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>>686083967
Jesus FUCK

Your mom is the fucked up one here

>>686083967
Kids like you should be put inside a bag and thrown at the sidewalks of india to be stomped to death by elephants and shat on

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>>686083967
9/10

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>saved up enough Good Boy Points for a new game
>ask mummy to drive me to EB Games
>says she drank too much of her grape juice so she cant drive
>decide to go myself
>pack some chicken tendies for the journey in case I get hungies
>go to the garage, grab my bike and TMNT bicycle helmet (leonardo, of course)
>riding my bike, people angry and yelling at me as i make my way through sidewalk (wtf am i supposed to do, ride on the street?)
>see cousin dylan walking home from school with his friends
>wave hello but he pretends not to notice me (lol he's so shy)
>get to EB Games, grab a copy of Super Smash Brothers, and head to cashier
>tell him i would like to purchase this game using my accumulated good boy points
>he gives me a weird look and then asks for my EB Games Edge points rewards card
>huh? i don't have that. its what mummy must use to keep my GBP on
>ask him if i can pay with my chicken tendies
>"uh.. no, you cant pay with chicken, that's not legal tender"
>"WHAT? THIS IS TOTALLY CHICKEN TENDERS, WTF YOU THINK, THAT THESE ARE NUGGETS OR SOMETHING?"
>he tells me he's calling security, so i grab the the game and run, get on my bike, and flee
>get somewhere safe, check out game, THE CASE IS FUCKING EMPTY, IT WAS JUST FOR DISPLAY
>so angry, i take a big meaty shit inside the case and smush it shut
>throw it on sidewalk and watch as some excited kid and his mom pick it up
>lel not a complete loss i guess
>get home, police car there
>mom is hysterical
>"ANON THERE YOU ARE, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN??"
>tell her of my adventure as she hugs me
>get extra tendies for dinner that night

>>686083967
>balloons at 3 AM
Nah

>>686083967
>>hear my mom crying downstairs
kek

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>be me
>be 26
>be NEET
>wake up at 7pm
>mummy has made dinner
>it's vegetables
>i hate vegetables
>refuse to eat it
>"well, you're going to go without dinner tonight, anon"
>she thinks she's won
>go back to my room
>hold myself over for a few hours on mountain dew
>wait till mummy is asleep
>start screaming "I WANT FOOD I WANT FOOD" as loud as I can
>mummy wakes up and stumbles to my door
>"anon what are you doing?!? It's midnight!"
>walk up real close to my door and stop screaming
>"anon, are you ok?"
>mummy opens the door
>me standing right there
>scream "I WANT FOOD!" two inches from her face
>she falls backwards into the hall
>keep screaming "I WANT FOOD" as I head to the kitchen
>start taking food items from the fridge and throw them all over floor
>throw gallon of milk onto the ground and it explodes
>mummy is pleading with me to stop
>"ONLY IF YOU GET ME TENDIES AND TACOS!"
>"GET ME TACOS AND TENDIES NOW. I WANT THEM NOW!"
>mummy crying
>"Why do you do this, anon?!? WHY?!"
>mfw I see her getting her car keys
>mfw she comes home with hot, greasy tacos and a double serving of Jack in the Box tendies
>mfw she'll never get rid of her little boy!

>>686085095
>>686084623
>>686083967
these make me feel so sad, happy b-day to me!

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>2 AM
>really fucking want some Lunchables
>wake up my stupid bitch of a mother and tell her to go to Walmart and buy me some
>"Anon, it's 2 AM and I have work in the morning, I'll get you some after work tomorrow."
>start slamming my head against the wall while screaming LUNCHABLES so the neighbors wake up
>"Anon, go the fuck to bed or I'll call the police."
>tell her if she calls the police I'll kill myself
>finally the bitch gets in the car and leaves
>takes her 45 minutes to get them
>look in the bag and see she got the Lunchables with Reese's instead of Skittles just to spite me
>fetch my Little League slugger and corner her
>"You think this is fucking funny you fucking know I hate Reese's you stupid BITCH"
>she begins sobbing and farting uncontrollably out of fear
>open up her mother's urn and pour her ashes into one of my piss bottle and start chugging it infront of her
>she faints at the sight of this
>she oversleeps and is fired for being late
>stupid bitch know not to fuck with me now

