>>690557027
EL BUMPO

>never used tinder
>no stories

still interested in others' stories though

>>690557027
Tinder is 99% bot accounts and dudes fucking with other guys pretending to be women.

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>>690557027
>damn didn't see that coming
>inner beta intensifies

>>690558350
that's because you're not sexy as fuck

>>690558350
Probably true.. I just use it rarely, to kill time. never intend to arrange a date or stuff like that. Just got out with a girl once only. And cause she was 8/10 and she asked me.

I got one
>Be 2 weeks ago
>Chatting with grill hitting it off pretty well
> 7/10, likes vidya so 8/10
>Ask to meet up on a Sunday for Brunch
>"Sure Anon I can't wait to meet you!"
>Get pretty excited, but don't get my hopes up because bitches
>Sunday comes around
>"What time do you want to meet up?"
>No answer, unmatched or blocked

Fuck Tinder

>>690557027
you fucked up right after she asked you to meet. you should of just said yes and are you free tomorrow? we can go do (enter something here like coffee or a very open area so girl feels safe and talks to you easier)

if they dont give you their phone number then they arent being serious. it doesnt hurt to ask for their snapchat instead because some girls dont like giving their phone numbers out.

>on tinder
>meet grill 5 out of 10
>whatever.jpg
>say im only looking for casual sex
>shes down
>have fucked 5 times now in past few weeks
>anal on her period and mouth fucking
>always get to cum inside
Did good

>>690559565
First time I hit up a girl
"hey, this is sorta out of the blue, but did you wanna get coffee some time?"
"Sure, I wanted to hit up downtown disney and get some starbucks/people watch"
"I'm free tomorrow or friday if you can do either of those"
message next day "sorry, I just went out and did it last night"
Like, why bother responding to me

>>690559829
well played mister.
that is a good story to share

>>690560133
Yep. Only took TWO FUCKING YEARS of tinder to get it. 18 to 20 years old

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>>690557027
You called her cute after she called you sexy as fuck?

Seriously?

Way to make her feel like some average rando. You have to play into whatever fantasy their into at least a little bit to not make them hate you.

>>690560326
This

really interested on meeting people from abroad like you

wow... she must be frothing at the loins from that line

>>690560326
>have to play into whatever fantasy their into
right, but who truly knows the mind of a female?

>>690560326
Yeah, know that there was my fuck up.

>>690557027
>married, 9 years relationship
>life ain't that great and sex is bad since baby is born
>wife says fuck it, go do whatever you need to do but wear condom
>figured it's time to properly use tinder app I downloaded months ago
>lots of matches
>bothered working seriously on about 10 of em
>got me nowhere
>too lazy
>fap on porn as usual
>still swipe to see sexy grills
>will bother talking if they initiate conversation and will tell them I'm up for nsa straight away
>still fuck wife and see what life brings me

Only had two tinder matches actually work out. One with with a 7/10 South African girl. Stoner, single parent, extremely good at head and really fun to hang out with. Sadly her kid's dad decided to get back together with her and she dumped me. I don't blame her though, it's fair enough. The other match was with a pre op trans guy. Which was weird on it's own, but I figured, eh, why not? Had a few drinks with him and went back to his place to fuck afterwards. The sex was ok but the foreplay... Eating out a guy has to be the weirdest thing I've ever done hands down.

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Want full conversation?

>people on /b/ being capable of getting a match on Tinder

Must be nice living in a dreamland, OP

>>690561433
your banter is shit, so no

>be me
>meet girl on tinder home from college
>very submisive, just looking for some fun
>she picks me up and we drive to some randoms house, take a blanket to their back yard and i film her facefucking herself on my cock. I slap her around call her a dirty slut, fuck for a while, blow load. Get up, get dressed, drops me off. Feels good.

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>>690561561
Gets better

>>690561636
>lol
>lol
your banter is still shit, she's wiping the floor with you. i think thats a fake account, cause theres no way a girl is that good at cursing at other people

>>690561433
>>690561636
just... stop

>>690561636
>sole

>>690560870
Nobody

>>690561636

>"Gets better"
>doesn't get better

Is Badoo better than Tinder for quick shags?

>Gril: " so you want to meet up with me in person?"

All these insecure sluts want is validation that you want to fuck them.

>>690561895
you are actually just the worst at this

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>>690561895
>uses 'lol' after she explicitly mentions how fucking retarded it makes you look

>>690562062
Fuck no, I just deleted mine. It's dogshit.

