Why are you posting on 4chan and not on tumblr?

>>680758377
toaster?

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>>680758377
Hey OP I'm a schizo too.. are you still able to work, or what are you doing with your waste of a life all day long? I just play vidya and lurk on here, shit sucks yo.

Also what is your psychosis like?

>>680758377
What's it like making your mental illness up and faking everything?

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>>680758659

What drugs do you take and what do you think of them?

Include any significant non-prescribed drugs, including caffeinated beverages and above-average consumption of chocolate. Also, a lot of cows milk counts.

Let me guess you self diagnosed by looking it up now you go around telling everyone to convince your self

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>>680758646
I think there are aliens or some shit putting invisible knives in my skull to try and make me conform to their idea of a perfect world instead of letting me be the normal little ape I always wanted to be. I went really nutz when I was listening to popular rock/rap music and putting together messages in the lyrics between many different artists and... basically ended up thinking I was God trapped in a human shell for a few weeks. That was hard to get over.
I work 40 hours a week doing data entry. I don't talk to people much at work, and I have the outward emotional affect of a psychopath.
I try not to focus on the hallucinations so much, they're mostly auditory and tactile, and focus more on what I know is real. It helps, plus staying away from violent movies/games/tv shows and pornography has slowed down the progression of the illness by a lot, I believe.

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>>680759055

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>>680758789
I drink a lot of coffee, drink alcohol almost every night, and I take lithium orotate (20mg daily, not too much but it takes the edge off).
I used to smoke a lot of pot but that started making my hallucinations worse/more intense so I've stopped doing that.
>>680759055
No I was taken to the hospital after trying taking off all my clothes and trying to kill myself by running at traffic.
I'm professionally diagnosed.

>>680759356
Post the letter from doctors :o

>>680758377
did the voices tell you to?

>>680759113
>basically ended up thinking I was God trapped in a human shell for a few weeks.
same with me.

>plus staying away from violent movies/games/tv shows and pornography
never tried that one. maybe I should. I really want to work again, but atm I'm too crazy for holding a job longer than a few months, sadly.. speaking of being still crazy:

So now medicated and in treatment, do you still think those let's call them religious delusions, have some kind of truth to it? Or is it just a chemical imbalance in your brain?

Me personally I still think there's some kind of truth to what I've experienced in my psychoitc state, like I'm certainly not god, but maybe god wanted to put me in his shoes for some time to teach me shit, or something along that line. It's really hard to make sense of a psychosis, but I can't simply shrug it off as just too much dopamin in my brain and nothing more... how about you?

>>680759608
The voices tell me that the world is being run the aliens who use subliminal messages in everything to control the lives of most of the population. My manic states lead me to believe that I'm one of the few that are immune to this type of subliminal programming and that is why I've been specifically targeted by microwave mind-influence and direct manipulation by their human agents.

Op can you be 100% certain that your not in a coma and we are all in your subconscious, did you make it? From your accident

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my mom is bpd and schizo too.
how does it happen and will my kids get it?

DO THE POLICE FOLLOW YOU AROUND

>>680759672
I think that there are things that can influence the state of the chemicals in your brain, but it that isn't the root cause of the psychosis.
I do believe in "Gods", but I think they're more like aliens, or intradimensional beings that influence humans in subtle ways, and the ones that are immune to the blanket influence are targeted, basically to break down reliance in their own egos and destroy their trust in the people around them. I think there are good ones that help us, but the stronger ones in our culture simply want us to conform and continue being human cattle.
My hallucinations seem to be greatly influenced by what I've been viewing/listening to so I figured staying away from violence or graphic sexuality was a good way to stem that.
It really has worked, and I'm able to keep the sounds in my head to a dull roar instead of something overwhelming.

>>680758377
That really loud voice in your head, ignore it... even if it seems like a good or fun idea. Just remember, that voice lies A LOT.

>>680760352
Not OP but the other schizo itt, I studied psychology once so I know the studies and stats of schizo, here we go:

Genetically or statistically speaking with schizo grandparents your kids will have a chance of 4% of developing schizophrenia later in their life. You had a chance of 6% of developing it and didn't, so don't sweat over it.