fucking normies

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>34 years old
>in Mcdonalds for their My Little Pony toy promotion
>get mom to order me 10 Happy Meals all with girl toys
>she looks at the ground and sheepishly says "But anon, you're getting a little heavy. Maybe you should only have 6 Happy Meals."
>stand on her feet and refuse to move until she complies with my order
>she cannot move and almost falls as she tries to pull her feet out from under mine
>the bitch begins to cry as she realizes I have trapped her, checkmate whore
>she quietly agrees that big boys need ten Happy Meals and she goes to pay for the food
>while she is ordering I get on my hands and knees, she hands the packages of food to me
>I grab the bags with my mouth and begin walking on all fours to the play area
>I slowly crawl up the slide, barely fitting whilst letting out enormous amounts of gas
>once I'm inside the main play area my flatulence has become to over powering that it even brought a tear to my eye
>the children playing inside begin to run out, complaining of the putrid smell
>I yell "get out normie scum! I claim this as the beta uprising headquarters!"
>I sit in the center of the play gym and begin to have a picnic with my happy meals
>I give each pony a bit of cheeseburger
>I'm setting up an awesome play story with my ponies when my bitch mom and the mcdonalds manager come into the play area
>"Sir we have been getting complaints about an adult in the play area. You must be under 8 years old to use it."
>tell him to fuck off
>mcdonalds employees begin entering the play structure
>my mom is yelling that she can reason with me but I don't negotiate with normalfags
>push my back against the wall and start kicking them as they come towards me
>all of the weight of the normie invasion plus my 300lb-self breaks the play structure
>I fall through to the ball pit, the entire structure collapses
>as the normies try to save a girl trapped under the structure, we escape
>mom begins crying in the van
>make her stop at Dairy Queen for dessert

These threads are so fucked up...
BUMP

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>Wake up at 8 PM after my nappy-wappy
>Remembered I've been a really good boy today
>Go to check my Good Boy Point (GBP) whiteboard
>30 GBP
>Enough to go in the playroom AND get a tendie meal with ranch dipping sauce
>Wade through my piss bottles and shit jugs to get to my door
>Waddle over to mummy's room
>"Mummy! Mummy! I've been a good boy and I want to go to the pwaywoom!"
>Mummy checks my chart and leads me to the playroom
>As she unlocks the playroom, she tells me that she'll get my tendies ready
>I quickly remind her, "Don't fowget the wanch!!"
>rush into the playroom and fall over headfirst onto the racecar mat.
>begin playing with my blocks
>One hour later
>Door opens and she has my tendies, except...
>No ranch dip
>"BITCH! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT MY TENDIES. I NEED RANCH DIPPING SAUCE TO FULLY ENJOY MY TENDIES."
>"y-you never asks for ranch, sweetums..."
>"WHY DO YOU HATE YOUR NUMBER ONE BOY!?!?"
>"WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE SUCH AN UNGRATEFUL MOM!?"
>"d-don't worry Anon, I'll go right back down to get your ranch..."
>Throw one of my blocks at her and it hits her straight in the eye
>That's gonna leave a bruise.
>"SERVES YOU RIGHT, NORMIE BITCH! NOW GO BACK DOWN AND MAKE ME SOME MORE TENDIES!"
>Lean in close to her ear
>Shout "AND DON'T FORGET THE RANCH."
>She leaves crying
>Notice I made some wawa in my nappy.
>mom comes back and changes me while I enjoy my tendies & ranch
>mfw

