bump for interest

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ti2Am51U-L4

>>692384338
that's pretty good ,thank you.

well I guess that thread is just gonna die ahah.
I bump again,if people are intersted ..
Maybe too late ? i'll try later.

Honestly... i don't remember

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>>692385864
It has been a very long time since I've felt happiness...

>>692386178
I feel ya men..

Want to tell a bit more bout all that?
>>692386427
^

>>692383565
A long time ago. I've since learned that I hate people in general (including myself), and its been difficult to feel good since.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A9cIfVFNzSs

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>>692383565

Honestly, I've been fucked on the get go. I fuck prostitutes, drink myself retarded, and smoke a pack a day; to destract me while i wait for death.

>inb4 an hero faggot

I'd rather have the five people attending my wake, not feel angry.

>>692383565
11 years ago. I'm 20...

>>692386670
Hva you tried any work on yourself with some help? ..
You got friends?
also nice song.

>>692383565
Eh, about a month now. 'Ah, women. They make the highs higher, and the lows more frequent.'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qexi6I6t_7A
Bluebeat - Dans le Soleil. To my ear, a wonderful blend of melancholy and hope.

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I don´t fucking know.

>>692386688
I know that feel man.. i want to do the same with my life ,but I stil ltry to .. make it better ?
ahah..
Why don't you move to some places ,if you got nothing to loose ?
Like ,a road trip.

since they said bojack horseman season 3 would premiere this month

>>692383565
its been a while. now, i just read love story in mango form and get even more depressed with life.


i hate it. cant even let go of a fucking story.

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nothing makes me happy beside her

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bump

>>692386940
Story?
>>692387315
ahah man. i feel ya.
>>692387321
Why don't you change your routine?>>692387334
At least you got her,no?

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>>692386591
The last time I recalled being happy, I was in a relationship. It was a horrible relationship, but I did my best to make things work out between the both of us. my partner was just a slut and I was trying to help her not be such a slut. It's a long story that I feel is annoying to type out. A few months after I cut ties with her, I tried to an hero. Things just don't feel the same anymore. I thought I was getting better, but I guess I'm not.

when I got my pupper. that was like a year and 6 months ago tho

I suffer from schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.

I'd kill myself long time ago if not my family. Not like they're supporting me. They don't even know about it.

But if i did it, they would be so disappointed. Even if they don't care at the moment. Lots of tears and question without answers.

So yeah, it's like they're standing right on my path.

>>692387662
If it was a toxic relarionship, you don't have to regret it .. I know it hurt ,but you deserve better than that..
Try to move and focus on the things that make you happy usually.
Don't an hero..
I know life is pain,but sometimes ,it gets better ,and you have to live for those happy moments.

>>692383565
I've been alone for so long, I can't remember.
>The fact that we adapt so well is one of our greatest talents and one of our worst traits. We adapt, we forget why we wanted something in the first place, we get comfortable and then we realize what we had after we loose it. Happiness isn't a state of being, it's a feeling we get when we get something.

>>692383565
May 10, 2013.

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A little under 2 years ago, i was with an amazing girl, had great friends and actually enjoyed life, then i fucked it up as I always do.

Fuck i hate myself

>>692388248
You can be helped with your problem of schizophrenia .. not with doctors and pills or whathever . .
there is soft method that at least ,needs to be tried.
Have you heard about dowsing ? (not sure of the word,i'm not english )
This help people with disorder.. You should try anon .

>>692388248
wtf is it like being a schizo?

its like psychosis right?

>>692383565
Happy? Probably last time I did drugs, 6 months ago. Content with my life? Never.

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>>692388364
I know I shouldn't regret it, but I can't help but feel that if I were to try even harder, things would be better. It's only a feeling though, mate.
I'm working on moving on and my focus is on trying to get back into school and moving out of state atm. As for hobbies, I don't think I have any that I can just stay focused on. my attention span is so short now.
I'll try living for those future moments.

thanks anon.

