lmao "hanging on the monkey bars". Thanks for the laugh

>>683386484
whats funny about monkey bars?

>>683386824
The fact that I haven't even thought about monkey bars in the past 10 years, that's some shit you do in middle school lol

>>683387404
monkey bars are life

>>683387404
Not even middle school really, but definitely not high school

>>683387755
>>683387404
It wasn't technically monkey bars, I just don't know what they're called. It was just two bars that I think gymnasts use.

>>683388215
You don't need to defend yourself bro, we get the picture. Embarassing stories though hmm. This one time a girl was blowing me and she threw up. I got turkey sandwhich all over my junk. Probably more embarrassing for her tho.

>>683385304
>high school
>hanging from monkey bars
Kek

>>683389427
topkek is this what you looked like OP?

>>683388793
disgusting

>>683390166
but a good story none the less. Now you share one

>>683390474
bump

>>683385304
Disgusting pic, OP. This guy has probably never wiped in his life. As a solution to your depantsing problem, I would suggest wearing tighter pants like jeans. Don't be a nigger about it though, sagging is bad.

>>683389427
This does not truly represent reality. If this were real, they would probably be drunk. Even if they were all gay AF, it would still be pretty wierd if he took the spedo off in that situation and looked at it like that. Overall I rate this a 2.3/10 for bad story and bad realism

>>683392745
Well it was a few years ago. I'm 18 now and I do sag but not enough for my pants to fall down alone.

>>683393270
And why is it you sag? Did you have a father growing up?

>>683393388
idk it's comfortable and it's a habit

Back in high school I took Japanese like a total weeb.
While presenting I said bukake instead of bukai in front of about 40 people.

>>683393600
People, such as myself, will look at you with disdain when you sag. You look like a trashy thug when you do it, one who does not know how to properly dress.

>>683393270
Post a pic, OP.

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>be me
>be 5
>biggest kid in class beat me up for some reason I forget
>think about plan to get revenge on him
>go home
>get molested by step dad once a week until age 9
>mfw

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>At party
>high and drunk
>buddy and I go to kitchen
>no food, only sliced bread
>buddy asks if we should eat bread
>mfw
>take loaf of bread, start ravenously eating it
>Bread crust falls into drink
>walk around next hour with bread crust in drink
>too paranoid to remove it
>standing still, trying to stay alive
>Girl starts talking to me
>can barely speak
>"Anon, what's that in your drink?"
>big piece of crust still floating in drink
>"little snack"
>take soggy, wet bread out and eat it in front of her
>she walks away

>>683394134
M'lady

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>2nd grade
>subsitute teacher that day
>really need to take a piss
>teacher being a faggot as usual and doesn't notice my hand
>piss myself
>had to walk like a penguin for the rest of class
>smelled like piss
>worst day of school

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>>683394671
>little snack
Lost it

>>683395321
sauce?

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>>683394134
>>683394463
I don't think it's a big deal. This is around the lowest I go now.

>>683389427
I was on the swim team in high school. There were only 4 guys on the team, and we we really didn't horseplay like this around each other, but we all had an understanding that the girls loved it when we had boners so we'd be swimming with boners at every practice. The problem though is having boners at swim meets, where parents can obviously see our dicks bulging out of our speedos. Great times.

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>>683385304
my girl caught while need to take a piss.

>>683387721
I was always too fat to enjoy the monkey bars

>>683396194

haha faggot, have fun in the sand box

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>>683395879

>be 23
>still keep in touch with girl I've been "saving myself" for since we were 14
>still convinced I have a shot
>have asked her to be my gf several times, probably around once every 2-3 months
>always "no, stop asking, we're just friends"
>start to think maybe she just doesn't date and wants something more serious
>start going to church with her and her family, act really into it/devout like them
>after a few months, invite her out to dinner at fancy place
>spend around 5000 on a ring
>do extremely awkward/elaborate proposal after the dinner
>she storms out, takes a cab home
>pay bill, sell the ring to a pawn shop, go home and get fucked up on liquor
>start calling her at around 1am crying etc begging her to say yes
>wake up, see that i called her over 20 times until i passed out at around 4am, many more cringey texts
>get a text from her the following afternoon, told me she went to the cops with the phone logs and is getting a restraining order

I never tried talking to her again and I still have never been in a relationship or even gone on a real date at 31, so really my most embarassing moment is my entire life.

>>683385304

>happened today
>be me 30yo ausfag
>gf in my house while im at work
>"anon why is there videos of a girl taking a piss, on your gopro?"

>creep stash = located
>maximum panic reached.....

>me "thats odd - i think my bro borrowed it last"

>i can tell she isn't buying it
>"are you lying to me anon??"

>me "no baby plz"

>her "i need some time to process this"

Today was the pits.

>>683396404
At 8 I was 138 lbs. I could barely walk let alone actually jump high enough. I'd probably bend the fuck out of steel with how repulsive I looked.

>>683397173
nothing to do but stick to your story I guess. It's a very unbelievable one but maybe she'll just drop it.

>>683396940
Ive read some cringey shit in my time but jesus fucking christ. that was just pathetic.


Ive never said this to someone without it being a meme but seriously kill yourself my man.

>>683385304
you got to greentext that or ;dr , recently called ""meme arrows"

>>683395916
nice view

>>683396940
jesus christ man. life didn't turn out like childhood friend manga hentai after all.

