depression thread?
>>680931889
>>680932029
this post stopped me from cutting.
Same
>>680932153
see i do go out a lot but all i think about is how shit tier my life is.
Posted this in another thread, but fuck it I can't sleep anyway.
>be me
>nearly 19
>Went to university after highschool because everyone said I was smart
>had $4000 in savings and good job to fund a semester or two.
>sudenly, life happens.
>employer let's me off by nottalking to me, answering my calls, or meeting me.
>job hunt sucks, all savings going towards uni.
>Guess what? Mom has cancer. Who pays for pharmacare? Me
>give All savings to mom's meds, go on student loans
>waste life at university doing shitty Liberal arts courses I hate.
>Silver lining; successful military application
>After looking into other financial options, I found out about a paid Officer education program for the military.
>Meet all physical fitness and aptitude testing requirements to do ANYTHING in military: Intelligence officer, pilot, you name it.
>All sounds good, attend second semester in uni on student loans, thinking it'll work out. Get rejected by the military
>Why? "Medically unfit" because of joint pains and heart issue resolved YEARS ago.
>And guess what? Mom was lying to her employers abouthaving cancer, they found out, and fired her.
>now my mom and I are living off of my student loans, and whatever odd job I can pick up for a day or two online.
>sent over twenty job applications in the last month, no luck.
>have to drop out of uni, because I'm now thousands of dollars in debt, unemployed, etc, and now am a huge embarrassment to friends and family.
And that's just the rough details.
>>680932258
damn man thats rough
>>680932534
Trying to work through what I can.
>>680932636
yeah man what else can you do.
>>680932132
You're welcome. here's tits
>>680932251
Me too all and I can think about is my bitch of an ex wife.
>>680933216
same man i just ended a 2 year relationship
>>680932153
the mental health system is a fucking joke, ive been in and out of different programs for years, they always refer me to someone else when they cant help, and its always this stupid fucking advice like no shit, don't you think im trying? ive gotten so many different diagnosis that they swear i have then are like ''Oops never mind we were wrong'' sorry for the rant im just really starting to think theres no help out there and idk what to do
>>680932258
>silver lining successful military application
Dude
>>680933463
same story man in and out of therapy since 14, i just turned to heroin
>>680933553
Didn't have many other options at that point. It's also a family tradition.
>>680933414
fucking sucks. my woman BTFO'd me to try and experience another relationship i guess. we've only been with each other but what's wrong with that?
>>680932258
>huge embarrassment to friends and family.
Pretty sure that's your mom.
>>680931889
>21
>neet
>people dont like me because of my negitive attitude
>dont keep in contact with friends
>play vidya to escape into other worlds so I dont have to face reality
>have tons of empathy for people but they just seem stupid to me
>sam hyde is a role model
>great at making freinds but horrible at keeping
> have horrible focus issues
> feel like disapointment to father
>still have hope that ill get my shit together though
>also really poor, so can't get things done fast
>hanging out with a girl that is literally my best friend
>known her for about 6 years
>got arrested with her in freshman year
>last night, smoking pot getting high having fun
>i always tell her that i care about her
>but she doesnt know that i honestly truely want to give the world to her
>shes always been though shit relationships
>ive always been through shit relationships
>car ride taking her home
>i tell her how i truly feel
>she says nothing and i drop her off while shes crying
I'm ok with her not liking me. I don't want to be in a world where i cant call her mine but if its what i have to endure to make sure she's happy then so be it. Life is weird. its the feeling of being ok with not being loved back.
>>680934891
Stop trying to make anyone happy, except yourself.
>>680935260
Haha that pic made me laugh anon. Thank you.
>>680935032
>its the feeling of being ok with not being loved back.
That's impossible
>>680935464
No need to thank me. Just pay it forward
>knock up long time gf
>she moves in with me
>find out she was cheating on me but cant go back now since pregnant
>decide to let the past be the past
>kid is born, dna test confirms he's mine
>for a while really happy
>at one point she leaves me because of some bs
>soon after kid gets very ill
>spends almost a year in hospitals
>dies
>she tells me i am dead to her as well
was srsly depressed about this
now after a year and a half i'm starting to get over it
point of this story: just hang in there fellas
>>680935032
>>680931889
I need money, but I don't want to get a job, I hate people/ terrified by people.