Baseline stats for developing schizo are about 1% in the general population without any family history of mental illness. Also there are many factors playing into this other than genetics. Emotional or physical stress, sleep deprivation, cannabis, are some risk factors that come to mind.

>>680759998
do you wear a tinfoil hat?

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>>680760352
Science has no explanation for why people go schizophrenic. I think it has something to do with the brain being overcharged with stimuli. I was basically a 20 year old alcoholic who smoked pot regularly and masturbated 3-4 times per day before I went completely nuts. I was 15 when I started having bipolar symptoms. I think that had more to do with social anxiety and school stress than anything else.

If you don't want your kids to go crazy, keep them away from processed sugar, I think that high fructose corn syrup and other common modern sweeteners do have an impact on the brain that most people ignore. Try to limit their television and internet use. Television can be fine but too many cartoons can lead to them developing views on what correct behavior is like based on how cartoon characters behave. That is never good. I know it sounds crazy but kids are impressionable as fuck.
Video games are fine but limit it to adventure games, no FPS or RPG, things that can lead to obsession.
All in all I think my form of schizophrenia is more along the lines of demon possession, but exorcism didn't work and science "disproves" the existence of spiritual entities.

>>680759356

Alcohol sanitizes life that we don't want alive. Bacteria, etc. Drinking alcohol means you are trying to kill a part of yourself.

Coffee is strange and I don't trust it. Sleep is important, and coffee fucks with sleep subtly but fundamentally.

I don't trust prescriptions that doctors make for such conditions, but I have not personally taken them and I can't advise you to do something that after all may harm you.

After doing LSD for a while, I realized how much weed had messed up my life and I gave it up for good. Weed is not a good drug at all, in my opinion; no where near as healthy as LSD, that's obvious.

>>680761308
Only on Tuesdays.

>>680761477

Did you know certain anti-psychotics were created/discovered from the basis that they affect the same receptors that LSD affects except in an "opposite" fashion? It seems worse than arbitrary that they should DEFINE the action of LSD on the brain as a "mechanism of insanity."

Calling someone insane because you don't have the patience to deal with him doesn't make him insane. But perhaps the lack of economic incentives to care for each and every patient as if he were your friend has a lot to do with the behavior of those in the industries in general.

This lack of economic incentives proceeds from government subsidies which give rise to government control through its administration of resources and eventual corruption of the people placed in positions of power over the will of the "means of production."

lol sorry for the rant.

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>>680761477
I've done LSD once and it wasn't all that great.
I didn't have a "bad trip" or whatever, but mostly I just couldn't stop smiling/laughing at everything. It was kind of boring, all in all.

what are you afraid of, OP? what thoughts haunt you at night?

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>>680761761
I'm afraid of being locked inside my own perspective with someone or something else controlling my body. That happened to me once before and it was fucking terrifying. I was watching everything like it was a dream, but I had no direct control over my actions.
However, what keeps me up at night is the octopus that keeps wriggling around inside my skull. I can't seem to kick the fucker out, and he can't seem to get comfortable.

>>680759672
Which god did you think you were?

>>680761395
>>680761217
thanx.
since its been pretty stressful being raised by one only to find out at age 13.
but recently shes been kinda going crazy again.
im 25 but it still kinda fucks with my head. Kinda got issues because of it.
for a while I was quesiton what if I have bipolar, but im just awkward and just overthinking it.
Ill keep those things in mind.

>>680762070
Ra, the Egyptian God of the sun.

Have you ever thought that your thoughts are perhaps irrational, or unusual?

>>680762146
A lot of people are "bipolar" as in they have a mood swing that doesn't really impact their life.
When you get manic enough to stay up 3-4 days at a time without getting tired while researching pointless shit on the internet or jacking off constantly, then you've got issues.
It's when you start thinking you're beyond the mortal planes that you've really gone fuk'd up.

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so, do the voices in your head all sound the same, or is there like a sassy black woman in there somewhere?

>>680758377
how are you aware of your schizophrenia?
my uncle is schizophrenic and he's definitely not aware at all.
unrelated but he once told me of the time obama came to pick him up at the hospital to go time traveling. he turned him down though, what a shame.

