I choose Immortality Remover

>>679813512
Eternal coma.
Sometimes you have dreams about being raped by the cancer banana.

Ability to make Anita Sarkeesian have earth shattering anal orgasms on demand

>>679814089
But you can never witness it

Ability to, once per 24 hours, magically produce one item of food and one one container of drink of my choosing. If I can name or mentally envision the item, it counts.

>>679814172
But only generic and expired food

>>679814172
They taste like Anita Sarkeesians shit.

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/b/>>679813799

superpower thread is dead, get in here lads

The ability to warp the fabric of space and time at will so that can teleport and time travel

Invisibility

>>679813512
I have control over time. pause rewind fast forward. ( i plan to eat alot of buffalo wings)

>>679814394
Only when no one is looking

>>679814394
You are slightly chilly for eternity so you always want a scarf

>>679813512
Pedo-power: The ability to stop aging.

time stopping

>>679814490
Found the landwhale

>>679814571
Also makes the brain more childlike with prolonged use eventually becoming brainded

Ability to check these trips

>>679814684
I just want spicy food after seeing that sandwich thread.

>>679813512
Immortality but you're black

>>679813512
I choose being impervious to any illness that befalls me

Ability if telekinesis and to move my mind anywhere and see/hear everything happening

hyper-dimensionality and quantum manipulation

>>679814862
Impervious to any illness but you bruise when people touch you

>>679814862
But you do have perpetual diarrhea

>>679813512

>implying immortality itself isn't fucking shit

Also, can't kill self, destroy brain or escape/alter conciousness in any way, are doomed to float through cold dead space for eternity.

>>679813512
Jew in gas chamber

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>>679813512
No me gusta

>>679814935
But you have piss poor grammar... Oh wait

>>679814935
but worse than a paraplegic, you're catatonic

>>679814943
No reason to wake up as nothing surprises/stimulates you with your boundless knowledge

>>679814935
He who know does not speak.
(he who speaks does not know)

>>679814943
Your Penis decides to leave you and is now hopping across dimensions trying to escape your manhandling

my superpower is catlike reflexes

>>679815337
You're literally a cat though

I choose power to know that the next post is doubles

>>679815376
welp, fuck

>>679815467
But it only works on off-brand chans

>>679815289
wow that'd be great, i wont have to be present and carry on with my work while my dick can rape as many feminazis cunts as possible. i wonder what would be in the news

The ability to seduce any woman I please

>>679815715
but works only on midget trap

>>679815715
But only fat woman

>>679815715
but you're gay

>>679815715
60% of the time, it works every time

>>679815715
they all orgasm like this

http://www.bestshockers.com/deaf-orgasm/

>>679815715
you are in permanent coma

>>679814089
But you have to listen to her shriek about the patriarchy as it happens.

>>679815715
But you can't orgasm

I chose nigger

>>679815836
best one

>>679814979
>>679814994
well what can I say... ohh shieeet

>>679815836
>http://www.bestshockers.com/deaf-orgasm/
Kek, never heard of a gagball?

>>679815715
You can only seduce them by being cucked

never get falling damage

Ability to tie your shoelaces in less than 1 minute

>>679815715
You have incurable erectyle dysfunction. No supplement or power will help, your dick is just dead.

>>679814772
But never getting trips

>>679816119
You can no longer wear shoes

>>679814862
Extremely shortened life span to only 7 years

>>679816075
Only if you're falling up.

>>679816075
Because you are perpetually falling

>>679816119
but you suffer from elephantiasis.

>>679816075
You take damage from not falling.

>>679816119
Because you always wear Velcro shoes

>>679816119
Doing so breaks all of your fingers simultaneously.

A power to squirt 2 litres of cum in one orgasm

The power to resurrect the dead

Ability to taste the difference between Coke and Pepsi

ability control time as I please

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>>679813512

i ask for the power to remove prior to activation any power restrictions, including mine

Get in line bitches, i can heal you for cash.

>>679816365
But it'll take your own life

>>679816396
Only microwave time

>>679816332
But you cock is so thick it just comes out in one giant blob of cum

>>679816396
Stopping time locks you in place because all the air molecules won't move.

>>679816415
Your request is never answered

>>679814790
He'll be every horror movie nemesis, how can he die first if he's immortal?

>>679816491
kek

>>679816332
the ball pressure is so high that they explode when you do so and then it takes 2 months to regenerate your ballsac

>>679816390
But you can't taste the difference between your favorite food and semen

Ability to beat Cho's high score.

>>679816415
but without power restrictions, your power does nothing.

The ability to be happy

The ability to go back in time to significant points in my life and change things.

