whats wrong /b/ro

>>679250948
I'll check them out listening to the same shit over and over gets boring

>>679251677
they're really good. most of their songs are depressing tho.

I've arranged to fuck a passable trap because I'm such a sperg with girls.

>>679251479
I've been meaning to start transitioning from male to female but I don't want to waste a year two years in therapy to get prescribed hrt guy that was guy going to get me acid for spring break bailed no friends shitty job wasting time and $ at college that I don't care about a bunch of other shit those are the main things on my phone sorry for responding so slow

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im losing faith in myself, nothin new though.

Just wanted to say that it gets better. At least that's what I'm told. I've started going to a counselor, and I'm doing my best to be more positive and optimistic. Things are hopefully looking up for me, and I think we can all make it if we try

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me right now, HA!!..

>>679252180
>>679252542
Fags

>>679252758
Thank you want to be my boyfriend :^)

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I'm actually losing my reality.
Music is starting to talk to ME, sending messages about what i should do.
That if i end it, that there'll be secrets revealed.
I ignore them most of the time, but they can be coinvincing.
I'm scared to listen to any music, especially new songs i havent heard.
New ones mean a new message that applies to today, or the near future..

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>>679253086

>>679252697
Only 20 if I were 21 I'd be drinking my sadness away too

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Really, i cant understand what's going on around me.
My visual perception is getting out of wack, like im tripping slightly.
Things will shift slightly, or "wave" subtly.
If i stare at something longer than 5-10 secs, then colors get darker, more focused, more defined.
Depth is getting to be something that im losing ablity to see, its odd.
Im dizy all the time, cant seem to walk straight..

I've never done this before, but I'll greentext my awesome life story anyway.

>Be me, 15 years old
>Social anxiety as fuck
>One day, I stop going to school and stay home
>Canthandlemyfearanymore.jpg
>One year later, still not going to school
>Daily people want to talk to me, I hide in my room
>One day, some guy wanted to get into my room and almost broke the fucking door with his banging, I went insane and cut my wrists
>He kicked in the door
>Be me, hospitalized
>Go to mental asylum
>Things don't get better
>I get depressed, life has no future without school, I'll never get money and live on the street
>Repeat this cycle 5 times, I never visited school again
>I life in a small apartment which my mom pays
>Living like a dog, only eating dry break and water
>A few years ago, I got very paranoid all of a sudden, I don't trust anyone rn, not even mom, haven't seen her in months, I think everyone wants to kill me
>Probably gonna end it all soon, my life is not for me and there is no way to change my life

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>>679253340
WOW, ok...
The feels!! They stabbed me!!

Pic is how i feel when listening most of the time, being berated..

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This.
>Just this guys

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>...

>>679253778
I think this about sums it up. We're just tired. Too scared to die so we wait for it to come to us on its own time. When the inevitable nuclear holocaust occurs, we will be the ones not rushing for the safety of bunkers and basements. No. We'll be the ones sitting in lawn chairs on our roofs, drinking a last beer, smoking a last fag, and enjoying the fireworks as we watch the world around us burn in atomic fire. Because we're too tired to run. We'll die as we lived. Alone, watching the world from afar, on high, as it all goes to shit- for good this time.

>>679253688
>Probably gonna end it all soon, my life is not for me and there is no way to change my life


There is a way. Counseling. I hope you'll give it a shot. If you wanna know what's wrong, try taking some online psychological questionnaires. I highly encourage you to talk to a doctor. I know it'll help.

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>>679254618
>too true

i just wish i knew how to speak up about how i feel

>>679255064
I did nothing but talk to doctors the last 6 years. They stopped believing that I can change, haha.
My paranoia is the worst thing though.

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>>679250589
Updated tor links for 2016

>>679254618

>We'll die as we lived

In a flash of the blade

>>679255223
Just do it. Really, it doesn't have to be fucking perfect.

