bout what

Is life worth living or should I blast my self

>>687887888
Life is worth living

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please i want to be a girly sissy trap, im so depressed because im manly

>>687888207
ppl are into that

>>687886646
loneliness is worse than depression

>>687888207
Height?

Depression occures when you're in the delusion that the world owes you more than it does.

Stop being weak as shit.

Why spend all this time trying to live when you will only die? don't shame this world with your poor attempts at living

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I miss her

>>687888426
I cope with my own depression and selfhatred by talking and helping others with depression.

I guess i'll lurk around and talk a while with you guys. (Diagnosed severe depression here)

Bump.
Talk about what you think that makes you feel the way you do.

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>>687888608
I feel you bro...
I miss her so much...

>>687888608
You'll move on eventually, even if it doesn't seem like it, even if you don't want to right now. Don't think you have to "get rid of" your emotions, let them happen, and eventually they will weaken on their own

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'Cmon guys, just end it already

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KILL YOURSELF.... YOU WONT

You'll never move on, life is meaningless. Go ahead and just end it all

>>687887888
worth living. I've been suicidal once, now i love life, things always get better by themselves. Just gotta stay strong. Sometimes life will come to a point that you will love it and you will never want to kill yourself. Take me as example.
>be me, 22, kissless, virgin, 120 kg at 1.77m(extremely overweight if you dont use the metric system)
>decide to go on a diet, barely eating anything except breakfast and dinner
>lost 40 kg in 1 year of diet
>be 23, now thin, decide to dress more classy. Random people that ignored/never spoke to me start saluting me at school.
>decide to install Tinder. Fuck 11 girls in 1 year. Some in weird places. At one time i was dating 4 girls. I sucked at talking to girls when i was a kid, so i decided to fuck it and talk to them like to a normal human, without cheesy shit, and going with the flow. It worked. Some girls didnt deserve my dick.
>8 march this year, i meet this random 8/10 chick. Not the sexiest, but the cutest. She's basically my soulmate, i love her, and i have never felt so loved in my life. Surely, from this point alot of stuff can go bad, but i'm willing to fight.

So, anon, never blast yourself. Fight. Fight for the stuff you want and you will get them eventually.

>>687887888
>>687888531
Don't fill yourself up with false hope because it only sets you up for failure. Honestly the only way to find true peace is to kill yourself

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I feel with you OP. I have to fake every fucking social interaction and the girl I've loved for years would rather sit at home all day than hang out with me. My friends are just a short distraction for my lonely life but an hero isn't the way to go I don't think. Look at me, I stay up posting pictures of shitty meme versions of fucking Salvadore Dali paintings but I'm not an hero yet:)

>>687891254
Well, to be honest, this is true but, since i guess some of you hate themselve's you should think, what a better way to punish yourself than keep living in this horrible world?
Maybe someday you'll be able to find happiness, or not, who knows?

>>687891254
Blowing your brains out is appealing but don't die a cowards death, die doing something worth dying for even if it's trying to jump across the Grand Canyon on a motor cycle or some shit, go out doing something with a potential upside or whatever.

too bad I know this is all fake
you won't trick me

>>687889584
We all do friend:(

>>687890737
I understand you're trying to help, but your mentality makes me more depressed.

>>687887888
checked
also why has nobody realized this is a tupac line?

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Look on the bright side, you could have been a black slave in the 1800s

>>687892187
Not the same anon, but, mind sharing what makes you feel the way you do?

>>687888521
Oh yeah? What else should I know, doctor?

Talked to my ex for about two days.
Ended up telling her she didn't have to message me, she replied 'ok' and blocked me.
In the end it's for the best. I fucking miss her and I love her but she's changed now, and she probably doesn't feel that way towards me.
It still fucked me up a great deal though.

>>687892430
>implying being black during any time period isnt the worst

At least we have your creamy white skin OP

>>687886646
you just want attention, you aren't depressed. If you are truly depressed, you should get off of this cesspool of a website and make an appointment to speak with a therapist.

>>687892468
People should not be treating depression like it's an attitude. It's a clinical disorder. There is no logical reason for it. Objectively, you could have a perfect life and still be an apathetic, depressive person who makes everyone around you feel terrible. I've read plenty of existential philosophy, where the point is to take pleasure in the fact that to live is to suffer, but it's not that simple. I feel better for a few days after reading such literature, but then it all just comes back to me being a sad sap who is on the verge of crying all the time, but never end up crying even if I actively try to.

So what are the difference between being depressed and feeling extremely apathetic and alone, I don't think I'm depressed but I just constantly feel like shit

>>687886921
Come celebrate ramadan good brother

>>687889418

>>687892745
not op, im on buxon and valproic acid and starting therapy this monday, 4 pills a day, and yet i still come here and talk to faggots like you mate

>>687893060
Confucius was a chode gobbler

I've been pretty upset today because I'm starting to realize what a true fucking autist I am. Unintelligent, my mind cannot comprehend or solve the simplest things and when I try my hardest to I just get fucking angry and give up. If I don't give up I just go zombie mode and my mind can't even grasp up and I end up being Patrick Star.
I CONSTANTLY make an ass of myself, no one fucking talks to me because I'm unapproachable and they have no reason to. Even all my "friends" are just giving up on me because there's nothing to even talk about with me and I'm just shitty in general. This is stuff I've been struggling with for years and I've kinda been in a numb kind of state for the past couple months and haven't been feeling like shit. Its been creeping back this week and all kinda hit me today. I spent 24 hours of the day alone. I'm too autistic to connect with anyone who might wanna talk to me/help me.
Anyways, how you doing anons? Here's a song for my fellow depressed mates
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kBOaLjtR4mw

