>>691009908
Why

just stop all the bull shit

ive been horrifically depressed for the last month or so. ive basically been doping myself up with ridiculous amounts of valerian root, 5-htp, and whenever i can get hold of it, diazepam.

life becomes literally unbearable if i dont have this shit in my system for longer than a couple of minutes. if i went an hour without it i would end up jumping out of a window or something.

smoke a bowl and grow a pair lifes shit get over it

>>691010204
Why

Watch The Sunset Limited.

Lived with it for about 15 years now, diagnosed with clinical back at university.

I go to work, come home, spend time with the wife and kid, have a drink and repeat.

Try not being an attention seeking cunt, if you go outside and do some work you wont be thinking about it all the time and acting like a useless miserable neet. Most of you aren't even depressed, you just feel like it because you sit in the basement on the computer all day long eating fucking cheetos and mountain dew.

>>691010517
Lmao

>>691009908
Dude adderall has no antidepressant qualities
it's an addictive amphetamine though, which is why you feel like shit
it'll pass
you want to get yourself a proper antidepressant though, an SSRI first and mitrazipine if that doesn't do it for you
most of them are generic medications nowadays, going for pennies a dose

>>691010326
because my brain is my worst enemy

>>691010635
all stimulants have antidepressant qualities. even coffee.

>>691010517
I don't seek attention. I faked having add so I could get Adderall since I knew my psych wouldn't prescribe it for depression.
Work just exacerbates the issue. I think it's just the continuous cycle and I feel like I'm not living my life.

>>691010887
they've all got comedowns and are addictive and tolerance forming
a stimulant can be a helpful secondary medicine, but real antidepressants work for most people (for severe cases)
also the coffee thing is just bullshit, coffee doesn't release dopamine, which is what makes amphetamines feel good

>>691010635
What does Adderall release in the brain?
Oh, it's fucking dopamine.

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>>691009908
I think about huge the universe is and how fucking irrelevant everything is, then I stop caring about anything. I've become a detached shell, rarely getting depressed any more but at the same time nothing excites me any more and I don't enjoy anything.

It's the one way I can comfort myself and I believe 99% of people's emotional issues/ depression is just melodramatic bullshit, when it comes down to it. I do however need to find purpose in my life, have been looking for a job recently and hopefully that'll lead to something outside this NEETdom I've been stuck in for the last few years. I'm nearly 30, so I still have some time to change things for the better for my future. I've made a sort of pact in my mind (with myself) that if I reach my mid 30's and still have no job/ no gf, I'll end things. It's fine to be a loser when you're sort of younger, but it becomes increasingly pitiful as you approach being middle aged. No thank you, fuck that.

>>691011205
No it doesn't, you thinking that work is pointless and nothing is worth doing is what exacerbates the issue.

Buddy, I've been trapped there, I've been stuck in my own head for so long I can't remember what it's like not to feel numb. But you just fucking deal with it and live your life. Some days are good ones and you laugh and smile, some days are shit and you want to drink yourself into oblivion and run infront of a car. But self medicating is moronic and automatically telling yourself that something wont work is idiotic.

YOU have to make the change and lie to yourself. You have to say every single day when you wake up that going to work or the gym or w.e is fun and you enjoy it. If you keep saying it, it will happen. If you wake up and dread doing anything, thinking how pointless and useless you and everything around you is, you'll just sink deeper and deeper.

Change your thought process and lie to yourself, and stop thinking about things you can't do or things you missed out on. It's not a continuous cycle unless you make it one by being a bitch

>>691011509
Clearly a doc.

>>691011848
i'm the dude recommending (actual) antidepressants
everything this guy's saying is right
Depression makes sense when you think about it as something with its own motivations inside of you - it wants to exist and all the things it makes you feel are lies to protect itself
I'm not saying that that's what depression is, just that it's a helpful way to look at it

>>691011650
Well, we've both tried the same thing. I try and realize that none of it matters, but I keep wanting it to matter.
For some reason I can't tell myself to quit holding on, hoping for things to get better. It's been years and it hasn't.
It just sucks not being able to enjoy the shit I used to do. I can't even do little things like play vidya anymore.

>>691012414
I've tried Wellbutrin and Effexor. The happiness just seems too manufactured and I hate it. I shouldn't be happy for no reason.
On Adderall I just feel like me without depression and my emotions don't feel fake.

>>691009908
>highexistance dot com
>Don't be such a little bitch and let your head control you
>Read, drink more water, become a better person.
>Try magic mushrooms. They work wonders.

