>>690661814
holy shit im hungry dude keep this thread alive ill be back with food

>>690661814
>i fucked my mom

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bumping

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>>690661814
>"we have a very special bond"

>>690662129
care to give us a backstory to this?

HERE IT GOES, BITCHES
>middle fucking school
>cutie in band class with me
>she plays the flute, bout to play the skin flute
>ask her out
>she complies
>loving life
>but her mom is a cunt and wont let us alone
>BRILLIANT FUCKING IDEA DOT JAYPEGG
>call gf
>tell her I love her and blah blah bullshit
>ask to talk to her mom
>she doesnt understand but agrees
>mom gets on phone
>profess my feelings for gf to her mother
>incoming atomic bomb of spaghetti
>tell her MOTHER that I dont plan to do anything physical with her daughter but I have CONDOMS just in case WE DO
>BIG FUCKING MISTAKE
>she gets in a world of trouble
>her dad flips the fuck out
>she is grounded forever because of me
>never talked to her again
>become MASSIVE emo faggot for two years

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>>690661814

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>>690662487

>>690662464
no. not really

>>690662945
What more is there?
>be me
>have mom
>fuck her

>>690662945
will you do it anyway?

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>>690662487
what were you expecting bro?

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>>690661814

Storytime

>Be me, around 13 years old.
>In school, the class are all being noisy fags except me
>Teacher brings in a guest
>I don't remember what the guest said but it had something to do with the internet
>Class is sent on a task to post a picture of ice cream on an image board
>Basically, 4chan but for underage faggots like me at the time.
>Class isn't taking any of this shit
>One guy in the class posts Thomas the Tank Engine
>The Class then erupts the board with memes
>Next day, the class gets shouted at.

That is my first time on an image board before 4chan. Not that embarrassing or that autistic but it makes me kek every time

>>690663174
I was expecting what any retarded 13 year old expects....pussy.

>>690662945
>>690663063
can you tell us how you came about getting into your mothers pants?

can you post a pic of your mom?

can you tell us what exactly made you want to fuck your own damn mother???

>>690663364
I'm not the actual mom guy, was just giving a short synopsis of what probably happened.

>>690663274
Literal autists the people that thought that they could leave an imageboard to 13 year olds.

>>690663274
???

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OP here again, this one is more autism related

>my first crush said she liked brave men
>thisismytimetoshine.exe
>challenge myself to ride my bike down the street blindfolded to show her i'm really brave
>friends come to watch
>moment of truth
>bike surpasses the sound barrier
>not seeing it really but feeling a lot o air to my face
>smash front wheel to a bystander foot
>i fall obviously
>get a broken nose
>almost get a beating by the guy i had almost amputed his feet
>crush laughed

fucking girls

>>690664105
damn not even an otphj out of the situation? weak

#Iwasborn

>>690663274
>4chan but for underage faggots
so... 4chan.

>>690664105
Well, she said brave not retarded.

>>690665051
I mean he is underage obviously. I didn't have memes in my school when I was 13

>>690665740
>>hot
nice meme

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>>690665087
it seemed like a great fucking idea in my head

>>690661814
bump.

>>690663274
Underage summer fag. Ban this nigga.

>be youngling
>have thing for nipples wanting to constantly touch em
>hand down mom's shirt while watching tv was perfectly normal
>while sleeping hands would seek out nipples to pinch
>no one is safe
>not my mom, my dad, nor our pet dog
>sleepover at aunt
>she has daughters
>sleeping next to aunt
>woke up with hand on her breast
>sleeping next to one of cousins
>wake up alone on sofa outside cousin's locked room
I'm not proud of this

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>>690667008
>no one is safe

top fucking kek

>>690664105
That is not brave that is stupid. Kek. But then again all of us are autists

>high with friend on weekend
>he's on insta showing me a girl he has a crush on
>likes one of her pics from 47 weeks ago
>we somehow convince each other that you can't unlike a photo
>he messages her and says that he didnt mean to like her photo and that he didn't want to have sex with her we both thought this was a great idea
>an hour or so passes and it's wore off and she messages him and says "what the fucks wrong with you anon"
he had to block her I swear I laughed the entire day

>>690666380
I remember this one. Lol

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>>690661814
>2nd grade
>math class about to end
>suddenly feel a fart coming
>try to make it as silent as possible
>it was a shart
>freeze in horror
>whole class starts smelling it and quietly asking each other who farted
>class ends
>run like crazy to the nearest bathroom
>big shitstain on my pants
>stay there and wait till a teacher comes in
>ask for help
>he brings me a towel, some spare PE clothes and tells me to go to the showers, this bathroom didn't have any
>would take me about 20 seconds of running to get there
>run
>everyone sees me and the big brown stain in my pants
18 years later I still get called doodoo dave.

