How can I become a special intellect agency person or an espionage spy that lives in like miami or something. I have a 2 year degree in criminal justice and a vocational criminal justice diploma for a 2 year course.
Is there a lie detector test? I haven't done anything illegal besides drugs but I've smoked crack, free based molly, snorted pills, done ecstasy, smoking weed and oils on a daily basis, and I drink a lot. I've also sold drugs but I didn't want to. I think I'd be perfect as an agent as I'm athletic, coordinated, smart fast thinking and organized, and I can shoot and drive cars good.
You sound like a special intellect already buddy.
Uh, noooo. You have be in the top of your class in the police academy and then you have to be selected for a job like that.
>>1007448
That's bull shit I have god like abilities I just hate cops
>>1007254
I don't know how you can be a special snowflake, but can I get fries with my burger please?
>>1007254
be willing to betray your own country I guess...
you do realize an 'agent' involved in 'espionage' is a third party... (thus the 'agent' bit)
i.e. the Pakistani doctor who allegedly helped find bin laden through a fake vaccination program was a CIA 'agent', and is now in a Pakistani jail... the guys liaising with him would have been case officers not 'agents'
If you're in the US I'm not sure you actually want to be an 'agent' unless you fancy working for North Korea or Russia or something....
Like in Miami, with sunglasses n shit? Talking into sleeve microphone? The only places agents like that work is in Hollywood and they wait tables between jobs.
Real life is not a movie man
>>1007254
Get some military experience. Learn a foreign language.
You will be contacted soon
>>1007254
>t I've smoked crack, free based molly, snorted pills, done ecstasy, smoking weed and oils on a daily basis, and I drink a lot.
The possibility of you being even remotely intellectual clearly doesn't exist.
>>1008508
>I think I'd be perfect as an agent as I'm athletic, coordinated, smart fast thinking and organized, and I can shoot and drive cars good.
Holy shit I didn't even read this part! You definitely have a chance now.
Best troll thread I've read in my entire life. God bless you anon.
>I can shoot and drive cars
Every functioning adult can do those things.
>>1008513
Yeah but he can shoot and drive cars good, not shoot and drive cars well. Think of the possibilities!
>>1007254
I know this is bait thread but I've been a private investigator for about 3 years now. It's amazing. The situations and people I've ran into could easily fit into soap operas.
On phone so not greentexting. A woman contacts the agency I work for and wants us to tail her husband, convinced he's cheating. Seems clean cut. She gives us all his info, pictures, car info, personal info and we start the tail. About a week later a man walks into the agency. It's the husband. The secretary doesn't recognize him since she doesn't work cases. They're talking as I turn a corner and see him. "Fuck, he found out we were tailing him and is about to start a scene". But everything seems ok. The secretary waves me over. "Mr. Smith would like a consulation". What's his fucking game. I pick a public restaurant and we meet 3 days later. The guy wants me to tail his wife! She's cheating on him! At this point we have evidence of him cheating on her, no question, and he seemed totally oblivious. We treat it as a separate case and begin tailing the wife. Sure enough, she was cheating as well. We turn our evidence over to both of them, they both lose their mind that they got caught, ironically while they were paying us to get the other. We are an unbiased third party and just let the chips fall. The kicker is a guy comes in a month later needing a public record pulled from the courthouse. Mentions the couple above and says he was the mutual friend that recommended us to them. He knew they were both cheating but didn't take sides and wanted to be a diva and get a P.I. involved. He had no idea that after recommending the same agency to both of them, that they'd both end up doing it at nearly the same time. I have more if anyone cares.
>>1009599
Keep going
I have a former military buddy I suspect has some kind of second life.
his background:
Navy Academy
Navy foreign lieason
Navy Seal
now he is out of the Navy, but has not moved. He has a big house and he tells me he works here and there but the life style he leads and the jobs he says he works just dont add up. He also dissapears sometimes and occasionally will ask me to watch his dog while he is out of town. He'll say for like 10 days and then show up like 4-6 days later to get it.
The dude is basically my hero
>>1009599
what country are you in? what qualifications did you need
>>1009599
That's hilarious. Did you give them both sides or did you just give them what they asked for and leave them to put it together?
>>1009624
I live in the U.S. You will have to be licensed, requirements depend on state. AL for instance only requires you pay license dues and take a couple of short classes every year.
>>1009639
We have a strict confidentiality policy, so we refused to talk to one about the others case. We never heard back from the mutual friend, but they did have children so I could only imagine the judges face at the custody hearing when he sees our reports for both of them.