>>680935832
>been with gf for 12
>only girl i ever had sex with
>she falls for someone else
>thinks im too negative
>figure ill prove her wrong by mutilating myself
>involuntary admission to psych hospital
>been outside for a while
>2 months and still missing her
that's really fucked up, if true. thanks for the hope. it's hard to see it now
>>680932258
it's not always so bad...
you can go on...
i know you can. I did. you should be able too.
don't give up dude. at least one anon belives in you.
>>680935032
Deja Vu.
I could swear on my life I heard this exact story posted here years ago.
How long ago did this happen exactly?
>>680931889
If you find one friend in life, you have achieved more than most people ever will
>>680931889
I can't see myself coming out of this but maybe it's cause I just wouldn't know what to do with myself outside of this rut.
I'm a 26 year old neet, have been for the past few years doing fuck all.
Have been a little more productive lately, went back to the gym in february, study shit now and again on khan academy, read, meditate.
But I'm not looking for a job or going back to school like I ought to be because I don't feel like I belong in either.
Not saying I'm above them, just that I don't think I'd be able to get any job and that going to school is probably pointless for someone in my situation.
I just wish I didn't squander everything that I did.
>>680937219
Literally last night. I've just been sitting here all day being a little bitch.
>>680936767
All this crap also happened while i had to do examn in my 3rd bachelor year in night school (on top of fulltime dayjob) and i still managed to pass
you just gotta accept life is shit but keep going
what you are doing is making things worse, get on the horse again because nobody is going to give you anything for free
focus on your work and education
in time the problems will leave your mind
i'm a 19 kissless virgin and the worst of all is that im decent looking. im just really afraid of rejection and being too pushy. all that fucking concent/feminist propaganda got to me.
went out today, i have no idea how to get fisical,
i just feel like the girl is going to beat my ass if i get too physical. or maybe im just socially retarded...... pls guy i need help..... i dont want to die virgin
>>680937931
You're still young. My experience is never meet bitches when out drinking, they're just looking to get easy praise and something to talk about with their friends. Just be you. And don't be fucking afraid to take chances. Better to have tried and failed rather than to just have sat down, done jackshit and failed by default.
>>680937760
Maybe I'm just looking at similarities.
Just in case I somehow traveled back in time or had some vision of the future, wait for her to respond. In the last story the other anon waited and she said she'd give the relationship a chance. She was quiet because it put a lot on her at once and she hadn't really thought about it before he brought it up or something like that.
Not sure how long it lasted though. Hopefully I don't alter your future in a bad way.
>>680937931
You have to options. You could listen to >>680938470, or you could be like me. I
Go with what >>680938470 said. The path I walk is not the right path for anyone.
I realized long ago that none of this mattered and there isn't anyone out there for me. Don't be like me.
just got out of a 3 year relationship after he cheated on me with an almost 50 year old woman who only speaks spanish....so ive got that.
>>680938472
Probably the best advice I've gotten all day. Thank you. Also, good luck with getting back to your time line.
Nothing that you do will ever matter.
There is no afterlife.
Death is inevitable.
You will most likely die in your sleep.
>>680938470
i don't know bro i live in a very small third wolrd country and putting it like this i just move in the middle high class community so if you get rejected by a chick you'll surelly see that bitch again and any stupid shit you do will be talked about. i'm just too afraid
>>680938842
>>680938791
Thank you for recommending my advice.
I don't know your story, but having someone else for you requires that you open up to someone else to begin with. Yeah, it takes time, some people take advantage of your kindness, but you just gotta sort out the toxic, selfish people out. In the long run you will have true friends, you can depend on. But goddamn, it takes a lot of hardship, though it is definitely worth it.