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thread is not kill yet, bumping

I've read all the stories about times where people have responded "You too" in situations where it isn't a correct response.
It finally happened to me a few weeks ago

>On vacation in Washington state
>There for 12 days
>Final day, arrive at the airport to leave
>Go to check in
>A guy is helping me check in
>Checks my bag and gives me my flight tickets
>Explains how I need to change flights here and here and recheck my bags
>Wishes me a good flight
>"You too"

I caught what I said immediately.

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>>690667836
>doodoo dave
my sides,where are they ?

>>690661814
got kicked out of tesco for being sexist a few days ago

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>>690667836
:(

>>690668216
story?

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>>690667568
see kids, that's why we dont use drugs

>>690668453
got kicked out of tesco for being sexist

>>690668453
He was being sexist.

>>690668756
i was being sexist

>>690668453
Sexist, he was being it.

>>690668865
in tesco?

>>690668992
yea tesco

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>9 years old or so
>go to a classmate's house over the weekend to play PS1 with him
>one thing led to the other and basically we rubbed our dicks with each other
>back then I believed that not confessing a deadly sin (lust) would mean that I'd go to hell when I died
>confess to the school's reverend the next day
>he has his hand up his chin and goes ''...uhuh''
>classmate moves to another state later that year
>have deathly fear that the reverend might have told anyone since

>>690669147
I don't follow whats sexist about tesco???

>>690670062
me

>>690668453

He's a white male and left the house

>>690669807
i guess most of us have a weird sex experience when we were kids
i used to visit my friend, we would watch porn and fap each other... not proud of it but oh well

>>690670666
satan is a feminist

>be 11
>first discover masturbation
>cousin of same age also discovers it at about the same time
>ff to family party
>we go up to my room
>i show him my playboys i stole from mi padre
>we both jerk off in the same room at the same time, looking at the same playboy magazine
>neither one of us thought it was weird at the time

>>690671122
>neither one of us thought it was weird at the time
so he could have told someone about it?

>be in school
>worst class the school had ever seen
>have assistant for a day or so
>assistant is a 9/10 asian babe
>class being nasty asking all kinds of sexual stuff
>suddenly breaks down letting us ask her one question each
>wtf.jackpot
>students gather around a single table to discuss the important matters at hand
>what do we ask?
>write on tiny notes to stay "anonymous"
>moment of truth
>reading our notes one by one she shares her secrets with us
>class over, we learnt about her dildo and sexlife
>following day all our parents are to be informed
>i attempt to bribe our teacher with my lunchmoney
>failed
>on my way home i plan my suicide so that my parents cant kill me
>asian step in had to step out and we never saw her again

>>690670686
Thats pretty gay

I have a similad story about 2 friends of mine.

They were 12 or 13 and both hang out and sit on the couch together and jerk off and laugh about it when they came on their hands and would say "SPIDERMAN" and continue laughing about it hysterically

>be 10-11
>me and my friend are on summer break
>when it hits night time we both get blankets and cover our self's up to jerk off on family pc
>watching a video of a redhead
>the video is so fucking funny cant stop laughing
>wake mom up she just ask what were doing
>we say nothing and she leaves
>go to bed

>>690663274
I vehemently desire death

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>>690672272

>i attempt to bribe our teacher with my lunchmoney

>>690671579
it was 7 years ago i doubt he remembers it. he's pretty fucking stupid

>>690671999
Nice trips
>>690661814
>be me, 7
>at neighbours house because they're nice people
>have to shit
>don't like shitting in other people's houses
>it's starting to turtle
>ohshit.tiff
>huge log of shit in my underwear
>quickly say goodbye to ancient old man and old woman who smells of shit as well
>waddle across the street back home
>don't tell mom
>clean out shit log
>put on new undies
>pretend like it didn't happen

I could go on about stories like this. I had a bad problem with shitting my pants. I would find skid marks in my tighty whities until I was 10. Sometimes when I was younger and not as embarrassed by it, it would dry and scrape off into what I called "poop pellets"

Looking back I wish I drank Windex.

