Spy Kids 2 was the first thing I masturbated to

>>691257973
The part where Carmen comes out of the water?

I have 25 minutes of Daisys Destruction

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>>691257119
Did we just become best friends?

I spent all day yesterday jerking off onto my fan then turned it on in front of my face

>>691257119

...Kenny?

>>691258075
When they where in the cave where they could only communicate with their mind

i was samefag all along

When i was 15 i molested this little girl.

when I was 16-ish, I'd go to /soc/ and post myself in every thread I could

>>691257973
Mine was Rugrats... No pedo shit though, it was just in the background

My cousin sucked my cock when I was 13

I anally destroyed a green haired psycho bitch who was stalking her ex. Shit was cash but shes a literal stick I don't think she has ever eaten more than a leaf before. The week after I got a gay furry weeb who was obsessed with me to suck me off, and fucking dropped him outta my life like that. Then I took the virginity of this ugly blonde christian bitch who had just turned 18 and never "got wild" before so she wanted to try new things. I fucked up her life bad she does heroin now and can't stop sucking cock. I think the gay furry killed himself and the psycho bitch probably od'd by now

What does shitting your pants until you early tee shirt mean for a perosn anyways OP?

i'm female

>>691258661
How does it feel to anal fuck a stick girl? Its one of my fantsies

I groped the ass of my highschool crush by running up to her and clenching her asscheeks. I have never been so close to either a beautiful eligible woman or almost becoming a sex offender

>>691258739
I liked it for a while
but when I was 9 I wanted to stop
I still did it from time to time but not as much

>>691257119
wait, all of the time? did you have IBS or something?

>>691258745

Tits or gtfo, you know the rules.

>>691258745
tits or gtfo

>>691259027
Actually yeah
I also held it in all the time
It kind of made my ass feel good lmao

>>691258999
But did it make you bc a different person or anything? Also sorry for the typos holy shit

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>>691258745

>>691259288
Not really
I smelled bad a lot
and I had to leave stores sometimes

>>691258661
After those three, I had some more pretty fucked up sexcapades. I went on a camping trip with like 5 other dudes and we all got high as fuck in the woods and was seeing demon cows and shit, ( was next to a farm but it was dark and scary) and got dared to try and fuck one of them. I did try. I once found a finch egg on the side of the dirt road near my house and took it home and after like a month of it just rotting I shoved it in my ass and it cracked. I also fucked and tortured my dog from age 13 to last year, but I fucking hate furries. I also have a list of literally everything I have ever jizzed on and I am telling you it is like 3 70 pg college rule notebooks. I got this one girl to suck my dick on the stage in the auditorium at school. OH MY GOD I HAVE A GREENTEXT FOR YOU GUYS BRB
>>691258878
and yeah its nice but I prefer blowjobs I love their faces and mm just lips. easy to grip but very tight despite her extreme sexual history

There's a chick at my gym and she's too hot for me, but I check her out all the time.

>>691259437
Here is that greentext
>Be me, 2012
>Be 17, obsessed with skyrim, and things related such as GoT
>Bored af at school, recently single, looking for new grill
>Only really want fuckpuppet, but a grill is a grill
>Target acquired, ready my propane
>Grill's name is Winter, but oh fuck is she autistic
>Lookin like a rattata stretched over a broom with scoliosis
>The kinda grill who has 7 facebooks, with anime girls as the prof pic and weird ass names
>Easy af to get her to fall for me, "date" for bout a week, already she wants the D
>Deep emotional issues, previous "boyfriends" never took her "needs" seriously
>Oh shit add one more name to the list, bitch
>Bring my bag "from soccer practice", you'll see why
>We get down to it, weird as all hell, her body is all contorted
>She says she is cumming, just what I wanted to hear
>Pull out, jump off bed, grab viking helmet and short sword from my bag, I scream WINTER IS COMING as loud as fucking possible
>She is confused as fuck, I stare deep into her soul, direct eye contact
>"You destroyed Winterfell, Joffrey. My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to cry"
>MFW I ran out the house naked past her parents with a fucking sword and helmet
>MFW I block all her profiles, and see her glaring at me at school
>MFW dancing with new girl at prom, her in corner staring
>Graduation, was single again. Decided one last word in, message her
>"Damn bitch you was harder to penetrate than the wall. -Hodor"

>>691257119
Like all the time or occasionally shitting your pants?

