came in my own mouth on purpose

>>686327238
Kek story

Tried to come on my face and it went up my nose.

Eatin the juice

>>686327382
Story?

Jacked it in my Mormon friend's pool to the thought of his sister

>>686327418
Skipped breakfast because I wanted to masturbate instead.

>>686327433
stop asking for story, you dense motherfucker.
What's to tell about jizzing on yourself?

Fap to passable trap porm

>>686327148
Bought a Tenga egg before work and jerked off in a McDonald's restroom stall.

kidnapped a 9 year old girl

replied to this thread

fucked a pillow

>>686327599
Noice

>>686327433
I pointed my Dick at my face when I came and it went up my nose, I have that shotgun blast and wanted to see if I could reach my face.

>gave myself enema
>lubed up
>fucked myself in the ass
>with my own dick

>>686327597
Kek

>>686327148
1) eaten my own cum
2) inserted objects into anus
3) inserted objects into dick
a) finger (ripped my hole, literally came blood)
b) a ball point pen, pissing for the next 3 days was the most painful thing I have ever felt
4) downloaded copious amounts of porn that I'll never watch (some of it borderline illegal)
5) fapped so much my dick got a blister

>>686327591

Kill yourself.

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>>686327148
Upload my gfs pics to her fb

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>>686327148
Licked my boss's wife's asshole. It turned out she took a shit 30 min before

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>>686327148
I put my penis in a girls vagina.

>>686327591
Drink bleach

Went outside in the middle of the night naked to jerk off

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Was visiting a friend who lived a couple states away.
I was about to take a shower when I noticed that someone had left a bra slung over the showerhead. I just assumed it was his sister's.
Took the bra, stuffed it in my pocket and dashed out of the bathroom only to go into another bathroom (that didn't have a shower) to do the deed.
Filled the cups, put it back into my pocket, and made my way upstairs. Found my friend's sister's room and threw the bra in there like it was a plague infested rat.
Half a day goes back and nobody says anything. Mother walks down the hall and notices sister's bedroom door is wide open with the bra over the bed. Can hear her shout; "So-and-so, why is my bra on your bed?!"

Whoops.

>>686327914
kek

Asked a girl first week of high school if she wanted to fuck.

huge mistake.

beat the meat so much i ripped a small part of the skin of, couldnt jerk it for about a week, worst part, did the same 3 month later

Fucked a slut

>>686328153
Bruh what happened

Got off with two girls, both of which had boyfriends, whilst drunk. Nearly got done for sexual assault.

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Came in my coffee mug and drank it,
better than sugar if you ask me

>>686328292
Normie

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>>686327756

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>be me
>freshman year of high school
>horny in class
>ask to use bathroom
>hide in a stall and start spanking the meat
>not able to stay hard easily
>trying to fap when all the sudden my fat as fuck (800 pound) biology teacher comes in
>he's breathing heavy. Out for blood
>goes into handicap stall. I could hear him
>hear him plop down, honk up a huge loogey and spit
>he starts groaning really loudly before farting once
>a moment later I hear a cascade of diahrrea escape his ass
>I'm terrified
>he takes half an hour before he leaves. Then I gtfo
>mfw I never heard him grab toilet paper

>>686328069
>>686327866

Mean

Chat with Moroccan whores

>>686327148
fucked my bed
couch
pillow

Realized that OP is 12 years old and didn't report him.

>>686327148
forgot to pull out

>>686328012
kek

paid good money for a piece of shit fleshlight

nothing shittier than cold hunks of rubber on your dick

>>686328825
Would you please stop replying with kek, you fucking underage cunt

>>686327238
This. And had to cum in a ridiculous position in order to succeed

>>686328890
i second this

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>>686327148
Sext with b8 on omegle and kik

>>686328890
ok i wont reply with kek anymore
1 kek is enough

>>686328980
post caps Brian

>>686328372
luckly she moved. but told all her friends.
They all tought i was a fucking freak

>>686329009
MODS please i know for a fact that this is a kid

I actually licked my gf's butthole in the middle of sex.

