When the bodies twitch out of nowhere does it scare the shit out of you every time or do you get used to it?

What's your busiest month of the year?

>>687427343
they only twitch when you play with the nerves (which most people in this field do when they're bored) + the typical gas release. Get used to it, very interesting to see how individual nerves work first hand.

>>687427102
when granma wakes up on the slab do you choke her back into death so as not to lose your money?

>>687427536
Holiday's for sure, Christmas, right before/after new years..drunk drivers..summer gets bad bc gang violence (right outside of Chicago)

ever fiddled with a dead hotty?

Have you ever worked on someone you were close to? Or knew well enough to call a friend? If so, was is that like on your mental state? I'm assuming morticians have a diffevent perspective on things.

How's the weather?

>>687427606
still waiting on some shit like that to really happen in all honesty.

>>687427711
get lots of hot young high school / college chicks but nah, very sad to see.

>>687427102
do you slip the body out of the expensive coffin and into a cardboard one before cremation so you can resell the coffin?

>>687427711
This

>>687427102
Have you ever experienced any sort of attraction or arousal to any of the corpses? Not that I'm implying anything. I'm just curious.

What is the most fucked up thing you've done at work, either with a body or with the equipment.

>>687427718
worked on an old high school friend (graduated in 2003) good dude with wife, kids..had just come home from a stint in Afghanistan & bought one of those damn Ninja Bikes, you can assume the rest..those things + rainy day = no bueno

>>687427102
How many bodies do you handle a week?

>>687427102
do you sell the body of a cremation to some Mexican medical school and just shovel up a box of over spill ash to give to the customer?

>>687427102
How often do you leave a load of you semen inside a body before display?

What's the deal with panties? Are most corpses buried wearing them? Have you ever seen them? Were any sexy?

>>687427880
nah and the crazy part is a local rival in our county just got shut down for trying the same thing.

>>687427102
Did you ever touch a dead girl's boob?

>>687427102
Do you prefer prearrangments?

>>687428046
get a lot of pretty young chicks and as fag as it sounds, nothing but sadness. if anything i'm too busy cussing at them for how they croaked, usually retarded driving

What was it like having Thing dance all over your vagina with his strong but nimble fingers?

>>687428076
playing with nerves, sometimes I kinda day dream and end up cutting open shit that doesn't need to be opened.

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>>687427102
do you watch zombie movies and just laugh and laugh?

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>>687428467

>>687427672
>summer gets bad bc gang violence (right outside of Chicago)
That's the first time I've heard of gang violence having to do with seasons.

>>687427102
How long would a fully embalmed corpse last until it started to decay? Also what's the point of embalming? (aside from being a money spinner)

>>687428613
You don't know about the Spring Time Boppers?

>>687427102
How did you start working in the field?

Biggest dick you've seen ?

>>687428613
niggers hate the cold.. and chicago is fuckin cold..

they wake up and are like "damn, better go kill some people, while we have this 3 weeks of nice weather"

>>687428613
too cold for niggers to go out and kill people in winter

>>687428693
I feel fucking goofy that I googled that.

>>687428138
7 - 15, some as less as 4, others as many as 17, on busy weeks most funerals go to churches so we do have a one person per day limit if you wanna hold the service here. Most cant wait that long though if we're backed up, which we always are.

>>687428613
Pretty commonly known fact in the psychological and law enforcement field is that violent crimes trend with ambient temperature. Higher temp = higher rate of violent crimes.

>>687428763
>>687428773

twinning

>>687428774
Any good results?

Someone in your field of work told me about breaking off someone's eyelid when putting in an eyelid cap. Something about eyes shrink so you gotta stuff something in there to make the corpse look less freaky.

Is this a possibility or was he messing with me?

>>687427102
have you ever cremated an embalmed corpse on accident and blown the door off the oven?

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>>687427102
Are you gay with an autistic brother and emo bitch sister?

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>>687428944

>>687428145
I try to get as much ash from the deceased as much as i can, you can't prevent other peoples shit from mixing in, it's very little though..not like you're getting half of your mom and the other half is some homeless dude.

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>>687428847
Killing an Arab https://g.co/kgs/zqT6hb

>>687427868
i call bullshit

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>>687428904
THESE STREETS AINT SAFE

>>687428944
no thank god but I know some people who have left empty med bottles in those who are to be buried. Small shit though, like those tiny alcohol bottles poorfags buy.

