I self medicate with poppy seed tea sometimes, like right now. 24 hours of morphine. Terribly addictive though, definitely one of the poorer choices I've made.

>>684049673
also therapy, therapy is tremendously helpful.

>>684049425
OP here. I've been diagnosed with chronic depression/anhedonia and have been this way for about 10 years now. I'm not suicidal, so until now I've avoided drugs because I felt this was not a cure and instead would only treat my symptoms and get my body hooked and eventually ruined. Now I'm at a point where I would turn to drugs to get a little joy out of life rather than stay this way until I die and have lived for nothing.

>>684050178
I know it is (I'm a psychologist and a medical student), but my father and grandfather were treated (both bipolar) and I'd hate to go down that track. It's horrible.

I would suggest doing physical activity

>>684049425
Lurking

>>684049673
i just went through WD the past four days on poppy seed tea. just got a bag of kratom in the mail earlier today so id stop shitting myself and the abdominal pain to go away. that shit made me more depressed than i was.

>>684049673
So you wouldn't recommend this? Or worth it?

Brintellix fixed me

>>684050687
Thanks for the suggestion but I'm beyond the point where this is a legit option. Too depressed/sick/fatigued to engage in that. I desperately want to and even got around to making an exercise routine/diet for the gym, but I physically can't do it. Walks around the park is about as far as it goes.

>>684051218
Same here, tried it so many times

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>>684049673
Has it improved your quality of/outlook on life though?

>>684051218
>>684051329
I feel you. I wonder if there are other, less demanding activities that have similar benefits like the release of endorphins. Besides sex/fapping, which actually seems to make things slightly worse.

>>684050329
Yeah that's the way I use poppy seed tea. Just gives me a little joy every now and then. It's fucking terribly addictive though, but I don't regret making the decision to use.


>>684050913
I mean it gets the job done. When I feel it kick in, it feels like I just woke up from a bad dream because my life feels like one.

I totally don't recommend it for treating depression though; it's not worth the risk of even trying. Addiction is a monster.

>>684051419
Sometimes it makes me feel like I'm throwing my life away. I don't recommend it at all unless you think suicide is your only option. In my experience, therapy and diet/exercise have been the best at alleviating depression.


Also staying busy24/7 helps. I was workng 6 days a week and going to school. Leave the house around 7 in the morning, wouldn't get back til around 8 or 10. It was physically exhausting no doubt, but I felt ultra productive.

>>684051794
hugging someone or something like a teddy bear releases huge amounts of endorphins.

>>684051806
>therapy and diet/exercise have been the best at alleviating depression
>Also staying busy 24/7 helps. I was workng 6 days a week and going to school.

I'm glad this worked for you anon and I'd do the same in a heartbeat if it was possible for me. Unfortunately I can't do shit. I used to work, study, do sports, have a gf and a social life, but now I can hardly even get out of the house anymore, am flunking uni and I'm a huge burden to my gf.

What happens to us depressedfags who are beyond the point where exercise/diet is an option? Therapy and drugs?

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>>684052099
That's sweet. Wish I could hug you anon.

>>684052797

Diet and exercise is always an option; you just think it isn't. If exercising is wearing you out real fast and you're recovering real slow, then tone it down. Take baby steps, and if you have to then half a baby step, but you have to keep trying. Nobody ever went from homeless to rich business executive in a week, or even a year, so don't get discouraged. We weren't made to sit around all day doing nothing, we were engineered for greatness.

>>684051794
>fapping, which actually seems to make things slightly worse.
Yeah I've made the same observation, yet I fap 3-5 times per day since it's something different than the usual empty feeling for a while.

>>684052099
>hugging someone
True, been hugged some weeks ago and it helped quite a bit. There's no one in my daily life I could hug tho.

>>684052797
>Therapy and drugs?
As soon as I get healthcare insurance somehow I'll have to start therapy. Drugs (the recreational, illegal type) helped me quite a lot but I've overdone it as usual. MDMA helped me out of a hole for a long long time, but the thing is for that to help you can't take it alone but should do it with a friend..