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I'm drinking my last beer now, and i'm all of out of money.
>god kill me now, not this slow shit

Okay here's my story OP

>be me, 16 y/o
>played xbox live a lot as a teenager and developed a decent network of friends
>one day when I'm playing with one of my buddies, some girl joins the party
>turns out it's his sister
>now being the 16 y/o that I was, I crack a few jokes about how girls can't play games, tell her to make me a sandwich, etc. all in good fun
>she gets annoyed and ends up leaving, me and my buddy are cracking up
>fast forward like two years, about to graduate from high school
>turns out she's a pretty decent gamer, fun to joke around with and decently attractive as well
>eventually one night we're all playing together, and buddy says he's got to get off because he has work, leaving us two in the party
>we play for a bit, talk a bit, and then shit starts to get flirty
>asking each other questions that get more and more sexual as the night goes on
>after a few hours stuff is starting to get pretty intense, i'm sporting a raging boner
>"mmm all this talking is starting to make me... a little 'hot n bothered' if you know what I mean..." she says
>fuckyeah.jpg
>proceed to have "phone sex" over xbox live until we both cum as she's moaning my name over the mic
>we talk for a little more and then decide it's getting pretty late and decide to hit the sack
>last thing she says is, "that was pretty fun, maybe we'll have to do it again some time"
>get the best sleep ever that night

>>679255287
This is exactly how I feel I know all my problems yet I just hope they will magically change

>>679255340
In a corner, forgotten by the world? One man and his honor?

>>679255577
>from this point on I'll refer to her as Megan
>after this night, Megan and I start talking all the time, and not just on xbox live
>we text constantly throughout the day, and spend an hour on the phone every night, with phone sex becoming a regular thing
>eventually we decide to start "dating"
>I had been in relationships before, but none like this, I was so happy
>we would always tell each other about how glad we were to have finally found someone we truly "loved"
>now remember, I was just about to graduate high school and was in the process of applying for college
>she lived in south texas and one of the schools I was applying to was UT because of it's great CS program (ending up transferring to another major anyway)
>Megan was also graduating and would be going to another school in Texas
>this meant we might actually get to have a real relationship, not just online
>we would talk all about how great it was gonna be when we were finally able to really be together
>I still remember the day I told her I was accepted and would be moving down there, she started crying out of happiness
>it seemed like everything was going perfectly, a magical future awaited us both
>but, as I'm sure most anons know, things rarely turn out as perfectly as imagined...

>>679255577
I waited for a twist, but this is gold. I wish I was a teenager again and did shit like that. I spent my teenager years inside talking to nobody kek

>>679255724
>over the course of the months following that first night, I started to notice a bit of a change in our relationship
>she was becoming more and more distant
>the time it took her to respond to texts become longer and longer, sometimes hours at a time
>our nightly phone conversations experienced a similar decrease in frequency and length, along with the phone sex
>I started to get worried
>why was she taking so long to respond?
>was it something I did?
>no.... that couldn't be it, nothing had changed that I could see, and the time we did talk was still great, she still told me she loved me all the time and about how excited she was for me to move
>but then, over time, even that started to decrease
>less "I love you's", less excitement
>I didn't know what was going on but I was afraid to lose her
>foolishly I thought if I showed more enthusiasm, she would do the same as well
>little did I know this is rarely effective and can even be detrimental
>our relationship was on a downhill path and there was nothing I could do to figure out why
>and it started to eat away at me, little by little

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I can't help but think that this isn't all there is.
That there is honestly i huge secret that we sunconsiously know is there.
That we are being lied to, or that there is a huge, huge secret that cant be revealed yet.
We as humans are too spirtual, too united to be just worker drones, slaving away for the next paycheck.
>There is a hidden message out there, but do we wanna know what it is?!

>>679255687

The smell of resigned leather
The steely iron mask
As you cut and thrust and parried at the fencing master's call.
He taught you all he knew
To fear no mortal man
and now you'll wreak your vengeance in the
Screams of evil men.

You'll die as you lived
In a flash of the blade,
In a corner forgotten by no one.
You lived for the touch
For the feel of the steel
One man, and his honor.

