I killed a man

I have pictures of cheese pizza on my computer.

I tore a "Do not tear" tag off a shirt once.

I went in the 10 item or less express till at the supermarket... but I had 11 items.

i removed the "do not remove" tag on my mattress

>>687764339
Drove over 100 mph on the highway once

>>687765031
sick fuck

I enjoyed an Ewe Boll movie...

I talked during nap time

>>687764339
I killed a man in Reno just to watch him die

>>687765403

I thought Postal was worth a laugh.

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Finally figure out a way to make a million dollars. Try to share my knowledge but no one will believe me. Now I throw shit all over in public restrooms to release my anger.

I tore a "do not remove except by owner" tag off my neighbors mattress.

>>687765547
did you stab him?

I used to actually fuck some of my relatives. Considered incest in the states. There's not a lot to do between KCMO and Omaha. I started at it when I was 14. Although it's water under the bridge, I'm sure still quite close to my sister in particular.

>>687764339
borrowed a housemates egg when i didnt have one

he borrowed one back the other day

9/11

I jerked off to the movie Philadelphia.

>>687764659
Mods

I enjoyed John Carter

Broke into a country gas station and stole beer and smokes. We came from a cornfield across the street from the store, hit the glass door with a brick and went in, we were wasted so we ended up with a garbage bag full of Virginia Slims 120's Menthal. Also, spilled all the beer we got in the corn field running like hell.

I ate a twig

Back when the internet as we know it was new (early nineties) and much more like the wild west, I saw quite a lot of shit that would get one in very hot water.

Arson, made my local paper

01000110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 01110011 01100101 01101100 01100110 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100100 01110101 01101101 01100010 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 01110100 01100001 01110010 01100100 00100000 00001010 01011001 01101111 01110101 00100111 01110010 01100101 00100000 01101100 01101001 01110100 01100101 01110010 01100001 01101100 01101100 01111001 00100000 01110010 01100101 01110100 01100001 01110010 01100100 01100101 01100100

Years ago I burnt a bum's house by accident with some kid from my block.
Want me to tell the story? I will if you're interested /b/

>>687764339
Slashed a girl's tire.

>>687766297
Nice, I did some of that in my time. Long ago

I indirectly killed my own father after I found out tht he was merely using me. (got sent back to marocco because his only reason to stay here lawfully was having a son who needs him, and I denied any relations between me and him, he got stoned in his home-village for leaving his family for a christian woman)

I acquire and redistribute a certain white substance.

>>687766733
semen

>>687764339
Email phishing scheme at my university. Stole almost a thousand passwords. A lot of people used the same password for their Facebook and personal email.

>>687766311
>01100100
Nice work

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I raped and beat my ex gf because she cheated on me. We were teenagers....

>>687764339
Nice try coppers i aint tellin you shit

>>687766733
you guzzle cum?

Shot a hiker on purpose, claimed it was an accident because she wasnt wearing an orange vest.

>>687767218
How would he redistribute the cum after guzzling?

>>687767510
By separating it from his shit with his teeth.

Holocaust, not sure if you can consider this a crime but yeah been there done that.

Date raped ex because she cheated on me. Got her passed out drunk and fucked her in the ass in the front yard and left her on the ground with an anal cream pie. Her girl friend told me she could barely walk the next day. Her landlady may have seen her. Still feels right 10 years later.

I kill marta del castillo

>>687764339
I put a Wendy's burger in a Burger King bag at sea once.

I'm technically a pirate...

I kill cats and dogs i find in my neighborhood.

>>687766698
What was he using you for? There's got to be a pretty good reason for wanting him deported

#687764339
I've told a penny off the ground, I knew I should have just gave it to the police.

>>687764339
i stole some guy from my schools car when i was drunk and drove to another party from the one we were at
he doesnt like me much

>>687764339
YOU CANT FOOL ME FBI.

>>687768143
Onviously to stay in the US you dumb fuck. Ever heard of anchor babies?

I leave my cum on children's playgrounds.

