Your life.

What's the difference between my grandma and a dead baby? My grandma won't let me fuck her in the ass.

File: 1466548786293.gif (2 MB, 320x240) Image search: [Google]

2 MB, 320x240

>>693074740

What breaks when you give it to an infant?
It's hips.

File: 1463628475816.jpg (133 KB, 650x878) Image search: [Google]

133 KB, 650x878

>>693074971

>>693074412
one billion hindu's walk into a bar
they each order 6 curry and lemonade
the barman nervously asks after a while if they know where the restrooms are
they all say 'yes we are designated'

bumping for potential. also obligatory whats the difference between a baby and my refrigerator. my fridge doesnt scream when i pack my meat into it

File: image.jpg (36 KB, 420x420) Image search: [Google]

36 KB, 420x420

Knock knock...

>>693074412
Bunch of gay guys are in a hot tub, all of a sudden a bunch of blood, semen, shit and a condom surface with bubbles. Then one of them says "who farted?"

File: 1356415999185.png (3 KB, 194x247) Image search: [Google]

3 KB, 194x247

>>693075387
Who's there?

>>693074412
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

well apparently more than 7 because I'm still fucking them in the dead.

>>693075387
Who der nigga??

>>693075236
Wut

File: sad-frog.jpg (27 KB, 550x535) Image search: [Google]

27 KB, 550x535

>>693075387
tfw no one is ever there

File: image.jpg (123 KB, 1012x712) Image search: [Google]

123 KB, 1012x712

>>693075489
Us

a guy just got married and his wife wanted to go to a whore house

the first one he goes to he asks asks for the biggest blackest woman they have, and was told that it was an upscale place and they dont have anything like that

the second one he goes to, he again asks for the biggest blackest woman they have, again he is told they have no women like that there

finally he goes to the one to the getto, and asks for the biggest blackest woman they have. this time they have a woman like he is looking for and is told what room to go to.

he goes into the room and there is a huge black woman weighing at least 400lbs. she asks what he wants and he says hes going to lay on the floor and he wants her to stand over him and squat down. She does this but before she gets near his face he tells her to stop. she replies what the hell do you want, and he tells her that he and his wife just bought a house and they wanted to know what it would look like with pink shutters.

File: 1447392647657.jpg (10 KB, 214x236) Image search: [Google]

10 KB, 214x236

>>693075533
God damn I love dead baby........... jokes

>>693075685
kek

Why did Obama get two terms
>black men always get a longer science

What's the worst part about being a black Jew
>you have to sit at the back of the oven

What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew
>pizza doesn't scream in the oven

>>693074412
why did the baby cross the road
its stuck to my cock

>>693075613
Us who?

File: 1447558576632.jpg (180 KB, 517x768) Image search: [Google]

180 KB, 517x768

>>693075837
I can't stop laughing at that one.

Not particularly dirty but I liked it when I first found it.

>Two Italians on vacation in London get on a bus.
>They sit down and engage in an lively conversation.
>The lady sitting behind them doesn't register them until she hears one of he men say the following:
>"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
>"You foul mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
>"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm just tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."

>>693074412
My ex wife couldn't reach orgasm no matter what I tried. Anal, giant dildo and I even ate her pussy for at least 5 hours last week. Nothing can make that bitch orgasm. I don't know if it's because she is frigid or 6 but she ruined my self-esteem

>>693076315
calm down islam

>>693074412

need =/= want.

learn the difference.

>Two nuns are riding their bikes through some old Roman streets.
>The younger says, "I've never come this way before."
>The older one replies, "It's the cobblestones."

>>693077082
Sometimes people need a laugh you commie.

>>693077158
see
>>693077082
use a dictionary if necessary.

whats the best part of having sex with twenty-one year olds?
theres twenty of them

>>693077475
I need you to kill yourself.

A priest and a rabbi are walking down the road when they see a little boy. The priest says, "we should screw that little boy." The rabbi replies, "out of what?"

two muslim women are walking down the street. one looks at the other and says "does this bomb make me look fat?"

Why did Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
So she could moan with the other.