>>679255910
>the reality of my fears came crashing down on our 3 month "anniversary"
>I had to get up early that day to catch a flight to visit my dad (parents were divorced), so right before I left I sent her a long text wishing her a happy anniversary and the usual love filled comments about how soon it would be before we would be together
>as I got off the plane, I remember turning my phone off airplane mode and closing my eyes just praying there would be a text, some sign of reciprocation of my feelings
>instead I saw a voicemail
>Megan never left voicemails
>still remember the exact quote, "hey.. anon..."
>long dramatic pause
>"I can't do this anymore.. It's just not working... I'm sorry"
>and that was it
>no explanation, no attempt at consolation, nothing
>just a simple statement of fact, "it's over"
>I walked through the terminal of the airport somewhere between shock and utter grief, trying my damndest to hold back the tears
>I thought it was the end of our "perfect" relationship... if only that had actually been true

>>679256070
I ALWAYS KNEW I WAS MISHEARING THAT ONE LINE. FUCK ME. But God what a song. FotB and Passchendale are my Maiden jam.

>>679255958
If reality is a prison, who's the warden of my cell?

>>679256202
>needless to say, I was devastated
>everything I had tried so hard to keep was gone
>for about 3 weeks I just moped around, feeling totally at loss
>but eventually I started to get over it
>after all, college was just around the corner and a new bright future awaited me
>By mid august, I had registered for my classes and was ready to start my adult life and move out on my own
>but then, about a week before I moved down there, Megan texted me
>”hey anon… I’m sorry about the ways things turned out. If you can, let me know when you move down here… Maybe we can try again”
>I should have told her to fuck off right then and there
>Instead, a week passes and I move down there
>settle into my dorm, got a cool nerdy roommate on a pre-med track, looking like it’s gonna be a good semester
>foolishly I decide to text Megan, “Just moved in to my dorm”
>we proceed to chat nonchalantly about our different schools and how it’s going to be different living away from home
>no mention about getting back together from either of us
>eventually she mentions, “yeah I’m excited, I’m just a little worried about how I’m gonna fit in, I don’t know anybody here and think I might be kinda lonely at first”
>my idiot brain tells me “this is my chance”
>”Uh, well maybe I could I could come over the weekend, ya know, just to hang and see the campus”
>Nice going dipshit

Dear /b/ I hate my fucking life so much
>be me beta as fuck get a wonderfully grill
>keep in touch on kik and everything was heaven.
>until she stops reading my messages
>le me break up with her cause paranoid she is cheating with some1 but get together again for a while until few weeks again I broke up with her
>me thinks I'm happy but 1year later I realise I miss her to bits
>from that day I far to her pics
>having sleep problems cause cant get her out of.my mind

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>>679250589
Me, right now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2u53cLtbSMk

>>679255577
Pasta

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>>679256299
You are.
You, and everone else, have lock yourself in a cage ina sense.
Why you did it, you'll have to ask after this "life"
There was something before this, not necessarily religious, but an event beforehand.
We did this to ourselves, and we wont know the true answer till it's too late to spread the word.

>>679256848
Nope, this is most definitely my story

>>679256975
Continue, I am interested.

>>679256492
>"oh... well if you're sure, I'd love if you came over for the weekend :)"
>literally insta-boner
>two days later I'm packing up all my shit and about to head to the Greyhound station with 2 nights in a hotel booked near her college (didn't have a car freshman year and her dorm was girls only, guys not allowed to spend the night)
>it was about a 5 hour bus ride, and I could barely sit still from pure excitement
>this was finally it! I was finally gonna be able to see her in person! No more talking over phones, no more webcam chats, this was for real
>5 hours later I step off the bus, and she's there, leaning against her car with the most beautiful smile I've ever seen
>we rush towards each other and give a huge hug
>the feeling of giving somebody a hug who you have a deep relationship but have never physically touched before is beyond words
>the warmth of her body, her arms around me, it was like a fucking orgasm
>we stop for some fast food and then head back to her dorm
>while riding the elevator up to her dorm, I get the brilliant idea that we should call her brother (my buddy)
>I call him from her phone, and he picks up, "what do you want, home sick already? jeez it's been like a week"
>I reply, "sup bro?"
>"HOLY SHIT ANON IS THAT YOU??!! WHAT THE FUCK?"
>lulz were had
>later on I'm up her in dorm and we're just sitting on her bed, joking about her brother and just generally enjoying good conversation
>eventually the conversation dies away and we're just looking in each other's eyes
>we kiss, smile at each other, and kiss some more
>after a bit we're full on making out, and then she pulls back a bit
>"let's go to the hotel anon"

