>>688234199
I used to think about it since I was 5 or so. Life is fucked up the way it is. Killing yourself will not make the world change.

>>688234199
no one will ever love me and everyone leaves me. drops mic

>>688234930
Ok, lil peep, calm down.

Chemical imbalance

>>688234930
Do you love you?

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>>688234199
>I'm trying to overheat and die!
literally wat

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>>688234914
I'e been thinking about it heavily for years now.

If it wasn't for my parents and sister I would just kill myself. I wouldn't want them to have to go through with that though because they don't deserve it

>>688235655
Yep, in this case, could make the world even worse for them.

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>>688235604
do you even meme bro

Because the girl i love doesn't love me.

>>688234199
>trying to over heat
>on a rainy and cloudy day
she'll be dead from stupidity soon anyway

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>>688235899
It could be worst. I haven't even talked to a girl other than grocery store clerks in like 2 years

I think about it regularly but not because I'm actually suicidal. I would never kill myself but think more about why I wouldn't do it even though it would release me from everything if that makes sense.

>>688234199
what if i wanna break the glass just 4 rape her & maybe later kill her my nigga

>>688236373
same for me except the one i love who i had but lost 4 years ago i just cant let go now she might be dating one of my best friends.

>>688236716
What if you kill yourself?
>mankind profit.

I got a dui strictly due to technicality not even a year after high school. Didn't even have a record at all prior. Can't find a job worth a shit now and I've been in a spiraling depression ever since.

>>688234199
the meaning I had in living has shriveled, it was once wrapped in a more spiritual way of living. I have only accomplished multiple mental breakdowns and suicide attempts all by overdoses. The breakdowns have caused the loss of jobs, apartments, and family. From homelessness and prostitution at the worst of it. Nearing my 30s and finally somewhat well. Still remorse lurks and it sucks losing family and friends due to estrangement. Living with my SO now is quite alright. Except he has a multitude of firearms. I contemplate taking one out and just eating lead.

Just a passing feeling though, that only comes heavily when I the truth of myself surfaces, I only hope to ever fucking tell someone absolutely everything.

cause I havent had friends or a gf in 6 years. can't describe how lonely I always feel. still, this is better than being dead. atleast i'm alive and can feel. life, even in the lowest depths of depression and sadness, is infinitely better than being dead forever

>>688234199
> was sexually abused as a kid and never been able to have a sexual relationship since.

But life gets easier the older you get...

here's a VN on steam for someone...

HI0GA-RJFVH-TC9??

??= Alpha Papa

>>688234199
Because I have been abandoned repeatedly by those that I thought cared about me. And no matter how hard I try, no one seems to want to care about me or be my friend.

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>>688238091
Thanks... I guess

>>688238320
> gives you a hug then walks away

>>688238415
you're welcome... or, I'm sorry :D

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>>688238320
you and me both, anon

>>688236373
pretty much this except its been 6 years for me. fml.

>>688238655
It's not something I'm into. But, I appreciate the sentiment.

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>>688234199

>>688234914
but it ends ur suffering though

>>688235899
Fuck that shit.

I was with the girl I love for 2 years after knowing her and thinking about her all the time for 2 years and she dropped me a couple of weeks ago.

Now she wants to be friends and tries to act like that's all it is now.

Fucking live, work on yourself and don't worry about being with the person you love.

You will find someone that will love you.

>>688239408
thanx bro.

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>>688234199
Because for some fucked reason, I can never be happy within a relationship

Like, not even a week ago I broke up with my gf because she wasn't spending time with me,
Yeah, I get she had a kid (not mine) 4 months ago, but since then, I've only seen her 7 times over the child's lifespan

>>688239346
What is life but an endless suffering?

>>688239723
>girlfriends kid

CUCK
U
C
K

>>688239723
How dare that single mother spend her time with her new born baby and not her new boyfriend! What a bitch!