>>687893064
That's depression... and I share the same constant apathy. Any joy we experience is extremely short-lived and we always just return to obsessing about how futile life is and how absurd it is to delude oneself of anything otherwise.
>inb4 just don't be a pussy you faggot

About to reach my 2 year mark in the military. Lost my only girlfriend to some faggot who drives a miata. Had some hookups since I've been in, even one more serious one. But she stopped talking to me and started dating someone out of nowhere. Loneliness sucks when you're surrounded by people 24/7. I'd have been happier back home as a janitor

>>687892528
It'll be cool anon. Love can be whenever, but there are times to feel sad too.

>>687893060
I know that, we are actually pretty similar to be honest, but usually depression tends to be triggered by some kind of trauma or an event, although not always the case, i used to lurk feels thread's to be able to cry and vent a bit, now i just come here and try to help people to feel less shitty than me. I as well can be very happy at times but never stop hating myself, and although i have no reason to be sad, from times to times i get extremely depressed and then the next week im alright again, but it doesn't goes away.

>>687893679
Well that actually describes me very well... Shit

>>687892187
it may make you more depressed, but thats the only solution i had when i was depressed. You gotta find strength somewhere and use it to get over your depression. And i know how it feels to be depressed, i was in one since 6'th-7'th grade. One year i barely went to school, i was lucky i passed. Multiple reasons, not just for being fat. No father, verbally and mentally abusive mother, nobody to talk to, nobody loved me. I was the poorest kid in school. Thing is you just gotta use your depression to propell yourself out of it. Happiness will come. Sure, you might think you dont have that strength, but you actually do. I did, and i am the weakest person i know. You just gotta build yourself, your life, your happiness. Sometimes it will feel like your efforts are in vain, but you will succeed in the end.

>>687893597
READ BOOKS NIGGA
READ BOOKS UNTIL YOU BREAK A SWEAT THEN READ
READINGS FOR DUMB PEOPLE LIKE US, IT JUST MEANS OUR BRAINS ARE HUNGRIER

>>687893597
That is what happened to me, i realised very fast that there was something wrong with me since i wasn't being able to focus on class, i started looking for help and now im on treatment, it's been a year now since i started.

Im 18 work Mon-fri 6-5 come home do nothing. My gf of two years dumped me. I dont drink smoke or like to party so i can't make any friends my age because thats all they do. I cry myself to sleep every night

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>>687893984
Nigga it's been two years, and it still gets worse every day
I hate this shit
But I'm about to do more coke tonight and have aother OE.
I'll probably end up feeling worse, but it's worth a try.
I've also tried dating a few other girls and fucked more than enough-nearly caught feelings for one but got rekt.
I'm already done imo...

i like her but im too shy to approach and talk

>>687894457
What kind of treatment? I was forced to take various meds on and off for like 7 fucking years and none of them did shit.

>>687890637
You think I won't?

>>687894777
Checked
If you don't think you're good enough for her neither will she, you have to at least fake confidence when talking to girls. All the bull shit you see in movies about "cute shy guys" is just that- bull shit.

>>687894667
18 is young
Any chance you could get a better job? Like with a small store and people who you enjoy working with. Or maybe volunteer at a botanical gardens or something. 18 is young, you is anything you haven't tried yet. Like drums.

>>687893060
depression always has a cause and a logical reason for it. Depression=being sad all the time because your life sucks. You can't have a perfect life and be depressed. And by perfect i mean it by your standards, not society's.

>>687894779
This is me.
>>687893099
Also, you don't have to take the pills if you don't want, you can refuse and go just with therapy.

>>687894667
sounds kinda fun tbh.

>>687895094
>2016
>not being like synthesizer

Fuck your acoustic percussions pussy, if you don't play the synth what the fuck are you even doing

>>687895113
You're wrong

>1989
>Nissan Created the greatest car
>Bnr32 GTR
>Every reason to live

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8tuUesxlg4Y

>>687893993
>>687894240

That's the thing, the happiness is just a distraction. There will always be this underlying tide of sorrow that is waiting to resurface once the fog of joy dissipates; which it always does. Anything we do to distract ourselves self, such as reading, socializing, etc. is so superficial to the point that it makes us sick to have to push ourselves this hard to not be miserable. This is not a new and random phenomenon, it's something that's been around for a long time and will continue to linger for all our time to come.

I don't know if you've tried therapy or antidepressants, but I've tried both and they're absolutely laughable. I paid $175 an hour to have someone pretend to be my friend and to suggest "remedies" of which I'm already blatantly aware. And antidepressants are nothing more than placebos.

>>687895113
You're wrong mate, successful persons still get depressed, it's not something that has any kind of relation to how great and fucking cool you're.

>>687895535
So this is just something I'm stuck with for the rest of my life? That's kind of a bummer

>>687895113
Being sad because you're poor and alone, or because your girlfriend dumped you does not mean you're depressed. The only trigger is the overwhelming despair you feel when faced with the most mundane daily occurrences.

>>687895535
Same guy, antidepressants do work but the healthcare where you life sounds very expensive, you know, im actually in a constant state of "happines", i tend to act all smug and shit so people don't see through me, and i just laugh about this kind of situation im in.