>>680939015
I'm gonna be honest with you here: All I'm hearing is excuses not to try. Go ahead, live a little. If a girl rejects, yeah, she'll have something to gossip about. But that'll soon be gone, because another will have tried and probably failed. The "value" of a girl is in high demand when you're in your teens to late 20s. But after that it changes. They get desperate. They just want to have a kid, someone to start a family with. Instead of waiting in your comfort zone, get to know yourself better by trying out your own boundaries through others.
>>680932258
>And guess what? Mom was lying to her employers abouthaving cancer, they found out, and fired her.
And what the fuck she spent your savings in if not meds? Your mom is a dirty crackwhore
>depression/anxiety
>sertraline/valium
>enter girl
>things are going splendidly
>keeps asking if I want to make things more serious or "official"
>no, I really love spending time with you but learned my lesson the first ten thousand times I got fucked around
>understands
>continue to see each other, goes on for about six months
>its the new year
>she asks again
>decide we've spent enough time and I feel secure enough that she isn't just another duplicitous, manipulative slut
>"officially" monogamous
>things continue being excellent
>couple of months pass
>constantly saying shit like "I just wanna say that thing yknow"
>finally just says she loves me
>I don't want to, things always turn to shit once it comes out
>few weeks go by, she doesn't seem turned off by the fact that she keeps saying she loves me and I say nothing back
>think woah this girl might be the real deal... she actually loves me enough not to give a shit if I love her back
>tell her I love her
>things are great
>one week passes
>wednesday she leaves my house after staying for two nights, had great time, says she loves me, gives me a kiss
>texts me as soon as she gets home, text all night, calls me before sleep
>"love you babe"
>thursday
>receive text
>"we're done"
>doesn't tell me why, doesn't respect me enough to even tell me to my face
>finally convince her to meet me for a drink
>she looks me directly in the eye and, without missing a beat, "I never loved you, the entire thing was a lie, I don't find you attractive and the sex was bad"
fuck it, sticking to jerking off from now on
>>680938980
The Madman Coin Ritual
>get coin
>every night flip coin 5 times
>if all heads, an hero
>>680939277
yeah thanks pretty much.
we talked about getting married and ,moving out of his brother's house and on our own and then he does this and blames me for "not being there for him" when I did everything for him, even pay his rent when he wasn't working. (something he didn't do for me) but he had really bad daddy issues too.
>>680939574
savage
>>680935903
>It makes me feel human
This is new to me. And so far I hate it.
>>680939494
ah fuck it you may be right, i'll try, im too fucking retarded to get any girl... but thanks anyway men really nice to be heard, i dont find anyone to talk about this stuff
It's probably not going to get better.
>>680931889
i sad
>>680940088
Kek, true in a way.
>>680939494
No problem. I just don't want people following my footsteps. I can't do any of that stuff. It's just not for me.
I thought I was getting better.
Turns out I was just getting older.
I bet none of you fucking kids have anything remotely close to depression.
>>680940382
What kind of weak minded faggot does this?
>>680939500
this
where'd the money go?
did your mom at least take you out to dinner before she fucked you?
Cheer up lads https://youtu.be/aAk97Mslom8
>>680931889
on 20mg of Lexapro
mainly for anxiety
long term depression is in the background at the moment, it's the anxiety i need to avoid like the plague
want to stop taking them because I'm numb and can't feel anything and life is pointless on them, but last time i tried to cut down, the anxiety kicked in and I felt like shit. might try again soon
>>680939500
I think he means she lied to them by not letting them know she had cancer.
Must be a shitty employer if they weren't willing to work with her or hold her position though.
Welcome to America.
>>680940479
yeah i'll just fucking do it.... fuck i have never been this depressed in my life and it just makes me even more depressed that i have close to no reason to be this sad, i have never broken a sweat in my life... im just a privileged ungrateful cunt
A lot of times I feel pretty fucking worthless because my friend is such a badass.
Let's call him Panjeet cuz he's a cannot-poo-into-looer.