Microtransactions out the arse, even asks you to buy credits to be able to send some a message at times. Plus the search and encounter features (like swiping in tinder) don't have any settings bar age and such. You will see a ton of girls who haven't even been on for years.

>>690561895
Writes like a retard, curses like a retard, spells like a retard, punctuates like a retard, syntaxes like a retard.
YEP, MUST BE A RETARD

>>690561895
fucking hell, just reply with something like 'i want to have hot hate fuck sex with you'

or at least post her pics

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>>690562387
Thanks for that. I will give it a miss then

>>690559829
The only real love story from tinder
>She let me do her in the butt

>>690561225
If he was pre op then how did you eat him out? Did you just suck his dick or eat out his ass? Either way you are a fag.

>>690563530
No dick, he had a vag. And no shit I'm a fag.

>>690561895
If I had this conversation with someone it would probably make me want to Fuck them even more.

>>690563601
i dont think you know how that works

>>690563601
So he was post op not pre op. And if he had a vag then its not gay.

>>690563821
>>690563810
Pre op guy. Girl to guy dipshits. Considering he had a beard and chest hair thicker than mine. That's gay.

>>690563821
I imagine it was a FTM trans rather than a MTF

>>690563932
Oh okay sorry for the misunderstanding. If you use FTM it's a lot easier to understand. And yeah that's gay af.

>>690563932
you mean pre op girl, youre the idiot, you said yourself "Girl to guy dipshits."

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>>690563932
even after surgery and hormones, a FTM is still a fucking female
what is so hard to understand about this?
mainstream media turnin you kids into mindless dolts that rehash their trash

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Still waiting on anon to finish this story.
The girl found out where he lived and showed up in the middle of the night a couple of times. never knew how it ended though.

>>690561895
please stop you are retarded

When I was on tinder two years ago I matached with a girl, had coffee, kissed on the first date. She came over to my place two nights later and we fucked. Fucked again that morning. She came over that night and a she let me do anal (I was her first anal too). Fuck her repeatedly for the next 18 months until I found a new girlfriend. Still fantasize about fucking her everytime I fuck my girlfriend.

>>690561433
>>690561636
>>690561895
>lol
Kill yourself

>>690565180
>kissed on the first date
Wow, that's rare on Tinder. Please tech me your ways

>>690565273
No magic advice I'm afraid. Just tease her, make her laugh and be confident. Also helps that she was a slutus maximus.

>>690564756

The 4mm thick layer of makeup probably fell off and took her face with it.

>>690557027
I made a thread about it the other day but I've had a good amount of stories for you fellas.

Made a chick pregnant, fucked a hot gamer Cali chick with a bf, convinced a gold digger I was rich AF and smashed, also fucked a hot sorority blondie and more after that. Interested?

>>690565767
Sure, go ahead with the prego, or whichever is funny and not just anonymous bragging

ive got not so good teeth but i dont want to open mouth smile in my pic on tinder wtf would i do if it was a first date

>>690557027
Damn, I had a Tinder account for two whole years, never matched once, and I was generous with the swipe rights.

Then figured out dating just won't happen for me.

>>690565767
Seriously fucking hate gold diggers, please tell

>>690566326
Wow!!! Even the fake accounts and the Russian camwhores didn't swipe right on you!!

>>690566326
how the fuck can you not get a match in two years? Even a dude in Antarctica managed to get a root off Tinder

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>>690566126
>>690565767
Sure thing boss, my buds think the cali chick one is funny so I'll start with that.

>Be me

>playing vidya and swiping on tinder

>See this beautiful unique woman, (zoey deschanel but younger and shorter is the closest I can describe)

>The type of girl that probably gets a 1000 messages a day

>Was high so I decided to give it a shot (I usually don't go for the ones that probably get a ton of attention but fuck it)

>Needed to stick out for the rest so I read about her profile and noticed she liked an artist I liked that wasn't very common to others

>Sent her a message about his music alone

>Mfw she replied 2 minutes later

>>690566565
Yeah pretty much

>>690566573
Probably because I'm pretty obese, 209lbs (95kg) on 5'11 (about 1.80m) and ugly to boot.
Fuck my own mom laughed at me when I said I'd try.

>>690566781
Nobody would laugh at you if you decided to lose the weight, >>>/fit/ will help you, if you want to.

>>690566658
>She agreed with my opinions and we got into a long convo about the music (Pogo was the artist)

>Started talking to her every night after work avoiding the fact that I liked her to keep her defenses down

>Turns out she was actually a pretty chill chick that liked vidya and smoking herb (also an attention whore though; beautiful selfies and cute beach body pics)


>Eventually talk about meeting, mentions she has a bf

>I was in over my head so I decided why not.

