>>689512002
What's the issue faggot?

What's up anon

>>689512097
I am alone. I can't talk about the things that are really wrong, with most people. I know people call it "existential crisis"... but I can't get over how guilty I am. And doctors won't stop throwing anti psychotics at me everytime i open my mouth. I'm scared.

So you are lonely, you feel guilty and are taking a lot of meds.

Why?

I have developed horribly debilitating anxiety over it. But noone wilm treat me for anxiety alone. It gets to where my chest and arms hurt and I see stars and I have to sit down.

>>689512373
No meds. Lots of supplements though. I'm alone because I can't talk candidly with anyone and I'm guilty everything is wrong. Everything is...wrong.

My sister had to go to the hospital a couple of times for serious anxiety attacks, but I can't really give you any useful advice.

Why did you develop such horrible anxiety? You mentioned existential crisis earlier, but I don't think that's it.

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>>689512002
>>689512002
post the whole story of your misery.

Drop acid get on boards shit post like a campion

>>689512002
Do martial arts.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCAcFAVzF-c [Embed]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B4Rf7Lx-33I [Embed]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvmczzIN7RY [Embed]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cVGj96ARiYo [Embed]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXfpyd7nn1A [Embed]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NTk2C0vVMLs [Embed]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDaq6Fu1vGc [Embed]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=StxEQfp3gYk [Embed]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=au_0oNbTYSU [Embed]


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjJoeSZx3aY [Embed]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vv6eLRle-ug [Embed]

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>>689512002
eat some pizza, have an ice cream. jerk off and go to sleep. stop being a crisis faggot.

>>689512002
>>689512897

It's been scientifically proven that exercise improves mood, and combats negative emotions.

What better way to exercise than to do something highly entertaining like practicing martial arts and or combat sports?

My practicing martial arts and or combat sports, not only do you exercise, which improves mood, you get in shape, which makes your body look good, which improves self esteem, and you develop a badass skill, all while having tons of fun.

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>>689512264

>>689512642
Because I know. I know....that the treatments are a joke and they keep calling them "cardiac events" because they don't want to pony up and stop me from having a full blown stroke. I am going to have a heart attack and die (or some goddam thing) while a circle of physicians sit around me stoking their dicks.

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>>689512002

>>689512868

she cheated on you, ok
sex isnt that great, specially if you do it all the time with the same person
Try fucking another grills you too

>>689512903
I can't physically do any of those things. Stop being an edgy twat.

>>689513092
>first
>rock bottom

An info graph isn't going to help this time, anon.

>>689512903
>eat some pizza, have an ice cream. jerk off and go to sleep.
Not OP, but I've eaten pizza, eaten some ice cream and cake (or) pie, drink soda, and then go to sleep.
I use to eat very healthily.

>>689512725
I really want to. But its huge and its real and I am afraid to be torn apart

>>689513377
checked.

>An info graph isn't going to help this time, anon.
Maybe if I made an info graph more suited for you, but I don't care enough.
But I wish I cared enough.

Just keep on trucking, because it can't get better if you're dead.

>>689512002
Please don't ever use that , u are a disgrace , this is patended and u will be prosecuted

Okay here goes. I was born out of wedlock. Parents both party animals, didn't stick together two months after I was born. Grandparents raised me first ten years. No big deal, no abuse shit like that. But grew up realizing adults are LESS trustworthy than children if only because children can't lie as well. Call it trust issues... as far as I'm concerned its a fact.

Also I have no parental type, "I'm sick and I just want someone to tell me its okay" role models. Both grandparents died and I said fuck the spark donors long ago...

Continue?

>>689513495
Thank you anon. Seriously thanks.

>>689513165
This is true. Thank you very much.

>>689513853
If you keep saying continue? Then I will assume you are an attention seeker rather than a fellow depressed anon and I will stop reading because I don't like attention whores who use depression as a tool.

>>689514171
I'm checking if anyone is still interested or has advice on key parts of my life without blowing the whole wad if no one is even listening. I'm sorry.

>>689514297
No offence intended if it isn't accurate

Next.

At about ten my mother married, and I went to live with her and step dad. Que up stereo spaghetti teenager, extremely conservative mother, and step father who is to soft hearted to tell his wife she is overreacting to normal growing pains.