>Be 13 year old faggot
>Lunch break
>Crush saying how she likes guys who break rules
>nowsmychance.gif
>reach into bag and pull out apple sauce container
>throw sauce at principal's window
>feel like the fucking man
"Anon, are you fucking retarted?"
I was called sauce boy for the next 4 years

>>690673079
Shut up, sauce boy.

>>690673021
you deserve to shit your pants until the end of fucking time for still wearing tighty whities at 10 years old

>>690663274
This is all literally made up. There's no such thing as a teacher teaching their students how to post on image boards you retarded fucking nigger.

>>690673021

Moar!!

Lmao

>>690669807
Religion, not even once

>>690661814
>Be eight and apparently retarded
>Older cousin promised to take me and little sister swimming
>We pack our shit and get ready to go
>Little sister ended up not coming
>Think she got invited to go skating or some shit
>I say whatever and go with my cousin
>vroom vroom because he's sixteen
>Pay our way in and go to the locker room
>He tells me to undress and put my clothes in our locker
>I go full naked because I'm not ashamed of my body yet
>Lock my shit up with his and he leaves
>I go to shower before I change and get in the pool
>Actually following the rules
>I shower in a stall and look into my bag
>oh shit nigger
>Apparently I was responsible for packing my own trunks
>Only thing in bag is sunscreen and my sisters bikini
>She was three years younger but it was a two piece
>I freak out, can't go outside nude
>(There are girls out there)
>Look around for cousin but can't find him
>decide to embrace my inner granny
>Put on sisters bikini bottom
>awkwardly tie the sides
>Walk out into park
>probably obviously a boy
>Try covering myself at first but I can't find my cousin
>Decide to just act natural and swim
>Life guard calls me out of the water
>He talks to me, I'm spooked
>I piss myself but hope he doesn't notice
>I ignore the obvious issue and he takes me to the locker room
>Asks if he can fix it
>I'm a retard and ???
>He takes that as a yes and undoes my bikini, then retightens it
>I say thanks and run away
>Continue to be retarded around people
>Cousin eventually sees me and says what the fuck
>carriers me to the locker room and tells me to take it off
>I'm crying and it's tight so he has to do it for me
>He unlocks our shit and dresses me
>Ended up leaving early
>Never went back

I dunno what else I could have done, but this is my most cringe experience.

>>690672353
>2 friends of mine

Own up to your homoerotic experience, fagit

>be 12 years old badboy wannabe
>had to leave my old school because of parents wanting a better future for their child
>fuck this i want my friends
>first day in class
>maybe if i make small talk to the prettiest girl, she'd show me around
>approuch her like a alpha
>fail miserably
>forget the plan, if i make fun of her everybody will laugh and i'll be the funny guy
>she doesnt like it
>slaps me HARD across the face
>be known as the guy who got slapped by anon for 2 months

after this my teacher made me apologize, and i got plenty of friends tho, the girl who slapped me inclused

>>690669147
Not Asda?

>>690666380
You can see the image decaying from how old this is.

>be 15
>I went to my aunts house for summer and shit
>she though i was a little bit fat so she started giving me vegetarian food and shit that makes me fart a lot
>next week or so
>i met this 10/10 girl at the beach
>we start flirting and shit
>man life's so good
>she says "hey anon, you could come to a party tonight , it will be cool and shit"
>i prepare for the party
>aunt asks me if i will drink alcohol
>i say yes
>she says, then u should eat something so u can drink more without dying
>i love u
>i am at the party
>i say hello and i start talking to people
>the 10/10 girls arrives
>hi anon
>a guy says, ok guys now we will play something
>we play thruth or dare or some shit like that with alcohol
>everybody is quiet as fuck
>my stomach begins to make weird songs
>i try to ignore it
>fucking vegetarian food, its becoming louder
>shit
>everybody is staring at me
>it sounds like a fart, but im not farting
>she's looking at me
>they all ignore me that night

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>>690667568
Dying

>>690674327
Digital images actually decay?