>>692388489
that's some really sad way to think ..
I think that the problem is that we don't learn how to be happy.
We learn all kind of stuff in school , but not who we are, what we want to do , why ..
and you need to ask yourself those questions..
>>692388970
There is always good i na bad situation..
Maybe you don't see it yet ,but trust me ,one day you'll se it ,and that day, maybe you'll be glad that all that happend to you.
Everything happend for a reason.

>>692389010
Imagine having lots of dumb voices in your heads saying mean things most of the time. Then add paranoia to it. It's fucking awful.

Sometimes i hear a normal male/female voice talking shit. Sometimes it does not have a "vocal" form, it's like someones else thought that appears in your head. You instantly know its not "yours'.

>>692388980
Fuck doctors and their pills. I tried this stuff and it only made it worse. I felt like a mindless zombie, a robot without any emotions.
Tell me more about this method.

>>692389708
What pills they put you on? I'm on venlafaxine for BPD.

>>692389520
>Everything happend for a reason.

Not it fucking dosnt. Life isn't predetermined, you make it out as you go along. We are specs in the wind. You had something good and lost it? Well that was stupid of you, now get over it or spend your life regretting, dosnt matter, we'll all end up dead and nothing we ever accomplish will ever matter anyhow

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>>692389708
I'm going to take the pills (Lithium) being a mindless zombie seems good to me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iB7E1D_3Na4

>>692389708
I fucking agree with you, fuck doctors and the pills.
Geez.. I wish I could help you more.
I'm gonna try to eplain to you in my onw words.
In my language , that method is called "la radiésthésie" . The thing is kinda spiritua on a ay , but real scientist acually work with it , and even some doctors.
The disease that you have , schizophenia ,would be due to some entities, bad ones, who take over a part of you and feed with your bad thought and everything.
I know it sounds crazy, but belive me it woth the try.
I'm really bad at explanation sorry..
there is more information on the internet

>>692387631
because i have nothing else to do. i hate my life. no friends. 5.5 more years of the navy. i just want to be back in highschool. maybe then i could fix all the shit i did wrong.

>>692388248
its cool dude im schizo too
i tried to kms in 7 grade
am 20 now
gonna ride this one out fellas

Probably sometime last summer. I was excited to finally leave my parents and go off to college. Senior year was a particularly shitty one, and the premise of finally being able to start life on my own and have some semblance of independence was really exciting. Too bad college was equally if not more lame, but I guess it's okay because I've been way more unhappy.

>>692389873
Can't exactly remembers. Shitty antidepressants, sleep pills, perphenazine and some other shit.
It was three years ago since i took these last time. I've got better methods.

>>692389973
How fucked in head you have to be to enjoy this state?

>>692390669
I'll check it out. Thank you.

>>692390669
Tell someone with a mental illness they are being plagued by demons. Great idea.

>>692389708
>>692390961

please read this article
http://www.clairvision.org/knowledge-base/entities-faqs.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=35gheud5xBo

Still working / fucked up with my girlfriend / smoking grass and writing down master thesis

Before my father died. Had a normal day, got home and he looked me straight in the eye at one point whilst talking and said "You know, they send old people here to die." Carried on convo as normal, went to bed and next day he drops dead. Doctors reckon that this heart attack finally killed him (fucker survived 6 heart attacks prior to this)

>>692390961
>I've got better methods.
Such as?

>>692389913
Not who you were responding to, but before you read what I have to say, full disclosure that I suck at arguing and probably communicating altogether. However, I think it's the easy way out to dismiss everything and chalk it all up to the chaos that is our universe. Regardless of how you view it, simply put, some things just aren't meant to be. How you interpret it is the important part. I'd like to think the absence of things happening is more important, in the sense that if it were going to happen, it would.

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What's the fastest and most painless way I can an hero. I've got all the notes and shit set up.

>>692391554
Gun.

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>>692383565
It's been a rough couple of years recently, but I've had a shitty life overall. I'm selling off all my shit on eBay so my family won't have to deal with it when I finally an hero.