>>687768323
I don't find that as a likely reason to want your father deported. If that's the reason, then it's a fucking dumb one

Fraud: I've saved and made thousands using fake loyalty cards for shops. I modified a travel ticket app to get free travel.

Theft: I've stolen countless things from work, laptops, phones, money.

Assault: I pushed a man clean off his feet for no reason whatsoever. It was a dark street and he was on his own and drunk.

I dick flash random women as a fun hobby.

>>687764339

I told a girl that bullied me in class (note: i was the silent kid with superior grades)
that she looked ugly as fuck and i told her every bit of detail she was insecure about, also the ones she can't change, like her big penis-shaped nose. Class went silent. Teacher was laughing his ass off, girl cried, i made friends. It gave me confidence and the girl i just rekt has no friends anymore

>>687768710
my god... you

PUSHED

a drunk man??

How are you even living with yourself right now? People like you are the scum of the earth.

I raped a virgin girl while on leave from the navy

>>687765031
YOU SICK FUCK

>>687765646

Kek

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>>687768444

i stole an ash tray.
also like...a walnut from wallmart..just 1 tho

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I shitpost random pictures that i get from facebook

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I downloaded a movie.

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I didn't tip my waitress tonight even tho the service was excellent.

>>687767843
GG mate

>>687769171

You're in the Navy... no one is surprised that you raped someone.

>>687766213
R@y?

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I'm sure this is breaking some law.

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>>687767843

>>687766366
Rich kid crime

>>687769404
Was in the navy not anymore

>>687768142
bet you think you're edgy af you lonely neckbeard.

>b8 af

>>687769404
Tbf she was super asking for it.

>>687768143
I didn´t even know I had a father until i turned 16, when he called me and told me he wanted to meet up n shit, I was extremely excited and didn´t tink anything bad could come out of it. he gave me some presents, money, was really nice to me, and then out of the blue asked me to do a favor for him, I was supposed to tell some civil servants that I needed him and all that. When I asked him why I never got to see him before, it was clear he was making up bullshit so i wouldn´t get mad and all my excitement turned to anger. Told him I´d do it, and when I got asked about my father in the office later, I told them he was just a stranger who wanted to pay me in order to say good things about him.

>>687764339
I accidently all the pizza

>>687765547
nice cash

>>687766698
Hahahahahahahahahaha you piece of shit

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I derail threads i dont like

I am the angle fish. Aka manglerfish

>>687769520

Jesus Christ.

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>>687769777
Jesus Christ.

>>687767341
Edge lord

>>687765803
who didn't?

>>687769777
What?

>>687769153

I'm not posting in here as a regret...

Sorry that I didn't rape him

>>687769777
Holy get for jesus

>>687766850
How did you know

>>687768710
how the fuck does the travel ticket thing work

>>687769404
Surprise is that it was not a man

>>687769777
>Jesus Christ
>lucky 7's
Check'd

>>687769597
Because you grew like a mushroom out of a sandnigger

>>687764589
with this thumb

>>687764339
I shot the sheriff.

>>687765771
Bush? Is that you?

scared the shit out of these 5 19 year olds for smoking pot behind my garage. Asked them to leave and they told me ok and came back 5 mins later. me and 3 of ny friends went ahead and put on these masks and confronted them. They were scared shitless. We forced them to get on their knees and pretended we were gonna beat one with a metal bat. Did the whole "enie meenie minee mo" thing and they were legit trembling and crying. Then we just wacked the fence next to them to scare them and yelled at them to run. Still havent had a problem with them since

>>687769777
It's pronounced "Hey-Zeus"
And I don't know you

>>687767843
Hot

>>687764339
I fucked a table if that counts

>>687770521
I thought you shot the deputy?

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I downloaded music from thepiratebay

Gotten away from cops twice on my old motorcycle.

