>>691762939
Reply to you

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>>691762939
>>691763001
reply to the both of you...

I put cat food in my Grandpa's shoe and then put it in the freezer. He found it several days later and was like wtf? I think he suspected my brother but never said anything.

My cousin passed out after drinking, so I wiggles my dick into her and came. Shit was so cash. But I felt bad after.

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>>691762939
>be me
>be 19
>friend's friend calls me to pick him up at the station
>The bastard fucked my gf
>too busy playing Oblivion ( it just came out )
>next day friend calls me
>his friend got ran over by a car
>mfw I indirectly killed that idiot
>to this day nobody knows he'd still be alive if it weren't for me

Don't steal my girl you motherfucker

>>691763563
did you impregnate her?

getting these dubs

>>691763646

No. Thank god.

>>691763359

Kek

>>691763586
Kek

>>691763651
Which ones?

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>>691762939
>be 18
>was with a bro at my house chillin
>he told me he needed to go to the bathroom
>was bored so I wanted to have fun a bit so I told him he can't go
>guy started crying 'cuz he really needed to go
>tell him "I will allow it"
>he thanks me with tears in his eyes
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>he comes back from bathroom all wet on his pants
>turns out he pissed himself before getting there
>i told all our friends and we laughed at him for a couple of months, gave him a nickname too
>2 years later i hear he's a gimp for a 50 something yo rich woman
>mfw i turned that guy into a submissive gimp

got some dumb rich bitched hooked on shooting dope .. made her pay for all my heroin and coke for almost a year before she overdosed and wound up in a coma .. would do it again though

>>691763779
did you fuck her though?

>>691762939
Got someone fired for stealing at work. Took advantage of my gf when she was drunk. Paid a Philipino 4 year old to masturbate on cam for me.

>be me, 16yo edgelord
>gf at time is 15
>gf tells me she recieved dick pics from a 13yo
>skype call 13yo and blackmail him with leaking dick pics at school
>he cries
>I make him dance on cam, he's a fatty.
>I make him exercise on cam
>tell him he has to do one last thing and I'll delete the pictures and freedom will be his
>'Lick your cats asshole'
>takes screenshots
>'I took photos, they're going around the school too'
>let him cry a while
>delete photos and tell him to learn from experience.

>>691763836
of course bro

Some little bastard grandchild put my shoe in the freezer with a bunch of nibbles' special dietary blend for his heart.

Whenever that grandchild came over, I would open my colostomy bag and smear fresh feces into his after school sandwich. Little asshole.

>>691763776
Is he a retard?

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>>691763776
Humans can be so cruel.
Hahahahaha

>>691763977
>>691763921
Fucking legend

I tricked some Chinese fag into coming back to my apartment. I drugged him, tied him up, and then murdered him with and ice pick. Then I chopped him up on cam and raped his corpse. Fed part of him to my dog. Had a taste myself.

>>691764045
I don't know for sure but we always told him he walks and talks funny.

>>691763903
Now that I think of it. Also, fucked 15 yo prostitute. Fucked several prostitutes. Cheated on gf. Got young girls to send me nude pics which I put on Internet. Personal armied against a bitch who fucked me over by dumping nude videos of her on the Internet. Think I got her to drop out of college as a result. Stalked several girls. Leaked classified information on the Internet. Stole from work. Damn. I'm a shitty person.

I cheat pretty regularly on my wife. She just found out she's pregnant, the next day her sister gave me a bj during one of her Profesional massages

Loving another girl, and not having the balls to break up with gf of 4 years.

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I slept with this bitch. She smelled, but was freaky in bed.

>>691764583

23 yo detected. Stick with your current gf. You'll get over your crush and be happy.

>>691763586
best short greentext i've ever read

>>691764886
Thought about it, but I had my doubts about my relationship even before the other girl came around. She just sped up things for me.

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> Be me
>Be 17
> Have some shitlord "friend" who talks shit about everyone in my social circle
> Then acts like we're good friends when we're in his presence
> Also a compulsive liar (e.g. "I do MMA" "I get heaps of pussy")
> One day I get fed up with his lies and tough guy act
> He said he'd kill himself if he had my looks
> youfuckedup.jpg
> Get up in his face and the little faggots scared
> Punch him in the face and grab the back of his head and his face into the wall
>Mfw I got heaps of respect and broke his nose

>>691764287
fuck, now i wanna watch that vid again. what was the guys name?