When I was 11 or something like that I blew and fucked a my best friend. We would jerk eachother off in breaks, and when we played together after school we fucked a couple of times. By fucking I mean trying to get my dick in his ass, we didn't really succeed in going further than just the head (no lube sadly)

>>691259601
HOLY FUCKING SHIT YES

>>691259705
All the time

>>691259601
Anyone want moar? I got plenty of weird shit that isn't even sex related if you wanna hear it

>>691259601

Obviously I can never believe you, but from now on that story is the truth and also gospel.

>>691259922
pretty please

>>691258441
Aw shit I did the same thing but I was like 13 and this little girl was like 3 and I kept hitting her on the top of her head couse she was ugly and always crying

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>>691257119
similar
but I didn't enjoy it. I was too embarrassed to shit in school, guy's would tease you if you were taking a shit in school. Call in other kids, bang on the stall, wait in the bathroom talking shit till the bell rang to make you late for next class, had one guy try to crawl in under once. Even missed a class once because guys stayed in there to wait to see me come out of the stall. IDK why but if you took a shit in my school you were fucking weird. I was traumatized, never wanted to shit in the restroom again. held it mostly but there were some days that I couldn't. This happened in different schools, different states, different grades, till 8th grade.

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i have a child with my sister.

>omg anon she looks just like you.
>MFW

>>691259601
I saw her name was winter and felt good for seeing you joke coming but the when I got the part about prom I felt bad again thanks anaon

>>691260072

That kid gon b retired.

>>691257119
My mom wiped my ass after I shit until I was 10

>>691260174

nope. normal as any other kid her age.

just looks a lot like family.

>be me
>house is crowded, no time alone to fap
>went to forest so I can fap in peace
>came next to some tree
>wipped my hand with some leaf I found
>turns out it was poison ivy
>when asked why was my right hand covered in blisters I lied and said I saw a mushroom (which somehow fell on my eay back) in a bush of a poison ivy and picked it up
>mfw I could fap for a week because of the hand

I'm a booger eater.

i always wanted to eat sand.

>>691260044
I've only been in a US highschool for 6 months (germanfag doing an exchange) but have never been able to shit in school. Those stalls with these flimsy doors give you absolutely no privacy. I never liked to shit somewhere else than on my own toilet but if I have to I'll go in a public toilet. But only if i can get at least some privacy. Don't like making eye contact while pressing

When I was 5 or so I used to make out with this guy of my same age for like a year...I have a dick

>>691260133
Her actual name is winter that's why I used that GoT shit
>>691259996
Here is a short list of a few stories I can think of. It'll take a bit to type out so please pick one for now and I will type it out. I've wanted to share this shit forever but no one has cared.

>The Haunted Office
>The Runaway
>The Christmas Tree
>The Rape Ninjas
>The Little Room
>Scooby Doo's Dildo Break In
>Fast and the Furious 23: Firework surprise

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>>691258101

>>691260243
jack shit, she is potatoe

>>691260246
I took my bike to the woods a lot when I was younger. best faps I had

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>>691259601
mfw no picture when anon mfw

>>691260350
The haunted office

I'm tearing off my skin from my sun burnt arms and back and eating it to keep my power level equal

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>>691260243
Normal enough to rule the seven kingdoms?

(pic related it's you)

>>691260350
Rape niggers! I mean nigger ninjas! Uh... rape ninjas? That one!

>>691260350
Scobby Doo!

>>691260307
kids are fucking horrible here, and you're right the stalls are build so shitty privacy is non existent.

