>>687853477
go on

no just fucking write the whole thing you faggot

bumple

>>687853477
>fucker is massive
>vertically and horizontally enhanced
>ask the wrangler if she wants to switch seats so she can be next to her "friend"
>"Oh no that's fine! You paid good money for that seat!"
>wouldn't really consider $15 "good money"
>decide to let it slide and enjoy the show
>movie starts
>tard, we'll call him Blob, begins shaking with mentally deficient excitement
>he's making my seat shake too
>ask the wrangler one more time if she would switch with me
>no response
>theater is crowded as fuck
>only open seat is near the high school kids
>Blob is my best bet at having a decent watch time
>Cyclops comes on screen
>uses his laser vision
>Blob lunges forward and makes his best attempt at copying the sound effect
>goes on the entire movie mimicking his favorite characters
spoiler alert for X-Men Apocalypse
>scene where they get locked up at that prison place
>Cyclops, Jean, and Nightcrawler try to figure out a way to break out their friends
>come across a metal bunker prison cell...thing
>snarling can be heard inside
>Blob begins shaking again
>starts to giggle like Woofy Woodpecker on crack
>Wolverine breaks free
>full retard activated
Cont.?

>>687855737
Keep going OP, tard stories tend to be cool.

might save if worth it

I'm 24 and was invited by a 13 yr old.

Pulled her close to me during the movie as I thought more was going on between us and she walked out.

>>687856178
you're a paedo. Time for the helium mask

>>687856178
Then what happened? You went home and killed yoself?

>>687855737
Stop with this cont. bullshit, either people care or they don't. I care, for all it's worth, but please, don't ASK.

>>687856178
Lol. Why the hell did a 13 year old invite you in the first place?

>>687856385

No its ok. Her cousins told me she was 14.

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>>687856497
Shut the fuck up and be thankful op is willing to share a story with a fucking Nigger like you.

This is copypasta. Ends up with the OP being more autistic than the tard.

KYS

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>see commercial for new movie
>wait two weeks
>get online for free without dealing with shitty crowds
>normally priced snacks at store

>>687857124
I'm still curious. Even more so in fact

>>687857177
Same here

>>687857177
>normally priced snacks at store
You can get that in theaters as well.

> friend bugs me to go see the warcraft movie
> ticket prices are up again
> long ass line to get in
> theater is packed, only shitty seats way upfront left
> reluctantly sit down next to a fat chick already devouring her friends weight in snacks
> she's loud as fuck and stinks
> sitting way infront makes watching the movie genuinly hard
> half an hour in i really gotta take a piss
> fuck it, i'll wait for the break
> by the smell someone else needs to use the bathroom
> have to sit with a full bladder and the smell of fart and hambeast for another hour and a half
> find out the hard way movie theaters no longer have breaks halfway in the movie, no idea why

atleast the movie was alright but jesus christ

>>687857177
this, i only watch movies in theaters when it's an historic event which even then im usually disappointed

Had a black couple behind me with headphones listening to african music the entire movie... Who the fuck pays a movie ticket to sit there listening to music? To clarify, was an horror movie and it had subtitles (not in the US).

>>687857889
When was the last time you were in a movie theater? 1968?

>>687858235
it's been quite awhile, why the fuck are there no more breaks

>>687858016
it might've been so they dont get scared, horror movies without sound aren't even 10% as frightening

>>687853477
>watcing batman
>some shitty batman cosplayer gets up
>starts shooting people
>people mad he is shooting
>only one who seems to be pissed hes a shitty cosplayer making batman use guns, tell cops they seem to think im crazy
>years later new batman movie comes out
>batman uses guns
>fuuuck now that faggot counts as a good cosplayer

>>687857177
Fuck you, nigger.