I love these threads because i imagine this is exactly what anon is really like

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>sitting in room
>finish plate of tendies mummy just made for me
>hmm, I want some more!
>decide to play a prank on mummy (might cost some gbp, but fun is fun)
>rig one of my pee pee bottles to pour on whoever opens my door
>position my wittle bottom towards the door as well and pull down my diaper
>bang my steel drum to get her attention (at 30 gbp I simply had to!)
>MUMMY MUMMY, I WAS HUNGRY, NOW I'M FULL SO RUB MY TUMMY!
>Hear mummy coming
>A grin grows across my face as she draws near, my eyes crinkle and a "teehee!" slips out
>Mummy enters the room
>my pee pee pours in a steady stream on her head
>At the same time I begin blasting her with my nasty poo poo, coating her in a thick baby waby green layer!
>heehee! messy mummy messy mummy I say rhymically as she is covered in my nasty
>She doesn't say a word as my prank plays out
>finish my poo, turn and sit bare bottomed on the floor, leaving a wittle poopy stain
>mummy, did you wike my joke? ga ga goo goo!
>I begin giggling and drooling while slapping my wittle feetsies together as applause
>She does say anything
>Mummy, waugh at my wittle joke!
>I can see tears running through my pee pee and poo poo on her face
>Mummy, you don't want to upset your perfect wittle boy do you?
>She is still fighting
>My eyes sharpen and I drop my voice do a gravely, gutteral tone
>Listen you normie cunt, laugh at your sons prank or I'll kill you and kill myself, I'll drag you into the bath and slit your wrists while I fuck your fat whore ass
>Punch her in the face for good measure, give her black eye
>Mummy sees reason and lets out a chuckle
>heehee! I think that deserves 20 gbp for being such a funny and creative prank, don't you mummy!?
>She does a sort of weird nod and walks out of my playpen
GBP is too easy to get, even when being a naughty boy! She even took me out for more tendies that day, at no cost!

>>686083967

Pretty funny but to bad it's not true.

>kill yourself anyway

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>i wake up for another sing-songy sunshiney funday
>i stretch and yawn as I rip my daily wakey gas, the feeling of liquid splattering against my Magic School Bus jammies makes me proud
>i haul myself out of bed, kissing my Rei Ayanami body pillow good morning, only for my legs buckle out from under my generous frame
>oh well! I guess I'll have to be a Roly Poly from now on
>i roll over to my GBP chart and check it
>I've saved up a whole 5 GBP! That's a new record I'm SURE mummy will be proud of!
>i roll down the stairs to see what mumsy is up to this wonderful morning
>i slip and crack my nose against the stairpost
>mumma gets up shocked, "Anon are you okay?!"
>i'm bleeding from my nose and it has a weird shape, but I don't care, "mummy mummy, where's the yummy chickie tendies for my tummy?"
>"what?"
>i lift my shirt and begin slapping my tummy like a bongo "your precious little angel has saved five GBP, make some chickie tendies, and make them all for me!"
>"Anon, you know the price for a tendie meal is 20 Good Boy Points. And after the Legoland incident you should be grateful that you still have 5 left."
>i freeze. This BITCH, has the fucking GALL, to deprive me of my well deserved poultry cutlets.
>i sit up and begin slamming my feet on the floor angrily and punching my head
>"YOUR SPECIAL LITTLE BOY HAS BEEN GOOD FOR FAR TOO LONG, TENDIES NOW YOU BITCH OR I SHALL DO YOU WRONG"
>she closes her eyes, "Anon, please calm down..."
>i begin screaming and simultaneously poopooing and peepeeing my pants, but my engine has been burned out and I curl up in my own waste, peacefully sleeping
>i wake up clean and tethered to my bed, a plate of yummy tendies on my tummy with a note from mama jama saying she's sorry for being so harsh and that she's proud of me for being such a good boy
Being a bad boy has its perks, but nothing beats the satisfaction of being mummy's good little boy!

>>686089277
Summer is really coming huh.

Autism competition

moar this is fucking hillarious

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>Birthday last week
>Mama got me the counterstrike source cake I wanted
>Get a card from grammy
>"Enjoy your birthday, sorry I couldn't be there sweety, I hope you can use this"
>A lot of weird green bills in there
>Mamas eyes get big
>Ask her what these are
>"It's money, I use it to buy your chicken and videogames"
>"Can I trade it for good boy points?"
>"Yes you can, of course you can"
>then new daddy walks into the room
>smells like smoke and adult apple juice
>slaps mamas butt
>sees the money
>"I need this for the poker game tonight"
>Mama says no, I traded it with her
>He slaps her faces butt now
>Mama screams
>I'm sitting there eating my cake
>Ask her when dinner is ready
>She says I gotta help her
>This FUCKING NORMIE
>ASKS ME
>TO HELP HER
>ON MY OWN BIRTHDAY
>take off all my clothes and jump on the table
>Press my willy in the cake and run to mama screaming at the top of my lungs flailing my arms
>hit mama in the belly
>hear a loud oomf
>new daddy looks at me
>I look at him
>I get down on my knees and grab his crotch
>he goes back and asks me what I'm doing
>I just wanted to show him I can be mama too
>Run at him and bite him in his crotch
>even though he wore pants he dropped to the ground crying
>now everyone was crying
>my diaper has been full the whole time
>put some cake in diaper since mama isnt changing it and feed it to new daddy
>new daddy never came back after the poker game
>mama made me chicken tendies with a side of pizza that night
>she didn't even charge me any good boy points
>best 40th birthday ever