My advice for anyone reading this, just laugh, even if shit hits the fan, laugh. Laughing is pretty much anything we can do besides crying, just laugh at how miserable we are, come on anon, just laugh with me.

"To be, or not to be- that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them. To die- to sleep-
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to. 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die- to sleep.
To sleep- perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub!
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause."

>>687895302
i might be, i mean, my solution might not work for everyone. I just had to make myself happy by not caring, faking some confidence, and building my life brick by brick. You might be in a depression, you might think there is no way out of it, because you dont't see it. To get over depression it takes time, strength of character which you dont have but will get, finding the cause of it and fixing it.

I've been clinically diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety since the age of 10, I'm 18 now going on 19 this year. I hate how I feel all day everyday from when it started but have no drive to fix it, I hate the girl I'm in a relationship with whenever she talks I just want to bang my head against a fucking wall. Recently each day that goes on I feel more and more tempted to end my life and I feel like I'll reach the official tipping point soon. Oh well.

Can someone describe melancholy for me?

>>687895925
Not really, you can be happy if you twist the things and make them look the way you want, for example, making something that should bring you down make you laugh or happy, i turnt my suffering into joy, it's still suffering but atleast it's fun now.

i
become so numb

>>687894711
Fuq mane, first of all quit that coke
There's something deep inside you that's preventing you from living. You need love, as you know... that is something you must make possible-
It's tough af nigga
Tough as nuts, no buts
Weird advice: go to the woods and take shrooms

Anyways I'm thinking of you. Good luck anon.

>>687896110
I've never had success with antidepressants, so maybe I'm just fucked in that regard. And you're right about laughing through the suffering. I try really hard to do just that. It's the only reason why I've made it this far. But sometimes you just can't, you know? Sometimes it's just not funny anymore.

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"just laugh at how miserable we are, come on anon, just laugh with me."
-Anon

>>687896213
have you tried to just say fuck it and do whatever you want? Go pee in that bitch's drink, say yes if she confronts you. Go find a bitch that is your soulmate, cause they are many, no matter how unique you feel. Find a fucking drive to fix it, or you're dead. Which is a shame, cuz life is kinda cool, even if it sometimes sucks harder than mia malkova.

>>687896574
became*
And trust me, there will always be something that will make you feel, wether it is a good thing or a bad thing, that's a different question.

>>687896875
Mate, if he has a diagnosed depression since 10, and no known trauma it might be something more related to the brain chemical stability

Life may be futile but at least this post will end in 4

>>687896583
Thanks man, it means a lot.
Tried shrooms once, didn't get me that high, in fact felt terribly depressed.
Eh, I keep it as a weekend thing though. Last month I did it every day for two weeks, even though I work and have to get up at 7:15am.
She's what's preventing me from living though.
I was still depressed before meeting her but not nearly as bad as after we broke up. I'm all fucked up now and just try to get as numb and high as I can when not at work.

>>687895912
POO IN LOO

>>687896288
Like an actor who's lost the script but continues to mimic without knowing quite why

>>687886646
Sometimes..I cum to these threads, waiting fur my chance. Waiting for hot local gorillas from my area, who want my cuck, because they are so deep rest, that they will fuck and suck anything...waiting..watching...whispering...wailing...wishing...women...with..weaves

>>687896213
This is a description of my life since 16. I'm 23 now and I'm still a fragile little shell. What the fuck are we supposed to do. This isn't normal.

>>687897373
Wiser words have never been told anon.
>>687896652
You could still try therapy, on a side note, i could post my kik if you're interested in talking, because i sure am interested in knowing your story.
Same goes for all of you my depression batling fellows.

>>687897340
I've lived that and numbing oneself actually freezes us in an emotional state for as long as we like. It's like life demands of us change but we have a little cave called drug-of-choice that we can hide in. Not to say that's all bad, but the longer we stay in one hole the more it begins to stink. You gotta quit eventually man. join NA? Meet someone with a similar walk in life maybe...
Anyways I'm going to bed mate. Stay beautiful you sad bastard.

>>687887888
topkek deal wit changes

>>687896017
i've been depressed for about half my life. i was crying for no reason, i couldnt sleep at night because i was sad for no reason, and sometimes i couldn't find happiness in stuff that i should had. I was sad because i didnt know what to do. I knew the reasons i was depressed tho. Maybe there are 2 kinds of depression, one when you know the cause and the other when you dont.

>>687897931
Indeed, it is not normal, that's what the doctor's are for.

I'll be getting into college soon I hope. I'm depressed cause I'll be alone again. Plus I don't believe I'll ever amount to anything so that's that.

>>687898146
You too mang, and thanks. Goodnight :^(

>>687897931
fake strength untill you believe the lie

>>687898193
Little if not no one knows the reason to their illness, and depression does bring sleeping and eating disorders with self-destructive tendencies in some cases.

>>687889767
It's been 6 years for me.

>>687897931
I don't know man, it's shit.