>>683385304
>be me
>budding fetishist
>playing around, put on diaper, tie self to bed
>get stuck
>home alone, freaking out, have accident in diaper
>sister comes home
>with friends
>they laugh, call me a freak, ask me if i need to be changed because the diaper is clearly wet.
>they all take pics and videos of it
>finally untie me after about an hour of torment
>sister blackmailed me for months afterward and all her friends referred to me a baby, or diaperboy when we were alone
>sister still mocks me about it to this day

>>683397455
the worst part to me is how in denial I was about the whole thing. Like she'd always be posting these pictures with guys that she was clearly dating/banging when she was off at college, but I just told myself "they must be just friends, she really wants me/is still a virgin too"

>>683395832
hot! post face and nudes

>be me
>today came to /thread
>was full of faggets
>on OC
>not even copypasta
>no images on imageboar
was the most embarancement I ever felt outside cringe thread and life in general

>>683397455
this my dude

>Be socially awkward freshman in high school
>have huge crush on girl I had gym with
>Ask a friend who knows about her on day in class
>he yells "HEY GIRLSNAME THIS GUY WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT YOU"
>Go out of my way to avoid her for the rest of highschool
>Fuck you Nelson

>be me
>16
>parents leave house for the day
>homealone.jpg
>start my routine
>30 minutes later
>door swings open
>oh fuck not alone
>my sister standing there looking at me
>can't even speak
>what are you doing, anon?
>n-nothing, what are you doing?
>come here
>I walk towards her
>follow her into her room
>take my shirt off, anon
>o-kay
>slowly remove shirt
>my pants too, please
>unbuttons pants
>struggling to remove pants, boner starts quivering
>faster, anon please! I don't have all day
>start fumbling pulling at pant legs
>take my bra off and set it on the bed
>as i remove the bra I'm nervously waiting for the final piece of clothing to be removed, not knowing what will happen next
>boner at full capacity
>you look like you're enjoying this, anon. Do you like this?
>stillcantspeak.wav
>the words I knew that were eventually coming finally came.
>take off my panties
>maximum boner achieved
>standing there not knowing whats going to come next I'm practically terrified
>she comes closer to me
>she calmly but firmly says
>get the fuck out of my room and if I ever catch you wearing my fucking clothes again I'm gonna fucking kill you

I sat at the toilet stall at lunch in hs, someone finally noticed and were all making fu. Of me behind my back. Sad part is they always said hi to me but i was always too pussy to stand. For myself. That's the same with bullies, they had a sort of love/hate relationship with me.

>>683397877
seriously consider ending your life.
im not joking.

>>683398792
fuck you

>>683398327
lol. your friend is a legend

>>683396940
Something doesn't work for you, get help, you can go out kiss and fuck other women even if you love her

>>683398403
Degenerate faggot, you deserved that.

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>>683395916
Gross..

Girls should not piss or take shits, that's only for man.

>>683398403
So you were cross dressing in your sisters clothes and she freaked out in you and humiliated you?

I got a doozie

>me about 2 months ago
>watching trailer park boys
>bubbles shed get infested with crabs
>me "hmm, I didn't know crabs were that big"
>Google pubic crabs, also pubic crabs treatment
huhinteresting.GIF
>at work next day, 7/10 milf comes in
>needs help with her cell iPhone
>she asks what phone I use, so I show her my Android.

>>683399143
thats the jist of it..

>>683385304
How did you get over it? Did you realize it's just your penis? Are you ashamed of your penis? You must be uncut

>>683398403
you're a little faggot arent you?

you like wearing dresses an make up you fucking fruitcake?

>>683399220
Oh god

>>683399339
Do you still cross dress? Are you trans?

>>683399141
agreed

>>683390474
I had sex with your mom
THE SHAME!!

>be me, 21
>hanging out with a girl I'm into and her friends
>start with lunch at a mexican place, order something really spicy
>spend rest of the afternoon at the mall
>few hours later, start to feel a shit coming on
>they want to go to dinner too, figure I can probably hold it
>didn't want to use a public shitter because they'd know what I was doing from how long I'd be in there
>manage to make it through dinner
>she's driving us all home, I'm clenching my asshole as ha rd as I can
>only about 5 minutes from home, start to relax
>big mistake
>a little shit comes out but I seem to have held the majority back
>she starts sniffing
>start panicking and say we must have driven by roadkill or something
>the talking distracts me from the clenching just enough
>unleash a massive wet shit into my pants
>it's dripping down my shorts legs, all over her seat
>she starts screaming "what the fuck"
>tells me to get out
> I have to call my mom to come get me

and that's how our friendship got ruined, as well as with every other friend she told about it. Just go to the bathroom people, having them know you just took a shit is embarassing but it's far better than standing on the side of the road coated with your own shit

>>683395321
I did the same thing, only replace piss with shit. Fucking teacher wouldn't let me go to the restroom. That happened in 3rd grade and I heard about it nearly once a week until graduation.

>>683385304
dude i pantsed a kid in like 95 that was hangin from monkey bars

>>683398880
why though? im not even saying it as an insult.

you were wearing a fucking diaper then ended up pissing/shitting yourself in it. to top it off you got caught.

that is legitimately autistic

>>683399220
>milf is asking questions like " what are the differences, how did you change the icons.." That kinda shit
>oh anon, what's that search bar at the top?
>"oh that's pretty cool actually, I can search Google right from my home screen"
>tap on search bar to show her
>automatically opens my search history
>Pubic crabs
>Pubic crabs treatment
Mortified.JPEG
I was holding my phone in a way that I was directly showing her and she must have seen it, because she looked at me with the most disgusted look.
I was fucking speechless. I started to try and laugh it off and explain the trailer park boys scene and how it lead to me simply being curious and reading bout crabs, but the damage was done.

>>683395357
Uncanny

>>683399595
>>683399672
its a joke...

>>683399819
wow you're autistic. everyone has to use the bathroom, just go to the bathroom.

I once jerked off in the school bathroom, but because of my autism i didn't know that there was an after fap hue to my skin and a smell. Kill me.

>>683399970
Mike?

>>683400312
>after fap hue
fucking dying over here

>>683400312
Wait, what smell?

>>683400312
you're supposed to wipe the cum that gets on you off friend

>>683400428
I actually had a little bit of seme. On my hand that i didn't notice, it got hard and crusty quick and the smell was very noticeable.

>>683399141
are you 5?