>>690674037
Why would I lie?
The gayest thing ive ever done is touch dicks with my buddy when we were 10ish

>>690674644
Tough luck bro

>Be me, in like 3rd grade
>Reading class or whatever they called it
>Teacher is notorious for being really strict and downright mean sometimes
>On this particular day, the teacher has decided that we'll take turns about reading some boring story out loud
>I have to shit pretty bad
>Ask teacher if I can go, she says no since I haven't read aloud yet, guess she thought I was trying to get out of it even though I was one of the best readers in the class
>Whatever, take my turn reading while holding in my shit
>Very next kid is reading on like a preschool reading level, he has to take like 30 seconds sounding out each word
>Fuck this, I have to shit REALLY bad now, ask the teacher again if I can go
>She says not until everyone is done reading
>HereItComes.log
>Tactically shit my pants in class because the teacher wouldn't let me go
>Mom gets called, she has to bring me pants and underwear
>Somehow everyone seemed to have forgotten about it or something, never got called names or anything

>>690674716
Re-encoding JPEGs reduces image fidelity.

>>690673496
>>690673021
>be me, 5 or 6
>cool cousin Nathan is drivin me home from grandma's
>he has a truck and his brother is in with him (my other cousin)
>cousin's brother says somethin stupid, cousin smacks him and he cries like a bitch
>kek
>anyway
>half way home I shit myself
>fucking hell
>don't say anything
>go home
>overhear cousin say "I think he might have...pooped himself?" to mom
>goddamnit.png
>mom takes me to my room
>literally fucking cleans me up and makes me put on a pull-up

This was by far the worst.

>>690672272
what grade anon?

>>690675290
Explains why all my old pics are looking worse than i remember them being

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>>690661814
Not autistic or embarrassing, but still felt the need to post it. Will post autistic story later on (I have more than a few, this story is one of my only successes)
>be me
>late elementary school
>middle of lunch period
>suddenly have to shit really bad
>get up and run to the bathroom as fast as I can
>enter bathroom
>sign on stall door
>"out of order"
>made last minute decision to shit in urinal
>remember that the school installed cameras in the hallways
>ohfuck.png
>tard kid name Jeffery walks in out of nowhere
>expect his handler to walk in with him any second
>butterfliesinstomach.png
>after few seconds, realize handler nowhere to be seen
>Jeffrey walks past me, and starts pissing in the urinal next to me, completely unfazed by the shit next to him
>get brilliant idea
>run to principles office
>tell secretaries that I was in the bathroom peeing, when Jeffrey walked in and started shitting in urinal
>tell them he was still in there when I left
>walk back to bathroom with secretary
>Jeffrey is still there, staring at the mirror
>secretary see's urinal shit and gags
>grabs Jeffrey and hauls him down to office
>mfw Jeffrey was seen with a new wrangler afterwards
>mfw i got away

>Be me
>8 or 9 years
> middle of class sitting behind girl I like
>she is wearing a pony tail
>I begging rubbing it
>tap her shoulder and say
"Do you feel when I touch your tail?"
>keep in mind that tail also means butt in my country
>she slaps me
>all class sees
>friend sitting next to me begins to laugh
>Didn't comprehend what happened after 3 weeks.

>>690674716
As people screenshot it and share it and more people screenshot and share the quality won't be as high

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>be me
>be in kindergarten
>art class
>art teacher was a total bitch
>had to take a piss really badly
>raised my hand to ask to go to the restroom
>she downright ignores me
>illshowyou.png
>unleash all of my bladder into the chair I'm sitting in
>went rest of the day in soaked shorts
>never told anyone
>never saw that teacher again
>never got in trouble
>mfw

>>690675594
PNGs are the way to go but no one fucking uses them.

>>690667922
i work as a valet/bellman at a hotel and i bait people all the time with "have a great stay". the amount of "you too. errr... uhhhh...." is hilarious

>>690675352
Dont remember exactly, maybe 7th or 8th

>6th grade, move states and schools
>Everyone has PE class every day
>Middle school in FL so it's hot as fuck
>Boys uniform is green ball shorts and grey shirt
>Girl's uniform is grey short-shorts and grey shirt
>Mom fucks up when she buys my uniform or something, gets me a boy's shirt but girl's shorts
>Apparently doesn't realize until too late
>I have to wear this for the entire school year now because my mom won't take the shorts back and exchange them, apparently she didn't see the problem here
>Forced to wear booty shorts in front of my entire class every day for the entire school year
>Pretty sure people talked behind my back, but never to my face about it
Felt and probably looked extremely awkward the entire time

>>690675302
I was bladder incontinent until I was almost ten if it makes you feel any better. Always wore diapers because pissing myself wasn't a great alternative.