>Be me at twelve
>Mom and nieces go out in the morning
>Stayed home because I was still a bed wetter and had pissed myself
>Mom gets back with oldest niece
>younger niece nowhere to be seen
>Don't ask where niece is I'm because certain she's back with my oldest sister
>draws emo ass picture for about two hours
>Neighbor lady is retired art teacher
>alway praises my work so I go to show her
>Look in our shity appartment's parking spot and see our car
>Niece still in her car seat
>Obviously dead
>fucking pull the dead baby from the car and scream for my mom
>Family blames me for years
>Skip ahead two years
>My sister and I live with my dad
>Sis is a free spirit and is alway coming and going
>cheers me up whenever I'm down by singing terribly and making fun of our ghetto ass neighbors
>One night she's heading out the door and just stops
>looks at me for a while acting kind of weird
> ask what's up and she just says, "Anon, I love you. Be good"
>Sketched out because she never says anything before leaving
>Next day two cops show up and tell us she died in a car crash after she left that night
>Completely alone in my family now
>Mom's in prison for what happened to my niece
>dad's always drunk, more physically abusive than he was before
>At school everyone avoids me because I try too hard to seem happy
>GF leaves me because she can't handle the stress
>Best bro gets real distant at the same time

Continue?

>>687893935
I'm at my 3 year mark in the military and feel the same. It has set me up wonderfully (naval nuclear propulsion) but my life feels so empty now, I wish I was back home. I pretty much have whatever I want, lots of guns, a new daily driver vehicle as well as a fast fun car, nice house and everything, I just feel like a husk

>>687886646
I get pretty depressed when I think about my daughter. See, when I was a kid I knew I was pretty screwed up in the head, so I decided early on that I was never going to have any kids. Then I met the girl of my dreams and she was dead set on having a baby girl, so I did what any dumb love-struck kid does; I gave her what she wanted.

But deep down in the cold pit of my stomach, I always dreaded the prospect of bringing into this world - well, another monster like me. I had a screwed up childhood, but I was screwed up to begin with. Just not right, you know? Fucked in the head.

For years it seemed that I was wonderfully wrong about my daughter, she was so happy and normal that I was almost ready to believe it might be true. But then she hit her 20's and - kaboom, my toxic contribution to the gene pool caught up with her all at once. Paranoid delusions, audio and visual hallucinations, suicidal depression, the whole nine yards.

I did this. Me, and with full knowledge of the risks. My daughter will probably never really be happy, and it is *absolutely* my fault. Actually, I think I might just go put my .45 in my mouth now.

>>687898100
I'm >>687895535 so I don't know if my therapist was just a quack or what. She's highly lauded by people other than professionals so I don't know why I found her so unhelpful. Like it actually made me more upset to talk with her. I'd add your kik, but I've pretty much given my story already. I'm also >>687893060 .

>>687899251
How many sessions did you had with her? And hearing that you didn't seem to trust her might have been her fault and what made the whole thing fail.

>>687886646
Listen here, motherfucker.

I didn't order her to stop talking to you, you fucking half breed. I advised her not to, because you are a selfish man-child that doesn't give a damn about whether she's happy or not, you only want her for yourself. You already said it when you said she's "your ideal woman". I make her happy, I loved her when no one else did, I took her in and supported her when she had nowhere to go. She looked for a friend in you, it was what she wanted, but you just had to pursue more than that, disregarding the fact that she is happy with me.

And then when she took my advice, starting to see you for the half-breed snake that you are, you have the nerve to say you've lost all respect for her. As if your respect fucking matters. You're the bottom of the fucking ladder.

I hope to cross paths with you one day. I will leave you black and fucking blue, bleeding, with broken bones, on the ground as I walk off with the girl of your dreams to head home and fuck her until she cums four times and passes out laying across me. Maybe I'll send you a picture.

You should let the depression take you. Give into the urge to end your own life. You'll never matter to her, or anyone else, and you really should just die. Alone. Quietly. Knowing she never loved you, and there is no universe in which she ever would.

>>687899071
Please do.

>>687899137
>Actually, I think I might just go put my .45 in my mouth now.
Don't you dare. She needs you.

>>687897931
try /fit/ friend (and everyone else in this bread)
you've probably heard it a thousand
times but seriously if I didn't start when I did I would for certain be dead. There's a lot of reasons to start lifting but really you should start for yourself.

>>687890737
Man, I'm happy that everthing turned out quite fine for you but that's not how things usually work. There is no higher force or deeply in the universe engraved law that says that things always get better by themselves. Something terrible can happy any moment in your life just without any reason and there's no guarantee that there is gonna be any light at the end of your tunnel.

>>687899137
You know what she has to do. Don't leave her with no one like her.

>>687899510
I had five sessions with her before I ended up moving to a different city, which ended it, even though I was going to end it anyway. It's not that I didn't trust her, it's just that she didn't offer me anything tangible. It's not even her per se it's just therapy in general. I don't see how talking to someone about how I'm pessimistic or cynical is going to change that. Maybe I'm being naïve and arrogant, but it certainly seems futile. I've heard every pick-me-up one-liner or one-hundred-liner before, but that's not going to change how someone fundamentally perceives his existence when all the dust settles. Do you know what I mean?

>>687899596
Good pasta mate, it really looks like you actually put effort in this and im not being ironic, you have a talent with words but right now it sounds cringey, you can improve, love you mate take care.

>>687899990
I used to lift, but I stopped because I didn't care anymore. Part of the problem is a lack of urgency and just physical weakness. Every task becomes so overwhelmingly exhausting that there was and is no way that I could muster up the strength to work out when I can barely drag my sullen ass across the street. No offence intended to you if you enjoy fitness, though.