Family trip to amusement park, I was on one of them two people water rides where you sit on rubber tire looking thing with a person between your legs, so me and my cousin about 25 so 9 years older than me at the time went on it together quite a few times because queue was short. Any way on the first time down I had the thought that her ass was basically touching my dick so I got a boner, I know it was touching her which didn't help kill it and basically each time we went on it the thought got stronger and I took opportunities to rub my dick on her ass/back and when I got off the ride id tuck my boner up. On the third time down I got a bit rough and came all in my swimming trunks and this time she felt the rubbing when we got off the rid she called me over to the side and asked what the hell that was so I panicked and told her all that happened and ran off saying I need to clean up when I came back well she wouldn't even make eye contact with me... and I'm pretty sure she told her sister because she makes pretty obvious jokes about it.

>>683400428
It smells like wet dirt after rain. A bit of ozone and fishy smell. Hard to pinpoint actually.

>>683400338
nope im anon.
but mike sounds cool

>>683398403
Older than dirt

>>683399992
A, I was younger and B, I was stuck. For a while. And already needed to go somewhat before I did it.

>>683400249
i know that, but I've always been uncomfortable shitting in public when out with friends, even guys, unless they've done it before first. I know it's retarded but whatever, it hasn't been a huge problem since.

My rat brother Dominic once gave me the ol' spicy keychain. So embarrassing.

>>683400797
i think you need to go to a doctor anon

>>683400740
>I panicked and told her all that happened
Of all the routes to have taken from that point, this has to be up there with the dumbest.

Maybe you were just going for the one in a thousand chance of wincest.

>>683400982
how could he do that to his own brother?

>>683399819
Oh god I'm so glad I'm not you

>>683399522
I got over it but it was embarrassing. Do you want to be naked against your will for people to look at you? Also I'm cut.

>>683400797
To me it smells like bleach

>>683401117
honestly the trip home with my mom was probably more embarassing than when it actually happened. Just having her drive silently and seeing her occasionally shake her head and asking if i need to see a psychiatrist after, how can this happen to an adult, etc.

>>683385304
What do oyou look like OP?

>>683395879
Shit dude is that true? I almost joined swim this year but schedule was really fucked up and wouldn't let me

>be me, hs sophmore fag

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>had this toy
>6 yrs old
>removable mask
>bright idea to put it on tip of my penis
>show my grandmother
>"look granny, i'm carnage"!
I'm so sorry grandma, it happened in 98 and i still think about it to this day.

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>>683401330
Like this.

>be me 18
>5am shift in meat dept
>Drank a bottle of sailor jerrys night before
>feel sick, try to fart
>Poop my pants and have to tell my boss whats up, just need to go home and change
>Get home and GF asks why you home already
>Hop in shower real fast, get out and hear gf talking to her mom on phone about how I pooped my pants
>Head back to work everyone in my dept knows i pooped pants
>eh who cares half of them are heroin addicts

>On PC playing Overwatch
>Mum comes in asking how my day was
>Looks at my bed and face turns to disgust
>Realize I left my pink 8" Dildo out

This was yesterday... I haven't left my bedroom since. Also, I'm a guy.

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Smoked weed with my friend who is a petite 8/10 qt3.14

We're in the woods

I have to shit

Go behind tree and take massive diarrhea dump

Use my socks to wipe

Pretty embarrassing but ended up fucking her months later

>>683401563
I had that toy too but never thought to show my grandma

>>683394671
Topkek.

>>683401339
underage b&

>>683401707
>>683395832
>>683385304

mmm I'd expose you in public too! show us that cock!

>grade 8
>this kinda ugly girl with really curly hair just dyed it period stain red
>she's also been allowed to start wearing make up
>literally looks like a clown
>i would always call her bozo
>the name sticks and she's picked on for the rest of her time in school.
>she's stuck working minimum wage at a coffee shop
>looks absolutely miserable
I'm so sorry Hannah, i ruined a decent girl's chance at a decent life.

>>683401047
Well that's the thing it was stupid, I think she thought I groped her but then I opened my fucking mouth. Also I used think about it before this happened but should have know there's no way a 25 year old would do anything with a 16 year old cousin.

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I was talking to a group of people about star wars and i mentioned how phantom menace was my favorite one, this was their faces

My first girlfriend was the worst

>be me, freshman fag at the time
>ugliest girl in the world I've ever seen thought I was cute
>was cleft, and had flattest nose ever
>dumber than a rock
>if it weren't for those things she'd be a pretty alright person
>start hanging out, thought she was really nice and had a good personality
>see past all the real bad shit about her
>ffw a month later, she's a total bitch to me and she broke up with me because I was talking to one of my close friends that was a girl

she had real big tits though, loved them. I tit fucked her once but it kinda hurt

Moral of the story: don't date mentally ill girls anons

Ig worth mentioning: she wanted to fight me later on because she's a crazy ass bitch, she dragged me off a seat in front of all my friends and people, I did nothing. Looking back I probably should've punched her in the face when she touched me

>>683402568
I would have just gone with it and played it smooth. You could have gotten a proper chance to fuck her in the ass. And also, fuck her for scolding you and treating you like you were 6

>>683395916
Magda?

>>683400666
Satantrips.

>>683401563
Kek

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>>683402829
I was talking to a group of people about star wars and i mentioned how phantom menace was my favorite one, this was their feces.

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>>683402829

>>683401339
I went to a smaller private school, so there weren't many of us on swim (4 guys, 7 girls). Whenever we went to meets, we were always outnumbered by other schools. But that didn't really matter. The smaller size of our team allowed us to become closer. The girls tried hard to make it seem like they didn't mind us in our speedos, but their eyes betrayed them. This in turn made us just hornier and increased the tensions. It was a great experience with fun people. If your school team is chill like that, then join next year. Be warned though, you will be chlorinated for months.

>>683403257
Yeah ok normie

>>683403067
Play smooth as in not tell her or do it again or tell her and then do it again?

Also three thing is I think she'd be open to just be fuck buddies, because she's a shy-is person so all the guys that hit on her are fucking retards or white knights and I'm guessing the fuck like that too. So I'm thinking if I tell her then suggest this.

