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>>690334304
I help the helpless navigate through the digital age by keeping them away from it.

>>690334719
>give a homeless person a choice: foodstamps or drugs
>drugs
>amidoinitright.bmp

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Probably one of the best marijuana growers in texas. Learned in cali years ago

>>690334953
thats some good lookin marijuana m8

>>690334953
is that a "spacebucket"? heard about those recently.

I have a bf and a job and I DON'T have autism

>>690334906
need proof myself because they've been dropping like bad rhymes around here.
>people drive really shitty/shit-faced

When I was five, I pushed this kid off a bridge during a field trip and he died.

>>690334304
i stuck my dick in a vacuum at work today for a while

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I debate suicide multiple times a day.

>>690334304
I'm 23 and a chef
>>inb4 wendy's
Fuck you, I'm a real chef.

I once thought the guinea pig was a chinchilla

I put him on the dust bath while he just stares at me

>>690335260
Ridiculous claims, you knob. We already know that about you.

>>690335136
Thanks that's my latest batch of mushrooms going on
>>690335209
Nah that's a monotub to grow mushrooms. Don't do a space bucket it's a waste of time. Just go recirculating deep water culture

Used to be a pimp. Thinking about doing it again

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>>690334304
I sucked off my dads cock and it tasted my grandpas ass

>>690335486
I had the opportunity. I knew a girl that was willing and wanted me to be her pimp for safety reasons. I just couldn't do it. I'm not a pussy or anything. I'm a bigger dude and most people wouldn't mess with me because of my size, but I couldn't watch a poor girl being taken advantage of. That could've been my sister or maybe my daughter one day

>>690335862
You get the fuck out of here.

I fucked my sister

>>690335225
Gay?

>>690335862
This post was an anonymous claiming to be a member of Tycho.

>>690335798
I started because of a girl dragging me into it. She had been doing it for years. It really isn't a protection job.. I did it for years. Very little spillage. Just don't see blacks or "Dominicans".. They are black too.

>>690334304
>Meet a girl on omegle from a third world country.
>Go meet her in the country.
>She's batshit.
>I've made a huge mistake.
>Don't break up with her.
>She comes to the US with her mother.
>Parents hate her because she's awful in every way.
>Parents kick her and her mom out. We all go live in my apartment for the rest of their month-long stay.
>Go live with her for six months.
>Try breaking up with her twice.
>She attempts suicide both times.
>Come back.
>Break up over skype.
>Get back together six months later.
>She comes to live with me.
>whathaveidone.png
>Cannot get rid of her.
>No one knows she's living with me.

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I came so hard on a MILF's back that I had to take 2 huge towels to clean it all off.

They were both completely drenched.

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>>690336325
no it wasn't.

I'm a bisexual transman.

>>690334304
Fuck traps constantly, haven't felt a genuine emotion in years.

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i clip my toenails and clean my ears out regularly

>>690336443
bull shit even peter north loads can be cleaned up with one towel.

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>>690336840

I was shocked myself.

I fought cocks with an Indonesian prince when I was 7

I'm 16 and I could walk into any large company in the world and get a job. (I have several Comptia certifications)

>>690335260
lol ok dude, life must be so rough thinkin such scawwy thoughts! really try or get over it you pussy, ive done both

>>690337648
>Is 16
>Is on /b/
> /admits/ to being 16
>smh

I'm not a virgin

I was chased by an underage prostitute all the way back to the train station (Centraal Station, kek) when I visited Amsterdam (Europe) alone, when I was 16.

I almost drowned when I was 3. I blacked out underwater at a pool party my family went to and someone gave me mouth to mouth and saved me

I've also been sued by a customer when I worked retail

>>690337917
Prove it faggot.

>>690336268
Nope, grill

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I'm German.

>>690338959
Tits with timestamp. You know the rules.

>>690334304
Got yanked off my ship midway through UNREP near the bow. First off, my greatest fear in the Navy was getting chewed up by props or turbines if I ever went overboard. Low and behold, the 5 asshats in front of me decide to let go because their wimpy digits had minor rope burn and I had a death grip. Needless to say but I was shitting myself in mid-flight, falling down in between two big fucking glorified meat shredders. I hit water, knocked the air out of me and after making it to the surface I was assailed by fucking big waves, scared to death I'd be either paste on a hull or chum bait. I survived and UNREP was halted while I floated aimlessly with my vests strobe light annoying the shit out of me before rescue.

was molested 4 times in my life, when i was three from an uncle, when i was seven and eight by the next door neighbor. when i was 11 by a teacher and when i was 13 by my psychiatrist. shitty start at life.

I got accepted into a high tech enginering university course by some mistake and I've been studying it for almost two years.

