>>684420097
You got issues, dude.

>>684420097
Good for you for showing that bitch who's boss.

poor woman

>>684420097
I feel bad for your mother

You'll end up in hell fag!

>>684420097
This is just fucking pathetic. Thank god your not my kid I would've cut your tongue out, and there ain't shit you would've done. Your clearly far too dependent or your family to even consider leaving, so if I beat you senseless on a daily basis, you could either sit there and take it, or call the cops. I'd go to jail but then you'd sit in that fucking house and rot to death because we both know you don't have the first fucking clue of how do shit for yourslef. But hey I've seen a bunchance of people live out their lives as parasites, one of them even made it to thirty two before killing himself, in the end they all kill themselves.

>>684420097
Cartman irl

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>>684420097

>>684420097
Stories like this one are the reason why "living with your parents" should be illegal if you have the capability to live on your own. Welfare used to be a good thing, but nowadays its just to exploitable to be a real thing.
I bet you would starve if your mother dies today.

>>684420097
I assume you had the requisite GBP and mommy was stiffing you. If so, you did the right thing.

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I don't know what's worse. This crappy pasta or the autistic faggots taking it seriously

>>684421157
>>684422617
>>684422942
>>684423441
>>684423649
>>684424102
>>684424415
All these fucking newfags

>>684424486
The only faggot who get's it

>>684424557
The latter

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>Wake up at 8 PM after my nappy-wappy
>Remembered I've been a really good boy today
>Go to check my Good Boy Point (GBP) whiteboard
>30 GBP
>Enough to go in the playroom AND get a tendie meal with ranch dipping sauce
>Wade through my piss bottles and shit jugs to get to my door
>Waddle over to mummy's room
>"Mummy! Mummy! I've been a good boy and I want to go to the pwaywoom!"
>Mummy checks my chart and leads me to the playroom
>As she unlocks the playroom, she tells me that she'll get my tendies ready
>I quickly remind her, "Don't fowget the wanch!!"
>rush into the playroom and fall over headfirst onto the racecar mat.
>begin playing with my blocks
>One hour later
>Door opens and she has my tendies, except...
>No ranch dip
>"BITCH! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT MY TENDIES. I NEED RANCH DIPPING SAUCE TO FULLY ENJOY MY TENDIES."
>"y-you never asks for ranch, sweetums..."
>"WHY DO YOU HATE YOUR NUMBER ONE BOY!?!?"
>"WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE SUCH AN UNGRATEFUL MOM!?"
>"d-don't worry Anon, I'll go right back down to get your ranch..."
>Throw one of my blocks at her and it hits her straight in the eye
>That's gonna leave a bruise.
>"SERVES YOU RIGHT, NORMIE BITCH! NOW GO BACK DOWN AND MAKE ME SOME MORE TENDIES!"
>Lean in close to her ear
>Shout "AND DON'T FORGET THE RANCH."
>She leaves crying
>Notice I made some wawa in my nappy.
>mom comes back and changes me while I enjoy my tendies & ranch
>mfw

These affect me too much because I love chicken tenders with ranch and ketchup mixed. At least I do not live with my parents.

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>Wake up at 4PM from napsy time
>Glance over at my GBP scoreboard
>Fuck yes, 25 pointsies!
>Time to play some video gameys
>Waddle downstairs to living room in my jammy wammies
>Mom has her book club over, occupying valuable living room space
>"Anon, we're having our weekly book meeting here, can't you go play in the playroom for a little while?"
>No bitch, I saved up my Good Boy Points to play my Weegee game
>"O-okay, Anon, but please try to keep it down."
>Of course mommy, I'm your good boy!
>Load up New Super Luigi U
>Hear mom in the background: "A-as I was saying, I think Jane Eyre..."
>The game starts
>Start chanting Luigi catchphrases
>WEEGEE TIME! WAHOO! MARIOOOOO!
>Absorbed in the game
>World 1 boss, so toughy tough!
>Start farting from the concentration
>Smells like rotten meat
>WEEGEE NUMBER ONE
>Sniff fartsy farts and giggle
>Made it to world 2!
>Fart out a hot burning one
>Hear one of the bookwomen gag
>"I'm sorry Anon's Mom, I think I've left the lights on at home. I really have to go!"
>Hear her run out while gagging
>Look over at mom and her friendsies
>They're all looking at me disgusted
>Smirk
>"Come on, Anon, why don't you go to the playroom for a little bit. I think you've had enough tv timey."
>NO BITCH I WANNA PLAY WEEGEE! I HAVE PAID THE GBP NO REFUNDS!
>"Please, Anon, we can talk about this later."
>Bitch has got to know when to stop.
>Now it's WEEGEE TIME
>Rub Wii-U Gamepad over my peepee. Get a semi.
>Start violently shitting in my diapies. The smell is horrific
>Women start throwing up while scrambling for the door
>Mom starts crying, completely broken down
>It's just the two of us now
>Mom just sits there, staring blankly at me
>Laugh and roll around in dirty diapey. it gets everywhere
>Tummy tums starts growling
>Mommy, now make me tendies please?
>No response
>MOMMY, TENDIES NOW FOR TUMTUM HUNGRY
>No wonder dad left us, you useless whore
>Throw gamepad at her face, breaking her cheekbone
>She goes to make my tendies
>Dine like a king

>>684420097
>>684425099

Never change, /r9k/

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>34 years old
>in Mcdonalds for their My Little Pony toy promotion
>get mom to order me 10 Happy Meals all with girl toys
>she looks at the ground and sheepishly says "But anon, you're getting a little heavy. Maybe you should only have 6 Happy Meals."
>stand on her feet and refuse to move until she complies with my order
>she cannot move and almost falls as she tries to pull her feet out from under mine
>the bitch begins to cry as she realizes I have trapped her, checkmate whore
>she quietly agrees that big boys need ten Happy Meals and she goes to pay for the food
>while she is ordering I get on my hands and knees, she hands the packages of food to me
>I grab the bags with my mouth and begin walking on all fours to the play area
>I slowly crawl up the slide, barely fitting whilst letting out enormous amounts of gas
>once I'm inside the main play area my flatulence has become to over powering that it even brought a tear to my eye
>the children playing inside begin to run out, complaining of the putrid smell
>I yell "get out normie scum! I claim this as the beta uprising headquarters!"
>I sit in the center of the play gym and begin to have a picnic with my happy meals
>I give each pony a bit of cheeseburger
>I'm setting up an awesome play story with my ponies when my bitch mom and the mcdonalds manager come into the play area
>"Sir we have been getting complaints about an adult in the play area. You must be under 8 years old to use it."
>tell him to fuck off
>mcdonalds employees begin entering the play structure
>my mom is yelling that she can reason with me but I don't negotiate with normalfags
>push my back against the wall and start kicking them as they come towards me
>all of the weight of the normie invasion plus my 300lb-self breaks the play structure
>I fall through to the ball pit, the entire structure collapses
>as the normies try to save a girl trapped under the structure, we escape
>mom begins crying in the van
>make her stop at Dairy Queen for dessert

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>wake up at noon
>30 year old NEET
>had accident in sleep which I rolled around in
>grab cum-towel off nightstand and do my best wipe mess from my folds of fat
>tummy gurgles loudly, so hungry
>plop out of bed, navigate through shit jugs and piss bottles in my room
>waddle downstairs to check GBP board
>wait a minute to catch my breath before I look
>just enough Good Boy Points for some tendies and sauce!
>legs buckle under own weight
>roll myself into the living room where mummy is watching her favorite soap opera
>"mummy mummy I have enough Good Boy Points for some tendies!"
>she turns to me with the most disgusting look on her face while I lay flat on the ground stuggling to get up
>"s-sure honey, le-let me just get some tendies for you"
>she struggles to go to the kitchen without vomitting from the smell and sight of my obese, putrid, feces and semen covered body
>she pulls the tendies out of the freezer after letting the oven heat up as she begins to cry into the sink
>I roll over and pull myself up to my high chair that starts to creak as I sit down
>have my crayons and Power Rangers coloring book to occupy me while I wait
>the tendies are finally done and she puts them on my plate
>she can't hold back the vomit as I open my mouth to eat some tendies and vomits all over my plate
>I can't let these tendies go to waste, so I eat them along with the vomit
>"yummy wummy tendies in my tummy, thanks mummy"
>do my best to muster a smile but the rows of decaying teeth only disgust mummy further
>high-chair finally breaks from my heft
>causes me to have another accident
>mum runs away to her room, sobbing uncontrollably, so ashamed of her baby boy
>mfw

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>23
>Wake up at 7:30 pm to the smell of warm tendies
>toddle out the hall to the living room
>see a big bowl of tendies on the table, and also mum's veggies
>Mum sits at the tendies
>"I think maybe tonight it's your turn to eat the veggies"
>I look at her and spit on the plate
>"GOOD BOYS GET TENDIES, AM I NOT A GOOD BOY MUM?"
>Throw her plate on the ground, the food is all smeared into the carpet
>I fart on the food out of disgust for my whore of a mother
>fart so hard I shit my nappy a little
>"NOW EAT IT WHORE" I scream at her
>"Anon, I'm sick of you speaking to me like that, look, you've just ruined a good meal, you didn't need to do that"
>At this point I'm furious, I grab my mum by her hair and walk her to her meal on the floor
>"It's a shame you're getting so bald, I won't be able to do this much longer" (I lied to her, she has a full healthy head of hair but I wanted to make her suffer for what she did)
>Shove her face in the food and make her eat it
>"Who's a good boy?" I ask
>"You are anon" she says, tears streaming down her face
>I put on my big boy crown and dig into my chicken tendies
>She even grabbed the ranch sauce
>I then proceed to my playpen and stay up till 3 in the morning until I'm sleepy weepy and go night nights
>I can still hear her sobbing as I'm getting into bed