>>683403083
yeah

>>683401967
Haha I've done this, was on a business trip. Me and some work mates all went to this training camp. Drank to much at the hotel, next day were at this river where we have to climb up the waterfalls. Get to top and decide to pull my trousers down and fast on my work mate

I shit all down his arm and leg. He threw up and we all laughed. Good times. A little embarrassing

>>683403067
Fuck other reply is me, replied to the wrong person

>>683403257
My school swim team is pretty big, it has the same ratio of guys and girls and there's about 15 of each. Although my friends that don't do sports
>me, only athletic and fit one out of all my friends
find it kinda funny when guys have boners in their speedos
Idk, I've always thought it would be pretty funny to other people especially girls when they see a guys boner in their speedo but ig ill have to find out next year

>>683403475
You should have just grabbed her tit, kissed her, pull both of your bottoms down and just see where it went from there.

>>683400312
I fapped plenty of times in my school bathroom.

Back when i was a little weeb i lasted for like 5 minutes tops, no dramas, no one was ever the wiser.

>>683401974
>overwatch
>dildo
>living with mom
holy fuck you're a faggot

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>be me
>17-18 yo at the time
>parents are half across the globe on vac and have house for myself
>plan to have a big ass party with the group i hung out with
(I did allot of drugs atm mainly weed and speed)

>start my usual weekend with some speed
>go to store with group buy loads of beer and liquor
>start drinking and smoking early with team, sometimes sneak out to do a line
>time goes by probably 18:00 something
>the first ppl to arrive is someone I didnt know not informed were comming (3 girls)
>I start bitching that they look like their 15 but best friend vouch and gangs up on me with them claiming their 16/17
>time goes by loads of known ppl and friends arrive including the group i hung out with before i got into drugs
(I've known one of these "clean" guys since kindergarden hes like my brother)

>its late at this point beyond 00.00
>everyone there is fucked beyond recognition
>ppl fucking in my room, my parents room, my brothers room and the bathroom
>Im deep into the buzz of speed, weed liquor and my friend probably handed me a pill at sometime
>ended up in bed with one of the girls that i didnt want there in the first place like 6-7/10
>we get our clothes of and start jamming
>I get it in but its not a full chub, kinda middle of hard and half chub
>Suddenly realise wtf is going on, like a split second of soberness
>burst out in laughter as im fucking her doggystyle
>the motion stops as i continue laughing
>out on my pants and shirt and just walk out of the room, continue to drink
>next day i woke up on the couch with my old best frind on one and and some other cunts around the house
>friend told me he was creeping outside the window watching as i was fucking her from behind laughing
>friend sais that seconds after i left she started crying
>friend tells other friends
>i never hit on girls or had partys again for 2 yrs

<mfv when he told me all that and that she was 15

>got really really drunk
>got my dick sucked by a fat chick in front of everyone
>hopefully nobody recorded it

>>683399141
Did u hear that girls fart too?

>>683403644
Hey if I had advice like this back then I might have thought about it.
The thing is my family is close so I see her a lot of times so if it went south then I would be fucked

>>683403785
6-7/10 in my current state tbh, sober she was a solid 5

>>683403939
You're a neet, not like you see her alot these days anyways.

>>683403723
Overwatch is great m8

>be me
>hardcore memer xD to the extreme
>tried to use meme punch lines to pick up girls
>bullied rest of school
>it was 5 years ago but it still feels like i have to get up at 7:00 to be ready for school

>>683403723

What's wrong with Overwatch? It's the most fun I've had on any game in about a year.

Yes, I use a dildo. Problem?

I do live with my Parents, I am 21. Housing in Australia is very costly so I am saving up as much as I can before I move out.

>So I was about to drop this in a "secrets thread"

I really like it though. It gives the NSA a more detailed background to feel terrible for when they sell my data.

Not that I had anythings against that, I just like it when people suffer... rightfully.
Ironically I can distinguish those who suffer by themselves and those who are helped.

But you must decide for yourself. I decide to give OP this second opinion of me, spiced with the flowers of my ego, which by now should compensate for my lack of sex.

>And then the concept of duality got the better of me and OP closed the thread because he didn't want to offend someone who asked nicely.

So can I rape any of you bakas, or what?

Make sense universe, or suffer my madness with you.

>>683404602
>Australian shit poster
There's the problem mate

>>683404151
About 5 times a year but yeah it's a good point, thing is their family is fucked the younger sister got divorced and slept around with every fucking one so I'm hoping this one will do the same and when that happens im hoping for some incest action.

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>>683404723
wat?

>>683404602
>housing in australia is very costly

ausfag here. 30 years old, moved out when I was 17. rented since then and bought my own house. paid shitty wages.

'housing in australia is very costly' is for newfags who want a four bedroom house as soon as they leave home.

>>683404602
Are you female?

Come to Germany. I delete my skyrim bondage mods and we annoy each other until you become a game designer and I fake my death in an over-the top escapade so that some American high-tier can feel just like in the movies and get the level of respect that his father always lacked to indoctrinate into him.

Except I will not do that and you will do what you want.

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Got into a pseudo epic argument about wrestling with a girl in college, she moved to Essex and became a muslim loving feminist ;_;

>>683404962
Ah man, sorry, but I'm really embarrassed to be a human with a psoriasis in his asshole.

It makes me act like a jerk and gives me the super-power of being butthurt 24/7. LITERALLY. Which makes me more butthurt but also allows me to think in ways normal people would hardly want to grasp. And I can not hate you for this.

>>683404723
Most of the stories people tell online aren't real and everyone knows that. Why do you care if the NSA collects random stories? They know way worse shit about everyone solely based on browser history I'd bet.

>>683405209
Wresslin' is fake, warfare is real. She should learn the difference before she "fakes" not dying. So slow her down, avoid that she gets a car, but do not turn to the left political side.

The result is obvious, you will stalk her like some psycho.

BUT NOT ON MY WATCH!

So, you now know what psycho-you would do.

What will sane you do?