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I haven't even hugged a girl in over a year. The girl I was planning on asking to prom told me she wasn't interested in me. I don't have any friends. Just your typical /b/tard problems

I have to choose between leaving someone I love to die alone or watch her die slowly as the disease she has slowly eats her brain and spine.
So /b/ wat do?

>>679256296
Powerslave in general is just a great album, perhaps their overall best

>>679252180
>>679252542
>>679252974
Not the same person as before, but
Fags

>>679257234
Yeah, same here... Maybe one day we will escape out future as faggots.

>>679257108
>spend all weekend having fucking amazing sex, the first time for me
>couldn't be happier, it's literally exactly like I had dreamed so many months ago
>after the weekend's over, we finally talk about whether we should get back together
>she's all for it, and of course I am too
>I feel sad as I get on the bus back to Austin but happiest I've ever been at the same time
>over the next month things go back to how they were in the beginning
>texting all the time, calling each other daily, no phone sex since we both had roommates but our texts tried to make up for that
>all in all, shit was just going fucking great

>>679250589
Never seen pic before. I've been browsing /b/ nonstop for the past few days.
Just realized I've been subconsciously trying to tone out all the shit that's been going on.
This fucked with me.

>>679257372
Iron Maiden in general. I'm not familiar with their albums- more individual songs. I started listening to them when I was like 14, and also always loved Brave New World (which is obviously reminiscent of the book).

>>679257343
Hard decision. She needs you. You should stay by her side till the end.
But since I am a fucking asshole, I would leave the country. I can't handle shit like this.

>>679257372

Amen.

>>679257451
>then something happened
>after about a month of getting back together, I get a call from her brother, also one of my best friends
>he's telling me about how some girl he used to date broke up with him and was spreading lies about him all around school (he was a year younger and still in high school)
>he was practically in tears, started saying some crazy shit about how maybe it would be better if he just offed himself
>but then said nah, he could never go through with it... "maybe I'll just call 9/11 and go death by cop"
>throughout all of this I'm telling him it's gonna be okay, pleading him not to do it and that I'll come and visit him soon, not to worry
>"look bro, I'm here for you, okay? Don't do this shit. Don't let some bitch ruin this for you"
>finally he agrees I'm right and we end on a good note
>everything seems like it's going to be okay
>then I got the phone call

>>679257637
Want to get it off your mind? I'll happily listen.

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So there is a loaded shotgun, in my periferial, at all times.
I think this might be a slight cause of my problems, cause its the easy answer to all my questions.
I truly feel all the answers to all questions will be revealed on "departure", and i need to know whats going on.
I cant help but think it'll only hurt for a few seconds, then it'll be done for good.
But what if im wrong?
Why do i have this huge urge to off myself, not out of true misery/pain, but to simply find out the missing answers?
I feel more and more dran to the thinking every single night.
I'm just quitting on life, i need to know whats going on.