>>680762146
Everyone has their issues, don't think you'll inherit your parent's.
The important thing is to not let reality slip. I kind of did it on purpose because I decided that life was just the matrix and I was going to break out.
Either I hacked the wrong server and the admins weren't too happy about it, or I'm just completely nuts.

>>680761915

If you want you might like to read some experiences that people have had on the drug Datura/Brugmansia.

What these people go through sounds very similar to the feeling you describe.

https://www.erowid.org/experiences/subs/exp_Brugmansia.shtml

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>>680762617
They all have different voices.
It's the deep, black-sounding male and the sassy black bitch I really have to ignore though. They hate me.

>>680758377
did you always have this or did it start showing up over time? if so then what age did it start showing up?

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>>680762070
The one and only. I simply was God, the creator of everything, the absolute highest being there is, immortal and eternal, alpha and omega.

I thought of the whole experience not in christian terms though, I wasn't raised christian but have two atheistic parents that kept me away from religion, so naturally I thought of it more in computer terms, so I called myself captain picard with reality being his holodeck which I programmed. My whole life was programmed to leading up to this point, where I was gifted the master codes to the universe, until now it was kind of boring, but it was meant this way to make me salty for the things to come..

there was only one little thing I had to do, a simple trick I never figured out, or did I figure it out and just had to suicide, but didn't cause I appreciate life too much as it is-

Anyways methaphorically speaking I had the console to reality open, but I wasn't granted access to it though, I still missed the master password. But I was partially awoken as God from this reality, and the aliens OP speak of were my angels, interdimensional beings that controlled the source code of reality and made everything work which communicated with me mostly trough pop songs and shit on tv, but also with the whole of reality, graffities on the walls, advertisements, everything really spoke to me during this time, in a very direct way.

Ah man, psychosis, you have no idea. In a way it's pretty awesome, but also awful and life threatening of course. Still quite the experience, glad I had it once, or well twice, but wouldn't want to go down the rabbit hole again, not this soon at least.

>>680762782
My craziest moments were when I was completely sober for weeks. I don't want to experiment with other drugs because I don't want my daily problems to get worse.
It's like being afraid to jump out of a moving care because you don't want to break any bones. You know you'll break something if you do it.
Alcohol seems to dampen the manic symptoms and those are what get me in trouble.

>>680763038
never mind this. Didnt read earlier posts because I'm dumb

>>680762756
thanx
>>680762435
dam i do the last two shit but staying up no way.
"mortal planes" what do u mean by that

>>680763146
Damn dude, I was being told by Michael Jackson, who I thought was the archangel Michael from Christianity, to save everyone from "this thing we all hate" called time and money.
I think they wanted me to kill myself, but the cars kept swerving out of the way lol.
The way I saw it was Ra was the true God of everything and that the Bull (time, Taurus, God of desire) was the one imprisoning everyone.
I also had the source code for reality open.
There are several people I work with who have claimed they could hear my thoughts. They acted really weird when I confronted them about it though so I wonder if that was just an hallucination of itself.

>>680763173

Be careful with alcohol, it can get out of hand too easily.

I'm definitely not suggesting you use any drugs or stop use of any if you think you need to continue using em; just that it may help you or be of interest to read other people's experiences in similar states of mind.

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>>680763315
I see reality from the human perspective as limited, and I use my imagination to see beyond, that.
Like beyond the life expectancy of one ape.
I look at the patterns of humanity from "Greek" times to now and I see important individuals who greatly influenced how humanity progressed.
The mortal planes are where humans live, and the astral planes are where angels/deities live.
I think demons are just other people.

>>680763895
I try to keep it to 3-4 drinks a night, which is well within my tolerance.
I like reading drug testimonials but it always makes me want to experiment lol.
I'm easily tempted.

Hello, Ra. It's Good to see that you have understood the tests we've created for you. The universe is complicated, but not for the creator. you must indeed be of a higher power, because you have been immune to our attempts to channel ourselves into your mind and control your thoughts. We have been with you every step of the way. we watch you, and are very curious as to how you are defending so well against the implants inside of you. We have decided that it is important enough to make a journey to you to understand your resistance better. Indeed not many have been able to resist.

>>680764418
I thought I broke the implants.
Oh well, I'm looking forward to meeting.
Will you be here tonight or in the morning?