>>691762939
>be me (18)
>be a couple months ago
>girl i liked back in middle school finally decides to have a crush on me
>feelsgoodman.jpg
>she also has a boyfriend
>we started out cuddling/watching movies
>progressed to the point where we started sleeping with eachother.
>she tells me her boyfriend is alright with it, so long as we didnt have sex.
>had sex several times
>she finally confesses it to boyfriend.
>boyfriend is mad at me (duh)
>i feel like shit because i completely fucked up their relationship.
>now i started drinking heavily and smoking as well because i feel like a complete tool.
>she tells me its ok, and that she plans on getting engaged with her boyfriend.
>now i feel worse because of what i put them through
>shes very intent on keeping our friendship alive, but i just dont think i could do it.
>now everytime she sees me she asks about how my depression is doing, she even gave me "homework" for my depression.
>i have no idea why she cares so much.

i might just be being a little bitch about this situation, but i guess i justified the situation because this girl was a 10/10 personality body and all.

i still dont think i exactly regret it either. am i a bad person?

>>691765116
Slam his face into the wall**

>>691765134

magnotta. Luka I think.

>>691765190

You're clearly a homo cuckold. Stop.

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I tied a friend to a table and hired some girls to make him hard then cut fis dick.

Long time ago I'm roommates with a friend. He's a faggot that can't get a girl. He finally meets a girl at work he thinks is interested in him. They go out . Has a great time but no pussy. She comes to our house to meet him. He's not home yet. She's a real cute dumb blonde slut. Her and I smoke weed. I'm fucking her in 20 min. I continued sticking it in her every chance I get for years until the faggot found out.

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>>691765190
Probably lies, if it is true stop being a little bitch. I hate people like you who some how make everything about yourself and full of self pitty

>>691765356
that's the one! cheers /b/ro

>>691765190
he's a cuck

>>691765190
No. Human nature kicked in and you got to use the chance to get with someone you considered perfect. Now that you think of the ramifications of your actions, you feel bad about what transpired. On the subject of her caring so much, I think it's because she still considers you a dear friend. She doesn't want to lose you, even if you did fuck a few times.

>>691765475
cut his dick? what?

dude that fucked the girl with the bf are you fuckin retarded? she just wanted to do that because her relationship was shit with her bf and wanted to make it all drastic.

>>691765063
Pretty much in the same situation. Did you already cheat on your gf?

>>691762939
I tripped Liz in 4th grade in P.E. and she fell and broke her leg. She didn't know I tripped her

I went on Yik Yak and claimed that I'd witnessed a campus rape at a frat party. Universities are pretty much all hysterical feminists these days, so next thing you know I had the campus police "reaching out to me." I guess they started an investigation and had the dean investigating all the frat houses.

I seriously thought they were going to track my IP and I'd get in huge trouble. Nothing came of it.

Now I laugh. But man...sure stirred up a lot of trouble.

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Worst thing? Dunno how to out this but I was with this one girl about a year ago. We were really close but then things got bad. To pull though it we always talked about getting married and shit, being "together forever" fairytale bullshit.

Eventually she got tired of me, and then left for my best friend. Then it was over.

Don't do all this crazy shit and make promises you can't keep.

>>691765840

I'm 37 btw.

>>691762939
Cheated on my ex wife with another woman the same day my brother in law became an hero

>>691764470

Joe?

>>691766081
She cheated first yet im still the asshole

I made a fake Facebook account and added 237 jehovas. It looks pretty legit. I use it to insult people I used to know but never had the courage to tell off.

Jasmine Artinski. "You got married? You stupid slut. Who the fuck would marry you?"

I also use it to cause trouble for various restaurants around town for no reason. Challenge their tipping pices etc. They're corporately required to respond in Ernest. I've wasted so many peoples' time just to amuse myself.

>>691765724
We were both feeling guilty, so nothing serious, but holding hands, hugging and getting intimate a bit.

I full on raped a drunk unconscious girl. Lucky for me she never pressed charges only told a bunch of her friends and they just raged on social media. I don't regret it either.