>>690566922
At the start of a battle against addiction and depression, am planning on hitting the gym but right now I'm focusing on learning to wake up before noon again.

Don't really want to go to look better, just want my lost strength back, years of inactivity has taken a toll.

>>690567043
>I drove over to her place and we met in a park to make sure we weren't creepy stalkers or anything

>She was so much more beautiful in person (cute shy attitude, petite beautiful body, and her face was my favorite she had big round eyes that light up a room and sexy red lipstick

>End up hanging out with her and her bf, (told the bf we met at work so I figured I have a shot)

>We all had fun and both of them loved my company! Super chill vibe and I had fun too

>Spent the next few weeks talking on tinder because I was busy with work

>>690567239
We're all gonna make it. Good luck bro.

>>690566781
95kg and 1.80m is not obese you fucking retard.

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>>690559626

>>690561433
>>690561636
>>690561895
lost so fucking hard

>>690560326
>their

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>>690561636
>sole

>>690567394
>We got into pretty intimate conversations and she started trusting me more and more each day

>invite both of them over to my place after a few more meetings together

>Smoked herb and played destiny

>Bf was the type of person that developed tunnel vision whenever he played

>Got really sucked into the game and ignored both of us

>She's mentioned this to me before BTW

>Decide to go make ramen in the kitchen with her and the bf kept playing (of course)

>Bring up our late night conversations while we're in the kitchen

>She started blushing and got visibly nervous/excited

>>690566781
95kg at 6 footish isn't that bad bro, just hit the gym hard for a few weeks. I'm sure you're not ugly either, just take better pics maybe. I'm 75kg at 6 foot (skinny af), and I can still slay on Tinder

>>690562062
Badoo is basically adware

>in Asia visiting long distance girlfriend
>told I'm handsome
>install Tinder to see how handsome I am
>40+ matches in a day
>pick one
>8/10, short pink hair, 5' tall
>meet up
>have lunch, watch movie, fuck around then grab dinner
>end up travelling to the other side of the country together two days later
>total nymph
>girlfriend finds out
>break up
>date Tinder chick instead
>ditch her country and go to Bali together
>fuck like rabbits for 10 days
>date for another 4 months

>>690567713
>Fuck it I'm going in

>Kiss her lips

>She let out this cute soft moan and kissed me back

>The way she looked at me after the kiss made me want more

>I got really close to her and started rubbing my jeans against hers

>She was shy but not resisting

>Had a feeling if I don't go full throttle she'll pull back

>I slowly lowered my hand into her jeans and started rubbing her pussy

>She got super fucking wet and I lowered my jeans and pulled my cock out through my boxerz

>Fast forward the lame foreplay

>I fucked her over the counter but it was really uncomfortable so I finished on the floor

>Got a little bit of cum on her shirt and got nervous the bf would notice

>Finished making the ramen and went back to playing destiny

>We fucked and met a ton of times later until she moved back to cali

>I miss her sometimes she was genuinely fun to hang out with.

>>690557027
>as you are really cute...
Do people really talk like that? Are you both Europeans learning English coz that'd be the only time stringing words like that together would be acceptable.

Next time just say not so bad yourself, so (insert place name) 8pm?

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>Be 22 using the Tinders
>Living with my Dad - he's back in the game. On the Tinders too.
>Snag meeself some horny milf. Rich AF start pounding that cougar pussy. Huge house on the river.
>Fast forward about a month. The old boy has hooked some slart and is over her house "knocking the back of her head out" according to text.
>Cool dad proud of his conquests
>Sends me a pic of him smoking a joint on her balcony post root
>Same balcony as milf I've been destroying
>Send text to dad saying lol you old cunt you just got my sloppy seconds
>pic related - sent it with text

>>690568334
Post her pic

>talk to gril
>seems normal, wearing dresses and girl shit in pictures
>go to pizza place
>she wears a button down man shirt nearly identical to the seat upholstery, only a slightly smaller checkerboard look
>try to make conversation but keep getting sick because the pattern contrast
>shes not bad at chatting, cute when i looked past the pattern but can't stop looking at it
>total faggot, never talk to her again and stop using tindr because i think it's a bunch of dykes pretending to be cute on the app to get pizza and dress like a well-coordinated-to-the-decor ogre to deter me from pursuing her

>>690568578
Nah, her bf lurks and I Dont feel like dealing with that drama, especially since I have a gf now

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>>690565414

>>690568673
Roger that boss

>>690561895
Ahahahahahha the last 2 lines, you are great

>>690568741
I appreciate your understanding, tinder is a lot easier when you don't let them know you like them.