>>691011848
Trust me, I've worked through depression before. I forced myself to smile and tried trusting people and it worked. At that time I felt like I had been depressed for no reason.
But, life is different now and I can't force myself through this one. I've tried

>>691013023
this is self-sabotage,
the "manufactured" happiness is what lets you break the cycle, you can always use lower doses too if the effect is too strong
>>691013189
i can vouch for LSD (essentially the same thing), it gave me a total break from depression for 2 weeks, beware taking these drugs with antidepressants can be lethal (both act on serotonin)
psychedelics are risky though, prepare and have company

>>691013189
I've done psychedelics in the past. I think doing them now would be dangerous.

>>691013023
You don't have to be happy for no reason, but you don't have to be down and sad for no reason either.

I think the big problem a lot of you guys have is you romanticize things, and care about stuff so much it becomes an obsession. Your comment is a great example of it, you critically analyze your own emotions, come to the conclusion they're not actually yours (they are dipshit), and then resent and hate them.

How fucking stupid is that man, come on. It feels fake at work to smile and talk to coworkers but if I pretend to be interested in them enough, eventually I care about their wellbeing and even enjoy conversations. Pretending forces change, and if you constantly are overanalyzing this shit then you'll never get anywhere.

Also neat to think about mindfulness here. I'm in no way religious but the idea of mindfulness when it comes to feelings has helped me when I feel like complete shit or when I feel myself getting overly angry at something. Your feelings are a reaction to something, think about what caused them and why it caused you to react in such a way. Is there anything you can do to immediately alter that reaction, what would be the cause of that? Is this feeling going to matter in a minute?day?month?year? Is this situation really worth even thinking about beyond the current point in time.

I don't know, just stop saying shit like my feelings are fake. If you have them then they are real. You can fake a smile and a laugh, but if something makes you happy, its not fake and you're literally ruining it by calling it so

>>691013478
though really you're feeling particularly hopeless right now because you're withdrawing from adderall, hang in there

>>691013478
Why is life different? What has changed?

Lets chat bro

>>691013879
mindfulness is closely related to cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), which is the current best psychological treatment for depression (unlike a lot of previous therapies, it has empirical evidence behind it)
be mindful, and be critical of your assumptions, especially about who you are and what you're capable of, depression warps these hugely

>>691013553
It's not sabotage, I just know who I am and I'm not the person that those drugs make.
Adderall keeps me interested and involved in life. I like it better that way.

>>691013723
I wouldn't suggest doing them alone. Have someone trustworthy around.

>>691014305
thingsaddictstotallyneversay.txt

>>691014250
Awesome, I don't know shit about psychology or any treatments for depression. When I was diagnosed back in uni I was on some various pills which I didn't really like so I just stopped taking them and trying other stuff like mindfulness and pretending. Been working in that I haven't offed myself and have a wife and kid so I have that going for me.

Still unable to force any sort of motivation to move up in the world but I'm working on it. For now I get satisfaction talking to people on here and seeing my kid learn and try new things

>>691009908

You aren't depressed you're a fucking drug addict. Lucky you picked one that isn't so hard to quit seeing as amphetamines don't really have any extreme physical withdrawals. It was 4-6 months before I stopped being depressed after I quit opiates.

>>691014560
taking satisfaction in raising your kid right is the highest calling if you're a parent
godspeed anon

>>691013999
I'm not even sure what to say because theres a lot.

>>691015385
So start small.

When you woke up this morning, what was the first thing you thought?

I look in the mirror to see that I'm not a nigger. I regain my will to live. Whether you're fat, ugly or short, you're not a nigger. Enjoy life my friend.

>>691010166
This.

Just sweet talk your brain into producing more seratonin, even though that's like trying to wring water out of a dry towel.

That'll work, a sure fire plan.

>>691015787
/thread

>>691009908
I started exercising daily made a huge difference. Started running a lot met girls at the gym started dating. Haven't really had issues anymore.

>>691009908
Withdrawal from adderall can cause depression, which can last for months as your brains remembers how to stimulate itself

>>691011848
>>691011848
It's not that simple. It's like working with a bad back. You're working to distract yourself from the pain, but it hangs around you and doesn't leave you alone.

I don't think you understand how depression works. When it hits you at random points in the day, there's nothing to blame it on but coincidence. There's not a "reason" you're feeling the way you are, you just are.

And yes, it fucking feels physical. Depression isn't moping around feeling sad all the time, it's a painful experience.

>>691016603
Also suicidal thoughts in like 60% of cases

>>691015564
I really can't remember. Everyday is about the same, so things really blend together.
So, lets see. I think it started after highschool. I got accepted into a big school in my state and my parents were totally not into helping me with it.
My dad owned his own business and was pretty wealthy, so I didn't qualify for student loans.
So, I decided to get back at him and went to work for one of his competitors that kind of ended up mentoring me and was helping me into the business. I was supposed to bid on my own contract in the next 2 years, but the business that held those contracts ended up selling that part of their business.
I did some freelancing in the meantime and then I got a dui for being in my car while drunk. I wasn't actually driving, but they were able to say that I was in control of the vehicle.
So, I lost my license and any work I had. After that I didn't know how badly businesses looked upon shit like that and I figured I was fucked out of ever getting a good job.