Girls are funny that way. Always complain how rapists never get justice but they never press charges. I think they secretly like it cause it gives them a lifetime of victim good, excuses and a direction for their anger and sadness that would otherwise be pointed at themselves.

>>691765529
yeah, i guess i am taking it like a bit of a bitch. but its not like i was being an attention whore or anything. i kept my problems to myself. she just wanted to help.

>>691765639
its clear that she wants to keep our friendship, but even she knows its difficult. im just doing my best not to interfere with her relationship with her boyfriend, because its obvious its failing, and even more so that im partly to blame.

>>691762939
I sexually assaulted a girl once while we were both drunk at a party

My neighbours went on holidays, so I posted a sign on their door. "Dear mail man. Please contact police. Do not enter. Murder-suicide within."

Next thing you know, the cops are kicking down the door and trashing the place. I was laughing so hard.

They came back 2 weeks later to find a disaster in their house. They were disturbed by the entire thing.

>>691766842

Brock? Dat u?

>>691762939
I can't think of anything extreme other than scamming. I have probably scammed $5k+ on craigslist, and pretending to be a drug dealer on Instagram, and posing as underage on dating websites

>>691765715
their relationship wasn't the best, but she was committed to keeping it afloat.

I have herpes and I work at the Olive Garden. When I have a break out, I make sure to touch it to the dishes in hopes of transmitting it to a guest.

>>691767243
y tho?

>>691767350

Because olive garden guests are scum.

>>691763729
These dubs boi

I have committed 5 years to a nuisance campaign against the government of Iceland. I'm Canadian and I keep demanding that they ship a bunch of our moose over thereally to "keep their unruly flora at bay." I even got the Icelandic embassy involved. It's pretty ridiculous. Some asshole named Bjorg freaked out on me and started screaming when I phoned him.

>>691767092
Nope

>>691762939
>Mates sister breaks his fingers when he went to wake her up by kicking at him for waking her.
>joke is made about him fingerblasting his sister
>Riles him up heaps bad, naturally.
>Joke keeps getting made
>Gets overheard
>Everyone gives him shit for it
>Becomes public knowledge
>People eventually come to accept it as fact
>People he has never met before have heard of his incestual reputation
We're 20 now and if you mention his name the first thing that will come up will involve stories about his sister. I started it.

>>691762939
I recorded a roommate in the shower when we lived together briefly for six months. She was fucking hot and had huge tits. Moved out with fuckwit boyfriend. New roomie is a land whale.

Cheated on several gf. Kicked my neighbor's dog to death. At a new year's afterparty I raped a drugged girl.

>>691768554

I considered this, but I'm afraid of recording her while she's taking a shit or something.

>>691768554
Did she ever find out?

>>691768865
Wtf you're a terrible person

>>691767092
that's definitely him, he's the only guy that ever did that

>>691767727
Kek

>>691768972
Lol yeah, it took ages, I had the camera on a bookshelf in her room under some stuff and when she was busy before getting ready for bed id go turn it on and let it record and view it the next day. 99% of the time I got nothing, too dark or she'd have the bathroom door closed etc

>>691769035
Was. But yeah.

>>691768554
Show screenshots.

>>691767147
>I can't think of anything extreme

>>691769187
Never too late to change, but you really gotta spend some extra effort to make up for all what you have done.

>>691769209
No way, posted them on here once before and had a stroke the next week worrying shed someone find out or someone she knew would see it

>>691768128
>>Mates sister breaks his fingers when he went to wake her up by kicking at him for waking her.
What?

>>691769396
Then it didn't happen.

>>691769396
pussy

>>691769396
POST THEM FAGGOT

>>691769396
fake/10

>>691769396
Post it for 3 mins and then delete it

>>691769232
>5k total not from one person

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>>691769486
>>691769588
>>691769608
>>691769649
I've got a lot, but I'm not posting anything with her face

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Broke up with my gf a few days ago. She absolutely loved me but I didn't feel the same way. I feel like shit guys.

>>691762939
Force fed someone vegetarian bacon.

>>691769798

Why? You didn't feel the same way.
You did her a fucking favor.

>>691769756
Shit nice man

>>691769806
Nice

I was one of those bastards who stole pokemon cards in second grade.
Stashed a Raichu behind wall mounted shelf, no one found it.

Got what I deserved eventually but to this day I still have this itch to go back to said school and see if it's still there.