>>684052797
Depressedfags haha im falling into depression i think also drugs made me a very anxyous person

>>684052797
>I'd do the same in a heartbeat if it was possible for me
Uh-uh, same. Then I got burnt out and lost everything. Had an own company, gf, very active social life and things were great, but I've overdone it and burnt out. Then came the cocaine and alcohol, and now I'm just lying around in bed all day and all night.

So weird to be physically unable to do stuff, like answer text messages or something. I actually still have friends who want to do stuff with me, but I can't. I have my phone on do not disturb al the freaking time, and get really guilty feelings when I look at all the unread notifications. But I can't even read them, let alone reply.

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>>684053893
>think also drugs made me a very anxyous person
Same, I get crippling anxiety so often nowadays. Not going outside makes that so much worse as well.

Can't even smoke weed anymore without anxiety attacks, guess I've just fried my brain. Who could've known that not sleeping for over 11 days in a row (usually a week sleep deprived) could do such a thing. Silly me. The auditory hallucinations definitely don't help. Wish I had some medical insurance so I could go to a shrink.

>>684053574
I can relate to the letter. I'd hug you if I could.

I'm lucky I have a gf that I can hug, but tbh you get a bit used to it. She makes a huge difference though, so I don't take it for granted. I'd be 10x more depressed without her.

>>684049425
Try mushrooms

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>>684054375
>I'd hug you if I could.
Thanks anon, I'd hug you as well. That's the huge downside of the Internet. The chance that we'd actually do that are next to none, but it's nice feeling hugged even through a screen.

>>684054375
>She makes a huge difference though, so I don't take it for granted.
Totally yeah, lost mine 3 years ago and got way way worse after that. We were together for over 12 years but I don't blame her. Who would want to be together with someone who does nothing, ever, after all

>>684053945
I feel you. How did we go from social beings to having anxiety over answering the goddamn phone or responding to people? I actually still pretend to most of my friends that I'm still living the life I was, but that I got more busy instead of lying in bed all day.

Does anyone also get a heavy head with headaches/nausea/fogginess alongside the fatigue when trying to get up and move? After I did the groceries I feel like I worked an entire day.

I'm not as seriously afflicted but I'm a productive stoner work full time smoke at nights. On day two of my break and the anger issues have been rising up and the depression is changing its flavor because rather than the foggy sedated depression of monotony to now the painful realization of my life going in circles. I've turned back to my passion of playing guitar and singing but I know that'll lead me down an even darker path even if it saves me from mediocrity.

>>684055125
>That's the huge downside of the Internet. The chance that we'd actually do that are next to none
Well I meant the downside of the internet is that we would hug each other but can't because we likely live bezillions of miles away from each other and other depressedfags as well. The upside is that we can even have such a discussion. I seriously wouldn't know what to do without the Internet, it keeps me sane in a way

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>>684055601
Die instantly

>>684055450
>>684055450
This is gonna sound gay as fuck but the connection I feel to you anons is the reason I made this thread. Granted it doesn't change a thing and might even enable my habit of staying in bed slightly, but knowing I'm not alone in this works wonders for my mental stability.

We should make an IRC or some shit.

>>684055285
I dont know, i sometimes feel like a brain fog or something like that dont know how to explain

>>684055285
>How did we go from social beings to having anxiety over answering the goddamn phone or responding to people?
It's ridiculous. Worst of all most people don't understand that at all, at least in my case it's like that. I feel like I'm a bad friend since I don't pick up the phone, and it's making me feel guilty as fuck. But I can't change that, and even among my friends only one really understands what's up.

>>684055285
>I actually still pretend to most of my friends that I'm still living the life I was
Yeah in my case most believe I'm busy travelling and stuff, the only time I go outside is to buy groceries so I don't randomly see them usually.

>>684055285
>Does anyone also get a heavy head [...]
Yep I do get that as well, I get lightheaded and all that even when I go to the toilet and stuff. Huge blood pressure fluctuations, and I think in my case most of that is because my body isn't
used to any load anymore. I almost faint when going up stairs. Some training could make that better I guess, but for that I'd need to get out of bed..

