Shoved finger up my bum

Fucked a couch.

>>690791427
Fucked a dirty floor, ripped my foreskin, grew phimosis from it and had to get cirumized

>>690791888
Holy shit

>>690791427
Bump

Tryied to jerk off while swimming in the sea

Whipped out my dick and started rubbing it against a car, but couldn't get it hard, so I went home while stroking my flaccid penis

>>690791999
Kek

>>690791888

>gets infection
>gets circunsised

>inb4 circuncision is made because of risk of infections is increased when you are not circounsized....if you're not jewish ofcourse

Fucked someone without any kind of protection.

>>690791427
I saw porn of a girl made of jelly


so I made a pocket pussy with jello
didn't work out well

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I fucked a banana with a condom.

>>690792480
Nigger you what

Wanted to see what would happen if I stuck my dick in a glass bottle then got a boner.

0/10 would not recommend

rubbed my dick against my mom's ass while she was sleeping

>>690792266

he's right you know...

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>>690791427
Saved this

>>690792638
Plot twist:

She wasn't sleeping

>>690791427
i put my wife's dildo in my fleshlight, is that considered fucking or masturbation?

>>690792638
Greentext

>>690792694

shutup newfag

>>690791427
had a threesome with a friend, wasn't bad in and of itself but ruined kinda the friendship.

>>690791427

punched myself in the balls til I passed out

>>690792772
o shit

>>690792779
But why tho?

masturbated during a sleepover with friends in the room because we fell asleep with soul calibur on the tv. Ivy was thick af

> be me horny as fuck
> grabs horny ass tomato shaped like a butt
> not any common butt the one butt that makes you sweat
>shove my dong into it
>starts fucking it
>10 min fucking have passed

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>>690791427
Pissed on my own face.

>>690792958
it seemed funny at the time

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hiting my face against the wall /flushing my head in the toilet etc ..

>>690792694
found the guy with most of his cock nerves snipped off as a baby.

>>690792766
I have now saved this since it made me Horny

the cycle continues

Fucked a crazy ex and restarted a nightmarish relationship that was hard to get out of in the first place

>>690793102

>came the whole tomato and throw it at the garbage
> 5 hours pass
> start feeling real itchy on the dong...
> check dong
>couldn't see anything wrong so i pulled my foreskin as hell as i could
> fucking thing full of worms
> had to get circunsized to remove all of the worms

Went to forest and fapped next to a tree
I was horny and couldn't fap at home

>>690793102
Howd it feel

>>690791427
slipped into bed with my sleeping 9 year old cousin and thigh fucked her
had spent 4 hours watching porn and lost my mind

>>690791888
>>690791999
>>690792266
>>690792322
When did this become a get thread

>>690793483

check the next text >>690793414

I got two
>12 yrs old
>horny af from looking at panty ads
>lock myself in bathroom and search for something to use as lube.
>find tub of Noxzema acne cream
>scream like fuck when it gets in peephole
>hurt to pee next two days

>>690792480
How did it feel?

>>690793554
Kek

>>690793630
Next one not so bad, thought I could jack of with a snowball

>>690793409
Pass it on, make it a family heirloom and share it

Fucked an office chair

Rubbed my dick and masterbated on a friends moms underwear

>>690791427
jerked off drunk as fuck on railway tracks

Fuck a couch, teddy, pillow anything that has a space in bewteen it

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>>690793650
Not him, but probably very cold

>>690791992
I've done that and it's actually pretty awesome, faggot.

>>690793451
Lol me too

>>690792766
More like this.

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1 MB, 260x260

I ate raw tobacco once.

Immediately on ingesting this shit, my system gave me pains, gurgling, every possible "you fucked up" vibe and sound. I go to bed.

On waking up, I feel like I'm dying. My whole body feels hot, I feel like I'm going to vomit, even fucking walking was difficult, it felt like my bones were made of glass. Played through Underhell, had fucked up dreams of being knight in chivalry and being eaten alive by zombies.

When I was younger I fucked a Jesse doll from Toy Story.