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>Wake up at 9pm after a particularly exhausting Minecraft session
>tummy is making hungry noises
>navigate my way out of my room through the piles of weewee jugs and trash
>make my way downstairs, peek into the living room
>mummy and new daddy are doing a special backwards hug on the sofa like uncle phil showed me once
>new daddy is making funny sounds like a steam train
>don't care, hungry
>"MUMMY MAKE ME BREKKIE BREK"
>mummy screams, new daddy swears and nearly falls off the sofa like a silly
>says to mummy "why is that retard still living here, isn't he like 30"
>I don't like being called a retard
>not since the incident with the toddler in mcdonalds
>feel my inner wolf break loose
>let out a mighty howl and try to rip off my creeper hoodie
>not strong enough in my hunger-weakened state
>new daddy is laughing, I'll fucking show him
>pull down my crusty cargo shorts and grab my tingly tummy tendie
>"GOLDEN WHIRLWIND, GO GO GO"
>start spinning like a beyblade and weeing as hard as I can
>mummy is screaming and crying, new daddy swears even louder and tries to grab me
>dodge him with my veteran CS reflexes but fall because I'm dizzy from malnourishment
>new daddy gets me in a headlock and starts punching me in the tummy
>he doesn't know I've been saving a satisfying tendie-and-dew-fuelled doodie for later
>bum explodes like a fat man in fallout 3 (I don't play 4 because it doesn't have my waifu Moira)
>new daddy is covered in doodie, he looks like a swamp monster
>he lets go and starts vomiting
>mummy is on the phone, I think she's calling 911, new daddy is trying to make her put the phone down and shouting something about "the meth you dumb bitch"
>crawl to the kitchen, everything is spinning and I feel faint
>"MUMMY MAKE TENDIES" I manage to shout before blacking out
>wake up locked inside the basement bad-boy cage next to a plate of hot tendies
>new daddy is gone

great success

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Give me, give me, chicken tendies
Be they crispy, or from Wendy's
Spend my hard-earned good boy points
On Kid's Meal ball pit burger joints

Mommy lifts me to the car
To find me tendies near and far
Enjoy my tasty tendie treats
In comfy big boy booster seats

McDonald's, Hardee's, Popeye's, Cane's
But of my tendies none remains
She tries to make me take a nappy
But sleeping doesn't make me happy

Tendies are the only food
That puts me in the napping mood
I'll scream, I'll shout, I'll make a fuss
I'll scratch, I'll bite, I'll even cuss!

Tendies are my heart's desire
Fueled by raging, hungry fire
Mommy sobs, and wails, and cries
But tears aren't tendies, nugs or fries

My good boy points were fairly earned
To buy the tendies that I've yearned
But there's no tendies on my plate
Did mommy think that I'd just ate?!

Tendies, tendies, get them now!
You fat, ungrateful, sluggish sow!
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I screech while hurling into her eyes
My foul-smell bowel-dwelling diaper surprise
For she who is unpooped on is she who remembers:
Never forget my chicken tenders

>>684426539
It's sad knowing that even though this story is fake, some poor woman probably has to deal with this. Death to NEETs, only wage cucks truly live life

>>684428878
This is very cringey, the fact that some poor woman out there would be friends with some uppity-tuppity-bitch book club whores who can't handle a little masculinity in their lives.

>>684424486
>>684424738
These niggas, it's a shame so many newfags don't know GBP

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>wake-up at 2PM
>Subconsciously shit in my MLP jammies while sleeping
>scream at the top of my lungs "MUUUUUUUUUUMMMYYYYYYYYYY"
>mummy silently lurks into the doorway to my room
>"y-y-yes, dear?"
>scream "GIVE ME CHANGIES AND FETCH ME CHICKEN TENDIES"
>mummy silent weeps to herself and walks over to my adult-sized crib with a fresh new pair of magic school-bus jammies
>start kicking and flailing my arms and legs because my tummy rumbles for tendies
>start to screech while mummy tries her best to not have another mental breakdown session
>start chanting "CHICKEN TENDIES YUMMY YUMMY FOR MY TUMMY"
>"Anon d-dear, you've already used all of the 20 piece bag from last night in one dinner, I-I...I..have to go get m-
>spring up and smash my body into hers, she screams and starts sobbing
>she pushes me out of the way as she runs downstairs
>yell "OUCHIES, YOU HURT YOUR GOOD LITTLE BOY" and start crying frantically
>chase after her, mummy locks herself in the pantry
>start beating on the pantry while screaming and crying "WHY DON'T YOU LOVE YOUR GOOD LITTLE BOY"
>Mummy is weeping loudly enough for the neighbors to hear
>cry even louder and accidentally shit new jammies
>use up all of the engine I had for the day crying
>crawl over to my scooby-doo playroom and roll up into a ball and fall asleep
>wake up at 9 PM, tucked in bed with clean jammies
>note from mummy: "I'm sorry anon, I never meant to hurt you, always be my good little boy! I love you!"
>fresh plate of tendies on trash-littered computer desk
>shovel them into face
>fall back asleep satisfied

its quite amazing how r9k are able to vividly encapsulate the mindset and personality of a spoilt toddler

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>Birthday last week
>Mama got me the counterstrike source cake I wanted
>Get a card from grammy
>"Enjoy your birthday, sorry I couldn't be there sweety, I hope you can use this"
>A lot of weird green bills in there
>Mamas eyes get big
>Ask her what these are
>"It's money, I use it to buy your chicken and videogames"
>"Can I trade it for good boy points?"
>"Yes you can, of course you can"
>then new daddy walks into the room
>smells like smoke and adult apple juice
>slaps mamas butt
>sees the money
>"I need this for the poker game tonight"
>Mama says no, I traded it with her
>He slaps her faces butt now
>Mama screams
>I'm sitting there eating my cake
>Ask her when dinner is ready
>She says I gotta help her
>This FUCKING NORMIE
>ASKS ME
>TO HELP HER
>ON MY OWN BIRTHDAY
>take off all my clothes and jump on the table
>Press my willy in the cake and run to mama screaming at the top of my lungs flailing my arms
>hit mama in the belly
>hear a loud oomf
>new daddy looks at me
>I look at him
>I get down on my knees and grab his crotch
>he goes back and asks me what I'm doing
>I just wanted to show him I can be mama too
>Run at him and bite him in his crotch
>even though he wore pants he dropped to the ground crying
>now everyone was crying
>my diaper has been full the whole time
>put some cake in diaper since mama isnt changing it and feed it to new daddy
>new daddy never came back after the poker game
>mama made me chicken tendies with a side of pizza that night
>she didn't even charge me any good boy points
>best 40th birthday ever

>>684430156
>she didn't even charge me any good boy points
Well yeah, it's your birthday, you get it for free.

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>Wednesday afternoon
>tugging it to Nick Jr all day long
>Finish squeezing big boy gooey gunk from my winker
>Mumsies comes home from work
>Poo poo in my diapie due to excitement
>Earned 70 good boy points earlier today by promising not to empty my piss bottles on mumsie's bed while she was at work
>Expect delicious tendies immediately
>Squat walk downstairs with full diaper of excitement
>No good smell
>Mumsie looks upset
>Anon you're 33, I talked with a friend about getting you a job
>Fucking normie mom
>Remove my shit filled diaper and wield it like a sling
>IM A GOD BOY I HAVE GOOD BOY POINTS GIVE ME CHICKEN TENDIES
>Anon please..
>IM DAVIE YOURE GOLIATH
>Swing my shit sling at her
>Diaper falls apart and flings wet sloppy big boy chocolate all over the room
>Ring of fecies whips her in the eye and she falls do the ground recoiling and grabbing her face
>Slap her open handed and squat over her face
>YOUR LACK OF TENDIES SEALS YOUR DOOM, I LOOSE MY BOWELS WITH A BOOM!
>Queue a huge wet fart bubble followed by a mexican mudslide in the rainy season
>Literally pours over her face like a generous helping of tendie chilli
>She wipes it off her face and tries to gasp for air
>Quickly plug her shit covered mouth with my still-erect big boy weenie peenie
>GIVE ME EXTRA GOOD BOY POINTS OR ELSE ILL CHOKE YOU MUMSIE
>She spasms and mumbles what might be a yes
>waddle back to my room and play some XBox
>Serves me tendies later while sobbing and promises to give me lots of good boy points
>mfw I put that bitch in her place
>mfw I always get my way.

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>27 year old NEET
>wake up at 3PM and roll out of my racecar bed
>piss jugs are all full, have to use the toilet like some subhuman normie
>waddle downstairs to find mummy for my wakey-wakey tendies and bakey
>lights off, nobody there
>there is a note on the refrigerator
>"Pumpkin, your new daddy Leroy and I have gone to the movies for the afternoon I made some of your favorite chicky tendies just heat them up in the microwave if you get hungy for num-nums. Love you, Mom"
>fucking cunt has let my tendies get cold and mushy
>and she expects me to heat them up myself like a slave
>she will fucking learn today
>change out of my cloth diaper into a disposable one and hit the road
>spend the entire walk to the cinema filling my diapey with poo poo
>arrive at the theater parking lot and coat myself in a thin layer of pee pee and poo
>brace myself and enter the lobby
>let loose my battle cry
>RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>"MY PRECIOUS TENDIES HAVE GONE TO WASTE, NOW MY POOPY YOU SHALL TASTE"
>pull handfuls of poop out of my diaper and fling them at random
>staff tries to stop me but I am too quick and too slippery
>entire venue is being evacuated
>navigate my way to Barbershop 3 screen
>mummy and new daddy are in the front row
>covered in poo and pee, two steaming loads in each hand
>mummy's face is a mixture of shock and indescribable terror
>walk slowly towards her while chanting "..tendies...tendies...tendies..."
>our eyes are locked
>as if from far away I hear new daddy say "ayo wut tha fuck this nigga-"
>cease my low chanting with a final "TENDIEEEEES" and smash the handfuls of rancid diarrhea onto either side of her head
>bring my piss-soaked face right up to hers
>her ears are filled with my poo, eardrums are ruptured, and eyes are nearly blinded by a mixture of tears and more poo
>say very slowly and clearly
>"Don't you ever fuck with my chicken tenders again."