>>679816689
But everyone you love is sad

>>679816689
faggot

>>679816689
But makes you passive depressive and you commit suicide after a couple of years

>>679816738
But you're stuck in that time

>>679816666

well thanks satan

>>679816119
you always tie your shoes together

>>679816738
you can do so but the outcome is always a bit worse then before

The ability to control interest rates

>>679816639
You turn into a stereotypical middle eastern upon completion. The mass media, afraid of being called bigots, says that you did it because you did not understand our customs and you are never honored. You become an SJW hero.

>>679816689
But you become insane

>>679816738
But you end up getting cucked in the end

>>679813512
I have a STAND

>>679816738
but you will always be hammered drunk when you get there.

Ability to breath underwater

ability to teleport anywhere

>>679816753
I guess I'd be alright with that
>>679816776
:(
>>679816787
Passive depressive?

>>679816980
Can't breath air anymore

>>679816836
But you never qualify for loans of any type, credit cards, etc

>>679816836
You become a jew with the largest hooknose around.

>>679816306
Fucking hilarious

The ability to brainwash people into thinking like me.

>>679816992
anywhere that would break your legs when you land

>>679816992
can only teleport everytime you're about to cum

>>679816836
Jew detected

>>679817144
only people over age 65

Ability to kill you in over 700 ways with my bare hands

>>679816396
Only for 5 secounds each week

Ability to have all abilities

>>679816992
Your ability actives every hour.

>>679816365
Only works on niggers

Can see into the future, any possible future

>>679817213
>All the voters

Good.

>>679817303
But they doesn't work

>>679817276
No longer remember how to use hands for everyday use

>>679817373
But only your dogs future

>>679817303
You have all the abilities but everytime you use them someone you care about dies, and if there is no left that you care about you can't use your powers.

>>679817276
But your hands are oozing cocks

>>679817373
You will die instantly afterwards.

The power to rape myself to death

>>679817373
But you have no power to change it

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Able to recognize if someone is a jew or not by sight

>>679817582
you become immortal, only while your power is active.

>>679813512
brain washing

>>679817582
but you have to do it in times square at noon

Freeze time but I can still move around and shit

>>679817663

But you're blind and can't see anything.

>>679817582
You would get pregnate no matter what gender.

>>679817582
You don't cum during it

>>679817705
then you literally have to wash a brain by hand

>>679817705
Only works on the severely retarded or those in a vegetative state.

>>679817748
You can't breathe or see when time is frozen.

>>679817748
can only shit while freezing time

>>679816992
Literally *anywhere*, not even you know where in this huge empty universe you'll appear before probably freezing to death

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>>679817755
found the jew

>>679817748
But you age 100 times faster while time is frozen

>>679813512
if you're immortal do you still feel pain? Because if you do then you fucked. it is living hell.

Ability to turn anything i touch into a dildo

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>>679817663
You are a jew yourself
Ability to harden your skin in be super tough

>>679817748
Unable to unpause and would die within an hour.

>>679817978
Those dildos will try to rape you

The ability to summon a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard. And I don’t want any zombie turkeys, I don’t want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don’t want any other weird surprises. You got it?

>>679817978
only things you don't want turned into a dildo, can be turned into one

Ability to fly

>>679817978
Just like King Midas, you cannot control this power. Everything you make any remote physical contact with turns into a dildo. Hope your hands never touch your face

>>679817978

But it only works on dildos

Complete moleculer reconstruction and deconstruction of any and all matter anytime I want

>>679818034
but you become light as a feather and a simple breeze will blow you away

>>679818083
It's rotten when it arrives

>>679818083
But the turkey is dry

>>679818083
But they'll always forget the mustard...

>>679813512
mind control that works on for all non white people

>>679818144

But you fart through a gigantic sphincter in the center of your torso literally nonstop and you can never alter this

>>679818144
You can only make things who's molecular structure you understand perfectly.

>>679818107
Only thing is you can only fly by jumping off a cliff and then falling to your death.

>>679818144
Using this ability creates black holes

>>679818265
Any and all matter.

>>679818185
Goddamit.

>>679818034
Every time you make your skin invulnerable it gets blacker permanently

>>679818238
Jews count as white.

>>679818393

Sorry faggot it doesn't work that way

>>679818265
Any and all matter

>>679818314
"Who's" should be: 'of which the'

>>679818107
Only when shitfaced drunk

>>679813512
if you touch someone, no matter how, this person immediately dies and dissolves and turns to dust.
Your sex life worsens.

>>679818083
the guy who make it for you dont wash his hands after geting a shit there is litery shit on his finger

>>679814935
You literally move your mind places. Pretty vulnerable

The ability to quietly tap on your mother's shoulder from any distance irrelevant of situation or circumstance. Yes, specifically your mother.

my superpower: massive chocolate cumshots from my magical cock.

>>679818555
Thank you for correcting me. I knew there was something wrong with my sentence.