>see commercial for new movie
>purchase Groupon for movie theater
>reserve seat ahead of time
>experience film in theater with huge screen and awesome sound
>theater never "cancels" used Groupon
>use the same Groupon and go see another movie for free

>still never pays more than $7 to see a movie, even during prime time showings

>>687857012
... thats not ok. If she was 15 then sure. Anything 5 and above you round up so she'd be basically 20

Alright, I'll go

>midnight premier of Dark Knight Rises

every time i go to the theater and there's either some niggers or a mexican bitch with her baby, i know they will be making noise.

niggers won't shut the fuck up and talk to the screen, and beaner bitches bring their babies to r movies

>>687855737
>Blob is going ballistic
>he stands up
>starts to fling his jiggling arms around with the force of a million pudding cups
>"WOLVREE! WOLVREEEEEEE!!!!!!"
>never seen someone that size move so quickly
>look over at wrangler
>she's just sitting there, slurping her drink and watching the movie
>look back over at Blob
BAM
>fucker hits me square in the jaw
>starts to run up and down the stairs, arms still moving at a million miles per hour
>not about to fight this poor fuck
>stand up and confront the wrangler
>call her a cunt for letting her tard run rampant
>she's ignoring me
>stand directly in front of her and tell her to do her job and keep that thing under control
>she starts crying
>people in front of us look back
>a few guys get up and leave
>Blob comes back to his seat
>wrangler is still sobbing
>a few minutes go by
>usher comes up and asks that I leave the theater
>decide to comply, don't want to make this a bigger deal than it has to be
>start to walk out of the theater
>see blob looking directly at me
>he's laughing his ass off
>decide to wait in the lobby for their asses

>>687858339
They haven't done that in over 20 years anon. The breaks ruined the feeling of the film. Film makers didn't want to do it any more. Plus films are shorter than they use to be.

>>687858413

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1HUh39DPQ76

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>>687858424
>Paying money for movies

>>687858795
i saw some civil war movie in 2002 and there was a break half way through. it was long as shit. i think was called gods and men or something

>>687858982
NEET detected

>>687858339
>why the fuck are there no more breaks

Epic films from the 1960s used to have an intermission around the halfway point. Music would play and people could take a quick piss.

But that stopped some 50+ years ago.

Where in the fuck did you find a theater in the first place that had movie breaks? Poland?

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>>687859067
K

>>687857889

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1FWGnE94jAC

>>687858982
Some of us aren't poorfags, and we actually enjoy getting out of the house for a few hours, even if it's to a movie theater.

>>687857598
not true candy is ridiculously expensive at concessions. can confirm work in concessions.

>>687857889
>90 minute movie
>expecting a break

nigga wut

>>687858982
Being so poor and socially awkward that paying for a movie becomes something to look down to may be the most cringiest thing I've seen all week and it's fucking sunday.

>>687859002
Gods and Generals. A prequel to Gettysburg.

>>687859628
that's the one

>>687859535
See
>>687859213

>>687859002
It is rare. I was in a 3 hour film with no break but I knew what I was getting into and didn't buy a hambeast's 72oz strawberry soda.

They seem to finish it during the previews then make that annoying slurp sound trying to get more out of the ice during the movie. Anyone else ever notice that?

Why is it not being noticed that you have to reserve a certain seat in OPs story? In what theater must you reserve a seat??

OP here
final chapter is gonna take a minute
I have another (less funny) story too if anyone is interested

>>687859902
Go ahead op

>>687859810
They are starting this in more advanced new theaters. I've seen this often.

>>687859902
Stop wasting time and characters asking.

Finish the blob story you funny fucking nigger

>>687859902
Just tell the fucking story you mongoloid.

>>687859902
yes, its copypasta, the summerkids might not know it but you end up looking like more of a tard than the tard.

gimme my tree fiddy now OP

>>687859902
what could possibly be less funny than what you've already posted

>>687859902
Yus nigger flood me with this beauty

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>>687859595
I don't watch or enjoy tv enough to warrant paying for movies faggot. I have actual hobbies and friends who would rather come to my house to watch a movie for free than go to some dark smelly room with annoying crowds and pay too much for snacks

>>687859810
A lot of theater chains do the reserve seating these days. It's very handy if you want to go to a prime showing and not have to get there an hour ahead of time and stand in line to fight for a good seat.

It's not mandatory, but it's very useful for busy times.

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>>687859902
Too late.

Your thread has been derailed.

Should have typed the entire story ahead of time.