>>690673894
You poor dumbass.
10/10 made me feel

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>>690675795
WAT

>>690662487
Niice

>>690675795
My mom did the same thing when she was in like first grade, but instead of her own chair she waited until the teacher left the room and pissed in the teacher's chair.

>>690675767
>not autistic
>shit in urinal
kek
great story anon, keep'em coming

>>690675767
You cunt.

>>690673079
you'd be useful to some anons needing sauce

>>690675780
>Cola

>>690676231
It makes me feel a bit better. I wore pull ups at night until about 9 or 10 as well because I kept shitting myself. Was not fun.

>>690676487
It was either that or shit myself. Between the two, the urinal was the safest option

currently typing up one of my failures, this one also involves shit
>>690676520
sorry.

>Be me, first or second grade
>Friends all decide to play house on recess
>Best friend is the dad and I'm the son (both of us guys)
>Blah blah blah, don't remember what happened, end up kissing him on the cheek but not in a romantic way or something
>Somehow the teachers find out, guess they saw us, called our parents
>Questioned by mom that evening, she thought I was gay or some shit I guess
>I wasn't, it was innocent, we were kids playing imaginary games
>Tell her what happened, she believed me, nobody ever spoke about it again
>Stayed friends with him all through school until I moved away

>Be antisocial 13 year old me during class
>Sitting in a corner listening to music in my cellphone with group of girls near me
>slightly singing
>suddenly let out the Loudest fart I've ever had
>even with the earphones I could hear it
>girls laugh quietly
>endmylife.jpeg
>didn't show up for school next day.

>>690663274
Was this last week?

At my friends house for birthday/sleepover. Two of my friends decide to sleep next to each other shirtless on a bed. I'm like hael nah. All of us 15 at the time. So I see shirts fly off then one of them took of their pants and said, "I'm a Sasquatch hunter". Starts half nude wrestling on the bed. Really awkward for me sleeping on the floor beside the bed. I tell them if they fall on me I'm beating the shit out of them. One falls. I punch the shit out of them and they crawl back to the bed. It was like that for hours I locked myself in the bathroom and slept in the tub.

>>690661814
Is nine the most autistic age? When I was nine, my older cousin told me that I was secretly a werewolf and I'd look like one to others of I went around nude on a full moon. I did it for months in front of family and friends. Always ended up spanked and sent to my room. I remember howling when my dad whipped my ass, so it's a wonder he didn't mercy kill me.

>>690670686
Am I the only one who wasn't a faggot as a child? Or now

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How about this one

>be me, about 9
>go to cousin's for pool fun
>playing in swimming pool
>somehow start pretending we're meditating
>for some godforsaken reason I thought it was called masturbating
>mom asks what game we're playing
>I show her
>"we're masturbating mom!"
>go home immediately
>don't see cousins for another year afterwards

>>690677973
So did they fugg? :DDD

>>690662487
/thread

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>>690667836
>doodoodave

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>>690676487
Here's the next story
>be me
>4th grade
>doing class art project
>drawing pictures when the urge to shit hits me
>feels like a solid one, figure I can hold it in
>suddenly, qt3.14 crush walks up to me and starts talking about how good a drawer I am
>feel turtle head popping out, but don't want to walk away from crush
>just smile and nod hoping she walks away when she realized the conversation isn't going anywhere
>suddenly, feel a plop in my underwere
>fuckme.png
>feel the shit nugget roll down my pant leg
>plops on the floor next to my shoe
>figure if I put my shoe over it she wont see
>quickly stamp foot down onto turd
>she looks down
>see's shit protruding from shoe
>herecomesthesmell.png
>she screams
>whole class looks up at me
>usain bolt out of classroom
>hide out in the bushes in the playground
>mfw the school had to call my mom from work to coax me out of the bushes