licked my sisters ass

>>686328890
Kek

>freshman year of college
>kissless virgin as fuck
>kinda fat girl in my calc class, after a few weeks of class she admits she has a "crush" on me
>gross, my standards are higher than that
>right?
>one day after class (ends at 8pm), decide I'm done being a kissless virgin
>walk out of class next to fatty
>tell her to drive somewhere with me
>drive to abandoned mall
>park in parking lot, talk a bit
>she tries getting on top of me
>too big
>try the back seat, lean back and she gets on top
>making out with her, she unbuttons my pants
>starts jerking me off
>pull down her leggings, finger her ass from behind
>accidentally touch her pussy a few times and it's soaked
>she gets down and sucks my cock
>puts my cock in her ass
>rides me
>cum in her butt, instant regret
>seriously, about 10 seconds after I cum I regret it
>she doesn't even wipe the cum out, she keeps it pinched in her butt
>pulls her leggings back up
>drive her back to campus without talking, drop her off at her car
>she left a spot of ass juice mixed with cum on my seat

would never do again

>>686329387
damn

let my 16 year old cousin suck my dick and fucked her. i was 17. we still mess around

>>686327370
How could there possibly be a story to this?

>>686328890
kek

>>686329438
Yeah, but at least you aren't a kissless virgin anymore

Gone to /soc/ and talk to faggots

>Was 3/4 into a bottle of Grey Goose, long story short I fucked my cheeseburger and ate it still when i was done

I loved off campus with some students in college my junior year. First party we all go to, some kf my roommates' friends come over including a few cute Asian girls.


We go to the party, get drunk, all come back and decide we should all sleep in the living room area. So everyone gets mattresses and whatnot and I locate myself to be right next to the cute girls' feet. Me being drunk, horny and autistic, I rub the girls' feet all fucking night.


When I wake up, the two girls are awake and outside, talking in the phone. They never come back to the house

I still cringe taking about this story today

>>686329438
damn
>too big to get on top in front seat
she's not kinda fat, shes a whale
>soaking just from making out
>anal is first choice
>tried to keep the cum inside
fatties are fucking nymphos apparently

>>686328890
kek

>>686327862
you need to be locked up. nasty mf

I went on craigslist m4m and had a stranger come into my house and fuck my ass.

>nothing fucks up your psyche as a man than realizing you've let someone take your ass.

>>686329903
back to your containment board >>>/lgbt/

>>686328890
Kek.

>>686327148
Fucked a fat chick. Multiple times.

>>686329940
willing to bet she was a virgin too. when she jerked me off it was basically just her punching me in the balls with her hand wrapped around my dick. she was also pretty god damn uncoordinated in general.

>>686327591
kek

>>686328890
KEK!

>>686328128
no green text?

>>686327503
Gains

>>686328890
Kek

>>686329438
Kek you still a Virgin dude

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>Me and friend walk to burger king together to get drinks
>She is wearing some really short shorts and I can see her ass coming out the bottom
>Muhdik.jpg
>Decided to take pictures when she wasn't looking
>I still shuffle my shaft to those pics
>Is this fucked up?

>>686330312
Are you autistic?

masturbated while visiting a temple in a trip to india. Came on buddha's tits.

>>686330520
Nice

>>686330453
not quite autistic but down syndrome

>>686329567
it said stupid things

>>686329387
>greentext

>>686330446
post pics James

>>686327148
Had sex.

>>686330696
wut?

>>686330722
fuck off

Since my weird ass fantasies don't happen, I tell people on omegle that they happened that day and I whack it to the response. The more they believe me, the more it turns me on.

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>>686330725
Got this one while waiting for a light to turn red

>>686327914
me gusta

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>>686328063
AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

>>686327862
>finger in dick(ripped hole, came blood)

I shouldnt but I think you should tell how this one happened

>>686330872
jesus, shes asking for it, was she into you or something?

>>686330996
I wish, I'd fuck her if I had the chance though.

Asked my dentist for oral got denied and had to find a new dentist

>>686330872
Pa?
Hmm, how is that state?

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>>686328890
kek

Clopped. I hate mlp but why not

>>686330996
You have rape fantasies, don't you?

>>686327148

fucked a trap

>>686328890
kek

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>>686331123
Fucking boring. Although they do have some good food.

>>686327148
fucked the toilet seat in work cubicle with people next to me

put dick in between top lid and seat - got on my knees and went to town

>>686328598
Holy shit kek

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>>686328890
kek xDDD

>>686327148

kissed my sister

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>>686331291

>>686327370
fucking story! what a fucking retarded ass clown.