>>691260531

yeah i get the reference. we both watch that show and are aware of the similarity. no kissing or romance though for us though. that would have made it weird.

>>691257119 (OP) #
My mom wiped my ass after I shit until I was 10. No joke

Back when I was still living with my parents I shared a bathroom with my sister. She would always throw her dirty pads in the trashcan. I fished them out and started a secret collection in a suitcase. When I couldn't fit anymore in the suitcase I stopped doing it. When I had to move out for college I knew I couldn't take the suitcase with me so I drove down the road a ways into a ditch and buried it below a bridge. at night. It's probably still there if I ever want to go back home and dig it up

In the daytime I'm a feminist (but I want real equality both for men and women and I'm not telling everyone all men should die or that they are worse) proud of all the things I achieved in fields dominated by men, but sometimes when I get sad I browse chubby/bbw threads to feel better about myself (I tell everyone I have no complexes, but it kinda makes me feel better to see that even fatter girls than me can get attention).

>>691260789
nice

>>691260307
Use the designated shitting streets like everyone else.

I had my first major episode when I was 19. I went to see a counselor at my school and was sent to a psychiatrist immediately after attempting to get the counselor to sleep with me. I told the psych that I was fantasizing about raping and killing women. She asked to see my binder, said she would have me 5150d if I didnt hand it over. In it was a drawing of a local bank, where to place the bombs, and receipts of the materials purchased.

She told me to withdraw from school and take antipsychotics that day,if I didn't shed turn me in. It was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.

>>691260419
I apologize I just realized that I will use a pic for my story
>>691260443
All right you chose a mild one but here goes

>Be 16 yr old faggot
>Only one with car
>Take friends driving around
>Find abandoned old office building, three stories high
>Shit is creepy af but has some cool shit in it
>Normal teenage shit, smashing things, breaking windows
>Grillfriend at the time looked into it, said place was haunted
>Storm is brewing
>Take Aspie "friend" to office, we called it "the building"
>Aspie is fucking sperglord sonic obsessed furry with cerebral palsy
>lol cp
>Kid runs around on third floor
>Finds massive coat rack, like battering ram
>tries to break a window with it
>Tell him to stop because ghosts n demons n shit
>This nigga believes me
>He did tell everyone he was in the mafia when we were 11, probably thinks he is a werewolf, has obsession with wolves
>Bitchboy (his new name) gets all brave and shit
>Starts yelling for ghosts
>have friend put sheet on his head when bitchboy isnt looking.
>Pushes him down flight of stairs
>was unconscious
>took him home, when he woke told him we took shrooms and tripped balls
>He believes this shit
>He had seizures a lot after we took him back
>He died a couple years back from a severe seizure
>kek

>>691261027
kek indeed

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>>691260738
>came in sister
>sister kept baby
>apparently baby wasn't albino or webbed in the fingers or toes
>good thing we never kissed
>that would make it weird

My sides

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>>691260972
>mfw i did it

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>>691260350
Scooby Doo's dildo break in plox

>>691261027
Please keep these coming I'm screencapping all of them

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>>691261027
>>691259437
>>691258661

>torture and rape dog for multiple years
>destroy handicapped person's life
>turned a religious grill into a heroin addict

I'm 99% sure you're spewing bullshit (and I really, sincerely hope you are) but idgaf because shit is cash, continue

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>>691261384
Tfw none of his shit is pre-typed

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>>691261620
Here's a webm while we wait

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>>691261027
Lol and I completely forgot the picture Im a fuckin tard
I saw scooby doo so here we go