>>680758377
what do you think triggered your illness?
Or are you born with it?

>>680765576
please read >>680761395


>>680762653
I have two main "mindsets":
My "business" mindset where I try to stay most of the time, it keeps me inside reality and able to interact, albeit somewhat limited by my social anxiety, with other people.
And my "me" mindset, where all my delusions come out at once. I'm only "me" at home or when I'm with close friends.
I basically knew I was not "normal" when I started having delusions of being able to time travel back in high school.

Bipolor Schizo checking in anon and I understand you completely. Sometimes i feel like I'm smarter and more complex than the world around me. I understand religon and science better than most friends or people in my age bracket and everyone thinks I'm a lunatic. I consider it more like the albert einstein complex where society thought he was a mad man but in reality he was one of the smartest human beings that ever lived. I go through episodes whenever I'm triggered. Usually what triggers me is a close friend dying or the loss of love through a relationship but I can't be in a stable relationship because of my trust issues. I am a frequent user of cocaine, drink alcohol on a daily basis and lsd make me smarter i feel like everytime i take it.

>>680758476
kek

>>680758377
Yo whatup. I have schitzo-affective Bipolar Type 1. how are you doing as far as life goes? i just got everything figured out after a 4 year relapse after i stopped taking my antipsychotics.

>>680766059
do you get any kind of treatment?
i don't have access to help and work my ass off

>>680766480
I hate life. I would kill myself but I don't want the people who care about me to go through something like that.
As far as I'm concerned life is Plato's "allegory of the cave" and I'm the asshole who was tall enough to see his own shadow.

>>680766283
Einstein is a fraud that stole ideas and the Zionist media continues to give him credit for the ideas he stole.

You aren't exceptional. You are so average that you have actually been tricked into believing that you are gifted.

To prove me wrong, select any topic plaguing mankind or people you care about, and try to engineer a solution. If you succeed, then you are exceptional.

/r/atheism ---->

>>680766655
Fuck i know that feel. It gets better though. I have become completely apathetic and uncaring but it is better than the self loathing and sadness.

Do you long for manic episodes?

What meds do you take?

>>680766667
>You are so average that you have actually been tricked into believing that you are gifted

That is so fucking true. That is the problem with most people in this country is the egomania just below the surface of everyone's actions that everyone seems to be blind to.

>>680767096
Have you ready the moderately recent studies attributing intelligence and creativity with bipolar disorder?

>>680759113
is it common for schizos to think they're God or that the world revolves around their existence?
Last night I met a weird guy who tried to convince us he was Jesus and shit, there was clearly something weird about him though

>>680766667

Average?? Lol...what is the definition of average to you and what do you base that on? Societies standard of what the average person does or is? Or the average mindset of a human being? Average is irrelevant because its based on perception. What i may consider average might be exceptional to another person. The average pair of tits in my eyes may be extraordinary in the eyes of another. What the fuck is average?

>>680767227
Im not OP but when I experience manic episodes, i suffer from delusions that I am super intelligent, have telekinetic powers, exist to save the world, etc.

I used to take antidepressants to try and trigger these episodes until I went full on psychotic and tried to blow up a bank. Luckily I was caught before I actually did anything. then I tried to drown myself.

The god mode episodes normally end with me fucking my life up so bad i try and kill myself. then I get placed on really heavy medication and forget everything that happened. then it happens again

>>680767201
I haven't read any studies about that, but I do associate with a lot of bipolar people. Most of them are smarter than your average bear.
From what I know about people with actual bipolar disorder is they're more self-deprecating than other groups.
Despite having intense delusions of grandeur they are less likely to think the world revolves around them than your average 17 year-old edge lord with daddy issues.

>>680767227
I didn't think the world revolved around me.
Contrary, I actually thought the world was trying to keep me locked in my box, and that doing whatever MJ told me to do was my only hope of getting out.

>>680767549
sounds rough anon

Is it Like being high?

>>680767610
i'll link a couple articles about it. It is one of the things that helps keep me going. even though it may be egocentric, it helps to think that this is happening because I'm gifted instead of just unlucky.