>>684055361
>foggy sedated depression of monotony to now the painful realization of my life going in circles
I kinda go back and forth these as well, what do you think is worse tho?

Vodka

>>684055601
Get a gf.

A new gf could make me passionate again. Instantly dying would be possible later still, but at least I'd tried with a grill

>>684054364
Yeah dont sleep is very bad, the thing for me when something like that happened to me was going back to sleep, but i recovered from that but now i have this thing of the anxiety that is killing and depressing me

Bipolar fag here. I know people have already suggested therapy, and I know you mentioned not having health insurance. However therapy works differently than your doctors office when it comes to paying for it. Now it varies from office to office but many work on a sliding scale that can lower the cost based upon how much you make and whether or not you have insurance. When I lost my job and no longer had insurance I nearly did kill myself but that is when I found out about this. I paid nothing until I got another job and insurance, even the drugs they prescribed were provided for me (six months worth to help so I could save up money once I started a new job). Now you might not have the same experience but it's worth the time to see what options they have for you. At the very least you may get reduced cost.

>>684056402
Are you me? Or is our "condition" just not that strange and hard to grasp after all? It makes no sense that there is such a stigma attached to depression/burnout and other mental health problems. And yet I do play into that by thinking that as a confident man I shouldn't seek help for "head problems" and actually allow myself to be guilttripped by people/society if they see me as lazy.

>>684049425
went through ssri's with limited results
Welbutrin helped for a little while but i grew tolerant.
Doc put me on liothyronine a couple weeks ago. . sucidal thoughts are almost completely gone. pretty cray

>>684056129
Doesn't sound gay at all I think, where if not on /b/ people like us can get together. Just talking to anons helps already. I'm actually used to decent discussion on /b/ since I'm a furfag (yeah yeah, furries, cancer, I know) and lots of them are in the same boat as we are. More or less.

I should come to these threads more often.

>Granted it doesn't change a thing
It does, for lots of us this is the only connection we have.

>but knowing I'm not alone in this works wonders for my mental stability.
Same for me, totally.

>We should make an IRC or some shit.
I'd be up to actually

>>684056645
Tried that, makes it way worse after a while. (Can help in the beginning tho. Makes you an alcohol too, sou not recommended)

>>684056953
Thanks, I'll look into it. Or rather, I'll ask my gf to look into it cause I I'll only procrastinate. I'm a parasite.

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>>684056915
>when something like that happened to me was going back to sleep, but i recovered from that
Yeah this, that's why I did it over and over again completely ignoring all the warnings. Things got better, the auditory hallucinations only come back with bad anxiety or when I take drugs (again, ignoring all warnings). But the crippling anxiety stayed, and I don't think it'll go away, ever.

Don't overdo drugs kids..

I just mixed 20mg 2C-I with 50mg Seroquel, snorted half of it.

I'll try to keep OP updated on the outcome.

I just might find a cure for not being depressed, albeit temporarily.

>>684057649
This. Talking, even to random anons helps, I've never felt worse than when I shut myself out from talking to anybody for two months. Always keep talking, and with this fucked up little corner of the internet you'll find many who have and are going through the same shit.

>>684056953
Germanfag here, thanks for the advice but that won't work here. If you don't have insurance you don't exist for things like that. They won't let you die when you go to a hospital but they won't treat any psycho stuff if you're not batshit insane and need to go into a closed facility.

I've fallen through their social grid, I have nothing and I can be truly happy that I get money from somewhere (not the state). That won't be forever tho, so I maybe have to go to some social workers and stuff to get insurance. Sounds easy, probably is, but I can't do it right now

>>684057649
Would you actually be willing to post any means of contact here so we could possibly set this up?

In any case, keep on the lookout for "Depressedfags" threads from now on. I'll keep making these once in a while. This is a very strange time for me though, 7AM. But I just lie in bed all day anyway ;)

>>684058481
Have fun anon, keep us posted!