>>679254618
Perfect description

>>679257810
>Megan calls me sobbing
>she keeps trying to get the words out but every time fails in a mixture of agonizing screams and hyperventilation
>"it's... it's... about... my brother"
>to this day, I have never had such a sinking feeling in my chest
>it was disgusting, revolting, complete and utter horror at the prospect of what was going to come next
>I felt as thought I could never take another breath but at the same time wanted to vomit out my entire digestive tract
>"he's...he's.... DEAD" followed by a burst of sobbing
>for a second I was speechless, literally incapable of making my vocal cords work
>eventually, I managed to spit out, "jesus... oh my god... no .... Megan I am so sorry. I am so fucking sorry"
>she cried into the phone for another 10 seconds and then just hung up, and I didn't hear from her again for the rest of the day despite my texts and calls
>that was the single worst day of my entire life

>>679257675
BNW is what got me into Iron Maiden, specifically Ghost of the Navigator. If you haven't listened to Majesty by Ghost you should check it out, similar in style

Feels music

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XaSVkb_XLt4

>>679257997
>the following is information I gathered over the course of the next few weeks
>turns out his dad come home from work and was wondering where his son was
>he wasn't in his room, anywhere else in the house, or at the grandparent's house next door (she lived on a ranch with her brother and parents, along with the mother's parents in a house on the same plot of land)
>his dad walked around the property and eventually found him
>lying on the ground, .38 revolver next to him, flip phone still open and lying next to him
>bullet wound through the skull a few inches behind the temple
>Megan's aunt drives up to pick her up the next day and takes her back to her house
>the whole time I'm in fucking shambles, in grief for the loss of my friend, and incredibly worried about Megan
>I hardly hear from her at all over the next few days
>I try my best not to send her too many texts or call her but it's difficult
>end up simply asking her when the funeral is and that I want to come down and pay my respects
>she agrees and says I can stay at her house
>however, she makes sure to make sure clear one important fact, a fact that will ultimately destroy our relationship years down the road
>her parents don't know who I am, that I went to see her, or that we're dating
>all they know is that I was her brother's friend on xbox live

>>679257997
I've had a similar experience like this anon.

/b/ro it's tough but it gets better.

>>679257822
Sure, I could use an ear, but homework is calling, so I'll give the short version.
Grades have been slipping this semester because I'm taking all hard as fuck classes.
Just lost a job that I loved and had been doing for over 10 years (not primary income source though).
My dog is getting really old and will probably be put down sometime next week.
I owe the IRS almost $500 in taxes thanks to working in a tipped position.
In general just tired of waking up in the morning to go to class.

>>679258101
I got into Maiden because I used to be a cadetfag and one of my officers introduced me to them. Hell, I got into Rush because another cadetfag told me about 2112. I've been into rock in general as long as I can remember. I dig just about anything with nice lyrics, wicked guitar and a heavy bassline. I loved Ride the Lightning as a baby and grew up with Pearl Jam, AC/DC and G'n'R in my house a lot.

>>679256492
Keep going anon, I'm reading.

>>679250589
That's why I always have my hentai statues by my side
http://1312484.igenapps.com/go-figure#0

>>679258423
>hop on another Greyhound and get there around 11PM
>Megan's sitting there waiting for me with a bunch of her brother's friends
>we silently hug and then file into one of the friends' car and drive 40 minutes back to her house
>upon arrival we walk into the house and her mom is sitting there, quietly crying into her hands, dad's nowhere to be seen
>she looks up, sees we're there, and immediately gets up and hugs me without saying a word
>"you only knew him over the internet... and you came all this way just for him... you don't know how much that means to me"
>the next day we attend the funeral
>sadasfuck.png
>Megan and her mother both had to excuse themselves for a few minutes to cry their eyes out in the back
>stay the rest of the weekend, try to console her as best as I can, and then hop back on the bus to Austin
>over the course of the next week I give my best effort to see how Megan's doing, but don't hear much from her
>about a week and a half after the funeral, she breaks up with me
>so now it's pretty clear right? this relationships is a failure. too much shit has happened, it's time to finally move on, right?
>wrong

I don't mean to be pity, but is noone reading what i have to say?
I thought atleast one person who comment something, that someone would acknowledge i'm pouring my heart out here.
Fuck me i guess, atleast i tried whole heartily.