>>692391624
Not an amerifag

>>692391554
Gravity i think. Aka jumping off a tall building. But only if you can't put your hand on a gun.

>>692391027
it's not fucking demons m8.
plus I just try to help becasue I know that pills are terrible and just make the disease asleep..
I thin kthat's good to try different things.

>>692391703
Get drunk/high as fuck and jump off a building.

>>692391121
Tulpa.
I knew this is not recommended for people with such mental illnesses, but i literally had nothing to lose. And it turned out really good for me.
She (cause it's a female) helps me deal with all of this shit most of the time. I don't know if i could handle it without her.

It's always women, eh? I don't think I've ever reached a point of happiness beyond mere in the moment type things. I was with a girl for two years until one day I realized I didn't love her and we just weren't meant to be. I felt so happy to finally be free and be single again, live for myself and all that. I was content with a nice paying job and such, still not really happy just content. That's when another lady came around. She drags my emotions through the mud only to bring me back into the clouds. Right now they're in the mud..I know it's toxic but the thought of us being together makes me so happy but then she just shoots me back into the dirt. I'm stuck in a rut and there is just no way out...maybe one day we'll all find happiness...

>>692391121
Such as pure meth

>>692391554
fall in love also a shot in the head.

>>692391627
If that means you trying to kill yourself, please don't anon. Find someone who's just as sad as you and help them overcome it by either being with them or just being there to help them. It gives your life a purpose. Maybe not everyone, but it might help you.

>>692391440
>in the sense that if it were going to happen, it would

No it won't. You either make it happen or it dosn't. Life isnt fair, nothing happens because "its supposed to". We are all alone in the universe, you are born alone and you die alone

>>692391824
I've heard of this process. I'm glad you've found something that works. I'm sticking to the pills for now but hoping I can get to a point where I dont need them.

2009

>>692391554
>>692391703
Don't be an hero..

>>692391824
It actually sounds crazy but it's interesting as fuck. I'm going to make some reshearch about this

>>692392034
Good luck then.

Never really been the happy guy, might seem like the one if you would see me irl, but it's just an act because in reality I really feel shit inside.

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>>692383565

No idea when I was last happy. Probably as a child. I always kinda thought that I'm the worst of all people. Because I like certain things and think about things others never did.

I regret every little thing I ever did and tell myself that I need to be locked away. I don't want people to feel uncomfortable, only because of my stupidity and laziness.

When i was 13 right before i turned 14. Im 23

>>692391985
It's not about it being fair...it's just about the way things work out. Some things obviously will just never happen, but sometimes the way life works out is pretty funny. You've just got to try seeing the humor in things, as horrible as things might be going.

>>692392529
You need to see a doctor.

This is generally how i feel all of the time

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cM5PYFGy2oA

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Op here, I have to go now,
I really hope that you all get better in your lifes..
Belive in your dreams, and if you don't have any, so create them ..
everything is still possible, you are alife.
You can decide to change your life.
and if you have big obstacles ,it's becasue you're strong enough to pass through them..

Btw that makes me happy that /b/ is not completely wasted ,there is still good people like you guys.
You are not worthless.
Keep fighting ,I know you can all do better , at least a little.
I wish you good luck.

>>692392529
>>692392667
This is one of the main symptom of depression or bipolar disorded. Maybe you should seek medical help.

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>>692383565
I don't remember. I never real feel any strong emotion though to be honest. Sometimes I catch a fondness for someone but thats the extent of my capacity to feel.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39zKhsT5naI
>I feel faraway from people

>>692392561

Having abit of a hard time seeing the humor in waking up wishing i never did for 7 years, but thanks for the tip

>>692389973
are you me?

>>692391824
the fucks a tulpa?

>>692392529
Same man, I haven't been happy for a long time either, I've never had a gf, never had sex, I've always been the guy who's left out because I'm diffrent.

Today.