>>691017011
Theres some details missing, but I'm getting pretty tired.

>>691017011
So... get a job where you can telecommute? I dont understand how some people give up so easily

>>691016873
Having been fighting against this shit for 15 years now, yeah I know how it feels. I know the ups and downs. I know how it hits you. I know how sometimes (many times for some people) you just want to end it all.

All I am saying is people focus on the bad shit, and make excuses like you, saying but but but all the time instead of literally just forcing it. It's probably a strength of mind thing but I generally have faith that anyone can change their mindset by thinking about it. I've had moments at work where I have to leave and go sit in the care for 15 minutes and just breath. I've had moments where I've been driving and I feel so hopeless I have an anxiety attack and can barely breath, nothing to do with driving but how shitty I feel about my life and how fucking stupid it is that I have no reason to feel like that.

I don't think you understand what it's like to come home some days, have your toddler son yell with excitement, come over to hug you while smiling, and you feel nothing. Do you know how that keeps me up at night, worrying about if I'll feel anything on his birthdays, or when he finally goes off to school.

I've been numb for 15 years, I know how it feels.

>>691009908
I take dopamine every morning along with vitamins. At night, I smoke a nice bowl and watch a documentary to unwind. I've found writing is a nice outlet for my depressive states too.

>>691009908
Depression is the realization of how meaningless you are. Wanting to die means wanting to go back to before you were aware. when you became aware you exploded with joy and life and a desire to experience life...humans are born with an extremely acute consciousness..and life seems deliscious and amazing and unimaginably gorgeous until you realize you will die. then you struggle to understand why any thing even matters...it can go a few ways after that, sometimes a large scale understanding of reality can be incredibly depressing....you have to push through it, then you can be a superstar. even a bug will make you happy. it starts with not giving a fuck and getting off your ass.

>>691017998
arent you worried about fucking up your dopamine receptors, making you likely to get early onset parkinsons or some shit?

>>691017777
I just hate the thought of having to bring it up in an interview. I always figured that would keep me from getting any decent job.

>>691017011
What did you do in school. If you've already have work experience and have done some consulting then it's not to difficult to get back into, given the market of course.

If you can manage to work into a close by neighborhood where you can walk or take the bus then that's not too bad.

One thing I do hope is that you've realized doing something just to spite someone else is not a very useful thing. I don't know your situation with your parents or how it was back then but if you had shown an interest and a willingness to learn your dads business would he have brought you on board? Even in an intro position it's more experience to put on the CV which is what matters most.

If possible I'd seriously suggest a sit down with your parents. Explain to them you fucked up, apologize for not living up to their standards and letting them down. Ask for a chance to earn back their trust. Ask for a way to become a part of the family again.

Some people are just cunts, but I would hope any parent would reconcile with their kids if given the chance. If it doesn't work, at least you tried and know it's not worth trying in the future so you can focus your energy elsewhere.

Good on you for getting up and living though bro, no reason to spend all day in bed doing nothing. Getting up is a good accomplishment, and a great step one to starting something else

pretend it isnt there mostly

>>691010517
Agree. Work and activities in general is important. Do something tha will give you some joy. SSRIs haven't done much for me.

>>691018823
Well, high school was high school and like I mentioned I never got to attend college.
And the business is super fucked. Theres no way to get decent paying work from it anymore.
But, I'm not going to apologize to my parents. I worked hard in high school to get into a decent college and they didn't want to help me with it.
My parents were wealthy. I recently found out that my dad had told people my college was paid for before I graduated and it wasn't.
So, I wonder how many people think I turned down a paid education to be a depressed piece of shit.

>>691009908
I've had suicidal thoughts every day for the past 2 years. The only thing that gets me through is the love for my little bro, my mom, and my best friend. That and I havent done enough drugs yet.

>>691019721
What did you do in college? Or want to do for that matter?

I'm completely stuck right now in retail management. I'm trying to learn programming on the side but it's hard with a kid and having to do shit around the house all the time. I wish I went to school for that when I had the chance.

>>691019721
>>691019965
Also you're not a depressed piece of shit. You may be a depressed person but you're not a piece of shit, stop fucking thinking like that. If you constantly put yourself down then it will just get worse.

>>691019965
>and like I mentioned I never got to attend college.

I was going to go for pharmacy.

>>691010204

Sorry bud, that's called addiction, not depression.