>>690561954
Lol. That's totally untrue. Women are stupid, and predictable animals that can be easily controlled and manipulated.

The idea that they're mystical creatures that just can't be figured out is fucking retarded. It's almost as retarded as they are.

>>690561895

You're getting r3kt.

It's not even funny.

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>>690557027

Most of the girls on tinder are crazy as hell. I had it for a while and fucked 10 or so girls ranging from a decent 6 to a solid 9. Most of them were 1 and done since they would pretty much end up being bat shit crazy so I dipped to the next 1. But yes sometimes it looks like it's going well then they randomly stop responding or something so I just cut it and delete them. It's mostly bots now so I stopped using it. I did have some wild sex while it was still a decent app though. Probably have an illegitimate child somewhere from it now smh.

>>690561895
POST THE REST GOD DAMMIT

>>690569474
Dude SERIOUSFUCKINGLY every chick ived fucked on tinder wouldn't show their crazy side until after you tapped. Also I think I might have a kid -_- have gf that I love now and always get paranoid it'll all come back to bite me.

>>690569024
so.. how do they work and think?

>>690569751
Same way as you. Faggot.

>>690569829
Jokes on you, I don't have a job and don't tend to think a lot

>>690569906
Dammit

>>690569906
Fucking kek'd

>>690569906
10/10 reply. Get rekt

>>690557027
Amazing how fickle bitches are. Any slight miscalculation to her emotions and it's over.

So after losing my gf of 5 years back in february, i thought i might as well give it a shot.
I wish I had some good stories to tell but literally every single girl who is attractive and interesting seems to stop talking after a day or too.
There was a stunning Asian girl, 9/10, jaw-dropping body, into Dota, studying video games course, really hitting it off, then bam - gone.
Why does this keep happening?
I can't really be fucked anymore since it seems like a waste of time.
It also seems to do a great job of finding your girls who were in your 15mile radius 5 years ago but are now on the other side of the country.

/rant

>>690557027
ITT: bots, scams and catfish stories

>>690572463
>seems to stop talking after a day
Strike the iron while it's hot. If it goes great ask her out right away, why spend ages texting with a stranger? You already like each other, so meet each other.

>>690561193
why is sex bad after the baby?

>>690568423
i hope you high five´d him when he came back at home

>match with cute lightskin grill
>ask her if she is going to FestU this night
>yes
>texts and says her phone was about to die
>she switched to her friends phone to text me

at this point I understood she was really interested

>meet her and her friend at Gasquens dancefloor
>dance with her and friend leaves
>grab her cheeks and make out
>push her to the wall and feel her ass inside her pants
>she grabs my dick under my jeans. I usually dont do this kind of shit on the dancefloor but was so drunk and according to my bros this went on for two hours
>"lets go to my place" i say
some bros followed home because they were staying at my place that night. She still followed back home
>smash that fine lightskinned ass real good

after that she kept coming back for more dick. Saw her longterm boyfriend at school several times

>>690568423
Hahahahahaha. Fucking hell.

>>690563715
Its a guy..

>>690560326
This

OP don't realize he got no game

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Works a lot of the time

>>690557027
Bump
boring stories are boring
no one wants to hear the fantasy of how you "totally fucked those 11/10 chicks" (not op, other /b/otatos)
give a good fucking story

>be me
>21
>match with Chinese girl, looks 7/10 in photo
>end up going meeting up to go to the local zoo
>5/10 IRL, pretty disappointed
>she is an interior designer, I'm a bartender
>she pays my ticket in
>we walk in together, I say thanks and walk away from her
>did the whole park without seeing her at all.
>saw a zebra

It was a good day

>>690576248
you got that line from /r/tinder

>haha as reply
cringeworty af.

>>690560870
https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3pltm2/humansockpuppets_guide_to_managing_your_bitches/

>>690576616
Ice cold

>>690557027
Picked up a chick with exclusively food-based pick up lines/puns.
She's a qt philli who says "no hook ups" on her profile. We are meeting up in Vancouver this week to go on a day date.

>Baby I want to strip you down like an artichoke and get to your heart
her reply:
>Will you peas calm down... dont kale my vibe.

Definitely GF material.

>>690568423

>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

>>690573697
Pic of her you lucky bastard

>>690557027
grow balls and hack tinder in order to retrieve her info

>>690558350
Hahah no.