>>687899137
Mate, you have experienced all that she is feeling now many years before her, you have to stay with her, you can't chicken out, think about the kind of bastard you would become if you left your little baby girl deal with all this on her own while you could help her.
You must live for her.

>>687900026
You have to tell yourself that you're happy in order to be happy.

>>687900225
It's just my genuine feelings on the situation. I don't really care if it's cringeworthy, I just feel that venomous about it

>>687900054
That's the thing - she's not like me. I was not being whimsical when I said I was a monster. I am someone who is very good at looking and acting normal when I am very much not. That's not some kind of edgelord faggotry, it's just the way it is. I don't think I'm cool or special, just not normal. When I was 7 I tried to murder my family because I wanted to see what it would be like to burn everybody up in a fire.

She was never like that, never like me. She took after her mother, sweet and kind and innocent, only sees the best in people, even the worst people - even me. I've made sure they will be OK financially. But I am not the pillar of emotional support you might want to believe. I am not, because I am empathy deficient. What small part of me might pass for normal, grieves over what I have done, what I have damned her to. I am very tired of feeling this way.

>>687900895
Anyways, you're genuinely good at writing pastas mate, keep it up
>>687900202
Usually the people that treat feel that can bond with me since im in the same situation than them, you know? i know what they feel and how they feel it, professional therapy is not something that will work in only 5 sessions, the therapist has to get deep inside you to find out what is triggering the depression.
.

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27, no job, live with parents.

I have always aspired to make a living with illustration, I always was drawing shit as a kid and I was pretty decent.
At some point in my life I started drawing less and less, and eventually stopped for a very long time since it became increasingly stressful comparing myself to the artists I looked up to as I try to reach that level.

I blame myself every day for sitting on my talent and letting it rot, and now I've tried picking it back up only to continue to frustrate myself.
I want to work in video games, even had a temp job at a big studio for a time but my contract ended. My best friend of the same age has meanwhile surfed along the aligned stars of the cosmos straight into our dream job at a fantastic studio, one that seriously sounds like absolute candy land to work for. He's always telling me about the awesome shit that goes on at his office, and the awesome people he works with.

I wasn't ever surprised by his success, because he's a genius, and while I'm constantly told not to compare myself to others it's very difficult not to in a case like this.

I want to get better at what I do, but every time I try the sadness sets in, and I observe myself sitting alone in my fucking parent's house spending more time escaping into a video game than working to secure some kind of future for myself.
I can't remember the last time I was happy; I've always been a miserable sack of skin yet everyone in my life loves me and treats me well. I don't deserve any of it. They tell me how awesome I am all the time yet I can't even comprehend how they would think so.

I think about suicide every hour but I know I would never actually do it. Partly because I'm a pussy and not convinced that it would solve anything for me anyways, and partly because my family doesn't deserve that horror.

I feel like a slug, constantly ashamed of my situation, my age, and now my weight is creeping up on me.

I can barely get out of bed anymore.

>>687901047
You're not empathy deficient mate, just look at you, you worry about her, say, do you love her?

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MORE SAD MEMES

>>687901416
the people that i treat*

>>687901047
Take it from a man with no father - it's best that you're there. I feel a very odd feeling towards mine, a strong undying love for something that isn't there to receive it. It is an indescribable feeling.

I'm not saying you're le edgy xD, it's possible to feel things like that in a genuine way in the real world. I'm just saying that more than anything I love my father, and he'll never know, and that is a terrible feeling. And your daughter loves you the same. The difference is, you're around.

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RASTA MAN CURES ALL DEPRESSION

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>>687899137

>>687901662
Alan is that you?

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Stuff

>>687901416
Writing a pasta wasn't the goal. Just wanted to get it off my chest, let go of some of this anger, maybe.

Things between her and I are getting better every day. He's getting worse. I won.

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Also stuff

>>687900838
Man, I am happy, most times of my life. There's just always this feeling somewhere inside of me telling me that those times by no chance have to stay for my whole life.

>>687901977
No, and it depresses me a little more knowing that there's another person living the same hell as me.

>>687901705
Love is a funny word. I used to wonder if I would ever feel that Disney magical, breathless wonder, "twitterpated". Started to wonder if it even existed. Then finally it dawned on me: it does exist, mine is just broken.

So I did something else, I substituted. Where others see love as some sort of magical warm fuzzy, I see it as an action item, a verb. I love someone by doing; giving them a sandwich that I wanted, or the best piece of fruit, or taking the cookie that dropped on the floor for myself even though they would totally never know.

So that's my way of loving someone. Kind of lame I guess but it's what I have to work with. So, yeah - I love my daughter, I love my wife. That's really the only reason I'm still here I guess. But I'm old and tired and sad, and I think it's about time.

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I turned my depression into passive aggressiveness
Seems to be working well

>>687901416
There is nothing triggering my depression though. No matter what, there exists in me an outright disdain for daily life and an inability to take pleasure in things that ordinarily give people pleasure. I'm not searching for "meaning", nor am I myopic enough to be convinced of any such thing.

There is no repression here. My life is fantastic on paper. This doesn't change the fact that everything I see and do makes me feel so unbearably awful that I don't know what to do with myself. I'm sorry for being so obstinate, but it's been so long without any result that I've come to accept things as they are. I'm open to change, but nothing seems to help.