>Be about 17
>Got bored as fuck
>I knew a rich nigger and wanted to play halo on his xbox so I walked over there
>It was 3 in the morning
>I was high, so I thought it would be funny to bring a dildo
>I would trade him for halo gameplay
>Had scooby doo mask, like one of those horse ones but it was creepy as fuck
>Dressed in full camo but was retarded enough to wear the orange vest
>Walk around to the back
>See a couple doors to his bedroom
>I knock on his door lightly, but I forgot its locked shut, never uses it
>Get pissed off at door
>call it a pussy
>Naruto run at that bitch and break the small window
>stick my arm in, try to open it
>No worky
>walk over to window and headbutt the fucker into oblivion
>Head is bleeding but I don't care
>I'm in your area, causing mass hysteria
>Climb in, wave dildo around like a sword
>This asshole is standing there dumbfounded
>"ruh roh raggy"
>I get nervous, scream This wrong number I so sorry in asian accent
>He moves toward me, scares the shit outta me
>Throw dildo at him, he falls
>Grab halo, climb out window, full sprint back home
>Mom asks why I am bleeding and have an xbox game
>Tell her the mystery was solved
>go to room and pass the fuck out
pic related its my reaction when I woke up

i used to wet my bed when i was younger then grind my dick against the wet sheets. it was the first time i masturbated and first time i realized i had a piss fetish.

>>691258101
Upload it faggot

I've done drugs to go through school almost likely every weekend to make homework.

>>691261818
Ah, Lucie Wilde. I love how each tit is bigger than her head and she takes dick like a day-old mackerel.

>>691257119
I shat my pants just outside the bathroom at a birthday party when I was 8-9. Threw my pants in the bin, wiped my ass and ran the fuck away, then called my dad to pick me up

When I was like 16 I really let myself go and I got a big ass on me because I was getting fat. I was sitting around all day and eventually a boil or pimple or some shit popped up. I kept picking at it and a lil bit of puss would come out and it would shrivel, but it kept coming back. One time I really dug in there and pulled out a strand. A few days later I had some sort of puss clump further down my ass, and whenever I sat down it would hurt like hell. It was agony and I probably should of seen the doctor or told someone but I was too embarassed. One day I got so fed up with it I tried to pop this thing, which was really inside my buttcrack so it did not make it easy. I squeezed and squeezed and suddenly it burst out and blood and puss went all over my bed and floor. And afterwards it just kept leaking. I used 8 rolls of toilet paper that day to get the blood and when I tried to flush them the toilet clogged and overflow so water was rushing out. My underwear was getting covered in blood because when I put my pants back up the wound would still bleed and so I used the underwear to soak up some of the water while i tried to fix the toilet. Now I was naked waste down, the bathroom floor was wet, and pussblood was still coming out of my ass crack. I didn't have an extra pair of underpants so I was gonna just go commando so I pulled my jeans up and was gonna dispose of the underwear but then my mom suddenly was home from work early and I didn't want her to see my bloody puss-y soaking wet from toilet water undies and I had like no where to hide them so I rolled them up in a ball and I tried to hide them in my mouth. Needless to say they didn't fit all the way so my mom opened the door on me with pussy soaking undies in my mouth and I didn't know what to do so I just suckerpunched her right there and just kept wailing on her. I didn't stop. She had a black eye and some bruises on her. She didn't tell though.

>>691261620
I am sorry it isn't pretyped my greentextes never last long on here I usually post in shit threads
>>691261561
Thanks for screencapping yo maybe I'll be in a best of 4chan someday

>>691262047

nice blog post faggot.

>tl;dr

>>691262095
I r8 8/8. If you keep 'em coming I can deal.

>>691258101
Lier lier pants on fire

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>>691262297
I do plan on keeping them coming. Which one is up next? Anyone got another pick? I mean I can type them all but you guys should pick the order
Maybe trips will get a speshul story

>>691262467
Rape ninjas!

this

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>>691257119
I don't feel sympathy or empathy.

>>691262603
What about shame, guilt, remorse, or other emotions that come from caring about others?

>>691262467
Scooby Doo the title is top kek

I hacked my stepdaughter webcam and fap to her when she s naked or fingering herself ...

