>>688837489
sometimes I cant help but think that op is a massive faggot, and no matter how many times I tell others they just laugh it off and call me paranoid or look at me like i'm crazy and wonder what i'm talking about. Your thoughts?

>>688837489
ID heaven being a faggot

>>688837489
I like this girl. And she knows. But she has a boyfriend who she seems pretty into. she sometimes spanks me and I do the same. She recently tried to put an ice cube down my pants. And we make sexual jokes every now and then but she always texts me lol or an emoji of. Snake on fb. So I'm not sure what to do.

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>>688837489
My cock is too big.

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>>688838464
Sounds like she's leading you on, anon. She's giving you the ol' blue balls. She'll be wrapped up in her boyfriend's arms at night, while your left hanging with that ice cube in your pants.

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>>688838652
Might wanna switch to boxer shorts, sweetheart.

I don't go out too much. I have a lot of friends but I just prefer to stay at home and play games, also no gf for 2 yrs.

I have an psychosis on my psychosis

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>>688838985
No girlfriend? Only play games? You must be getting pretty decent at playing with your joystick, huh?

>>688838914
Huh, that is actually surprisingly helpful advice, thanks.

Well, my crippled mother is dying of cancer.

I tried to make out with a lesbian friend last night.

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>>688839345
You're welcome. Wouldn't want your tight, little undies to cause Major Johnson any friction.

>>688839470
>I tried to make out with a lesbian friend last night.
Did you get rejected?

i got into a weird skype relationship with a black chick where i jerk off for her and she gets naked for me, but i really don't like her and think shes annoying bitch.

>>688839324
I prefer mouse and keyboard.

>>688839393
>Well, my crippled mother is dying of cancer.
Not touching this one. Good grief.

My girlfriend dumped me, a couple days ago, and she ended up dating my douchebag of a brother.

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>>688837489
i just shaved my entire head and eyebrows and now all i feel is the memes....

>>688839763
Yes.

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>>688839821
Does your mouse have a ball?

Can confirm is true.
>>688839393

>>688837489
I was molested as a child, it made me feel extremely dirty and every time I lay down and close my eyes I can feel my fathers hot, disgusting breath against my neck as if he was climbing on top of me all over again, due to this I have developed severe insomnia and I think I have depression.

>>688839905
>may as well incest on keeping it in the family amirite?

my boyfriend keeps having fantasies about sucking dick and im afraid he isnt attracted to me anymore but he tells me thats not true..

I'm out of money, I can't pay rent and will soon be living on the street. I've been trying to get a job but no success.

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>>688839905
Just think! All those cute and naughty little things she used to do with you, she'll now being doing with your brother. Running her finger tips through his hair, kissing him on the cheek, dressing in cute outfits for him...

Have fun thinking about that, sweetie.

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omg so like so like i came on this on this website and I heard about #pissforequality right? and i thought, i can do that, so i made a video and posted it on youtube, and now everyone at school makes fun of me. it got so bad that i actually tried to kill myself, but i didnt and now i have to wear diapers because i cant hold it for very long. :( im super depressed and not sure life is worth living anymore

>>688840136
Hes bi, what do you want

>>688840146
Become a gigolo.

become a caregiver. good money

>>688840146
There is always Craigslist and crack houses for this shit

>>688840224

LEAVE ALONE.

I lost a leg in a car accident a few months ago and lost my job because of it. Now there is a girl with an amputee fetish in my apartment building who harrasses me daily about it.

>>688837489
I have a small penis and I only had sex once

>>688840413
fuck her hard.

I have chronic back pain

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>>688839974
Nah, laser.

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>>688840146
Poor guy. (Literally.) Say goodbye to television, computers, and places to store your food. But, hey! Do't get discouraged. I hear you can find some awesome hotdogs if you look in the right trash cans.

Oh... you'll probably lose all your teeth without any form of dental hygiene. Sucks to be you.

I'm literally broke, facing a foreclosure and I can't afford to buy psych meds I desperately need and my stoner friend jumped off the planet and I need some weed to mellow me out right now goddammit I'm strung out as fuck

>>688840287
not an american
>>688840249
not attractive enough

>>688840146
You can sell both your testicles for about $35,000 each

>>688837489
I just got diagnosed with manic depression, so I got a cat who was also depressed because his owner left so I figured we'd help each other

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>>688840880
Thx for the idea, Anon!