And the best part is the dumb whore was too scared to even take away any of my good boy points

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Tendies, tendies on my plate
Never early, never late
At twelve o'clock its lunchie time
And mommy serves them on a dime

Mommy cooks them in the oven
To show me extra special lovin
Add honey mustard sauce to this
To send me into tendie bliss

Good Boy Points are thus required
To get the tendies I desire
And if I wish to go to Wendy's
I must turn in points to get my tendies

I turn in points that I've compiled
From huggies, kissies, and not running wild
"What a good boy you've been today
Let's go to Wendy's so that I may repay"

"But you've been eating way too much chicken
You're getting a salad, no screamin or kickin"
This makes me mad, this makes me bitter
This makes me unleash the contents of my shitter

I stuff it in her mouth and punch her in the head
Until I am sure my dear mommy is dead
I steal her purse so that I can have money
To buy tendies and mustard with honey

I purchase the tendies from the nice lady
(Although these tendies are nuggies, which I find quite lazy)
And as I devour my fried chicken treats
I realize that life has never been so sweets

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>be me
>be first day of high school
>mom is dropping me off today
>she gets my rolling backpack full of fruit-snacks out of the trunk
>"are you sure you'll be okay here anon?"
>"yes mommy i am fucking fine"
>have one thing on my mind
>barely make it to the classroom before collapse in desk
>health class
>skinny fucking normies are staring at me
>obviously never played WoW
>next few classes breeze by
>finally lunch time
>shove my way through the line
>something smells familiar
>tendies
>holy fuck i cant waddle fast enough as the line moves forward
>lunch lady says "hi sweetie what would you like?"
>"how many good boy points do tendies cost, slut?"
>"excuse me, what did you call me? and what are good boy points?"
>ignore cumdumpster
>i grab 5 trays of tendies and waddle to the condiment station
>grab 10 containers of ranch dip
>take 3 bottles of coke and guzzle one on the way to lay down
>lay on floor
>i eat one tray of tendies and i get the urge to pee pee and poo poo
>piss in coke bottle and shit in the tendie tray
>entire lunch room is staring at me
>jaws dropped
>i fucking hate normies
>principal sprints over and yells at me
>"WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?"
>he leaves for help
>shove the remaining tendies in my pockets and guzzle down my cokes
>principal and football coaches return and slowly hoist me up
>it took 5 of them
>poo poo the most ever in my life all over the principals shoes
>maintenance brings a golf cart with a bed on it to drive me to the office
>parked outside because they don't want to even try to bring me inside
>obviously normie principal tells me how disgusting i am
>i'm expelled from school and he calls my mom
>mom shows up furious and takes me home
>in the car she tells me
>"anon, I am taking away 500 GBP"
>"but i only have 100 right now you dumb whore"
>"so now you have -400 GBP"
>fucking cunt
>we get home and she sends me to my room
>mfw more tendies in my pocket than i could have gotten in one week
>great success

>>684420097
Oh goody !!!

Its one of those threads again !!!

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>be at Burger King
>they have $1.49 for 10 nuggets deal
>this means I can order more nuggies!
>time to load up
>decide to get 200
>make ma-ma do the conversion from USD to GBP
>only 60 Good Boy Points for 200 nugnugs!
>I clean out their nuggie saucies (costs 0 GBP so I order extra, 1 sauce packet per 2 nuggies)
>my table looks like the famous Scarface scene but with nuggies instead of cocaine
>scarf down my nuggers n' sauce while ma-ma plays Candy Crush on her phone (shitty pleb game)
>mum tells me to slow down else I get a tum-tum ache
>stupid bitch thinks she can tell me what to do
>later that night I wake up with a big hurty poo
>rush-waddle to bathroom
>trip and fall before I reach toilet
>laying on the bathroom floor crying my eyes out and pooping all over the floor
>1 hour later i clean myself up in the toilet bowl and wake up mommy to clean my poopies
>didn't get my 50 GBP for sleeping through the night
>lose the 30 daily GBP bonus I get for keeping my poo-poos in the toilet
>can't go to sleep now
>do peepee fun rubby-squirty on the Baby Bop pages of my Barney and Friends picture book
>miss the pages and and get pee-pee mayonnaise all over my bedsheets
>mums gonna take away the rest of my GBP for this
>mfw
And that's why you never choose nuggies over tendies

>>684431742
>skinny fucking normies are staring at me
>obviously never played WoW
can rel8

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The following is completely true. Unlike the rest of you idiots I actually live the dream!

>29 years old
>In my play room
>Need to make poo
>Lean over my inflatable ottoman
>Put my toy dump truck between my legs and make a shipment.
>Poo-poo is a little runnier than usual, but it doesn't matter.
>Now I'm hauling a fresh load across the country
>Mummy brings in my lunch (nachos. I like to change it up)
>"Anon, I told you not to play with your poo poo!"
>I'm getting real fucking tired of hearing this.
>Flip the plate of nachos into the wall
>Start punching my own head
>"Anon stop PLEASE STOP!" she screams
>You made me do this I say.
>She runs out of the room to get the tethers to tie my arms back and stop me hitting myself
>Stand behind the door and wait for her to come back.
>As soon as she runs back in I punch her directly in the face as hard as I can, making a weird, wet cracking sound.
>She falls over and hits her head on my dinosaur table.
>I go back to playing with my toy trucks and stuffed animals
>She wakes up a bit later
>I don't say anything, I just stare at her
>She quietly leaves the room.
>I can hear her crying from her room.
>Am I worried? No. Regretful? Certainly not.
>I'll wait it out and things will go back to normal.
>It's easy for me to be a good boy.
>If Mummy does what I say I'll be a good little boy.

If she doesn't like it she should have had an abortion. She chose this life.

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Baby wakes up in the morning hungry for his tendie meal
He starts shouting for his mummy, and so loudly it's unreal
"Wanna eat my chickie tendies, so please give them to me now,
And don't forget to bring the ranch, you fat, ungrateful cow"
Mummy comes in with a smile on her face
"Just a second hun", sounds like she knows her place
After just a minute comes my favorite food in bed
And I sit there eating chicken, happy baby has been fed

Mummy comes back later for my dirty dish and plate
And now I need more tendies to properly satiate
So I throw the plate at mummy and I tell her what I need
But I threw the plate so hard at her that she began to bleed
Mummy took my good boy points away
And she told me that I will be grounded for today
This is an injustice for the good boys everywhere
Time to release plan B inside of my underwear

I sit in my bed and then I have to concentrate
And release manifestation of my overwhelming hate
And when all is said and done,that is when I begin to bawl
Mummy comes back in, because she's at my beck and call
I watch her face when she smells the smell
"This is it dear mummy, this is my personal hell"
"Baby made a poo poo and needs mummy to change"
"Don't forget my good boy points, cuz I yelled out your name"

The morally of the story is that baby's always right
Gotta put mummy in place when she puts up a fight
She will try to ground you, but try as she might
When she messes with baby there is no end in sight
Cherry Coke Zero is such a joy
To go with chickie tendies for mummy's little boy
And in the morning we will do this all again
That's why daddy left us, because his is not our friend

>>684432161
>If she doesn't like it she should have had an abortion. She chose this life.
I agree with this. All our mothers used to be slutty normalfags. We wouldn't have pity with them normally. Ironically the only reason we do pity them is because they forced us into existence, which is the same reason we should hate them even more

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> be me
> 28 years old NEET
> raised as an only child
> I caused mummy and daddys divorce
> nothing matters except the scrumptious taste of tendies
> GOLDEN BROWN TENDY TOWN TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN
> mfw its 03:00am
> eww mummy is sleeping with nasty landlord
> mummy I'm hungries
> yell into intercom for snackitysnacks
> CLAIM THE MEAL OF THE CHICKEN GODS!! ITS TENDY TIME!!
> her tired voice reponds with "NOT NOW SWEETY MOMMY IS WORKING!!"
> insolent woman I know there are tendies in the freezer bring me my tendies
> challenging me at this hour?
> keep chanting for the tendies that are rightfully mine
> evil jew landlord tells mummy to shut me up
> naughty man. Making mummy's ladylettuce smell like sardines
> The war has begun.ctn
> enter sunrise. All Preparations are complete.
> nullifying any chance of escape I reeeee into mummies "office" on my valiant reinforced electric scooter.
> douse jew in two jugs of poopyjuice before he can activate his spells
> evil jew is unable to battle!
> ram him into the corner and then leap off of my valiant steed and mount mummy's face
> NO NO NO NO NO NO MUMMY! YOUR PUNISHMENT MUST BE MORE SEVERE!!
> "URGH! YOU'RE CRUSHING ME SWEET-- OH GOD HELP ME PLEASE NO!!"
> Groan as I release a big boy turd so nasty her fingernails begin to peel backwards
> gaze into her eyes as the impact sends mummy into panic attack
> expel the last of my poopies on the sheet. How many times must I break you?
> tidy up my toys and waddle into kitchen to await my spoils
> slithery jew slithers out of my castle and says we don't need to worry about rent ever again
> mummy finally arrives visibly shaken and broken inside
> opens the freezer to make my tendies and blows them until they are cool
> "mummy you have to chew them for me"
> mummy breaks down in tears and screams for death
> yawn, give myself 5 extra gbp and fall asleep without eating them.

>>684432161
The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

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>i wake up for another sing-songy sunshiney funday
>i stretch and yawn as I rip my daily wakey gas, the feeling of liquid splattering against my Magic School Bus undies makes me proud
>i haul myself out of bed, try to kiss my Rinoa Heartilly body pillow good morning, but my legs buckle out from under my generous frame
>oh well! I guess I'll have to be a Roly Poly from now on
>i roll over to my GBP chart and check it
>I've saved up a whole 5 GBP! That's a new record I'm SURE mummy will be proud of!
>i roll down the stairs to see what mumsy is up to this wonderful morning
>i slip and crack my nose against the stairpost
>mumma gets up shocked, "Anon are you okay?!"
>i'm bleeding from my nose and it has a weird shape, but I don't care, "mummy mummy, where's the yummy chickie tendies for my tummy?"
>"what?"
>i lift my shirt and begin slapping my tummy like a bongo "your precious little angel has saved five GBP, make some chickie tendies, and make them all for me!"
>"Anon, you know the price for a tendie meal is 20 Good Boy Points. And after the Legoland incident you should be grateful that you still have 5 left."
>i freeze. This BITCH, has the fucking GALL, to deprive me of my well deserved poultry cutlets.
>i sit up and begin slamming my feet on the floor angrily and punching my head
>"YOUR SPECIAL LITTLE BOY HAS BEEN GOOD FOR FAR TOO LONG, TENDIES NOW YOU BITCH OR I SHALL DO YOU WRONG"
>she closes her eyes, "Anon, please calm down..."
>i begin screaming and simultaneously poopooing and peepeeing my pants, but my engine has been burned out and I curl up in my own waste, peacefully sleeping
>i wake up clean and tethered to my bed, a plate of yummy tendies on my tummy with a note from mama jama saying she's sorry for being so harsh and that she's proud of me for being such a good boy
Being a bad boy has its perks, but nothing beats the satisfaction of being mummy's good little boy!

>684428518
IFunny fag.

>>684427686
dude....where did you get a power rangers colouring book?