Buuump hurry up op

>>687860575
>Te dije doble chispa pendejo

My story
>go to theater with wife
>preteen aged kids sit in front of us.
>they are not using any phones and are being quiet.
>my wife gets annoyed that "kids" are near us.
>she is saying it loud enough for them to hear, but they stay quiet.
>my wife says let's move.
>seats are good I tell my wife it's fine, they're not doing anything.
>guilt trip triggered.
>movie has yet to start so lights are on.
>everyone is noticing her child attitude.
>I tell her to just shut up or go sit somewhere else.
>she walks away and leaves theater.
>everyone else applauds me.

I still felt embarrassed as fuck.
Those kids were perfect thru entire movie.

>>687861133
Did your wife's son got mad?
Did she make a big deal out of it at home?

>>687861133
>wife
there's your problem. could have gone with some slut and have fingered her right there and then, instead some cunt made you feel embarrassed in front of 300 people. when do girls become cunts? or have they always been this way inside anyway

>>687861424
KEK

>>687861424
Yea it was a big deal for awhile.

We didn't bring a kid to the movie. She was acting like a child.

>>687861507
Women are just a step up above a tard at times.

>>687858794
go on

>>687861939
What movie was it? Was it worth it?
Did you really watched the whole movie and left her waiting outside? Cause you're a beta pussy if you didn't and went after her

>>687859902
Hurry up OP. You're taking forever.

>>687862101
True.

>Tourette's - cannot hold their tongue

>invented marriage to sponge off of men for the entirety of their life

>invent 3rd wave feminism because someone "fart rapes" or sits with his legs apart on the bus. AKA need attention

>be me, 17 year old with 5 year old brother
>wants to see Captain America
>buy the tickets with my own money
>£18 overall (something like $25 for Amerifats)
>forces me to buy overpriced £4 bottle of flavoured water too
>cinema is packed, its like the day after it came out
>watch movie for twenty or so minutes
>brother nudges me
>"I've had enough now, I want to go home"
>explain there's still at least an hour to go
>begins quietly sobbing in the busy cinema surrounded by strangers
>eventually goes to sleep before he causes too much of a scene
>wakes up and asks to take him to the toilet forcing me to miss the last five minutes
>doesn't even open the shitty £4 flavoured water
>never take him to watch anything again

>>687862469
I forgot the movie. It was 6 years ago. She left and went home. I watched the whole thing. I called a buddy to pick me up. We hung out for awhile that night. When I got home I just slept on the couch.

A few years later she admitted to acting stupid.

>>687862648
It's copypasta, if you were resourceful enough you could read the rest of it

>>687862763
5 year olds are just toddlers and have a short attention span. He'll get better at it.

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>>687859902
>people start to walk out of the theater
>spot Blob and his wrangler
>they're heading to the bathrooms
>this is my moment
>wrangler heads into the ladies room
>Blob waddles to the men's
>follow after him
>get a glance of myself in the mirror
>Blob left a massive bruise on my jaw
>can't take him on directly
>have to toy with him mentally
>blob is taking up a stall
>shitting out all his excitement from the movie
>automatic flusher goes off
>hear a subtle whimper from his stall
>Blob is afraid of toilet flushes
>another flush happens
>Blob yells "NO PLEASE"
>proceed to flush any open toilet I can find
>Blob is screaming
>"NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE" etc.
>in the most booming voice I can
THIS IS THE ULTIMATE WRATH OF APOCALYPSE
>hear Blob stand up
>he's struggling with the door
>his own automatic flusher goes off
>bashes through the door and bolts out of the bathroom
>mfw his pants were still down
>mfw he didn't wipe
>mfw I am the ultimate mutant

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>Be me
>Friend's 14th Bday party
>Group is bunch of jackasses, I'm the ass of every joke
>One of these motherfuckers is over 300 lbs, has enough acne to be Proactiv's mascot, and Justin Bieber 2010 haircut
>inb4 beta cuck, I've left them
>Anyway, at movie for party, Retro night or some shit
>Playing ET
>These niggers think I look like Steven Spielberg's Chernobyl foetus for some reason
>totallydon'ttoolongtoexplainjustbelieveme.jpg
>Movie starts
>Aliens are in forest, collecting plants or whatever the fuck
>Asshole friends are snickering, pointing at me
>FBI finds ET in bush
>Fleshform screams
>They lose their minds, everyone can hear them
>Could feel my seat moving from adolescent Jabba's laughter
>Spew of jokes continue throughout movie every time Elliot's sex slave is on screen
>This for 2 fucking hours
>I spent 25$ on a ticket and food to be laughed at by these faggots for 2 hours
>Happy birthday bro, and good fucking riddance

>>687853477
>Be me
>Manager at a nicer upscale theater
>Only theater around in like 25 miles
>So every nigger comes to my theater
>All of them are either overweight, ghetto as shit, or drug dealing shits
>Literally ruin the nights of other customers whenever a group comes in

It's the only part of my job that I despise.
Working there has made me a straight up racist.