>masturbated night before penis inspection day
>Failed the inspection
>Had to get circumcised as punishment

>>690794330
Most other are crap. There was a thread yesterday

>>690791992
ahajaha ive done that too., it was fucking awesome, i still think of that lifeguard watching me XD

>>690794449
Wtf is a penis inspection day

>>690794643
B8 desu

full bottle of water in ass, squeezing and swooshing water inside my rectum, liquid shit all over kitchen floor

>>690794713
Found the newfag

>>690794862
I don't know either.

Got drunk, phoned a random phone number scrawled onto a wall in a town centre titled 'massage', got a taxi to their destination which was a normal residential house full of the most hideous Romanian gypsy women I'd ever seen. Fucked one anyway with maybe 70% rigidity and had to think of other things to force one out. Not as pathetic as some stories here, but I felt fkn stupid

>>690794713
A day when your penis is expected.

>>690794862

Summerfags all over

>>690794188
Wow poor dog. I do hope you suffer when you die

fucked a fat girl

>>690795091
What did that post say

>>690795033
>>690794466
>>690794366
>>690794188
>>690793744
>>690792888
>>690792766
>>690792499
>>690792266
>>690791888

defnietly a get thred

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>>690793954
>see that .gif of blue jello girl morphing around dick doing all kinds of shit
>hmm, wouldn't that feel amazing?
>go to store and pick up 5 packs of jello, cash register looked at me like I just killed a man as I dump a shiton of jello on Ile
>drove home with shit eating grin
>dump a couple packs into a cup and stick a glove over it and tape it shut
>it's happening.jpg
>start to fuck it, immediately rips and jello floods out, my dick now covered in sticky jello
>whatever, can't be that bad right?
>continue fucking, more jello comes out and dick is ice cold with jello inside hole
>OH GOD WHAT AM I DOING THIS BURNS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER AAAAAAAA

>be me
>17
>horny af
>normal wanking isn't cutting it any more
>want to see what anal's like, dont want to shove my hand up my ass
>go on google for new techniques and shit
>read loads of articles
>decide im going to stick my flaccid cock in my ass and get a boner
>cock in ass, needed a stretch, but its in there
>start trying to get a boner
>no results at first
>switch to better porn
>therewego.jpg
>cock keeps getting harder
>start to penetrate my anus, feelsgoodman
>keeps getting harder
>start thrusting back and forth in my chair, gonna have 2 orgasms at once
>2 ORGASMS AT ONCE
>cock in a raging boner now, feel really uncomfortable in both my dick and ass
>anus starts to feel really painful
>feel something go in my dick
>anus starts to prolapse
>penis full on fucking breaks under its own pressure
>fml.gif
>i jump up
>anus splits
>have to find a way of explaining how i split my anus and broke my penis
>blood and shit everywhere
>still can't get proper boners to this day

0/10

>>690791427
>At the bar really committed to raping a hot young redhead
>followed her home
>creepily watched her get into her home
>fell asleep in my car
>RAPE FAIL

I've fucked a lot of stuffed animals. Feels amazing to cum in. Cut a hole in them a little smaller than your dick so it's tight AF and then use your fingers to clear the stuffing path enough for your cock to slide into it. After a few times it gets crusty tho gotta move stuffing around or take jizz stuffing out. Could probably wet stuffed animal and throw it in the dryer so it poofs back up like when you wash a pillow too but never tried it.

>>690794862
>I've been here all week so I can call him a newfag and get lots of the keks! >>690794985

>>690791427
>Going to close friend house 4 his birthday
>get really drunk.jpg
>real fun with a lot of friends
>People leaving, party ending
>around 3am
>wasted.exe
>ask him for a room to sleep
>older sister room
>9/10 qt sister
>sister in vacation
>Didn't get laid tonight so let's fap.jpg
>Find her used dildo close to her bed
>Get a used pair of panties
>REMEMBER IM REALLY DRUNK
>start masturbating while smelling them
>litteraly put the panties in my mouth and start putting the dildo up in my ass
>cant fit
>leave it alone cuz want to be able to sit on chair next weed
>cum in friend sister panties
>leave it there still drunk
>next morning cant find them, litteraly start to freak out
>Goes out of friends room to litteraly find his mother in choc finding the cum used panties INTO THE FUCKING KITCHEN,

MFW i litteraly forgot the fucking panties on the counter while getting some water. Litteraly, they tought it was someone else panties from the party or wtv, they didnt understand but still a funny story.