>>684435728
Newfag

>>684435728
>ifunny fag
>fails to link post

i think YOU'RE the ifunny fag my dude

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>be 32 year old beautiful, happy bouncy baby boy with a bright future ahead of me
>6pm, just woke up, getting my morning ceweals
>enter mommy, she sits down in front of me as i happily pick apart the marshmellows in the cereal and eat them with a spoon full of milkies
>"honey, your dad and i have been talking, and we think its finally time for you to get a job..."
>i stop her immediately after that
>"mommy, what are you...?"
>an incomprehensible rage takes over me, i quickly lash out at mommy
>rip off my poopy diaper that she hasnt fucking changed since last night
>throw it right at her face, makes a big splat sound and she falls back from the force and velocity of the poopy diaper smacking her
>as she is stunned and wiping the poopies off, i stand over her with my fists clutched, she is cowering with her hands over her face, stupid fucking bitch
>i remind her that baby doesnt like it when his diaper changing bonding with mommy time is forgotten
>start peeing all over her, she probably wants to be washed off by now
>punch in the stomach and make sure she doesnt tell anyone what happened
>later that night, she comes in with a plate full of fresh KFC tendies and a new diaper, kisses my forehead and tells me to have a good night at 10 am

>>684424406
Fucking lol

>>684436067
Mummy gets all my coloring books from Barnes & Noble. She never lets me go with her out of fear of being seen with me by someone she knows, so I have to take whatever she buys me. Luckily she got me a Ninja Turtles book last week. I like Ninja Turtles.

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>Wake up this morning feeling good
>Pull the special edition Battlestar Galactica blanket off my bed
>Tie it around my neck like cape
>Step over my piss bottles and old food containers
>It's an autistic ballet as I tip toe to the spots on my floor that aren't covered in garbage
>Finally make it out into hallway
>Rush to look at Good Boy chart on the wall
>MFW only 10 more points needed for a Double Tendie Dinner!
>Run downstairs so fast my cape floats behind me
>Do a running slide onto kitchen floor to tell Mummy the good news
>Mummy just looks at me sternly
>Says to bend over so she can check my diaper first
>"You know I have to check every morning, anon."
>"Nooooo! I don't wanna!" I yell defiantly
>Tears start to well in her eyes
>She starts walking away from me
>"Wait...Ok..." I say as I lean over the table for her inspection
>Pull down my pants
>The smell of partially digested tendy shit and cheese diarrhea wafts to her nose
>She instantly vomits into the sink
>"That's minus 50 GBP!" she screams with her chin covered in puke
>"I screech and rip off the diaper
>Throw it onto the dining room table as hard as I can
>Orange and brown chunks splatter everywhere
>Some gets on the ceiling
>Some gets on mummy
>She curls into a ball sobbing uncontrollably next to the sink
>Reaches up for a towel but accidentally cuts herself on a kitchen knife I left out
>She's bleeding and covered in vomit and poo while screaming how I'm a bad boy
>Quickly put on my shoes and stuff my pockets with frozen tendies
>Run to my car crying because now I'm late for class at community college

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>2 AM
>really fucking want some Lunchables
>wake up my stupid bitch of a mother and tell her to go to Walmart and buy me some
>"Anon, it's 2 AM and I have work in the morning, I'll get you some after work tomorrow."
>start slamming my head against the wall while screaming LUNCHABLES so the neighbors wake up
>"Anon, go the fuck to bed or I'll call the police."
>tell her if she calls the police I'll kill myself
>finally the bitch gets in the car and leaves
>takes her 45 minutes to get them
>look in the bag and see she got the Lunchables with Reese's instead of Skittles just to spite me
>fetch my Little League slugger and corner her
>"You think this is fucking funny you fucking know I hate Reese's you stupid BITCH"
>she begins sobbing and farting uncontrollably out of fear
>open up her mother's urn and pour her ashes into one of my piss bottle and start chugging it infront of her
>she faints at the sight of this
>she oversleeps and is fired for being late
>stupid bitch know not to fuck with me now

fucking normies

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When you were young
You were the king of chicken tendies
And how you built an empire in the KFC
In yummy dipping sauce pooling around your feet

And your mom would stick a fork right into those gold morsels
And feed you from her hand, her precious baby boy
As good boy points kept adding up till the next meal you'd try

Now this is the room
Your mommy said she'd always love you
And that she'd never want you to move out or go
Into the world, to get a chance to grow

And your dad would drink until he was half dead
And your mom would come up with brand new ways to fry
Those goldbrown nuggers without which you would certainly die
I LOVE YOU CHICKEN NUGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

CHICKY NUGS I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUU YESSSS I DOOOOOOOOOOOO

I LOVE YOU CHICKEN NA-U-A-U-A-UGSSSSSSSSSS

CHICKY NUGS I LOVE YOU YES I DOOOOOO

From all the kinds I've tried
None of the dipping sauces lied
Whether they're breaded or they're fried
WITHOUT MY TENDIES I WOULD DIIIIIIEEEEEE

>>684424738
Not just this board, there seem to be alot on /b/ tonight.

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>sitting in room
>finish plate of tendies mummy just made for me
>hmm, I want some more!
>decide to play a prank on mummy (might cost some gbp, but fun is fun)
>rig one of my pee pee bottles to pour on whoever opens my door
>position my wittle bottom towards the door as well and pull down my diaper
>bang my steel drum to get her attention (at 30 gbp I simply had to!)
>MUMMY MUMMY, I WAS HUNGRY, NOW I'M FULL SO RUB MY TUMMY!
>Hear mummy coming
>A grin grows across my face as she draws near, my eyes crinkle and a "teehee!" slips out
>Mummy enters the room
>my pee pee pours in a steady stream on her head
>At the same time I begin blasting her with my nasty poo poo, coating her in a thick baby waby green layer!
>heehee! messy mummy messy mummy I say rhymically as she is covered in my nasty
>She doesn't say a word as my prank plays out
>finish my poo, turn and sit bare bottomed on the floor, leaving a wittle poopy stain
>mummy, did you wike my joke? ga ga goo goo!
>I begin giggling and drooling while slapping my wittle feetsies together as applause
>She does say anything
>Mummy, waugh at my wittle joke!
>I can see tears running through my pee pee and poo poo on her face
>Mummy, you don't want to upset your perfect wittle boy do you?
>She is still fighting
>My eyes sharpen and I drop my voice do a gravely, gutteral tone
>Listen you normie cunt, laugh at your sons prank or I'll kill you and kill myself, I'll drag you into the bath and slit your wrists while I fuck your fat whore ass
>Punch her in the face for good measure, give her black eye
>Mummy sees reason and lets out a chuckle
>heehee! I think that deserves 20 gbp for being such a funny and creative prank, don't you mummy!?
>She does a sort of weird nod and walks out of my playpen
GBP is too easy to get, even when being a naughty boy! She even took me out for more tendies that day, at no cost!

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>wake up at 11PM
>tum tum roaring with the force of a thousand exploding suns from hunger
>put hand down my pull up big boy diaper and poke around in my bum bum
>pull out a soggy mess of half digested poo poo
>smell it and wipe it on my buzz lightyear bedsheets for mommy to clean up later
>roll out of my race car bed and waddle to kitchen
>mommy better have my tendies ready and at perfect temperature or she's going to PAY
>find mommy slumped against the oven, overwhelmed from exhaustion from having to work 2 jobs
>that BITCH overcooked my tendies AND they're cold
>dig around inside bum bum again and smear poo poo over over the tendies and the Good Boy Points chart on the fridge
>at least she prepared XL sippy cup filled with Mountain Dew
>gag because its lukewarm from having been left out of the fridge too long
>vomit all over the floor
>fling my sippy cup at mommy and hit her on the head
>juice explodes everywhere and mixes with the vomit
>mommy doesn't even notice
>REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>jump onto her and start hitting her in her tummy and num nums
>she wakes up with a look of pure terror, and gags from the stench of vomit, shit and mountain dew
>YOU BURN MY TENDIESSSSSSSSSSSSS
>she tries to explain that she's so tired from work and not having enough money
>continue pulling on her num nums until she lifts up her top and lets me drink
>mfw I stole enough gold stars so I'll have enough GBP to buy that electric motorbike to race around the house with now

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>ever since the GBP inflation I've been a little short on cashies
>need more and I need it fast!
>suddenly I get a brainwave
>i slam my body against my mummy's bedroom door, it flies open and I do a gangsta walk in but I'm quickly winded, my cleanest cargo shorts pulled to my knees, my Hannah Montana night shirt tucked into my undies, and my best fedora worn backwards and tilted on my head (something I kissed it for beforehand as a preemptive apology)
>"ay baby wassup, it's yo boy Tendie Fresh in da houuuuse"
>ever since that jungle noise they call (c)rap music has become popular again after years of being rightfully hated by any civilized member of society, I decided to join the fad and become a rapper too
>she sighs "anon please go back to sleep. It's 3 AM and I have to get ready for work in a few hours"
>"ay ay ay hoe, don't diss me, I'm here to give yo ass a concert," I feel like I'm doing very well at emulating a black person despite not having any experience being around one, "I call dis single 'Poopoo in da streetz,' I wrote it while I was in a very dark place"
>she massages her temples and sighs again
>i give her the best performance ever, it's a masterpiece of dancing, lyrics, and vocal music. I feel like it's worth a hefty reward of GBP
>I'm breathing heavily but I'm asking for the reward anyway
>she laughs, "you don't just walk in here, scream about hating the Jews between loud 'dun duns' that you make with your mouth and ask for points reserved for when you do something good."
>that whorebag is sitting there mocking me! Me! Her special little angel!
>i almost want to run back to my room crying and poopooing my pants out of embarrassment, but I decide to do what all black people do when their mummy's disrespect them
>i slapped her hard and she collapsed against the bed
>I take her hand and I write a 50,000 GBP coupon in her name with it
>I quickly waddle back to my room with it, farting frantically
>mfw I get more tendies and I'm super hip

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>40 GBP
>10 more until mommy gives me a tendie feast
>need 10 more GBP, how will I do this..
>hmmmm
>I know! Maybe if I clean out my piss and shit jugs mommy will give me more GBP!!!!
>gather my festering hoard of shit and piss filled jugs.
>nowhere to put them...
>I know!
>hide them all in the oven
>show mommy my cleaned out room
>"w-what a good boy! H-here's 10 GBP f-for my good boy!" She says with tears of happiness in her eyes
>feelsfuckinggoodman
>tendie feast here we come!
>mommy preheats oven
>oh no
>piss and shit jugs explode inside the oven
>kitchen and mummy caked in piss, shit and maggots
>mummy screams and cries in horror
>"YOU'VE BEEN A BAD BOY ANON!"
>takes away all my good boy points
>makes me clean the kitchen at no additional GBP while she takes a bath
>no tendie feast and no gbp
>mfw

>>684431829
>>they have $1.49 for 10 nuggets deal
Jesus, is that a thing ? God damn, no wonder you americucks are all lardasses.

