You should be fone but you are still gay tho

Nice bait

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>was going to take pic but u fucking niggers would probably use the angle and height to track my home and then extort me for dick pics

this is the funniest shit I've read on 4chan for a long time

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>>692519727
they will know about it now OP!

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Found your fucking sausage m8, I'm coming for you

Funny stuff

>>692520169
put that cucumber back in your mom's nightstand

I doubt a frozen sausage could break through the windscreen of a car but okay

>>692519727
how the fuck would they get prints off a FROZEN hot dog? are you retarded m8?

if no one saw it fly out of your window, you're on the clear. if someone asks you something, you dont know shit about any fucking sausage

and delete this thread idiot

>>692520397
Its a sweet potato you goofball

YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE THAT WAS MY CAR

>>692520860
pics of sausaged car pls

>>692519727
That's happened to me plenty of times, don't worry anon. The frost on the sausage will melt away long before they can lift prints off it.
I'd be more worried about your microwave, it doesn't sound like it's working to well if you microwaved said sausage a few minutes five times.

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>>692521157
>that's happened to me plenty of times

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>>692519727

>>692519980
>Who was fone?

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>>692521157
> That's happened to me plenty of times

How many windows have you destroyed with a frozen sausage, or how many frozen sausages have you thrown out a window?

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>>692519727
Don't let this thread die OP
What's happening now??

>>692522988
i am currently masturbating and hearing police sirens

>>692523120
Demanding pics of investigation

esto es muy gracioso jajajajajaja

Real OP here. brb doorbell

You held it while it was frozen so if it melts it will be untraceable

>>692522139
>be me, few years ago
>screaming match with gf (ex now)
>she gets scary fast
>don't even remember what the argument was about, probably my collection again
>anyway she pulls a knife on me
>defenseless.png
>only thing in reach is frozen solid kielbasa
>wield that shit like a club
>stand off, shit's tense
>she dives
>I swing for her bitch face
>slipperysausage.html
>right out the window
>two stories down
>bitch gets distracted and I relieve her of the knife
>close it and tell her to get out, don't come back
>mfw she just got a new car, ford something, used
>mfw her car just got a new sausage, kielbasa, frozen

That was the first time

it just has to be bait

Fake and gay

>>692523782
ur collection of what?

>>692524060
Sausage

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>>692523782
Did i really find someone having a fcking addiction to throwing frozen sausages on cars through the window?

>>692524175
why u collect sausages m8? is a fetish?

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>>692519727
>>692523782
This fucking thread

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>>692519727
>things that never happened

So anyone here know about somenasshole throwing a sausage out the window?
>be me driving
>having bad day
>all of a sudden a frozen sausage falls from sky
>smashes my windshield
>i grab the sausage and get out of my car
>i yelled what the fuck
>look around cant find who threw the damn thing

Help me find the guy

>>692523782
Lost my sides have taken a vacation to Neptune

>>692524711
i saw him, he's on the 9th floor just check every apartment to see who has recently had frozen sausages in their fridge with the investigate sausage police department

>>692519727
> was going to take pic but u fucking niggers would probably use the angle and height to track my home and then extort me for dick pics or something
Nigga why the fuck would we do that

>>692519727
If the cops come to question you just show them that your place doesn't have any food in it so if you had any why would you throw it out instead of eating it. Then ask them for some grocery money.

>>692519727
>>692523782
Someone cap this shit

>>692523782
>Ah, fuck, I've thrown a sausage out of my fucking apartment window again

If you have multiple instances of this happening, your life must be fucking full of adventures

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>>692524902
An excellent question, why do we do that shit

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>>692524879
You mean this one?

>>692525537
For the lulz

>>692520169
Nigga thats a banana

>>692525781
Thats a fucking potato are you kidding me

>>692525897

The fuck kind of potatoes are you looking at?

>>692519727
Why don't you learn to fucking cook a sausage instead of microwaving it you lazy ass. This wouldn't have happened if you just put that shit in a pan on your stove.