>>690791427
Ended up in a gangbang. Me and two other friends taking turns (mostly) on a completely unattractive MIWSIWTFBW*.

Low point of my extremely extensive sexual history.

*Milf I wasn't sure I wanted to fuck but... whiskey

>>690795403
How'd you explain it?

>>690795439
You know, the girl is usually the one asleep during a rape

For some odd reason drowning makes me hard. If i stay underwater for too long I'll eventually cum.

>>690795450
What

>>690791427
>be 6
>try to ride my neighbour
>she is 6 too
>have mini hardon
>didn't fit in her, too tight
>don't remember much
>hands smelt like poo

Does she remember?

>>690791427
Agreed to get married.

>>690796035
My only childhood experience was gay

>>690796035

for him to mention the poo, poo must really get OP hard

>>690795752
I called an ambulance. Nobody asked what I had done out of embarrassment.

>>690795450
wtf are keks as well

>>690793507
How do you fuck someones thigh?

>be 15
>gf is sleeping beside me
>staring at her so vulnerable and sexy gives me a boner
>get dumb fucking idea
>open gfs mouth
>pull pants down
>slowly push my cock in her mouth while she's asleep
>get it just past the head
>lay there while she moves her tounge around occasionally
>few minutes pass
>she fucking bites down on it in her sleep
>try my best to be as quiet as possible while I pry her mouth open
>get my cock out of her meatgrinder mouth
>look at cock for a second
>there's fucking red bite marks on it
>put it back in pants
>silently cuddle her until she wakes up
And that was the first time I got a blowjob (if you could call it that).

>>690795814
There are many cases of people who are being hung getting erections so it's probably something that has to do with a lack of air.

>>690796035
Probably, we develop memory around 3 or 4.

>>690796426

depends on the memory, you have implicit and explicit memory

Fucked a friends girlfriend, because he stole a beer from me

>>690791427

said "I love you".

now I'm married to an histerycal 300 lbs chick

http://www.zikasymptons.com/ bump

>>690796422
underage b&

>>690796422
underage b&

>>690796422
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

>>690796838
The summer is again upon us.

Dood, greentext means in the past.

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>>690796635
Hahahahahaha

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I tried to fill four water balloons with warm water and tie them together with duct tape and fuck the hole in the middle

It felt good for the 2 seconds or so it lasted but then one of the balloons broke and soaked my chair and keyboard

I was covered in water and lube and hating myself, trying to fuck the remaining balloons but didnt work

>>690792766
Nice

>>690797245
Kek

I put an icecube in my butt, no regrets but pooping out cold water is kinda weird

>>690797245
Lol'd

>be 8-10 years old
>in the weird teenage kids backgarden (they moved out)
>friend is with me same age name was declan
>black tarp hanging on tree branch
>"look dude"
>don't remember how but we end up wrapped in it sucking eachother off
>hurtlikefuck. Jpg
>at his house with my brother for sleepover
>I made a whole plate of jam rolls
>night time fucking with him
>end up trying anal? Didn't know what was
>won't fit
>all go bed
>put his hamster in ball and go see his dad playing cod zombies or some zombie game
>"not for kids go bed"
>go bed

I didn't realise what even happened till a few years after

not really stupid, more like pathetic.

When I was 12-13 I jacked off 10-15 times a day. No joke.