>>688239965
he could be grooming the kid for 'use' later

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>>688239408
Same shit happened to me except she started dating some other dude on the same day she dumped me after no sign. I'd assume she was cheating, but I can't verify anything she said, so what's the point in speculating? It was a few days after (The plan failed due to possible made up reasons) I'd planned to leave my family behind and go and get married. We'd been planning it for months. Weirdest part was that she was suffocating me. Clingey-est GF I've ever had. She made me sleep in a skype call with her every night. It was actually ruining my life, but I stuck with it for her. wat do

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>>688239965
I know, fucking cringeworthy
Which is why i left her
Although it turned into a friends with benefits type of deal after I broke it off

Is her

>>688234199
If you're feeling depressed go take a trip to somewhere incredible and try something incredible. Let's say go and surf at Hawaii for start or go fishing at the Bahamas. If you're close to suicide, at least spend some money to see if you still have a will to live.

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>>688240722
I have no money because debt

>>688240062

It was more like she 'couldn't' find a sitter or not let me come and visit her at her house, especially when her mother is there,
She is also a whore, btw

>>688240722
Takes a lot of motivation to break the vacation mould in this day and age. You could get one of those package deals where you're ferried around by some tour guides, but that doesn't sound too fun to me.

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>be me
>socially retarded shy cunt
>have a crush on an exchange student
>be too scared to talk to her
>gather courage for about 2 months and finally talk to her
>drop spaghetis and make yourself look like a total autist
>still talk to her a couple of times on facebook because u are desperate
>have never used any drugs before (not even weed)
>start using opioids to self medicate ur depression and anxiety


>today
>6 months have passed
>be high on oxycodone, in fact been high on it 247 for the past 2 weeks
>she has already travelled back to her home country
>browse through her fb pictures where she poses with other guys and her friends
>have dreams about you n her and want to kill yourself every time you wake up from a dream like that
>still believe she might send me a message one day and tell me she loves me
>consider an hero because I'll never become anything and I'm a total failure

Society is superficial.
People are extremely selfish.
Women are sluts (mostly)
Theres a shit ton of people dying of starvation at the moment.
Human nature is disgusting.
I hope that the afterlife makes sense out of all this shit.

>>688234199
Lol. Is that real? What a fucking attention whore.

>>688241247
Go to Switzerland. They do euthanasia there

>>688241598
>I hope that the afterlife makes sense out of all this shit.

See your problem is thinking that there's sense to make out of it.

>>688241598
There is no afterlife.

>>688241298
livestream it newfag

>>688242054

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>>688234199
I'm 29, white, breddy good-looking. I've been in three long term, fulfilling relationships. I've had plenty of good times - loads of friends, plenty of good sex, laughs, etc.

I make $50,000 a year. I live in a nice apartment in NYC with my girlfriend of five years.

I want to kill myself everyday. I had a major depressive episode when I was 18 - didn't leave my bed for six months. The feeling went away and everything was business as usual until about six months ago.

I now live with overwhelming, crippling anxiety and blinding depression. I can barely muster the energy to get out of bed, let alone fulfill my duties as a friend / boyfriend / son / brother / employee.

I cannot keep hiding this from those in my life. I know from experience that nobody sticks around when you get like this - nobody wants a morose, depressing, negative person in their life.

I used to be charasmatic and social. I feel like a shadow of my former self.

Probably going with the Hemingway Solution in the next few months.

I don't want to grow old and sick. I don't want to watch everyone I know drift away, move away, or die.

That's my story.

>>688237387

I remember once I knew a girl, who saw right into people and laughed at the world. She called me spiritual once, piercing through the bluff and bravado I was affecting whilst drunk. I never forgot that. One day our paths crossed and I was in a maudlin place and showed her the razor edge of my tongue for some petty slight I imagined.
A few days later after an argument with her boyfriend she took a chain used for walking a dog and hung herself from a tree she used to sit and smoke in when she was younger.
its never too late to tell anyone. It's too late for her though, and its too late for me to say I'm sorry and I didnt mean it.

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>>688241632
it's a joke you stupid fuck

>>688242424
what happened to the dog?

>>688234199
I was married for 15 years. I have 2 children. My ex-wife cheated on me, in front of my kids (9-13 at the time). My kids lied and hid it from me for 2 months. My family was the only light in my life. I loved them so much that I was able to resist the almost daily impulses to kill myself. I have bipolar d/o (not the shitty internet-self-diagnosed bullshit, the "Holy shit, I've had 15 ECT therapies and 2 inpatient admissions before they realized what it was").