File: 1396953868067.jpg (28 KB, 484x400) Image search: [Google]

28 KB, 484x400

>>693078107

>>693076315
That would be funny if 6 year olds actually couldn't orgasm.

A family walks into a hotel and the father goes to the front desk and he tells the dude at the front desk "I hope the porn is disabled."

The guy at the desk replies. "It's just regular porn you sick fuck."

>>693078460
citation needed

File: ayy.1.gif (4 MB, 400x400) Image search: [Google]

4 MB, 400x400

People can be so judgemental. Just last week I was at a restaurant with my girlfriend and a guy I know saw some and called me a pervert, just because I'm 42 and my girlfriend is 20. Ruined our whole 10th anniversary.

>>693075831
>longer science

>>693078771
Your not trying hard enough. It's all about pressure and rhythm with the tongue.

>>693078572
Wow very original

File: 1464847834612.jpg (35 KB, 596x439) Image search: [Google]

35 KB, 596x439

>>693078780

>>693078877
that's 'sayso' not 'citation'

I went to the doctor the other day and asked if I could get the morning after pill for my 12 year old daughter.
"Oh, is she sexually active?" asked the doctor
"Nah, she just fucking lies there like her mother"

>>693079243
Prove me wrong. Conduct a twin study with 500 6 year olds. Sample size matters.

lil kid says: mommy I dont wanna play with grandpa anymore
the mother replies: ok, remember to put him back in his coffin then

mommy, I dont think I like grandpa
its ok, you can eat just the potatos then

mommy, I want a bike for christmas
shut up, you already got your wheelchair on your birthday

Trump and Cruz are sitting in a bar when the waiter comes over to take their drink order.

Curious in what they were talking about the waiter asks "What are you tow discussing tonight."

"World Peace" Trump exclaims "We are going to kill one million Muslims and 1 blond lady"

The waiter looked confused and asks "Why 1 blond lady"

With out a word Cruz slips a 100 dollar bill to Trump across the table. Trump looks at Cruz and says "See! i told you no one cares about one million Muslims."

>Hilarious and original

>Why is a hooker smarter then a drug dealer?
>Because they can wash their crack and sell it again

File: 1466927839204.png (92 KB, 292x298) Image search: [Google]

92 KB, 292x298

>>693080089

>A woman with no arms and no legs is at the beach, laying on a towel enjoying herself.
>She isn't very good looking and being a cripple makes things complicated, but she wants to see if she can get some men to pity her.
>Along comes a man, and she she's feeling lucky so says out loud "I've never been hugged before", so the man feels sorry and comes up to her and gives her a hug.
>Along comes another man and she decides to try her luck again. She says "I've never been kissed before", and the man feels sorry and comes and gives her a kiss.
>When a third man comes along, she decides to try her luck a third time and says "I've never been fucked before", and the man comes to her, picks her up, takes her closer to the tide and buries her up to her neck within a few feet from the water. He calmly says "Now you're fucked".

>>693078898
Didn't realize this was an original jokes thread.

>>693080498
Anon. What the fuck is that?

>>693080549
Do you need more visuals?

how do you confuse a homosexual?

>>693080678
>>693080498
I could be wrong but I don't think mercy is laughing in that picture...

>>693080799
carefully

>>693074412

How to kill five hundred flies with one hit: kick a somali kid on the mouth.

>>693080799
>>693080849
Answer: 17

A little boy catches his dad masturbating. Having never seeb that before, he asks "Dad, what are you doing?"

His dad replies, "Don't worry son, you're going to do it soon!"

"Really? Why's that, dad?" asked the kid.

"Well, ya see son, my arm is getting tired..."

What's the difference between an Afghani military base and a Pakistani school?

Shit man, I don't know. I just fly the drone.

>>693081120
Why ;-;

A man runs into a sperm bank points a gun at the lady at the desk and throws a cup of semen on the desk and tells her to drink it. She does and the man reveals to be her husband and says "see its not so bad after all."

>>693074412
what the best part about fucking twenty three year olds? there are twenty of them

What do u get when u finger bang a gypsy on her period?

Your palm read

>>693075608
feels checked

In a terrible car accident, 3 nuns die at the same time. They all appear in front of the gates of Heaven to meet Saint Peter.