>>687766311

01001110 01101111 00100000 01100110 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100010 01110101 01100100 01100100 01111001

I was going to buy some chapstick at Walmart but I put it in my pocket and forgot about it, so I stole it :O

Ive outrun the police countless times on my trx 450r ;)

>>687769597
Should have extorted him further. Asked for monthly sums of money.

not a crime but i cheated on my girlfriend a bunch of times. ive been caught four times and she keeps taking me back, and i feel like i dont deserve her

Got in a fight once with a nigger. Ive had training in BJJ and was in the wrestling team. He was just another nig nog basketball player who thought he was tough. He started swinging and kicking and i played defense till he tried to grab me. Slammed his ass on the floor soo hard he broke his wrist trying to cushion the fall. Proceeded to pop his knee out of its socket with a leg lock. I warned him i would fuck his leg up if he didnt stop and he spat on me so i popped it. He couldnt play basketball again and everyone was kinda like "wtf" when i won a fight without throwing a single punch. He did break my nose with a good left hand but my nose breaks easy so it was no problem. Didnt get in trouble cause no one could ID me as i was not at my local park but another cities park

I steal Premium Plus Crackers all the time at my local IGA bistro, and one time a pack of starbursts.

>>687764339
Identity theft
Crédit fraud
Burglary

>>687771596
Lol 450 okay pleb.

>>687764339
tresspassed of U.S. recruitment station/shelter property...ta teach of reality of life of now.
Since of Mericans of living of an exigency/emergency of a technology so I am of communication of spiel of technology of text of:_"-------\_
Three/3 communications/explanations/informations/texts of a technology:
1/One: body muscle movement caused/since of energies at human caused/since of energies sent from machines far of miles/kilometers;
and/or/an-other-communication of 2/Two: human of technology of machines...machines transmit/send energy...energy at/striked/hitting metals in human...metals moved/arranged...so/causing/thus...electricity of in of body so...body muscle flexing of human of living of tensing/slackening of muscle;
and/or/an-other-communication of 3/Three: STIMULATION OF BODY-MOVING/LIKE-SENSE SINCE OF ELECTRICITY OF CAUSED OF IN OF BODY SINCE 1. tiny metals in human 2. metals moved since of energies striked/hitting metals 3. energies sent/from machine far/distant/not-close/no-nearness of miles.
_/-------"_:-_
I got/received a text of communication/question/ask of technology of body muscle flexing caused of energies of machines far of miles:_"\_ Everyone knows this already. How do you fix it. _/"_:-_ . I am of communication/answer/reply of letter of word of language of text of:_"\_ Humans of policing/military live of:_[\_ slackening/tensing of muscles of earlier and later of slackening/tensing of muscles since of brain of body of since of human of living of brain of body of since of sense/sensation of communication/text/speech of computer program software of language of words of anything/everything/eachthing/allthings of human of living of _{-\_[-\_ slackening/tensing of muscles of earlier and later of slackening/tensing of muscles _/-]_{--\_[--\_ and _/--]_ and _[--\_ or _/--]_/--}_[-\_ flexing of muscles so of living of muscle of nearer and and or farther of muscle _/-]_/-}_/]_:-_/"_:-_

>>687771982
450 is the perfect quad.

>>687765922
I saw it in the cinema... and even bought the dvd

>>687764339
Hand washed dry clean only shirt.

>>687766997
crazy guy

>>687772159
Were your hands dry?

>>687772245
Not in the slightest my man

I and sex in the missionary position while holding hands and kissing with eye contact for the sole purpose of procreation.

Pissed in a soap dispenser.... at multiple bars..

>>687772318
holy shit dude...

>>687772357
Was he awake?

>>687772049
Yeah all those high-speed 4-wheeler chases you see on the news. Sure thing bud. Heavier than a sports bike and super high rollover risk. I'd believe you outran a fat cop on foot.

>>687772419
This IS totally anonymous right I'm not gonna get arrested for that shit?

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>>687764339
>elude police officer going 120 mph
>beat 2 men near to death
>destroyed homeless mans shelter which im sure took him several years to gather and fortify.
homeless guy literally had something for everything, knowing he froze to death after i destroyed his home makes me laugh.