>>686089389
>"YOUR SPECIAL LITLE BOY HAS BEEN GOOD FOR FAR TOO LONG, TENDIES NOW YOU BITCH OR I SHALL DO YOU WRONG"
Found that way funnier than I should have

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>Wake up at 4PM from napsy time
>Glance over at my GBP scoreboard
>Fuck yes, 25 pointsies!
>Time to play some video gameys
>Waddle downstairs to living room in my jammy wammies
>Mom has her book club over, occupying valuable living room space
>"Anon, we're having our weekly book meeting here, can't you go play in the playroom for a little while?"
>No bitch, I saved up my Good Boy Points to play my Weegee game
>"O-okay, Anon, but please try to keep it down."
>Of course mommy, I'm your good boy!
>Load up New Super Luigi U
>Hear mom in the background: "A-as I was saying, I think Jane Eyre..."
>The game starts
>Start chanting Luigi catchphrases
>WEEGEE TIME! WAHOO! MARIOOOOO!
>Absorbed in the game
>World 1 boss, so toughy tough!
>Start farting from the concentration
>Smells like rotten meat
>WEEGEE NUMBER ONE
>Sniff fartsy farts and giggle
>Made it to world 2!
>Fart out a hot burning one
>Hear one of the bookwomen gag
>"I'm sorry Anon's Mom, I think I've left the lights on at home. I really have to go!"
>Hear her run out while gagging
>Look over at mom and her friendsies
>They're all looking at me disgusted
>Smirk
>"Come on, Anon, why don't you go to the playroom for a little bit. I think you've had enough tv timey."
>NO BITCH I WANNA PLAY WEEGEE! I HAVE PAID THE GBP NO REFUNDS!
>"Please, Anon, we can talk about this later."
>Bitch has got to know when to stop.
>Now it's WEEGEE TIME
>Rub Wii-U Gamepad over my peepee. Get a semi.
>Start violently shitting in my diapies. The smell is horrific
>Women start throwing up while scrambling for the door
>Mom starts crying, completely broken down
>It's just the two of us now
>Mom just sits there, staring blankly at me
>Laugh and roll around in dirty diapey. it gets everywhere
>Tummy tums starts growling
>Mommy, now make me tendies please?
>No response
>MOMMY, TENDIES NOW FOR TUMTUM HUNGRY
>No wonder dad left us, you useless whore
>Throw gamepad at her face, breaking her cheekbone
>She goes to make my tendies
>Dine like a king

>>686087189
>you must be 8 or younger to be in thr play place
>not noticing age
>see 34 years old

FUCKING KEK

>>686090212
It made me want to watch the leprechaun

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>be me
>be first day of high school
>mom is dropping me off today
>she gets my rolling backpack full of fruit-snacks out of the trunk
>"are you sure you'll be okay here anon?"
>"yes mommy i am fucking fine"
>have one thing on my mind
>barely make it to the classroom before collapse in desk
>health class
>skinny fucking normies are staring at me
>obviously never played WoW
>next few classes breeze by
>finally lunch time
>shove my way through the line
>something smells familiar
>tendies
>holy fuck i cant waddle fast enough as the line moves forward
>lunch lady says "hi sweetie what would you like?"
>"how many good boy points do tendies cost, slut?"
>"excuse me, what did you call me? and what are good boy points?"
>ignore cumdumpster
>i grab 5 trays of tendies and waddle to the condiment station
>grab 10 containers of ranch dip
>take 3 bottles of coke and guzzle one on the way to lay down
>lay on floor
>i eat one tray of tendies and i get the urge to pee pee and poo poo
>piss in coke bottle and shit in the tendie tray
>entire lunch room is staring at me
>jaws dropped
>i fucking hate normies
>principal sprints over and yells at me
>"WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"
>he leaves for help
>shove the remaining tendies in my pockets and guzzle down my cokes
>principal and football coaches return and slowly hoist me up
>it took 5 of them
>poo poo the most ever in my life all over the principals shoes
>maintenance brings a golf cart with a bed on it to drive me to the office
>parked outside because they don't want to even try to bring me inside
>obviously normie principal tells me how disgusting i am
>i'm expelled from school and he calls my mom
>mom shows up furious and takes me home
>in the car she tells me
>"anon, I am taking away 500 GBP"
>"but i only have 100 right now you dumb whore"
>"so now you have -400 GBP"
>fucking cunt
>we get home and she sends me to my room
>mfw more tendies in my pocket than i could have gotten in one week
>great success