>>691769788

Nasty

>>691769858
Have you ever seen someone's dreams crushed right before your eyes? Have you ever been the one crushing those dreams? It fucking hurts dude.

>>691762939
Ignore my ex gf while I was with my new gf. Unbeknownst to me she was pregnant with my child but she aborted it with a coathanger. I feel partially responsible because I ignored her for ao long that she decided to take matters into her own hands.

I cucked my dad by fucking my sister

>>691769788
>>691769756

Just black out her face and show more body. I can tell they're nice tits though. Good job.

>>691770015
How is that cucking your dad

Similar situation here. We've been together for more than 4 years now, I felt it going downhill, but dindu nuffin. Now I met this other girl, and she fucked me up emotionally. I have to break up soon, but it's very hard.

>>691762939
my gf cheated on me last year so at night i walked past her house saw her cat out, killed it and threw it hard at her window

>>691770015
Top Kek

>>691764470
Grade A cunt right here

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I literally did the Major Payne finger break thing to a kid in the third grade

>>691770066
Tri dubs and still a retard

>>691770067
I take it you were replying to >>691769798

When you say "fucked you up emotionally" what do you mean

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>Be me, 10 yo lived next to our grandparents
>My grandpa loved mozell, pic related and would always have a bottle in the fridge
>One day i snuck in and drank his soda while he was napping
>Since i was retarded i decided to piss in it and fill the rest with water so he would not notice and get mad
>He wakes up from his nap and wants to play cards
>I go get the cards and come back to find grandpa has gotten the piss soda from the fridge
>He takes a big sip, followed by a loud gulp and a shiver
>"Blech, tastes like piss"
>Glares at me, then goes and pours the rest into the sink
>Proceed to beat that old nigger in cards

>>691770015
Story anon?

I take bike locks and put them on the handles of the doors of restaurants late at night. It's wildly disruptive for them to get there and the morning and have to deal with the fact that they can't get in. I fucked over Red Lobster about 14 times. They installed surveillance to get to the bottom of it, so I wear a mask.

>>691765116
Yea, so this never happened

>>691769998

Yes, yes i have.

A couple years ago.
>dated girl for four years.
>she wanted me to propose.
>wanted to have children with me.
>I realized I didn't love her the same way anymore.
>We have a huge fight.
>I end it with her.
>Tell her I don't love her anymore.
>Tell her I want nothing to do with her.

I literally thought she was going to kill herself.
>She's now engaged.
>They're going to have kids.
>They're fucking happy.
>I'm happy, dating someone, and thinking of proposing.

If you don't love someone, let them go. It will give them another chance to find happiness.

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>>691762939
Stole car
plowed it into a snowbank
ran away
was never caught

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>>691762939

>>691770015
I cucked my sister by fucking my dad

Giving short version
>be home from navy
>party at friends
>try to get with friend but too drunk
>change target to 7/10 black girl who is also drunk
>shesavirgin.mp3
>dont believe her
>take her to bedroom
>talk her into sucking my dick
>fuckit.jpg
>flip her over and slam inside her cunt
>shes begging stop
>i dont care
>she starts to enjoy it
>i cum
>wake up next morning to bloodsoaked sheets
>shewasavirgin.gif
>sneak out and never speak to her or other friend again.

I'm a girl and I routinely go out of the house telling my parents im with my friends when I'm actually hooking up with guys that I know... Whenever I start to feel guilty I just think of when they yell at me and the way they treat me. Been doing it for a while now, they have no idea.

>>691770076
Fuckin A

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>>691762939

I killed my own mother due to complications from birth.

>>691770436

7/10 chimp

Lies.

>>691770187
Yep, fucked up the reply. Started having feelings for her after talking to each other a lot, and meeting a lot. We got a bit intimate on a drunken night.

>>691770535
This is bait. Tits or gtfo.

>>691766258
Nope

>>691770240
chuckled vigorously

>>691770106
I guess things add up over time

>>691770623
What are you 12?
Obviously she was whitewashed

>>691766054
Why is this relevant? Piss off

ITT: Redditors make up "epic" greentext stories for upboats
Try not starting every greentext story with "be me" so you're all less fucking obvious next time you underage cocksuckers.