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>>688840413
I'm sure you'll make a great pirate come next Halloween.

How much of your leg did you lose? (Smirks)

ive been with my bf 2 years but all i can think about is getting fucked hard by a bunch of random guys. i love to fuck and suck dick so much but my bf doest like having sex as often as id like;(

>>688841078
He's clearly a trans woman with a dick

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>>688840782
I have perfect health, and my house and cars are paid for by my loving husband.

Doesn't that sting, mental-illness boy?

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>>688837489

Most days I stay in bed and burn myself with a heater. I've stewed in self-hatred for a decade and get beaten down by my family every time I try to change.

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>>688840993
About 3/4s of it.

Luckily I didnt lose any part of the "leg" that actually matters. <3

>>688841078
try telling him, but approach it carefully - I would love to see my girlfroend do that!

I just lost my virginity to a dog...
Im 34

>>688841368
Are you going to get to fuck the girl with the fetish?

>>688841598
Tell me about this pls.

>>688837489
I'm an ugly beta cunt

>>688841643
I would if she didnt look like Fat Alberts retarded cousin

I have work tomorrow =(

Also I'm feeling suicidal.

>>688841369
We've had a 3 sum with another guy before, like they both fucked me, but he's very sensitive i dont wanna hurt his feelings

>>688841598
30 year old virgin here. I've been considering getting some fag to blow me just so I can experience a blow job. Never thought of fucking a dog, I don't think I could get into that.

>>688841598
Hah! So you like it doggystyle.

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>>688841368
So you're left with a stub. Half the man you used to be. Perfect.

You better hope you don't lose anymore limbs, anon. You're running out.

Feels nice having both my legs.

>>688841779
shit, how did you make that happen? I really want to see my girlfriend gake another guys cock but I dont know how to make it happen!

>>688841807
You're that kissless virgin guy right? You fucking beta just go out and get a girl drunk and fuck for the two seconds you'll last

Dunno if she wants to talk to me ever again
>dunno what i did wrong

I met my girlfriend over DOTA and when I fuck her she still moans me screen name and not my real name.

>>688841807
How do you feel? When I don't fuck for a week I feel terrible. I lost mine when i was 15 yrs old.

>>688841682
>last night
>playing Dark Souls
>taking a shot of whiskey whenever I die
>On my 7th shot
>Drunk af
>Dog comes in my room
>staring contest insues
>Idea
>present myself
>got an ass worthy of your bitch
>dog mounts me
>blacked out
>woke up covered in seamen
>not sure if mine or dogs

>>688841844
I bet it does. But I have a cool mechanical leg now that doesnt hurt. So thats nice.

>>688840822
I'm Australian and can get dick off it here

I lost my privates last year due to a bad infection I got in my crotch.

>>688842111
>your bitch
I get it

>>688838761
How was that cute?
But true

>>688842306
Crotch rot? Too many hookers

>>688841917
bring it up when she's a little tipsey, start by rubbing her when some other guy is near then have him start eating her pussy and then go from there ;)

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>>688842262
>I have a cool mechanical leg now
A shame you can never brag about being "real" and 100% authentic, anymore. Not with that big hunk of plastic or metal you're now dragging around.

>>688837489
>Describe your problems
My life.
But no, honestly I'm too easy.
Too shy to talk to literally anyone. Never been with anyone more than a month. Too much of a pussy to have ever had sex, and have actually had girls leave because of it. Now think that I'm gay, but still too much of a pussy to talk to anyone. Wat do?
Please roast me to perfection.

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>>688842587
True. But I can scare people by acting mad and then ripping off my fake leg and watching them think I tore off my real one.

Honesly this fake leg gets more use than my real leg did. Sucks to be without a job though.

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>>688842399
If I was your girlfriend, I could put ice down your pants, too. Would be fun to surprise you with some icy cold goodness. (Giggles)

My problem is that I'm attracted to OP

>>688842993
We all are.

My girlfriend and I broke up. We were together for about a year, in which she cheated on me twice with the same guy, and I found out. I cheated on her about 10 time with about 4 different chicks and never got caught. I've kind of come to the conclusion that it wasn't going to work, but surprisingly i still miss her.

>>688842886
(All joking and teasing side, I do wish you the best in life. Best wishes taking on the new challenges you face, and learning to overcome and accept them. We need more people like you.)