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>Mummy's new boyfriend comes over
>they're play wrestling in her room
>fucking normies
>i'll show them!
>start slamming on the door with my body
>"WE WANT TENDIES WE WANT TENDIES BE THEY CRISPY AND FROM WENDY'S"
>"anon please don't start this"
>I can hear the desperation in her voice, I have already won
>"TENDIES TENDIES NOTHING LESS, GIVE ME OR ILL MAKE A MESS"
>her boyfriend starts yelling at me to go away
>"anon, please, I'll give you 100 GBP if you go play in your room quietly"
>we are past the point of no return, it's time to teach this bitch a lesson
>"POOPY POOPY ON THE FLOOR, NEXT IT COMES UNDER THE DOOR"
>pull down my diaper (I taught myself how to do that trick) and take a #2 the floor
>begin cramming it under the door with my foot
>Mummy's friend starts going ballistic, opens the door and pins me to the wall like he's going to punch me
>start fake crying while screaming "TENDIESTENDIESTENDIES"
>mummy pulls him off me and tells him to leave
>he says he's never coming back
>go take my bubblebath
>finish and towel off
>tendies are sitting on my desk

Heard her crying later that night. I swear normies are so fucking easy to break. I have enough GBP saved up to go to LEGOland, I think I'll make a poopy in the middle of the park just to watch her squirm. She knows I own her.

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>be me
>29 years old
>literal manchild
>3 am
>lying in bed, have to take a shit
>don't want to get up, so shit in my bed
>its getting too sticky & stinky for my liking
>get out of bed and start stomping on the ground as hard as i can while shouting: MOMMY!!! POOPOO!!! POOPOO!!! at the top of my lungs
>stop when i hear my mom walking up the stairs
>She comes in my room and sees my shit covered bed
>sighs deeply and cleans up my mess
>ask her if she can take me to Mcdonalds
>''anon, its 3 in the morning and i have to get up early''
>throw a tantrum, take off my pants and start shitting and pissing on the floor
>''ok ok anon, p-please just stop''
>she cleans up and off we go
>make her buy me 3 happy meals
>want a balloon
>they tell my mom they're all out of balloons
>start screaming and nagging until she gets me a balloon
>BALLOON, I WANT MY BALLOOOON!!!!!
>only thing open this late is the gas station store by the highway, 30 minutes away>we get home
>my mom and me get back home
>my mom looks exhausted
>go to my room to play with my happymeal toys and balloon
>hear my mom crying downstairs

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>be me
>38 years old, still unemployed
>4am
>horny after watching 10 episodes of Pokemon: Johto Journey
>clomp my way across the landing to mummy's room
>clamber onto her bed
>MUMMY WUMMY ITS TIME FOR MY TUMMY TO GIVE YOU THE TENDIES THAT COME FROM MY ENDIES
>she wakes groggy and confused
>"Oh no, no Anon, please. We said-"
>she bursts into tears
>"We said I would only do it once. You got your 100,000 GBP to promise to never do it again."
>stupid bitch is crying hysterically now
>"I need to get up for work in an hour. Burger King told me if I'm late again I'll be f-f-fired."
>grab her hair and yank her head up
>NO MUMMY ITS TIME FOR YOU TO RECYCLE THE CHICKEN TENDIES BECAUSE TENDIES FROM MY ENDIES ARE YUMMY FOR MUMMYS TUMMY
>tries to wriggle away, gasping hysterically, but I grab her slender wrists with my Charizard strength
>MUMMY YOU ARE SO PRETTY I tell her as the tears stream down her red, puffy face
>MUMMYEEEEEEEERRRGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!! YOU HAVE TO EAT THE SECOND HAND TENDIES
>she nods slowly, lower lip quivering
>squat myself over mummy's accepting face and pull down my black shorts with the flames up the sides
>mummy opens her mouth, trembling with horror and racked with sobs as she tries to keep still, I can feel her hot breath on my hairy, shit-encrusted anus
>(tendies tendies from my endies, from my tummy into mummy) I whisper into the night air
>within seconds I feel something
>a gushing of release and relief from my guts expels explosive and gaseous from my itchy bumhole, spraying and splopping chunks and jets and gooey ropes of every colour all over mummy's face and into her pink, waiting mouth
>hear her gagging and crying even harder underneath me
>relief is so intense I fall face-first onto her bed, booty naked in the air
>EAT MY TENDIES MUMMY, THEYRE SO GOOD AND YUMMY I say into the bedding, muffled
>hear her trying to swallow
>just keeps gagging and crying
>I fall asleep there and when I wake up at 3pm she's gone

fucking normie bitch

>>684438690
>I do a gangsta walk in but I'm quickly winded, my cleanest cargo shorts pulled to my knees, my Hannah Montana night shirt tucked into my undies, and my best fedora worn backwards and tilted on my head
literally LOLing at the thought of this

>>684425099
I had that carpeting when I was a kid!

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>Wake up at 3pm
>Have shat myself multiple times in my sleep
>Look at the clock
>Mummy finishes work at 2pm
>Oh boy Tendies day!
>Go into Lounge room
>Mummy has friends over for coffee
>they notice me standing there wearing nothing and shit encrusting my lower torso
>"MUMMY TENDIES MUMMY TENDIES"
>"Anon you should go have a shower"
>"NO MUMMY TENDIES"
>One of mummy's friends look at me
>"A 28 year old man shouldn't live the way you do"
>I look this bitch in the eye, this fucking cunt who dared speak out of line
>Pick up the coffee table and swing it into her face breaking her jaw
>"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE TENDIES REEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
>Grab mummy's head
>Shove it into my anus
>"LICKY LOO MUMMY, LICKY LOO"
>Mummy starts crying
>"P-please anon I'll raise your GBP by 500 if you stop"
>"No mummy, you're a bad mummy for not supplying my tendies mummy you have to learn"
>"O-okay anon I'm going to have to go buy your tendies"
>Mummy and her friends leave

Fucking normies, I sure showed those bitches

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>>684438690
Nigga did yo ass just walk in da woman's bedroom askin of dem GBP? Shiiit, yous a real neets home dog.

>>684437587
>tell her if she calls the police I'll kill myself

realistically she would call the police

B-

>>684444180
get?

>>684444444

>>684444233
newfag spotted

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>11pm, i'm in bed
>wake up with a hankering for tendies
>sneak downstairs even though it's past my bedtime
>see mummy and new daddy watching something on tv
>be extra sneaky as i go past to the kitchen
>pull big box of tendies from freezer
>ham-handedly drop it and it makes a loud *THUNK*
>mummy hears it and thinks I'm a burgler
>new daddy rushes out of the room to investigate
>he runs into the kitchen and i shit and piss everywhere in fear
>he gets angry and starts yelling at mummy
>'why the fuck do we have to live with this fucking autistic kid'
>things get heated and he hits mummy
>big mistake
>pick up a fistfull of the shit and throw it in new daddy's face
>i jump on him, throw him to the ground, then sit on his face (i weigh 300 lbs)
>sit there for a while, new daddy stops moving
>command mummy to make me tendies
>she does
>now new daddy needs a special chair he controls with his mouth to get around
>he grimaces every time i walk past
>mummy makes me tendies every day, no quibbles

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Anon Ymous was your average good boy.

>Anon is at his computer making fun of wageslaves giving a massive belly laugh as he reads their replies

>Cuts to Anon snoring and drooling on top of a waifu hugpillow

But one day, something happened that changed his life forever...

>Anon is in a creaking booster seat flailing angrily and letting out a primal "REEEEEE" as he slaps broccoli out of his disheveled mother's hand

>"Anon please...a growing boy needs his veggies..."

>"I DON'T NEED VEGGIES. I. NEED. TENDIES. NOW!" Anon cries as he pounds his fists on the seat's table

>"Well you know what Anon? Once you get your own money, then you can have all of the tendies you want. But as long as you rely on me for GBP you'll have to wait"

>"Oh we'll see about that mummy...we'll see about that"

Two strenuous days later Anon is CEO of PepeTech, a global company that makes a lot of money within the cutthroat world of the Pepe trading market.

Anon thought he had it all, but then...

>"Cool Cat, send mummy in" Anon's finger goes off the buzzer and onto a check of 1,000,000 Pepebux, a new currency created by the economic dominance of PepeTech

>she comes in and Anon hands her the check, rubbing his hands and licking his lips awaiting the GBP transfer

>she denies it, and Anon responds by angrily jumping up and down screaming about how it isn't fair and that he earned the money

>Finally she cracks, "you can't just pretend you're successful and rich! That's not how this works!" she knocks over Anon's "I'm a Little CEO" Playset in a livid stupor "It's time to grow up, whether you like it or not!"

Get ready for the feel-good hit of the summer!

Anon Ymous plays himself in The Goodest Boy, coming to theaters soon.

So does anyone here actually live this tendies life?

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>3 o clock in the morning
>get hungry for chicken nuggets
>go into mummies room
>she is playing wrestling with new daddy
>I don't like new daddy
>they are playing under the sheets
>they don't see me enter the room
>I remove my clothes
>I squat beside the bed
>as I squeeze, I let out several grunts and moans
>mummy and new daddy are also grunting and moaning
>squeezing hard, I feel my sphincter throb and pulse
>double double toil and trouble something wicked this way comes
>the brown goodness pours forth from my anus and veers in a sweeping motion slightly to the left and touches the ground
>my sphincter closes off, like a valve, sealing my back passage shut
>I behold my work
>a solid mass of brown goodness
>I am proud
>mummy and new daddy have stopped wrestling
>new daddy says "um...d-do you smell something?"
>mummy pleads "oh god....oh god please not again"
>mummy is well learned in the ways of brown goodness
>but new daddy still must learn
>he is about to
>throwing back the sheets
>mummy and new daddy look upon my work and despair
>new daddy retches at the sight of me standing, now with brown goodness in hand
>new daddy screams "is th-that fucking real?!?! I-is that fucking shit??!?!?!
>mummy buries her face in her hands in shame
>she knows what is coming
>I lean on top of new daddy
>he tries to struggle free
>I'm 350 lbs of pure blubber
>he's going nowhere
>his arms are pinned beneath my might
>I take my brown goodness and paint new daddy's face
>I make him a brown man
>a brown chocolate man with my brown chocolate goodness
>he shakes violently and vomits several times
>I struggle to keep him still
>mummy is sobbing by the bedside
>her days of trying to reason with me are gone
>she has given up all hope
>she is broken
>after I am finished my work, new daddy is covered in my brown goodness and chunks of his own vomit, tears streaming down his face
>after daddy is done gagging, I lean in close
>I whisper "can you take me to mcdonalds to get some chicken nuggets?"