>>691770362
You weren't malicious about it so I don't think that's bad

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>>691762939

>Made a girl kill herself

But if you meant physically then it would be a broken nose.

>>691770782
>gets mad at green texts in a story thread
>upvotes on /b/
>is 12 with a micro penis

I got into a relationship with a 50 yo single mom just to get her 21 yo smoking hot daughter...then I manipulated the mom into being a complete bitch to her daughter.....then let the daughter get back at mom by fucking me. Shit. Was. Cash.

>>691770782
Welcome newfriend :^)

>>691766676
Ah, yes...mhm. Nope, hang yourself

>Be 19
>Former friend who dated my now-ex before I had dated her
>He still sends her dick pics when he's drunk
>Find out from other friend that they're fucking again
>We carpool with 10 people for a camping trip, my car holds 8
>Innawoods.jpg
>Wait until everyone is nice and drunk, pull the valve stems from his tires
>Load everyone into my car the next morning besides Chad and my whore ex
>We're 10 miles off the nearest main road, no cell service
>See ya fuckers
>Everyone in my car has a good laugh on the three hour drive home.

>>691770971
Need greentext or pics for research and fapping

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>>691764287
do this to niggers 4 chan man
i will pay you

>>691770971
Sounds like something i did
>want girl 1
>she brushes me off but we make out alot
>fuck her best friend
>she gets jelous
>fuck her but best friend has hot sister
>use best friend to get in
>fuck and date hot sister

>>691771154
Kek

>>691770839

You don't seem like you malicious either.

Things happen man. Shit gets real and you let her go.

>You did the right thing, even if it hurt her.

>>691766676
A faggot I knew did the same thing
Kill yourself Neema

>>691771129
>find out chad is fucking my girl
>get mad but cant do anything
>have to ride in the back while she rides his cock in shotgun the way home
>make up this story to feel better

I work in fast food and jerk off into people's food every single day.....not to get back at someone particular, I just can't control myself........usually target women

>>691763563
What the fuck man, what the fuck

>>691771506
Where is it? So I know which one to avoid.

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>>691763586
topkek

>>691771129
You probably shouldn't have started fucking your friend's ex you faggot.

>walking down the street to go to a job interview
>resumes in hand, wearing nice dress shirt and slacks
>get to crosswalk
>some redneck fuck is taking up the whole sidewalk chatting with the crossing guard
>try to walk around him, bump into him because he's right in the middle of the sidewalk
>he calls me a faggot
>starts following me
>all of my pent up highschool rage pours out and i turn around a deck him right in the face
>he comes at me and grabs my face digging his nails into my eyes
>flip him over my shoulder
>he falls on the curb
>start stomping on his face
>stop and ask him if he's had enough
>he keeps cursing at me
>keep stomping
>he's all bloody and his nose is broken
>spit on him, pick up my resumes and keep walk to job interview with black eye

didn't get the job

>>691771506
I am a mod and I usually ban users who post something that hit too close home

>>691771726

McDonald's off Whyte Avenue in Edmonton.

>>691769439
As in a friend of op had his fingers broken by his sister when he attempted to wake her up. Dw i had to read it a couple of times too

>>691771438
Chad drove a slammed white Miata. Chad only fucks other Chads in the Yata.

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>>691764470
Fucking boss

I was 18.
>Stole thousands of dollars in cash and product from dealer "friend"
>Fucked his wife regularly.
>He threatens to kill me.
>Get him locked up. Narc'd on him.

Jump forward 8 years.
>26 now.
>Good life.
>See his wife homeless begging for money.
>I hand her a 20 dollar bill.
>She doesn't recognize me.

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>>691763586

>>691771844
Sure m8 whatever you need to tell yourself

>>691771742
ISIS are such pranksters

>>691771844
Who is this Chad person that you guys are discussing?

Beat some dude up in front of his gf who tried to safe him but couldnt and after he layed on the ground he reached his arm to me and said 'help me please' i kicked him in the guts and went away

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>>691765475
>>691765654

I go on Twitter and call Roseanne Barr a fat slut.

>>691771949
Chad thundercock you underaged faggot.