Throughout this all, I worked hard. I provided for my family, even with the urge to eat a bullet, I got up and went to work. I went to concerts and soccer games. I did my absolute best to be a good father and husband. My ex sat on her lazy ass for 5 years and wouldn't get a job. We struggled financially. I tried to get an education to better our situation, but she would just quit her jobs and force me to quit school because I couldn't afford it. Through this all, I was still devoted to her and my kids. Once I discovered her whoring, from my kids, I immediately filed for divorce. She left me for a guy that made more than me and didn't hassle her about getting a job like I did. The joke was on her though, because I turned my back on the profession that I loved and devoted myself to since I was a teenager. I had a professional career. I completed some higher education (before I ever met my ex), and chose a new profession (immediately got a 25k/year raise). This happened 2 years ago and I'm less than a year from completing my master's degree. I have a fantastic and supportive new wife that works, is highly educated, and loves me more than anything else in the world. None of it matters. I think about going to a gun show and buying a pistol all of the time. I've driven to gun shows with the intent of buying a pistol. I take my meds and I talk to a counselor every week. None of it matters. I hate living in pain everyday. When I go to sleep at night, my last thought is always "I wish I could never wake up"

>>688240536
>It was actually ruining my life, but I stuck with it for her.
>wat do

Whatever makes you happy. If you don't know what that is then try and figure it out. You don't have to worry about someone else and how they fit into it anymore.

Being with someone and sharing your happiness with them and vice-versa is a great thing, but your happiness should never be dependent on another person and falling into that is one of the worst mistakes I've ever made.

>>688239910
Why bear through an endless suffering?

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>>688242778
Fuck man... for what it's worth I'm sorry that happened. I'm thinking of ya anon...

>>688242778
I assume you're in America. This is why there should be stricter gun laws.

>>688242793
Thanks. I'm trying and have made some headway in getting my life back. I have a job, but the main issue is that I have no friends any more. All of my old friends are at uni and got sick of me never being around (While I was with her. She stopped me from going out through emotional manipulation). I'm thinking about using tinder or something but that kind of shallow connection makes me feel kinda shitty. I don't really feel like socialising, I just want some people to be there for me.

>>688243264
Thank you. Life is horrible for some people.
>>688243456
You're absolutely right. There is no way anyone should ever give me access to a firearm. Yet, here we are with a second amendment and my ability to buy a glock 19 at a flea market with no waiting period.

>>688242350
See a shrink. Talking therapy and CBT work for some. Drugs work for others.If you're life is on a relatively even keel and you are this fucked up, something is up either with your general line of thinking or brain chemistry or both.

I had the exact same thing happen: 18-19 massive depressive episode for months. Then I was mostly fine for years, until my late 20s. I had another 18 month stint had me leave grad school for a over a year while I sorted shit out. That's a fairly common pattern for men with severe depression. I fully expect another one or two sometime in my middle age.

It happens, and it's more common than people admit. Try to get some help before you go munching on some buckshot, dude.

>>688242778
you've got a broken pride dude. let it go. you are with your new wife for the better reasons, and if you really like her, it was for the best

>>688242471
I guess that's why I asked the question, put the dick back in your mouth, faggot.

>>688243908
It seems crazy that you can do that. Now I don't mean you might buy a gun and go crazy with it but someone else could who mentally is not in the right place. There really should be tighter controls on that sort of thing.

Sorry about your bipolar disorder, unfortunately thats not something that a partner/someone else can help with. Continue with the meds and therapy. Change aspects of your life to offset the depressive state of mind as much as possible. It's definitely not nice to go to bed and to wish not to wake up or that the next day is an impossibility (too much to cope with). Hopefully it gets easier and easier to control over time for you. And avoid gun shows! :D

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>>688244245
Thanks /b/ro. I know it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I'm just getting so tired of pretending.

So much sourceless pressure and misery. I want to run from everything, but that's foolish and immature.

I've been thinking about seeing a shrink... I'm wound so tight, though, I really don't want to unspool and confront what seethes beneath.

>suicidal thoughts most days
>unbearable pain erryday
>taken to drinking heavily to escape
>body wasting due to medical condition
>have wife and 4yo son
>awaiting surgery to help alleviate debilitating pain
>have good life cover and fall asleep most nights wishing I don't wake up

I'm 34 and I despise myself and everything about what I have become.

I genuinely hope death claims me soon.