>>687902256
Not everyone is made to be great in the area that we must aspire to be good in. Talents, drive and luck all play a part. Perhaps its better to put the past behind and concentrate on something that you are good at and can tolerate it. The past cannot be changed but we can determine our future. Life is unfair, but we must make the best of it.

>>687901905
Oh shit my depression is cured, thanks Rasta man.
>>687901662
You say you can't stop comparing yourself to them, well then, see it as a competition, is up to you if you want to become more, practice on your art, if people say it's great, well, it might be because of something wouldn't it?
>>687902241
Life is full of shades man, gotta be sad from time to time to be able to feel happy, it would be boring to be sad or happy all the time.
>>687902071
Oh, so you were actually having a monologue, atleast yoou got to get it off your chest, im glad to hear you're doing great with you girl mate.
Godspeed to you.
>>687902319
That's what love means mate, making sacrifices for the ones you love, doesn't matters how small these sacrifices seem, and now the sacrifice you should do is staying alive and enduring the pain, do it for her, she doesn't deserves to lose a father.

>>687899071
Cont.

>Turns out my bro and GF started dating before she left me
>Start skipping school and going on late night walks through the less developed parts of town
>End up meeting a senior at a neighboring high school one night
>We start hanging out and just talking or driving
>Turns out that he's dead set on joining the marines when he's finished with school
>He introduces me to Myyearbook says it's a great way to pick up chicks
>Try it out and meet this 6//10 chick who is totally obsessed with my goth/emo look
>Way over the top and bubbly but totally into gaming so I give her a shot
>She a total freak in the sack so I stay in touch and eventually we start dating
Skip to 16
>Marine friend got shipped out
>Dad's completely off his shit and is always drunk
>End up in foster care, moving from family to family
>R's still super supportive and fucks like a rabbit but is moving to FL soon
>We ride it out and decide to make it open since we're both sex machines
>Have a few new friends but all we ever do is party
>Start hanging out with new neg/b/ro and end up relating to him more and more
>By this time I take all of my classes online so I really don't fit in at all when I go to school
>End up back with dad before my 17th and life seems like it is finally looking up
>R is super into seeing/hearing about my sexcapades so shit super kinky and dope
Jump to 17.5
>Dad drinks for the whole summer
>Swears I'm not his child and tells me i'm why they divorced
>Refuses to sign me up for any schooling again so I go into the summer schooling by exception of my vice principal and graduate early. Alone
>Dad end's up throwing boiling water on me leaving me scared to this day
>end up homeless for a long while but too proud to tell anyone
Skip to 21
>R and I get engaged and move to CO together
>She's had a few run ins with drugs and is pretty messed up by it
>She get possessive and won't even let me see friends
>Working as a waiter and trying to support her ass as well
Continue?

>>687902476
There is no reason for me to be depressed as well, but yet im still depressed too, i know how to get out of this hellhole, i just decided not to, so i could help out others, so i can feel like i was a good person atleast for a little while, so basically i help people to help myself.

I'm tired, and not because i haven't been sleeping right for the past few months or because i've stayed up about 7 hours more than i should have for no real reason. I dont know i'm just tired all the time, my housemates have all gone home for summer so it's just been me alone for the past few days, the girl I like is interested in me in that way, I think i fucked up this year at uni because im such a lazy shit, I drink and smoke far more than i can actually afford and I have to pretend everything is just how i want it and that I'm happy because i don't want anyone to know i'm broken not because i think it will drive them away, but i don't want them to treat me differently, they're the first friends i've ever had

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>>687886646
>be me
>permanent anxiety/panic attacks
>couldn't live without medication
>one day scrolling through /b/
>random anon with same life story as me
>gives me good advice on how to fight my problem
>I'm cured, no more medication, anon saved my life

Stop taking medication, stop doing any drugs including tobacco, coffee, alchool, do regular exercise, have a regular sleep pattern (melatonin helps), drink veggie and fruit juices, eat dark chocolate 85% cocoa, eat loads of fish with omega 3, drink loads of water, dont eat junk food, dont masturbate too often and try to have sex with GF. You might be laughing at this but it worked, my mind and my chest are free of trouble now

>>687903330
Just keep typing mate, i want to listen to your story.

>>687902319
It's the right of every man to end his own life. You just get to. You didn't ask to be born. If you wish you weren't, you get too die.

You? You had a kid. You don't fucking get to die anymore. You belong to her. Everything you have, and everything you are, belongs to that little girl, now a grown woman. She didn't ask for her life either. You go on living. You do it. Every single goddamn day you can until your body fails you. But you don't have a choice anymore. Your mind doesn't get to fail you.

Live for your daughter, man. You fucking do it. You don't get to die until she does.

>>687904021
I'm happy for you anon

>>687903697
>Help others to help myself.
This is something I try to do as well, and it does make me feel better occasionally, but most of the time I feel so autistic that I can't even relate to people anymore and I end up recoiling and delving deeper into my own pit of incomprehensible woes. It's like what I was talking about earlier in terms of minute distractions that temporarily provide a thin veil of contentedness, only to be subsequently obliterated by the sadness monolith.

Should I seek for help guys? I mean from time to time I get depression and it was kinda common for me last 5 years , but this year seems to be worse than ever, usually it lasted 1 week and by the end of the week I would break and cry and after that the depression was gone for a couple of weeks more. But now it's taking like a whole month and it'd fucking everything, I'm about to get fired cos I can't focus on work, I can't study, my social skills are gone I can barely speak with someone closer without thinking what's wrong with me. I don't know what to do guys I'm scared that it goes even worse and I can't handle it

>>687904021
But coffee brings me peace

>>687887888
SSRIs help you be blissfully ignorant to existential crises

>>687888207
I'd like that too

But I'm nowhere close and probably never will be

>>687904662
Yeah, man, get help. Doesn't have to ruin you.

