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>>686112752

>be me
>14 years old and curious about drugs
>get my brother to hook me up with some
>go to my room and lock the door
>smoke the joint, nothing special
>get the munchies/drinkies
>go to the kitchen where my parents were sitting eating lunch
>it's dark so i assume people are sleeping and i dont want to wake them
all i remember here is that i got a drink
>come back to my room and casually toss the drink onto my bed
i assumed that i had grabbed a sealed bottle of something, but according to my parents, i was wearing sunglasses and tiptoed across the kitchen where they were, and poured the slowest glass of water you'll ever see, then tiptoed back to my room.

what i actually did was toss the glass of water onto my bed where my laptop was and fucked up the laptop, as well as spilling my drink everywhere

>>686113299
I want to believe

>>686112752
Fucking Kek

>>686113520
More like this?

Ate an entire lettuce

Thought I could move objects with my mind, tried for an hour

Downloaded lady gaga's discography

Stared at the netflix title screen for 30 minutes

>>686113299
you're still 14

>>686113761
Are you me?

>>686114058
We are all one, anon.

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>be me
>some years ago
>smoked a fat joint before dinner
>at the table eating with parents
>silence, no one was talking
>look on the table and see a jar with dried spicy tomatos
>think that could be something to start a conversation with my parents
>think about something smart to say about tomatoes
>end up basically yelling something like : '' I'm not eating
anymore of those fucking tomatos, yesterday i ate a lot of them and shat so bad''
>i wasn't even eating the tomatos
>no one cared
>mother says: ''ok''
>finished eating my spaghetti and get out

>>686113520
>people who have never done acid trying to explain what acid is like

>>686114661
lost, thanks

>>686114836
True but don't tell the teenagers its not like that or they'll eat our acid.

>be me, 18
>driving home from friends house, probably smoked 3 or 4 joints
>3 grams in my pocket
>get off the freeway
>as i get in the roundabout i skid a little by accident
>as soon as i get out of the roundabout i see 3 police vans parked 50 metres ahead
>one of the cops walks in the middle of the road and holds up his hand signing me to stop
>thisisitlads.jpg
>i roll down my window and the cop moves up
note that it was 3 am in the middle of the week
>asking me where i've been
>i tell him i was at a friends house watching a movie
>he keeps asking me "routine" questions
>suddenly out of the fucking blue he asks me if i'd been smoking hash
>in my mind i'm fucking screaming, but for some reason i keep ice cold and say no
>he says the reason he asked was because my eyes were pretty bloodshot
>tell him i've got hayfever
note it's in october
>he just silently nods and looks at me
>tells me to drive more carefully
>as i'm about to drive off i forget i have the car in reverse
>back up about 5 metres before stopping
>look at cops like a deer in headlights
>they're just laughing their fucking asses off
>drive home and jerk off

reason car was in reverse was because I can't get the keys out of the ignition if it's not in reverse. i'm pretty sure the cops knew 100% that i was high, but since they were parked 3 vans at a small spot at 3 am on a thursday I guess they were after bigger fish.

>>686115238
it's actually insane how misrepresented acid is

First time i ever got high i sat on the floor and ate a can of tuna before throwing up and passing out. Good times

>>686115921
Government doesn't want people to trip.

>>686116358
government doesn't want anyone to do anything kek

Ok ive got a story for you. Once when i was 16 me and 2 of my cousins decided to smoke up but we bought off this shady as chick who was selling for $20 a g saying it was really good shit. We decided to do it anyway even though it was a bit pricy. Anyway we smoke up and go to the kitchen to get munchies. All seems fine until one of my cousins starts acting all funny and just keeps telling us he wants to go to bed. So he goes to bed and about 20 minutes later we just hear screaming coming from his room. And hes completely torn up his bed sheets and freaking out because apparently ges gone to hell and if he doesn't concentrate hard enough then the whole process resets and he goes back to hell like its a video game and he keeps respwaning in hell or some shit i dont know hes freaking out. And of course the whole house wakes up and hes auntie comes running in saying "what did you give him! What have you done!" Thinking hes possessed and praying over him and what not. End up just telling her what happened cause we are fucked either way, this cunts just dieing constantly making trips to hell. Eventually he calms the fuck down and goes to sleep. But he hasnt tried weed since.