>>688245125
junkrat.bmp

>>688244303
I don't think so. I loved my ex completely. I trusted her implicitly. I believed in her. I was her champion and she was my comfort. We would stay up, looking at the stars, and imagine out lives together. Sure my pride was hurt, but the absolute worst thing is the betrayal. All she had to do was having some sense of decency, it wouldn't have been hard to not involve my kids in her lies and her betrayal. She took everything I had from me. I took care of her lazy ass for 15 years and she stabbed me in the back without remorse. She damaged my relationship with my kids so bad (yes, I know on an intellectual level they're not responsible for being put in a situation where they had to lie to me, that doesn't change the feelings of betrayal and hurt I feel everyday). I was always their advocate and no one thought to advocate for me.

>>688245507
Well one thing you should do is quit drinking. It's a depressant afterall.

>>688243526
> the main issue is that I have no friends any more.
> I don't really feel like socialising

It's always a shitty situation to find yourself in but the only way to get friends that will be there for you is to socialize with people which isn't always easy to do.

Since you've got a job try talking with the people you work with, just don't worry about immediately becoming best friends with them, let it happen naturally.

If nothing else you'll be able to bullshit with people at work.

>>688245507
You should keep living for the sake of your son and wife. You don't want to leave them just because of depression.

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>>688241890
who wants to live forever anyways? we will get back to the cosmos in other forms, maybe we shall become stars once more and finally be beautiful and semi inmortal

>>688245125
1) If you find a therapist that is good at their job and who you gel with, your concerns about opening up won't matter. Think of it like finding a close confidant who is actually trained to help you work through shit. I have drinking buddies who I can blow of stress with, but I can confront my problems and work through them with a therapist. It's just a different type of support structure.

But you gotta work for that shit.

Btw, that dude from Sum 41 actually sorted himself out a while back. He's been sober for ages. Meanwhile he gets to watch his ex-wife's relationship with that douche from Nickleback implode in real time. Feels pretty good, I bet. http://media.gettyimages.com/photos/deryck-whibley-of-sum-41-performs-at-kerrang-tour-2016-at-o2-forum-picture-id511345704

>>688245864
I'm aware of that, but when you have pretty severe arthritic pain bodywide and debilitating abdominal pain which multiplies whenever you drink or eat anything, even tiny amounts, a few drinks at night pales in comparison.

Imagine being 34 and incapable of playing football (soccer for you yanks) with your 4yo. I have to sit and watch his uncles play with him.
Thanks for the advice anyway.

>>688234199
Because I suck at life. How people make it in this world perplexes me.

Does anybody else get the feeling that you need to die? Not that i'm in so much pain I want it to end, but a strange feeling that I just can't be alive anymore and I need to find a way to die?

>>688234199
because ive tried every medicine and narcotic on earth and nothing helps

ive worked jobs, had friends, and a girlfriend, and exercised a fuckton

nothing helps
also I have GID and am 20, Ive tried CBT and shit but it doesnt get rid of the feels. even went to some christian retreat shit. not gonna embarass myself and my family.

i live with parents and cant find a job that isnt depressing as fuck. i use tons of opiates knowing once that wears off i will shoot myself in the head with my deer gun

>>688245608
G'day, Copper.

>>688235252
Same.

>>688246389
I'm not nearly sociable enough to have a real job. I work from home. I guess it's a lie to say I don't have friends. I just have nobody who cares. Maybe I'm asking too much of people. I guess what I meant was that none of my relationships with people make me happy. I would like to have a relationship that made me happy, but I can't even imagine that right now. I think I need to spend time with people that doesn't drain the shit out of me and make me feel worse. I want people to want to be around me, which seems so fucking distance considering what a miserable shut-in I am. I think the non-vague answer is I want my fucking girlfriend back, but she didn't even really exist in the first place. It was all a lie.

tl;dr: I'm unhappy, I want to be happy, I don't know what I want.

>>688245679
that's why i'm telling you about pride. sure, it's just not only about it. but betrayal brings us a terrible sense of "what a fool was I for believing that so clueless". it gets even stronger when you have this sense of taking care of her and she stabbed your trust. fuck, she really made a fool of you. however, the fault lies on her absolute lack of decensy, not on your capability to foresee such betrayal. you could never do that. that's what important, not for your own health but for your new relationships. don't kill your trust in other people trying to get reconciliation with a prior dellusion of not being smart.