>>691261835
>>691263131
He already did that one

>>691263235
Oh damn thx

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>>691262517
Allrighty

>Be 13 yr old me
>Have childhood friend over
>He is school shooter kinda guy now, very pro gun, beats his girlfriend
>Also addicted to clone
>anyways, he steals some of his mother's alcohol
>Mixes a horrible mix of Coors, Vodka, Smirnoff Ice, MTN Dew, and Pickle juice for "flavor"
>Brings old cigarette tobacco from the smoked butts
>Tells me its weed
>I almost smack the shit out of this fucker
>We get fucked up in the tiny 7' by 3' room in the carport outside my house
>Watching old south park episodes
>Decide to step out to fuck around, its 2 am
>We play with knives and bb guns he brought
>Ninja stars and shit
>Kek when the police station is literally across the street
>We throw some ninja stars around and I get this feeling
>This...rapey feeling
>Remember the neighbour is cute redhead
>We decide we should totally rape her because we could totally get away with it if we had ninja weapons
>Go grab my dad's katana, he's a weeb
>"Grab my dad's katana" That was weird to type
>We go open her door
>It's unlocked because these fuckers think its safe in our town next to the police station
>Walk into her bed room
>We search for her everywhere
>They weren't home that weekend, fishing or something
>We were stumbling around their house all night, looking for something to rape, crawling in the shadows acting like ninja
>Friend says fuck it
>Starts jerking it in front of me, no fucks given
>I just watch
>I don't care
>He jizzes on their tv
>Pass out
>Wake up in some dude's house with a katana
>Ask my friend if we raped anyone
>He said he doesn't know
>Weird shit on tv
>Go back home, never talk about it again

This thread is dying so... another secret! I was in love with one of my best friends for 2 years but never said anything. Stopped hanging out with her because she started dating some guy

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>>691263565
This thread is not dying fuck you I have stories to tell its even on the 1st page of /b/

>>691263450
Man, your formative years were eventful. I think I was learning an instrument and doing homework when I was 13.

>>691263701

>sharing secrets
>told to fuck myself

Way to ignore my feels you faggot

>>691260350
Rape ninjas or Scooby Dooby Dildoo

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>>691263450
Keep em coming I'm screencapping this

>>691263936
Nigeria he already told these stories.

i just had one of those moments where you almost accidentally kill youself, where I was being a fidgety twat and almost plugged a micro usb connected to a wall outlet into my laptop just now.

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>>691263712
I was raised by a family of no fucks given in hickstown alabama. We stole our neighbour's cat the other day. My car is in impound in indiana. My parents are surprised I don't have a kid by now. I have like 8 siblings I haven't seen in years. And not only am I in a metal band, my biological father is in one that plays at the local hippy shop. My 10th birthday I got a bong. My life is just one mess of fucking stories. My mom is a drug kingpin of the general area but she's more literate than most people here and my first book was IT by stephen king at the age of 5. Shit is cray here
>>691263794
aww I am sorry buddy, you read that as go fuck yourself. No, see even you wouldn't fuck you. I said fuck you as an offense to you in general. If I wanted you to fuck yourself I would tell you to, with tits and timestamp you fucking faggot

>>691264033
Would that actually zap you?
Would said hypothetical zap be fatal?

OP Here:
TFW when I'm a newfag and on the front page of /b/

I slept in my mom's bed until I was 12 or 13.
I only stopped because of boner.

>>691264212
Fuck you for being newfagg but also if you didn't make this thread than this metalhead anon couldn't share his stories

>>691264099
Fuck man, do you ever wish you had a normal boring life? I have a boring life and I wish I had your kind of lifestyle

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I want to fuck my best friend in the ass

>>691260350

share sir.
pick two?

>>691264588
C-
See me after class
-Mr. Anon

My cousin and I are in love for 8years now, nobody knows that we love each other.