>>686328723
Same. I once got so excited that I jumped onto my bed and fractured my dick. Didn't tell anyone or do anything about it. Twenty years later and dick still crooked. 33 and virgin because I'm afraid for anyone to see it. Married two years. Can't tell my wife. she thinks there's something wrong with her, but it's me. Such shame.

>>686328890
kek

>>686331272
Did it feel good

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Shat in my hand and smeared it all over my body, then came, then instant regret. I laugh lookin back on it.

>>686327148
Saving pictures of people who were quite ugly in hindsight.

>>686327503
I do this every week or so

>>686331445
keep samefaggin', dumbass

>>686328890
Kek.

>>686330872
Damn, that's like 15 min away from where I live

Fucked a pillow once. I was 13 and my sexuality was awakening. I had a pillow with a whole in it, and I fucked it until climax. I threw it away in disgust the next morning.

>>686331413
If shes your wife she wont care now get in bed and fuck her brains out

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>>686331461
And this was your first impulse?

>Me 17
>Bus ride home from vocational school
>Horny as fuck english teacher had sexy ass
>Had to walk to bus with hard on
>As soon as I sit down I pull my dick out
>Start fapping and came all over the back of seat in front of me
>Wipe hands on seat
>Bus driver never says anything about it

>>686331261
Recommend any good places to eat?
I travel frequently enough so Pa isn't to unrealistic

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>>686328890
Kek

>>686331696
samefag detected

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>>686331591
>Implying he knows his dad

I let my fan smack my tits until i cum

>>686328890
>KEK
>>MEME ARROWS FTW

>>686331591
?

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>>686331461

>>686330872
I seriously hope this isn't monroe county

>>686331591
fake. Ive never met a black kid named michael.

>>686330995
it started with just the end of a ballpoint pen
i'd unscrew it and lube it up, then push it in while fapping
it kind of hurt but at the same time i was really fucking horny and it felt good

i dont know what i was thinking but a couple of weeks later i lubed up my little finger and pushed the tip in while fapping.. it felt amazing and i just kept pushing it further and further, i didnt even feel any pain, just after i was done i took my finger out and there was blood just pouring out
it took a couple of days to heal but it didnt close up, now my pee hole is huge

a couple weeks later i put a whole ball point pen in but i think it cut me inside and peeing was incredibly painful, was so worried i'd have to go to a doctor and explain to them how much of a degenerate i am, havent done anything since

>>686331457

bit sore but otherwise yes

>>686331665
There's a sports bar around here that I go to sometimes to get a beer, called Aroogas. They have some pretty good buffalo chicken dip.

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>>686331766
First post

>>686327862
I never done 1 3 or 4 but the rest I have stole a condom and my mom's dildo and rode it then had shits

>>686327559
This

Am I a faggot?

>>686331591
That can't be real.

>>686329937
She may have been creeped out but boi i bet it felt good. A foot rub from anybody feels good

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>>686329909
I did this a few times too. Taco Bell tacos are where it's at though, bro. Especially if they're spicy. Leaves a nice tingle, like bengay on your balls.

Try it out, bros.

>>686331582
>>686331832
I dont really know why, i also tasted it. It was super bitter and it was a putty like shit and not actual turds so it stuck to ky tongue and i ate it.

>>686331861
Michael Jordan? Dumbass faggot

> cousin from another country visits
> hadn't seen her since she was like 5
> coming of age now
> hadn't been laid in a good year
> she is sleeping in my room, i am on the couch
> one day everyone is out and i'm alone with her
> we chill at the pool until i realise my dick is about stand at attention from the view im getting of her ass in those unnecessarily small bikini bottoms
> go back inside, need to fap or the tent in my trunks will make things really awkward
> can't stop thinking of her ass
> holy shit getting way too horny
> am i really about to do this?
> just kidding had no time to think that sensible thought
> wrap unused panties from her suitcase around cock
> sniff used ones
> orgasm was so good horny didn't fade
rubbed my load into her panties more so the stain wouldn't be obvious
> flower design
> put everything back where i found it
> starting to regain common sense
> shit gotta wash those panties
> she comes back inside
> fuck ill do it tomorrow
> got no chance to clear up my mess because she suddenly started acting really weird and protective about her shit around me
> at least she never told anyone, just started avoiding me

