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bump.

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Life is hard, man. No matter what. Just keep your head up.

>>688418690
that's just fucking faggy

>>688418995
Not if sending something like this would have kept your best friend from killing herself

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>>688417697
This desribes life best for me tbh

>>688419222
Story?
Also checked

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>>688417697
This one has been posted like 1000 times.
But it always gets to me.

The good times never came...he just passed away...

>>688419346
Sure.
>Be me
>Three months ago
>best friend suffered from severe depression and anxiety
>lets say her name was Erica
>Erica and I graduated from high school two years back and still talked till that day.
>one night, go to sleep early, have work in the morning.
>wake up with 15 missed calls from erica
>she left voicemails saying she needs me
>text her and tell her I'm on my way
>hoping it's not too late
>get there, grab key from under plant pot
>open door and run to her bedroom
>see her wrists covered in blood and she's still breathing
>run to her and try to stop the bleeding
>stsrt crying and screaming her name
>"anon, i will always love you. Goodbye"
> she dies in my arms and i continue crying for hours
>call her parents and brother
> they rush over and police are there
>i go home
>go to the funeral a week later
>closed casket
>start crying again
>go back home and i still havent gone back to work.

My boss fired me and I'm probably going to jump off a brige soon. Heard drowning was the best way to kill yourself.

>>688420951
If this is true, I'm really sorry.

>>688421387
It's true. I wish it wasn't but it is and i miss her so much. She was my only reason to live. I miss her so much

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I wish my country was conquered by some better country, I hate being a loser. we always lose at everything.

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>have called back for an interview
>the girl on the phone sounds a lot younger than me
>mfw I'm 19 and never had a job
>mfw I might be judged by a 16 yr old

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>>688421594
Reminds me of me this one.

>pic related also does.

>>688422089
Its OK man stay cool.

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>>688417697

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I hate myself. It's all just carefully masked self loathing and contempt under a mask of normalcy. I'm to emotionally broken and scarred for anyone to love the real me, if they even stick around long enough to see how ugly I am inside. Can I die soon? Please?...

>>688417697
>got in a fight with my best friend of 10 years semi-recently
>it's been almost a year
>he still hasn't tried to reach out to me
>this is the longest we've gone without contact
>i want to contact him but i'm scared he won't give a shit and i'll look like a retard
>all of my new friends are telling me not to do it
>still want to, don't know what to do

this sucks /b/, i know i shouldn't, but it's just been so long. the guy was always depressed and i'm kind of scared he offed himself

>>688419346
Don't kill yourself.

I used to have a lot of sad stories that made everyone sympathetic to my life.
Now I don't even have that, just a nagging emptiness that I can't even feel bad about.

>>688422573
Chances are he feels the same way you do if you were both good friends. Reach out to him and try to rekindle what you guys had. It's just going to eat at your conscious otherwise

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>>688422622

>>688422573
Fuck what people tell you and try to hit him up. Same Shit happened to me and an old friend of mine once. That was close to five years ago now and we still haven't spoken. I can't even find the bitch via social media. My point is you'll regret at least not saying your part. How he acts is on him. But set it right with yourself bro.

>>688422884
i don't know about that
one of our mutual really close friends is with him right now, and the guy has always been a manipulative cunt
if the mutual friend has been left alone with him for a whole year, i doubt he's even close to the person he used to be.

>>688422988
i have no way of contacting him now except adding him on steam. i thought i had his number saved, but i got a new phone and it's gone. i'm terrified i'll add him and they'll all laugh about it and never add me (i know it sounds stupid, but this is the shit we'd do with other people)

> live with paraplegic bestfriend from elementary school
> in our 30's now
>Work 9 to 5 job
> friend is on disability
> we watch every tv series and movies together
> lately I've been thinking about future... finding a gf... having kids of my own
> can't bear to leave my friend alone


What do? I don't want him to be alone, I can't stand the thought of him being alone. But I know this will deter any woman.

>>688423195
if a girl is shallow enough to not like you because you're helping out a disabled friend, they're probably not worth your time anyways.

>>688423157
I know what you mean, my old chum and I were straight up villains to some. Ask yourself this, what's worth more. A good friend, or looking stupid because you had enough balls to keep it real?

Buck up chums - nothing that watching Braveheart four or five times in a row wont fix ...

All of my friends have been avoiding me recently and I don't really know why. I suppose it's the drugs and what they're doing to my reputation. They probably see me as a pathetic, miserable creature even when I don't. I understand that, how people will feel bad for you and tell you in the hopes that you'll rectify the situation in someway.
I feel like one day, whenever I'm alone in my apartment with my cat, it'll hit me, but the more I think about it, I don't think it'll ever come.

>>688423195
>> live with paraplegic bestfriend from elementary school

Forget the wife and have buttsex with him. It's not like he'd know anyway, if he was asleep.

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Roses are red
They reach to the sky
I am depressed
And I just want to die

>>688423493
here's the thing, i don't even know if he's a good friend anymore, and a lot of my current friends don't like him very much. and they'll definitely know if i contact him

>>688423629
if you're doing drugs hard enough that you are pushing people away from you, you should probably get help. just my $.02

>>688423873
Why? Doing the drugs has caused me to really look at the people around me and determine their worth, to me at least. I lost sight of the need for friendship, even though they're obviously disturbed by my transition. I don't see why. I assume that's their problem more than mine, and I shouldn't be swayed by their fears.

>>688424253
what are you on, exactly? i can't really say much without more details on the situation.

>>688424431
Heroin.

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We are alone, everyone of us in some way, live to know the only reason you were born is to die. To work for no one really, just to keep thw government away from you. You didnt ask to be alive but you are. And the only thing that we have to look forward to is to fly away. Away from reality.

>>688424490
dude get off that shit.
it will ruin your life. i've had friends kill themselves because of that shit. i know it's fucking hard with the withdrawals, but stop that shit man.

>>688422573
I have something similar to this.
So far every girl I have dated started off as a close friend. There are 4 whom I could say I still remember and would say we were amazing, compatible friends.
My most recent ex (I'm bad at time, but it was at least 2 years ago) was my longest, most important relationship. We were together for 3 years, and were friends for at least one before that. At no point did we look like we weren't a couple. Basically day 2 we looked like a couple, it was crazy.
For the most part the relationship was fine. The issues we had were primarily with ourselves, causing issues with the other. At this point, I was legit fucking depressed. I could even say she was the reason I got up at times. Because of that, I wasn't always willing to go out. There were many days I just couldn't will myself to go anywhere. She has anxiety. Serious anxiety problems. Because of my depression, she thought it was something on her that I didn't want to see her. Over the last 3 months it strained the relationship until she called it off.
I hit rock bottom at that point. Didn't do anything but bathe and eat. This is the point I started dreads, which I still have.
But, after she broke up with me, she didn't really want to speak. I tried a couple times, but was really just met with a "you are of no importance to me, fuck off". It killed me.
I can't easily forget people like that. I still think of most of the people I shared time with. They're all important in some way. I do wish we could still talk, but really at this point we've drifted too far, and she has changed so much our points of view hardly even line up.

To make an overly long story short, do it. You don't fucking know what will happen, but either way you will have your answer. You'll know what path to take after that. It's better than forever questioning it. I contacted one of my other ex's and we're still compatible. Got shrooms planned later in the week if I can fucking get them.

>>688423873
Why does no one like him? Had he made bad life choices or is he a bad person in some other way?

>>688424719
That's the freakout I'm talking about, like I don't get why people continue to care when I stopped a long time ago.

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I'm scared to go, i feel like i don't have enough time. Like im slowly walking to be killed by time. To be executed by my own body. Im so afraid to die. I know that theres nothing after. And its all gone.

>>688423195

Maybe find a place down the street? Next door? Or just closeby?

She promised she wouldn't disappear on me anymore, /b/.

If someone could start another one of these in like 2 and a half hours I would be very grateful. Have to study until then but need one of these threads tonight..

>>688424805
fair enough. i'll try to find his phone number again. i really don't want to do it over steam, though.
sorry about your girl though. maybe she's just cold because it's her way of coping? i've been there.

>>688424953
ehhh, they're all new friends (kind of lost my old squad in the fight), meaning they didn't know him very well before we had our fight. most of what they know is from my point of view. he wronged me pretty bad, which makes them not like him very much. kind of hard to change that mentality.