>>684058596
That's my biggest problem too, I typically know what I need to do and I know it's probably really easy but I convince myself it's not worth it or find some other excuse.

>>684059027
Yep that's the lack of motivation I experience as well.

I make plans for all kinds of things, but I can't even begin to execute them. Forget babysteps. Nothing.

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>>684058826
well, as of now I'm feeling relaxed, like the seroquel is overpowering the psychedelics, i'm gonna go out and have a beer and a cigarette.

my fingers can barely find the rights keys. I need constant visual focus to type this.

it's fun, though.

>>684058596
Same issue here in the Netherlands.

Actually there are probably lots of things I could try, but I can't get myself to look it up let alone make appointments. Anxiety, lack of motivation, etc.

>>684058486
Basically all of that yeah, it being the fucked up place it is makes it easier to find likeminded anons. However bad one may feel, there's probably someone around who can relate.

>>684059472
Neat!

>>684059027
look up Andrew Solomon's TED Talk about depression. So accurate, and very entertaining.

''One of the things that often get lost in discussions of depression is that you know it’s ridiculous […] and yet, you’re nonetheless in its grip and you are unable to figure out any way around it.''

''The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality.''

>>684058771
>Would you actually be willing to post any means of contact here so we could possibly set this up?
Yeah, I can give you the mail address I use with my fur things: [email protected]

I like IRC lots so I'd totally be up for that

>In any case, keep on the lookout for "Depressedfags"
Will do.

>>684058771
>This is a very strange time for me though, 7AM.
Timezonebro, same for me. I don't know when I'll pop by, usually I'm awake during the night but yeah.. Random.

>But I just lie in bed all day anyway ;)
That's the thing! I'd love to live the NEET life if I didn't have all the psych issues I have. Life could be good, and it sucks that I know that basically I'm doing that to myself

>>684059844
Nice 1

>>684059844
About the vitality, thats very true

>>684058481
Psychedelics with antipsychotics?

>>684058826
snorted the rest of it, mixing more right now.
I can't believe how soothing it feels. I wanna hug all of /b/ and sleep comfortably.

>>684059610
>Netherlands
Yay Netherlands, my favorite country. I go there sometimes.

>let alone make appointments.
Yeah that's downright impossible. I hate telling people who don't have that problem about it, they react really weird. They think it's just laziness, tho it has nothing to do with laziness

>>684059844
Thanks for the tip, that sounds on point

>>684060438
Aww, feel hugged as well anon!

>>684060261
Isn't it?
My problem isn't not having fun, or not being able to joke around.

I just can't seem to.. ''project'' myself in the future, you know? Setting myself goals and striving to achieve and surpass them.
All I want right now is to let things go, and that raises a question, and a fundamental one in my opinion : ''Do I keep doing this, is this enough to justify being alive?''

>>684060870
thanks, friend

>>684060148
>Yeah, I can give you the mail address I use with my fur things. I like IRC lots so I'd totally be up for that.
Awesome! If you don't receive anything, please don't think anything of it. I procrastinate literally everything and even mailing you would take a lot mentally. Don't know why exactly cause we're talking now, but maybe it feels more personal somehow.

>I'd love to live the NEET life if I didn't have all the psych issues I have. Life could be good
How do you feel your psych issues are holding you back in that? Wouldn't you be able to enjoy it or are there other reasons?

So theres this game that Ive played for 10 years. Put 10 years of practice into it. Always created new accounts because of my OCD so im not known on it. But I always wanted to become a top player so I practiced and practiced and practiced. And I still suck. Its the only game Ive ever could bare to play. But I suck at it. Its sad. I know. But its so fucked up because Ive never put so much effort into something and no results.

Question for the people taking anti-anxiety or anti-psychotic and anti-depression (or whatever all that shit's called, SSRIs and all that). Do you get real bad nightmares and generally bad quality of sleep?

I don't really want to take medication but I feel like I can't avoid it forever, but things like that sound real offputting. I had enough terrifying nights when I had stimulant psychosis, took years to get better and I still have some time to time. Any experiences on that?