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>14 years old beta anon
>had a crush who liked me back
>bestfellingintheworld.rar
>some jealous fag who was in love with her for ages tells the whole school i wanted to fuck her in the bathroom stall
>and people fucking believed!
>it's ok, i can still take control of the situation
>valentines day comes around
>i bought her flowers and told her i never meant any of those things people were saying
>she looks me dead in the eye and says
>"i'll always love you as a friend"
>come downs the stairs holding back tears
not even my friends would be there to support me
>in the same day, i was known as the Rose Boy
>fuckthisgayearth.webm

this name stuck with me for 2 whole years, later i even got some girl to make out with me for pure pity, but i can live with that

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>>690678589
They weren't your friends man, fuck em, this has never happened to me, but I feel you anon

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>>690678543
oh shit man, literally...
i felt genuinely bad for you now, thanks for sharing

>>690662487
it was a test, you didn't actually love her and didn't try and say fuck it and see her again anyway. If you had really loved her you would have showed up and let the father yell at you until he passed out. Parents saw your bluff and raised, you folded.

>>690677158
I feel you man, it was so bad for me that my whole family knew about it and kept mocking it

>Be me
>about 7
>go to cousins house
>he's like 16
>we're put on front porch, and for some reason a pair of his socks are rolled up together, kinda looks like a short, fat, fuzzy snake
>I ask what it is
>cousin says its asleep, it only wakes up at night
>says it waits at the foot of the bed and eats your feet and legs while you're asleep
>freaked out
>later that night
>Aunt tucking me in
>Ask her to check the bottom of the bed
>she takes the covers off
>it's there
>I scream
>like a lot
>I scream bloody fucking murder, I'm so loud, at this literal pair of tube socks
>aunt takes it tears them apart, revealing it to be two socks
>Sleep with legs curled up to this day

>>690677140
kek

>>690667836
lol! im lolling at YOU!

>>690679341
That sound traumatic

>>690661814
Why are you people all so fucking gay? I don't get it. Why the fuck are so many of these stories about "that one time me and my guy friend sucked each other off" or "that time my bro and i watched porn and jacked off together"

Seriously what the fuck.

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>>690678942
thanks man, it means a lot. i stopped seeing those assholes long time ago, but this story will always be with me, i guess i kind of like it in the end. Builds character you know...

>>690669807
NOW IT YOU IM LOLLINGAT FAGGOT

>>690672272
would probably be a pretty good story if you werent illiterate. im not lolling

>>690673021
this is why i drink until i cant remember childhood. you get one half lol atcha
>i called poop pellets

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>>690679234
here's more, since you seem to like them
>be me
>10th grade
>sitting in french class
>teacher was mildly attractive in hindsight, which means instant boner material to a teenager
>have to do a 2 minute oral presentation in french on any subject we want
>project due at the end of may
>due date comes, weather is hot as fuck
>teacher is in a tank top, and jean shorts
>instantboner.png
>whythefuckdidiweartrackpantstoday.png
>as luck has it, I'm first to go
>walk up to front of class, boner is extremely obvious
>everyone is wispering, chads in front of class snicker
>teacher notices my embarrassment, and asks if I was too nervous and would like to do my presentation later
>try to play it off with a joke
>"how about I present my other, bigger project to you later, if you know what I mean"
>whole class is speechless, including teacher
>got a referral, and threatened with suspension
>ended up getting a C- on the actual project
>mfw

>be me
>7th grade
>have to shit badly
>go to bathroom
>get done shitting
>find out toilet doesn't flush
>fuckme.jpg
>i don't want to just leave shit in the toilet
>thinks of awesome idea to pick it out of the toilet and put it in the stall right next to mine
>start walking out
>bout half way when someone walks in
>I freeze for 3 seconds
>throw shit at mirror and run
>get called down to principals office
>get made to help clean the shit off the mirror with the janitor
>get suspended for 2 days
>mfw

>>690661814
this is more of an asshole moment, but it's still pretty autistic

>be me, i think 9yo. can't remember
>is an atheist
>grandma took me to church
>tried fanning myself but it was like fuckin 190 degrees
>boring as shit bible speech or something
>whips out dsi
>ds was muted
>maxed out volume
>(in my head) "hurr listen to this fam"
>music was loud as shit
>everyone stared at me
>silence
>old woman told me to stfu
>"how bout you stfu"
>kicked out