>>679257997
I just got out of a relationship with a girl named Megan. Worst part is we did make eachother happy for most of it. But she was an egotistical manic depressive and I'm paranoid with low self esteem because of past relationships. Sufficed to say it only took one week for the relationship to take a tail spin and everything come crashing down.

>>679257720
I've been dealing with this for a year and I'm starting to get burned out. Just turned 25 this past week and she is only 23. I'm going to stay because It's what I would want but it's the most depressing thing ever. I want to say it's worse then Me having to identify my dad's body and seeing blood trickling from his eyes but to be honest that image still haunts me

I'm not able to have a gf. When i have i cant sleep more than 4 hours. I woke up whit extreme sweat. I got stressed and my han starts pealing. So i look nice, women love me but o never have a mormal relationship.

>>679258743
I am reading the greentext story if that is you. Waiting for it to finish. You're not alone.

>>679258847
>manic depressive
I feel the same way anon

>>679258743
I'm reading it as well, thoroughly engaged

>>679258735
so sad

>>679258854
It is the right thing that you stay. Try not to get too burned out. Shit like that can kill you on the inside too. Been there, done that. Stay, though.

>>679258576
I can relate in the tired aspect. Got into a relationship with a woman I love but she drained me so bad I didn't have the energy to go to my classes also I was working a full time job as a server. It's moments like these that will build your character, you just need a goal to strive for. Something tangible like a motorcycle or whatever you are into.

>>679257848
I get you exactly! I've wanted to kill myself so many times out of just pure curiosity. I'm the kind of person who can't stand not having the answers, and there's always the one question that eludes me. SO close, yet so far away,

>>679258735
>for the next month and a half, I'm in the worst state I've ever been
>this made the previous breakup look like a fucking cakewalk
>not only did one of my best friend's blow his brains out but my perfectly relationship that had so much potential is gone
>I sink into a crippling depression
>I'm up till 4-5 AM every day because I can't sleep
>every time I close my eyes I hear her voice sobbing about her dead brother
>all the while, I've never told anybody about the last conversation I had with him
>find out that his parents honest to god believe it was an accident, trying to tell anyone and everyone that's what it was and he was so excited for the future and would never do this
>inside I know I have the inconsequential proof that they're wrong, that it was suicide without a doubt
>but I keep it bottled inside
>not really sure why, maybe to spare their feelings, maybe because I felt like I would be blamed for not telling someone
>and there's even a small part of me that questions, "are they right? could I have stopped this?"
>not fun questions to ask yourself in the pits of total despair

>>679258735
I am so fucking focused on your story rn, continue please

>>679258735
Love it bro keep going

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>>679258987
no greentext from me guys, but continue supporting the other anon.
Ima go drown myself with a shower, lol.

>>679259274
>pretty much stop going to class unless it's necessary, just wallow in my bed
>because I'm up so late I'm constantly tired, never hungry even though I should eat, and unable to derive enjoyment from anything
>I remember patiently waiting in the mornings until my roommate left for class so I could sob into my desk and slam my fist against the wall over and over
>slowly these horrible feelings being to manifest into dark thoughts
>any point of continuing life is slowly evaporating and there's nothing I can do to stop it
>over time my thoughts become less and less abstract, more and more vivid
>how would I do it?
>what about my family?
>I used to aimlessly walk around the city for hours and hours contemplating what lied in store for me
>I eventually made the decision that I would go and see my family one last time over winter break, just to finalize things the way I wanted
>had I not made that decision, I doubt I would be here today to write this story

>>679259052
It sucks because there is no clear way to help them. Only be there for them and trust they don't fuck you over, problem is I just have trouble trusting women.

>>679259254
Luckily the end of the semester is only a few weeks away, so I'm working toward that right now.
April has always been terrible for me though.

>>679259220
> implying there is anything left in me to die

>>679259274
I think I am currently feeling like you felt, it's 6am in Germany and I feel so empty. But continue.

