How the fuck do I write a resume and get a job?
>22
>GED
>took 2 semesters of community college just to get free financial aid grant money (failed all of the classes)
>only work experience is trading for a prop firm for 6 months and sucking dick at it then getting fired for making a your mom comment in the trade chat
I can't get a fucking job and I'm tired of being a NEET. Failed a McDonald's interview. Failed a Wal-Mart interview. Temp agencies never call me back. Holy fuck writing this is pissing me off I'm such a fucking failure.
>>1013193
>He failed fucking community college
How retarded are you? Oh wait you're extremely retarded because you can't even figure out how to write a resume or pass an interview.
>>1013198
No fucking shit dude. Did you major in Captain Obvious studies or are you just as retarded as me?
If you're such a retard how did you get the prop trading job?
>>1013193
>only work experience is trading for a prop firm for 6 months
Didn't know those hired uneducated losers like yourself, no offense. Does that mean you're a Savant with doing arithmetic calculations in your head?
>>1013193
Here's a sample resume, build yours from it. If you don't have much experience then I would suggest doing volunteer work so you can at least say you have something, you also get references + if you don't really know what you're good at then your co-workers there can tell you from what they have seen.
You fail because you don't dedicate yourself enough. You don't try hard enough. If you really want to get a job, you need to create the groundwork for success and if you didn't get a job as a teenager at shit like McDonalds then something like volunteering will have to do. Better yet, if you can find some casual work they normally pay more than a regular job but you can sacked at any given moment - it does however give you a chance to prove you are capable and the higher ups could recognize it.
>>1013193
Go to university, get a degree, then apply again.
>>1013205
I lied on my resume and there was really no interview that questioned what was stated in my resume. It was commission based on performance and they started me out really small so they really had nothing to lose.
>>1013208
No. I just know enough C# to get by in NinjaTrader. Tried different strategies but nothing really caught on. Got bored of stocks and started demo trading futures a lot. They threatened to fire me for lack of participation. Somebody in the trade chat said "What is looking good this morning?" and I said "Your mom." and was terminated a few hours later.
>>1013224
Can't afford Uni senpai. I'm also banned from getting any further Financial Aid until I was pay back what was given from flunking those classes.
>>1013193
you probably have a personality defect of some sort that makes it difficult to leave a good impression.
20 is kinda the magical year where people stop accepting awkwardness during the entry level interview process and they start wondering if you're an axe murderer.
just chase a dream down and try to get autism bucks in the meanwhile, you might be able to get on with some company that hires the disabled under abilityone.
>>1013226
>Somebody in the trade chat said "What is looking good this morning?" and I said "Your mom." and was terminated a few hours later.
Why the FUCK would you say that?
>>1013228
Become an assassin or thief. Invest hit money, use value investing style. You're pretty much fucked if you don't become a criminal.
>>1013271
This.
Well more realistically you'd sell some drugs or something instead of jumping straight into the deep end. But that's basically the only way you're gonna make any money in this economy.
>>1013193
Are you a fat fuck? You should get in really good shape. Invest all of your time learning how to eat right and work out. As soon as you look swole, go and interview for a manual labor job. I guess you have to start somewhere.
It will probably help with every other aspect of your life as well. Good luck.
Only way to started from nothing is to get a job in the marijuana industry. Either as a budtender or something along the lines. They require. O experience and you get to interact with the people
>>1013193
>Failed a McDonald's interview. Failed a Wal-Mart interview
I thought the only things you need to get hired there are to show up and not mentally retarded.
Have you tried getting diagnosed so you can live off of neetbux, OP?
>>1013193
Might as well go big or go home
Take out a loan and start a business with it.
Good luck.
>>1013193
Suicide is always a viable option. Just saying.
>>1013687
Forgot to post a template. Here you go, OP.
>>1013226
>Somebody in the trade chat said "What is looking good this morning?" and I said "Your mom." and was terminated a few hours later.
anyway, get back into community college dude. i have no idea how you failed considering how remedial that shit is. rip a resume template online, pad it out with enough bullshit to get an interview, and watch some videos online on how to conduct yourself in an interview. if you were in school right now, some provide mock interviews to help you with your interviews. fedex and ups are always hiring, go for that
>>1013193
If you start helping people or volunteering, you will autmoatically have good will during interviews. Take it from someone who was in your situation
Get a job as a comedian and just keep telling your life story.
If you're applying to low level shit like McDonalds and Wal-Mart, just lie on your resume. I mean even a complete retard like yourself should be able to stock shelves or flip a burger, right?
>>1013693
Yeah, what bank isn't looking to give an unemployed, uneducated basement-dweller (with presumably no assets) a business loan?
>>1013226
This is why you don't be a cocky bastard until you've been in a workplace 6+ months
>>1013687
Yes, I am autistic. Was diagnosed at 6. But I live in the US and you have to be a minority or female to even have a chance at getting disability. I get food stamps though.
>>1013364
Women can't really sell drugs because nobody will take them seriously unless their father is a drug lord or something.
>>1013793
Really, your issue is poor impulse control. It's why you fucked up in community college, and why you fucked up in your job. You need to get that shit sorted or you'll be sucking dick for quarters in no time.
>>1013228
Oh, there we go, now we know. Federal aid can only be denied for F's *IF* the person failed due to absenteeism.
God help you...
>>1013793
Son, autism is *NOT* a fucking disability. There are too many functional autists who learn to control their impulses and not behave like spastic assholes. That's why the SSI/ disability requirements are so high.
>>1013193
Holy shit op is one fucked up individual if he can't get into mcdonalds, an entry level job for fucking 14 year olds.
Jebus Crust how do you even fuck up mc dicks for fucks sake
>>1013697
hihi
>>1013193
>failed all the classes
>failed to get a job at McD's
>>1013769
One that they know they can Jew for the rest of his living life.
>>1013793
dude I am barely autistic, I have Aspergers, white male in US, and still get neetbux.
did you even try?
>>1013193
maybe it's time to get a doctor to diagnose your special kind of retardation and you can get free money from the government? It sounds like your only option unless you want to sell your organs.
>>1013193
>only work experience is trading for a prop firm for 6 months and sucking dick at it then getting fired for making a your mom comment in the trade chat
Kek, worth it.
Also, that girl in your image sure is qt.
>>1014992
Oh and also, use this website for your resume.
http://www.mergersandinquisitions.com/investment-banking-resume-university-student/
I used this for my resume when applying to job fairs on campus and it worked pretty well. I got calls back and I'm now employed.
I know it says it's for investment bankers but you can tailor it to suit your needs. The basic concepts are still the same. I like to think that a resume should be parsimonious. You should not have more than one page and all of that information you fit onto that one page should be quality information and not bullshit filler.
Figure out how to do this and you'll get calls back, I guarantee it.
>>1015001
Thanks senpai. This is something I've been looking for. I know a guy that owns a scam roof company. Gonna see if he will bullshit me some work experience.
>>1013226
you are literally my fucking idol hahahaha
