>>684452186
Inb4 h2o2

>>684452186
Fuck off nerd

>>684452318
Trump voter detected.

>>684452289
Lost

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>>684452361

Anybody want to hear a joke about sodium?

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One of my favourites

>>684452452
Fuck off.

>>684452452
no

>>684452452
Nope. Too inflammable

>>684452452
Na, mate

>>684452452
Na

What dissolves better in water? A bear from Alaska or a bear from Yosemite?

> pseudo intellectuals have to let everyone know they are pseudo intellectuals.


Lol. Weak af op.

>>684452593
Probably the most clever thing you have said in yer life

>>684452452
How about potassium

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I don't want to live

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>>684452593
fill my ass with potassium daddy

>>684452844
K

>>684452844
K

>>684452186
Those are bacterophage viruses, not retroviruses you fucking simpleton

>>684452776
OP here, or i just like hearing jokes on this topic, it's not like anyone will know who i am. I just enjoy these

>>684452776
Wow. A failed attempt at making fun of nerds. Your life must be awesome.

heisenberg gets pulled over by the cops. the cop asks "do you have any idea how fast you were going? heisenberg says "no, but i know exactly where i am"

>>684452861

That fucking red bag.

>>684452918
ikr, i just couldn't find a picthat matches the actual virus. It's not my pic.

don't trust atoms. they make up everything.

>>684452918
Bacteriophage virus is redundant you cunt.

>>684453227
Schrodinger was on that truck as well. Cop is going to check the trunk and yells: "Do you know there is a dead cat in here?"
Schrodinger:"We were unsure. Now we know"

So Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing a game of hide and seek. Einstein starts counting "1...2...3..." and Pascal immediately runs away to hide. But instead of hiding, Newton kneels down and draws a square of one meter side length, then steps inside of it. Einstein finishes counting and turns around. He instantly yells "Newton I have found you!" But Newton replies: "Nuh-uh, you found Pascal!"

>>684453724
I'm going to hide behind anonymity and ask why that's funny.

>>684453154
Wow, trying to affiliate with "nerds" in a bullshit attempt to elevate your own status despite neither having an education nor profession in any "nerd" field.

Lol. Literally worthless.

>>684453924
A Pascal is the SI unit of pressure, equal to one newton per square metre.

>>684452776
Better than being an anti-intellectual like you fam tbh senpai

>>684453924
Pascal - a measure for pressure, which is force per area

>>684453924
Pascal is an SI-unit for measuring pressure.
1 Pascal = 1 Newton/ 1 square meter

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>>684452186
So shitpost thread

>>684453924
In physics Newton (a measurement for force)*square meter is Pascal (a measurement for pressure)
N/m^2=P

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>>684453724
>>684454200
>>684454224
No, Pascal will be my future GF. I already had sex with Maxwell.

>>684454326
Feel free to not participate, nice pic though

This thread is like the big bang theory.
It's jokes touching science, but on a stupid level for stupid people, so they can feel smart

>>684452748
What temperature is the bear from Alaska?

>>684454121
Did I say I was a nerd?

Faggot.

>>684454844
Normal

>>684454762

Bazonga! XD

>>684454762
Zimbabwe!1

>>684454949
Gotta go with Alaskabear then. Something to do with temperatures modifying dissolution times

>>684454762
Bazooper

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I still like this one

>>684455390
Welp it's polar so yeah

>>684455390
Alaska because it's polar

>>684453227

and when the copknocked on window heisenberg rolled down and said "I am the one who knocks" xD

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>>684452894
>>684452906
Aaaayyyyy

>>684455446
my all time favourite

>>684455553
>banana
>off by 2
You now have to kill yourself
Also
Where are you>>684455555

>>684455446
See
>>684452290

>>684455446

HEH

OP here, please don't be mean imma cry and kill myself because someone i don't know and will never meet called me pseudonerd over the internet.