>>688424955
look man, i know you don't care right now, but people will care if you end up dead. it's our natural reaction to care about other people. also, are you sure people are pulling away from YOU, rather than YOU pulling away from THEM? from how you talk, it seems to be the second one.

>>688417697
bump

>>688425824
She isn't cold. She was actually a very warm person, despite her shyness at first. Very intelligent. Months after she broke up with me she determined that I was abusive and began spreading that on social media, thank God without my name. She is now (honest to fucking God) a man hating feminist, which is the reason our views no longer match up.

>>688426130
i mean cold NOW, sorry that came off wrong
and yeah that sucks, but people change. probably better off without her man.

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>>688410800
People, including the girls, most likely had a high opinion of me. I don't know just because I didn't care enough to talk to people more.
The girls probably were just waiting for me to chose one of them. But I really didn't care, I didn't care to get a girlfriend, I didn't care about sex.
I still didn't think much and just did things. I was impulsive, but compared to a lot of people, when I do things without thinking, or with very little thinking, It turns out to actually pretty logical, complex, and seemingly well thought out compared to a lot of people just impulsively doing things. I was just smart but I didn't think about it, I didn't even know it, but other people thought I was smart.

After a while of me not going to school as often and not making a move on any of the girls they all mostly just backed off. I stopped going to school all together. I just did drugs, did my hobbies, hung out with friends. I just hung out with druggies and people who skipped school, people who dropped out. My friendships withered away besides for people I'd do drugs with or hang out with when we weren't doing drugs. I my drug dealing wasn't enough to support my habit, and I eventually went broke. I didn't do drugs as much but my druggie friends and I would always somehow get money or drugs. I started done crime here and there. Stealing from stores, breaking into cars, rarely doing honest work. It eventually became just hanging out with druggies who couldn't get drugs so we just chilled. It was the same thing for a while but stuff was stolen from my home and I was blamed for it. While I was asleep my mom called the cops and they searched my room, they didn't find anything. I didn't steal those things. Aside from not having lived with my father for years, having a bad relationship with my mother and her boyfriend, I was sick of that shit at home, I left. I lived with a druggie friend and his druggie mother in a house paid for by his grand parents.

bump lets get some good shit guys. i haven't cried in years and i need to

>>688425824
I see. Well, than maybe it doesn't matter and it's just how you feel. Sometimes a feeling doesn't mean an action is called for.

If it's persistent enough of a feeling though maybe it's bothering you enough to justify doing it. Even if it's for a selfish reason like closure or just speaking your piece about the past.

>>688426251
Cold towards me, I will easily agree with. We still share mutual friends, and as a person, ignoring viewpoints, she's apparently basically the same. Just more.. Offended.
But you're right. Better off without at this point.

>>688426969
true. i guess i'll just keep thinking it over, thanks for the consideration man

>>688427026
just remember there are more people out there bro

>>688422089
The sooner you adapt to having a boss who is younger than you, the better. I got my first job the year my current boss was born.

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>>688427457
No problem bro. Hope it helped.

>>688423195
Find a home for disabled people for him to live in? You've given him 20 years. You owe yourself the next 20.

I feel like I'm going insane. I get really depressed when I don't people around to cheer me up. I get scared when I'm alone because I don't know what I'm gonna do to myself. Lately people seem to be ignoring me. I don't know if I'm just insecure or if they actually don't like me and I'm really scared.

>>688420951
>>"anon, i will always love you. Goodbye"
>> she dies in my arms and i continue crying for hours


lol, lying sack of shit. Stop watching the Lifetime channel and grow a sack, you faggot.

>>688428594
It's probably just anxiety, anon. I can totally relate to that. Don't worry, we're all here for you. You have a good evening, okay?

>>688429421
Thanks, I've been thinking about talking to my doctor about it. I hope that you have a good evening as well.

>>688421891
Source?

Seeing these threads makes me glad I've never loved.

>>688426295
We just did the same shit but he prefer just weed, but he had other drugs when we were desperate. There wasn't enough food for all of us to go without being hungry. This went on for a few months.
Eventually, I move back with my mother. I start going to an alternative school, and switched schools for a while. A friend told me Agenda 21. I started researching it, and I believed it. The government putting poison in the water to make the people stupid so the government could keep their power and oppress the people made sense. It made sense that higher population wasn't sustainable and that population control by killing off people the masses to fix that made sense. During my research, I found too many sources talking about the injustice, how the government was hiding their agenda, and especially about how it was going to happen soon, and we had to do something about it before we all die. I didn't grow up with intelligent adult figures and role models in my life. Nobody taught me about applying the scientific method to all of life. And I was just too trusting to begin with. I thought spreading the word and starting a revolution was more important than anything. I started printing out pamphlets and leaving them out in public. My friends couldn't prove me wrong or didn't try to, some just didn't care. Everyone around me was just uneducated and or lacking in intelligence. My mother and I ended up living with my aunt and her family. They were too uneducated and stupid to prove me wrong. I spent a lot of time researching conspiracy theories. I kept failing school, but I quit drugs. My mother got an education and we eventually moved to a small apartment. I started learning more about myself, and found out people weren't stupid because of poison in the water and what not, I was just intelligent, very intelligent. It was the first time I really started thinking. All the evidence from my past was there, and I remembered it, I was intelligent.

>>688422622
God damn it...I can't call my dad this late...

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These last few days I've been thining a lot about suicide and I feel depressed overall, don't know if I should see a psychologist or wait for it to pass.

>>688417697
Alright, listen to this shit
>be me
>little kid
>mom gets sick with lime disease
>cant work
>4 kid household, moms spends too much money, dad struggles to support us
>we move to a trailer w/ cheap rent
>i was six
>the house falls into shambles
>walls collapsing, ceiling in mine and sisters shared room collapses in
>eventually house is so fucked we all sleep in one room
>house falling apart inside and out
>mom slowly dying
>little brothers getting a shitty childhood
>cant get a job, still too young
>sister goes to live with her dad
>my dads suicidal
>talk him away from the gun many times
And that's where I am now, /b/. Sorry for the sob story

>>688431101
Are you thinking about it or planning it? Everyone thinks about it. Suicidal ideation is a symptom of something more sinister.

>>688430452
I started researching famous intelligent people, artists, musicians, scientists, polymaths, mathematicians, and I could relate to them, it gave me a sense of belonging. I started doing better in school, but had a better time watching documentaries, doing internet research, and developing my skills outside of school. I spent the next years gaining knowledge, developing various skills, exploring the world, researching various things, including philosophy. I started thinking about my past more, and understood myself a lot better. I ended up dedicating myself to obtaining knowledge, developing skill, and school, I hung out with my druggie friends less and less. I ended up learning about how shit my parents were, how bad my upbringing was, how things could've been so much different if my parents were more educated, if the people raised me to be who I could've been. Because of how I had my mother break up with her boyfriend and how I resented her for raising me like shit, for treating me like shit, my relationship with my mother became worse. She was just a stupid and ignorant girl who was impulsive. She would lash out at me, make me feel like shit. I tried working with her to build a better relationship, but every time it was just me telling her what was wrong, her telling me she agreed with me or nothing was wrong, and nothing would change. I was researching psychology and counseling, I would make power point presentations, I tried very hard. It just ended up with her agreeing and then nothing changing, ended with her saying nothing was wrong, ended with her lashing out at me, or me eventually losing my tact and getting emotional and yelling and crying. I started suspecting she was seeing her shit boyfriend again, the guy who I told her ruined my life. I didn't pursue it enough to find proof, but I built a file on her, I documented the evidence. We ended up moving a few more times while this was happening. I was truly a better man, and I knew it.

One of these days Ill hook up my old pc and post from my bawww folder. Hundreds in there..