I guess I will go with Fast and Furious

>Be 16
>Around time of Haunted Office
>Be driving around with like 6 other teenagers in my shitty little 4 door kia
>Everyone is hotboxing it and someone is playing guitar
>Was looking in door thingy for cell phone when found the best thing ever
>Shitloads of firecrackers, a couple roman candles, and an m80
>Forgot I put these here a couple weeks back
>Decide it would be fucking hilarious to go really fast and light a firecracker in the car and throw it in back seat
>I was fucking right, shit was cash
>Everybody freaking but me and B in the front seat were having a ball throwing them in the back
>Imagine seeing a car going 80 down the highway swerving around full of teenagers and constant tiny explosions
>Decide to air out car so roll down windows
>Idea.jpeg
>Light roman candle, point at other cars
>Fucking firing like 10 shots
>I AM HARRY FUCKING POTTER
>Fucking whizzing out one by one, hits a couple cars
>Decide to lay low so we go back to Office from first story, play with fireworks
>light off m80 in car on way back home
>Day was great

I am thinking about adding a story to the list but I can't remember it, anyway here is the updated list to pick from

>The Runaway
>The Christmas Tree
>The Little Room

>>691264475
Actually hell yeah, I want a desk job. I plan on being a journalist, and a novellist. I love boring work shit

BRB I gotta shit

>>691257119
That is one long turd

>>691264716
P.S. Bring beer and lube

>I eat 3 bananas every single day

>>691264872
K

>>691264849
All of them. Fuck I guess you have what to write about if you become a novelist.

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When I was a kid like 5 or 6 I took a shit under my moms bed. It was there for a while too, she couldn't find the smell so she had to sleep in my room for a lil bit.

Had regular sex with my classmates when I was around 8

>>691265172
Also do you thing these roles are changing? I mean you had an unsettled youth and now you seek formality. I had a boring youth, will I seek informality? (19 yr old fag here)

>>691264099

I would like to listen anon'. Tell us some stuff, may I request?

> story of largest drug deal you know that went sour
> random story your choice
> random sex story
> random drug related story
> random story your choice

>>691265192
Amaze

>>691265311
Your male classmates, fag? Assuming you are male.

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Aight I am back and here is the updated list, I added some

>The Runaway
>The Christmas Tree
>The Little Room
>How I fucked up all my friendships (More of a list)
>My shitting technique
>The little bird

and dubs gets my >Redneck Love Story

Pick one guise
>>691265349
I mean maybe I am only 24 dude and I am pretty laze and will probably be travelling the world and shit or just sitting on my ass at my parents house
idk

>>691265382
The drug deal idea is actually pretty good imma have to think on that one

someone please screencap metalanon's thread, this shit is golden

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>>691265542
Please do not die on me guys we had it going
I swill save all stories just in case and start a new thread at like 6 pm est today if it dies it will have pic related as post image

>>691265542
christmas tree plx

>>691265542

In return I will tell you my personal largest movement that went sour.

> work for months moving LSD, mushrooms, cannabis, DMT, MDMA to get up to a level where I could expand business and move to supplier level
> gets to 30k AUD from 1k
> my birthday is coming up in two weeks, decide to throw big party
> move lots of stuff, not much sleep over those two weeks combined with work

> day of party
> get everyone together
> decide to move most of product from stash house as hosting party there
> leave the bag with some people I trusted for months with 35 out of the 40k I had
> have an epic night, shout 2k worth of substance for everyone there, have sex with one of my customers for the first time for 4 hours while fucked on MDMA, cocaine and weed.

> wake up next day
> go to trusted friends house
> bag is missing
> they tell me if I do anything, there family's methhead gang will hunt me down

> there methhead family had forced them to keep an eye on me until the moment showed itself
> they were themselves under threat from own family

> I know there families fucked reputation.
> drop subject, go back home
> still coming down off all the drugs from my party
> went from 40k to 3k in one night.

Surprisingly, I took it pretty well.
No longer involved in any of that though.