Needless to say my self image was absolutely shot. I became a social whore...spent almost no time at home, did drugs...but got good grades so that my parents had nothing to ever talk to me about.

Lots of little run ins with the law. But they always thought I was a "good kid" and let me off more or less.

Believe it or not it gave me a strong respect for authority and when I turned 18 I enlisted because I needed something to help turn my life around.

The guilt started in the military. I am not going to entertain you all too much--but you would not believe what goes on when no one is looking. I still don't, and I watched it happen. Sleep started to disappear, appetite stopped...I became in such a way so fast that I had to take an emergency cargo plane over seas to be checked into a hospital.

It was downhill from there. They started pumping me with medications and rhetoric and I have never been the same since. That was seven years ago.

Any questions yet, anyone?

I can't offer much in the way of practical advice Anon, as my own head is a shitstorm as it is, but I really hope you'll pull through.

"That which doesn't kill us, makes us stranger."

My heart never had a single problem But then one day some psychiatrist shotgunned me with three different anti psychotics that it turns out are the same "class" of medication (they never tell you this stuff) I overdosed taking my medications as prescribed. I nearly died from a heart attack and this military badass I used to be is on doctors orders not to use stairs or have sex...brcause I could die...because I asked them for help when I couldn't trust my own mind.

The shrink who prescribed was in charge of a public service clinic and had been a doctor some 20 years. He was let go two weeks after my incident.

The last time I was in a psychward I left with phenobarbital withdrawls and a broken hand wrapped in gauze. From a lockdown ward. They wouldn't admit my hand was broken until the bones were too fused to fix.

The military kept my disability on hold for five years, while I struggled physically and mentally broken.

They decided to give it to me last year after an officer arrested me for "improper transport of a firearm" in a vehicle that I was living in...in the middle of the woods. My dads rifle, only thing I had of his...melted down.

They sent me to a psychward again. Involuntary. I had to CRAWL out of there...tooth and nail. I got back and everything of value had been taken from my vehicle, and the police lost the keys. (They locked it)

God decided I should get a miracle, and out of the blue someone offered me a job. So the police put out a bench warrant for my arrest, for the "crime" they already arrested me for because, "thr prosecutor JUST got around to looking for it.

Lost the job and they threw me in jail. For trying to improvr my life

(Well, and stole from a homeless vet, but who is counting right??)

>>689516860
Oh I forgot to mention. The held disability turned out to be the same amount as court, booking, jail, and fine fees.

I'm not trying to whore but is anyone still listening?

>>689516860
Oh the car eventually got towed because I couldn't move it. Obviously couldn't get it out of hawk...so no car either.

Anyway now I just am starting to feel like a whiny bitch but basically there is NO safety net. I am going to die alone, in a room full of people, and no one will care.

Fuck feels better to get it off my chest. Please don't Sherlock all those details and dox my ass.

>>689512002
Keep going I'm not going anywhere soon.

I skipped over the part where family members used me as an invalid to have bragging rights and gossip fodder because I assume that happens to most people.

The reason I mention it though is because they did that to me...for not even something as substantial as monetary gain. Then when my grandparents got sick...I was passed around like a poker chip. "Who can look like they care most about sick family members".

If my self image wasn't gone before, it went subzero. I was suddenly this schizophrenic who couldn't be trusted alone in a room with a puppy or someone's purse or a child....you get the idea.

Then when my grandparents started dying I got tossed out because I was no longer fun. Yes, that is the actual reason.

As my grandfather. The only man I'd ever loved lay dying. I wasn't allowed in the house because the orderlies had been told I was a dangerous psych.

I lived in the woods outside his house for a week..watching my entire family cart in and out...one at a time. Because they hate eachother so much none of them could stand to be in the same room.

lost all interest when you joined the military.
baby killer.
you deserve to live in pain.

Then one night about three am...I got this amazingly intense feeling. I rushed to the house. No one was awake so I just walked in. My grandfather was there. "Awake". Not in the traditional sense. To anyone else he might look like a vegetable. But to close family the movements of his eyes and mouth were familiar. I could tell he noticed me. I sat there and told him everything would be okay. I promised him I would keep going. And then he died. Just like that. He had waited in a state of near drowning conciousness...just for me.