>>688431418
I think about it most of the time, but latelly I've started imagining myself doing it with a knife or jumping off a balcony

>>688420951
Helium exit bag is def the easiest way faggot

>>688432613
Probably should seek help then

>>688432613
The other guy said. If you really want to do it dont jump. Also, try some psychadelics before you kill yourself, might change your mind. Goodluck

>>688432174
Progress in school was a lot better, but still not good enough, I was failing most of my classes. I thought I had ADHD and started to see a psychiatrist, my mother refused to go to counseling with me to work through our problems. The psychiatrist never diagnosed me with ADHD and I ended up thinking it wasn't worth going. By that time I knew what I wanted, I wanted to get my diploma and go to college. I tried harder working on school, but progress just wasn't going well enough. I was still trying to work through problems with my mother. During summer, I ignored her. I was just tired of her shit, I just wanted to get my education and focus on school without having to deal with her bullshit. I would lock my door and leave notes on it for her to read. They varied, some were about how I didn't get everything I wanted in life but I wouldn't be negative about it like her and illogically believe she had less than she had. Some were cause and effect charts about how what she did leaded to me being depressed and not doing well in school despite my potential. Some were quotes of the horrible things she's told me, including her telling me she wished I was never born. I just didn't communicate with her. Before school started, she sent me a text message saying she talked to my dad and he said I could live with him, and if I don't move out in a certain amount of time, she would call the police to escort me out.
Fuck that, I wasn't living with my father, that fucker beat me, that's why I didn't live with him in the first place. I thought my life was over, I thought I wouldn't be able to get my education anymore, I wouldn't be able to contribute to the world. I might as well be homeless. She texted me about how my father told her I didn't contact him, and she reminded me about how she was going to call the police to kick me out. My plan was to live homeless, I had my bags packed, and I was ready to leave.

>>688433703
Ahh, fuck. I'm planning on doing Shrooms or Acid soon. Not that anon, btw. Just.. A fucker who is liable to not live another 9 years.

>>688433372
>>688433703
Thanks for the advice, I'll consider the psychadelics if I keep thinking about it

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So does anyone worry about how fucked the u.s is about to be, either trump or Hilary will win and I know its not gonna be nice in the future for the u.s. Its either a openly racist rich man vs a privately corrupted old lady. I feel the end is near not sure if it will be a massive earth quake we already have many huge holes occurring all over the world, or if it will be a war between countries which can happen at any moment if not already happening privately behind closed doors.

Okay, so let's do a green text, if you like just ask and I'll move ahead in the story.
>be me
>12 at the time, had recently moved to Virginia Beach (no longer my local)
>was in 6th grade at time pretty new at school
>met a girl in math class easily 8/10, I was maybe 5/10
>she asked me to some dance so I was like whatever right
>next day I ask her and she practically tells me to fuck off
>oh shit okay
>like 2 days before this shit dance she asks me out and because I'm a dumb fag I say yes
>were on again off again for 5 months she cheats on me a lot but IDC, as long as I wasn't single right?
>I try to dump her and she plays pitty card
>supereffective.jpeg
>another 4 months pass and I catch her on some shit she can't deny
>we fight till about 2am until I snap and call her road kill that got lucky (she was adopted)
>I feel bad and become depressed because she was important to me in a way

If you like I'll post a sequel

>>688431376
Never feel sorry for your life story. Hope things will be better for you.

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Hello anons, I'm here if you want someone to talk to. :)

>>688419222
if thats what kept your friend from killing themselves, they were a fickle fuck to start with

>>688435081
Hey you should continue

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>>688417697
>Anonymous Bump, lets keep this thread going.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQoFLrZ5C3M

>>688420951

nice fantasy world you live in there anon, although if she loved you, i could see why she'd want to kill herself as she obviously makes shit decisions

>>688423195
I think you are recalling the show "Legit"

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My life..

>>688436865
Same

>>688433767
All I wanted was to contribute to science, but I couldn't do that anymore because I wouldn't have a home and I wouldn't have the things that a home provided for me to be able to get an education and contribute to science.
I had a tent, my things, and I knew the spot I was going to camp out.
I left, and I lived homeless.
I initially planned on killing myself, but I couldn't do it.
I always had my knife and thought about how I could still slit my main vein and bleed out.
Less than two months of struggling, my aunt took me in. I thought this was my chance. I ended up not doing well enough in school, I couldn't control myself enough to spend enough time on school, it was self paced. I thought I couldn't manage getting a job and going to school at the same time. Before the next semester, my aunt told me that they were moving and they didn't have space for me unless I got a job so they could get a bigger place. I said I might as well get my own place if I got a job. I was just going to end up homeless again. They were just completely bullshitting and didn't want me living there unless I paid rent. She said she would expect her kids to get a job when there were of age so it wasn't fair for her to let me continue living there without having a job if her kids didn't have a job. It was all bullshit and lies, and lies she would tell herself so she could continue thinking she's a good person, thinking she's a good Christian when she was always contradicting the ways of Christianity.
I was homeless again, I spent the end of summer being homeless. I couldn't kill myself, and I still had a sliver of hope I could do something with my life, if I could just have a place to do school work, if I could just have a home.

My mom did the communication between my father and I and she manipulated both of us.

I tried staying with him for a maybe a month less than half a year, it didn't work out.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaZ1EmPOE_k&index=29&list=PLwxNMb28XmpckOvZZ_AZjD7WM2p9-6NBv

>>688435821
Okay here

>couple months later, a week or so from being 13
>cunt face begins dating my best friend whom she attempted to cheat on me with during the relationship
>she just shows up at my house one day asking for him
>I truthfully didn't want her there and didn't know where my pal was
>she refused to leave claiming Ik where he's at and won't tell her
>I walk inside cause fuck her and her cunt ass
>walk upstairs, turns out I lied the mf is chillin on my bed eatin pizza playing skyrim
>I go to shit and walk out 5 minutes later into MY room and he's abouta fuck cunt face on MY bed
>ohfuckno.gif
>he don't care and she gives his ass a handy
>she leaves like 20 minutes later and me and my bro get to talkin
>turns out he just wanted a handy
>it hurts, but I laugh cause he's my bro

I'm gonna tag this story on here too cause its an actual feels story

>met an amazing girl in school (am now 13, 7th grade, 5/10, fag)
>we talk and eventually begin dating
>date for like a month before she starts acting like clingy AF and won't stop messaging me
>I get angry and tell her she needs to chill, she takes the offensive and tells me I don't love her
>supereffective.jpg
>fight ensues
>once again lose my temper and tell her to kill herself
>mfw she begins self harm
>I stopped seeing her in school and she never messaged me
>idk how long later she just randomly messages telling me that I was her true love and other shit, ending with she's killing herself
>left her ass on read and never saw or heard from her again

Got one last one if anybody's interested not really a tearjerker unless you're me

I'm planning to kill myself and I don't know if I can get any help.

>>688435347
What do you tell yourself when you you're afraid that the rollercoaster is about to start heading down into depression again?

>>688438373
i've had more emotion expressed during bowel movements than reading that tale of faggotry

>>688438665
Professional help is expensive, but words are free on the internet. Let it flow, I'll listen. maybe i wont help but it might get the poison inside of you flow out instead of in.

>>688435081
getting cheated on in 6th grade? what

>>688438712
WEEEEEEEE

Havent you ever been on a rollercoaster you dumb fucking retard, if you look forward to the times you are slowly being pulled up the ramp *clickity-clack-clickity-clack* then you are living life wrong and certainly enjoying rollercoasters wrong you human buttplug

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>>688417697
> Be me, meet your first true love during the worst period of your life.
> She be the first girl to start a conversation with you or ever pay attention to you.
> You talk to her joke around and have a good time, she starts to brighten your life a little, even if it's just for one class and a single hour a day.
> School dance comes around you don't ask her because your a sad piece of trash, go to dance anyway with your mates.
> Stand in the corner on the wall like a little bitch with a bunch of other socially awkward guys.
> See her no other guy in sight, what for 10min then I decide I don't want to be the sad man iv'e always been.
> Go over to her with a small group of my friends.
> She's with a group of her friends, I tape her on the shoulder and ask her if she had a date to the dance.
> She says no, I go full yolo mode (do or die moment).
> Get on my knees and actually propose to her with a little ring I carved. Ask her if she will be "my pretty pretty girlfriend?"
> *A cold sweat runs down my face.
> She says yes
> My heart starts beating for the first time in ages (I cry a little).
> We dance and make marry the hole party and I finally get my first kiss.
> As the dance ends we Hug and she asks If I need a ride home, my parents don't even know I went to the dance, so I say yes.
> We go home, She drops me off at my house (parents aren't home).
> She says she loves me, then gives me a kiss on the cheek.
> They drive away.
> She died later that day in a car accident.
> I'm all alone again.