>>691266113
Bumping

>>691261315
that happens with continuous incest or if one parent has something wrong with them and carries bad genes

>>691266264
Damn. Why didn't you try to hide it under the floor or smth?

>>691266264
Wow that's fucking crazy man. It's never gone that badly for me. Sorry. But I aprreciate the story!

I heard christmas tree I am gonna type it out but gimme a sec to pack my bowl I am coming down

>>691264838
>My cousin and I are in love for 8years now, nobody knows that we are love each other.

sorry bad english

I'm a pedophile

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>>691266654

>>691266328
I bet you're a gas at parties, or should I say family reunions?

>>691258101
Me too lel

>>691266948
i don't have any family left. never saw my dad and my mum killed herself with drugs when i was 19.
never met extended family.
my friends don't invite me to their parties they know i need to study.

Bunperino

>>691261818
Sauce brother?

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>>691266455

High as fuck, trying to juggle organising party, work, a number of drugdeals... and placing trust in others when I knew I shouldnt have.

Pretty shit feel!
To top it off:

> cut certain people out of my life so I dont have to deal with those methheads.
> work full time and move product full time 24/7 for a month after to get back up to scratch and get back to my dream of being hallucinogen kingpin of my area
> one month passes, back to 8k from 3k
> finish work one day, go to new house, do some moves, deliver some packages
> get high as fuck at one customers place
(note: have regular sex with that customer check after that birthday night, shit was cash)
> anyways, high as fuck at one customers place, still had probably 2k cash, 2k mushrooms, 1k cannabis in the vehicle
> really high now, fall asleep
> wake up at 1AM
> FUCK, I have work at 7AM
> still high as fuck, ignore my usual rule of not moving at suspicious hours or suspicious ways
> almost home
> WHOOP WHOOP
> its dah poh-lice
> im too high for this shit
> took it all off me

Quit all drugs and activities after that night. Just went through a year of court cases for it, finished it last week

> no longer have sex with cute girls and that hot customer
> mfw life is completely different now

>>691258101
Did they ever release the part where they kill her?

>>691257119
Me too

>>691267126
Jesus Christ you're a downer. Get of my internet.

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>>691266587
Christmas tree here we go

>Be junior year of high school
>Moved to new one this year, big school, two stories
>My last high school was literally two hallways, and shared lunchrooms with the middle school
>In environmental science, class is actually pretty good, but lots of niggers
>Around christmas
>Nobody gives a fuck anyway, how can it matter if we just chill outside
>Still two weeks left till schools out
>No fucks given, half of class is playing trap music, other half is walking around in woods out behind school
>one guy sees a christmasy looking tree
>Decides to take it
>6 of us literally pull a small tree out of the ground
>We carry it back, into the school, up to the second floor, and into the class room
>Teacher gives no fucks
>We prop it up in room, decorate, some people come to see
>Two weeks later
>Someone needs to rid us of the tree
>I volunteer
>Spend two hours out of classes in parking lot stuffing tree into my little four door kia rio
>School cops even come and ask whats up, tell them I am stealing a school tree, they laugh, give no fucks
>take this fucker home
>Get high
>Idea sprouts
>grab bluetooth soundbar
>Attach it to tree, no one can see
>take tree to local mall, "donate" it, they set it up near the J.C. penny, they have em all over
>It's time
>Play All star by smash mouth on repeat as loud as possible for half an hour
>Turn it off when guards come
>Start playing vaporwave for the populace
>Shit was cash
>Didnt wanna leave soundbar there
>Grabbed tree, left
>MFW I forgot to unattach the soundbar and left tree outside to be rained on overnight

>>691267215

Meant to say got up at 1am
> got in vehicle and started driving home without thinking that it might not be only just after sunset....
> check phone while driving FUCK ITS 1AM,
> next corner is the whoop whoop

>>691267399
sorry, i just have nothing to do all my friends are out, im guessing they thought i needed to study. i come on 4chan to have fun.