>>688837489
I'm experiencing awful comedown from smoking bath salts, make me feel worse.

>>688842987
You know...that made me smile a bit.
Thanks. I now see why you did there, forgot I typed the ice thing.
Sorry op

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>>688842993
>>688843044
Do I have your attention, boys?

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I have a vore fetish. Its a problem.

>>688837489
I met this girl on Facebook then we hung out in real life. First 2 weeks was good then she started get drift apart from me. I don't know why she always seems to have problems in her head but just won't talk about it. I left her alone for awhile until one day she told me she wanted a breakup. I was so upset that day didn't talk to anyone just roll in my bed and cry. Then I went and check her Facebook she got a new boyfriend.

>>688843332
Duh

I haven't had a girlfriend in years. I don't know what I'm doing in life. I smoke too much weed.

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>>688843320
Glad I could make you smile!

I would get you with the funnel game! I would place the tip of a funnel in the waistband of my pants. Then I would balance a coin on my forehead, and try to drop the coin into the funnel sticking out of my pants.

Then I would ask you to try it! We would place the funnel's tip down the front of your pants, balance the coin on your head, and while your head was tilted back, I would pour a tall glass of ice water down your funnel.

"Feeling chilly?" ^-^

>>688843675

Not OP, but been there man. Just do what you do. Time'll pass and you'll get better. Best thing you can do is move on.

Anon, would it be unusual of I get a nice girl (in a relatively short time period) pregnant just so I can avoid expecting the "perfect girl" (over a long period of time) to come along and produce my ideal offspring? Would you call that "disgusting and wrong"?

I realize the sheer stupidity but I may have a kid as a result. That's all I want really. Am I nuts?

>>688843943

Yes, because you won't have custody. And even if you stick together the odds are highly against it working out .

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>>688843176
Thanks OP. Your pirate joke made me smile. <3

>>688844102
Good point. But as long as I pass my genes, my basic human purpose is essentially completed. I feel a primal urge to achieve that before I die. It seems reasonable in that regard, no?

I can't find any good anime after 3 years of watching this shit

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>>688844120
If I was your girlfriend, I would write on your thigh with my tube of lipstick: "Missing something?"

>>688844496
Try Girl Meets Bear. Its adorable as fuck

>>688843903
^~^
Thanks

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>>688844695
You wouldn't forever hate me for pulling little jokes on you?

Alice is that you

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>>688844577
If you were my girlfriend Id reply by saying "Youre all I need"

>tfw I think Im flirting over 4chan but arent sure

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>>688845233
Aww, that made me feel so bubbly inside. ^-^ That would make me smile so much, anon.

"Arr, matey! Cute pirate boy after me booty?" (Giggles)

>>688844886
Nah op
You're OK with me

>>688844276

The urge to reproduce extends far beyond the biological necessity. You want to pass along your genes, but you also want to pass down your knowledge as well. While your way satisfies the biological imperative, it completely ignores the social and psychological imperative.

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I'm a big guy.

>>688846318
For me.

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>>688845901
Ive never been too sexual but going along with the pirate theme
"Id plunder that booty like Im captain Jack sparrow, matey."

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>>688846618
As your loyal pirate girl, would I get to play with your wooden peg?

Oh, my! It looks so... stiff.

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I finished Higurashi and nowI feel depressed.

>>688847043
Splinters.

I've got nothing left to do at work but 4 hours until I can close up and leave.

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>>688847043
Of course! My peg is just as much yours as it is mine. And yes, it is quite stiff. Perhaps youd like to climb my mast ;3

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What is happening? Ive read the whole thread and it went from teasing to cheering on to flirting to weird pirate foreplay...

>>688840083
Daddy issues? Hello beautiful!

>>688840224
An hero

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>>688847672
Ooh, I like this idea. What's yours is all mine, huh? I could certainly get used to this idea. Maybe inside of writing on your thigh with my lipstick, I could write "get belongs to me" on that wooden peg of yours.

But I'm no good at climbing! You would need to teach me how. Maybe you could guide your pirate hands around my waist to better instruct me.

Are you at full sail, yet?

My gf is in rehab.

>>688847831
It's alright to have fun, you know.

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>>688848191
Oh Im full sail and of course Ill guide you. But for now I sadly must retire to my chamber. A captain never rests. Will I see you again, my lovely first mate?