When they arrive, Peter informs them that those who lived a life of the cloth must answer some basic questions about theology before they are permitted to enter Heaven. Each of the nuns has studied their bible well, so they don't feel worried by this. The first nun steps forward
and tells the saint that she's ready.

"Who was the first woman?" Peter asks.

"That's easy!" exclaims the nun. "Eve!" Peter smiles, the bells toll, and the gates of Heaven open.

The second nun, encouraged by her colleagues easy pass, steps forwards and tells Peter that she's ready, as well. "Who was the first man?" Peter asks. "Easy! That's Adam!" says the nun, excitedly. Peter smiles, the bells toll, and the gates of Heaven open.

The third nun is now confident that she won't have any trouble, and steps up to face Peter's question. "What were Eve's first words to Adam?" he asks. "My, that's a hard one," the nun replies worriedly, but Peter smiles, the bells toll, and the gates of Heaven open...

>>693075236
I don't get it

>>693080549
Kek = LOL on world of warcraft.
Members of the horde (orcs) cant see what members of the alliance (humans) are typing because the game scrambles the texts of opposite factions.
But LOL always comes as KEK when players of enemy team types it.

>>693081728
A man has a his heart broken by a woman and decides he wants to go somewhere where he won't ever see a single woman again. So he joins the foreign legion and asks to be sent to the most desolate outpost there is. When he arrives it's everything he was hoping for. Out in the middle of the desert with sand dunes as far as the eye can see.

After ~six months he walks in the commander's office and says, "I sure would like to see a lady again, have any come to the base?" To which the commander replies, "No, but there is the camel out back that you could..." The soldier cuts him off and says, "No, no I'm not that desperate."

A since year passes by, and the soldier goes to see the commander again, again the commander mentions the camel, and the soldier cuts him off with a negative.

Finally after two and a half years of being in this desert outpost, the man goes into the commanders office and says "Alright, where is that fucking camel?" To which the commander replies,"Out back, where it always is."

After five minutes pass the commander hears shrieks coming from the back of the fort. It sounds like a camel is dying. He goes out to check on it and finds the soldier on a ladder behind the camel going to town.

Interrupting the soldier, the commander says, "That's an interesting way to do it. Most people just get on the camel and ride to the whore house two miles south."

File: adolf-hitler.jpg (768 KB, 2816x2165) Image search: [Google]

768 KB, 2816x2165

Oh look it's a planet made out of gas let's call it jewpiter.

one million metric ton of human feces

>>693082340
Yeah I'm pretty sure he was talking about the Mercy orgasm face not the kek.

I WAS EATING THIS GIRL OUT RIGHT? AND THEN I TASTED HORSE SEMEN. THAT'S WHEN I HOLLERED DAMN GRANDMA THAT'S HOW YOU DIED

>>693082430
Holy kek

File: 1467176576231.jpg (23 KB, 368x400) Image search: [Google]

23 KB, 368x400

>>693083051
There are so many things wrong with this. I love it.

how do you know when you got a good sperm count?

she has to chew before she swallows.

What's the worst part about dating a japanese girl?

>>693080799
>>693080849
>>693080961
very noice

>>693083343
what is

>>693083343
She can't see you?

>>693083343
She needs two big hints to know when it's over. Something like that?

What's the best thing about fucning a 12 year old girl in the shower? You can slick her hair back and pretend its a 10 year old boy

What's the best thing about fucking an 77 year old? There's 70 of them

>>693083343
You have to drop the bomb twice to end the relationship with her.

>>693074412
Whar have a pizza and a mother in common?
If they're black you have nothing to eat.

>>693083560
>>693083343
You need to drop the bomb twice to let her know it's over.

File: Tentacle_forest_example_1.png (126 KB, 401x280) Image search: [Google]

126 KB, 401x280

>>693083343
>>693083432
Having to compete with her ex?

In 1938 the Führer tried to getting a call through Paris. Unfortunately it was occupied :(

Why do niggers only have nightmares?

We shot the ones with dreams

>>693083343
WEIRD JAV EVERY SEX

How do Ethiopians celebrate their child's first birthday?
By laying flowers on their graves

File: image.gif (1 MB, 400x225) Image search: [Google]

1 MB, 400x225

>>693082430
>>693083655
>>693083919
>>693083995

Why are aspirins white? Cuz they work.