>>683394597
Holy fuck I died laughing

>>683405365
Because I want to pull a Necronomicon with the NSA to accellerate AI research.

And it works pretty good. Red Robin for instance.

When I want to be good at the computer, I first have to become the computer.

I would go on /b/ at my catholic school to show hiw edgy and crazy i was. I was also going through a phase where i thought i had multiple personalities and i basically tried to act like two-face with the coin and everything.

>>683403643
The girls do find it funny, but especially since they're high schoolers, they love it. It's almost expected that there will be boners throughout the season. It just worked out for the 4 of us because we're pervs and agreed to point our dicks up in our speedos to make the boner easier to achieve. Good luck.

>>683405643
I hope you live with someone who makes sure your needs are met.

>>683405433
Pardon? English please.

>be me a few weeks ago
>way too drunk at the bar
>spot a guy who looks like kylo ren
>fuck off, i think he's hot
>whisper to friend who also thinks kylo is hot
>he slaps my shoulder
>says "i got this" with such confidence that i mistakenly trust him
>friend whispers to the guy
>guy comes over to me
>"i look like WHO?"
>sounds so confused
>immediately turn to punch friend in the balls right in front of this guy
>apologize to kylo looking motherfucker
>drunkenly stammer out that i think he's attractive
>watch him walk away pretty fast and then leave the bar less than five minutes later

>>683405644
Checked.

Thank you.

lol you guys, i thought i had some cringey memories but i guess not...

>be 14
>get caught watching porn by bro cus PC virus infested
>next day bros computer geek friend bookmarks all the safe porn sites on my browser and says "Enjoy!"
>still try to tell them it was pop ups
>kek

That was embarrassing at the time, I guess. I can remember the feel was the worst I've had.

I practiced a lot (and I mean tons) of talking to random people too because I used to be shy, stuff was awkward at first. Some of that was really awkward.

When I was 20 and in the cabin in the forest with my group of friends I got super drunk and talked about the dimensions of my dick to everyone. Not super cringey but i
still get shit for it to this day. They know too much, but meh.

>>683395321
wow you sure are talented if you were a substitute teacher at that age

>>683405882
>>683405644

Does he look like a bitch? Because he is, but in that karma way of thinking.

Re-incarnated dog. Clear as day. Buddha nature shiny and chrome.

I was staring heavily into this girl's ass, it was in these tight leather pants, she asked if i wanted to put my face into it, so i did, that's how my leather fetish developed

>>683406028
Hey, you earned it ;)

>>683406203
Oh bother, and leatherworking has become so un-often too, you will face a lot of other artists if you choose that as your job.

Do you have a job that you like?

>>683406391
This shit you are doing is very cringy. Please stop.

>>683385304
I was pretty beta in highschool. Some bully pulled down my pants. Seeing this, one of the alphas bitch slapped the bully, held him by the hair and told me to do the same, which I did. It was satisfactory

>>683406620
Stop cringe in a shame thread?

Okay then. Off to 8-chan with you.

>>683403785
What the fuck is the problem?

>>683406671
I hope you high fived her every coming day with the other hand. But actually that's indian mysticism and you can use both hands to slap a bitch.

By applauding. So visit her concert or similar already.

I walked in on my friend spreading peanut butter on her pussy and letting her dog lick it.

I was really into crash team racing, so at the winter prom i tried to do a bunch of the dances when you won.
>the crash dance
>the tiny and dingo jig
>the komodo joe head thing
>and my favorite, the N.Gin waddle
Oh god, i wish i could erase the year 2000

>>683396940

Welp ...
WINRAR

>>683406871
Huh?

>>683403505
Nice. More

>>683398327
You are a dumbass

>>683385304
>EMBARRASING STORY THREAD

>My freshman year of high school I joined marching band.

thats all you needed to say bro

>we having a college party
>Forgot my keys to my dorm room
>We're having a little campfire party near college
>Roomate have been working on this girl and ask me to keep his keys and pretend like we forgot ours key so he could sleep at her place
>Cuz I'm a bro I decide to play the game and wingman the shit out of it
>Roomate go with the girl back to her room
>We have this fucking autistic friend who all of decide to tell the girl I have the keys.
>Girl is suspicious and comes back to the campfire to ask me if I have the keys
>Pretend like I dont know what she's talking about
>Autistic friend comes in yelling I have the keys and shit
>Nigger is pointing the keys in my pocket and shit
>I pretend like I suprisingly found my keys laying in somewhere in the sand
>Roomate is clock blocked for life, girl doesn't even want to talk to him somehow
>Mfw when autistic friend wasn't even trying to cockblock and was only trying to help

I actually saw someone say le fuuuuuuuuuck
Rage comics are pure cancer

>>683407410
Look. School is over

>>683387404
the fact that you've only been out of middle school for 10 years...

top zoz

When i eat crackers i regurgitate some on to another cracker and eat it like a spread

>>683396891
Ha ha haaa

>>683394082
Now that is funny. Embarrassing too! I'd have liked to be there for that one :)

>be me, sophomore in high school
>at track meet at other school, leaning on the fence around the track
>without warning some girl grabs my ass
>turn around and look at her
>she says "oh sorry you're not Zack" and runs away
It wasn't really embarrassing until I found out my coach had gotten it on video while recording my teammate's hurdle event. He was the best hurdler on the team, and everyone watched that moment every time the coach was trying to instruct us on proper hurdle technique.

>>683396940
Tool.

>>683394671

I had a friend in a similar situation who ate a bowl of birdseed in milk, a ravenous munchie heads cereal.

I was embarrassed for him.

>>683407708
My nigga.

i posted in this thread.

most embarrassing moment in my life.

Hey guys what's up oh god!!
Muhahahaha you fools, you falled into the trap of the. Entury.I the great and powerful kuznarp VI THE RULER OF THE countywide city of Filandrophar shall take over the world unless, quads are called!!!
Muhahahaha!