Don't think I've ever been so sad. But I barely cried.

>>689518960
No one deserves to live in pain you out of touch child, but I am anyway.

So anyway. Everything anchoring me disappeared. Its like when people say that if you're ready to commit suicide...the world is your oyster. Sure it was. A big, nasty, shit covered poop diamond.

I walked around for weeks. Me and a backpack. I knew how to be homeless with shelter...but this time, I would just stop whenever I got to tired to walk, and sleep.

Remember how the first set of cops stole from me? The next one that picked me up gave me a coffee, all the money in his wallet...and dropped me off at a laundry mat and gave me tips on how to stay warm and clean without getting caught.

Yes there are some horrible awful cops. But there are exceptional people everywhere.

Those weeks walking I just kept learning important lessons. How not to be biased. Hiw evil people can be. How good people can be. The stigma money causes. I had access to the library (as does every homeless) and I started to read...a lot.

And I got pretty smart, pretty fast. Don't quote me but somehow that life altering event clicked something in my head and I turned into a sponge.

I figured at this point. I was learning how to defend myself. There was a purpose.

and I learned that I would die paranoid

So I started actually acknowledging my disabilities. Previously I felt ashamed. I knew SO MANY people that faked that shit. So I had come from the military with a big, "FU sam, I don't need your money".

But I did, I applied to all the human services. And they picked me up. Yes, I had to give them every last scrap of private info about myself...but the workers notice /real/ cases and are actually very nice if you're not a fool.

I have a place to live. My landlord always asks about the rent, and every bill notice I get is always red...but they never shut anything off, thank god. Slowly over time my image has re established as I've noted that people like me, the real me.

But the sad truth is, good people are so rarely in a position to help others...even if they want to.

And so I'm not mad, or upset. I wouldn't even say I'm depressed. I am legitimately sad because 50% of people will stab you and take the clothes off your back just for a high five from their friends.

The other 50% would give their lives for you but they're too tied up with the other half taking advantage of their kindness.

It is all going to burn and there is nothing anyone can do to stop it.

Ask me whatever you want. The chest weight better now. Or give me a tip. Or call me a faggot. Something.

>>689513048
Agree with this anon.

OP, can you join a gym and start weight training? Or, at the very least, go for a walk every day. Get out of the house, go before sunset. Go to a park or a wooded area, and breathe in the fresh air. Take the time to hear the birds, feel the breeze pass you. You need to quieten your mind. If you can't exercise right now, get out closer to nature and connect with the earth.

OP you'll be okay, trust me. Life is a battle. Never give up. You're alive, and that's what counts.

>>689522518
Thank you. Solid advice. I can't strain myself. But I am behind what you're saying

OP, you have recognised the beauty and the ugliness of humanity, and how we experience that duality in our every day lives.

The best thing you can do is retain your sense of hope and gratitude, and keep "soldiering" on with the good aspects of life...good people, good energies, environments.

People or places which do not improve your livelihood, state of mind or being have to be cut off from your life.

You should also seek to strengthen yourself to protect yourself from those who seek to manipulate you in any way shape or form. Not so much physically, but mentally and spiritually. Protect your heart and your head. Meditation is a great way to quieten and strengthen your mind and will, and bring a better quality of inner peace.

It seems like your life is starting to turn around very slowly OP. Well done. Just take it a day at a time, keep in good company where you can. If you can't find good company, keep to yourself. Strengthen yourself. Be your best friend. Things are turning around for you. Never lose hope.

Thank you for sharing your story. You got this Op, don't give up.

>>689523158
Absolutely. Do what you can, even simple compound exercises which won't strain or put pressure in areas you may suffer from injury.

But at the very least, walking is a great way to clear the head. I do it to reflect OP, and sometimes just to get away from it all. We all need a time out from everything sometimes. Even from ourselves!

You seem like someone who has a good caring heart who has gone through a lot of shit, but has become a much wiser person because of it. Perhaps you should look into doing volunteer work, or working in an animal rescue shelter? Somewhere where you can connect with people and/or animals. I think you are looking for connections, and I think reaching out and helping others in some capacity will nourish your heart and soul.

What do you think OP?