>>692391824
how the fuck do you stay dedicated to this shit?
I tried 2 times now and only stuck with it for a week at most

seriously

>>692392314
Well, it is interesting, especially for someone who hears about it for the first time.
I got used to it, i mean - it's still amazing. I can hear and see her.
I can touch her too. It does not feel like touching real-life object but there's that weird aura, actual resistance, tingles and itching. I feel that nice warmth when she's really close to me. It's awesome.

>>692393054
I think I'm not stating what I want to say correctly. I'm not sure what I believe in right now honestly, but I know for a fact that I'm glad certain things didn't happen in the past because I can say in retrospect that I dodged a bullet. Things work out themselves out in odd ways, not as a consequence of anything you've actually done, but just because life is so random and downright fucking goofy.

People won't leave me alone to the point where I don't have an original thought in my head anymore. My life is a horror movie that keeps getting worse every day

>>692388776
Fuck eh, what happened?

>>692383565
Today

>>692393375
I just really wanted to have one. I was thinking of it like something to help me with my schizophrenia.

>>692393229
Google it, i am not going to literally write a book about tulpas for you.

>>692383565
right now, actually. Turned in my two weeks notice a few months back and the fucking anexity and depression stopped. I now work at a gas station overnight and have an average of ten customers a night. I get paid 12 bucks an hour and am much happier (considering i left making only 13 bucks an hour, i have no issues). Plus i get overtime whenever i want. I literally spend 12 hours a day there sometimes and just chill out after my stocking and cleaning is done.

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>>692393166
Maybe. When you're noone you feel like you could be anyone.

>>692393896
Well, according to google they are basically imaginary friends, which I can see a schizophrenic being able to keep up with but I wouldnt be able to.

>>692392529
>>692393013

Psychologist? I'm already 3 years in therapy.

He tells me that I'm in danger of getting depression. Yet my major problem, atleast according to my psychologist, is that I'm simply shy.

I'm not so sure about this. I think a lot about suicide but I'm reluctant. I don't believe in a paradise or something, there is nothing after I get through it. Its not like I will care when I'm dead but alone from a rational point of view, it would be a waste. I can work, I'm healthy, I'm a young man.

Yet nobody wants me, nobody needs me. I'm just a nuisance and a burden to the people around me.

I feel like I'm stuck in limbo sometimes.

>>692394077
Yeah, i call tulpas "imaginary friends" or "schizophrenia on request" ironically myself, but it's actually more complicated than you think.

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>>692383565
2weeks ago, sitting in the New York Bar in Tokyo(the bar from lost in translation), listening to live jazz, right next to me and drinking a Macallan 34y. First shot out of the bottle.

>>692394090

No i'm not a psychologist but i can relate to your feeling and i've seen a shitload of psychiatrist in my life so...

Main probleme is being shy. You don't have any friends, just your family ?

>>692393896
Well fuck me guess I'm not cut out to do this shit cause I got no drive or will to do anything

Maybe I have low testosterone? doubt it

can only work out while on caffeine

kill me, because I don't have the balls to do it

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>>692383565
what do I like? what are my dreams? what am I good at? what am I interested in? who am I? what is my goal? am I happy? how do I feel?

I am unable to answer these question and I'm stuck with this for about 2 years now. I thought this identity-bullshit would just go away but it doesn't and it feels like I'm lost and I'm not even sure about myself anymore in a lot of things.

>>692394877

Eh no, I thought you meant a psychologist with medical help, I've just cut the sentence short.

Well yes, just my family but even they started to simply ignore me. Though I see that more as a blessing.

I'm not sure about the part with just being shy. I sometimes just freeze up or even get the urge to flee the room when too many people are in it.

https://youtu.be/NYwoDEZ8hdw

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Enjoy. See you retarded faggots in the next world
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vsw_B0ADhKw

>>692395269
It's not about testosterone man.
You're just too lazy.
If you really want a tulpa you have to keep yourself motivated to work on tulpa every single day for long time. Find a good reason. Or just force yourself, but i don't think that's the best way. Tulpa means a kind of "responsibility". You have to put your heart into it.

>>692395893
I can't tulpa's are cool and all but fuck that noise

>>692396135
Noise?