>>679259405
>go back home for winter break
>being away from all my old friends and family for so long really made me realize how much my suicidal notions were being fueled by loneliness
>I simply didn't have the option to just wallow in my room all day because my life was suddenly full of plans
>at first it sucked, but as time went on I began to exclude Megan and her brother from my mind more and more
>now I want to make clear I was a long way from being content, but the mental downtime was enough to make life tolerable
>I wasn't suicidal anymore, just depressed, and it seemed to be waning
>and of course, right on cue, who sends me a text?
>fucking Megan
>she asks how I'm doing, I do the same, and the usual nonchalant chat
>no offer to get back together this time though, simply a greeting
>she seems to be doing a lot better, albeit still sad, and this boosts my spirit immensely
>we chat on and off through the break, but there's never any indication we should get back together or anything of that sort
>even end up almost fucking another girl but her mom decided to randomly wake up at 1 AM and spoil our fun
>honestly, things seem to be on the rise
>go back to school for the second semester with a totally new outlook
>making more friends, going to classes regularly, even asked a few girls for their numbers
>Megan and I are still chatting on and off but we're both pretty careful about avoiding the subject of our relationship
>the semester goes by in a flash
>shit's going really well, I have a dope ass job doing web development lined up for the summer and loving the CS program so far
>even Megan's doing a lot better, seems to be more light hearted during conversations and is able to talk about her brother without breaking down crying within 10 seconds
>right as the semester is about to finish with a good summer in store, she asks if I’d like to come hang out at her parents’ ranch for the weekend

>>679259828
>what could go wrong, amirite?
>I head down there and things seem to be much better
>her mom is in better spirits and I actually get a chance to talk to her dad
>the night before I leave, Megan and her mom start arguing about some bullshit in the kitchen
>I’m sitting in the living room watching the second Transformers movie trying to ignore their bickering but feeling increasingly awkward so I decide to step outside and walk around the ranch for a bit
>after about 20 minutes Megan comes out, “I was wondering where you went”
>I reply, “yeah sorry I felt kinda weird about overhearing you guys so I decided to take a walk”
>She smirks and says, “Eh, mothers and daughters fight sometimes, it happens, but we’re good now”
>we stand there for a bit in silence, looking up at the stars, and then she says, “anon… what if we-…. I dunno…”
>”what?”
>”well, what if we gave it another go? for good this time”
>I pondered it for a sec
>I should have said no. I really should have fucking said no
>”for good this time? You promise?”
>”Yes. On one condition. I want you to ask my parents if it’s okay”
>so I went in and asked her mom if she would be okay if we dated
>As I asked her, I distinctly remember that she was facing toward the counter cutting up some onions
>”that would be fine with me”, her tone seemed pleasant enough but she continued to look at the counter
>if only I was wise enough to decipher the magnitude behind this seemingly insignificant fact
>turned out it made all the difference in the world

>>679259687
well good luck man. I just got dumped a few days ago and realized there is nothing left for me here. Lost most of my fair weather friends this past year and had a hand full of bad relationships that lead to nothing. If this one worked out I was planning on staying here and finishing my master in history and Econ. Making a life with her, but now I have no reason to stay and I'm going to go back packing around India and China. Do some wolf farming and see the world before I die.

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>>679258321
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gO7uemm6Yo

>>679260039
>so it was official, Megan and I were back together again, “for good”
>that summer was a fucking blast
>I was working 50-60 hours a week but I was loving my job and making a shit ton of money to boot
>by this time I had a car and was making trips every weekend to go see Megan who had moved in with a friend near her college
>sex all weekend every weekend, while making a fuckton of money during the week working on a multi-billion dollar web project
>after a very successful summer, I went back to school for my second year
>things were going absolutely great
>I continued to make trips to see her every weekend and we had a great time, playing video games, drinking, smoking weed, and fucking like bunnies
>we used to get high as fuck with her roommate in the garage and just surf threads on /b/
>there was one problem though
>even though her parents knew we were together, they didn’t like the idea of us spending weekends together (because of the obvious implication of sex)
>as a result, