I was taking the trash out tonight, and when I opened the door

Thread replies: 85
Thread images: 20

Anonymous
2016-07-12 04:49:09 Post No. 694218002
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 04:49:09 Post No. 694218002 [Report]

I was taking the trash out tonight, and when I opened the door to my enclosed front porch this fucking monster came flying through, wings beating like helicopter blades, screeching like some kind of hell banshee! Scared the fuck out of me.

Wat do?

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 04:50:46 Post No.694218196
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 04:50:46 Post No.694218196 [Report]

>>694218002
It`s a cicada you pussy, its nothing

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 04:53:48 Post No.694218593
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 04:53:48 Post No.694218593 [Report]

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>>694218196
How the fuck do I get it out of my house? I tried unleashing my vicious pumpkin cat to consume the monster buy she let it escape. Pic of the lazy bitch related.

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 04:55:34 Post No.694218839
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 04:55:34 Post No.694218839 [Report]

You kill it you puss

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 04:56:25 Post No.694218939
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 04:56:25 Post No.694218939 [Report]

That's no moon...

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 04:57:31 Post No.694219085
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 04:57:31 Post No.694219085 [Report]

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>>694218593

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:02:19 Post No.694219738
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:02:19 Post No.694219738 [Report]

>>694218839
It's an insect, not a negro.

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:03:30 Post No.694219905
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:03:30 Post No.694219905 [Report]

>>694218002
catch it, put in microwave for 3 minutes, take pics

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:03:58 Post No.694219963
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:03:58 Post No.694219963 [Report]

cicada

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:05:09 Post No.694220142
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:05:09 Post No.694220142 [Report]

Go to war with it. Throw a shoe grenade at its ass. And get a blanket or towel. Throw it at it on the wall all crunched up hard and it'll disorient it until you can give it the shoe cleaver (chopping motion)

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:05:17 Post No.694220162
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:05:17 Post No.694220162 [Report]

Electric fly swatter will make it scream

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:06:09 Post No.694220294
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:06:09 Post No.694220294 [Report]

>>694220162
Sounds spoopy

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:06:38 Post No.694220360
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:06:38 Post No.694220360 [Report]

>>694218002

Cicadas don't have mouths, so they can't even bite, you weenie.

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:07:35 Post No.694220483
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:07:35 Post No.694220483 [Report]

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>>694219905
This

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:07:37 Post No.694220489
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:07:37 Post No.694220489 [Report]

>>694219905
this

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:08:54 Post No.694220667
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:08:54 Post No.694220667 [Report]

>>694218002
MAN YOU FOUND A NINJASK!
Take good care of it, dumb.

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:08:59 Post No.694220681
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:08:59 Post No.694220681 [Report]

>>694219905
dubs and you do it

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:09:01 Post No.694220690
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:09:01 Post No.694220690 [Report]

>>694219905
Is it going to make my microwave stink?

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:09:29 Post No.694220744
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:09:29 Post No.694220744 [Report]

>>694218002
Heres one I found a while ago it was loud as shit

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:09:49 Post No.694220785
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:09:49 Post No.694220785 [Report]

>>694220690
if it does itll be gone quickly

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:09:55 Post No.694220798
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:09:55 Post No.694220798 [Report]

>>694220690
ofcourse not

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:10:04 Post No.694220816
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:10:04 Post No.694220816 [Report]

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>>694220744
meant to attach this

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:11:14 Post No.694220977
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:11:14 Post No.694220977 [Report]

>>694218002

I had one of these things chase me when I was a wee young lad. Still gives me the creeps.

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:11:17 Post No.694220985
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:11:17 Post No.694220985 [Report]

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>>694219905
>>694218002
What are you waiting for op fry the fucker

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:11:24 Post No.694220998
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:11:24 Post No.694220998 [Report]

>>694220816

Cicadas are really cool insects, read up on them. It's been in the ground for a very long time, they're also one of the loudest insects here in the states.

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:13:03 Post No.694221220
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:13:03 Post No.694221220 [Report]

Squash it and remove it. Geez...is this even need a thread on /b/?

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:20:18 Post No.694222208
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:20:18 Post No.694222208 [Report]

>>694221220

Sorry, is this thread taking up space from fb fap threads, and "pics you shouldn't share" threads, or "reply or your mother is in her sleep" threads?