>>684445300
toppest kek

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>wake up in my crib
>stretch out, my legs can barely fit between the bars
>as I move, I feel my poopoo sloshing around my diapers
>hmm, mommy seems to have forgotten to change me today
>my tummy rumbles
>look at clock besides GBP chart, 4:54 PM, almost time for my brekky
>I stand up in the crib and yell "RUMBLY-RUMBLY IN MY TUMMY, GIMME CHICKIE TENDIES MUMMY"
>no response
>mommy doesn't even care that her precious boy is hungies
>contemplate breaking my crib again, but I'm in a good mood since she since she gave me extra chickies yesterday at no GBP cost
>yell again, still no response
>keep yelling for about an hour until my throat starts to hurt
>struggle to move my portly frame out of the crib
>waddle downstairs, chanting "CRISPY OUTSIDE, SOFT INSIDE, MOMMY MOMMY WHERE'D YOU HIDE" with each step
>I can see mommy's shadow, she's in front of the telly sleeping
>sit on her lap, my poo poo leaks on her under my weight
>STILL no response
>this has gone too far
>start shaking her
>"TEN-DIES, TEN-DIES, TEN-DIES, CHICKIE-CHICKIE TEEEN-DIIIEEEES"
>amazing, she still hasn't woken up, the absolute NERVE of her
>notice she's holding a yellow tube, grab it
>it has small pieces of candy in it, but it's half empty
>selfish cunt doesn't even care that I'm a growing boy and need my sugar
>"be forewarned, mummy... this may suffice for now, but I expect tendies for din-din"
>lift tube and swallow all the remaining candy
>fall fast asleeps just like mummy

>>684446284
>look upon my work and despair
Thats a pretty smart reference, anon.

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> Be healthy 300 pound baby with a loving mommy
> wake up right on time at 5:25pm after a night of intense gaming on garys mod
> Go out to GameStop with mummy to buy the minecraft sword I was promised, to defend against normies
> Feel instant rush of anger when I finally get the sword, because I need to show I'm superior to dumb wagecucks
> I hit the wagey with it, as hard as my big boned muscles will allow me to
> "Anon! WHY!?"
> "DUMB WAGESLAVE MADE ME CAVE! LET ME GIVE HIM A BOO BOO OR I DO A POO POO!" I wittily reply
> "ANON! 200GBP GONE MISTER"
> This dumb bitch thinks she can get away with this, I warned her
> "REEEEEEE" I scream, as I pull down the shelves in the store to block off mommy
> Rip down my soiled diaper, the stench immediately causes the two other customers in the store to vomit
> Put my brand new awesome sword between my bum bum cheeks, pointing it behind me
> Start fiercely grinding on the sword, the mere sight causes all the normies in the store to get shocked from amazement
> Can feel the individual pixel changing as I do move it
> Sword is now covered in my healthy, thick blood
> Pee on the sword for good measure
> I am now the master of all the elements, blood, pee pee and poo poo
> "GIVE ME TENDIES NOW MUM"
> Start hitting everyone in the store with the amalgamated weapon
> Everyone flees
> Start rolling around in the aftermath
> Pass out, because I was hungry
> Wake up in bed with tendies, mommy happily swinging on a rope by her neck
> Decisive victory

>>684442212
This one is actually making me feel sick. I think I might skip breakfast today.

>>684448406
Lightweight.

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>playing some call of dooties tree
>my belly starts to rumble
>"Mommy I need some Tendieeeeeessss."
>"Anon, for the last time, you're on a diet and can't have fried food!"
>"But momeeeeeee! I have enough GBPeeeee!!"
>no response
>wait a few minutes
>Hear the "bump bump" of mommy walking down the stairs
>a tray slides through my flap-flap on my basement door
>mommy had it installed because "she couldn't bear seeing me"
>remove the neck of my poop jug from my anus
>been sitting on my poop jug as a chair all day
>it makes my peepee feel tingly
>wobble over my bedroom door
>look at the tray
>so taken aback by the horror on my tray that I fall over
>THE BITCH MADE ME BAKED CHICKEN
>clench fists hulk-style and start yelling "IM.... ANGRY"
>"ANON SMASH!"
>just like my hero, saitama, knock the basement door off of it's hinges in one punch
>start hobbling up the stairs
>have to stop on the 5th step because exhausted
>take a nap on the stairs for about 30 minutes
>continue making my journey up the last 3 steps
>get to the top, reminds me of rocky
>roll up to mommy, poopy butt leaving trails on the carpet
>"hello anon how were your dinn-"
>roll straight into her legs, knocking her to the ground
>"MOMMY FAILED TO COMPLY, NOW SHE ten-DIES"
>Start rolling on her like a steamroller
>hear her bones cracking from my beautiful curves
>"ANON NO PLEASE STOP!"
>activate "Muddy Lemonade" protocol
>start pissing and shitting as i roll over her
>"ANON ILL MAKE YOU TENDIES JUST PLEASE STOP!"
>I halt
>she crawls to the kitchen her broken legs dragging behind her
>see her pull a handful of what i think are tic-tacs from an orange bottle and put them into the milk for the breading
>I hate mint flavor!
>slither up behind her like a snake that has just eaten a elephant whole
>"PUT MINTS IN MY TENDIES, YOUR SPINE GOES BENDY"
>get mommy's head and bend it backwards so the back touches her butt
>she's limp
>have peepee fun friction time with her mouth
>roll back to basement and start playing CS:GO

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>>684420097

>>684420097
You know, there are people in this world who deserve to die. You? You don't even deserve as much.

>>684437710
I love the hipsteresque dancing of that pepe. Fits the text really well.

>>684442875
it feels like every country had the same carpet

I feel so fucking sorry for her. Who would do that? She gave birth to you. She gave you life and you are treating her like this. What the fuck, dude...

>>684448980
That ending, holy christ

/r/ princesses pls

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This thread makes my NEET-heart swell with pride.

amazing

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All I want are chicken tenders
Fresh from the hands of the tendie vendors
Chunks of chicken I will toss
Into spicy mustard sauce
Mommy, I am hungry - famished
Those nuggies on my plate have vanished
I suggest you get me more
Now, not later, fucking whore!

I scream and shout and wet my diapies
My bum needs soothing wipey wipeys.
Do you want me to get a rash?
Only you would be so brash
This is why my daddy's gone
I'm ashamed to call you mom.
Mommy cries, and fills my plate
Tries to douse my flaming hate

Tendies are the only thing
That seem to ease the gripping pain
The pain within my hungry tummy
Feed your baby, feed me mummy!
Those sweet tendies in my tum
Mask my stinging rashy bum

Mommy sits and has a drink
The only time that she can think
Is when her baby has his treat
Of chocolate milk and chicken meat
Mommy knows what she must do
While her baby has no clue
From her purse, she grabs a gun
Takes a breath, this won't be fun

Pulls the trigger, flash of light
Now it's over, all is right
Silence graces mommy's ears
Smiles through the streaming tears
No more tendies, poop or pee
The pain is over, mommy's free

>>684431829
>lose the 30 daily GBP bonus I get for keeping my poo-poos in the toilet

not worth it tbh

>>684420097
What the ever-living fuck is wrong with you?

>>684452202
Newfag jewbag, gtfo

>>684420097

It's threads like these that really scare me from the NEET life.

>>684427686
>>684436821
You poor thing :(

I actually feel kinda bad for you. You at least seem to try your best, unlike OP.

>>684452741
Dude, look at the whole thread. It's full of them. We're seeing the first signs of the newfag summer invasion.

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>go to shitty arcade with family
>see some shooting game where you sit in a booth
>sister and I get in the booth
>she sits on my lap
>i'm intrigued
>she starts grinding on my dick
>OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
>she's wearing yoga pants
>i can feel it all
>take my dick out
>she grabs it hard and I splooge everywhere
>tells me she wants to fuck me
>get home, about to fuck my little sister
>get into my bed, nice and cozy
>wait a bit, no sister, just a familiar smell
>smells like home
>realize i've fallen asleep
>wake up
>i panic but i realize i'm safe and secure
>my shitjugs surround me, like guards watching a beautiful prince sleep
>my fedora waits for me, like my crown, waiting to sit a top my greasing locks
>my gaming chair is still stained with my cum, ready for me to sit my un-wiped ass on it
>there's that smell again, so cozy, so familiar, what is it?
>the smell is shit leaking out of my diapee
>no one to change it
>mummy is with new daddy
>FURIOUS
>WAKE UP TO NO FUCKING TENDIES
>NORMIE MUM SPENDING TIME WITH NEW CHADDY!
>LAST FUCKING TIME I GO WITHOUT SLEEP UNTIL I GET MY FUCKING TENDIES AND GBP!
>GO UPSTAIRS, KILL NEW DADDY, MAKE MUMMY MAKE MY FUCKING TENDIES
>SAVAGELY RAPE HER WHILE SHE FEEDS THEM TO ME!
>"NO ANON, NO MORE!"
>"TELL ME MY DICK IS BIG MUMMY. TELL ME! I WILL GO BATTY!"
>SHE DOESN'T RESPOND! UNACCEPTABLE!
>I FUCKING THROW HER IN THE OVEN!
>MAKE HER INTO A CHICKEN TENDIEE
>"NO MORE GBP! NO MORE GBP!"
>I SLOWLY RAPE AND EAT MUMMY'S CORPSE!
>wake up, realize it's just a dream
>open the fridge to eat some leftover tendiess
>find leftover mummy
>delicious
>rape her dead mouth
>feel tired and sickly after a whole week of no GBP
>i've made a mistake
>i crawl back into the warm, disemboweled corpse of New Daddy
>fall asleep
>never wake up

You deserve to die little shit she gave you life and you destroy her hell is the only issues for you little bitch

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>>684455297
>the first signs of the newfag summer invasion
I FUCKING KNEW IT!!!! THREE MONTHS WITH NORMIES REEEE

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>>684420097
>Be normal
>9-5 job, own apartment, alright paying job
>Never had tendies before
>One day rushing to work. End up stopping at wendies and get some tendies
>take one bite
>andthatswhenthefirenationattacked.jpg
>facial hair instantly pops out of neck
>Fedora falls on head
>gain 200lbs
>normie shirt and jeans somehow change into trenchant and khaki pants
>mybodyisready.jpg
>charge to mummy's house
>find that bitch and demand some tendies
>"anon what the hell are you doing and what the fuck happened to you?"
>"I WANT TENDIES, REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
>bitch still confused so I whip out my unwiped shit caked asshole
>"for every minute I don't have tendies, I wipe my ass on your wall"
>the bitch makes me some tendies
>enjoy my feast while I play some warcraft on my pc

The thing that scares me most isnt horror, but that one of thease stories might be true.