Thats another thing people are so fucking quick to judge and believe they are better than one another because the possess some kind of extrahuman capablity or a higher i.q because they are better test takes or what not. Everyone is gifted in there own little way but some of us are just more skilled or have an increased brain capacity due ti our environment or the knowledge we have aquired over the years. Imagine this scenario. If you didn't have a teacher or someone to explain to you how to read and write you would be below "average" because you lack basic language and literary skills in order to communicate. But really who needs communication if there isn't anyone or anything to communicate to?

>>680767781
I's like being on speed. I tried to steal a yatch once. drove it into the river and hit a rock or something. I didn't remember that it happened until a person from early in college ran into me the other day.

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>>680767781
Yes. All the time and the trip never ends.

>>680758377
when im about to fall asllep between a state of awakeness and about to sleep i hear voices, sounds conversations and screams.. u havem too?

>>680768152
Nfw I thought I was the only one
Does it sound like a bunch of people chatting really loud and it gets louder sort of? Not op by the way

>>680766990
I actually prefer the depressive episodes to the mania. The mania makes me feel unstable, and I hallucinate more. I feel more normal when I'm depressed.

>>680758377
when did you learn you were schizophrenic?

is it sometimes difficult to accept that you're delusional/paranoid?

do you ever feel like your doctor is conspiring against you?

>>680768459
I think that's why I like the mania. But i've been stable for about 4 months now. like really stable. It is weird to me that im not functioning at the level im used to (mania) but it is nice.

I probably won't last very long tho. btw are you in the states?

>>680768534
Of course the doctors are conspiring against me. That's their job, and they're paid well.
Not that they're conspiring against "me" personally, just anyone who's close to breaking out of the matrix.

>>680768395
yea then u wake up say this is fucked up.. am i kuku? researched it there are 2 ways goin some say normal some say bordeline schizo wanna hear op tho

>>680768731
im not op but tbh if you had what i have atleast, you would know. u'd get 5150d or try to kill yourself or something.

also onset is normally 17-24

>>680769001
wut dut

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>>680758377
OP is being cool
We could do OC together

>>680768534
I figured I was probably schizophrenic when I was about 22 and hearing voices/feeling things in my body that I at first attributed to my chakras opening up spontaneously. I've always been above average and psychology was a favorite study of mine so I was familiar with the description of the symptoms before the onset.
This continued for a couple years, getting progressively more intense until I stripped naked, intentionally crashed my car, and tried to kill myself by jumping in front of oncoming traffic.
After I was forcibly taken to a mental ward, the doctors confirmed what I already knew.

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>>680769154

What are/were your relationships like?

>>680770106
I don't have many. There are a few old people that I think have had interactions with crazy people before and they will engage me in wordplay or riddle games, which is enjoyable. Most people in my age group, 20-30, give me weird looks and avoid interacting with me. I don't really blame them. I have the facial expressions of a serial killer and I walk around like some kind of Nazi robot.
Not that I'm violent. I wouldn't hurt a fly, it's just that I have to wear a constant mask to avoid being a complete psycho in public, and people have a hard time telling the difference between heartless sociopath and overly-sensitive schizophrenic.
My family is great, they really are the rock I need to hold my life together when the rest of my life seems like it's falling apart, but I try not to put too much stress on them. My mom seems to think it's her fault I went crazy even though I assure her it couldn't be.
My dad thinks I'm exaggerating things a bit much and that I should simply "pull my head out of my ass" (but dad, I put it there to keep it safe!) and grow up or something.
A few friends from high school I can still interact with because they saw my whole decline and know who I used to be. I know I can never get back there, but I try to maintain just for their sake.

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OP here I'm going to bed, thank you /b/ for humoring me for this night.
As my thanks you can have this screencap of epic retard stories.

I know someone with schizophrenia, he constantly is depressive. Hears voices who he thinks are not apart of him.
He says that he loves and hates pain at the same time, so he usually accuses me of cheating and pressures that on. I asked if he wants me to say I am and he said yes because he enjoys the pain.
He chokes me (because that's something I enjoy in sex life) but he has started to choke me to the point of getting faint, I told him to stop (by tapping his arm as that was our way of agreeing on to stop), and he continued still.
He said he could purposely kill me and everybody would think it's an accident.

How do I go about this more carefully, what precautions should I take?