>Be junior in high school
>Know this guy Panjeet, pretty cool dude
>Incredibly intelligent; beyond good grades- captain of debate, can spew off Nietzsche and Kierkegaard like ABC's
>get to know him by dank memes
>realize a lot of his memes are depression related
>find out he has depression
>like, really bad depression, incomparable to anyone else I've seen, and I've been in group sessions for 2 years
>been clinically depressed since 8 (idk how that's possible)
>been on meds around similar time
>depression got worse after seeing his friend shot in a drive-by
>had to be institutionalized after becoming psychotically suicidal
>doctors put gag in his mouth to prevent biting his tongue off
He's been through a lot more shit than I have, but has more of his shit together. Really wish I could be stronger like he is.
>>680941000
And I got trips. Best thing to happen to me this week
>>680940136
Yeah, men, women, people just want someone to talk to and be honest with, I getcha. When it comes to being honest with someone, try it out with a friend. Even if you don't feel the moment might be perfect for it, just say to him that you've gotta get something off your chest and just tell him. Tell him the frustrations you've had with girls. Don't necessarily expect a response, some get surprised when you open up, but at least you'll have someone listening. Even the toughest of fellas also just wants to be loved, he'll get it.
Try to play a little game with yourself: Every time you think something negative about yourself, shoot that thought down immediately. Even if you feel like you have to lie to yourself.
>>680940479
I understand. I hope that you will change your mind and realize that having someone close might be the right choice.
I with I could sit down and have a beer with the both of ya.
>>680931889
>>680932258
Fuck America man, go live somewhere nice not this whackjob country
>>680941294
thanks men.. im out
>>680940952
Don't be, true depression happens regardless of financial status. It is based solely on mental processes.
Just find the source of your problem. Right now you don't seem to have depression, just an innate and unreasonable fear of judgment due to perceived failure. When in fact being declined by a woman is just the opposite. You get to finally move on with your life and stop thinking about or obsessing over someone that could care less and it wouldn't have worked out with.
>>680933088
Dubs confirmed based tits
>>680941000
Sweet trips.
I've had a friend for a decade that I felt was better than me in every conceivable way. He looked like I wanted to look, he fucked like I wanted to fuck, he was able and more free than I would ever be. He was basically my Tyler Durden. It felt like he saved me a dozen times and I wanted to help him as well, even when I was at his dads funeral.
I talked to a common friend of mine about it and I realized that I were beating myself up about something that I imagined to be true. I am more lucky than him in so many aspects, we are way more different that I thought and I just wanted something to reflect the ideal me.
Instead of projecting it on him, I started projecting it on myself. I started working out, making small plans to change myself for the better. It's a long process, but I learned that one shouldn't compare oneself to another. Compare yourself to your previous self. Then you'll begin to notice your progress.
>>680941294
>. I hope that you will change your mind
I appreciate the gesture, and don't take this the wrong way, but I won't.
Not being edgy or anything. I'm too far gone if you could call it that.
>lonely kissless faggot virgin
>feelt ugly and unatractive
>met girl
>have great time
>she gives me strange signals
>hack into her FB profile
>she wrote to a friend about me
>"i really enjoy spending time with Anon, but he is not my Type"
>"there should be at least SOME attraction"
>feel like shit
>even more insecure now
>standing in front of mirror every day
also red chats with her ex bf
the great things they have done
the great sex they had
i cant even immagine her having that with me
i wish we had a war, so i could go pro hero
>>680941540
Best of luck to you.
>>680941899
Checked.
I understand. Can I ask you to tell me how you feel you're too far gone?
Druggie dad was hardly around, grew up with nothing but women. Fragile masculine ego prevented me from discussing feelings truly with anyone personally. Only meaningful relationship I've had was 2000 miles away. Now I just get shitty passing grades in community college and meme to pretend im happy when me and all my friends know we're all one step from taste testing revolvers.
>>680941868
The thing is, I feel like I haven't changed much. It sucks to see that after facing 3/4 years with depression, not much has changed.
I guess I've learned to cope with it because of the experience I have, but there will always be low times where I don't have enough energy to do shit.