>>692396135
Agreed, seems pointless and childish

>>692391178
never trust grils

>>692391178
Girls can´t love. Is nature.

>>692383565
2 years ago . i was touring in russia and we nearly all died in a car crash , the first concert we managed to play after that was just crazy . My life sucks pretty fucking hard right now and even tho i don't have it that bad , i can't manage to be happy .

>>692396395
nois?

>>692396402
But he just said tulpas are "cool", can't you read?
If it seems "childish" for you then you probably don't understand it and how does it work, but it's just my opinion and i won't be arguing with you.

>>692396699
noisnois?

>>692396894
nios?

>>692391178
They aren't worth it mane

>>692397007
inos?

>>692397115
soni?

>>692397115
nosi?

>>692397293
onis?

>>692397115

For Innos!

>>692397517
can you fuck off now?

holy shit this is dumb

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>>692397585

Forgot pic.

June 22rd to June 29th 2014, that was the best time of my life with a friend I don't have anymore. He and his family took me on a week-long trip to Vegas and the heart of the grand canyon. I miss those times and I miss him so much. I think the other time would have been October 30th, 2015 when my friends and I threw a party for another friend (non- Vegas one) because his family wasn't going to celebrate with him. He was so happy and that's when all of my 6 friends were actually together and happy- now we're dispersed and only faces in the halls. It feels bad, man

>>692397636
fuck off?

there was a time in my life where I had a house, a band, a hot girlfriend, and hope for the future. If i ever had those things again, i suppose i'd be happy.

>>692394696
This is awesome, thanks for sharing.

>>692398002
Did you also have drugs?

There's the occasional feel-good but happiness? I have friends, not "many" but friends. Good ones even.. I don't have any dreams for the future however. I don't think I've really been happy for.. I don't know.. Must have been years ago.

>>692383565
It's been so long since I've last felt that horrid emotion you call happiness, so I'm not sure anymore. I honestly wish I had the balls to do anything interesting but nope, I'm just a pathetic little speck on the earth.

And now I'm going to scream into a pillow like a faggot because I shared my opinions and thoughts on this thread.

>>692398656
rip

i have no idea the last time i was genuinely happy.
i'm very lost with everything about myself and i'm not sure what i want to do or if things will get better for me, i'm really not counting on it.

i try to think about the present but i'm always thinking about the future and the past. i feel like the peak of anything in my life is going to be the exact same as it is from my mom's basement to an apartment.

i don't have any real friends, like, real, friends. people that i'm close to. i don't have that. all i have is the stupid internet.

i try to say that i'm going to better myself, but i've been saying that for years. i don't know what else to say, i think this song sums up how i feel. sorry, don't feel like going through a list of my bands

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x7ZNRyrD34A

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>>692398615
Oh yeah, forgot to post music
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vedcDP-pAk

Not happy, mostly do weed because it's chill and kinda makes me feel good

>>692383565
Can you define what you mean by happiness?

Because the last time I was ever "genuinely intrinsically happy" was when I was a child.

Yet, I was also happy today, even right now, because my fears and anxieties are put to rest for the time being through willful ignorance, and the sun is back for the time being, and the environment provides more physiological benefits to my persons... and because I have such a grip on my own personal being, that I'm just well.

But sometimes I like to get cathartic and self-destructive in a place that won't expose me to true harm, so I am also happy then.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csrRB_agsJk

This shit couldn't be more true. If you want to be happy, listen to this man.

Happiness is a choice.

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>>692387334
same

>>692383565
more than a month ago, when i finially thought shit ended, but it didnt
she was diagnosed with lung cancer again, it had spread to her remaining lung
it went downhill from that, she was in intensive care for few days and now she cant breath without machines
she will have surgery this weekend but it is very risky, when i imagine she might not be alive 3 days later, feels bad.
we were planning on marrying when she got diagnosed, fuck. i might as well kill myself if i lose her.

>>692401828
I don't even know what to say.