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>>683399819
Top fucking kek

I was finishing voting for new electors in Australia, while walking back from the place to the shops, I sharted, went to the store to find bathrooms, dude pointed me to them and needed a key, didn't bother telling me.

Long story short, I shat runny diahrea through my new $80 jeans, never seen so much shit in my life. Might greentext if anyone wants

>>683397877
I'll take "Things that never happened for $200, Alex"

I was fucking my cousin and just as I was cumming my uncle walked in

>>683401258
>this
also this made me uncomfortable with my mom after she does the laundry cuz of the smell that gets on her

I have a leather fetish

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>Be me last Christmas
>Get new computer
>Told sister I'd give her my old PS3
>Give her the PS3
>Realize I had porn on it
>Goddammitmyman.jpg
>Like 35 images
>Pic related was one of em
>Sneak in her room
>FUCK I did leave them on it
>Delete them
>When she got home I told her I just use those to gross out my buddies (50% truth)
>She didn't give a single fuck either way
another story commin up...

>>683409045
Spin the wheel vanna and choose a category

>>683395879
How do you boner when swimming? Also... shrinkage. And that keel going to slow you down unless you can somehow use it as a rudder to help you accelerate your turning.

>>683387404
>lol

>>683401563

Killing me! At around the same age I tucked the tip of my foreskin into my trousers and showed Nan, look it's a prawn!

>>683409043
okay imma make it quick, pizza gon get cold yo
>be at mates house
>smoking bud and chilling
>sleptover at time because i was looking for new accommodation
>we have to vote by law in australia
>we walk to school where the voting booth was
>we finish voting, starting to walk back to his
>15-20min walk
>I fart
>felt wet
>was freaking out because I had to suddenly shit so bad
>toilets at school 20metres back
>nah fuck it shops are close too
>go to local IGA
>ask for bathrooms
>dude tells me behind the store
>he looked under counter
>not sure what for (until later)
>run to back of store
>all toilets are locked to stop junkies
>I tell friend to run and get a key ASAP (the dude at the IGA gave one to some granny that came out the bathroom later)
>mate goes
>hes been gone like 3 mins
>cant hold inside
>didnt wanna pull down my pants and shit
>suddenly it drops all out
>shit felt good to poop
>3 secs after it felt all hard and uncomfortable
>mate comes back
>we'll refer to him at Z
>"too late dude, i just shat myself"

1/2

>>683410056

>"are you serious"
>"Yep.."
>granny bitch comes out
>mate got a key from fish and chip shop
>i go into bathroom pull down my pants
>runny shit plops on floor, lots
>all done my leg and butt
>spend 12 minutes wiping shit off me
>smells so bad, wasnt embarrassed just disgusted
>I sit on toilet now there is shit on seat and floor
>take off pants and put them down toilet
>$80 jeans have shit all over them, wipe on wall to try get most of it off
>have to put jeans back on because I gotta walk more
>I smell so fucking bad
>me and mate leave to go back to his
>i refused to go inside his house
>got a life from family members because i just got rid of my car it broke down
>drive home and shower shit off me, throw out jeans
>was over pretty fast, felt fresh
>was living with parents at time
>mum gives me shit
>me and mum make shit jokes all day
>we felt sorry for the cleaner who had to deal with fecies all over the wall floor and toilet

2/2

I have a fear of going outside now

>>683400922
Kill your sister

>be me
>become the erect
>do the silly dance
>mum walks in mid silly dance

>MUM

>>683410056
>>683410142
felt bad for 2-3 weeks after, doc tested my shit. i had gastroenteritis

never shat myself before in my life
shit/10 would not poop pants again

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>>683385304
>Jerking off in jobcorps
>about ready to cum
>I hear footsteps
>figured I would finish before they walk in
>finish just as Nepali friend walks in
>Cum on the floor trying to hide dick
>wat the fuq bruther?
>not much, how's the weather?
>He never looked at me the same again.

another time
>get done cuddling with roommate cause lonely
>another roommate sees this
>this roommate wants the D
>this roommate is iraq
>feel iraq bro rubbing my legs and ass
>Hello brahther!
>Do not tell anyone this, brahther
>He fucks me in the ass
>I suck his dick
>he didn't want the D after all
>to this day I can't think of that guy the same way again

>>683397353
Yeah, first rule of lying is to stick to the story until you believe it yourself.

>>683406871
FUCK i kek'd at that one
couldnt help myself especially with the
>>683407106
"huh?" AHHAHAHAH

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>>683409714
>2 years ago
>In my room like 1am
>fappen
>At peak erection
>I have a curtain where my door would be
>Movement Detected
>Turn off monitor, tuck up dick and hope whoever cant see
>Pc power light illuminating my legs
>"Anon?" Its my sister
>Silence
>She flips the light on
>WHY
>I jump up and turn around
>Mfw
>I say "WHAT THE FUCK!"
>She says "what are you doing?"
>I say GO AWAY
>We never speak of this again.
I'll try to think of more, I was always a cringey kid so can prom come up with more.

>>683406000
Excellently gay story

>>683385304
What highschool did OP go to that had fucking monkey bars?

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>>683398403

>>683410399
why not just tell her you were masturbating

Wat

>>683395879
What the fuck!

>>683410900
This was before the first story
1st and only time I've been caught
(That I know of)

>>683394671
Holy fuck... I kek'd

I got stoned at a buddies place once... She told me I could go raid her fridge...

Then she flipped out because I ate the fancy meat and vegetable dog food her mother prepared for their prissy little Shih Tzu.

I still get shit for that :/

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butt >>683396891 holes >>683389427 with cum,
again.

>>683385304
a classmate well know for being gay tried to flirt with me. back then the autism was strong with me. I did not realize it till he asked me if he could feel my arms/flex for him. fuck that was embarassing, i blushed and every girl died rofling

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> ''Select all images with pasta or noodles.''

>>683406116
if not trips this anon is on lsd~

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> ''Select all images with mountains.''

>>683408497
wat

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> ''Select all images with Erect store Front.''