Seriously i'm neither pretending to be a nerd nor a genius, i am dumber than an average bananafag, i just like the jokes. No one forces you to stay and post on this thread and it will certainly not affect anything, so you could kindly fuck off

>>684456105
salt in the wound

Mathematician walks into a bar and orders one beer, secend mathematician orders half a beer , third one one quarter ... Finally angry barman puts 2 beers on the table and says " You mathematics dont know your limits "

>>684455446
kek

>>684456244

A physicist, an engineer and a mathematician were all in a hotel sleeping when a fire broke out in their respective rooms.
The physicist woke up, saw the fire, ran over to his desk, pulled out his CRC, and began working out all sorts of fluid dynamics equations. After a couple minutes, he threw down his pencil, got a graduated cylinder out of his suitcase, and measured out a precise amount of water. He threw it on the fire, extinguishing it, with not a drop wasted, and went back to sleep.
The engineer woke up, saw the fire, ran into the bathroom, turned on the faucets full-blast, flooding out the entire apartment, which put out the fire, and went back to sleep.
The mathematician woke up, saw the fire, ran over to his desk, began working through theorems, lemmas, hypotheses , you-name-it, and after a few minutes, put down his pencil triumphantly and exclaimed, "I have proven that I can put the fire out!" He then went back to sleep.

I like this thread. Fuck trumptards

A Farmer has some problem with his chickens.
They suddenly don't lay eggs anymore
Luckily, he has two very smart friends.
One is a physicist and one is a chemist
He asks them to take a look at the chickens, and so they do. They come back the next day, to present their conclusions.
The chemist goes first. He says:
"I have run some tests, and i can confirm that there is indeed a problem with your chickens"
Next is the physicist, who says:
"I have a solution, but it requires isolated, spherical chickens in a frictionless vacuum"

This kind of stuff is only funny to 9th and 10th graders who took their first introduction to chemistry class.

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>>684456790

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>>684452186
>Science Joke Edition
nigga, please

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Erwin Schrödinger, Werner Heisenberg, and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar.

Schrödinger: This may be a joke, or it may not be a joke, but it would be ludicrous to assert that it simultaneously both is and is not a joke.

Heisenberg: Well, the more convinced I become that this is some kind of a joke, the less certain I am that it's funny.

Chomsky: Of course it's funny! You guys aren't telling it right!

To those who post insults etc on this thread: Thanks for keeping the thread alive faggots

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>>684452593

>>684457539
omg, i almost let that one bait me
science cringe

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>>684457760

Almost goteem

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>>684457539
>>684457851

>>684454326
that's stupid af. Heisenberg was a meth cook not a physicist / biologist or anything!

>>684457539
this bait

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Viva Le Trole'

>>684457968
that's aids quality bait.

>>684458677
This is actually one of the most convincing troll physics.
It's the one i remember best

>>684458401

Why not would this work?

>>684458687
find 1 flaw in the process

>>684459044
on a bigger scale this would work

>>684459229
Dividing by zero

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>>684452186

>>684459308
0/x=0
x/0= ∞
x/x=1

if x=0 then?

>>684453950
This is really well done.

>>684459641
> x/0= ∞
there's your problem.

>>684459641
I am not gonna bite, i'm sorry
go fish somewhere else

>>684459308
>>684459843
it's called Indeterminate form

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>>684459641

>>684455483
CLOSE ENOUGH
and now I know the actual punchline

>>684459925
Yes it is...

>two atoms walking down the street
>one pats his pockets
>dammit! Ive lost an electron
>oh no! are you sure?
>yes, Im positive

>>684460246
oh god.

>>684457184
Like anyone knows what denigrate means

>>684460246
>we don't serve tachyons here
>A tachyon walks into a bar

Johnny was a chemist's son. However, Johnny is no more, for what he thought was H2O was actually H2SO4

>>684456785
>implying it wasn't the Engineer who used the exact amount of water needed
>implying a Physicist gives two shits about depleting resources and an Engineer doesn't

Mathematician spot on tho

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>>684460246
kek

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>>684454762
Do you have a non-'stupid' level science joke?