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:22:13 Post No.694222491
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:22:13 Post No.694222491 [Report]

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:23:43 Post No.694222716
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:23:43 Post No.694222716 [Report]

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Here's some oc of the alien attack on Mercedes superdome in nola

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:24:01 Post No.694222759
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:24:01 Post No.694222759 [Report]

>>694220690

catch it and put it in the freezer. It will be dead in 15mins. No mess or smell.

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:24:44 Post No.694222858
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:24:44 Post No.694222858 [Report]

your cat must be defective because every cat ive seen loves murdering these things

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:25:13 Post No.694222916
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:25:13 Post No.694222916 [Report]

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:27:25 Post No.694223210
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:27:25 Post No.694223210 [Report]

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You must destroy it.

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:30:41 Post No.694223656
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:30:41 Post No.694223656 [Report]

>>694222858
Pretty sure she is retarded. Find her in a parking lot.

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:32:19 Post No.694223870
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:32:19 Post No.694223870 [Report]

>>694218002
I think the obvious answer is that you should eat it.

The less obvious answer would be to sautee it with some onions and garlic first

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:32:58 Post No.694223961
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:32:58 Post No.694223961 [Report]

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>>694219905
It's in. You guys sure about this?

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:33:58 Post No.694224108
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:33:58 Post No.694224108 [Report]

>>694223961
Do it faggot

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:34:45 Post No.694224203
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:34:45 Post No.694224203 [Report]

>>694223961
Yeah man. What could possibly go wrong?

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:35:55 Post No.694224371
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:35:55 Post No.694224371 [Report]

>>694223961
Dont, thing is harmless you sick fuck

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:37:53 Post No.694224656
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:37:53 Post No.694224656 [Report]

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>>694224371
Hey man, I'm under a lot of pressure here...

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:38:02 Post No.694224678
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:38:02 Post No.694224678 [Report]

>>694223870

My dog used to eat them when they were buzzing around on the ground.

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:38:33 Post No.694224752
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:38:33 Post No.694224752 [Report]

>>694224656
ITS HAPPENING

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:38:57 Post No.694224814
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:38:57 Post No.694224814 [Report]

>>694224656
My god I have that same model microwave oven

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:39:19 Post No.694224868
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:39:19 Post No.694224868 [Report]

>>694223870
>sautee
I thought you were supposed to deep fry them?

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:39:35 Post No.694224902
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:39:35 Post No.694224902 [Report]

>>694223961
That microwave filthy as fuck. And you worried the bug will make it smell?

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:40:05 Post No.694224971
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:40:05 Post No.694224971 [Report]

>>694223961
Your microwave is filthy

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:41:13 Post No.694225146
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:41:13 Post No.694225146 [Report]

>>694224814
I got it for free from a buddy.

>>694224902
I realized I had this piece of shit out in my office. If I used the fancy one in the house my wife would kill me.

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:42:15 Post No.694225291
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:42:15 Post No.694225291 [Report]

>>694225146
Just do it

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:42:38 Post No.694225351
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:42:38 Post No.694225351 [Report]

>>694225146
If dubs put it in your wife food

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:43:09 Post No.694225425
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:43:09 Post No.694225425 [Report]

DO IT

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:43:17 Post No.694225450
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:43:17 Post No.694225450 [Report]

>>694224868
Ideally, but not everyone has a deep fryer or enough oil to fill a saucepan. Everything tastes good with butter, garlic, and onion though so it's an acceptable alternative

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:44:59 Post No.694225695
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:44:59 Post No.694225695 [Report]

>>694222916

yep, they will eat your little pink girls

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:45:35 Post No.694225788
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:45:35 Post No.694225788 [Report]

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Let's go faggot op

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:50:43 Post No.694226543
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:50:43 Post No.694226543 [Report]

DO IT FAGGOT

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:51:10 Post No.694226605
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:51:10 Post No.694226605 [Report]

It's like 3AM here and i want to see the result, hurry up

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:51:18 Post No.694226619
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:51:18 Post No.694226619 [Report]

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>>694218002
what's takin so long OP

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:51:51 Post No.694226701
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:51:51 Post No.694226701 [Report]

>>694226619

Takes time to splatter a cicada

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:52:05 Post No.694226734
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:52:05 Post No.694226734 [Report]

With the toxic radiation waves of an old shitty microwave op didn't expect what was about to happen. The Cicadas moleculs rearanged thus expanding the creature tenfold. Breaking free of its captivity it killed op and flew away in the moonlight. Now creating the superhero known as cicada man.