>be me, 16, faggot stoner at new school
>week before yr 10 formal
>going to party with about 60 of my classmates
>almost all of them smoke weed, so ppl love me bc I can get different strains.for them. (They're used to the simple red beard)
>anyway, punching cones like a pro for hours on end with maybe 30 minutes break for the lungs to catch up and talk
>some chick that's been into me starts feeding me drinks
>had a thing with her sworn enemy
>go around to the back of the shed, hook up, finger fuck.
>there's a tent at the side of the shed, take her in, in front of everyone
>close the tent and start eating her out
>mother of the hosts party comes in
Cont?...

>>686113299
you stole this, ive seen this one before but different, funnier.

>>686117252
No.

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I like this thread, I usually lurk but I got some oc.

>be 19
>only been drunk twice, believe you're supposed to black out when you drink.
>friend convinces me to buy a 6 pack of jack Daniels beer because a half gallon of 100 proof vodka wasn't enough for three people.
>fuckyea, bout to get wasted.
>gets super drunk, start making out with gf in front of my 400 pound friend.
>blackout, he somehow touched her cat
>wake up on couch sitting up covered in shit, piss and vomit.

apparently I sent my gf to get me Tylenol drunker than hell while I shit all over myself because I drank too much and was stuck to the seat.

>mfw we didn't use the living room for a month because of shit smell.

>be like 19 yr old me
>at doc for something i cant remember
>dad siting next to me
>doc asks "anon, do you smoke?"
>me "smoke what?"
>"tobacco"
>"oww... no, no I dont"

>>686117579
Lame.

>>686117252

>like the flash i pull up her panties and give her a painful camel toe.
>awkwardly stand up and walk past the mum and leave her there
>start talking to mates gf laughing about what I just did
>her Asian friend and black friend come over to talk, both quite drunk
>just talking shit for a Bit
>black walks off
>Asian chick suddenly kisses me
>make out for 20 seconds
>suddenly stops and walks off.
>look at friends gf confused.
>tells me that she was talking about it before and said she and the black wanted to hook up with the same person tonight
>friends gf starts laughing remember I just ate out a chick
>say that ima hook up with the black one now just for a laugh bc pussy
>she's on trampoline
>talk for a bit, then start hooking up with her
>she's fkn clingy, won't.let go, there for about 10 minutes with ppl all around while I quietly finger her and make out
>she lets out the biggest moan
>i say that I've got to go get a drink for the both of us
>walk over to the shed to grab a drink
>hosts 6yr old sister is there
>convince her that she can have my cool coin necklace
>walk around to the side of the house, after grabing a drink and my smokes
>jump the fence and Sprint off to my mates place

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This one happened to me last year

>be me
>Work in smokeshop industry
>go on business trip to Denver for a trade show right before the Cannabis Cup
>Get a whole bunch of gummie edibles from dispensaries
>second day we are there start eating them
>Get a good buzz going and wander around convention
>Go get lunch at a buddies RV
>Eat some non-infused cookies
>Eat more candies and smoke a little
>iamhigh.jpg
>Wander around convention some more just staring at pot plants in awe
>Go back to RV for some drinks
>Get offered a cookie and eat it
>Tunnelvision.jpg
>mfw that cookie is 250mg of THC and you thought it was a regular cookie
>Flying high by this point and in space
>Holding on to the chair to stay on earth
>Go back to hotel to take a nap
>Boss has to tell me to get off the elevator and direct me to my room
>Wake up two hours later still stoned out of my mind
>Go to a burger joint for food
>I order a double bacon cheeseburger
>I put ketchup on it
>I pick the burger up to eat it and pause for a minute
>"Oh.... Fuck...."
>forgottoputthebunbackon.jpg
>Ketchup all over my hands and the table now
>People are staring at me
>Hope they think I'm retarded

>>686118787
we asked you kindly not to proceed.