I had SORES on my cock and I still kept going

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I'm about to have a threesome in a few hours with a dude I met on Craigslist.

inb4 i die

>>690797542
Why,what porn did you use?

locked me out of my house and only had access to the basement where i found the house owners old photoalbums.
went through them and found a completely clothed pic of his wife. thought fuck it i'll do a tribute and busted a nut

>>690791797
Me too fam

>>690792772
Greentext it

<in college, just broke up with gf
<We have same history class
<See her walking in before me, get massive hard on checking out them yoga pants
<Got 5min before class starts, go into bathroom and rub one out
<Hear other guys go in and out of bathroom, wait till it's empty to leave stall.
<Week later talking with teacher in same class with another male student.
<Last guy leaves, both teacher and other student named him the creeper and tell me how last week they heard him jerking off in the bathroom right before class.
<All I say is "sometimes you just gotta bust a nut."
<Laughed all the way back to dorm.

>>690797542
Same thing happened to me, I sometimes wasn't even horny, just wanted to masturbate (if that makes any sense)
jesus fuck

>>690791427
My sister isn't that intelligent. So her

I used Hand Sanitizer to Jack off, it made my dick really fucking itchy and when I woke up, my dick looked like 'The Thing' from Fantastic 4. It took a fucking week to peel all the skin off.

Dressed myself in my big sisters clothes and jacked off with her panties. I had long hair back then too so I tied it up in a ponytail. Felt awesome while I jacked off and came but afterwards I wanted to seriously kill myself

>>690797245
Kek

>>690792898

maybe if he was a girl it would've been different

>>690797909
Greentext

>>690797637

This was late 90's, so dad's shitty nude magazine stash. I was just one horny motherfucker, boobs were enough.

A year or so later I borrowed a grainy 70's porn VHS from a buddy and it blew my mind

kids today have it too good

a few years back i bought a masturbatur. when it was delivered it looked like the pussy and ass of a 10 year old.
used that shit and went to the bathroom to clean it after, left it there to dry.
then i chill, play some videogames.
mom comes home, goes to the toilette etc.
2 hours later i have to pee and see that fucking thing laying there.
awkward as fuck, though she never said a word

>>690798365
Kek

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>>690797812
New friend detected

Fucked my headphones

Soft squishy padding covered in smooth leathery fabric, felt good

but then I had slimy headphones

>>690797812
Anon...
>summer is in full force
>Literally don't how to greentext

>>690797812
Summerfag

Shat in my underwear
They were white

I put a hugo boss lotion bottle up my butt, and the round cap came off. It took like half an hour to get it out

I cut a hole in a watermelon and fucked it to pieces

>>690795814
Auto erotic asphyxiation

>>690799034
Greentext

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>>690791427
Ripped out my cock piercing on a clit piercing.
Pic related. (my blood, not hers)
>hospital was fun

Also ripped a band in my dick the other day while she was doing rev. cowgirl.
She bent my dick downwards too hard.
Doc said others would pay for this because it makes it look bigger when the band is ripped.

>>690798183
Nope, on phone, it's at home on my comp, sorry anon
Short version
She was in bed,
a tickle fight turned into a naked tickle fight (hot summer)
We were close and somewhat young....
Ended up being a 69
She swallows
Next day she and I were playing vidya
She wants to do it again
Ended up fucking
Did it for years

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>>690791427
"Experimented" with my brother and cousin growing up. Now holding fwb with my ex, not sure what'll happen.

>>690797627
Ah, a risk taker are we?

>try urethral sounding after i saw some porn
>feels good
>it starts to hurt so i stop
>finish to masturbate and blood comes out
>oh fuck
>it hurt to piss for the next two days

>>690791427
I got my dick sucked by a transvestite.

Also, I had a threesome with a 6/10 and a 2/10 (she wasn't fat, just butters and missing some teeth).

>>690798656
aural sex

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>>690793412
Been there.

>>690791427

> Try to pull her pants off with teeth
> Not shaved. Rip her beef biscuit a bald patch.
> She cries.
> Lose future erections, because her clam now resembles George Costanza

>>690799440
Top kek

>>690793507
When they put their thighs together, you stick your dick in between them

>>690797914
?

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>>690794713

>>690792783
>rubbed my dick against my mom's ass while she was sleeping

fapped while in skype call ( like a video call) to make her horny. it worked. but she went to sleep so i fapped alone to nudes that à slut sent me. came so hard it went in my mouth. tried to catch the rest of the load with my mouth then.