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:52:27 Post No.694226779
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:52:27 Post No.694226779 [Report]

>>694218196
Not even a good one, just the normal green kind

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:54:00 Post No.694226972
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:54:00 Post No.694226972 [Report]

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>>694226734
I lost a little to this

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:54:16 Post No.694227001
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:54:16 Post No.694227001 [Report]

>>694226734
This.

OP is kill

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:54:49 Post No.694227071
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:54:49 Post No.694227071 [Report]

>>694226734

This.

Or the radiation leaking from the old microwave caused a fusion of DNA between cicada and OP. Giving him superhuman cicada-like powers. He can bzzzzzzzz louder than any other human. And looks grotesque as fuck.

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:57:27 Post No.694227396
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:57:27 Post No.694227396 [Report]

bumporoni

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:57:37 Post No.694227417
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:57:37 Post No.694227417 [Report]

Boy I sure hope this resolves before I'm done take'n a poo.

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:57:45 Post No.694227431
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:57:45 Post No.694227431 [Report]

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>>694227071
Not a cicada but relevant

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:58:20 Post No.694227515
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:58:20 Post No.694227515 [Report]

>>694227417

Pics or it didn't happen

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:58:24 Post No.694227523
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:58:24 Post No.694227523 [Report]

Loud noise and turns into goop.

Or radioactive cicada man.

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:59:06 Post No.694227614
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:59:06 Post No.694227614 [Report]

>>694227071
I believe that one to be more likely, the cicada does have a strong exo skeleton thus reflecting the radiation waves back causing an explosion the rearanged ops DNA. He's still a faggot ofcorse.

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:59:18 Post No.694227639
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:59:18 Post No.694227639 [Report]

>>694227431

OP is that you?

Timestamp faggot

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:59:36 Post No.694227674
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 05:59:36 Post No.694227674 [Report]

OP is commiting insecticide.

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:00:13 Post No.694227756
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:00:13 Post No.694227756 [Report]

>>694224656
Op, let it go. It's harmless, and makes bad ass sounds

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:00:44 Post No.694227816
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:00:44 Post No.694227816 [Report]

>>694227614

I wonder if his wife will leave him. Or if they'll have freaky Inter-species cicada sex.

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:01:14 Post No.694227876
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:01:14 Post No.694227876 [Report]

>>694227756
You don't get it. Op is the cicada now! The transformation is complete.

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:01:30 Post No.694227916
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:01:30 Post No.694227916 [Report]

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>>694227639
Not OP, just wanted to add my two cents

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:03:45 Post No.694228181
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:03:45 Post No.694228181 [Report]

Come on u cunt

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:03:53 Post No.694228200
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:03:53 Post No.694228200 [Report]

>>694227816
If its anything like the movies, hell yeah. He needs some motivation to find himself. Plus we all know he was gay from the start having a wife would drag him down.

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:04:53 Post No.694228314
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:04:53 Post No.694228314 [Report]

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OP here.

Enjoy the pic of me and my wife having sex

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:04:58 Post No.694228334
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:04:58 Post No.694228334 [Report]

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>>694227515
Not much to see here on the loo.
Getting over a cold, purple Powerade made ma boo green. Other than that 7/10 poo so far.

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:05:14 Post No.694228357
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:05:14 Post No.694228357 [Report]

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552 KB, 1488x2138

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:07:07 Post No.694228601
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:07:07 Post No.694228601 [Report]

>>694218593
catch it and kill it or punch it where it sits. Either works, but if there's one there's a thousand-million more and you're fucked for a month of loud screeching sounds till they lay eggs and finally die.
They don't bite or anything, they're harmless but really annoying and loud.

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:08:59 Post No.694228825
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:08:59 Post No.694228825 [Report]

>>694228601
>you're fucked for a month of loud screeching sounds till they lay eggs and finally die

Cats lay eggs?

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:09:10 Post No.694228853
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:09:10 Post No.694228853 [Report]

>>694227431
> Not a cicada
> Relevant
pick 1

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:10:05 Post No.694228964
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:10:05 Post No.694228964 [Report]

>>694228825

I thought it was the cat too

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:11:05 Post No.694229083
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:11:05 Post No.694229083 [Report]

>>694228825
The cicada lays eggs. I was responding to "how do I get it out of the house" not your picture.

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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:12:13 Post No.694229214
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Anonymous 2016-07-12 06:12:13 Post No.694229214 [Report]

>>694228964
God dammit, he only asked 1 question in the entire post.