>>686090297
Just once... JUST ONCE I want to see the mom win.

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>Wake up this morning feeling good
>Pull the special edition Battlestar Galactica blanket off my bed
>Tie it around my neck like cape
>Step over my piss bottles and old food containers
>It's an autistic ballet as I tip toe to the spots on my floor that aren't covered in garbage
>Finally make it out into hallway
>Rush to look at Good Boy chart on the wall
>MFW only 10 more points needed for a Double Tendie Dinner!
>Run downstairs so fast my cape floats behind me
>Do a running slide onto kitchen floor to tell Mummy the good news
>Mummy just looks at me sternly
>Says to bend over so she can check my diaper first
>"You know I have to check every morning, anon."
>"Nooooo! I don't wanna!" I yell defiantly
>Tears start to well in her eyes
>She starts walking away from me
>"Wait...Ok..." I say as I lean over the table for her inspection
>Pull down my pants
>The smell of partially digested tendy shit and cheese diarrhea wafts to her nose
>She instantly vomits into the sink
>"That's minus 50 GBP!" she screams with her chin covered in puke
>"I screech and rip off the diaper
>Throw it onto the dining room table as hard as I can
>Orange and brown chunks splatter everywhere
>Some gets on the ceiling
>Some gets on mummy
>She curls into a ball sobbing uncontrollably next to the sink
>Reaches up for a towel but accidentally cuts herself on a kitchen knife I left out
>She's bleeding and covered in vomit and poo while screaming how I'm a bad boy
>Quickly put on my shoes and stuff my pockets with frozen tendies
>Run to my car crying because now I'm late for class at community college

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The following is completely true. Unlike the rest of you idiots I actually live the dream!

>29 years old
>In my play room
>Need to make poo
>Lean over my inflatable ottoman
>Put my toy dump truck between my legs and make a shipment.
>Poo-poo is a little runnier than usual, but it doesn't matter.
>Now I'm hauling a fresh load across the country
>Mummy brings in my lunch (nachos. I like to change it up)
>"Anon, I told you not to play with your poo poo!"
>I'm getting real fucking tired of hearing this.
>Flip the plate of nachos into the wall
>Start punching my own head
>"Anon stop PLEASE STOP!" she screams
>You made me do this I say.
>She runs out of the room to get the tethers to tie my arms back and stop me hitting myself
>Stand behind the door and wait for her to come back.
>As soon as she runs back in I punch her directly in the face as hard as I can, making a weird, wet cracking sound.
>She falls over and hits her head on my dinosaur table.
>I go back to playing with my toy trucks and stuffed animals
>She wakes up a bit later
>I don't say anything, I just stare at her
>She quietly leaves the room.
>I can hear her crying from her room.
>Am I worried? No. Regretful? Certainly not.
>I'll wait it out and things will go back to normal.
>It's easy for me to be a good boy.
>If Mummy does what I say I'll be a good little boy.

If she doesn't like it she should have had an abortion. She chose this life.

>>686091670
bump

these are fucked up

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>be me
>visiting mom for the holidays
>attend cambridge uni
>sit in my room, browsing all the nostalgia and fire up ps2 to play crash bandicoot
>mom comes up to my room
>"hey anon, im running to jack in the box, wany anything"
>"yeah sure I'll have the chciken tender large combo with a coke"
>"okay be back in 5, love you"
>"love you too"
>couple minutes later
>sudden urge to piss and shit
>go to toilet and proceed to
>clean up, wash hands
>moms back with jack in the box
>eat dinner, watch tv
>play crash for the rest of the night