>>1009611
Here's another fun one, might be long. We had been tailing an older woman for a couple of weeks. She was suspected of committing workers compensation fraud and we were hired by the company. We could tell that she was faking it, but you have to have 2 or 3 "money shots" that are undeniable in court. I pick up her tail after she had left a nearby town, visiting family. After about 15 mins, she pulls into a gas station. I follow and just drive by, looking for somewhere to park outside the station so I can pick up the tail. Suddenly, she veers out of the parking lot and shoots over to my lot across the street. I take off and she follows behind me. It's obvious I've been made, but I have no idea how, its only been 15 mins. I radio it in and we decide to swap vehicles. She's still following me so I pull into a grocery store parking lot where the other investigator is waiting. She pulls up right next to me, gets out as I do, and begins shouting, "Why are you following me! I can have you arrested! Blah blah. I keep my cover and tell her I have no idea what she's talking about, I'm just trying to get some milk. She keeps shouting, getting the attention of people nearby. I just keep shrugging and start asking her if she has any medical conditions or if everything's ok. This really sets her off. She thinks I'm a P.I. but can't say anything in public for fear of exposing her fraud. People begin ignoring us after I take the, "She's just a confused older woman" route. Continuing
>>1009671
She then uses her right arm to swing open the door to my car and goes straight for a camera I have in the back seat. "Proof! Your taking pictures of me!" But she doesn't know I just picked up the tail and hadn't taken a single photo. I show her the roll is empty and she looks bewildered . I'm going inside to get my milk now I told her. She apologizes profusely and gets back into her car, using her right arm. My colleague picks right up on her tail. Later at the office, we go over the footage for lulz with my boss when we notice she used her right arm both times. The reason she's on workers comp is she supposedly lost a large amount of use of her right arm. She couldn't lift 2 pounds nor write with it. The video shows her opening and slamming car doors with no cringing and with ease. In her anger she reverted to habit since she was right handed and blew her facade. We get another money shot not long after and she goes to court. The only reason we think I was made was that another car the same make model and color may have been near her as she returned from the nearby town, its happened before.
>>1009685
Why would they think going apeshit would help their case?
>oh look I tried to fuck up a nosy PI
>THAT'LL solve my fraud problem!
I forgot to mention, my colleague in the grocery store lot recorded the whole incident.
>>1009686
Yeah, it doesn't happen often, most of times we get made we just drop the tail and they probably spend a hour taking random turns until they're sure we dropped it.
And for anyone interested in becoming a P.I. (In the U.S.) here's some tips. While previous experience In law enforcement and intelligence work is preferred, its not required at all. You also don't need a degree most of times. You'll start as an intern so you won't have to have a license yet. You'll do alot of office work, writing reports, using online databases, and doing the bulk work. If the agency thinks your good for it, they'll help you get licensed and hire you full time. The only problem is these internships are very small in number as are P.I. jobs, especially if you don't live in a big city. What you can to help your odds is focus on learning photography at home. If you can talk about f-stops, exposure, and aperture in an interview, it'll rocket you up. Agencies try to find people who already possess certain skills, such as photography, writing, and communication, and teach them how to apply those to the P.I. field. I make just at 65k a year if anyone wanted to know. Most P.I.s are also self employed. They work for an agency when they begin their career as I'm doing, then go strike out on their own and get to pocket the $100+ billable hours they'll charge.
>>1007398
Underrated
>>1009618
Sounds like he works in the private sector. Pays ten times more than the military. The lifestyle fucking sucks and you always have to worry about your past jobs coming to haunt you in your home.
>>1008274
are u sure ur not high on crack right now?
>>1007254
>I haven't done anything illegal besides drugs but I've smoked crack, free based molly, snorted pills, done ecstasy, smoking weed and oils on a daily basis, and I drink a lot
You're never going to work in intelligence or law enforcement. You have addiction and substance abuse history. Plus you're retarded.
Hahahahahahhaha
>>1009708
Do you ever dress up like you're in a film noir?
I think I would totally do that.
>>1010102
Yes, sir, yes I do.
>>1010133
Now I'm imagining our PI friend working with our OP in Miami all dressed up like that.
It's like a hilariously stupid version of Burn Notice.
>>1010102
Lol nah, people tell me during consultations that that's what they expected me to look like, maybe I should every once in a while with repeat clients for fun