>>684456396
noice

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>finally amass enough GBP for tendies
>scream at mummy GIVE ME TENDIES GIVE ME TENDIES BE THEY CRISPY AND FROM WENDYS
>mummy asks me to calm down
>slap that bitchy cunt int he face
>scream at the top of my lungs TENDIES I EARNED THEM GIVE THEM TO ME
>mummy huddled in corner crying, nods yes
>go back upstairs to play Tomodachi Life
>mummy leaves to go shopping
>mummy finally home from shopping
>feel my fedora vibrate, senses tendies
>sprint downstairs, fall on staircase and hit head on floor
>tendies too tempting, get up, bloody nose
>mom looks at me
>h-heres your tenders anon
>punch her in the stomach
>THEYRE CALLED TENDIES CUNT
>grab bag
>McDonalds
>the bitch got me mcdonalds shitnuggets and not wendy tendys
>flop on the ground and start crying
>I EARNED WENDY TENDY MOM
>mcdonalds was closer anon
>start shitting on the floor in rage and biting my moms ankles
>she finally breaks free and locks herself in the closet
>can hear her crying

i threw away the nuggets too fucking slutty cunt

anyone else gotten non-wendytendy?

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>be me
>48 yr old with wife and kids
>general manager of company
>fuck my family and my job. All I care about is the GBP
>one day get random call at 5am
>is da hospital. mummy is dying
>ohshit.jpg
>break my GBP piggy bank with an inflatable hammer
>gather all my jars of cum shit and pee
>load everything into car and drive to hospital
>see my mummy and tell her if she dies on me I will throw my cum shit and piss at her
>she cries and dies from a heart attack.
>I had nearly 1 billion GBP and she pulls this shit
>go to work tomorrow
>make company create a time machine
>it takes many months but it's complete
>go back in time for many times to find cure for mummy
>find a cure and save her
>she gives me 1 bajillion GBP
>i cash in for and infinite amount of chicken tendies
>immediately sign divorce papers and give kids up for adoption
>quit job and shit on ceo's desk
>eat chicken tendies for ever
>Happily ever After
>MFW typing this with one hand because I've been eating tendies for seven years now

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>lost all my tendies and GBP in the crash
>decide to earn one billion GBP
>buckle down and start working hard
>clean the piss, shit, and cum jugs out of my room earned 100 GBP
>step outside for the first time in years and go to the barber, earned 10 GBP
>get a shave and a haircut, earned 50 GBP for each
>enroll back in college, 100 points
>keep racking up points for years
>lose weight, get fit 100,000 points
>get a gf 10,000 points
>graduate medical school 100,000 points
>get married and buy a house 1,000,000 points
>mommy awards points for grandkids so I get my girlfriend pregnant a few times as well
>decide to see them through college for bonus points
>fast forward, kids come home for Christmas from unis
>I'm getting close to my goal of 1 billion GBP
>my sons are happy to see me
>my daughter is saying some shit about how stressful college life is
>"I'm having a hard time at college dad, it's so competitive"
>well, honey, I'm sure you'll make it you just have to bee yourself, I have complete faith in you (I've been keeping close count of GBP,. 10 points for giving fatherly advice means I've reached my goal)
>"Oh daddy I'm so glad I have you here to keep me grounded! I don't know what I would do without you
>honey I love you too, belive me life is-
>a smuge smile creeps upon my lips
>IVE BEEN A GOOD BOY FOR MUMMY
>hook my daughter in the face
>shit on the dinner table, ruin the Christmas dinner
>my family looks on in horror
>sprint out of the house all the way to my mommy's retirement home
>kick the door down
>shake her hand and smear i with shit
>IVE BEEN A GOOD BOY MUMMY WHERE'S MY TENDIES
>she stares at me with dead eyes, a single drop in her left one

That was 4 years ago. I've been living off my GBP since.

>>684460540
this

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>be 35 year-old virgin NEET
>wake up at 6pm
>glance at my GBP board
>*gasp*
>momsey raized my Tendies by 5GBP EACH!
>Fucking makin me a bitch boy
>Go online lookin for advice
>I heard Reddit is helpfull
>Crawl through forest of NeckBeards
>Fined haven of the Gods!
>/r/Redpill
>Turns out momsey is just a whore needing an Alpha
>Must sell Beta Bux for RedPills
>Check Momsey's drawers, normie bitch has packets of Control pillz !!!
>Controll pillz will suffice
>Tear open packs swallow every last fucking Control pill
>I AM ALPHA
>I AM THE BRINGER OF DEATH
>I AM REDPILL
>Momsey walks in screaming at me, give her knowing smile, punch that bitch in her baby maker
>I AM ALPHA! I beat my chest like a Gorilla
>Pull out my peepee n slap momsey as she cries salty tears
>Belly is all Rumbly Tumbly, Control pills must be workin
>Start slapping Momsey showing my true dominance, I don't need no GBP I scream in her fucking normie face!!!!
>Black the Fuck out


>Wake up in hospital, stomach freshly pumped now Im hungry as fuck!
>Momsey crying in corner
>MFW nurse gives me pile of chicken tendies...
ALPHA AS FUCK!

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>mum forgot to give me my GBP for the day
>pick her up from her sleepy slumber place
>drag her away from the shed, across the garden, and into the house
>standing infront of GBP board
>"mum, mum, wake up, I been a golly good boy today!"
>she doesn't respond
>get angrier "mommy! mommy!"
>grab knife from the kitchen table
>remember that I have to be a good boy, even when others are being naughty to me
>pick up her hand
>drag it to the GBP sticky stickers (haha)
>drag the hand to the board and carefully place them
>put mama back to sleep

It was a good day today. I was a good boy, and I really do derve those chicken tendies.

Even though mama wasn't nice, I gave her a kiss when I put her back into her coffin.

>>684462665
k e k
e
k

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>enjoying my yummy tummy tendies and masturbating to super princess peach
>typical monday night
>suddenly notice its almost 2:30 am
>icarly reruns at 2:30 am
>there is an astonishing lack of icarly and or tvs in my lair
>call my poopnosed mommy
>she doesn't come in
>wait for a patient 5 seconds minimum
>call again
>no answer, the bitch is still sleeping
>she has no idea who she's dealing with
>hit my head against the wall and start screaming
>i can see her wake up from acoss the hall
>threaten to kill myself again
>finally she comes in
>it's about time
>says some shit about bothering the whole apartment complex and how she has to go to work tomorrow
>doesn't realize i don't care
>tell her to get the tv in here
>"anon, you already have 3 tvs sweetie"
>"no mommy, i want the new tv in here"
>she sighs and tells me to get up and go to the living room myself if i want to watch it
>sheathe my katana
>politely explain that i have 1 tv for each show i watch and none of the tvs are made for icarly
>stupid cunt doesn't understand that watching another show on the wrong tv completes imbalance
>whore didn't learn that that's the reason why i burnt the last house down
>"fine, but only if you clean up your poopoo jugs while im gone"
>that fucking cunt telling me what to do
>while the bitch is gone empty the shit-jugs onto her bed as punishment
>come back
>she's still struggling to get the damn thing in here
>take another poopoo on the ground to pass the time and show her who's boss
>the staggering wench comes in here
>slips on the poopoo
>tv falls on her head
>she stops moving
>blood comes from behind
>dont care, tv's in my room
>plug it in
>realize ill have to watch the tv from top-down because stupid whore is trapped underneath
>dont care, it's pretty funny
>turn on tv.
>buzz-lightyear of star command comes on
>look at the clock
>it's 2:30 pm
>PM
>Take another shit on my mom for making me fuck up again

>>684420097

You are a sad human being.

>>684421157
>>684422617
>>684423441
>>684423649
Newfags galore! Summers almost here!

>>684464257
You just don't understand the struggles of neethood, wagecuck.

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>8pm
>playing RuneScape online
>Antifire runs out, die
>Scream and punch my wall, putting another hole in it (they stopped getting fixed when dad left)
>Fucking normalscum mom yells up to me "Anon, please stop getting mad at your nintendo! Pause it and come down for din-dins!"
>Yell back "FUCK OFF MOM IT'S NOT A NINTENDO AND I CAN'T PAUSE IT I NEED TO GET MY ITEMS BACK BEFORE THEY DESPAWN"
>All the while I'm running back (~200k risk)
>DISCONNECTED FROM SERVER
>Start screaming, run downstairs, tripping over my pissbottles
>Mom is standing by the router, dumb bitch turned it off
>"Now, anon, I'm sorry I had to do that, but Doctor Goldberg says I need to set limits-"
>Cock my fedora back and punch that smug cunt in the neck
>She drops to the ground with a gasp and just lies there shaking
>I start screaming, stamping my feet and turtleheading
>She pushes past me on the way to her room
>Yell "OW BITCH YOU HURT ME!" and start crying
>She ignores me, locks herself in the room
>I follow her, still crying, stand outside her door and start kicking it, chanting "YOU DON'T LOVE ME MOMMY YOU DON'T LOVE YOUR GOOD LITTLE BOY"
>She begs me to leave her alone
>I tell her I'm hungry and she's starving me and if she doesn't get me some tendies right fucking now i'll report her for child abuse
>She tells me dinner is on the table
>It's fucking broccoli and meatloaf and shit
>Start pounding on her door and demanding the tendies I am owed
>Eventually get tired, bitch isn't responding, curl up on the floor outside her door and fall asleep to the sound of her quietly sobbing on the other side
>Wake up in my own bed, tucked in, a note on my lamp:
>"Sweetie, you made yourself sick and messed yourself, so I changed you and bathed you while you were asleep, I hope you don't mind. I'm sorry. I love you, you're my special little guy. Don't ever stop being my little boy, honey. I'll love you forever. Please forgive me."
>Plate of tendies on my nightstand
tfw mummy really luvs her baby boy