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>Need to poop
>Shit jugs are all full
>Brainwave: if I empty all my shit jugs AND poopoo in the toilet, I get double Good Boy Points and can eat tendies all weekend
>Grab armfulls of shit jugs and head to the bathroom.
>Spill some shit jugs on the way, don't care Mummy will clean up
> Sit on toilet, my big beautiful bottom spills over the side, begin pooping.
>My bowl movement sounds like a pipe being unclogged
>Release putrid farts
>Dump my shit jugs into the bowl until the poopoo is overflowing and covering the seat.
>"MUMMY MUMMY! COME LOOK WHAT YOUR SPECIAL GOOD BOY HAS DONE!"
>Mummy comes in, sees the shit trail leading to the toilet, the overflowing bowl and smells my flatulence.
>She starts crying, obviously proud of her Best Boy.

>>686091786
This was so satisfying to read after the others...

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>be 35 year-old virgin NEET
>wake up at 6pm
>glance at my GBP board
>*gasp*
>momsey raized my Tendies by 5GBP EACH!
>Fucking makin me a bitch boy
>Go online lookin for advice
>I heard Reddit is helpfull
>Crawl through forest of NeckBeards
>Fined haven of the Gods!
>/r/Redpill
>Turns out momsey is just a whore needing an Alpha
>Must sell Beta Bux for RedPills
>Check Momsey's drawers, normie bitch has packets of Control pillz !!!
>Controll pillz will suffice
>Tear open packs swallow every last fucking Control pill
>I AM ALPHA
>I AM THE BRINGER OF DEATH
>I AM REDPILL
>Momsey walks in screaming at me, give her knowing smile, punch that bitch in her baby maker
>I AM ALPHA! I beat my chest like a Gorilla
>Pull out my peepee n slap momsey as she cries salty tears
>Belly is all Rumbly Tumbly, Control pills must be workin
>Start slapping Momsey showing my true dominance, I don't need no GBP I scream in her fucking normie face!!!!
>Black the Fuck out


>Wake up in hospital, stomach freshly pumped now Im hungry as fuck!
>Momsey crying in corner
>MFW nurses give me plate upon plate of chicken tendies...
ALPHA AS FUCK!

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>Wednesday afternoon
>tugging it to Nick Jr all day long
>Finish squeezing big boy gooey gunk from my winker
>Mumsies comes home from work
>Poo poo in my diapie due to excitement
>Earned 70 good boy points earlier today by promising not to empty my piss bottles on mumsie's bed while she was at work
>Expect delicious tendies immediately
>Squat walk downstairs with full diaper of excitement
>No good smell
>Mumsie looks upset
>Anon you're 33, I talked with a friend about getting you a job
>Fucking normie mom
>Remove my shit filled diaper and wield it like a sling
>IM A GOD BOY I HAVE GOOD BOY POINTS GIVE ME CHICKEN TENDIES
>Anon please..
>IM DAVIE YOURE GOLIATH
>Swing my shit sling at her
>Diaper falls apart and flings wet sloppy big boy chocolate all over the room
>Ring of fecies whips her in the eye and she falls do the ground recoiling and grabbing her face
>Slap her open handed and squat over her face
>YOUR LACK OF TENDIES SEALS YOUR DOOM, I LOOSE MY BOWELS WITH A BOOM!
>Queue a huge wet fart bubble followed by a mexican mudslide in the rainy season
>Literally pours over her face like a generous helping of tendie chilli
>She wipes it off her face and tries to gasp for air
>Quickly plug her shit covered mouth with my still-erect big boy weenie peenie
>GIVE ME EXTRA GOOD BOY POINTS OR ELSE ILL CHOKE YOU MUMSIE
>She spasms and mumbles what might be a yes
>waddle back to my room and play some XBox
>Serves me tendies later while sobbing and promises to give me lots of good boy points
>mfw I put that bitch in her place
>mfw I always get my way.