It's been a pretty low week for me; haven't gone to school in 4 days. CPS might knock on my door since my attendance is so shitty.
Mom died a few years back, moved across country with wife and four kids,catch wife cheating get in fight go to jail sentenced to probation, get divorced. Meet girl have one night stand she gets pregnant and keeps kid. Have girlfriend for a year decent job new car to me, girlfriend loses job can't afford house anymore break up move into shit box trailer car gets repoed, lose job because can't get to work lose trailer, scumlord takes all of my belongings and sells them in the two days it took for me to get a uhaul,have new car again and job move in with new girlfriend , hour away from work, bad snowstorm can't make it to work get fired, still haven't found a job four months later, new girlfriend is wanting to break up because I don't have a job and am depressed as fuck because of all the horseshit. Ex wife is getting married next month. Fucking sucks.
You can't spend your whole life waiting for God to kiss you.
>>680938980
lol found the nihil fag
>Got broken up with a few months ago
>I'm over that girl totally but the being alone is starting to get to me again
>Work a 9-5 I hate
>Quit going to the gym because I can't be fucked
>Too tired to do anything extra after work
>Daily routine is
>Wake up
>Go to work
>Come home
>Get in bed and watch netflix / fuck around on the internet
>Don't leave bed at all
>Eventually fall asleep
>Repeat
>Hate work so much that I can't wait for the weekends
>But I have nothing to do on the weekends now
>End up doing nothing for 48 hours
>Rinse
>Repeat-
>>680942017
i had gfs, but for 3 years now i m totaly alone, 0 girls are interested in me. I changed, i used to be a stupid asshole but i had girls, my interests became intellectual i mean i now like reading, seeing good old movies, opera classic music. I became more distand with girls. i totaly feel you for tha last part you said. one time a friend said i wish we had a war to end the all that is rotten and my life, i was shocked but then but now i totaly get it.
>>680942017
Idk man, I wish solving my depression was as easy as getting into a relationship with a single girl.
I might be a virgin, but I don't equate that with feeling down. I barely go on existing; I don't have enough energy or care enough to look for a gf.
I was diagnosed with Depression after being forced into it by my parents... They wanted me to take anti-depressants and visit a Psychologist twice a week...
What's annoying is I'm not depressed at all. I just like my life style... Run in the morning, work 5 hours (part time) and then play games for the rest of the day... No people, no hassels... It's heaven.
>>680942473
But were you still qualified for depression? Like your distress scales and what not.
As long as you are truly happy with your lifestyle, I can't see anything wrong with it. Some people equate not being social as being depressed.
>>680942473
What job?
>>680935118
Off topic, holy shit this is what I hate about this game. If some guy starts doing seriously abnormal shit, people might look. But even in nothing but underpants you don't get a reaction that severe.
>>680932258
I'm not going to pretend I understand how bad you've got it, but a great deal of your problems probably stem from a lack of social charisma.
My brother wasn't allowed in the military either because of bullshit, so he just drove down tot he recruitment office, talked to his recruitment officer, and got it all sorted out.
As far as university goes, there were probably many student organizations you could have joined that would have eagerly gave you a boost in order to bolster their image.
Just the other day I was walking down the sidewalk where this cunt was ranting on a microphone about our Universities depression services because they "saved her from killing herself and helped her with scholarships to alleviate the stress of her life."
I'm positive she was just being a melodramatic cunt for the audience because that was her job, women like attention, and because I have a sour attitude towards people that try to garner pity in general, but I'm still sure that that's something someone like you should have taken advantage of.
Nobody gets through life with convincing others to hep them. One of the key differences between poor people and rich people is that even when a rich kids parents are too prideful to help him financially, rich kid has been raised entitled enough to go through his life making sure he receives everything he wants. Meanwhile poor kids suffer because they don't know how to play that little political game to get the assistance of people around them.
It's imperative you learn this, and after you do I promise your life will start becoming much smoother. Just have to try and stave off depression for long enough that you can still interact with the larger world.
>>680942669
Yes, according to their system.