>>683395879
this post

>>683402288
Man fuck that shit. Girls like that either turn into the miserable cunts like you said, or if they weren't bullied just turn into cringeworthy tumblrites and general bossy bitches.

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>>683404723
Fuckin what

Show your hole op

>be me 9
>go to some catholic school where we have to say prayers and shit at the start and end of the day
>really need a piss
>ask teacher if i can go
>teacher says no, after prayers
>"our father who art in heaven"
>really really need a piss
>"hallowed be thy name"
>BURSTING.JPG
>"thy kingdom come"
>holding on for dear life
>"thy will be done"
>its inevitable now
>"on earth as it is in heaven"
>start pissing myself
>"give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses"
>we had to wear shorts as the school uniform
>"as we forgive those who trespass against us"
>piss pouring out the bottom. shorts are soaked
>"and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil"
>yellow puddle under my feet. kids are looking at me funny
>"Amen"
>Come up with a genius plan
>"Excuse me miss, I spilled my water bottle"
>Kid next to me says "Why is your water yellow"
>My lie is exposed
>Kids gather round to look at the yellow pool under my feet
>Teacher asks if i need any help
>Say no and walk home covered in piss
>Left the yellow puddle for the cleaners

>>683404602
im 19, live off centrelink, and have my own place.

my parents fucking hated me being home and I was the same as you.

>>683406970
Pics. Of dogs licking pussies

>>683397173
Vids for proof

>>683402288
jump off a bridge, anon

>my best friend/room mate is obsessed with this woman
>I get a date with her
>he finds out and pours some shit in my drink
>go to her house, have to shit like never before, run into the bathroom and land on toilet - immediately begin massive diarrhea shitting
>she yells through the door that the toilet doesn't work
>fml I literally unscrew the bolts and pull the toilet off the floor and try to dump it out her window
>mfwihnf

>first grade
>at an award ceremony for the students and teachers and such
>have to poop
"teacher, I have to go to the bathroom"
"hold it"
"but I have to go to the bathroom"
"This is important now you are going to sit there and be quiet!"
>fart
>poop a little
>ceremony ends
>run to the bathroom
>poop everywhere. Clean myself as best as I can. throw away my underwear, its a lost cause. clean my pants as best as I can
>in the bus. It still smells. Siting next to my friend Josh. One of the kids on the bus is saying
"ANON SMELLS BAD! ANON POOPED HIS PANTS!"
>older brother sees this, knows its me and shouts
"JOSH POOPED HIS PANTS!"
>everyone joins in "EWW!!! JOSH!"

thank you brother. You have been a dick most of my life but that was a solid.

>>683412792
That's hot did you get a diaper? Hahaha

>>683413115
no, the fucking award ceremony was like two hours long and i just had diarhea. my teacher was just a cunt

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>>683412790
Hmmm sounds familiar.

Also check'm.

>>683393600
It's OK fancy I like this. My meets and pleases to you will be well and oh so good. I can pay you for your fuckenings just respond to me please. My name is peetee and I will not be able to make it sound good for you bringing him and he was going to sugguest I love you too gorgeous. Maybe on Fridays on the 12am?i appreciate the thought for my pleasure. 833785235 is my number you fuck.

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I think about this everyday and it fucking kills me alittle inside. ill keep it shortish, but its still kinda long
>Back in uni many years ago
>Social awkward as fuck
>Talking to girls is impossible
>See nice looking girl
>about a 8.9/10
>One of those "I have no idea what her personality is like or anything about her, but shes good looking" kind of things
>Dont tell anyone for awhile
>Few months later, spill the beans to a friend of mine
>Start getting paranoid, has my buddy told other people, does 'She' know?
>Message her on MSN
>just a simple 'hi'
>No reply
>type again and again daily the same thing, 'hi'
>Still no reply
>Start messaging her personal stuff
>Really personal stuff like life story, who i like and dislike, etc
>Imagine one of those cringe texting photos of guys hitting on girls, but amplified to 100
>Cant delete shit on MSN
>got reply, '?'
>Shit what am i gonna do
>"haha sorry ive been using your account messages as a diary"
>fuck, why'd i say that
>Years later
>Not as socially awkward anymore, talking to girls is easy
>Saw her from time to time since she was doing the same degree as me
>Too embarrassed to even say hi
i think she dropped out in one of the last months because she got pregnant with a nigger baby and sugar-daddy left her
what could i have done right guys.

Mmm go in stage in poopy pants?

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Episode 1
-------------
It's eight o'clock on a Saturday, and suddenly I'm disturbed by a knock at the door. I hear my room mate call out from the bathroom telling me to answer. Reluctantly I get up and dutifully trot over to the door. "Who's there?" I say.

"Pizza," comes back the reply.

"Pizza who?"

"Ha ha, very funny! You gonna open the door or what?"

I'm puzzled. Not sure why he thinks I was trying to be funny. Then Steve's voice comes from the bathroom again. "Let him in, bro! That's my pizza delivery!"

I freeze and instinctively back up to the wall. I've seen enough movies to know how this is going to end. These guys are all about the sex. It's a sordid little feature of the pizza industry that somehow is unbelievably tolerated by society. Despite this—or perhaps because of it—pizza is one of the most popular foods in America today.

The pizza guy pounds on the door again. He must be really horny. Steve calls out "Come on man, let him in!"

I sigh. I guess I should have figured out about Steve earlier. The signs were all there. The way he collected little pictures of famous baseball players, or that one time we saw a guy with his arm around another dude and he never made any disparaging remarks. Still, I'd always felt safe until now.

Timidly I reach to open the door, just as the guy knocks again. I'm shocked. There's just the one guy standing there holding a pizza box. In the movies, they always travel in pairs, which is how whoever opens the door to them ends up draped over a couch, confronted by an enormous penis menacing them at both ends.

I back up a couple of steps, making sure to keep my butt pressed firmly against the wall. "OK, just bring in the pizza and don't try any funny stuff!"

He stares at me, like he can't believe how I've got him all figured out so quickly. "The fuck, man?"