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>>688438712
I smile and think how grateful I am for the things that I already have. :)

>>688436977
I told him I'd consider it. I talked to him in the first time in a long time. He told me as long as I go to school and didn't do drugs he wouldn't have a problem. I tried explaining to him how he hurt me. I tried telling him that I wanted an education because I wanted to contribute to science. I told him I needed privacy and enough sleep in order to do well in school. I told him about how I think doing drugs is stupid bullshit. He just kept interrupting me and telling me as long as I go to school and don't do drugs he was okay. He told me that I'd be living with him and 2 other children. I told him I needed privacy and kept repeating myself. I told him I'd take a trial period to see if things would be how I wanted them to be, and what I wanted was enough privacy to emotionally function well so I was emotionally well enough to do well in school and didn't have too many distractions keeping me from focusing on school.

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>>688417697
I'm pissed as fuck at a pleb tier community college with no one to talk to. my first college was a liberal Univ of California shit tier that I hated. I'm facing one of the heftiest misdemeanors as my first criminal charge and my college is absolute shit and a seemingly depressing never ending shit - steam of consciousness where failure and injury are imminent

>>688438960
That's what I'm saying, like what sick bitch knows how to cheat on a dude in 6th grade

>>688439238
I had my own room and I was left alone for a month or two. Things didn't seem so bad. He kept pushing my boundaries and personal space. What really triggered me was when I didn't have my own room anymore and how I couldn't leave the door to the room open anymore.

>>688439153
I did actually just smile reading that, what do you do when you mess up and she wants you to leave her alone for a bit but you cant sleep, all you can think about is your mistake?

>>688439569
dude are you some sort of faggot that gets assfucked passionately? kys mentally ill fag

>>688439569
He treated me like a drug addict who didn't want to go to school, who didn't want an education and didn't know what he wanted to do with his life.

I had enough of his shit, and ignored him. He kept pushing into my personal space and boundaries until I had enough. I didn't have my own room anymore. I acted out while still ignoring him by setting alarm traps around me when I was sleeping so he couldn't be around me when I was sleeping. I would lock the door even though he told me not to. He told me to keep the door of my room open when I wanted it closed, that pushed my limits. I started getting paper and marker. I wrote numbers on at least 30 pages of paper, random numbers, they didn't mean anything at all, one page was just a bunch of random 1s and 0s. One page was a bunch of 5s in varying sizes in an artistic pattern. I wanted to show him that what he was doing was making me crazy without me having to talk to him. He took them down while I was in the same room ignoring him. I put them back up before I went to bed. The next day, he tried talking to me, but he was an impulsive and easy to get emotional. He told me he didn't want me around the children who were living there. He actually thought I had a severe mental disorder and was a safety hazard. I didn't explain myself or I didn't explain myself well. In reality, I was just pulling some bullshit to try and tell him that not having my own room, not being able to close the door to the room, and generally not having enough privacy was upsetting me. I ended up taking a shower to try and cool down, and I ended up hitting the walls of the shower in rage. He told me had to contact a family member but I could stay for long enough to find a new place.

I just left that night.

>>688420492
Maybe those are the good times, Anon.

>>688438914
My problem is the world. I hate everything.i hate things I love.
I hate my friends. I hate movies. I hate video games. I hate my own art.
I hate my family. I hate how the world works.
I don't really know why I'm alive. What am I waiting for?

>>688425206
this is the most beautiful thing i've ever seen

>>688436977
>>688439238
>>688439569
>>688439971
I actually lived with my father before living with my aunt, and then my aunt told me the bullshit and I was living homeless.

>>688439673
it's only for a bit. think it over and better yourself as a result. distance makes the heart grow fonder.

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>>688439673
If she is meant to stay, she will.

Overthinking a problem will do you no good, let it go, you made a mistake, accept it and move on.

If you do it, she will as well. :)

>>688440431
>>688440287
I don't like the idea of if its meant to be, relationships happen because someone took the impetus. I don't think the problem will go away, this issue will but the underlying problem will still be there when i wake up tomorrow. How do I throw myself to fate if i dont believe in it?

>>688440769
what is the problem exactly?
people are people, but they can change for each other.
if you want it to work, you'll have to fix your mistakes and problems. you're in a relationship because you WANT it to work, and i'm sure she does too. you just have to make it happen.

>>688440962
she feels like a second choice to me and my friends, and due to a miscommunication she sent me a block of text explaining not to make plans with my friends the day that we're gonna hang out. she tossed a bunch of qualifiers in there to make it seem like she didnt care that much but i cant gauge that properly if its not face to face. I was ranting to my bro-friends and i accidentally posted the rant in the main chat which shes a part of. Ever since we graduated and the summer started shes in the house all the time and im working most of the week. Most of my friend group is leaving for college upstate in a month or so, so im constantly trying to plan a get together before they all leave.

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I thought I could keep myself happy by keeping myself busy but it always creeps up on me
I have no one to turn too. Going to University I hoped everything would be different and a fresh start. But it wasn't
My brother lies to my parents about going to school for 3 years and I barely found out less then 6 months ago. Yet I feel like I'm following in his footsteps when I don't want to. I want to show my little brother who looks up to me in the brightest of ways that if I can finish school so can you and it'll all be worth it. But yet I feel like I'm being like my older brother which I hate
My friends from back home don't even talk to me anymore. They act like i don't exist. I told myself I could survive with them this summer. But everytime I wake up in the morning and want to do something I realize I can't cause they don't want me in their life anymore. And don't get me wrong i love my friends from University. But there was this one girl, we were able to turn to each other and vent about anything and we could have a good time to get our mind off our issues. But as time progressed she grew distant over that. Sure we still talk and hang out on occasion since we are on break, but it hurts not having no one to vent to or turn to except here, we're I can just lay out my issues and hope everything will be fine
I know most of you here have worse issues than I do, and I hope everything gets better. To be honest, it'll be nice to meet up with a cup of coffee with most of you faggots and just forget about life and just talk...
I love you all

>>688440128
define hate, you cant actually be mad at everything theres not enough emotional energy in the universe. there can be indifference, even a form of angry jealousy but not hate.

>>688440199
I lived homeless for a few months. I was doing school, things weren't so bad. I exhausted my life savings again getting things while living homeless. I spent a lot of money on bug spray. I needed money, and a cousin told me one of the last times I was homeless that I could work for his uncle. I wanted something like that more than some other job. I wanted to work on my onw time because I had school to do.
I told him I just wanted work. He told me to meet him somewhere. I met him, and he told me word got around that I was homeless but I didn't contact him. He told me I could've lived with him the whole time, he would've helped me get on my feet. I told him I didn't want to live with him, and that I just wanted work, but he insisted that I live with him. I accepted. He had me work for him always doing things around the house or going around with him helping his friends and family load and unload things from trucks, he would help out friends and family a lot. He made money with some online business. I ended up doing a lot of work for him, manual labor that could take all day multiple days. I was doing well in school, things were looking good. He got his GED, and wasn't the most intelligent man. He was biased in his views in things. He told me getting my diploma was a waste of time, he told me I should get my GED. He allowed me to get my diploma since I was on my last year. By the end of the year, I just wasn't able to manage all the work he had me do and school. I could've taken time out from my personal time to compensate for the time I couldn't spend on school, but at the end, it wasn't enough. I barely passed my classes, and I failed one class. I fell short of getting my diploma, and my teacher just wouldn't give me the credited I needed to pass, what I needed to graduate. During the last 2 weeks of school, I worked on school non stop, but I ended up short anyway. I was depressed, and I was forced to get a real job and get my GED.

>>688441721
I can't stand people and their stupid mannerisms and ideologies and ignorance.
I no longer have fun with things like video games and film because they're all gone to shit
And I detest my own art because I genuinely hate myself and all I stand for.

>>688441630
Glad you still have hope, anon

>>688442163
Your anger has a root cause, and since you know how to lash out and simmer, pouting your way through thats what you do, like a boy given a hammer, suddenly everything looks like a nail. You're projecting that emotional energy in every direction, that deep mental anguish and you're exhausting yourself. When it comes time to realize what you've done you self-rationalize this hate as the outside world being cancer. when the emotional cancer is growing inside of you.

>>688441897
I had straight As when I was living homeless, but when he took me in, my grades just went down hill.