>>691266587

I need to sleep for work tomorrow, please tell story you epic you ! :)
So I can laugh, remember that this existence called life at least has humour and sleep until my next psychedelic day.

>>691258101
Daisy's Destruction is only 20 minutes

>>691267574
It's right there >>691267488 yo

>>691267488

Hahaha nice. :) now I can go to sleep with a smile on my way before I wake up to the next day

Love all you storytellers. Remember that life is worth living just to get from laugh to laugh...

>>691262603

So edgy.

>>691267754
Dude I am gonna repost this around 6 pm est today if you wanna read it again, or in case you fall asleep. I do not want you to miss work, man!

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>>691267542
Hey now, im just fucking around. If you're here to have fun quit talking about depressing things.

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>>691260072

>>691267858
depressing? i am really happy. whats depressing?

>>691260174
Can't retire until 65.
Gonna be retarded forever, though.

>>691267215
Fuck me dude. How are you making money if you quit that? And how come you avoided jail?

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>>691261835
>"ruh roh raggy"
Crying

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Hey, it's I guess now MetalAnon here. My stories are great but I am really tired, was up all night writing on my new book and playing smash bros all night. Im gonna finish my last couple bowls and probably pass out, but at 6pm EST today, imma repost this thread, repost the stories, and finish the list. Dubs would rebeal that extra story, remember that, and ready your doubles getters. I hope to see you fags at 6pm! I will even pretype the rest! go up a bit of posts to find the photo for the 6 pm post. I apologize if this is annoying but I am stoned out of my mind. I believe the pic was of an old dude in a purple shirt with a bong and he is smiling. Yeah. Night, guys

pic related its me

>>691268674
All right looking forward to seeing ya again

>>691260044
What is Daisys destruction?

>>691268871
Oh dear god no another one is tainted

>>691268674
cant wait

>>691260209
Why tho

>>691264099
Fellow bama hick.
South East?

>>691268871
Google it mate, it's some fucking weirdo spraying his garden with weed killer. Then he decides to spray his mouth, has a fit, and collapses. Funny first time you watch it, but after it's a bit lacklustre.

>>691270124
Sorry West East yo

>>691265420

Yes

Also, got molested by girls a few times

>>691263450
>13 pro gun beats his girlfriend

If you're gonna make up some fucking bullshit stories at least make them funny. The summer is real in this thread

>>691257119
I licked my dogs penis one time, does that count?

When I was about 17, my best friend and I shoved a bottle-rocket up my neighbors cats ass. No lube or anything. Just that dry paper. Cat was not happy. Never heard a sound like that before or after.
Lit the bottle rocket when we knew it was in there far enough so it couldn't just poop it back out... especially since the dry paper was gripping so well up in there. Let go of cat once it was lit. Cat ran VERY fucking fast. About 25 feet away we heard a muffled "pop", immediately followed by an ear-shattering meow-scream.
Hated that cat.
Felt bad about it later.

>>691273311

Also... same best friend and I worked at a pet store about a year later. There were 2 pigeons for sale for like a year that no one wanted to buy. Who wants a fucking pigeon? Owner even put a "free" sign on the cage... still, no one wanted them.
Eventually owner of pet store got tired of wasted a cage on them, so he tells me and best friend to get rid of them. Owner gave no fucks how. Figured we'd kill them or some shit.
We instead decided to let the birds go. But figured since they'd been in a cage for so long, they probably needed help with flying.
Taped bottle rockets to their wings.
One pigeon flew about 15 feet before the rockets engaged and shot it straight back to the pavement head first.
The other pigeon wasn't so lucky.
One rocket launched before the other one, so it caused the pigeon to start spinning midflight like a helicopter without it's tail rotor. Then as that rocket dudded itself out, the one on the other wing engaged and spun the bird back around the other direction before exploding.
We ended up having to snap its neck to end its suffering.
Felt horrible.

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I drew this in my brothers book for school. (He hates Trump)

>>691257119
I spend time on 4chan

>>691274479
Savage af