"No, no fucks," I say. "If you want to fuck, you'll have to talk to Steve."

(continues in Part 2)

>>683412139
>Kid next to me says "Why is your water yellow"
Shouldve replied with "its orange juice"

>be me in any social situation
>have severe crippling anxiety when I have to talk
>don't even stammer, just completely shut down and can't get a word out
>school presentations, ordering a fucking coffee or talking to people is embarrassing as fuck

Part 2
---------

"Dude... did you just call me gay?" It's weird... he sounds really hostile and angry. I can't figure out what the big deal is. Maybe he's offended by my outright rejection.

I try to appease him. "Hey, it's no big deal. Gays aren't persecuted these days. You guys even get to have parades!"

The next moment, it seems like world explodes. I wake up in a hospital bed. My body is in a world of pain. Slowly it all starts coming back to me. In a sudden moment of panic, I check my butt, but everything seems to be intact. Relieved, I pass out again.

The next time I awaken, the cops are there. I tell them the whole story of how the pizza guy tried to rape me. I can see from their faces how shocked they are. It's like they're not aware there are monsters like that out there.

Weeks go by and they blur into months. I see all the headlines about the case, and how his trial is coming up soon. Amazingly, they let him out on bail. Who would have thought a pizza guy could make bail? Obviously they have a good network of well connected higher-ups. Maybe it's even a mob thing.

I'm walking through campus as it's getting dark. It's cold, and I can see my breath. Suddenly a man steps in front of me on the path. I can't believe it, but it's the pizza guy, the one who wanted to take my virginity.

He points his finger at me and hollers: "You!" I stop about 10 feet from him. I feel weak as he pulls out a gun and aims it at my head. I try hard to not let the fear show. "You ruined my life, you asshole!"

It's amazing how these guys never accept responsibility for their crimes, always blaming the victims. "Well... maybe you should have thought about that before you got into the pizza racket!" I reply.

>>683413891
Part 3
---------

He doesn't say anything, just stands there with his mouth opening and closing, like he's in shock. The arm holding the gun falls limply to his side, like he's given up. He doesn't even seem to see me any more. I take the initiative and hurry past him, hoping to get away before he comes to his senses.

Moments later, I hear the gun shot. I spin around and see his lifeless body sprawled under the lamp post, a pool of blood already spreading around him. I guess, he just couldn't live with the guilt any more. Rape is wrong, and I'm glad he was able to realize it before he died.

Hey let's show everyone how fucking pathetic I am! But how? I know! Let's write a boring, unfunny and autistic story about.... Hmn oh yeah a pizza dude!


Holy shit some loser ACTUALLY spent time writing that shit. Go kill yourself with a brick.

Mmm would you like a pizza?

>>683409916
kek

One day in sophomore year of high school I had the brilliant idea to fucking drink 2 bears in the morning with one of my "cool" friends and later on in lunch, after I ate, I started walking around with a group of friends and I noticed I was really fucking gassy, like FUCKING gassy as fuck. Like I was farting liters in volume of air out. Then the bell rang for the final 2 periods and during the class after lunch I got an urge to FUCKING shit. I asked my teacher if I could go and use the restroom and luckily she said yes. I fucking hurried my ass out the door in a cool manner to not look suspicious, but after I left the classroom I fucking sprinted to the nearest restroom which,unfortunately was locked, and I could feel the fucking shit in my anus wanting to come out so I was like "fuck this" and I ran as fast I could to the office restroom and halfway there I SHIT MY PANTS. Diarrhea fucking shit was oozing down my jeans and I could feel and smell it. I got to the office and luckily nobody was paying attention to me and I went into the bathroom and locked myself in. I got even more lucky that the bathroom was just for one person and I stripped myself and I started fucking cleaning my entire body. At the time I didn't have a phone so I waited until school finished and a janitor opened the bathroom and I only let him open a bit of the door to tell him to call my parents and then my parents came. Sorry for shit story telling, I'm typing this at 3 am.

Tldr: I shit my pants in sophomore high school

>>683414363
And we're they upset stinky boy?

>>683414555
Probably because I stank up the car kill me

>>683414194
Maybe you missed the point... it's supposed to be embarrassing! So I don't really give a fuck if you liked the story or not. Actually it would be cool if people did like it, but I posted it because there's a back story to it.

I'm a professional writer, it's how I make my living, and I do pretty well at it. In over 4000 articles and stories I've written, I've only had a handful of rejections. This was one of them. Not because the story was "unfunny" but because the editor was a feminist who thought I was mocking feminism, rape culture, victim blaming etc. She actually took the story really seriously and didn't perceive that it was fiction.

This was after the publication in question had asked for something shocking and disturbing. I wanted to make the character somebody who you could really hate. A total bumpkin with no good grasp of reality, an autist moral fag who somehow has framed the world from the perspective of what he has learned in porn.

For me, I like the ending, and the way I managed to incorporate the opening lines from Piano Man into it.

So that's the provenance of this story. You can wipe your ass on it for all I care. I just thought the story deserves to be published instead of locked up in the fap files of an angry feminist.

>>683395321
KEK
faggot where you in one of my classes?
i remember this black kid doing the same thing

>>683399819
That's fucking stupid. Nobody gives a damn if you have to use the bathroom. Accidental sharting is one thing, but forcing yourself to hold it like that for any reason is just fucking stupid and inconsiderate to anyone around you. It's more believable that you just waited on purpose till you were in her car to shit you pants for the lolz. What the fuck is wrong with you. Stupid ass.

How about a nice wipe and powder for that little ass?

>>683394597
What the fuck

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>>683413757
why you no use meme arrows?

>>683401707
Well in that case I'd suck you dry as well.

>>683415171
Too much work. I just cut & paste from the original document to save time and also so the sections wouldn't get separated. It's about 4000 words, so...

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>>683414751
> Rape is wrong, and I'm glad he was able to realize it before he died

i dont remember that from the song.

>>683407410
hey fuck you man band is amazing