I got a manual labor job after getting my GED, and I worked. It was too late to apply for collage to get my associates after summer. I would try for next quarter. I spent the summer working my job depressed. I thought about all my wasted childhood, I started writing about my life. I worked or just focused on my hobbies. I worked, played the cello and piano, wrote music, I started working on drawing and painting again, but I was sad I couldn't get my diploma. He told me he wanted me to save up to get my own place to experience what it was like to live alone. It was just real bullshit based on what he thought he know about life, and how I could move back if I didn't like it. I figured I was going to take summer getting through depression and thinking about what field of science I wanted to go into. Because of what he said, I figured I could go through with his bullshit and use an extra year to think about what I was going to commit my higher education to, and to save up money.
I eventually got my own place, kept working shitty manual labor, and I just got more depressed. I thought it was too late for me. I ended up just doing my hobbies and drugs. I kept thinking about what a waste of a life I was. I decided I could just live a self indulgent life, maybe make some art that will last. I just kept getting more depressed. One day I wrote my autobiography.

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For everyone in this thread who happens to read this.

>>688432548
How about tonight?

>>688444016
>>688444120
Please? the thread is starting to die but i cant fall asleep yet.

>>688439066
Damn.

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>>688444016
It's all about telling yourself than you're better than her. At least for me :B Once I start believing it, I'm just a better person.

http://youtu.be/eWHCRseZrN8

Some music for the feels.

>>688444381
Create a new one.

>>688444120
>>688444381
I dont have the pc here. Get on thursday at this time (9:30-10ish pacific) and I will post as much as I can. So everyone stay alive until then to join :) over 300 pics in the folder of old bawww thread stuff. Could make multiple threads by the time people contribute

>>688444685
I have no baww material to post, no pictures just my current problems. I'm venting more than bawwing.

>>688444777
Nice double trips, thursday huh? I'll still have problems then. Alright i guess.

>>688444959
Cant deny the double trips. With that authority I say everyone here has to join

Got told that I'm not gonna be graduating high school today. Failed physics and won''t be walking the stage with my graduating class. Being from an asian family, this really isn't acceptable. My dads old as shit too and I really just want him to retire but he can't because he feels like he needs to put me through college first. I've been feeling like killing myself since sophomore year but not as bad as today. When is it gonna go right?

>be me, 7th grade, February
>give a note to a girl I've liked all year for valentine's day
>she denies it
>we're still friends
>try again in 9th grade
>she said yes
>fistpump.gif
>a year goes by
>everything is going awesome
>happiest I've ever been
>then she starts to get a little more open with what she finds attractive
>tl;dr massive weeaboo thing I don't even know anymore
>says all the generic looking anime characters look so cute and adorable and how she wishes she could be with them irl

>i fought for the only love I've ever had for 2 years and a few fucking cartoon girls ruined it all in a matter of days

>tfw I still wake up from dreams of us laying next to each other
>tfw I still can remember her smell, and that cute ping in her voice that always made me giggle
>tfw I'll never feel it with anyone ever again

>why am I not dead yet

>>688443453

This is the story of a good friend of mine. I met him while he had his own place. I liked him a lot, we shared a lot in common. He opened up to me a lot, and he told me his story. I knew how he felt, and knew he wasn't happy, but I thought he would get past it. One night, he texted me: "I wrote a draft of my autobiography with some notes for you. Whether or not my story is shared is left up to you, Anon. You were a good friend, goodbye.

I was just reading a book when I got the text message. I called 911 and told them what happened. I rushed to his apartment, I arrived before police did. I kicked down his door. I yelled at him. I found him in his room, on his bed, wearing a suit, a gun in his hand, and a bullet wound through his head. I broke down in tears. I went to my knees and cried. I knew not to do anything to his body and try not to contaminate the crime scene.

RIP Anon

I put of sharing his story for a long time. I'm working towards that now, I just started, actually, but I thought I'd share this with you guys. I'm crying right now. Even though I didn't know him for very long, he was one of the, if not the best friend I ever had.

>>688445140
At least wait to bawww with us on thursday asian anon

>>688444777
Allright.

We humans, were so weird. We search for acceptance and approval in people we don't know or like. We search for love for years in end and when we find it and destroy it, we hate ourselves and bathe in depression and self-pitty because of our own actions. In the end we look upon what we had and regret not being more careful. There are things we would say to our family but not our friends and visa versa, but then we go online to places like this and tell people we've never met before things we wouldn't think about telling that person you call your best friend. We take things we have then destroy it, no matter how we feel its inevitable, then as said earlier we yearn for that thing we destroyed to come back. We humans were so weird.
I had a girlfriend 3 years ago or so. I didn't think I loved her but it was nice, we dated and I did nothing but hurt her, and never thought twice. Then one day I was forced to move and broke it off immediately, upon moving here I dated one girl, that was 2 years ago. I now sit in my bed talking to people I don't know, while wallowing in self-pitty over a relationship I destroyed, because of my own actions which I thought were justified, but in truth, my actions were field by rage and self righteousness. We humans are so weird...

So thursday night look for the bawww thread from the double trips god. Ill see you all then

>>688430292
clannad

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>>688419342
More accurate version.

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>>688445219
>>688439066

fuckkkk

What are some anime you guys watch that make you baww most? Other than clannad

>>688439066
Damn.

>>688421891
filthy spic

>>688446327
I really thought he was really someone who could change the world.

He hung the USB drive by the ceiling next to his bookshelf. He left a bunch of notes all over the house telling me where the USB drive was. The weird shit he did was always funny.

The notes in the USB drive told me I could ask his parents and family about parts he couldn't remember, mostly the stuff before what I posted.

I'm pretty sure his family feels like shit.

First love and GF. 4 year long relationship. I lend her $1200 so she can go on vacation for 5 weeks. 1 week in her vacation she says she doesn't want to be with me anymore and she is much happier alone. Then cuts all contact with me. It's been a month now. I'm broken, hollow, empty inside. I left my friends, my dreams for her. I thought time would heal my pain. But I just so sad and angry that I take out my anger on my parents. Most times I'm just sitting doing nothing at all. I don't want to do anything at all. After all this time, how could she not even think about send me even 1 text? She blocked me from all social media cause she said she doesn't want to show me what she's doing in life. Lately she was my only happiness. Every day when I get home from work, I ask myself the same question. If I had a gun, would I kill myself? And everyday the answer to that question is Yes.

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>>688446027
Here's something i saved a long time ago.

>>688449033
That's sweet. Thank you.

>>688443758
Fuck. I feel like this is how the conversation would go if I tried to contact the girl who ruined me 4 years ago.

I seriously don't know how 4 years can go by and I still think about her and have dreams of her. We were young and stupid, it shouldn't have meant so much to me, but it did.

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>>688449033
>>688449483
Jesus fucking christ this is now a cringe thread.

>>688449723
I know how you feel. 21 now, but in high school I dated a lot, one for a year but the others shorter. Since then nothing.. but there are 2 girls that haunt my dreams and waking thoughts pretty much every day. One Ive been in love with since 6th grade. We dated for a few months in 9th grade and she moved away so we split. Then she moved back senior year but has been in other relationships the whole time. The other is 2.5 years younger than me. I fell in love with her right away about 2 years ago, but she was 17 at the time. Her mom wouldnt let me ever see her so we slowly stopped talking after like 9 months. Now she is almost 19 but has a bf. We had literally everything in common and she is so beautiful.. Everything about her makes me think she is "the one" but Im afraid Ill never even talk to her again

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>>688450905

this whole album is the feels

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSi_FE52TAY

>>688417697
actually yes. Academic life is my life.

>>688425206
So beautiful. I'm alive to contemplate this beauties.

>>688445184
>says all the generic looking anime characters look so cute
>says all the generic looking anime characters
>says all the generic looking anime
>says all the generic
>generic

You don't deserve her anyway if you don't like Japanese animation. Kill yourself in peace.

>>688439066
and then you woke up without legs.

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>>688417697
Emotional empath here, I think I'm sad all the time because I never take the time to care for myself.
But I don't do so because I don't care about myself. My best friend dealt with a childhood of abuse, he has anxiety and depression. I had a sheltered, but happy childhood.
How can I sit and tend to negative emotions that I have no right to?
I exhaust myself trying to comfort everybody around me, I'm always tired because I'm an emotional dumping ground. But I'd feel useless if I want one.
How do you take care of yourself guys? How do you shut everyone out and love yourself when the only thing that you love about yourself is the ability to help others?