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>>684058481
update)
shits getting wierd

>>684060569
Exactly! My parents have a hard time understanding this as well, so I'm a big disappointment to them. Wasted potential.

Are you the furfag btw?

>>684060905
Yeah that also happens to me, I not finish anything I start but I still believe that everytime that rains the rain sometime stops

>>684058481
>snorting seroquel.
the bioavailibility is already 100 percent when you eat it. just chew it up and take at least 300mg. 50mg is very weak dose. chewing it or parachuting it will have it hit you faster if you cant wait 40 minutes for it kick in.

>>684061425
>even mailing you would take a lot mentally
Yeah same for me, simply going to my inbox is quite difficult for me already. A bit like never checking my phone, even tho I've never met the people on here or anyone who has that address.

And then if I don't check it regularly it gets more and more difficult to check it at all, like I fear feeling guilty for not replying to somebody who might have written something. And then I don't reply at all and I can't even look at the inbox.

So don't feel offended as well, but we'll meet on these threads anyway in the future. Never actively looked for them even tho I'm on 4chan for many years.


>Don't know why exactly cause we're talking now
For me threads on here for me are the easiest way of communication. I'm on /b/ already, maybe I wanted to fap or just procrastinate on here so it comes natural to reply to some thread. But writing a mail is a whole different environment and different story

>>684061672
Each drug will effect people differently. I take fetzima (an SNRI, SSRI's made my anxiety go through the roof) and lamictal (mood stabilizer for bipolar) when I started lamictal I started dreaming, previously I hadn't dreamed in years. Now no terrible nightmares, but it did effect my sleep. It's important to report any side effects so your doctor can ease you off of them and find one that is more appropriate.

>>684056129
You'll never be alone anon, there's tons of people on the web who can relate to you. Not just here but on other websites like reddit as well. You're not as unique as you think, we're all a lot more similar than we'd like to admit :)

>>684061921
Weird in what way, can you describe it? If it's very intense visuals putting a light on always helped me getting a grasp of reality again.

>>684061529
Which game anon?

And I have had the same thing with a diff game (halo), only 7 years. I still play a lot to keep my mind off things, just not that game.

>>684061672
My educated opinion is that you should avoid SSRIs for depression and anxiety. Psychosis is a wide spectrum of disorder and I don't know much about it. Psychoactive clinical drugs usually do more harm than good in the majority of situations. They are based on really primitive mechanisms compared to what actually happens in your brain, it's like using a hammer to fix a fine watch.

I smoke weed thats my medicine

>>684061939
>big disappointment to them. Wasted potential.
Yeah that, also I've disappointed so many people in projects and various organisations where I was active. They never get why I suddenly vanished.

>Are you the furfag btw?
Yeah

>>684062356
thanks for the tips anon.
but it's not SeroquelXR, just seroquel.

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>>684062724
Fun kind of weird.
The usual fractal 2C visuals are there; lights seem to be glowing in a geometrical fashion, and fabrics feel very abrasive. But i couldn't care less, it just all falls right into place

>>684052099
speaking of this
I went to a strip club
after feeling up a stripper for a while I felt great for a few days
it has a surprising effect

>>684061672
>>684061672
I take a drug called luvox and taken also clonazepam but i think i was becoming addict to the clonazepam so i leave it and also i was told that it isnt good, i think it slightly affect my dream

>>684062593
>>684062843
Thx for the insight! Yeah I really want to avoid any of these prescribed drugs if I somehow can. Hope I can.


If not I have to go through all that testing of different substances and also inform myself way way better. I know that I don't want to take MAOIs since, foolish as I am, I want to still be able to take MDMA and maybe other drugs from time to time on special occasion. MAOIs are a deadly combination with lots of things. (MDMA made me lots lots better, while other drugs seem risky in my case.)

>>684063476
Noice! I like the 2c family of things, but never tried 2c-I. You're not the anon from the drug thread earlier by any chance?