>>690334304
Have photographed rock legends ama

I am in a cult

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>>690339156

>>690340097
oh, cool

>>690340097
Show the nips.

I'm currently in my first relationship ever and it has already lasted over half a year. She's a girl AND she's real. I know that's a big deal around here.

I spent 2004-2013 writing the next biggest Teen book series since Harry Potter. It's 4400 pages long and 11 volumes. I built it on the same literary blueprint as the Odyssey, LOTR, Star Wars, the hunger games, the matrix and H.P.

I got dubs once

>>690335260
Everyone that goes to /b/ does that. You ain't special.

My IQ is 156.

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>>690340692
how'd u do that?

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>>690340097
Why is it backwards. Let's see the nipple plz

>>690334304
I'm a girl on the internet

>>690339325
Learn to count fucktard.

>>690336424
I feel so fucking bad for you. Not even joking.

I have a gf

>>690334304
I was captain of the football team and won bunch of awards in highschool, and always fucked the head cheerleader.
Now I'm a doctor and I'm married to her, but I still find time to go the gym and manage to still be in perfect shape.

In the 90's I was one of the top mariokart players in the UK. Ended up 3rd place and won a gameboy colour and crate of Dr pepper

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>>690335225
>>690340097
alright, then i'm gonna have to assume you have unsightly tattoos or some kind of gamer girl self-identification deal.

My Bacon-Erdős Number is a single digit, and lower than Natalie Portman's AND Colin Firth's.

>>690341146
lolsuit when i was injured as a baby, stupid part is that I need permission to withdraw it, I'm almost 20 and il I've managed to use it for is my rent

>>690338959
george foreman i hope you fucking faggot?

>>690334304
I'm a mathematician working on the edge of knowledge of a certain field.

>>690342236
>Bacon-Erdős Number
i had to look that up, then Erdos
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Erd%C5%91s

>>690342426
so permission from whom? even after being 18???? when is permission not necessary?

Ive had close encounters of the 4th kind on two separate occasions in my life.

>>690337648
MODS

>>690342698
>so permission from whom?
trust fund people
>even after being 18????
indeed
>when is permission not necessary?
I get the third when I turn 25

>>690336424

youre an idiot for falling back into that bullshit

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>>690342698
when he asks for permission for not to be necessary

>>690342753
Pls describe (in detail.if u can)

>>690342236
Which fields are your papers in?

>>690341779
At one point, I was ranked 9th for my time trial for rainbow road on mario kart wii. Only lasted a few days since people were always coming up with new stats and perfecting it

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>>690334304
I played runescape for the quests.

>>690342900
kill yourself

I'm a football jock and (which I have been told) I'm popular and yet I'm come to this shit hole and am a nerd.

i use reddit xdd

>>690334304
One the greatest sportswoman of my country is in my family

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>>690334304
I puked into an empty beer bottle without spilling a drop

I'm stuck in bronze 5 and its not my fault.

Fucked your mom.

>>690343720
Same, my cousin plays for the USA lacross team and is now part of a professional team

>>690343647

wow so hard to believe

im an honest and humble 9/10 but i still lurk non stop on this site and do bullshit that doesnt get me laid

>>690343647
similar, I was a 2-year starter on my varsity team. I fucked up bad

I have flossed my teeth more times than I have masturbated.

>>690343720

Caitlyn Jenner?

>>690343983
I've never met a man that flossed 4 times a day, congrats bro

>>690336443
Vault boy as fuck

>>690343281
First time I was 12-14 walking home late at night from 7/11 witha slurpy. I suddenly felt a huge surge hit my back and I instictively looked up and to the left, to the second floor window of the house I was passing.

I then saw two large, oval shaped heads, silhouetted by a pale blue light, similar to tv static.

I felt like an ant. I have only ever felt like that at one oither point, so small and powerless and insignificant (the other time being my second encounter).

I began to cross to the other side of the street, not breaking vision of the two beings watching me from the house. I got home and played Brood War till dawn because I was too terrified to sleep.

Second time was in the moujntains of banff national park. that time I was wide awake, and 3 beings began to materialize around me because I saild alloud I was ready for whatever was next.

The air started to buzz, and I could feel a huge power/static going through my brain. As I noticed these three beings materialize around me (about 4 8' or so) I freaked the fuck out and shoved my head into my arms and screamed "Im not ready" because it felt like lightning was going through my brain and the room.

>>690341419
what are you talking about? that 4 different times, or has counting changed recently, if so that's a massive deal, maybe you should tell more people about it.