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> be me
> 28 years old NEET
> raised as an only child
> I caused mummy and daddys divorce
> nothing matters except the scrumptious taste of tendies
> GOLDEN BROWN TENDY TOWN TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN
> mfw its 03:00am
> eww mummy is sleeping with nasty landlord
> mummy I'm hungries
> yell into intercom for snackitysnacks
> CLAIM THE MEAL OF THE CHICKEN GODS!! ITS TENDY TIME!!
> her tired voice reponds with "NOT NOW SWEETY MOMMY IS WORKING!!"
> insolent woman I know there are tendies in the freezer bring me my tendies
> challenging me at this hour?
> keep chanting for the tendies that are rightfully mine
> evil jew landlord tells mummy to shut me up
> naughty man. Making mummy's ladylettuce smell like sardines
> The war has begun.ctn
> enter sunrise. All Preparations are complete.
> nullifying any chance of escape I reeeee into mummies "office" on my valiant reinforced electric scooter.
> douse jew in two jugs of poopyjuice before he can activate his spells
> evil jew is unable to battle!
> ram him into the corner and then leap off of my valiant steed and mount mummy's face
> NO NO NO NO NO NO MUMMY! YOUR PUNISHMENT MUST BE MORE SEVERE!!
> "URGH! YOU'RE CRUSHING ME SWEET-- OH GOD HELP ME PLEASE NO!!"
> Groan as I release a big boy turd so nasty her fingernails begin to peel backwards
> gaze into her eyes as the impact sends mummy into panic attack
> expel the last of my poopies on the sheet. How many times must I break you?
> tidy up my toys and waddle into kitchen to await my spoils
> slithery jew slithers out of my castle and says we don't need to worry about rent ever again
> mummy finally arrives visibly shaken and broken inside
> opens the freezer to make my tendies and blows them until they are cool
> "mummy you have to chew them for me"
> mummy breaks down in tears and screams for death
> yawn, give myself 5 extra gbp and fall asleep without eating them.

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>Wake up at 9pm after a particularly exhausting Minecraft session
>tummy is making hungry noises
>navigate my way out of my room through the piles of weewee jugs and trash
>make my way downstairs, peek into the living room
>mummy and new daddy are doing a special backwards hug on the sofa like uncle phil showed me once
>new daddy is making funny sounds like a steam train
>don't care, hungry
>"MUMMY MAKE ME BREKKIE BREK"
>mummy screams, new daddy swears and nearly falls off the sofa like a silly
>says to mummy "why is that retard still living here, isn't he like 30"
>I don't like being called a retard
>not since the incident with the toddler in mcdonalds
>feel my inner wolf break loose
>let out a mighty howl and try to rip off my creeper hoodie
>not strong enough in my hunger-weakened state
>new daddy is laughing, I'll fucking show him
>pull down my crusty cargo shorts and grab my tingly tummy tendie
>"GOLDEN WHIRLWIND, GO GO GO"
>start spinning like a beyblade and weeing as hard as I can
>mummy is screaming and crying, new daddy swears even louder and tries to grab me
>dodge him with my veteran CS reflexes but fall because I'm dizzy from malnourishment
>new daddy gets me in a headlock and starts punching me in the tummy
>he doesn't know I've been saving a satisfying tendie-and-dew-fuelled doodie for later
>bum explodes like a fat man in fallout 3 (I don't play 4 because it doesn't have my waifu Moira)
>new daddy is covered in doodie, he looks like a swamp monster
>he lets go and starts vomiting
>mummy is on the phone, I think she's calling 911, new daddy is trying to make her put the phone down and shouting something about "the meth you dumb bitch"
>crawl to the kitchen, everything is spinning and I feel faint
>"MUMMY MAKE TENDIES" I manage to shout before blacking out
>wake up locked inside the basement bad-boy cage next to a plate of hot tendies
>new daddy is gone

great success

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>be 27 y.o.
>wakey time at noon, early start today so I can get my bonus 5 good boy points
>Mommy comes into bedroom with the cutest widdle bruises all over her face from my tantrum last night
>Looks worried
>Looks like she hasn't slept in days
>But it's all alright, she does it for the bestest son in the world
>Mommy has breakfast on a platter, it's chicken tendies and habanero sauce
>I only eat McDonald's habanero sauce
>I take a widdle bite of my tendies dipped in the sauce
>it's not McDonald's
>eyes dilate
>jaw dislocates
>open mouth
>scream "BITCH WHERE THE FUCK IS MY SAUCE?"
>Mommy looks scaredy waredy
>Her lip shakes a bit
>Starts to cry
>"It's discontinued anon, McDonald's doesn't have it anymore"
>"YOU BETTER GET IT RIGHT NOW OR I'M GONNA GET UPSET!"
>Mommy just stands there crying
>I start shitting and pissing myself
>"MOMMY! POOPOO! PEEPEE! PLOPPIES! SWIRLIES!"
>Mommy just stands there crying
>"WELL BITCH GET A MOVE ON!"
>Mommy stops crying, looks at me with a scawy look
>Walks out of the room
>Walks back into the room with a big scawy tube that makes a loud noise that hurt my ears
>Woke up in white room with doctors all around and my chicken tendies across the room
>tfw too fat to get out of hospital bed to get tendies
>cry
>post my story on /b/

>>686091786
Such a well rounded individual.