>>679818458
can live with that thanks

>>679816415
you must roll dubs to remove restrictions

>>679818727
But you have leukemia

>>679818769

But every time you do, literally every single black person on the planet shits into your mouth.

>>679818769
You can only do it once every month.

>>679818727
You lose years in life for every tap

>>679818769
Been cursed that no one will want you

>>679818769
Your cock and cumshots taste like shit

>>679818769
You're black

Power to have a super long, strong, prehensile tongue. May be used completely surreptitiously to do stuff.

Powers that can rival Dr. Manhattan

>>679814391
but timetravel only by 1 sec/ sec and teleport by 1m/sec

The ability to forget my rain jacket when it's raining outside.

>>679817276
Forget how to fight in gorilla warfare

control lives, including my own. (I decide if you live or die)

>>679819051
And that stuff is to only lick crusty smegma'd dicks

>>679819094
It never rains

>>679819066

But every 30 seconds you develop an uncontrollable urge to shit on your own face that can never be resisted or suppressed in any way ever

>>679819066
But everyone calls you Dr. Cleveland

>>679819066
But your spine is replaced by fire ants, permanently.

>>679819051
but your tongue flops out of your mouth like a panting dog, literally all the time.

>>679819094
You also forget to not get cancer

>>679819156
But if you control someone else's life, you control over your own life worsens

>>679816738
You become the angstiest piece of shit ever and spend all of your time trying to save your angsty and stupid blue haired friend from murdering herself. After spending all of your time on this you realize you can't save her because fate or some shit.

>>679814490
you get the restriction that you feel all time you pass even if you dont age, rewind fells like food emerges out of your stomach, fast forward is real time sitting around and watching stuff. and you cant see while Pause because if everything stands still there is no moving light reaching your eyes

>>679819156
but you discover that with every decision, you're forced to make thousands of other decision, eventually becoming the engine that drives reality by simply following the rules, you loose your identity and are locked into a rubber room.

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>>679819156
Every day you get locked into an underwater dolphin cave where they rape you except for one black dolphin who you ask for mercy and he's like "no"

>>679818727
work only on the body in this word first after she dies after living a long happy and peacefull life after tiping your hand beginn to burn and you will be teleported in the city of hiroshima a 1 sec before the us guys drop the a-bomb

>>679819669
wat

Power of being average in everything

>>679819792

Except you die instantly

>>679819792
You become a cuck

>>679819792
Still manage to have a shitty love life

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The ability to do big cums

>>679819792
Except you're the best in the world at hackey sack

>>679819892

Your dick gets cut off

Impervious to physical harm.

>>679819892
Just on yourself

>>679819892
But every party you go to is shit

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>>679818984
a fate worse than death

>>679819959
in minecraft

>>679819959
But your mental state is extremely fragile

Ability too smoke a cigarette that'll never burned out

>>679819959

You're trapped in a pitch black 1 foot cell literally forever.

>>679820076
But your English is atrocious

Suck as many dicks i like to

>>679820237
You never want to

>>679820237

But you have to get shot in the face before each session

>>679820237
which is precisely zero as you're are heterosexual

>>679820237
But there are always more dicks to suck... So much so that you resort to eating only cum and you never sleep

To have the motivation to do the things I want to

>>679814391
only space given is fukushima atomicreaktor 5 sec after the fallout
only person on who its work is yourself

>>679820386
but lack the ability to follow through

Can fuck all i want whenever i want

>>679820386

But you're a quadriplegic

>>679820386
But not the ability to do them

>>679820476
having a micro-penis

>>679819792
Average for an Ethiopian

>>679820476

But it only works on dolphins and you never orgasm

>>679820476
Only animals

>>679820476
But you get fucked where you don't want, when you don't want

>>679820476
in minecraft

>>679820076
But in a bizarre parallel universe where smoking causes cancer

>>679820386
>the things you want are illegal and immoral and others always intervene to stop you, arrest you and put you back in Federal "pound you in the ass" canadian prison

>>679820732
Kek

>>679820076
Anything you accidentally set on fire with the cigarette also can't be put out

The ability to be immortal and eternally happy and blissful with any and every situation or circumstance forever

>>679820928
in minecraft

>>679818107
but only while inside 747 airplanes.

>>679820830
Nooooooooooooooooooooo

I have an ability to cure hangover.

>>679820593
top kek

Ability to live in animes world

>>679821389
But only in Boku no Pico

Shapeshifting.

>>679821680
in minecraft

>>679821303
But only on people who are not hungover.

>>679816738
You will never be able to change the fact that you're a faggot.

fuck your godamn immortality

>>679820476
You're bottom though.

This thread is shit. I have an ability to sage it.

>>679813512
but everyone on earth dies

>>679821680
Into a dildo.

The ability to check these dubs.