That and we have a pretty bad gypsy problem.

>>687863315
here's me hoping you would just punch the shit out of the fucker

>be 15 year old me
>Taking 7/10 girl on movie date
>She decides to bring friends, making it a double date
>Whatever dude
>We're in the mall before movie starts
>She runs off with her friends
>I go to the theatre (it's attached to the mall)
>As I'm waiting in line, she storms up to me with her friends
>"WHERE WERE YOU I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU EVERYWHERE"
>buying your ticket, cunt.
>Shrugs off. Could still get laid.
>Middle of movie
>I go to make a move
>Very clearly rejects it
>The other couple are getting theatre head in the next row.
>I've had enough of this shit
>Finish movie, still pissed
>She asks what's wrong
>I say nothing, and leave
>Later she texts me and asks if i want to do that again
>Instantly block her
Fuck women.

>>687861133
good job for not being pussified and thinking independently

>>687863624
this sounds like she literally did nothing wrong

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>>687863424
Tell us stories anon.
Tell us about the Nigs.
I'd also like to hear about the gypsies if the stories are good

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>>687853477
>go to see zootopia on a $5 tuesday
>theater is fucking PACKED
>free spot near the front, in a weird row so its literally just one chair
>my lucky ass, being seperated from my family, sits there because i fucking hate being crowded and all of the end seats are taken
>30 fucking minutes into the movie, enter nig nog family
>this family proceeds to yell and scream at me and the two people in front of me to try and get the row for nig nog family
>spends 20 fucking minutes screaming, to the point where they fucking stop the movie and have a person come in
>the entire thing, these people are fucking staring down my back, breathing down my fucking neck, eye fucking me.
>nig nog kids legit steal the fucking bowl of popcorn i bought and start eating it and throwing it fucking everywhere
>guy from the theater comes in after they pause the movie
>nig nog family tries screaming that we (me and the people in front of me) stole their spots when they went to get food, even though they hadnt gotten there till a good 1/4th through the movie
>proceed to get their asses banned from the theater for shoving the guy on top of me after he said he would give them free tickets to the next showing (literally 10 minutes from then in another room)
>Guy from the theater is apologizing to me, I tell him its no problem, thank him for helping me out. He's a cool guy and gets me free tickets for another movie, as well as a free large popcorn and soda (had fucking spilled everywhere when he got shoved. The suit he wears was covered in it. (marcus has a suit uniform. kinda cool))
>Finish watching zootopia, go back the next day to catch deadpool again when literally no one was there. Ended up watching the whole movie with the guy from the theater. Never got his number.

> be me
> be 12
> feel rly cool for watching "horrormovie"
> cloverfield
> get nightmares
> bc movie was so shitty

>Movie night at local shitty second run theater. In the lobby and there's a dozen tards with tardwrangler that looks overwhelmed. Tards are clearly super excited about movie. Avengers.

>Tard #4 (I numbered them) breaks from the pack with his bucket of popcorn and approaches the butter flavor pump. Tardwrangler busy wrangling other hypertards. Can already tell disgonnabegood.

>Tard starts pumping the shit out of it and doesn't stop. Pump pump pump pump like 15 pumps so far. No signs of slowing down. I am already holding in laughter.

>He keeps pumping. It's ridiculous now. Has to be like 50 pumps of butter oil stuff into the bucket. He won't stop. I am tearing up now and can't look away. Holy shit. How long before tardwrangler notices?

>She notices.

>Goes over and get him. He seems ok with that until she notices how much buttersubstance he put on his popcorn. He already has a handful of soggy buttercornwad in his hand and is trying to eat it. She starts to take bucket away. Bad move.