>>687428613
Chicago Cold keeps those niggers inside most of the time, trust me.

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>>687427711

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>>687427868
>get lots of hot young high school / college chicks

>>687429109
sorry i'm not as sick as you'd hope i'd be.

>>687429308
As opposed to the rampant white gang violence as they stealthily kill each other while blending in with piles of snow.

>>687427102
Have you checked these dubs?
>>687427711
>>687428600
>>687428944

What's the panty situation like?

What's your opinion on Six Feet Under?

>>687429415
you're on /b/ though.

Did you go to school to be a mortician?
Do you plan on opening your own home or do you plan to eventually move on?

>>687428627
all depends on what mix you use, some people do a real shit job and they decay in 72 hours, others 20- 30 years. There are old lost ingredients from the early 19th century where people have lasted 100 years.

>>687429541
got lost on my way to /mlp/

>>687429647
>lost ingredients
Did they just stop existing?

>>687429647
ITT: The key to being a successful serial killer, is to be a really shit mortician.. thx op

>>687429647
You mean the methods were lost?

>>687429556
Yes I did, I'm actually going to OCS for the navy in august so my time is almost up.

>grandfather was navy pilot
>dad was navy pilot
>me want to be fly man 2

>>687429647
Is there any real point if the body is just going to be buried? I've heard it's pretty bad for the environment too.

>>687428627
>IV radioactive materials
>radiation kills all the bacteria
>no decay, perfect body, look just like the day it died

what i wouldnt give for this to happen to my body. trouble is nobody would be able to see me, given that i'd be radioactive enough to give everybody in the nearby are cancer.

>>687429885
yeah i'm sure someone has them in their attic or wall. random ass places like that.

>>687428695
was grave detail in the army for 4 years, decided it wasn't such a bad gig so after i discharged i just went to school.

>>687429968
or it was buried with the dumbledoor of morticians like the one ring

What's the most fucked up mangled body you've had to deal with? Did you have to reassemble it and try to make it look less fucked up or did it just get stuffed in the box?

>>687430319
I wouldn't put it past anyone, even today people are very anal about secrets of the trade, vault protected methods and the whole 9 yards.

What state do you practice in?

>>687430636
He mentioned Chicago earlier so...

>>687430441
two 17 year old boys 2 days away from graduation, 102+ down the interstate into the back of a semi trailer, both nearly decapitated, heads barely hanging on by a small layer of skin. by law even if they come straight to us someone has to come and identify, mother of the driver was so distraught she begged us for about 3 whole days straight to let it be open casket, told her cremation would be best. Took us nearly two weeks to convince the family of the driver to cremate him, sad shit

>>687430780
>>687430636
Illinois

>>687428997
I can clearly hear his laughter in my head.

how much do you earn?

>>687431354
67k+ benefits

>free burial, tombstone, casket
>half hearted kek

>>687431595
how old are you

>>687427102
are you allowed to do Viking funerals out on the lake?

I've been interested in the funeral home field of work, how would I start? What are the basic jobs?

>>687427102
Have you ever come across tbe body of someone you know and how did it make you feel?

>>687431722
27

>>687431781
no but a lot of homes in the south do that shit where they'll prop you up on a bike or something. We keep it simple & as non creepy as possible.

>>687431911
isnt that too old to become a navy pilot

>>687431828
He already answered this dipshit

>>687432023
what if I supply my own longship?

>>687431797
if you're 21 or about to turn 21 go straight to mortician school, if not try to get a desk job taking calls, cleaning, many times the head honcho will need you to assist in a pick-up no matter what your job at the home is. Start lifting because you will pick up fat fucks from time to time.

>>687432077
waiver + have to be commissioned by 27 and a half, i'm making it but barely

>>687432320
What's the fattest fucker you've had to deal with? Also tell us about the smelliest.

>>687432320
I'm currently looking into school, but not one in my area. But a few decent homes. I want to work for money but interested in interning if possible. I already lift dead weight fat fucks that are alive in hospitals, rather do it to dead people instead.

>>687427102
Do you view dead people as empty vessels or still as the same person?

>>687431828
high school friend, made me feel like shit mostly because he was active duty army, had a hard time putting on his uniform (emotionally not physically) patriotic fag so was feeling really gay during the whole ordeal. Crying tears all into his chest cavity, kek

>>687427102
ever had a customer arrive in a bucket?