>>687772442
She was
>gays cant procreate dumbass

Used to shoplift and steal from my friend's houses. I threw rocks at cars when I was younger and lied to a police officer about it, not sure if that's illegal. When I was a pre teen I did stupid shit like abuse animals and fuck up school property. I stole money from my parents too. when I was 14 I tried to kill my mother because I was angry and unstable, came after her with a metal fork and planned on stabbing her.

>>687764339
felony assault and possible attempted murder.

Then again I stopped two guys from raping a woman so I don't feel bad that I literally broke the teeth out of their mouths and left them to die

>>687772556
Edgy

>>687772556
>homeless guy literally had something for everything, knowing he froze to death after i destroyed his home makes me laugh.
nice

>>687772528
Well you didn't get dubs so your post probably isn't high profile enough to attract attention.

>>687764339
I shot 2pac

>>687769459
kill yourself u sick fuck

I put cup ramen in the microwave

>>687764339

I disagreed with a SJW, and a /pol/fag.

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>>687772556
>>destroyed homeless mans shelter which im sure took him several years to gather and fortify.
>homeless guy literally had something for everything, knowing he froze to death after i destroyed his home makes me laugh.

crashed company luxury car, smiled after it before getting fired

felt proud

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>>687772563
Implying I wasn't calling you a faggot, faggot.

>>687772556
New addition to best of greentext

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>>687765763

I have a record for acts of lacivhiosnes

Dealt drugs on deep web in high school

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>>687764339
I got dubs and didn't check em

>>687772776
I implied you were dubass

>>687772878
got more like this?

I punched a sleeping female tramp in the face, who was lying on a church bench, minutes after running from the police for racially abusing a bouncer.

>>687772700
But you do ans yours is and mines linked.
FUUÙUUUUUUÙUUUUUU....

I....I went on disney channel.com without my parent's permission.

>>687766311
look mom I can use a binary translator

>>687772762
>>687772693
>>687772556
>>687772820
Samefag

>>687771753
That would be because you don't.

>>687772820
its ok im high

I called someone a faggot once.

>>687764603
what kind of crust?

>>687772904
Implication noted.
Why you biting?

>>687773113
Faggot.

I knocked out my son in law and left him for dead off of 635 and 30

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>>687773052
>Samefag

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>>687772999

>>687772556
>>687772693
>>687772762
Samefagging edge lord faggot

>>687773146
stuffed garlic

>>687773153
Biting?

>>687772974

>>687772556
Fuck the homeless. cocksuckers get free rides to jail and enjoy luxury with our tax money

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>>687768444
nice trips

i'm a sick fuck

>>687766311
dont know why i would bother putting this is a decoding program.
kek

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>>687773052
Wrong.

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>>687773352

>>687772572
We all know you used to fucking steal from us faggot

>>687773365
Lol I was unsure about the last one

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>>687772556
>>687767843

>>687764339
When I was 12 I stole my uncles glock.22 and went around shooting it in the desert.

>>687773352
>>687773398
how?

I was raped a few times , but it was sorta my fault cause i guess i was asking for it u-u

>>687773235
?

>>687773201
Faggot.

>>687773511
Faggot. with dubs.

>>687773412
sorry man

>>687773202
Texas fag

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>>687772974
Ya

>>687773563
Faggot

>>687773511
Queermosexual

>>687768976
Hahah sounds like my entire high school experiancr

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Everyone here is a faggot.

>>687773496
You're still a sissy faggot

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>>687773601

>>687773601
i dig this stuff, more i you got it.

>>687772999
You sick fuck

>>687773663
Including you m80

>>687773584
Lol bread pussy

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>>687773679

>>687764339
I cheated on a test in high school

I still have a vhs from blockbusters.

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>>687764339
i raped my sister while she was sleeping.
True story

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>>687773663
im not gay you fucking faggot.
>bisexual master race reporting in

>>687771795
Highly doubtful, you probably got your ass kicked and made this story up

>>687765709
Was she your first sex? who started it?