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>>692526310

>>692521157
>that's happened to me plenty of times

kek

>>692519727
As long as you didn't stick it up your but you're probably good.

Oh... you.. what? Well you're fucked

Nice copypasta

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>>692526559

>>692523782

>"fuck, lost another sausage"

>>692524349
He can't afford a dildo

>>692519727
I did this except with a burning pizza out of the 8th floor. Crashed into my landlords yard, heard him run out and go apeshit because it hit his barbecue at terminal velocity

>Nobody found out

>>692523782
>starting new job, night security
>bout to live the dream: paid to 4chan
>new boss is a 7/10 cute but a little short
>big building complex, she's showing me around
>I'm just impatient for her to leave
>enjoying the view while she walks me through the lockup though
>datass.boing
>finally lets me alone in my office
>smells like solitude
>immediately pull out phone
>/b/ for daays
>grumble in my stomach
>time to feed
>datass had showed me vending machine
>wander halls for 1/2 hour looking
>don't remember where shit is
>just that jiggle when she walked
>find a fridge in mini-kitchen
>well stocked with pizza rolls and sausage
>grab a meat stick, hungry af now
>tfw frozen meat and no microwave
>???
>decide to suck it like a man
>at least assboss isn't here to see
>wander another 20 minutes retracing my steps
>finally find elevator
>meat taking forever to get soft
>sausage still diamonds and freezing my hands

cont

>>692527820
>return to 4chan swivel-throne
>dankmemes.exe
>getting hot in here
>except the sausage, still freezing fingers
>open little window for a breeze
>thing is as stuck as assboss will be by next week
>numb fingers
>sausage in mouth starting to brainfreeze
>finally window gives
>so does my lungs, breathing that sausage air
>toocold.cough
>can only stare in disbelief
>sausage tumbles down six stories
>punches a hole right through the sunroof of parked car below
>10 minutes later, /b/ not helping me out
>phone rings
>oshit they know I'm headed for the pokey
>workaholic cuck in building
>still here slaving
>probably can't triforce
>"Anon, my car's been vandalized!"
>panic hits
>"I can't hear you, you're breaking up"
>make mouth sounds like static and hang up
>dont get a call back
>tense few hours waiting
>holding breath and praying
>never heard from him again
>mfw one week later, workaholic arrested for grand theft auto
>domestic bullshit, stole his controlling ex-wife's car for work
>thank god he's a cuck
>pizza rolls from then on

That was the second time

>>692527992
>>692527820
I like it.

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>>692527820
>this fucking thread

>>692527992
hope for your sake you prayed to kek, normie infidel scum

>have the seks with gf
>she wants me to put a sausage in her ass
>k
>it goes all the way in
>it comes out
>feels warm
>cum like a monster
>die that night in my sleep
best sex I every had

>>692520959
>sausaged car
phrase of the day

I once did this with a small pumpkin.

>Felt like being festive so i put a couple small pumpkinks on my window ledge for halloween
>ended up putting one in the fridge and forgot about it
>start cleaning out the fridge around march
>find soft pumpkin hidden behind some beer bottles
>ended up throwing it onto the roof of my neighbor's garage at 3 in the morning

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>>692520959
>sausaged car
underrated

>>692519727
The real world does not work like CSI. There nobody is going to perform a widespread expensive criminal investigation for a broken windshield and an auto accident. Chill out bro.

>>692527038
why did you post a picture of fish?

