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>>685534915
First kiss at 19
First fuck at 29 - a hooker.
fucked 14 women, all hookers.
Crown prince of the friend zone, now I am too old even for the friend zone.
Thinking of voting for Trump - best odds for world ending nuclear holocaust

>>685535343
I legit never understood friendzone how do you like, even get to that spot.

Sometimes I fart in public.

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>>685535607
It's easy Anon. Have no male role models, behave like adult women tell you to, never know the rush of testosterone, let everyone put you in your place as a child - VOILA! Milquetoast.

>>685535773
>Have no male role models

you are joking right? having a male role model does nothing for you if your inner personality is total shit.

an entire generation who grew up with goku, james bond, and tyler durden as their male role models ended up being shit anyways unable to aspire to strength, charisma, or ambition.

having a role model means nothing if the person themselves is shit on the inside; how can a lapdog ever aspire to be a wolf

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>>685536214
Nope. Behaviour is learned. we model off of what we see at a younger age than gokufags, bondfags, and chuckfags. Not everyone has your Ultimate Alphaness

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When I was 2, I got my dick stuck in swim shorts.

>>685535767
You're a monster.

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>>685536502
...
...
...
How?

>>685536619
it was that small

>>685536502
That's happened to me before. Not when I was 2 but I remember it. It had some kind of mesh type underwear attached to it and my foreskin got stuck in it and it hurt like hell getting it out

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>>685535767

>>685536619
The worst part is that it was in public too, at some beach.

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one time "I accidentally thrown my cat from my window and it died" (was 5 so autistic levels off da chart)


>blamed my dad
family hates him till this day........

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>>685536661
Damn, son. Have a beer!

>>685536773
And you haven't gone clean yet, why?

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>>685536773
At least it wasn't a dog

>>685536214
Fucking skeleton

>>685536661
It fit through the mesh.

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>>685537059

>>685536912
because family called le police on him :( so i don't want those issues so i keep it on the low

>>685536935
if it was a dog probably would've killed myself

>>685536214
You're just a pile of reanimated bones, the fuck do you know.

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>>685537320
Become a dog breeder. Create an army of dogs to finish what you began all those years ago. Then your father can rest in peace.

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Sometimes I log into my family's Netflix and fast foward like two episodes in my parents TV shows just to watch them argue about it

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>>685537579
you evil motherfucker

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>>685537553
Will take that into thought, Thank you good sir

>>685537579
HAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHH

>>685537579
YOU MONSTER......

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I tried making a vibrator by duct taping my phone to a tooth brush and called myself for it to vibrate while in my ass.
pic related

I got punched by a girl and I use it as an insult when someone threatens me and does nothing

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>>685537769
Anytime

>>685537579
Topkek

>>685536214
First of all, citation needed

Second, what about those who's personalities aren't shit but have no male role model? What about them? Or is it just "surprise, your personality is actually shit"?

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I have one

>Be me
>Have Hispanic gf
>qt3.14
>Has seriously low self-esteem
>father beat her when she was a child
>daddy issues
>pushes away everyone she meets
>except me
>She loves me
>the question of sex comes up
>we're both virgins
>we decide to take each others virginity
>While we're about to have sex, she say:
>"Call me Corazon and choke me a little."
>That's what her father called her
>That's what her father did to her
>tfw you have a gf with daddy issues

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>>685537843

>>685538130
was a good fap tho

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>>685537843

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>>685538061
DO IT!

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I was raped by a female.

>Be me
>16 yr old socially retarded depressed kid with repressed violent urges
>Enter bathroom at school and attack female student
>Attack with knife
>mfw she fights back and gets away
>can't even get what I want by force
>should just kill myself
>can't bring myself to
>go to jail for a while finish highschool inside
>lost half of the small amount of friends I had before
>going to uni now, have no social skills so difficult to make friends or talk to people
>somehow got a girlfriend for 3 months but that ended
>inb4 "Kill yourself faggot"

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>>685538231
Do you still use the phone?

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>>685537843
kekekekekekekekekkekekek x10000000

>>685537843
Your phone bill was probably through the roof.

>>685538370
did she tie you down and use your dick like a dildo or did she use a strapon

I'm going to evolve into a skeleton one day.