>>687432691
empty for sure, not religious but you leave the body asap no doubt, people think that if you died in some tragic way you remain but that's only when you've been killed and buried under your basement or something. Proper burials are important IMO

>>687432863
can you fly a plane

>>687433146
I see, thanks.

>>687427868
You seem like a decent dude man. I would by you a beer, that kinda job cant be easy in the heart and mind

>>687433146
>Proper burials are important IMO
Yeah because otherwise how are you going to make all that lovely money.

Do you go by Mort, Morty, or Mortimer?

>>687432570
fattest was this 624 58 year old, former high school teacher. died in his bed via cardiac arrest..took 8 of us, had to put him in a small pickup (rental so it looked nice) + black drape over him. His coffin was a pretty penny.

>>687428267
That is fucked up

>>687433316
not even that. just gently putting someone into the ground + a few words are important in any case, home or not. We do give full house freebies to emergency services + military & college students

>>687433302
hey thanks brother, it takes a toll i cant lie but it makes me appreciate shit a lot more.

>>687433615
Do mortuary colleges require corpses for classes? Do they pay for them?

OP I have a master degree in genetics & 0 experience. Do you think I can work as a mortician?

>>687433397
king actually, originally from Queens, NY so when i came out here people started calling me king after they asked where i was from.

I actually was inspired to be a mortician at one point. But I like self expressing with tattoos and piercings. That gay shit. What would be the kind of restrictions when it comes to stuff like that?

>>687428236

Good question

>>687429470

underrated as fuck

>>687433898
of course you already have more valuable education pertaining to the field than 80% of M-School students. Know one chick with a degree in African american studies & of course she failed, shit won't help in a trade.

>>687433727
Dudes like you dont get enough credit, people put alot of trust in you to take care of the people they love most. Good luck with that and good luck with OCS im tryn to go plc for the marine corps but shit is fucking competitive atm.

>>687433954
constantly have to dress business casual so any type of lobe stretching & hardcore visible ink is a no-no

Do you dream about your job? Or daydream? Or pretty much can imagine everyone you meet on the slab?

>>687434114
Thanks man. I also have a bachelor's in molecular biology and we use to cut up dead people at college.That's why I was wondering. You have any advice where should I start?

>>687434211
Thanks man! I barely made it with my age so i'm lucky to have my package approved, and yeah it is my brother was commissioned via the MCECP for e-5's and above, took a long ass time.

>>687428613
>That's the first time I've heard of gang violence having to do with seasons.

All kinds of people get capped on the 4th of July in Chiraq. Fireworks help cover up the sound of gunfire.

>>687434293
Yeah I've imagined myself on it and the my porky ass female boss fixing me, talking shit no doubt bc educated half breed beaner

>>687434399
Np brother, meceps is my other option if plc doesnt pan out. I just want to serve in the corps but getting a better pay and actually be in charge of people sounds like a better wau to go about it

>>687427102
What must one do to feel useful... ?

>>687434354
what state are you in?

>>687434711
North Dakota

>>687434607
>Chiraq
Could you edgefag harder?

>>687434662
mcecp is way too long to be honest god only knows when you would make sgt, you have a degree already?

Do you like listening to Bones or do you strictly keep it to Chief Keef? Also why are open caskets so important in American culture? Are you also responsible for screwing in the plastic buttplugs?

>>687434858
>Could you edgefag harder?

Nah. I'm not into edging but ruined orgasms are pretty sweet...

>>687427102

Does your funeral home take Bitcoin?

>>687434778
oh shit haha i used to live in SD, Sioux Falls. just hit up wilson state they have a program

>>687435107
we as Americans love life way too much, I mean who doesn't but we really hate dying and seeing people die. I think the habit of holding all is ingrained too deeply at this point.

>hate chief keef
>listens to Bandgang - Masoe (Detroit rapper)

>>687435274
Lol I used to work with someone from Sioux Falls. Thanks.

>>687435536
no doubt!

OP HERE: gotta go my dear fags, thanks for all the great questions..will make a new thread in august if i make it through Navy OCS in august, might get that date pushed up to later this month if i'm lucky, remember to never hold grudges because you never know when you or someone will go, words left unsaid suck ass, peace.