My son is the only reason I'm still alive right now. God knows no one else wants me around.

>Be me, 25 years old
>have a pretty damn good job as a shift supervisor at a powdered metal factory
>have some good workers on my shift. some are druggies but they never come in fucked up and they do good work so who cares
>some of the people there i'd consider friends at this point of working with them
>pretty well respected despite being as young as i am in a leader position
>only one person who works is around my age really so i really always clicked with her
>lets just call her mary since its her middle name
>always got along well enough but in the last few months we start to get closer and closer
>I dont usually associate with workers too often outside of the plant cause i never want to be biased or favor anyone
>until one night
>now before i go on, i work second shift. 3pm-11pm
>everyone on the shift has my phone number and vice versa just in case they need to call me to say theyre late or calling off or if i need to tell them to stay home for some reason, you get it.
>around 10pm one day checking around on the peoples machines
>get to mary's
>after a couple of minutes checking the parts made i get a message
>from her
>i look over at her and say "you know you cant be texting at work"
>she says in a borderline whisper
>"just read it"

before i get to the message lets talk about "mary" shes 21 years old, brunette, around 5'3 maybe 125 pounds, shes not a 10/10 but she is very cute and super nice. kinda has a deepish voice for a girl, like a slightly nasally scarlet johansen is the best way i can describe it. shes cute, funny, and is never quiet. so her whispering struck me as off

>pull my phone back out of my pocket and swipe open the message
>"wanna go for a couple of drinks after work?"
>I havent been out with a girl in a few years at this point, im not exactly ugly id like to think, about 6 foot tall around 190 pounds, some of its fat but some muscle. pretty average builld
>just always focused more on my job and my hobbies cause rewarding

anyone care?

please don't kill yourself your dog won't understand why you never came home

>>688455111
I think you saved my life

>>688417697
Are we allowed to post cautious optimism/happy feels here? Because for pretty much the first time ever, that's how I feel.

>be total awkward nerd in school, did super well academically and had one or two really close friends I hung out with all the time but didn't really get along with anyone else and got picked on a lot
>Get out of school, work ass off at shitty labor job to pay for university
>Study chemical engineering
>Doing really well, 4.0 GPA, but drift out of touch with friends and too shy (and too busy working and doing school) to make more
>Gradually realize I don't enjoy doing this at all, despite it being interesting to learn
>Keep going because people expect it of me, don't want to disappoint them
>Alone basically all the time by this point, still doing really well but the workload between job to pay for rent/school and school itself is killer
>Parents break up, previously family was really close and was basically the one good thing I had left
>Fuck.jpg
>Finally decide fuck it, I don't like this and there's no way I want to spend the next 40 years of my life doing it, let alone spend another five years and fuck knows how much money studying it
>Drop out
>Family makes it very clear they're pretty unhappy about this
>Try not to care too much, but it hurts like hell
>Quit labor job because I never liked it
>Get job in a kitchen, start as prep guy
>Discover I actually have a real talent for this, get promoted up to actual line work pretty quickly
>Start cooking all the time away from work too, quickly realize this makes me happy in a way that nothing I've done before did
>kitchen workers are all bros, anyone who's worked in a well-run kitchen knows the camaraderie there is GOAT
>Move to a nicer city, get new kitchen job at better restaurant, same thing but now even better because the chef and sous are extremely talented and knowledgeable and I'm learning new stuff constantly
>Sock money away as much as I can, sell car and bus to work, etc
cont

>>688454671
Cont. Because why the hell not

>>688454671
Dude, yes.
Except for minor details this is scary close to my life.
>Same age
>Lead operator at asphalt plant, not powdered metal, know EXACTLY what you mean though.
>Work same shift
>hooked up with girl I worked with

How'd that go for you?

>>688455502
Sorry, post slightly too long.
>Going to culinary school in the fall
>top-tier program, lots of hands on training, guaranteed internship, almost 100% job placement rate etc
>So excited
>Doing something I'm passionate about is improving literally every area of my life. I'm more confident, happier, sweating it out every day in the kitchen has cut my weight down so I look better
>cautious optimism about life for first time since I can't even remember when

Anybody else feel like they're finally stepping out from under a dark cloud they didn't even know they were lugging around?

>>688455920
You grew up. Congratulations, mate.

>>688425206
theres nothing after, but theres something now. enjoy it.

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>>688422565
Edgy.

>>688455920
congrats man

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>>688439066
No

>>688435780
ouch.

Sorry thought thread died so got off. Im listening if you are still venting. This is still double trips god btw. I hope to see you all here thursday night

knowing this is 4chan I'm already prepared to get hate for this but I'm posting anyways idc

I used to be obsessed with self harm and cutting myself and I've got some great scars on my thighs as the aftermath (not wrists because it's easier to hide on thighs) and basically my logic is that I'm a piece of shit and deserve to feel pain but now that summer has rolled around I can't have cuts on my legs during short/swimsuit season

so what do I do? I find a different form of self harm. I started sleeping around. usually one night stands but a few repeats. as a girl I get 0 enjoyment from sex I just get blasted drunk and let a guy fuck me because 9/10 I'll start crying because it hurts so much and I feel empty and emotionless afterwards which is all the same benefits of cutting myself!

pretty pathetic hey

>blushing like a motherfucker
>BetaAtWarp10Captain
>she laughs at me jokingly and says to calm down its just drinks
>I say yes of course cause cute girl wants to see meandohmygod
>rest of the night kinda flies by in a haze but everything musta been fine cause not fired
>11pm comes around and we all clock out
>in the parking lot she comes up to me and asks where i parked
>lead her over to my jeep
>should mention she walks to work, are is in a city where its pointless to have a car if youre a local so nolicense.jpg
>unlock doors and she gets right in
>head to (local bar name withheld)
>no one really there but a few alcoholics, the bartender, and us. Was a thursday night
>sit down and start off with a couple mix drinks
>fuck yeah jack and coke
>start talking, mostly about work and people there cause casual
>starts to get to personal lives
>family, friends, hobbies, etc
>she plays vidya, likes to shoot funs, all in all pretty cool girl, but mentions a boyfriend
>after a couple hours of talking and the occasional drink i tell her we otta head out while im still sober (we didnt really drink much just something to keep our hands cold while bullshitting)
>pull up to her apartment and she gets out and says "i had fun anon, nice to know you're not as much of an ass outside of work" and walks in the building
>still to this day wont tell me if she was serious or not
>over the next few weeks we talk more and more at work and occasionally text eachother outside of work to talk
>even eat our lunches and take breaks together in my car while talking and joking
>learn eachothers pasts and become pretty close
>she tells me about her boyfriend (i know im a moron) and that hes a giant ass apparently
>refraining from going full white knight
until
>a few weeks ago
>sitting in my jeep with her, windows rolled down, talking about deadpool movie not that it matters what we were talking about.
>white older dodge van whips into the parking lot and pulls in a few spaces down from me

>>688455111
trips god speaks the truth

>>688422573
Same thing happened to me, only the other way around.

Talk to him.

>>688417697
my dreams to smoke cannabis

>>688457174
show tits

>>688457174
I've been in the same place. I always cut on my lower legs so nobody would bother me about it, it's really not worth the scars man.
I tend to keep a rubber band around my wrist and snap it almost constantly. The pain is distracting enough to do the trick.
Another necessity is removing any and all sharp objects from your home. And I mean all, make them inaccessible. Be prepared to use plastic silverware because all normal silverware needs to be locked away.
Start taking 5-HTP, it helps with mood improvement. Find something that boosts your feelings of self worth.

>>688457289
continue fagget

>>688423512
...they make take our lands but they will never take our potatoes

>>688457663
I've tried the rubber band method and it personally doesn't do much for me since seeing blood is a big part of it that I crave I guess. I've been clean from cutting for months but boy do I have the strongest urge to relapse worse than I ever have tonight.

>>688417697
My mood and mental health are slowly declining because I'm afraid to sleep.
I have awful nightmares, some reoccurring, and they just give me this huge sense of dread at night.
If it's not that, it's sleep paralysis. I made the mistake of trying to sleep with a fan on because it was hot, my night was littered with bouts of SP where all I could here was this fucking shrieking.
God I just wish I could sleep and never dream like this again.