How do you get a jewish girls number?

Roll up her sleeves

How do you kill 1000 Ethiopians?
Throw a breadcrumb off a cliff

What is a pedo's favorite day of the year? Halloween. Free delivery.

How do you pick up a Jewish girl?
With a dustpan and brush

What's a bump in a gas pipe? A fleeing jew.

>>693084346
How do you kill 1000 flies?
Punch an Ethiopian in the face.

>>693074412
A white horse falls in the mud.

A man goes into a library and asks the librarian for a book on suicide.

The librarian says 'fuck off you won't bring it back'

What's the difference between Hitler and Michael Phelps?

Michael Phelps can finish a race.

>>693084542
>>693084581
>>693084346

K den

How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Nail a piece of toast to the ceiling

What's the best part about having sex with a five year old?
- Feeling her pelvis break
What's the worst part?
-Getting blood on your clown costume

Whats the hardest part about eating a bald pussy?

:)

What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest?

Acne comes on a boy's face after he starts puberty.

What's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?

I take my boots of to jump on a trampoline.

What's the worst part about fucking a 4 year old?

Cleaning the shit off the clown suit

>>693084971
Putting the diaper back on.

;)

>>693075236
poo in loo memes arent big on /b/

>>693075236
Hehe, I get it.

What's the hardest part about cooking a baby in the oven?
My dick

What do you call a black guy that flies a plane?

A pilot you fucking racist

>>693085294
xddddd

A nigger, a jew, and a feminist jumps off a mountain at the same time. Who wins?

Society.

Damn girl, you shit out of that ass?

>>693085505
The most b joke ever.

How to get at least 50% more seats in an Israeli bus? Include an ash tray.

Chernobylian mother and daughter are sitting in the kitchen. Daughter says: "Look mommy, my third boob is growing!" Mother replies: "Suck my dick, I don't care."

A priest, a paedophile and a rapist walk into a bar.....he orders a pint

File: JLaw butthole.jpg (341 KB, 1200x900) Image search: [Google]

341 KB, 1200x900

What the difference between a faggot & a fridge?

>the fridge doesn't fart when you pull out the meat

>>693082340

thanks, knew it came from wow but was never quite sure how

>>693074412
how do you get 40 niggers in a Honda civic?
tell them you left some KFC in the back.
how do you get them out again?
lock the doors and set the civic on fire, after all who wants a car that's had 40 niggers in it.

File: Princess.jpg (71 KB, 975x685) Image search: [Google]

71 KB, 975x685

Daughter: Dad, I need $50!
Dad: So what do I get?
Daughter: Well, what do you want?
Dad: I want a blow job.
Daughter: EEEeewww, DAD!
Dad: Come on, you get $50 bucks, I get a bj. Everyone's happy
>she proceeds to blow him
Daughter: Dad, your dick tastes like shit!
Dad: Yeah, I know. Your brother wanted to borrow the car.

>>693085294
MAYMAY XD

File: 1449473112650.jpg (56 KB, 500x500) Image search: [Google]

56 KB, 500x500

>>693086758

A nigger and a Mexican are in the car.
Who's driving?
Policeman.

A gipsy gets emotional to his woman:
Such is life. First you were my sister, then my wife, and now you're my mother in law.

What's better than a baby on a platter? A baby in five platters

A gipsy boy walks into a bathroom and sees his dad showering. Child asks: Dad, what's that black hairy thing around your cock?

That's head of your sister, son.

What's the difference between milk and America?

Milk develops a culture after 200 years.

A man catches a a shark and he asks him for a wish. Shark thinks man is retarded, tell him that he will try to fulfill it.

"Hmmmm, I want... I want my dick dragging on the floor!" says man.

"Oh, that's easy!" says shark and bites off his legs.

>>693088444
a beautiful trip

>>693074412
Your mom.