>>685538370
HOW? lel

>>685538370
Sorry, man.

Story?

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>>685537843
You're a fucking genius, good sir.

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>>685538450
no social life to having a girlfriend for three months ... That's called progress. Don't stop believin!

>>685538450
Summerfag

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dbR2JZmlWo

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>>685538061
Had a similar story
>girl had DDD tits and short hair no ass and thin lips
>not really my type, I like small tits and big ass and long black hair with full lips
>whatever it's a free bang
>find out about daddy issues
>tells me to choke her and hit her during sex
>alright
>tells me she likes to be choked cuz she has daddy issues
>wut
>tells me she wants sex 5+ times a day
>be me
>fuck no I can't do that
>stop talking to her

>>685555555

>>685538370
I feel this. Had a girl 6/10 who wanted to fuck me so I did and then she wanted sex so much that I hated it and technically I guess I was raped because I had sex and didn't really want it

>>685534915
every day when my neighbor goes to work me and his wife get drunk and fuck.
Then when she has to pick up their son from school we quickly clean his apartment so it looks like she's been home cleaning all day.

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>>685538692
>stop talking to her

...Y?

Go on

>>685538477
was an old school sony ericsson, I miss that fucker.
>>685538501
never answered, wasn't billed
>>685538647
nah, just a cheap ass jew

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>>685538717
you fucking donut

>>685537274
>le
drink bleach

>>685538966
Cuz she wasn't like 10/10 for me what I was looking for in a girl and I usually don't really have problems finding girls that wanna fuck and she wanted sex like 6+ times a night and I wasn't for that. Also she lived like an hour away so it costed me a lot in gas money

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>>685539035
No, i mean did you use the phone as a phone between vibrating anus massage sessions?

>>685537274
lekys

>>685538947
Mfw you don't have a job

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>>685539166

Next time skip the tacos and get your self a good ol' kebab!

>>685538653
Thanks, I'm better now if I'm being honest and I know I have/had no one to blame but myself for where my life is right now. I was a fucked up kid.
>>685538663
I fucking love filthy frank I'm gunna go listen to his album now.

>>685539300
What does that mean? Lol

I browse /b/

>>685538529
She didn't have to tie me down. I'm 120lbs and she was about 150lbs. She pretty much did use my dick as a dildo. It was unpleasant as hell.

>>685538598
>>685538643
She was a friend that used to come to my apartment to play video games. She had flirted with me for 8 months even though I told her countless times that I wasn't interested.

One day when I declined her advances again she got on top of me, pulled my pants down and commenced the rape.
She left my apartment after that and I didn't ever see her again.

>>685539173
Definitely, it was low enough down the toothbrush to not touch my ass, hygiene is very important to me.

>>685538692
>tells me she likes to be choked cuz she has daddy issues

did she straight up say "oh yeah i have daddy issues" because those arent daddy issues those are fucking mental issues.

i cant believe that there are people so edgy they think its cool to admit to having "[parental] issues"

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>>685539365
skip the mexican and get yourself an Arab!

>>685539409
man up and kick her ass out when she was about to rape you...

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>>685539430
... what about the toothbrush?

>>685534915
I'm an asshole pt 1.

>Recently move to town over an hour away from all my friends, depressed etc.
>Get in argument with one of my friend's friends on facebook.
>Call her a stupid bitch
>Month goes by, all but forgotten at this point
>Same girl hits me up
>Uh ok
>She's super into my car
>My car is a rusty faded piece of shit, but Ford V8 so built in pussy magnet.
>She has a pretty cool car too, and also a boyfriend
>fuck.png
>Whatever, she comes to chill, we get fast food, I let her take my car for a spin, she lets me drive hers
>Fun times
>Gets late, she says she should go home
>Tells me her and friends are going to a movie on the weekend, I should come
>Aw yeah, gonna meet her hot female friends and maybe bang one.
>What actually happened:
>Movie ends, she decides her night isn't over, asks if we can go to my place for drinks, alas i have no booze.
>So she sneaks into her boyfriends place (also her place), while he's asleep, takes his booze, and we drive the hour or so back to my place.
>Watching hangover
>Kiss turns to making out
>That turns to fucking for hours
>A couple weeks later I was moving away, so I messaged her boyfriend on facebook
>let him know we fucked a couple times and he was dating a whore.
>Kinda felt bad, he seemed emotionally crippled.