>>690343906
No bigger than lacrosse
And the very best at it for years

ive had a threesome with two asian massage chicks, one of them finger banged my asshole without my permission and i just accepted it like a little bitch

I am 24 years old

ive been addicted to opiated for 11 years now.

i have a kid, a wife that loves me. an OK job. but nothing at all compares to the sweet sweet opiates.

ill prolly get hooked on heroin and i hope that puts me out of my misery

I survived a bear attack by snapping its jaw and then punching it in its cunt

>>690344029
No I'm French

>>690344063
ayy lmao

>>690343934
>>690343970
I'm looking at college, I grew up on all of that good stuff (MTG, games with story content, ext))

Another outrageous claim is I have a size 19 shoe

>>690340482
Hello Andrew

>>690340482
what is it

>>690344063
Do you smoke that reefer, son?

i'm scared of sex

>>690340482

Fan fiction doesn't count.

>>690340482
which?

>>690344054
wow that meme is spreading already? When is that fag OP going to go Vault boy and message the girl back

>>690335240
Were you punished?

Approx. ten years I stabbed a fly that landed by my homework with a no. 2 pencil. I and my father who witnessed it know that I'll never pull that off again.

>>690344162
how the fuck does that even start? i don't think i've ever been in the same room as any opiate.

>>690344054
My nigga

>>690344162
How did you get addicted so young?

i did the sex

>>690340482

James Dashner?

I have only eaten plain white rice for the last 10 years of my life, and have only drank Vitamin D milk

>>690339325
lmao what the fuck

>>690343934
Oh and also I don't get laid at all, I'm not one of those top of the food chain jocks but they still keep me around. I'm to big, bottom line is girls have told me they are scared I would "break them" feels bad man

I've personally met a terrorist with multiple confirmed kills

>>690344853
Does your body look normal?

>>690344619
When I was a young boy I didnt, but during the events of the second time I was.

Honestly though, Ive always had weird shit happen to me. Grew up in a haunted house, weird shit just happened to me my entire life.

>>690340482
Just because it's long doesn't mean it's going to be any good

I'm Jesus Christ.

>>690336045
I fucked your sister, too

>>690345052
Also Check em.

>>690334304
I have drained a human body of blood.

>>690344914
Domestic terrorist or allah uakbar terrorist?

>>690345052
Are you Spanish/Mexican?

>>690344964
Like?

>>690344938
define "normal"

>>690345052
>>690345113
Weak

I'm in a branch of the military (I will not disclose which branch for my own safety) I had a hand in the planning and execution of two genocides in Africa. I really can't say anything more than that.

I got dubs

>>690344853
Are you a chink?

>>690345369
no, rice is just cheap

I retired at 49 to a lake home, and receive 46K per year to live on.

>>690344964
I mean, I did have to ask, but honestly I've seen a light in the sky pass overhead at enormous speeds, a great distance away. It literally slowed to a complete halt and then turned around after about a minute. It is the only thing I have ever witnessed that I have no explanation for. I saw it at nighttime when I was 15, so I was completely sober at the time.

>>690345137
IRA

>>690345420
So you're an African nigger then

>>690337648
MODS MODS MODS

>>690335485
I'm from van can you teach how to grow them I've always wanted to try

>>690335240
Story? Was it nerve gas?

>>690340097
well we know that job isnt technical or you'd have the rudimentary knowledge of how to horizontally flip an image.

I am highly successful and browse /b / to let my inner degenerate run amok.

I make 150k a year after taxes with no college degree. My job is essentially to stand around and watch other people work.

>>690345324
So, killing niggers is your job? Are you Moonman?

>>690345573
no, im a mix of random European shit. I just like to save money

>>690345519
where?

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>>690345324
Anything else illegal?

>>690345647
Lucky son of a bitch

>>690337648
Your not invited in here fag

Mods

>>690337648
LoL, being 16 with a few CompTIA cert's isn't that impressive

>>690344063
liar or mentally ill. That's not a question.

>>690345647
Union president?

I fucked lights poxleitner in like 2008.

>>690345710
Living in Greece?

i always get dubs

>>690345666
>>690345721
I can tell you the President at the time knew about both objectives.

>>690345716
He got out of the IRA and moved to the US and became a family friend

>>690334953
what part of Texas? 817 here

>>690343749
Fuck you

I recorded with a gold record producer and he said I was one of the best musicians he ever worked with.

>>690345814
im an amerifag

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>>690345629
at least define highly successful in specifics?

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>>690345844
You...

>>690345762
Nope. Inspector in the oil and gas industry.

>>690345892
I bet he says that to all the shit ones.

>>690345892
I bet he says that to every one

I can prove that having a big shoe doesn't mean you have a big dick

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I'm a psychic who has learned quite a deal about fish

>>690345861
He got out after the Good Friday Agreement or before?
How many U.K. Soldiers and paramilitaries did he kill?