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>>687773781

>>687773679
What the fuck this is awesome
Post more lel

>>687773830
Bi sexuals are still faggots, faggot

>>687772776
> calls others faggots
> screenshots image rather than saving it

>>687773760
I'm not denying it.

>>687764339
jaywalking

I went /b/ when I was underage

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>>687773910
Too much work to dump the rest from my phone

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>>687773921
>Bi sexuals are still faggots, faggot

>>687773953
As long as we're clear man. Love you

>>687773922
Actually I zoomed in on the original to point out that niggers stupid face.
Reminded me of you.
Stupid fucking nigger.

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>>687773910

>was a peeping Tom for a few years as a kid. Spied on lots of people fucking and changing and going to the bathroom. People in my neighborhood and church mostly
>long time klepto and shoplifter. Stolen tens of thousands from stores lifetime. Vidya, cigarettes, porn(when I was young before internet) sodas, toys, pretty much anything.
>was at a rock show and some chick that was crowd surfing bumped my head and chipped my tooth. She was drunk and got up and started talking to some one. I was super pissed so I punched her in the back of the head and ran off.
>I made over $1500 over the course of 2 months by just buying beer for underage kids when I turned 21. Doesn't include the unlimited amount of weed, cigarettes and beer that I got for free. Dumb kids thought a 24 pack of Busch cost 24 dollars

I feel a bit better

>>687771744
Hire this man immediately. Not bad/10

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>>687774105

I actually went 56 on a 55 zone. Will the FBI see this?

>>687764603
Start a cp thread

>>687764339
I complimented my friend's moustache
Then she got mad and slapped me

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>>687774159
oh my fucking god kekd

I poured the milk first

I stole 30$ from somebody

>>687774228
Kek

>>687773881
because.... yeah

>>687772410
I did this once in the teacher's bathroom in highschool. I feel kinda bad about it now. That's just nasty.

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>>687774228
Kek

>>687764589
Mama I just killed a man
put my gun against his head
pulled the trigger now he's dead

>>687774013
Love you too, faggot.

>>687774254
It's the best gif I have.

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>>687774228
>I complimented my friend's moustache
>Then she got mad and slapped me

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>>687774004
shut your mouth you fucking queer

>>687764589
AND I LIKED IT TASTE OF HIS CHERRY CHAPSTICK

Made up this bullshit protip investment scam
Got heaps of suckers to pay me
Now living in the hollywood hills driving my lambo and reading books

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>>687774459
QUEERS DONT LIEK CHICKS FAGGOT

This girl I knew posted a pic of herself on facebook
She included with the selfie "im ugly af dont look at me"
Everybody was being a white knight and i was like
"Why post a picture if you don't want anyone to look at you because you re ugly"
Everyone got mad

I fed on league of legends

Multiple assaults.
Lit a fire in the forest that probably would have gone completely out of control if not for the FD's response time.
Lit my school on fire, got interviewed by the city paper about the fire.
Killed hundreds of animals, dissected some of them. Biggest was a young deer I ran down (trapped itself in a fenced in graveyard, I was young and a champion runner in school at the time). Smallest was frogs.
Threw rocks at cars driving on the highway from the top of a cliff in the mountains, one car ended up being a cop.
Threw rocks at house windows in the middle of the night.
Attempted molestation of a minor, though I was a minor too so I'm not sure how that would work out in court. I didn't actually know it was wrong at the time.
Multiple hundreds of thefts.
Smoke weed for decades.
Sold weed.
Jaywalking.
Vandalism.
Smoking in areas prohibited to smoke in.
Speeding, topped out at ~200kph in a 100kph zone. Might have been faster, spedometre stopped moving at 200kph.
Think that's about it.