Also, nice rip of the very first Google Image result for Pepe.

You're certainly a creative bunch. Can't help but feel that creativity is wasted on greentexts.

This thread has hurt me emotionally.

>>686092297
>>686093583
Kek, thanks dudes. Sorry for the couple misspelled words but this thread needed a bit of sanity

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>Mom gets off work early without calling first
>Finds me in the pantry emptying my poop jug into the cat's litter box
>Starts yelling at me, saying that I'm fucking disgusting
>Tell her that it's all her fault for breaking up with my dad when I was six
>She tells me that I need to be an adult
>Cry and scream and even throw my shit jug at her
>She says that from now on I have to go to bed before midnight
>Tell her to fuck off and go to my room
>Don't go to bed because it's fucking bullshit and I'm not a god damn wage slave
>She opens the door flat out at like one AM and is really pissed
>Tries to push me away from the computer, but I'm too heavy
>I start yelling at the top of my lungs
>She rips my computer tower out of the wall and takes it up to her room
>Knows I'm too fat to climb the stairs and thinks shes won
>Lay down at the bottom of the stairs and scream until my throat hurts
>Still no computer
>She goes to work the next day
>Wake up at like 3 PM and no computer
>Bitch has fucking overstepped her boundaries now
>Go into the bathroom and take a huge shit in the toilet tank
>Get an idea
>Pucker up my ass and waddle into the kitchen
>Take another huge shit in the microwave and set the timer for three hours
>Mom comes home an hour later and the whole house fucking reeks
>She's screaming about a fire in the kitchen
>Can hear her crying for hours and even hear firemen stamping around
>Later that evening she comes in sobbing
>Sets up my computer tower for me
Flawless victory

>>686088356
Really...

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>this thread

>>686094253
>>686093346
I wrote this one because I always hope that the mother is going to snap and kill the kid in these.

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>3 o clock in the morning
>get hungry for chicken nuggets
>go into mummies room
>she is playing wrestling with new daddy
>I don't like new daddy
>they are playing under the sheets
>they don't see me enter the room
>I remove my clothes
>I squat beside the bed
>as I squeeze, I let out several grunts and moans
>mummy and new daddy are also grunting and moaning
>squeezing hard, I feel my sphincter throb and pulse
>double double toil and trouble something wicked this way comes
>the brown goodness pours forth from my anus and veers in a sweeping motion slightly to the left and touches the ground
>my sphincter closes off, like a valve, sealing my back passage shut
>I behold my work
>a solid mass of brown goodness
>I am proud
>mummy and new daddy have stopped wrestling
>new daddy says "um...d-do you smell something?"
>mummy pleads "oh god....oh god please not again"
>mummy is well learned in the ways of brown goodness
>but new daddy still must learn
>he is about to
>throwing back the sheets
>mummy and new daddy look upon my work and despair
>new daddy retches at the sight of me standing, now with brown goodness in hand
>new daddy screams "is th-that fucking real?!?! I-is that fucking shit??!?!?!
>mummy buries her face in her hands in shame
>she knows what is coming
>I lean on top of new daddy
>he tries to struggle free
>I'm 350 lbs of pure blubber
>he's going nowhere
>his arms are pinned beneath my might
>I take my brown goodness and paint new daddy's face
>I make him a brown man
>a brown chocolate man with my brown chocolate goodness
>he shakes violently and vomits several times
>I struggle to keep him still
>mummy is sobbing by the bedside
>her days of trying to reason with me are gone
>she has given up all hope
>she is broken
>after I am finished my work, new daddy is covered in my brown goodness and chunks of his own vomit, tears streaming down his face
>after daddy is done gagging, I lean in close
>I whisper "can you take me to mcdonalds to get some chicken nuggets?"

>>686093346
Sanity poster here, kek. Loved it