>>690799739
well played

>>690799739
We're all guilty of that, your mom is kinda hot bro

>>690793246
>etc

Shoved the bottom part of an electric razor and shoved it up my ass whilst taking a shower

>>690799185

this post full of nope.3gp

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This

http://xhamster.com/movies/5972680/riding_a_dildo_slightly_better.html

>>690799185
Whats the point of a cock percing?

Keep in mind that i live in the middle of nowhere, no houses close enough to see anything.
Got outside, undressed, then lied down on the grass and fapped. I came straight upwards... I thought it would be fun and that i didnt need to worry about it being messy since it was outside... Then i had to walk through the house to the shower, sticky and icky

>16
>dress sock full of Vaseline
>microwave on high for 30 secs
>insert penis no questions asked
#burnt.gif

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>>690798425
>Browsing aco on my phone
>Find a futa thread
>Jizz with an almighty force
>Get dressed to go somewhere
>tell my brother that the lotion is in my room
>While ironing wonder if i closed 4chin
>Walk into room brother still there
>Phone still on the futa.
>Awkward as all hell from there.
Pic related.

masturbate while female neighbor was cleaning the windows thinking that the sound of the cloth was actually she screaming

>>690797060
He says in the text that he is 17.

>>690799319
Whats that?

>>690791427
Kissed a stripper while she was working. Surprisingly it worked out in my favor. But still a stupid move considering I've known people to get the shit beat out of them fo even touching one.

>>690800568
when you put something in your dick

>>690800568
it's where you shove a thin metal rod thing up your urethra. Don't look it up

>at work experience
>qt at entrance counter
>8/10
>qt teaching me how to use shit
>actually 6.5/10 but WE
>start getting weirdest boners halfway through first week
>doing low shit work cuz work experience
>got to fill up toilet paper'n shit every moring
>second bathroom on second floor, some fag has a toothbrush in there
>people not paying attention to how long it takes me to do morning routine
>next time weird boner in the morning
>get into second bathroom, brush my asshole with tooth brush
>getting close
>stick tooth rush into my ass, scrubbing insides of asshole
>fuckyes.jpg
>clean toothbrush, repeat daily for rest of work experience

>>690799424
You dick those aura's anon

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>>690800306
Kinda cool to have one, girls like it.
It was just a frenulum one, pic related.
Don't get one if you fuck a lot, it hurts after some time.

>>690800971
Huh

>>690797542
Yeah, I know how that goes. Pleasure like that can be really addicting as a youngin'.

>>690797812
underage b&

>>690797812
Summerfag

>>690798861
Yes, any other color and it would've been alright.

was high on mdma and fucked an avocado

>>690799440
My sides

Rode a homemade dildo till I ruptured my prostate and came blood

>>690802191
Did it hurt

>>690791427
A girl gave me a condom in my junior year of high school. I was, and still am, a virgin and thought "Fuck it, I'll jerk off while wearing a condom." So I went home and jerked off with a condom on. It broke.

>>690792694
Cutting the foreskin for prevention is like killing babies at birth because they might become a serial killer. It doesn't fucking make sense.

>>690799699
he bumped the tread fucking summerfag

>>690802617
Did she get pregnant?

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Be 14
First relationship
New to fucking
Ask to use my brothers room to fuck.

12 years later feeling disgusting by the fact that I asked him that and he said sure on top of it..
Awkward as fuck.

Did some weird pose crapping at a public french toilet(the ones with the hole in the ground), the turd flew under the door in the middle of the bathroom. Luckily nobody was around so I picked it up and put it back in the toilet.

>>690800485
KEK

>>690802854
I guarantee he recorded you

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>>690796184
You absolute mad man

Broke into my buddies house, came all over his sisters panties.
Also l8r that year his sis was super drunk and we fucked. She doesn't remember it

J/O'd with painful vein on penis after sex, one week later still swollen.