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>be me, last night
>mom tells me we're going to a family event, wants me to come
>"it will be good for you to get out of the house, anon"
>"fuck off slut" (im in the middle of minecraft building)
>she UNPLUGS MY COMPUTER, i freak out
>dad comes down and yells, mom is in tears
>im infuriated, facing the other way, but mutter obligation, feeling crafty in order to spite my normie parents
>i shower, brush teeth, and get dressed in normie clothes (jeans, sketchers, and white shirt)
>come upstairs, mom promises tendies, things start looking brighter
>we arrive, people try to greet me and say "its nice to see me"
>typical american slave families all around, i scoff to myself and acknowledge no one
>we sit down, scan through the menus
>only shit-tier food: lobster, crab, grilled chicken pastas and steak
>fuck this, ask mom wheres the tendies
>she says that they dont have any
>says I'll get tendies next week if I behave myself tonight
>the gall!
>lying bitch, i become infuriated
>i throw my menu and stand up, knock over my chair and my water glass (i had asked for mountain dew)
>"REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" I shout loudly in the middle of the busy restaurant
>all normies shocked, i feel a rush of adrenaline
>decide to HULK THE FUCK OUT
>ANON SMASH
>try to tear apart shirt, doesnt work
>oh well
>storm out of restaurant with pride
>mom and dad come out, mom is crying and dad is fuming
>mission accomplished
>silent drive home as i snicker to myself in the back seat
>now enjoying a nice sunday afternoon on /b/ and basking in my accomplishment.
>mfw

Good boy

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>mom giving me lift to college
>my birthday is on saturday which sucks because it means I wont get a day off studying for mommy's special little guys attention day
>start screaming that it's my birthday TODAY
>mom doesn't even try, simply does a u-turn and drives towards home
>pissed off she even woke me up for this, on my birthday of all things
>piss my pants and wet the seat screaming for my birthday cake
>mom starts crying
>it's a sign she'll give in
>"ANON YOU'RE 24 FUCKING YEARS OLD YOUR BIRTHDAY IS NOT UNTIL SATURDAY IT'S TIME YOU FU-"
>baby doesn't like being yelled at
>and baby needs burping
>"burp me or I'll fucking vomit"
>"NO THIS HAS GONE TOO F-"
>stick my fingers down my throat and vomit all over the steering wheel, her hands and her lap
>"baby is all empty and ready for his cake mommy", I said through a smug little shit-eating grin
>mom gives up and drives to the cake store
>I scream "DONATELLO LEONARDO RAPH-
>she cuts me off and tells me to shutup and wait in the fucking car while she gets me my special ninja turtle cake
>well mom, baby doesn't like being told off, so baby is gonna shit his fucking pants
>She came back to the car, saw the mess baby had done all over the seats and broke down crying
>I politely asked for my birthday cake, and started shoving and stuffing my fat faggot face with it
>"Oh by the way mom, this doesn't mean you're off the hook. I still expect a real birthday cake on Saturday."
>I finished about half the cake, most of it just smeared around my mouth and face, huge chunks melting and crumbing all over my lap
>just to teach that bitch a lesson I smeared the rest all over the inside of the windscreen. that will teach her not to fuck with me
>she wiped away just a little hole to see through and cried all the way home
>"it's baby's birthday, and baby doesn't want to walk"
>and baby needs changing

>>684467274
Best thread I've seen in weeks.

>>684467274
Sounds like you and OP are two peas in a pod.

>>684435728
Fucking newfag lmfao

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>be me, a sweet healthy 30 year old baby boy
>roll out of my bed and scurry to my wall where my GBP chart indicates that today is tendies day.
>with a full diaper I run to my mummy's room
>MUMMY MUMMY! I WANT CHICKEN TENDIES! CHICKEN TENDIES NOW NOW NOW NOW!!!
>the fucking bulldyke has the nerve to say "but anon, it's 3am. i can't drive when its this late; the dr said my vision is failing"
>fucking bullshit. i rip my diaper off and start to screech REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
>start spinning my diaper around above my head; its now a shower of yellow and greenish brown
>mummy finally says ok.
>she drives off to kfc while i stay comfy in my blankie
>fucking blind bitch crashed her fucking car.
>there are no tendies today.

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bump

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>4 am, right in the middle of my 5 nights at freddy's session
>suddenly my pee pee feels funny and tickles from the inside
>"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYYY"
>she doesn't respond, she's been eating a lot of sleep-candies since when second daddi left (she promised she'll share with me soon enough yay! )
>i'm forced to waddle out of my 80 GBP gaming chair and go in her room while screaming "PEEEEEE PPEEEEEEEEEEEE FIZZY MUMMY HELP BABYYY GUU"
>the stress of this causes my belly to relax and I let out a steaming brown tendy-log in my XXL diapey - i'm mummys big baby boy, she always says that :)
>i plop down in her bed while she looks at me in horror and disgust
>"mummy my pee pee feels tickly, need pee pee funny dance"
> tears are falling on her cheeks, she closes her eyes and starts taking my diaper off
>the smell of fresh tendy-log and 2 days old diarrhea smeared on my hairy asscheeks makes her gag
> i let out a teehee while saying "mummy belly burp!"
>then, while sobbing, she grabs my pee pee stick and starts going up and down
>my smegma crusted foreskin hardly retreats while tear drops fall on my belly
>i let out my funny-happy milk on her hand "OOHUUHHHHHHU PEE PEE IS GLAD, I MADE IT FOR MUMMYY"
> "you're my special little baby boy, thank you for your gift to mommy" says her, while becoming red in face from happiness
>mummy grabs orange bottle from nightstand and rewards herself extra-helping of sleep candies, teehee she deserves it!
> i leave her room and the diaper on her bed and go back to my gaming session
> the next day she's still tired and sleeping on her bed
i wonder when she'll wake up, maybe she's preparing a surprise for babby boy gu? so many GBP await me for not waking her up!!

>>684469690
Damn if you visualise this its pretty sad

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BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPP

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>>684469690

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>Recoding a let's play of me building a 200x200 pikachu in minecraft complete with genetalia
>Realize I'm starving. Literally starving.
>MOM
>No answer.
>Yell MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM for what feels like fucking hours.
>Sick of this shit, I call her phone over and over again.
>She finally answers, it sounds like the bitch was half asleep.
>Already annoyed, I snap "Mom I'm hungy."
>"Isn't there anything in your minifridge, honey? I have to be at work in two hours."
>After a moment of tense silence, she realizes her mistake.
>"I'm sorry sweetie pie I'll bring you something."
>"Finally. Jesus Christ," I say, my rage staring to subside.
>Go back to minecraft. I'm starting work on the detailed penis. I'm using wool blocks to make the cum. :3
>After like two fucking hours my mom FINALLY comes in and sets a tray down in front of me, apologizing for not hearing me earlier.
>And what is on the tray, you might ask? A pizza and a glass of water. A fucking frozen pizza. And not one of the good ones, but the fucking six inch HEALTHY piece of shit.
>I glare at her and start slowly pushing it onto the floor.
>"Please don't, baby. We don't have anymore tendies. I'm sorry. Please," she begs, tearing up.
>Tray falls on floor, water falls on my dehumidifier and shorts it out.
>thiswasthefinalstraw.png
>I start screaming at her and flailing my arms and kicking my legs, knocking over my open piss jug.
>She starts crying and hugs me.
>I scratch and bite her as she silently sobs, holding me down.
>"I'll go get you your tendies, sweetie! I'm so sorry, I should have picked up more yesterday!"
>I calm down and go back to crafting my pikachu penis.
>Hear her sobbing as the front door close.
Bitch was lucky walmart is open at 4AM.

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>2am. Hungry
>Grab my bitch summoning stick. Bang it on the wall until Mommy arrives
>She takes ages to arrives. She's pregnant from some Chad who then dumped her
>Tell her I'm hungry and want to go to Burger King
>"No Anon, it's late. I have to work tomorrow
>Tell her it's no wonder Chad left after knocking her up and if she's not nicer to her Good Boy, he'll leave her too.
> Her eyes well up and she drives me to Burger King.
>I get a kid's meal and play with my toys for a while.
>Tell Mommy I want to be the Burger King and to get me a cardboard BK crown.
>She asks the manager but he says they're all out.
>I start screeching REEEEEEEE but Mommy says there's nothing she can do as there's no other Burger King's open at this hour.
>She drives me home. I sulk and watch Kung Fu Panda.
>I get an idea. I hide behind the couch and call Mommy into the room.
> When she arrives I kung fu chop her in the belly
>She rolls around on the ground, crying that she thinks I've hurt the baby.
>I pour my piss jug on her head and demand she apologises for not making me the Burger King and tells me I'm the best at Kung Fu.
>She keeps sobbing so I lock her in the cupboard until she learns her lesson.
>Fucking normies.

These stories are so fucking disgusting how the fuck can you stand living like this with a mother who doesn't regularly cater to your tendie needs?

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>lay in bed all day playing Wii U
>tummy starts to grumble
>realize I haven't eaten in two hours
>too fat and lazy to get out of bed
>raise my 150 lbs grease coated arm as a half devoured tendie escapes the endless rolls of flesh on my side
>bang on wall 3 times to summon mommy
>mommy walks in, looking annoyed and tired
>"its 11pm anon what do you want?"
>open mouth to let out all of the revolting gases that have amassed in my guts after months of digesting tendies.
>mommy turns away from me and holds her mouth, vomiting in her hand.
>MAKE ME TENDIES NOW REEEEEEEEEE!
>mommy bursts into tears and runs downstairs, remembering what I did to her the last time she didn't make tendies for her good boy
>a few minutes later mommy comes upstairs with a fresh batch of tendies
>feels good man
>mom slowly approached the bed and apprehensively reaches out plate
>"h-here are y-your tendies anon, y-youre a good boy"
>swipe the plate away from her
>open mouth again to reveal all my yellow, decaying teeth, harboring all forms of bacteria and fungi.
>mommy vomits all over me!
>vomit is absorbed by the tides of fat that seem to endlessly fold all over my sickening excuse of a body
>causes a displacement of matter inside the rolls, making age-old tendies float to the top of the vomit-sea inside each roll of fat
>wipe off mold that has grown on the old tendies and throw them on the plate
>mfw I have more tendies
>mfw mommy called me a good boy
>mfw doesn't even charge GBP anymore

Feels
Fucking
Good
Man