>>688458364
Do you have any tattoos? If not look into getting tattoos with a lot of red in them. I have one on my arm that's pretty visually stimulating for the wanting to see blood thing.
Why did you cut before?

>>688458581
the commitment of tattoos has never appealed to me but I'll look into it and u can't remember a specific reason for cutting when I started. my best guess was probably a bad bipolar episode that just threw me into feeling like I needed to punish myself. I started 3 years ago so I really can't remember. been off and on since then

>>688429226
Feels thread. Get out summer.

>>688458836
The commitment of tattoos is a lot better than the commitment of scars.
Have you sought out any professional help yet?

>>688457289
>>688454671
forgot to link these together

>a guy gets out of the van
>a little shorter than me, maybe 145 pounds, skinny no muscle
>walks up to my passenger side window where mary is sitting and tells her to get in his car cause they need to talk
>ask him who the fuck he is
>"im her boyfriend asshole"
>she goes over to his car with him and is obviously in an argument
>lunch break ends we all go inside
>walk up to her and ask what that was all about
>she says he came to talk to her but got pissed when she saw him in a car with another guy
>stupid anon me is at around 35% white knight rage and thats when it hit me
>god dammit im pretty sure i love this girl despite it being incredibly stupid
>next day
>everything goes normal as it should
>around 9:30 i say fuck it
>ask mary "wanna grab a drink after work?"
>at least its a friday this time
>she says yes
>after work we go to the bar
i dont know how many of you have worked in any industrial buildings with machinery, but theyre not particularly well lit btw
>get into the bar
>notice shes wearing makeup
>i dont think ive ever actually seen her wear it so i make a passing comment that she looks nice
>she gets a grim look on her face and says thanks
>well thats weird
>we talk for a bit and she says sorry about her boyfriend
>"why are you apologizing he was being a fuck"
>says its her fault for sitting with me
>then something clicks in my mind
>ask her why shes wearing makup
>she gets immediately defensive but after some "you can tell me"s she tells the truth
>the asshole hit her when he saw her after work
>white knight at full potential
>decide then and there if i see that guy again hes dead
>after we leave the bar and im driving her home i have my hand resting on my shifter
>thats what vehicles that men drive have
>she puts her hand on top of mine
>Im not a virgin or anything, ive HAD a few girlfriends and some randoms from nights out, but idk why this just made me feel warm and... good

>>688422573
its crazy how similar this is to something that happened to me, except i don't try to contact him out of spite

>>688459110
I've been seeing a therapist & a psychologist for almost a year now I was put on epival and altruline for a while but honestly most of therapy is for coping with ptsd I haven't dived too deep into stopping self harm

>>688427457
yeah man it doesnt seem like a big deal until you've been to prison twice, missed your sisters graduation and your older brothers wedding. watched your mom age 15 years seemingly over night, until youre the only one in the family that cant seem to get their shit straight. Until you've lied to cheated and stole from everyone who's ever given an iota of a fuck about you. Until you cant come to holiday dinners, until you have nothing left but a lot of blown veins and the shit doesnt even give you a relief from the despair and self loathing you feel. Until you're 35 and dont have shit, you've spent the last 13 or 14 years in prison or homeless. Until you've overdosed twice and are just a used up piece of refuse that no body wants. until you're looking at pictures from your childhood on your moms facebook and wondering what life couldve offered you if you hadnt tried the shit. Until you have nothing and you are nothing. Then you'll wish you hadnt fucked with it.

>>688459226
Godamnit, Nathan.

i got sniped 6 times in a row today by widowmaker as farrah. i tried to go behind and get a good ult on her, just blow my whole ult just to kill her, but she 180 quickscoped me before i could say JUSTIC-

>>688459194
>falling in love with a girl who has a fuck'd up relationship with her boyfriend also mentally unstable.

you must hate yourself that much.

>>688459513
I feel for you..

>>688459888
would i be on a feels thread, or 4chan at all, if i didnt hate myself

>>688459194
>>688461212
im going to hate you too i fyou dont finish the story

>>688459194
sorry im probably over doing the details and im a bad writer i know, sorry

>made it awkward to change gears when necessary but i didnt want to let go of her hand
>pull in front of her building
>talk for a few moments about nothing of note
>then it happens
>she kisses me
>it wasnt a hot steamy porn kiss or anything insanely passionate, but it caught me off guard
>the softness of her lips, the way her hand nervously shook in mine while it happened, the warm air coming out of her nose as she breathed, the heat rising in my cheeks and the pounding in my chest
>its amazing the way time slows down during moments like that, the things you notice
>sensations
>smells
>feelings
>tastes
>thoughts
>but not her boyfriend watching through the window
>he storms out and absolutely flips his lid when he sees us
>she gets out and starts crying telling him shes sorry and starts saying how hes been nothing but an ass and how she deserves better (im sure most of you have either heard or know a variant of that speech so i wont drag it out)
>he slaps her and says to get inside
>there it is folks, rice on a paper plate in a blizzard. so white i buy a tv in a riot
>pull my "truck gun" i keep in a holster beneath my driver seat (sig sp2022 if you're curious)
>get out of my jeep and point my gun at him and tell him to go inside or im repainting the wall with his head
>he obeys like a good little bitch
>she breaks down
>get her back in my car and we pull out again
>take her back to my place for the night and lock the doors
>sit on the couch in my living room and turn on the tv for some background noise
>talk about what happened and she apologizes again and again for getting me into this
>tell her im not worried about it
>after around an hour she falls asleep and slumps over on me, so i just fall asleep myself
>wake up around 11am
>she's gone already
>check phone
>nothing
>around noon i get a call from work, HR department

>>688459478
lmao who's nathan

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>>688461563
i was telling myself ill read just one more
you got me.
>FINISH IT FINISH IT

>>688461563
Finish it. I need to do my meditation before sleep.

>>688461563
btw our "HR department" is basically just one lady and we all have her phone number in case we need her

>called to inform me someone on my shift put their 2 weeks notice in
>asked who
>Mary Lastname
>heart sinks, knew this couldnt be good.
>try texting her and calling her a couple of times but nothing
>whatever ill just talk to her at work on monday, not going to let this ruin my weekend
>but, she's not there today
>spend the day ghosting through my daily routine
>next day
>shes at work, try talking to her but shes avoiding any subject not directly related to work
>fine, if thats how its going to be its not like i care
>next couple of days go on like this and it pisses me off and hurts like hell
>decide enough is enough
>corner her and ask what has been going on
>"im.. not allowed to talk to you anymore.. i dont want anything bad to happen"
>finally got her to talk to me, but that just made it complicated
>ask what she means
>that friday night he apparently trailed me to my apartment, and called her saturday morning and threatened her if she didnt come with him. she was too scared to wake me up and tell me so she went
>he threatened to kill both of us if we kept talking or seeing eachother
>so she decided to quit to protect herself and me
>i tell her im not worried about some skinny woman beater
>she's not even close to convinced but who can blame her

>>688463218
type faster faggot, this shit is good

>be me
>be 11 years old
>Sisters birthday is near mine
>parents decide to have her birthday on saturday
>saturday was the day of mine
>whole day is about her, everyone brought presents for her, not even relatives brought me anything
>mom tells me it doesnt matter anon you dont have any friends anyway
>kek

>>688463218
finish this retarded story. thread is going to die

>>688422339
damn man, shit

>>688463218
You have to hurry and finish shitlord, thread is kill

>>688463218
>so afraid of her boyfriend beating her that she makes passes at you
? ive never understood this mentality it pisses me off just like the pos she was with

go on

>>688463218
Continue motherfucker, continue

>>688463863
I know, right? The girl is just as much of a cunt as the guy is. And then the guy writing it is a dick too for fucking with the taken girl. This story is fucking retarded

>>688418958
Why did you post that pic bud?