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>>690791427
nothing like what the poor fuck did

>>690802802
Nah, my hand can't get pregnant. She is sterile.

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>>690796635

>>690799424
Ha

Doing anal with girlfriend at time, so scared she would poop on dick entire time, but I was the one who ended up shitting myself, while fucking her in butt.

>>690796635
Ew. What does the pussy smell like?

Be 14
Get fucked by bf while his friends laid on the ground in the dark with thier eyes closed.
Didn't want his mom 't0 think we were fucking..

>>690791427
Stopped in a rekt thread now i can't fap without gore.

Be 15
Bf has anger issues.
Gets mad
Fingers me as hard as he could.
It was to much

>>690792766
Somebody made this

and did a pretty good job.

>>690804905
Wat?

>>690793414
>came the whole tomato

playing and sucking on my own tits as a new way to masturbate

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Be 25
Have sexy 10/10 girl,her boyfriend and 3 month year old come over for a 3 some. Met them off craigslist. Awkward at first but after some wine we all fuck except the baby. He slept in the car seat next door. The baby was so freaking cute!

>>690805342
Male or femal?

>>690805560
instantly took the bait. true /b/tard

Hot dog..
Humiliated myself. .

>>690799739
I kekled

>>690794366
I don't think you understood this thread

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>>690791427
-ate my own cum (only once)
-fucked myself with a wood stick, literally broke my ass to the point it bleed for a couple of days before it healed.

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Wrapped my phone In napkins and set 12 alarms to vibration. It worked.

>>690795373
>cash register looked at me

>>690791888
fuck and checked

>>690794366
My mum confused a jar of shisha tobacco with jelly once. She put it on her bread and ate it.
When I came home she felt really sick and asked me wtf that stuff in the jar is.
It was like when Cartman saw something so funny, he could not even laugh anymore.

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I want to put a lemon up my vag but i also need to remain tight

>>690805560
female

>>690794713
You're telling me you've never had penis inspection day at school?

went into my friends moms bedroom and asked her

>>690797519
wut

>>690798365
I think 12 year old you would have a brain aneurysm if he saw PornHub

Got some good shit for you guys
>be me
>be a teen
> be a furry
>fuck bronies
> wake up at 9:00, bored
>parents are making breakfast
>"Anon, time to eat soon!"
>fuckthis.jpg
>realize I need to shit
> go to bathroom to shit
>thinking about my crush
>finish shit
> by the time I'm done I have a full fledged boner
>ok I'll fap

More?

>>690802937
This is fiction

>>690808999
Yes, duh.

>>690808999
check'd m8

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>>690794330
Back from AFK, here, have this

>fapping to femdom and chasity porn
>one day decide to buy one of these chasity cages for you cock
>put cock in but always get too horny and put it off and fap
>decide to bury the key in a nearby forest, so I can still access the key but its a lot of work to get it
>2 weeks pass, feel horny 24/7
>meet this cute girl
>fuck I need to get rid off this cage
>go into the forest and dig
>cant find key
>dig 6 whole hours, no success
>another week passes, the girl wants the D
>have to ask brother to help me cut off my cage without hurting my dick


would not recoomend

girl is my wife now

>>690794366
The nicotine in tobacco will give you really fucked up and vivid dreams if you ingest enough of it,

That why you are never suppose to fall asleep with nicotine patches on.

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>>690808999
The one time I post outside of a roll thread I get trips.
Anyhow,
>get out iPhone 4
>not even broken. Proud as shit
>look up furry porn
>fucking MLP clop tumblr pops up
>it's still an animal
> find a good pic, I'd post it but no MLP outside its designated thread
>almost get there
>don't actually climax
>do this again 3 times
>literally the best gap I've ever had in my life
>cum 5 mins later
> cum'd at least 4 tablespoons
>maybe five
>okay, time to clean up
>the pic related was covered in blood
>FuCk No
>look down
> 2 centimeters below the head to just below it now has no skin
>bleeding
>quickly had to clean it up
> still the best fap
Pics of bleeding dick?

>>690809042
Nope, if you do it wrong your crap ricochets off the toilet.