>be very hungry
>go to freezer
>pull out 24 pack of sausages
> rawk solid
> no oven
>no microwave
> leave them to thaw outside on balcony
>cut pack open and spread em out
>too hard to cut
>get angry
> smash pack on balcony
>most of them fly off
> a few smash into meaty shrapnel
> watch as they are flying down
> they nearly break the sound barrier as they hit the open top orphan bus
> the sausage shrapnel is laceratimg everyone
> the orphans all have sausages lodged in their skulls
>dead.Tif
> I hide from the meaty massacre i caused
> no one knows im the sausage slayer

and kek was pleased for sasuaged car became a new meme for Him to feast upon

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>>692529921
first time i laughed in a /b/ thread in about 7 years

>>692529921
and Kek looked upon the sasuage slayer and He was pleased

Snizzsnozz

>>692530343
what's in the sauzz?

>>692529921

>sausages fall out of my pockets

You

Reading this
Lost the GAME

>>692519727
>>692523782
Funny shitpost although nothing extraordinary.
> inb4 it actually happened
Then snap a pic of the car that got slammed.

God tier thread

>>692520044
agreed

>>692520049
>not disabling Cortana
>express installation
enjoy being spied on

Roasting in a frozen sausage.

>>692530814

fffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuu

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>>692529921
im fucking crying from laughing so hard right now

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>>692531082
Here you go

I think OP got caught

>>692529180
What kind of fish are those?

>>692530646
And it was the worst day ever

>>692529921
My sides are somewhere around Pluto right now. Fucking kek

OP if you're still here we'd love an update on the situation

>>692531813
He was beaten to death with a partially defrosted kielbasa

>>692521157
>That's happened to me plenty of times
it seems fun, ain't it?

>>692532054

Live by the sausage, die by the sausage.

>>692522131
made my day

Anyone want to hear about the time the sausage slayer destroyed a whole apartment block

this was the funniest fucking thing ive seen in a long time.

rip sausage

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>>692519727

>>692527992
>visiting parents for christmas
>farmhouse in the middle of buttfuck iowa
>so stressed about new dad
>nigger, of course
>mom's been different since whitedad died
>doesnt trade with me anymore
>fucks niggers one after another until they inevitably leave her
>doesn't even work on her collection anymore
>this year's model is particularly apeish
>grandparents won't stop staring
>can barely choke down my christmas sausage with all this tension
>finally catch a break when my brother goes out for a smoke
>jump up to join him, don't even care if I look desperate
>we go out into the cold
>talk shit about tyrone4 and the horde of half nignog babies left by previous donors
>thank fuck the halflings are all in juvie, dead, or kidnapped by their dads
>(presumably for their meat? I dont know how these apes operate)

someone archive this shit

>>692534035
This.

That's not how fingerprints work, they'd ask you for prints to match it to the evidence if they found any

cont from >>692533977

>brother gets a shit eating grin
>I know that look from college days
>this fucker has weed
>we return to the farmhouse lit af
>christmas sausage tastes a lot better
>even the nigger seems pretty cool
>he gets more sausage when we clean the fuckers out
>yall fammy jus hol up tight I got dem sumbitches upinna macrowv
>grandma goes to refill her wine, looking like she doesn't need it
>me and bro keep exchanging glances, cracking up like teenagers
>grandma and the nigger have been in the kitchen a real long time
>shit's quiet. Too quiet.
>microwave beeps once, twice, three times.
>decide to take matters into my own hands
>mfw the god damn nigger's got tape over grandma's mouth already
>she's bent over the counter getting raped in her sweet old cooch by nigger#4 with a frozen sausage
>he's grunting in his cryptic language
>stroking his 12 inch cock while grandma takes it from an icy polska
>tears roll down her drunken face
>for a minute I don't know what to do
>then I freak the fuck out and go apeshit on that ape
>push him off my nan, grab the rapesausage out of his hand
>he doesn't take that well, gets that nigger rage look
>I keep pushing until we're out the back door
>grandma doesn't need to see
>before he can blink, I start to bludgeon him with his frozen rape meat
>crying and yelling "you're not my dad"
He runs for cover in his ancient low rider
>tfw I smash every window trying to get to the bastard
>cops finally pull me away after who knows how long
>they understand everything of course and get me a cup of water
>only good that came out of it is mom quitting niggers
>haven't eaten a sausage since then

That was the last time. I can't even look at a sausage without seeing a nigger on my gran now.