Wasn't tinder but it was a similar dating app thats used in my country. I was using Tinder at the time to (had some phase where I just constantly wanted to interact with girls (as opposed to my usual NEET phase))

>Sitting in class
>Get message notification from some girl
>Looks pretty hot, only has 1 photo though so I cant tell
>We start talking, she seems really interested in me. I didn't really get any matches on this app (not a big deal since I got a lot of matches on Tinder) so I'm suspicious
>Adds me on WhatsApp, we talk there.
>We start talking daily. I ask her for more pics/proof she's real.
>She looks hot as FUCK in her other pics. I can't believe this is real
>I ask for more proof she's real, I'm getting paranoid that she's either a) a catfish b) tha popo c)underage
>Eventually she starts calling me every time she gets home because she gets home late and her parents are out and she wants to make sure shes talking to someone in case of burglars or some shit
>Voice sounds legit
>We start talking about meeting up
>She has to study for super exams in our country, really big deal here. She doesn't want to meet until she finishes so I don't distract her.
>In the meantime we play LoL (her idea, not mine, I didnt play that shit)
>She's pretty good for a girl. Gold league and plays solo mid and ganks a lot, not a support bitch. I'm pretty impressed
>We are still talking every day on WhatsApp, no long phone calls or anything though
>We have really good "chemistry" (not that it's hard to have chemistry with someone tbh)
>It gets to the point where one day (before we've even met) she says "anon the way we talk seems like we are headed for something. I just wanted to let you know, I'm dont want that"
>holy shit, did I just get friendzoned already
>thisismyplasticfork.jpg
>I'm sort of sad because she was hot as fuck, cool as fuck, good at video games
>I cant remember if I showed this or if I tried to act cool
>As I'm reacting she clears things up

>>690579834
>I misunderstood
>She wants to "have fun" with me, but doesn't want a relationship because she says she has a habit of cheating
>I'm fuckzoned?
>Never been fuckzoned before, still sort of sad that she already dismissed the possibility of dating
>Whatever, get over it
>Finally about a month has passed since we started speaking, her exam period is over. I think one of our long chats distracted her from one of her tests and she bombed it.
>We finally make plans to meet up.
>Day that we are going to meet up I ask if we can Skype video (I asked this before but she kept saying no)
>She gets on cam, she's with her friend
>She's fucking real, not a cop, not ugly as fuck, just the exact girl I've been hoping I've been talking to
>We meet up
>Immediately hit it off, light physical touching pretty quickly
>We got to a bar first, then to two different clubs, getting drinks at each place
>We go to this park
>She pulls out a bottle of wine she had in her purse that she bought before coming here
>We both take turns drinking, get pretty drunk
>We are talking, eventually we start making out
>Holy shit how is this happening to me
>She has to go home, it's late now
>Offer to ride the bus with her and walk her home
>We're both completely wasted, she's making out with my neck or some shit on the bus while I'm trying to look sober as I can so the group of minorities next to me don't try anything (it's several hours into the AM)
>Get off at her stop
>Walk her home
>She doesnt want me to walk her all the way in case her parents see me
>I stop at the beginning of her block
>After she goes inside I hear a motorcycle behind me, it's her mom
>Barely missed her seeing me by a couple seconds

Is there a way i can use tinder without my girlfriend ever knowing? or anybody i know for that matter? like i only appear visible to girls i like? (hopefully another answer than make another facebook)

>>690579862
>Go home, over the next few days I'm happy as fuck
>Make plans to meet again, potentially at my house to make drinks
>Suddenly, my dad has to go to the hospital, it's really serious, has to get surgery and shit removed, could have been fatal
>During this time I'm sleeping at the hospital room with him, not really getting much sleep cause nurses come every 30 minutes
>This girl is still talking to me on WhatsApp
>She wants to meet up
>Explain to her my dad is in the hospital
>She doesn't seem to care at all, doesn't even acknowledge it or say anything nice about it
>Eventually she stops messaging me for a few days
>Ask her what is going on, kind of long messages. Still no response.
>Figured that's finally over with
>Still at the hospital, one night she finally replies, seems to be a legit reason why she couldnt talk to me IIRC
>Nothing really changes though, we stop talking as much
>Eventually my dad finally gets out
>Start talking to her again, we play LoL some more but still don't talk so much
>She wants to meet up again
>I raincheck. All my NEET energy reserves are used up, I have no desire to do anything besides play video games. Never see her again.
>The End

Sorry guys no sex LOL

>>690580229
>690580229▶
>Is there a way i can use tinder without my girlfriend
BUMP!

>>690568673
ah fuckin lies

>>690568673
faggot