>>691762939
>Be me
>Suck cocks everyday just cause hey why not it's fun
>One day after a really bad day at work my dad asks me to again because usually do every day
>Unzip his pants slowly and pull out his member
>Zip up really fast and cut his dick, it's stuck and blood is everywhere
>I bite the tip and run away
>It was the day i did not deliver
>It was the day my dad called me fucking OP
>I still remember that day

I once called a nigger "african american"....still ashamed of myself

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Another one
>When i was a kid i had these friends (brothers), who in retrospect probably had some sort of brain damage, because they would always have these crazy ideas that got us into trouble
>Their family was super wealthy though, and they had a room full of toys and shit
>Their grand uncle also lived with them in their big ass house
>He had terminal cancer or some shit, and that day he had a lawyer come over to do his last will and testament
>Brothers decided it's a good idea to lighten the mood/crash that party
>We get naked, then dress up. Oldest brother in a bear costume, me and the younger one in skirts and blouses
>I also brought an ukulele he had lying
>We were going to have a concert
>Go down, i start playing ukulele and they start singing
>Lawyer and old man has no idea what the fuck is happening
>Suddenly, the brother decide it's a good idea to whip out their dicks and play air guitar on them so we all had instruments
>Younger brother then runs up to the lawyer, lifts his skirt and farts straight at him/his cake
>his face

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>>691771204
That fucking pic

Avoiding place henceforth.

>>691772073
Kek

>>691764287
Did you fed ex the body parts to gov buildings are you Luka magnotta?

>>691762939

>back at middle school
>there was a partially-disabled dude in our class
>his right hand and leg were not functioning properly
>the whole class bullied the fuck out of him , he partially made them by provking them and saying some stupid shit.
>He fought the whole class , everybody beat him quite easily.
>except for me
>I was okay with him , although I scammed him at Maplestory and took a lot of mesos from him
>One day I decided "fuck it , I will fight this bitch too"
>I provoked him and ended up choking the shit out of him
>I moved out of the town , never seen him again.

I don't know why I wanted to fight him in the first place, feel a bit bad about it.
I also made my friends ignore someone I didn't like straight out because I wanted to (he didn't have a lot of friends anyways), for half a year or something , he even begged me to forgive him even though I just wanted to see him suffer .

>>691771742
Idiot why didnt he drove away??

>>691772036
Who is that? Also, I am over 18 and straight....so buzz off

>>691772244
Learn a book nigga

>>691765116
And the whole class clapped

>>691772192

Get some grammer, bro.

>>691764287
Luke Magnotta? Is that you?

>>691763903

4 yr old knows how to money and how to internet. K.

>>691772282
"Learn a book"??? Please speak english you idiot

>>691772376
Lrn24chan

>>691772453
Oh lord, please refrain from using SMS lingo, can we all be adults here?

I had this super nice teacher. I spray painted a swastika on his car for no reason. He didn't realize until the cops pulled him over.

The next day he held a swastika drawing contest to try to figure out who dI'd it. I hid the can in some dinktouchers desk and framed him.

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People say I'm evil for killing six million jewish filth.

I still think I did nothing wrong...

>>691772629
Sleep tight Hitler

>>691772598
Lurk moar faggot

>>691772629
I'm so sorry, man. You can count on us for support.

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Haven't done my taxes ever and i'm 22

>>691767489

"Oooh honey let's go there! Italian food and unlimited bredstickz!"

>>691772797
Thank you, my friend. The fine people of this site shall be spared in my second coming.

>>691762939
Peeled a girls nails off one at a time

>ex-gfs 21st (together at the time)
>she gets super drunk
>too drunk to get into clubs
>on the drive home with friends
>she tries to open car door to jump out
>I'm sitting behind her so grab her and pin her against seat
>all her friends screaming at me as if it's a crime to stop someone from killing themselves
>hold her until she passes out
>get back to hers
>apologies to friends for my "malicious" behaviour
>so fkn mad at her
>she goes to bed and passes out
>never let me do butt stuff
>I take pictures of her passed out, naked
>video me eating her ass and raping it too
>she woke up as I came but too drunk to do anything or remember

Dont regret. I want to do it again

>>691769996
Keep em coming

>>691772868
You have to have a job to do taxes, anon

>>691762939
>girl likes me
>guy i know starts kissing my ass outta nowhere
>guy is girls exbf
>guy asks me to make her gf
>guy asks me to get her to really like me
>do so
>guy asks me to dump her
>do so
was a borderline sociopath in 9th grade