>>690339325
You must be giving off some kind of "I'm a victim, abuse me" vibe. People see you walk into a room and they know they can fuck with you. Sort your life out, man.

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>>690346002
You wound me anon...

>>690345990

Double nigger?

>>690345844

that's great, me too.

I once broke this retarded kids jaw with an arm cast

>>690341376
I WANT TO SEE YOUR VAGINA

>>690346053
>psychic
>true
Pick one

>>690345866

>817

Me too. Been a hot humid bitch around here the last few days.

I once got my jaw broken by this faggot in a cast

But jokes on him, i jacked him off when he was sleeping

>>690341376
Gold Rule
You want attention for being a girl? Tits or gtfo

>>690346189
You cant even hear let alone see

>>690334304
I have no emotions.

>>690339975
Is it the Catholic Church? You didn't mention if it's a pedophile sex cult, but I'm guessing you're Catholic

I have learned the ways of the vagina

>>690346275
>>690346127
kek

I've had consensual sex with a woman.

my uncle has two academy awards

>>690336443
That is my dream, my gf has a iud so I want to flood her like she was walking over one of those spraying floor things at the water parks.

>>690343505
Hi sam

>>690346296
Have you been cruel to animals yet?

I'm 42 years old, unemployed and I live in my mother's attic.

My uncle touches me at night... IH SHIT HE IS COMING SEND HELP HELP ME ANONS HGHN/L;avhbub hqnl/'bn nHBOUDQBG[

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>>690346372
>consensual
what kind of person goes on the internet and tells lies

My uncle at one point of his life was Donald Trumps personal Baker. It's now a big deal because the man's running for president.

>>690346081
He got out before the Good Friday Agreement, but I'm not sure how many he killed, but I know he set car bombs multiple times

>>690343505
the quests were actually decent though

Healthcare tech back in the day, had a patient with multiple personality disorder, a true rare case. Read her mail that she wanted me to send out. It wasn't even to areal person. So i got curious and called her room a few days later pretending to be this person she was writing. I realize it was a weird thing to do in retrospect, i thought in some strange way i could help her talk some shit out.

>>690339325

and you are a faggot today. obviously everybody always knew this about you. you were always a fag magnet for a reason.

>>690346626
In Northern Ireland only or in England as well?
Did he experience the H-blocks?

>>690341652
How'd she hold up

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>>690345846
Sounds like a good guy. Third worlders can't have the same standard of living as us, it's just how the world works. Limited amount of resources, can't give everyone fibre optic internet and Mercedes cars.

>>690343374
Quantum Chemistry: published in J. Phys. Chem. I'm nothing special at all in the field, but my co-author is a MONSTER, and he's the link to Erdős.

>>690337648
Whats comptia

My IQ is somewhere above 180.

>>690346506
This is obviously a lie. If it were true you would have killed yourself long ago.

>>690346986
Internet IQ tests are not the same as IQ test administered by psychologist you fucking moron.

>>690334304
I'm Mike Tyson

>>690347099
dubs confirms. this fagot is a nigger.

>>690346815
He never went to prison, and he did the bombings in Northern Ireland only

>>690346883
The land was needed, the tribes refused to leave. The military can be bought, and so can the leader of the free world. I'd give anything to take away the faces from my dreams though.

I once broke into my neighbors house (he was a freshman then, I was a junior) to look for drugs because I knew he was a pothead dipshit, found his room, and his "hiding spot" for drugs and stuff in under 2 minutes, weed bag was empty except for tiniest amount, 3 pills of some shit that I don't even remember what it was, was kinda mad, stole his parents gallon bottle of vodka and a few beers lel. I was 17 then, still never smoked weed go this day because he was all out.

>>690347218
false

>>690346964
Company that offers certifications for IT related work (take the test, get certificate that says you know the shit on the test). Indicates credentials for typically entry-level stuff considering that without experience your certs don't mean a whole lot as it's at a strictly fundamental/hypothetical level.

>>690347177
Dubs confirming dubs! This is the blackest nigger of all time!

>>690347096
It wasn't an internet test.

Another claim: I seriously wish I was just slightly a tiny bit above average, regarding intelligence. Not way up.

>>690345866
Is your name Tanner?

>>690347235
What's his opinion on Stormont and NI politics?
Still Sinn Fein as fuck or more moderate?

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Part of me is dead and buried in the ground.

I had a 13 yr old girl pregnant when I was 13,i was the quickest white boy in the UK over 100metres at u16 level
I was in the top 5 100metre freestyle swimmers in UK when. 17
I played for England colts u16 rugby team
I also played for U18 county football team
I was offered a contract to play for a well known English premier league rugby team
Ruptured my cruciate in my left knee so badly had to give up sport