>>690673894
im lolling softly at you with tears welling in my eyes

>be in 1st grade
>it's winter so we have to stay inside for recess
>there is this SpongeBob computer game everybody loves to play
>I'm waiting in line for my turn
>watch the girl play as squidward
>suddenly don't feel too great
>oh no
>gonna puke
>must be the yogurt I had for lunch
>don't know where to puke so I just decide to stand there
>vomit on the keyboard and her hands
>vomit everywhere
>"HE PUKED ON MY HANDS"
>teacher takes me to nurse
>get sent home
>the next few days nobody can play on the computer because no keyboard
>girl I threw up on won't talk to me

Thankfully I had completely new classmates in the 2nd grade so they never knew of this.

>>690675989
dumb faggot, you should have just owned it

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>In tenth grade I bought this shirt with my own money

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>>690667836
TOP KEK

>>690675989
now YOURE THE ONE IM LOLINAT AHAHAHAHAH

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>>690680904
>bigger project
You just can't stop, can you ?

this takes me back to when i was in high school
>random raging boner like any teenager
>fuck, i have to go pee
>boner slowly decreases
>guess i can hide it now
>fuckingnope.jpeg
>as soon as i get up a douchebag starts to laugh really loud and i become the center of attention of the class
>fuck this
>sits again
>dork laughs the whole day
>i never felt in so much need to piss in my live

at least no one other than him notice my boner

>>690678246
loal. youre the one that i loal at.

>>690678088
Fucking crying
Holy shit

>>690667568
Fucking newfags.

>be nikki sixx
>have radio show
>talk in a faggy voice about old people problems and what movies make me cry

>Be around 10
>Discover masturbation
>Never actually came but sort of tugged it
>Get some sort of movie that has nudity in it
>That'sATiddy.mp4
>Start masturbating
>feelgood.jpeg
>Continue masturbating
>"Why is my peepee feeling funny" I ask
>Proceed to cum
>Ohshit.jpeg
>I had never came before so this shocked me
>I get nervous and think that I can not pee ever again
>Learned in science that if you can't pee you can die
>Flip out
>Run to parents room asking them why I peed white
>Mfw that was the night I also had the sex talk

>>690678088
Fucking kek

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>>690682004
I have a tendency to make awkward situations even more so, as exemplified with the next story
>be me
>summer after grade 9
>boy scout camping trip
>new kid named Nigel joined us
>canoeing across lake, partnered with Nigel
>dude is really quiet, while everyone else in their canoe is laughing and having a good time
>try to break the ice with a mean-spirited joke
>"so, did your mommy give you that stupid purple jacket?"
>Nigel says nothing, continue paddling
>dock on other side of lake, Nigel gets out of boat and starts to tear up
>scout leader notices and walks over, asks whats wrong, he starts whispering something
>scout leader calls me over
>turns out Nigel's mom physically and sexually abused him as a kid
>Nigel never spoke to me afterwards
>mfw

>>690678543
i lolled at you as well.
because you needed coaxed out of bushes. lolled more in this thread than any in 7 years. greentext all day erry dau fuck screencaps and memes

>>690682004
I never got why its funny to see someone's dick or boner. I think its awkward and embarrassing for both people. In grade 11 i was in math class and saw the guy a few seats next to me readjusting his boner around. I just looked away and felt awkward.

>>690680906
>mfw
what

>>690683054
fuck Nikki Sixx, his shitty radio show plays every night on my local radio stations and I am in the middle of nowhere New Brunswick Canada.

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The details are hazy and I am not a good storyteller but here goes, I was in first grade and we were on a school bus going to some shitty field trip. I was sitting in a seat alone and there were two of my male friends I knew sitting a seat behind me (let's call them Bob and Jerry). Since we were bored we decided to play truth or dare (it mostly consisted of dares). The dares slowly got worse and worse until me being a perverted fuck that I was, dared Bob to suck Jerry off, I believed they wouldn't do it. They accepted, I see Jerry unzipping his pants and getting his dick out, I stare in awe as Bob leans over and sucks Jerry off. Bob stops after a while afraid to get caught, nobody has realized somebody is being sucked off in the bus. Bob continues this routine until we get to our destination. We got off the bus and they acted like nothing happened. mfw this guy got sucked off in first grade.