Humans are fucking powerful, man. When something is not to their liking, they will create, they will change, they will rebuild. Live up to that. Don't let a few drops more or less of a fucking neurochemical define you, or break you.

>>687903800
About the sleeping issues, about screens as much as you can at night, the blue light of these don't let you sleep properly and about the tobaco and booze issue, you could, start by stopping 1 cig earlier, same with the booze, or you could be a fag and vape.
>>687904021
This guy, i agree in everything but the stop taking the meds but, all what this anon said is actually benefitual for the mind and body, you should try it anons.

>>687904305
thank you. wasn't easy at all. Thought I couln't make it but I slowly started to feel ok without the meds, I could sleep with little chest tightness and with time i started to have normal nights, normal days, I started smilling, focusing more, less worried about life and everything. I hope you anons make it

>>687904821
Not for me. I had a grand-mal seizure a week after starting on an SSRI. I'd never had a seizure in my life up until then and haven't had one since because I stopped taking them (obviously).

>>687904662
Yeah, you should, I had a similar thing, it started of very manageable i would sometimes get a bit down when i was on my own, but it just kept getting worse and worse at one point i didn't leave my room for a week, literally didn't leave i had to live of a box of biscuits because i was so miserable.

Depression doesn't just get better, find the help you need man, and good luck

>>687904243
*sigh*
...
*nod*

I was depressed until I discovered weed :s

>>687904575
Keep in mind that almost no one can pull themselves out of this alone, i just embrassed it, i will reprhase that.
Im a bad person who does good deeds.

>>687904747
Switch to tea and if what you like is caffeine go for black tea.

>>687905283
You're goddamn right.

I'm the fatherless anon, by the way. Remember that. Live every moment for her. It's what I'll do for my kids.

im so ugly people don't treat me as a human after i graduated high school and have one friend left who's keeping me afloat

>>687905287
Tell me, can you dream when you sleep?

>>687905582
But coffee's really good

Also I'm not depressed, just in here to receive other anons

>>687890737
I really wanna be there when you'll breakdown

>>687905043
In the begginign was a mess, I replaced the regular meds with antihistamines that made me drowsy and what really helped was the exercise cause some days I felt really really tired and managed to get that wonderful sleep. I had mood swings for a while but because I noticed small changes every week, I was persistent. Also, my fight against substances in general, it was a pain but once again, getting better every week/month gave me strenght. Also, I was living in a extremely busy European city, everyone around me had bad habbits (inc drug abuse), so I decided to move out to another country with my GF. I now live near the countryside, I'm happy and I believe I cured my anxiety/panics attacks/depression.

>>687905809
So can be tea.
Im actually here so i can feel less bad about myself by helping.
>>687905906
For your breakdown* and for someone like him that's unlikely.

>>687905668
Oh fucking well. Not everyone gets to be liked. Do something with your life. Stop placing value in the feelings of others.

It's hard to be alone. Devote your life to an accomplishment if that's your lot in it. Nothing in the world matters less than other people.

>>687899137
Holy shit man how old are you now?

Sucks what happened with your daughter though. I know you didn't plan it, but maybe you can help her control it. I wish my parents hadn't made that same mistake too.

>>687905668
Post a pic of you.

>>687905641
Perhaps you misunderstood, but that is fine.
Her first, then me. It's only right.
You've been an inspiration.
Thank you.

>>687906029
Tea sucks.

Why do you feel bad about yourself at all?

>>687906155
Aw fuck, you're gonna kill your daughter aren't you.

Man, don't do that. That's not cool.

>>687906168
Because i can't manage to get people to like tea.

>>687906155
Ah, don't be shitty

>>687906006
I'm extremely happy for you mate, i hope you have a great life.

>>687906288
Nigga did you invent tea?

>>687906335
You don't seem to have any acne, you're overall fine.

>>687906335
You honestly don't look that bad. You've got clear skin, decent facial structure just shave that chin and maybe keep your mouth closed.

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>>687906431
you can do it too anon!

>>687906571
Did you knew there's an optimal temperature for tea leaves to open so you can enjoy all of it's flavour and benefits? (i hate myself so much)

>>687906991
Anon, stop. You don't owe tea anything. It's okay.

>>687907099
Well, some people don't give an actual fuck about looks but the kind of person that you're instead.

>>687907303
lol see even people on here hate me

>>687907099
Fuck em. High school friendships and relationships hardly last after graduation anyways. Just keep doing you man.

>>687907197
Please send help.
>>687907470
I'm not hating, i said that some people don't care about looks, but they way you're as a person.

>>687907675
I'll be there in 20. Get out your coffee beans.

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I like helping people and i like this thread.

>>687907675
I like you, tea-anon. I think we should be internet friends.

>>687907573
i have one high school relationship and he's keeping me alive

Welp, if this thread happens to die, anyone who feels the need to get shit off your chest, someone to listen to you or just someone to talk to, hit me up on kik. I'll be waiting for you anon, come on and let me listen to you.
Kik: Thatanoncalled.j
>>687908717
Optimal temperature for most tea leaves are always around 100ºc (im tea anon, you coffe loving scum)

>>687909189
But... I don't have kik.