I friendzoned a girl before she could friendzone me. Now we are actually good friends

>>685539658
you may call it an assbrush, never used orally again.

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>>685539724
/facepalm

>>685538966
>that weird moment when that image you made six months ago and have never seen reposted since suddenly turns up somewhere
hey, what do you know, I have a legacy

>>685539409
Fuck, man. I'm sorry that happened.

>>685539698
You're an asshole but you did a good thing by telling him unless he kills himself

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>>685539839
I hope you stuck the bristles in ...

>>685539409
Bitch be lusty.

At least now we have something to counter feminists 'only men rape' policy

>>685540063
kill him self for a girl?

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>>685539944
Well done anon

>>685540150
>bristles
Sorry to disappoint

4chan ruined my life

>>685540451
Who's life DIDN'T 4chan ruin?

>>685540451
you ruined your life

>>685537579
DEVILISH

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>>685540393
why wouldn't you stick the bristles in? else why not still use the assbrush / i mean tooth brush

>>685536502
Same thing happened to me when I was 5. Foreskin got stuck in the mesh and I had a tough time pulling it out.

>>685540063
As far as I know he's still alive.

>He kicked her out
>She had to move back in with her mom
>Her car blew it's head a couple of months later and fried itself on the highway
>Hah.

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>>685537579

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>>685540784
... wouldn't the mesh get stuck in the foreskin?

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>>685540810
well that's justice I think ...

>>685540627
Doesn't sound pleasant as much, and cuz i need a new one anyways so why take the risk of brushing my teeth with shit particles

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>>685538061

well i have one with mother issues
>been beaten since child
>mother is skizo
>psycological trauma/manipulation etc
>pushed away her father from her, making cops arrest him in front of her at 10 for faking out she was beaten
>mother once drove off a cliff with a car and my gf inside but she saved them two getting a hand on the steering wheel at 14
>been with a rapist guy not months ago

The good thing, this is her. She even likes to wear police uniforms so that I can fuck her

>>685534915
>all this datamining

>>685539927
The trick the whole time is to outgirl the girl.

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>>685535773
>never had a dad
>raised by women
>several gfs good relations
Anon has lied to all of you

>>685534915
Every time I fall in love with someone I want to stalk them and sometimes do. Rarely physically, mostly just stuff like saving every picture I can find of them online and checking all their social media every day to see if they've posted anything.

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>>685541102
I assume she also wears the mask while pegging you ...

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>>685541102

Another one

>>685541320

>>685540589
nope

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>>685541248
oh child, you made bad assumptions. Not no father, absentee father. girls who were friends, yeah that happened. such disallusions you must have

>>685541418
so tell why

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>>685537274

i'm cacada 3301

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>>685541395
Damn, my bad. please tell me she keeps screaming I hate you with every thrust ...

>>685540810
Alls well that ends well, ya did good anon

>>685539409
My question is how the fuck did your dick get hard enough for her to stick it in? All I can imagine is her trying to stick a floppy noodle in and kinda bouncing around awkwardly, unless she force fed you Viagra.

>>685541539
They are boring though... why would you just be friends?

>>685541395
Smokeshow

>>685539698
I'm an asshole pt. 2.

>Dating this girl, let's call her T.
>T is a chubby girl, but at this point in my life, I wasn't aware I could do better.
>I mean I had before but right now it was comfortable and easy. Whatever, fuck you.
>Anyways, perfect skinny 10/10 body (6/10 face) ex of mine, who I still fantasize about, (call her N), is friends with T.
>N is a HUGE SLUT, like the sluttiest slut that ever slutted. She loves dick as much as /b/ loves controversy.
>So she's staying over at my place in our guest room in the basement.
>Messages me on FB (FB is apparently the secret to getting laid for me)
>She's horny, wants me to talk dirty to her over messenger so she can masturbate.
>Okay I can do that
>T sleeps like the dead
>Message her some dirty thoughts about how good i remember her pussy tasting
>She says she wishes I could be with her right now
>Then it clicks in my head, holy fuck shes in my basement, I could go down there right now
>Slide out of bed an SolidSnake that shit like a fucking pro.
>Sit next to the bed
>Lawd have mercy
>Must not cheat
>Must not cheat
>her tank top is crooked
>I can see a nipple
>Fuck
>Fuck
>Wellp now her rainbow knee-highs are around my legs and I'm plowing that tight little pussy doggystyle
>How did this happen
>FUCK
>FUCK
>FEELS SO GOOD
>I MEAN- SHIT
>Cum all over her milky white skin, tuck away penis
>fly upstairs, hit the bed, and I'm out.