Hey, I wish I was DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes!!

Two professors walk into a bar... The first orders an H20... The second prof says "I'll have an H2O, too... Blah, Blah. Then the second professor drops dead b/c the bartender gave him hydrogen peroxide because he heard H202.

They're all 'stupid'.

What does the 'B' in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for? Benoit B Mandelbrot.

>>684459641
You use de l'Hopital and find the limit

>>684457968
Ancient, divides by zero
NEXT

>>684460938
>de

>>684458401
>>684458485
>>684458677
>>684458853
>>684459044
>>684459230
>>684459429

Those are really creative :0

>>684459245
What is a diving bell + large terrarium?

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Forgot to post this one. Last one i have.

>>684459925
it also has no solution and you're a retarded troll

>>684461090
Guillaume de l'Hôpital, in my country it's the "de l'Hopital's rule"

>>684461732
no shit sherlock
Where can we contact you so you can claim your nobel?

>>684461553
Mind telling us already?

>>684461904
I can be located through https://www.macfound.org/

>>684462008
fuckin lol'd

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are shown a pasture containing a herd of sheep, and told to enclose them with smallest possible amount of fence. The engineer is first. He herds the sheep into a circle and then puts the fence around them, declaring, "A circle will use the least fence for a given area, so this is the best solution." The physicist is next. She creates a fence of infinite radius around the sheep, and then draws the fence tight around the herd, declaring, "This will give the shortest fence around the herd." The mathematician is last. After giving the problem a little thought, he puts a small fence around himself and then declares, "I define myself to be on the outside!"

>>684462127
I like this one
Relatively, speaking.

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>>684457334
thats by far my favorite joke in futurama

>>684460783
What is the shortest mathematicians joke?
Let epsilon be smaller than zero.

What's a gay geneticist's favorite clothes?
Designer genes.

>>684452748
Bear from alaska. It's Polar!!

Unless there's an oil spill... : ( Then it's only semi-soluble, I guess.

>>684457184
Trump probably thinks that what you call sending all blacks back to Africa.

As an aside, the fact that trump appointed Kevin Cramer, a prominent climate change skeptic and whore to the fracking-lobby, as a key energy advisor is disturbing.

>>684462915
I hope you enjoy gagging on all those dicks

>>684460783
A mathematician will call an infinite series convergent if its terms go to zero. A physicist will call it convergent if the first term is finite.

>>684463101
Okay. That's pretty good.

Q: How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One. He gives it to seven Lithuanians, and reduces it to the previous joke.

>>684464403
I'm missing the joke here, apparently.

Granted, the majority of my science background is more on the biochemistry/organic end of the spectrum.

>>684459204
It depends on capillary action working at the small scale. Once enlarged that force is no longer enough to maintain the pressure / keep water falling out.

>>684461693
This would work (for VERY large amounts of unmarked gold)

>>684465452
You should have just said

>muh science

>>684465105
It's funny cuz it makes fun of the math ability of physicists. Also, the terms must go to zero, but that alone isn't sufficient for an infinite series to converge. Ex. Harmonic series: sum n=1 to inf 1/n
1+1/2+1/3+1/4...

>>684466367
Only if they measure the weight of the gold,
and not the mass.
Also the gravity is not THAT much stronger.
Shipping it + plane tickets would cost more

I laughed when I heared this line by Diablo in Heroes of the Storm:

"The Prime Evils can never be devided!

...only by one.
...and evil."

>>684466930
It's hard to measure it's mass when it's not in form of a bar. If you had a SHITLOAD of gold to begin with you could make some money that way

>>684466696
Ahhhh... Okay, I see it now. Good luck telling a physicist their math isn't up to snuff. I corrected a simple mistake on a problem set in a biomed-physics class. And, holy shit, that's like a shot across the bow. Which makes the joke work even more...

>>684452546
lost anon