Got Skype?

>>687887888
Nice Trips and nice 2pac quote. Im tired of being broke even worse Im black, Im tired so Im looking for a purse to snatch.

>>687909386
Nope, come on mate, it's just a phone app, if you can't i also have steam, i don't log on as often as my phone though.

>>687909694
What's your steam?

>>687903330
Cont.
>R is now completely controlling and violent
>Grew up seeing family violence so I refuse to hit her back
>She always aims for my previously broken ribs
>Work becomes a haven for me, I take more shifts and work more than I should
>Start playing DnD with meg/b/ro and meet the chick he's crushing on, B
>Instantly fall in love at first sight
>One day some of marines buddy's old marine bros show up at my work
>Make sure I get them in my section so I can find out how he's been
>turns out he was KIA
>B's car gets broken into while at DnD that night so I stick around and comfort her and we end up kissing
>Get home the next night and finally lost it on R, calling off the engagement
>lost contact with B
>Due to a workplace injury I end up having to get an MRI after it's found that I had a concussion
>turns out I have a pea sized mass in my frontal lobe
>Start seeing shit and getting dissociative episodes
(still to this day I'm too afraid to take any action or find out of those two are related)
>Life spirals out of control
>Start drinking and doing drugs
>tried to commit suicide but the rope breaks
>Stop talking to everyone
skip to last month
>Go out for a drink with neg/b/ro
>final suicide note in my pocket
>In walks B
>More beautiful now than ever
>We hit it off just as before
>We've been dating but I'm so fucked up now I'm ruining it. my suicidal thoughts are taking back over, and I know I'm not strong enough to keep her happy. It takes everything in me not to cry myself to sleep thinking that I could be fucking up her life and that I really should just off myself. I want to live for her, but know that i NEED to live for myself as well. And I know I NEED to get this thing in my head taken care of but if I'm dying wouldn't it just be better to let this perfect woman go and just disappear?

>>687909855
TeaLoveer45.
(Jonibuo)

>>687900571
it's okay m8 I know how depression can effect the whole body like that. best of luck.

>>687909999
Holy shit i got quads, also the profile pic is a blue haired girl.

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>>687886646
Ive dealt with depression all my life, Im 35 now. Ive had years where I woke up and the first thought in my head was to kill myself. There is a solution to this problem. If you're depressed, you need a goal, you need a reason to live. Depression is your mind's way of telling you you're fucking up. For me, I quit drinking, started working out, and took up programming. It gave me shit to do and the working out made me attractive and more energetic. I know it sounds like a cliche but its true, it works. You can turn depression into an asset, unless you just like to be sad like a little emo fag.

>>687910138
I got a goal already, one that I set few years ago and been working on it , even when everything seems to be working I keep getting depressed for no reason, and I can't get out of my mind the idea that I am not good enough no matter how hard I try. Even if I try to think that not been the best at something is not wrong, something still tells me that there is no point and I should give up

>>687910138
Another perfect example of succes.
You have to set a goal to stop feeling this way.

>>687909999
Checked, you fucking weeb.

Sent request.

Start reading, you'll find reasons to move on with a moving mind-set

>>687906029
Thanks for the correction. English is not my native as you can see. Altho Im 80% sure he will have some short of breakdown when the getting laid / love hype fades out and realise that everything was fake.

>>687910827
Thats part of the process. You have to constantly assure yourself that youre doing the right thing, and that one day youll get to where you want to be. This shit doesnt happen over night, but eventually you get there. Ive found that the harder you work, the less depressed you get.

>>687894896
no balls

Just a general question here- do you consider yourselves organized people? Are your living spaces clean? I spent near the whole damn day cleaning my place up and putting shit away.

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>>687911173
Good to hear, its not easy to break the mindset. You should be proud.

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A retarded faggot from Tumblr wants to shut down 4chan.

Proof: http://shutdown4chan.tumblr.com/post/88296900118/its-time-to-shutdown-4chanorg-join-us-on-july

What are we gonna do, /b/?

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>>687886646
Hey guys, I turned 21 in January, Until that point I had never even held hands with a girl, I've had two relationships this year, and both ended because the girl cheated on me. Am I doing something wrong, or do I just have shit luck

>>687912143
Young women are just whores, straight up. Once you hit 25 they start thinking about marriage and kids and the tables start turning. Its life, its something you have to go through.

>>687911313
Well, his current happiness is not fake, but his happiness doesn't mean you can't be happy yourself.

>>687911914
That happened years ago, Tumblr got burnt and SJW scolded by tumblr users themselves.

>>687912143
I would say shit luck.

>>687894777
yeah, i know its tough, whart i recommend is approaching different girls that you dont like but think are cute to practice

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You faggots only make things by circling jerking about it. Go outside you fucking weirdos

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>>687912436
I mean, they can't ALL be whores

Maybe it's the girls I go after, I like Tiny and Petite with lots of tattoos and piercings

>>687910138
It's not as simple as just setting a goal and sticking to it. When you're utterly despondent, you can't physically endure the agony of pursuing your stupid fucking programming or working out or whatever retarded hobby you've forced upon yourself in order to pretend you're a happy normie.

>>687888087
Kill yourself

>>687913366
>Toying with a persons feelings.
You remind me why i hate myself so much, should we kill ourselves together?