File: image.jpg (142 KB, 1284x980) Image search: [Google]

142 KB, 1284x980

>>693077096
Hehehe yeah nice joke make, had a good chuckle

A 6'5 nigger walks into a bar and orders some whisky. An 6'8 Ukrainian also walks into a bar and orders vodka. Nigga drinks his whisky in one grasp, orders a pint of it and drinks it in less than three seconds. Ukrainian orders two pints of vodka, drunks it all, breaks the glass and eats it.

Nigga feels hopeless, so he tries his secret weapon. He stands up, pulls out his 8 inch dick and says: "This is Bill".

Ukrainian stands up, pulls out his two 10 inch dicks and says: "This is Chernobyl".

Hitler walks into a concentration camp and orders three trucks of unbaked Jews. Then he drives them to a cliff. He tells the first one to spread his arms perpendicularly to his body. Then he pushes him down. He asks the second one to go into fetal position and then he pushes him. He asks the third one if he can hold his arms up above the head. And then he pushes him porn the cliff.
Eva Braun comes and yells: Adolf! Lunch is ready!
Oh come on, can't you see I'm playing tetris?

File: image.jpg (72 KB, 500x339) Image search: [Google]

72 KB, 500x339

>>693091222
>then he pushes him porn the cliff.
Is there some kind of joke in there?

"A moth walks into a podiatrist' s office. When he gets into the exam room the doctor says: Hello moth, what can I do for you?"
The moth replies: "Well doc, I'm incredibly depressed. I'm feel like my life is falling away from underneath me. I've work at the book bindery for Peter Ilynovich for 25 years. Not once in my career have I had a raise. I'm not even sure he knows my name. I have absolutely no passion for my job. I don't have any passion in my life at all for that matter. I lie awake at night, deeply troubled. When I turn to my sleeping wife, I do not even recognize her. She has not aged well. Where is the beautiful moth I married? My mind then turns to my daughter, Anastasia. She died in the great war. She was the only joy in my life, and now she is just a distant memory."
He begins to weep.
I then think of my other child. I think of my son, Gregaro, and how I cannot look him in the eye, for if I do , I see the same cowardice that I see every time I look in the mirror at my pathetic reflection. I see the same cowardice that keeps me from taking the loaded pistol on my bedside table, cocking it, placing it against my temple, and pulling the trigger."
The moth becomes even more morose. He continues: . "I feel like a spider... even though I am a moth... hanging from a single thread above an eternal inferno, burning white hot with shame and regret. I believe the only way out of this miserable existence is to take my own life."
The podiatsist takes along hard look at the moth in silenc. After a moment he says:
"I am very sorry you are so deeply troubled, moth. But you need to see a Psychiatrist. Why on earth did you come to see me?"
The moth looks at the podiatrist and says: "Well, the light was on."

File: photo.jpg (102 KB, 900x900) Image search: [Google]

102 KB, 900x900

>>693074412
Have you heard the joke about the kid with cancer? It never gets old.

>>693092203
No, just autocowreck.

>>693082430

What's the difference between Christian Santa and Jewish Santa?

Jewish Santa goes UP the chimney.

We are also going to be supporting our police and law enforcement -- we can never forget the great job they do.
I am also going to appoint great Supreme Court Justices.
Our country is going to start working again.
People are going to start working again.
Parents are going to start dreaming big for their children again – including parents in our inner cities.
Americans are going to start believing in the future or our country.
We are going to make America rich again.
We are going to make America safe again.
We are going to make America Great Again – and Great Again For EVERYONE.


U

The baby seal walks into a club.

>>693074412
Your mother

>>693082340
>>693086393
no, its how korean's would type out "hahaha" in starcraft because their language wasnt supported, then it was added to wow after

How many Jews can you fit in a minivan. 1 on the front seat, 3 on the backseat and 0 in the ashtray because the holocaust never happened.

What's the hardest thing about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair

File: image.jpg (151 KB, 500x642) Image search: [Google]

151 KB, 500x642

I'm undecided on abortion. On one hand, it's killing children, but on the other, it gives women a choice

what did the jew have when he saw a jewwette get fukked
and E'Rech'tion

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
"Robin, get in the car"

my sex life is like blackjack
i always hit on 16

How do you know when your room mate is gay?

He gets a hard-on every time you fuck him in the ass.