>Tard flips out and tries to pull bucket back except bucket is soaked with buttershit and tears apart in yellow soggy popcorn disaster. Gets all over her + tard + several nearby moviegoers.

>Tardwrangler has had it. Lets out a world class "FUCK!" Buttertard is freaking the fuck out trying to pick up his soggy popcorn. Other tards in various states of hysteria. Crying, laughing, scratching crotches. Other butter covered bystanders are trying their hardest not to punch the lady.

>Funniest shit I ever saw.

>>687864571
do these things only exist in the states? i live in germany and I've never seen a group of tards anywhere in public.

>>687857598
No, all the concessions are jacked up. A fucking soda costs $5 and it cost them pennies to pour. Candy is a joke.

>>687865140
No idea. Amerifat here, havent seen anything like that. Usually its just the people working concessions putting in butter using an automatic spout or something.

>>687863624
You sound like an unsavory type

>>687863378
...what??? NONE of that made sense

>>687864194
Goddamn nightmare fuel

There you are the first 30 minutes getting into a movie, and then that shit goes down

>>687863315
you're a faggot.

>>687866374
Honestly I would have been less of a problem if it had been like.. 2 minutes in, but I was all comfortable and shit and I was just ready to enjoy this movie that a lot of people were talking about. Zootopia was pretty good though.

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>>687863315
5/7 perfect score

>>687863624
Fucboi

>>687853477
why the heck did you break up already? Lazy piece of shit

>be me, years ago
>me and mom go to see thor movie
>she is cheep as shit and gets a small soda for both of us
>we sit there and end up drinking all of it
>the movie is just starting
>she takes a sip and finds out its empty
>yells at me for drinking the last amout, calls me a little shit etc.
>says shes going to the car and storms off
>I sit there for a bit hoping shell come back
>she doesn't
>start to freak out
>I run out of the theatres and go to the car
>She isn't there
>I wait outside the theatres the whole movie
>she comes out and says that she just went to the restroom

I watched the movie a year later on the television

Pirate bay is amazing isn't it?

>>687867173
wasn't about to write the whole story to a dead thread

also I'm a lazy piece of shit

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annnnnnnnnnnnd here I am

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>>687863315
Bravo, OP. You were not a faggot today.
>fucking kek

>>687867617
she sounds like a fat cunt

>>687868204
Tfw it was a diet soda

>>687868068
Faggot

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>>687863315
>Kek I would have paid to see this than that shit movie but starring j law as blob

>>687861513

I haven't kekd this hard in a while. Thanks

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>go to local theater for day of watching summer blockbusters
>hot af that day, hard to carry my anvils around
>renovations at theater, now have to check your anvils at some security point
fuckTSA(Theater Security Agency).jpg
>eventually get all 11 anvils through
>get to theater restaurant
>realize I don't have much left in my wallet after paying for tickets for each and every movie I watch
>can't afford popcorn, have to settle for lobster
>pack up my tub of lobster and anvils and try to make my way into the screening room without making very much noise
>butter from lobster is slippery, I drop an anvil
>falls into another guy's anvil collection
>whisper "sorry" as I dig it out and make my way to my seat
>sit down just as trailers stop rolling
>everyone eating popcorn off their anvil as I began cracking lobster
>sit through entire film without having to wash my anvil
>feels good to not have to get up

That's really about it, TSA was a fucking prick as usual but the movies were fine. Would recommend other anons to maybe carry some napkins for the butter though.

>>687859595
It's Saturday. Are you actually retarded?

>>687863624
It's like all fucking women have a bipolar disorder

>>687869874
Go back to your containment board

Again niggers

>watching hulk the bad one
>almost alone in the theatre like 2 other people
>nog nan & nigglet come in sit few rows in front
>the whole film and i mean from trailers to credit roll that nigglet was running throwing food and shouting
>nog nan sat there whole time
>complained to staff after movie
>get free tickets

Still want white power movement

>>687857012
kek

>>687861174
I laughed to hard

>>687870452
no, they're in australia, you cunt

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>>687853477
>Jurassic World
>HYPE.jpg
>empty ass theater
>sit down
>mfw 2 people sit directly behind me talking and shit the whole time chewing on their food like its their last meal
>tfw i couldnt even enjoy the movie I waited so long to see

>>687864571
I wish I had been there kekke'd so hard