>>690683416
My mom abused me too. Thanks for the reminder, faggot...

>Be me, 8th grade
>13 yr old betafag
>New girl transfers in.
>Emo, solid 8/10. Remained 8/10 throughout high school.
> I fall hard for this girl.
>Beginning of school-year field day rolls around.
>Get split into these gay "students for students" groups.
>She gets put in my group.
>score.jpg
>Play volleyball together.
>Finally work up the nerve to talk to her.
>"Hi, my name's Anon, do you like Mincraft?"
>endmysuffering.jpg
>Turns out she actually DOES like minecraft.
>I really hit it off with this girl.
>Become really good friends, but never get the courage to tell her how I feel.
>This goes on until summer begins.
>Lose contact
>Come back to school next year.
>shittyfreshman.jpg
>Mfw She's dating my best friend, and has been since about the second week of summer.
>Mfw it lasts for three years

I still believe that it could have been me, if I wasn't such a cuck.

>>690680904
not autistic. alpha. no lols, but jaw did drop. well my inner jaw dropped.

>>690667922
>>690675926
wtf is wrong with saying you too. Just laugh it off or own it

>green text

Got awesome job
Real good money

Staff party
Take Molly
High as fuck I decide to shit on the floor in front of everybody

Give notice 2 weeks later
Couldn't stand other employees looking at me

>>690680904
jesus anon

>>690680906
i lolled upwards at my neighbors floors. hope no wakey the obese beaners with my LOLLINATCHA

>>690677973
Sounds like they were butt fucking and sucking dick M8, lucky they didnt wrastle you to the floor and pound every hole you had

I remember being young and cock blocking my single dad all the time by walking in on him and bugging him when he was jerking. I knew he loved me and probably wasn't too mad, but I feel kinda bad/retarded for doing it. I didn't even know what I did wrong until years later.

>>690679244
dubs and wow that's actually probably correct.

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>be me
>was my birthday
>socially awkward yet i still had friends
>had a few friends over at my party
>me being a lonely fuck spent most of the time in my room
>one of my friends was my crush
>laptop monitor was broken
>had RBG-or-whatever cable
>plugged it in monitor
>opened google chrome
>xvideos.com
>fapping
>crush walks in on me
>dick out in the open
>i thought "SHIT"
>everything felt like slow motion for some reason
>cover up with blanket
>had cumstain on the outside
>looked like she witnessed >>690000000, but with a bit more of a horrified feeling
>"w-wait!"
>femanon told friends
>didn't talk to me for a month
>mfw

>>690683450
I pretty much had no friends after that incident. Thankfully, that school got closed down at the end of that year, and most of the kids from that school went to the next closest elementary school in that area, while my parents to put me in a different one due to bullying (cant imagine why).

>>690680950
cringed

>>690678204
Everyone on this board is some kind of faggot I bet you fap to traps and if you dont you soon will I suggest start off with Kimber James

>>690684006
Nope, you're too much of a cuck

>>690684006
what does it matter? you were both 13, not much you could both do then kiss and hang out. Teen date is retarded, better to wait until you are older and can have real fun.

>>690684018
>>690684201
My dad and grandpa still make jokes about it to this day.

This thread is so far up the spectrum it's gone infrared.

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>>690667836
>doodoo dave

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>>690684318
That was a good time
sept 0

>>690684185
the heartiest of my lols are directed in YOUR DIRECTION

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>>690680904

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>>690661814
>back in middle school
>6th grade
>some wigger kid always saying "thats racist" to everything
>everyone always laughs and thinks its funny
>one day in some literature class
>teacher printed out copies of "WHITE FANG" from a double spread out of a text book.
>the way it was stapled together made it seem like it was only titled 'WHITE'
>get handed the booklet
>shout "THATS RACIST"
>room goes quiet
>teacher asks "why is that racist"
>explain the whole 'WHITE' title thing
>"Its white fang"
>teacher turns my booklets page
>FANG is at the top of the next page
>fucking regret it all

>fuck trying to fit in and be funny like that
asshole
>still makes me feel like shit

>>690671122
>neither one of us thought it was weird at the time
Double Trouble checked.
It wasn't weird at all. Young people should experiment more that way.

>>690684318
threw party and hid in room? no lols. pitying frown is the reaction you have made me react with my face