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>>690811124
I dont wanna see ur bleeding dick. but post it anyway.

>>690791427
About to go bang my neighbor. She's nuts.

>>690792480
Holy shit.

>>690792586
Ouch.

$800 on an Asian hooker in vegas

>>690792499
who hasnt? i did this, just 3 hours ago

>>690813199
99ception

>>690795403
How do you even get your dick in your ass; they're too far apart.

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>>690791427
A few years ago, I turned the hot water all the way up in the shower, then stood on the tub itself so the steam would hit me, but not the water. Well, while the bathroom was steaming up, I began to masturbate. I masturbated a lot, and sweat even more. I spit on my dick and kept masturbating. It was so hot (literally and figuratively), and after I came, I turned off the water and tried to dry off. I was too dehydrated though, and lied down on the bathroom floor. I knew I was dehydrated when I felt the urge to take a shit, which I did; it came out like diarrhea, and plentiful. I couldn't even wipe before I fell over and passed out on the floor in a puddle of water, sweat, cum, and shit.

My mom knocked on the door, which woke me up. Turns out, I had been lying there for a good 30 mins. I wiped, dried off, got out, and drank some water. Never doing that again.

>>690792480
I tried fucking a pack of jell-o once.

>>690797245

omg i can so much picture the whole seen in my head, that's hilarious

>>690791427

Went to roomates room while he was asleep with his gf and came buckets while watching her sleep

definitely the most stupid shit i've done but I do it still and maybe not that often, but I use every good possibility

>>690813151
Greentext?

Did some super gay stuff online (pics and stuff)

>>690794713
Newfag found

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>At a cute girls house
>Her parents just left
>It's now only us two
>Her normal bathroom was being renovated
>Only other bathroom in the house was her parents
>She went into her parents room
>I followed in after she got out
>Figured she must of had to use the bathroom
>Big fucking shit in the toilet
>surprise.jpeg
>I mean this thing is fucking huge
>I grab it
>Star to contemplate my options
>goforit.wav
>I smear it on my dick
>I'm using her shit as lube
>Feels fucking great
>Man this is dirty
>Knock on the door
>Ohfuck.gif
>It's her dad
>I quickly clean myself off as best i can
>Washing my hands with speed never again reached
>open the door
>Her dad says "Sorry anon, forgot my keys and I'm in a bit of a hurry"
>Walk out of bathroom
>Start to come to realization
>Ask the cute girl what she needed out of her parents room
>She says I was looking for a cell phone charger
>I masturbated with her dads shit
>Mfw

>>690792766
Just a typical cam girl

Falco main if youre reading this its too late and youve seen the braindead furries try to take over

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>>690797245

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>>690813432
>steam
>hot shower
>dehydrating
>shit yourself
>passes out for 30 minutes

Anon...you may have something else...

Iv masturbated plenty of times in a hot steamy shower and never passed out and shit myself.

Maybe you were already dehydrated before you got to the shower.

I dont see how steam and water can dehydrate you..

See a doctor.

>>690800310
lol anon. i tried that aswell one time, felt good, but now im not allowed in Central park anymore

>>690813151
$800?
How drunk were you

>>690797542
Holy shit, you must have had some great gap material.

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>>690814388
I spat on my dick a few times and hadn't drank any water beforehand. A similar thing happened back in 9th grade when I overdid it during PT for AFJROTC class, and had to be wheel-chaired into the school's nurse's office. After getting there, I took a shit in her mini-bathroom, and it was like a huge, soggy patty from Whataburger or something in the toilet.

Wanked through my pocket in the back of my dads car while me and my sister were waiting for him in tescos car park (sister in front seat). Window steamed up

>>690800971
why would you intentionally get something, that isnt good for fucking? are you fucking daft?

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>>690799440

>>690813324
holy shit. my first ever dubs!

>>690814388
>steam hitting your body is the same as consuming water
>you can't be dehydrated if you have water on your body

Nigga are you purposely being stupid or what?

>>690795373
>the cash register looked at me
he knew bro