>>692529929
Autism, the post

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>>692534174

>>692519727
Wait, you want us to help you but you're not gonna show us your dick? Hard pass.

SOMEONE CAP

>>692535005
Working on it

>>692535005

Do it yourself

>>692529921
Literally lolled at this. Good work anon. Well written sausage slayer

>>692535113
please cap the snizz also

>>692527820

>datass.boing
My sides have capsized

>>692533977

>doesn't trade with me anymore

Ooooh my sides, no no no no no no.

>>692534174

Who are you?

>>692536218
Just a /b/tard helping out OP
Now he knows not to worry. I never got busted, he won't either. The fingerprints melt right off OP don't worry.

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AAAHAHAHAHAHAH HOOOOOLLLLLLY FUUUUUUUUCK MY SIDES

>>692519727
That's the best story you could make up? Not worthy here.

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>this thread

>>692536470
Any chance you could put the post that says snizzsnozz by the last post, there is a special reason

>>692537149
Cap it yourself if your gay safe word is so important to you.

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>>692529921

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>>692519727

Farewell

Best of luck OP

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>>692519727
I think I've seen this before but here ya go.

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>>692537149
I got it

>>692531129
*pretends to be safe from spying*

>lurkinginlegendarythread.jpeg

>>692537647
Thanks dude, i am on a tablet so i couldnt really do it myself

>>692520860
NO, IT WAS MY CAR

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Never forget the great car sausaging of 2016

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>>692520959
Keked a lot more at sausaged car more than I should have.

>>692524711
>>692527820
>>692527992
>>692528473
>>692528806
>>692529921
>>692533977
>>692534174
>>692519727
>>692523120
>>692523782
>>692521157
>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
>Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

>>692538790

Fuck you, these are all true stories.

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>>692538790

>>692538790
So what you said is fiction so they are true

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>>692538790

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>>692519727
>be me
>relaxing on couch
>have an apartment on 7th floor
>grab something to drink/eat
>while popcorn is getting ready, I look out the window
>flying saucer.gif
>go to window
>mfw guy screaming in his car with a frozen sausage in his window
>mfw I look up and see a guy sprinting in his apartment turning all the lights off and getting down in his bedroom

>>692539093
Airtight reasoning, I checked.
>This statement is false

what happened to OP? feel like hes mot posting anymore, did he get caught or something?

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>>692520169
nice tomato you bitch a$$ nigga

>>692533977
did you mean, "operape?"

>>692539547
Yes, he is going to jail where he will get a lot of sausages

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bumping

>>692539547
I think he got taken in
>>692523616
>his last post

>>692519727
>be me, sausage
>enjoying the cold in the freezer
>this prick decides to grab me out of the freezer
>ohhellno.png
>he puts me in microwave for a few minutes
>5 times later I'm still frozen
>he looks pissed
>he throws me out of window
>time to teach him a lesson
>guide myself to this moving car and smash window
>person in moving car drives into a parked car
>person gets out, holds me and yells "WHAT IN THE FUCK!!!"
>I hear panic from the shithead who threw me
>hear door close in the apartment
>see his lights turn off

>>692520044

this the end result of being into 4chan

>>692542409
Heh

>>692538790
You're new aren't you?

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>>692520959

Sweet Christ, the summer is real.

>>692538790
We can read too, you sausage sucker

>>692523782

Shit like this is why I stick around

These gems make it all worth it.

>>692534174

You fucking legend.

Way to ruin a decent thread. I hate summer.>>692529929
>>692530194
>>692530814
>>692531401
>>692531737
>>692532054
>>692533119
>>692535296
>>692535529
>>692536101
>>692536776
>>692537149
>>692537921
>>692538327
>>692538448
>>692539093
>>692538921
>>692541328

Way to ruin a decent thread. I hate summer