Part 2a is up next. There's more to this one.

>>685541619
No

>>685541692

No but after orgasm she loses all force and drops off, she just lays in the bed and can't move :)

She's the best

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>>685541856
BECAUSE THEY WOULDN'T LET ME PUT MY DICK IN THEM, DUH

>>685539431
Yes she did, it made me very uncomfortable lol

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>>685542036
As a credit to you, pics real or fake, I have added them to my fap folder. I salute you anon.

>>685538653
>that pic

So feminism legitimately has a higher kill count than gamergate?

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>>685541928

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>>685542290
Damn straight. #fuckthatbitch

>>685542428
I'm not

>>685542266

Enjoy ;)

I grew up in East Germany.
When I was 14 I reported my teacher to the Stasi for "counterrevolutionary activity" as a cover for reporting him for beating his daughter (when that was reported nothing happened).
As far as I know he was never seen again.

>>685541844
I get erections really easily.

I just tasted the vaginal discharge on my sister's panties. It was really, really acidic. Like, lemon juice. Is this normal? Should I tell her to see a doctor?

Parents sold me to a pedo ring when I was little, didn't get out until I was ten. I didn't really have friends until college and I'm still socially retarded.

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>>685542932
... of course.

The Son that my aunt is waiting is waiting is mine and just us knows that...

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>>685536214
>having a male role model does nothing for you if your inner personality is total shit

Trump has a wife, Denis Leary just barely divorced (yeah that fuck actually got a wife); Ted bundy had no inner personality but managed to fake it enough to kill a sizable amount of women who thought he was the shit; and tom leykis is still getting laid.

Personality is subjective and it is certainly not the combined values of strength charisma or ambition no those are things you can give a woman but those are not your personality traits and 95% of women wont care, the 5% are eternal mate material but good luck finding them.

>>685541867
>Later in relationship with T
>See N regularly and we fuck like animals
>I kinda feel bad but I'm positive T cheated on me several times too.
>Eventually, I get tired of T accusing me of cheating (little did she know lol)
>Break up with her
>See N regularly now, so we start dating again
>It's great
>One day T stops by to pick up her stuff
>End up fucking T on my stairs because karma will even it all out in the end right?
>Successfully cheated on T with N
>Traded up, then cheated on N with T.
>Never got caught.
>I'm the fucking boss.
>Used to have N's nudes but not since hard drive failure. I crie evertim when I think about not having proof of her silky little tits.

I may not work for the FBI.

>>685534915
Tortured pet rats my girlfriend and I owned. Killed two of them helped another two die. Still not sure why I did it since I generally love animals.

>>685543418
Part 3?

id rather marry a trap

>>685543489
I may not want to get hired how would i go about not joining? What degree would i not need?

I did shit with an older girl when I was 8 and she was like 9/10. Later learned that her real dad touched her when she was little and her step dad touched her when she was 12 or so. Never really knew how to feel about it.

>>685542830
Did you fight back? You know... Knee her Vag, punch a boob?

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>>685543714
Who wouldnt wanna marry a trap?

I acted straight in front of my friends flawlessly.
little did they know I crave the day when virtual reality will let me get fucked by a pokemon.

Here are 2 secrets I never told anyone.
I pissed in a girls mouth when I was in kindergarten.
I have also fucked my step sister.

>>685543940
nice to know that anon

>>685543594
There isn't really a part 3, I dont think.

Eventually N and I broke up and she currently lives an hour or so away, banging my friend's brother.

I have no gf now, but my roomie is an ex who likes the D, so I don't have any motivation to go find a real gf. Why bother when I have the roomie?

>>685543901
My last two girlfriends said they were raped at parties. I always pick cunts...