>>687774518

hai tai

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>supported fallout 4

>>
...Anonymous
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
tresspassed of U.S. recruitment station/shelter property...ta teach of reality of life of now.
Since of Mericans of living of an exigency/emergency of a technology so I am of communication of spiel of technology of text of:_"-------\_
Three/3 communications/explanations/informations/texts of a technology:
1/One: body muscle movement caused/since of energies at human caused/since of energies sent from machines far of miles/kilometers;
and/or/an-other-communication of 2/Two: human of technology of machines...machines transmit/send energy...energy at/striked/hitting metals in human...metals moved/arranged...so/causing/thus...electricity of in of body so...body muscle flexing of human of living of tensing/slackening of muscle;
and/or/an-other-communication of 3/Three: STIMULATION OF BODY-MOVING/LIKE-SENSE SINCE OF ELECTRICITY OF CAUSED OF IN OF BODY SINCE 1. tiny metals in human 2. metals moved since of energies striked/hitting metals 3. energies sent/from machine far/distant/not-close/no-nearness of miles.
_/-------"_:-_
I got/received a text of communication/question/ask of technology of body muscle flexing caused of energies of machines far of miles:_"\_ Everyone knows this already. How do you fix it. _/"_:-_ . I am of communication/answer/reply of letter of word of language of text of:_"\_ Humans of policing/military live of:_[\_ slackening/tensing of muscles of earlier and later of slackening/tensing of muscles since of brain of body of since of human of living of brain of body of since of sense/sensation of communication/text/speech of computer program software of language of words of anything/everything/eachthing/allthings of human of living of _{-\_[-\_ slackening/tensing of muscles of earlier and later of slackening/tensing of muscles _/-]_{--\_[--\_ and _/--]_ and _[--\_ or _/--]_/--}_[-\_ flexing of muscles so of living of muscle of nearer and and or farther of muscle _/-]_/-}_/]_:-_/"_:-_

I stole around $12k worth of electronics from best buy when I worked in their customer service call center

>>687764339
I sold my kidney for WoW game time

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FUCK IT SEND ME TO JAIL FAGGOTS, I PAID TO SEE DRAGONBALL EVOLUTION AND I HAVE NO REGRETS.

>>687774762
You're a piece of shit.

Took XTC
Stole bike
Graffiti on wall

>>687764339
01001001001000000110000101110100011001010010000001100001001000000110110101100001011011100111001100100000011011000110100101110110011001010111001000100000011101110110100101110100011010000010000001110011011011110110110101100101001000000100011001100001011101100110000100100000011000100110010101100001011011100111001100100000011000010110111001100100001000000110000100100000011011100110100101100011011001010010000001000011011010000110100101100001011011100111010001101001

01001001001000000110000101110100011001010010000001100001001000000110110101100001011011100111001100100000011011000110100101110110011001010111001000100000011101110110100101110100011010000010000001110011011011110110110101100101001000000100011001100001011101100110000100100000011000100110010101100001011011100111001100100000011000010110111001100100001000000110000100100000011011100110100101100011011001010010000001000011011010000110100101100001011011100111010001101001

I took a nice huge steamy dump on your grandmother's chest

I wrote "negroe is not that offensive" in Germany it carries a 10 year sentence for attempted holocaust.

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I've stolen from the government.

>>687765226
thats for retailers, dickhead.

>>687765031
>>687774762
>Jaywalking
Fuck off faggot

>>687764339
I killed a bunch of puppies by throwing them on the river, Burned a cat during new years eve, fucked a bunch of girls by fooling them, etc. And I feel sad just by remembering everything.

>>687775035

Then you'll really hate the fact I never got busted for any of it. Other than the weed part, I ended up a model citizen. And the weed will be legal by next year, so even there I'm not all that bad a person. :)

I do all my street racing in mexico. Come at me

i pooped my pants last week :(

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>>687769777
Holiest get I've ever witnessed

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I shop lifted with my boyfriend, got caught and put all the blame on him. I also acted really nice to the cop and even joked around with him, which pissed off my boyfriend. The cop instantly told me I was good to go after that.

>mfw he got arrested and they let me go

I fingered my younger sister and watched her underess under the door. I also took pics but had to delete after awhile because she was a minor

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>>687765646
Kek

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>>687775264
I've got a 55k bounty on my head for the info that I know. Do I trump you niggers yet.