Night guys. See you thursday night for bawww thread marathon

>>688464177
its like a real life novela/sitcom where everyone is a shithead for different reasons but they all feel justified bc of past actions the others took against them

why didnt the bitch just break up with the guy THEN ask anon out

i fucked up, /b/

>>688463218
fuck you. I'm going to sleep. Good luck with your psycho-gf. bye

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>Be 15 yo little fag
>been together with qt3.14 called Niki, 14 yo long brown curly hair green eyes.
>wanttobewithherforever.webm
>no sex jet, it was first love for both of us, lots of petting and sleepover.
>we went to the same school, always went to see her between classes.
>one day, on my way to her but she is not in school, ask one of her girlfriend where she is.
>"oh hey anon, Niki moved away, she didn't told you?"
>apparently her dad got a new job, moved to another state alone, after a few months, family went after him, she never mentioned it to me.
>moved away without telling me, never got a proper breakup.
>hurts till this day.

>>688464382
It's always the fucking girl who starts everything in all of those shows, too

>>688463218
You take fucking forever

I'm out, fuck your shitty story

>>688418995
I always thought the same thing.

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I've got a few things to contribute from my earlier life...

>me
>5th grade. Back then I hung out with 5 or 6 (pretty sure it was 5) friends as a big group
>We went to an award ceremony for graduation from ES
>there was this brunette girl whom I am pretty sure loved me. We were always together, and at recess, when my friends were off playing, we would sit on a hill, and sometimes she'd lay her head on my leg and look at me and grin, then start talking about whatever. I can recall one incident in January of my 5th grade year, where I brought this big blanket to school because it was some day where students could bring blankets and pillows per teachers directions. We laid together under mine and shared a pillow. She would always be so cute and basically act like a sweetheart.
>day before last day of school
>She asks to speak to me
>I say sure
>"Anon... I love you"
>I was overcome with some feeling that felt like shock and joy
>"I... I love you too" I say
>she starts crying
>I ask what's wrong
>she tells me she's moving to Indianapolis. I live in NE Atlanta
>"I see...."
>"I'm going to miss you so much" she says tearfully
>"Me too" I say
>I give her a pendant I always wore to remember me by as a going away present or something
>She gives me a $1 from 1963 that she told me was a good luck token for her

I still have said $1 to this day. I always carry it in my wallet, although I've thought of framing it up. Pic related, is the same bill.

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>>688464659
>15
>Thinking you know true hurt at 15

>>688464844
Continued...

Back in Elementary School, I always hung out with a small group of friends, the girl included but on a bit of a higher note to me I suppose. Honestly to me she was something special
>Last day of 5th grade
>we all sit under a big oak tree in front of our school
>talk, play with lego figures (those were the shit back then)
>final bell rings
>we all stand under the tree
>"Well, this is it" I say to everyone
>"Farewell, anon." Friend 1
>"Thanks for everything" Friend 2
>"So long pal" Friend 3
>"Goodbye" Friend 4
>"See you next time" friend 5

Of course I was touched, but somehow I felt nothing of it. That, as I learned, was a downright stupid mistake to make. One that may have very well cost me my happiness in life.

>>688430983
yes you can the phone is right over there

>>688463218
>the rest of the week goes slowly
>I didnt realize until she started avoiding me how much time i really spent talking to her
>i didnt realize how much other people noticed
>got questioned throughout the days if me and mary broke up or were fighting or something, they all assumed we were together
>i wished we were together
>i knew it was dangerous and i knew it was stupid
>but god dammit
>i finally found someone i wanted to be with and i didnt want anyone to stand in my way
>spent that weekend thinking about things, didnt sleep very well, just thinking about her, about a possible us
>thinking how because of me who knows what she might have went through
>i cant let this happen to her
>monday rolls around and towards the end of the day i decide to lay it all out
>what do i have to lose? friday is her last day if she still leaves. I knew that could happen and i knew it would hurt, but i had to chance it
>on lunch break i ask her to talk to me
>she does
>I tell her everything, i tell her how i feel, i tell her she's an idiot for staying with the asshole, i tell her she's stupid for coming out with me even though she knew how he'd react, tell her i knew she had to feel something for me
>she tells me she's sorry again for putting all of this on me
>she tells me she again that she's tried to leave him but can't cause he always threatens her and she's scared
>i ask her why she asked me out for drinks that night then
>"i dont know ok!"
>of course im pissed, i feel used. i reach for the handle on my jeep
>open the door, get on the floor, everyone walk the dinosaur

>>688464935
Continued again...

>last July
>Me and friend 2 end up going to same middle and high school together
>I go over to his house one day.
>"Anon, do you remember all of our friends from ES?"
>"Yes, I do"
>"Do you know what ever happened to them?"
>"I don't know"
>"We should find out"
>"Y'know, that's not a bad idea"

Fast forward to 4 days later.
>searching for friends names on FB and Google
>search name for friend 5
>first thing I see is an article dated 4-2014
>"High School Student killed in car crash"
>look into article
>see his name listed as the killed occupant
>Killed by drunk driver, his sister who was driving him was seriously injured, but stable
>I scream "No, it can't be!!"
>all of it sinks in
>go to bed crying that night

>>688465016
Continued yet again

Next day...

>Tell friend 2 I have some news to tell him
>"What's up anon?"
>"Friend 5 was killed in 2014. I'm sorry"
>asks to see article
>I send it to him
>he hangs up phone
>get text from him at 8 at night
>he was crying all day because of it
>"I can't believe he's gone"
>then, it all sinks in
>See you next time!
>Next time...
>Next time never came

Today, not a moment goes by where I think of those I befriended, loved, cared for oh so long ago. To give a timeframe of it all, I'm about to become a senior in High School this upcoming August. My last day of Elementary School was May 26, 2010. My moral of the story is, the little things sometimes mean everything, such as the dollar bill from the girl. And my other moral is to never take those you love for granted. Now, because of what my curiosity has brought up and what I did in taking my friends for granted and losing all contact with them, the words "See you next time!" Have a haunting, dark meaning to them. In a way I feel like this friend is still attached to me, for we were really close, but maybe that's more something for /x/ rather than here on /b/.

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>>688417697

life is suffering. why people think that it shouldnt be is beyond me. there is a way out though. both jesus and buddha agree on that.

>>688449033
You will always be my /b/rother Anon.

I live through the same thing everyday nothing changes I'm alone I can't keep friends and the only real close friend have right now is sad and I can't help him since I'm an emotionless prick I don't understand these things yet I'm sad every single moment and I can't even express I just wish I had someone I connected with not love but just someone I can relate to

>>688438712
I remember what its like to forgive everything and yourself to where all of the sudden you controlled anger or stressful emotions

>>688453988
That poem's bullshit, cats don't question life.

>>688465016
Fuck you, I was emotionally invested in this.

This video gets me every time
https://youtu.be/3RE5hTwApDk

>>688424533
Gay

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>>688464780
damn youre right. although "marry"'s guy went over board she probably instigated the whole thing and as anything thats good is there is always a sequel thats really a prequel so i will finish anons story

MARY 2:ON ICE
>be me, mary
>crushing student debt from failed uni loan
>meet boyfriend
>itotallylovehimandshit i even give him a bj sometimes
>he pays for my debt and i move in with him
>despite my nagging he cant afford to buy me a car and afford to live+apartment since my car got repossessed
>#heworksfulltimebutimstillnotaprincess
>he is a "nice guy" but am seriously tired of his "feeling like a roommate" spiel-i said i touched his dick sometimes right?
>anyway, getting bored running out of money-my boyfriend only gives me a few hundred bucks every week and its not cutting it anymore
>evil bitch mode engaged
>anon at work is cute
>set hook
>"get caught" kissing anon by boyfriend
>after discovering my betrayal bf hits me and makes threats
>easy street
>anon saves me
>next morning sneak out of house to go see an attorny
>suing bf for all hes got
>suing anon for sexual harassment in the work place
>the end

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I'm sick of society. I hate EVERYONE!!! I'd buy a gun and shoot up some public place then myself if I could, but mental illness is on my record. FUCK 3V3RYON3. I wish I could be normal.

>>688466098
I kek'ed heartily

>>688466298
God damn, and here I was against gun control. You fucked up nig. You need to chill the fuck out and figure out how to function. Smoke some weed, get some exercise, get on a good sleep schedule. Cause if this isn't bait, you need to re-evaluate your life

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Harden up you fucking losers. Stop being so pathetic and weak!!

>>688459513
she counters you so you shouldn't expect to beat her without switching

>>688466588
dude, there are some people who are genuinely so sick that their mindset is like that.