>>685544190
I really want to know the story behind the 'pissing in a girls mouth' and how it's justified/

>>685543939
>unsuccessful people
>the entire Aryan brotherhood
>Nazis
>The entire KKK
>OJ Simpson

>>685534915

>I'm such an edgy sociopath so that means I'm cool.

This is fake probably and you probably came up with this because you asked some girl out and she rejected you and this is how you cope with rejection. You aren't some kind of panty soaking sociopath, you are just an average anon with an inferiority complex and a touch of autism.

>>685544444

I want to be dominated by my lesbian friend who is in a long distance relationship with another girl (duh).
I just need an approach, we are close enough to talk about our sexual fantasies regularly.

>>685543913
Also, did you cum in da pussy, or did she wrap you, or climb off before you finished?

>>685544319
>be 5
>all kids outside playing in the rain
>me and 2 other kids, 1 boy 1 girl, go inside cuz fuck rain
>go to playroom, setup kinda like one of those things you can climb around in with walls covering parts
>noone knows we are there
>pull out dick for no reason
>girl gets curious and starts inspecting
>pee

>>685538947

>getting drunk
>fucking
>done fucking
>were drunk and exhausted from sex so lets instantly start marathon cleaning and try to clean up the filthy trailer in the last minutes we have

Bullshit.

>>685534915
More proof that people who hate anime are faggots.

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>Ex had this fucking dog that I hated
>Part Chihuahua Part Pug
>all fucking hate
>the thing hated me too
>always bit my hand and shit
>one time it shits on my bed
>after some moderate biting on my hands I caught the bastard
>went into a blood rage
>start beating the fuck out of it
>toss it against a wall
>it falls limp
>oh shit I fucking killed it
>nope but one of it's eyes popped out of it's skull
>made up some story
>ex never found out
>mfw I beat something so hard that it lost a fucking eye
and that kiddos is how I learned to control my rage

>>685544916
Wonder if that scarred her and shes still a virgin.

>>685545291

Can't wait until you do that with your child one day and spend 50 yrs in nigger university taking it up the ass. They just love child abusers in lockup

>>685545578
yeah I'm not having kids for that exact reason

>>685545298
nah man, don't think it scarred her at all.
I don't really remember all that much about it but I do remember we talked about it after it happened and we might even talked about it before too but like I said, can't really remember. She barely reacted. We were all just fascinated really. If it happened a few years later it would probably have had a bigger impact.

>>685534915
So I have come to the realization that I started a masturbation "club" in elementary school without even knowing it... When I was in about fourth grade, I loved climbing things, I especially liked climbing things like mario did in mario 64. So I would shimmy up trees, and shimmy up poles. One day I went and shimmied up a pole on the school playground and felt what I described as a tickling feeling on my dick. At the time all I knew was that the tickling feeling felt really good, so I kept shimming up the pole. Pretty soon my friends noticed and I vividly remember one of them saying "Why are you on that pole?" and I said "Because it feels really good.". So then he started doing it, and soon enough we had about 8 kids on various poles humping the shit out of them. This went on for like two more years, until one day a teacher noticed, and we were all talked to about how we shouldn't hump poles, and how that feeling related to masturbation, ect. 10/10 would fuck a pole again.

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>>685534915
I never seed my torrents.

>>685535343
Damn you made me sad

im not voting upcoming election day

>>685545942

You'll slip one day somehow somewhere and that slip up will cost you dearly.

I was like you, had anger problems, took it out on weaker people/animals because of my inferiority complex. But one day I slipped up and got my ass beaten bad enough to land in the hospital with a broken jaw. On top of it all, all my car windows were busted out. It will happen to you as well, maybe karma won't be as big a bitch to you as she was to me, but I learned my lesson that night.

You, you're still just an edgy little autismo with a temper problem.

>inb4 I'm so fuk kin tough ain't nobody gonna beat me

>>685546522
that's okay anon, I'm on 1000mbit/s upload, I'll seed for you

From the ages of 9-13 I had frequent incestual sex with my male cousin that included penetration. (I am also male.)

>>685534915
I pretended to be friends with a girl for 4 years for nudes and once I got them i just started an argument that I knew would end the "friendship". But shes a feminist so its okay.

>>685543006
You talking to a doctor about that shit?