>>692384338
no problem anon, I found this song a couple of weeks ago, and I fell in love with it
(sorry for the late response)

>>692383565
1994

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>>692403122
>you really shouldn't have said 1994
>because now I get to do this

>>692392972
needs more tits and less faggotry

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>>692383565
I used to be happy when my dog was young and I was fucking her on a regular basis

Then she got sick as she grew older and had to be spayed, we had to stop having sex and now all I can think about is that how we only have a couple more years together before her life is over :(

>>692403611
how do you have sex with a dog? i understand stuff like horses etc..but dogs?

>>692401828
sorry for your troubles, anon. i will literally pray for you and your gf.

besides, was she a smoker?

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>>692403832
It just has to be a large breed and intact, their genitals are roughly the same size as ours as long as they weren't spayed/neutered as a puppy.

Gotta be really gentle and careful the first time though, and not every dog enjoys it.

>>692404489
tell me more

>>692383565
never

>>692383565
can't remember. probably when i was drunk with my ex-wife.
fuck it. everyday is hell but i just try and get through it. no point dwelling on it. just gotta ride out the storm and hope for sunshine

>>692401828
My mom died in front of me on April 15th. It feels like you're in the twilight zone for a while. Like you could wake up and everything could be normal. Life just moves on though.

It seems like stuff will be horrific. After everything is over it isn't as bad as you imagined. I got a lot of people that I love, and love me. People want me around. Even if I didn't my mom would want me to be alright, so I'll be alright no matter what.

I hope everything works out for you. No matter what, if you got life you got a chance to be happy.

>>692383565
I'd say about 2008. new job I enjoyed, getting fit, girl I liked was about to move in with me.

She hasn't left yet.

>>692404489
Ive heard that dog vaginas are made to really milk the cock, and that you will come nearly instantly after inserting your cock.

True or false?

I dont remember https://youtu.be/eMt81h16Lj4

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>>692404913
i rarely lasted more than a minute tbh, shit was intense. you can relly feel the contractions if you use your finger but it's less obvious on your dick. It's very warm since her body temperature is 1-2 degrees higher than a human

but it was just as much the taboo and primal nature of the act, i think. we always did it doggy style on the floor and she would always lick both of us clean afterwards

>>692383565
when my sis gave me a bj
http://1312484.igenapps.com/go-figure#0

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>>692391554
fall in love and you die everyday

>>692404398
no she never smoked in her life
but her grandpa was a chain smoker, and she lived with her grandpa because her parents died when she was 8
she got diagnosed with cancer few mohnts after her grandpa died, when she was 19 years old, fucking 19, it was years ago

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>>692391551
this is actually sad

>>692405894
That's hot..

>>692406348
shit, that fucking sucks anon.
stay strong m8

>>692383565
I can't remember, it must have been really far from now. At the moment though, I don't feel sad. I think by a certain point in our lives, like adulthood, we gotta go looking for it. I have a long way to go.

Lost my job, friend goes into the army, lost my second job, grandmother dies. Lose most of my friends either due to them throwing fits about shit or just falling away. All that happend in the coures of 3 months. Febuary to May of this year. Now I'm just growing my beard and sitting alone playing video games waiting for something to happen.

>>692404650
sorry for your loss
anon i dont have any friends, just her, and i am very far away from my family
i love my fiance more than anyone i ever loved, i love her more than i love my own parents(yeah i know it might be opposite for most people)
she isnt just my gf, she is my best and only friend, and i am her only friend, we are both freaks and only have eachother
I didnt even tell my brother or colleagues about her cancer.
also she is still alive, if her surgery goes good, she will live, at least thats what i hope

>>692389471

The song by Dr. Dre, Housewife, the chourus says you can't make a hoe a housewife. She was a hoe, so you had to go. Can't change most people. It's best you leave them be. You tried your hardest but it was in vain no matter how hard you would of. In the end of the day, she was a slut and she was going to do what she wanted. People like that, its best to mot get attached or stay away. Whatever they do usually comes back to bite them in the ass. You did right by cutting contact.

>>692406788
thanks man