>>680942751
Just at a Supermarket. It goes pretty fast.
>>680942253
You might not feel it because you might not notice the day to day changes, but you're slowly evolving. You're always learning.
Put down some goals.
What do you want to do in life? Or what do you want to do with your body?
If you want to get fit for example, write that as a goal. And write all the small steps you need to take to get there:
- Get fit:
- Find a gym
- Get a membership
- Talk with an employee that you want to get fit
- Get a workout plan
- Find out which days will be the best for working out
- Maybe find someone to work out with
- Go the first workout day, maybe write down your findings
- Go work out the second day
- Keep this up for a week
- Keep this up for two weeks, a month, etc.
You catch my drift.
Make goals with smaller goals inbetween. And I can recommend giving yourself a deadline and maybe a consequence if you don't succeed. A guy wanted to be good at drawing, so he gave himself a deadline of 6 months where he wanted about 50 likes on Artstation, else he would give his cousin $1000.
You can read about it here: http://www.blenderguru.com/articles/9-artistic-lessons/
Fuck greentext, heres where im at. Im sitting having my twelfth beer. My track marks fucking hurt. Last night i couldnt get a hit to register so i shot in my hand, my hand hurts. I only feel anything besides, must kill myself, when im high out of my mind. Most of my family is dead. My father is alive but is a huge opiate addict and disabled, ive watched his mind rot away for years. My mother has told me im a piece of shit and ruined her life since i can remember, so at least since 5. Im not allowed on her property. The only two girls i ever dated fucked my best friends at the time and showed me pictures during the break up process. I have no one and trust nothing. Every time i shoot up I pray for an overdose. I was crying the other day because i couldnt fit enough blow in my needle to kill me, and with my shaking hands couldnt reload fast enough to od. I drink ten to 15 tall boys a day. If im anything less than fucked out of my mind i cant cope. Things wont get better for me.
>>680943201
Thanks man, but it's also been recently that I stopped caring about fitness.
I didn't just like going to the gym; I considered it my lifeline. I think working out was one of the main factors why I didn't kill myself.
But I started losing interest in that too. I'll force myself to go tomorrow.
...
Also for the other anons out there, you really should push yourself to workout. Even if you don't feel like working out, you should at least go to the gym and sit there for an hour. You can't have a healthy mind without a healthy body; I'd say unless your depression's really fucked, it helps for 95% of people.
>>680943625
Yeah that pretty much sucks.
I mean, you even failed to kill yourself.
That's pretty pathetic.
>>680935832
>year and a half
Been like this since highschool fuck you mate
>>680944184
I've been having a tough time going to the gym as well. I'll go tomorrow too, deal?
You're right, it takes a healthy body to keep a healthy mind. Keep it up, never give up.
>>680943625
This is why I'm staying the hell away from drugs.
You start to cope with depression, then it just makes it worse.
>>680944782
Thanks man, first thing in the morning (although it'll be around 2 pm when I wake up)
>>680944782
Can I go to the gym at home?
>>680945023
It's a deal!
>>680945245
Actually you can. You can work out using nothing but your own body. I can recommend buying some weights, though, then you can train most of your body. You can do it!
>>680945245
Most people don't have the willpower to continually work out at home, especially with depression.
Getting a gym membership is so much better. You meet people, you use equipment; it's a physical location that's different from home.
It'll take years of membership to buy the equipment you need. I particularly like weightlifting, because you can see improvement quickly, helps you build muscle, and increases testosterone.
>>680946012
>>680946402
I would like to at home more than at the gym. If I lived in any other city, I think I could tolerate strangers enough to go to a public gym. But I live in a smaller city, so everyone knows everyone everywhere. I'd be better off driving an hour out just to avoid it.
I don't want to be buff. Just lose like 10-15 pounds and stay fit. All I do is sleep, more than a person should.
>>680944254
this is the wrong kinda thread for your bravado bullshit. I guarantee you would never say shit like that to my face. I work a minimum wage job, you know how many people i need to rob to keep up with my habits?