>>686119292
Don't see you posting anything

>>686119202
I like that story. When i go to Aspen im planning on buying a fuck tonne of edibles and just seeing what happens. Just try be the first person to overdose on marijuana lol

>>686119439
>Anonymous

>>686119439
orly? >>686119292

>>686117375
Yeah some people shouldn't do drugs and it sounds like you're one of them.

I remember reading a story in a thread a while ago about a dude in college who ate a bunch of edibles and he freaks out and struggles to hold on to reality while throwing up his guts. I wish i saved that thread

>>686112999
Typical Swift driver......dumb as a bag of rocks.

Sorry,
We've
Insurance
For
That

>>686112999
noice trips tho

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>>686113917

I'm fuckin dyin

>>686112752

I once spent 5 minutes watching the 2000 X-Men movie thinking "this is a longer intro than I remember" before realising I was watching the DVD menu intro on repeat and hadn't pressed "play" yet.

>>686113299
I really don't get why people anonymously lie on the internet

>>686120669

I used to do the same thing with games if I was too high. With older games you would get the intros and cg shit if you sat at the main menu long enough. I would sit there for too long, cinematic intro hits, not even realizing that I never pressed start. I don't even want to think about how much time I wasted.. those 10-15 minutes add up over the years.

Thanks for reminding me of how fucking high I used to get.

>i was so high that i lost my keys and was searching for them for 30 minutes
>forgot wtf i was looking for and went to the fridge to get some food
>there was my keys

>>686121459
done the same thing except the keys were literally in my hand the whole time

>>686121659
the amount of times i've done that with lighters

>>686112752

Did a lot of drugs in high school. Weed daily, acid, shrooms and pills fairly regularly.

One day Idid a handful of stems, no caps and washed it down with a bowl of chron before school and proceeded to eat a bunch of doughnuts before first period (bakery next to the school).

Had advanced geometry first period.

So I'm doing my work, just trying to keep my shit together. Everything was a fucking 11/10 joke, this girl I sat next to knew what was up and kept fucking with me. Eventually I just buried my head in my arms and blacked out, don't know for how long. What I do know is how I woke up. Somebody must have touched me or said something that registered in the lowest levels of my brain, because I shot up, straight backed in my chair.

"Weeeeeoooooowwwww"

Like some kind of fucking retarded cat demon.

The girl was choking back the laughter, the teach was just looking at me confused, half the class was dyin laughing. Nothing really came of it. Regained my composure and moved on with my trippy day.

Buddy of mine smoked same laced purple kush.

He was sitting on my couch going, "I am so high. Goddamnit. I'd hit you if I could find you."
>sitting right next to you bro, how do you feel?
"Like a hot brownie in a sea of ice cream."

>>686119931
So fucking stupid. You actually saved THAT!?!

>>686123305
I laughed... I laughed again when I posted it

problem?

>>686123378
Why would you laugh at that Never-done-drugs-before junior high school obviously made up shit? What the fuck is wrong with you?

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me couple years ago

>see man with cane
>think about sugarcane
>think about liquid sugar
>think about masterchef (the fucking cooking shows where they compete)
>think about pancakes
>think about how many people eat pancakes a day

This whole time I was silent and just thinking and then I said to my friend:"Dude, I bet Miss and Mr pancake are fucking rich."

Turns out pancakes were there since the roman times, I learned something that day.

>>686123378
You really are stupid enough to believe that someone forgot how to fucking jerk off and tried with a fucking... hammer?
Really?

>>686123698

Things don't have to make perfect sense to be funny when you've been smoking yourself

>>686124117
Did I say I believed it?

Smoke another bowl bro

>>686124278
Than why post it Sperggles?

>>686124207
Key word. Funny. That post is sorely lacking.

>>686124396
>>686124538

You guys done yet?