>>686329863
they did not kiss

>>686331591
Wtf

>>686331101
got any stories? you should go for it

>>686329940
>fatties are fucking nymphos apparently
Fat chicks are more willing to do crazy shit because they can't get attention from their looks

>>686327148
Had sex with gf, she got tired, so I pull out

Then I dangle my dick in front of her face and yell

"FINISH HIM"

>>686332114
Sour cream is ruined for me

Fucked little sister's plushie.
She confronted me about a whole in it the day after. awkward af

>>686331878
fuck off cheeseburger elvis

>>686332134
>met

>>686332075
The guy who originally posted it said she was mentally ill and he instantly regretted it

>>686331878
Fuck off randy bobandy

>>686332377
But why does his mom look like Eddie Murphy

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>>686330520

>>686331872
Post Pic of peepee hole

>>686328598
This was very spannende story

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>>686332298
It doesn't have to be. You make your own this way.

>>686332490
Good question

>>686332064
If you are I am

It only took a year for /b/ to infiltrate my mind. I've accepted it now.

I feel like Mac from Always Sunny

>>686331591
fucking gross bitch needs to shave

>>686332185
fuckin twink dick degenerate fuck up

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>>686332134
>But he isn't a kid.

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>>686332547
normally it would get wider, kind of like an asshole gaping after lots of fisting

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>>686327591

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>>686332770

>>686331291
xDDD?
Mods, ban this autistic little shitstain

>>686328224
Wtf is wrong with ur penis.

>>686332745
either way clearly Michael is used for a nigger name also

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>>686327862
Have done the blister thing

>>686332909
xDD TOPKEK

>>686332949
friction burns from rough and tough man hands

>>686328224
my daddy taught me you can prevent that by using another fella's mouth.

>>686332547
>>686332770
hey, youre not me
i would take a photo but im at work

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>>686328890
Top kek

Didn't check for a dick...

>>686328012
you're mighty lion ted

>>686333076
Doesn't matter
Go to toilet

>>686331878
Fuck off randy

>>686328890

top tipitty kekorino topitty kek

>>686327148
Didn't wear a condom and got the bitch pregnant

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I asked for a naked pic from my friend and she sent me this

>>686328890
Kek kek roodypoo

>>686328855
That's why most of them tell you to let it soak in hot water for 20 minutes before being used

>>686328943
Kek

>>686328890
kek

>>686333607
That's a nice clit. I'd suck that thing sore.

>>686328890
kek

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>>686328890
FUCKING ZOZZLE

>>686328855
Get one of those battery powered rotating ones. Best decision I ever made.

dated an evil bitch for 9 months and got back into drugs just so I could have common interest with her, ended up blowing 7 grand and went another 2 into debt, lost my job, vehicle, and a couple apartments.

>>686328890
Kek

>>686334030
Sorry bro

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>>686327370
>>686327807
>>686328147
>>686328825
>>686329414
>>686329703
>>686329959
>>686330050
>>686330290
>>686330291
>>686330358
>>686331283
>>686331291
>>686331445
>>686331544
>>686333026
>>686333380
>>686333760
>>686333835
>>686333869
>>686333941
I bet it's one or 2 stupid newfags trying to fit in
>>686333941
>>686334073
Goddamnit

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Masturbated using shampoo as lube. I wasn't in the shower, I was just using straight shampoo.
My dick got this hard fucking scab all around it, and it hurt like a bitch. Finally I managed to peel off the scab, and my dick was soft as hell afterwards because of all the new skin.
>I did it again several times
Dumbest shit I ever did.

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>>686333310
could drive a truck in there

>>686334030
I dated this bitch who had a nice ass cute and etc she lied about her age lied about being pregnant and was cheating on me nevertheless the relationship didn't last a week

>>686327148
CALL THE STANLEY AND BRANLEY SHOW, ASK US SOMEQUESTIONS NSWER SOME QUESTIONS 86281 257 93

>>686334152
Kek

The dumbest fore is probably using a remote control battery and let it penetrate me until it was completely in(honestly ot still felt nice but it was stupid). I had to pretend like I was peeing in the bathroom so it would come out. It was a relief when it came out 5 seconds after trying.

>>686332550
high bruder?

>>686328890
kekarooney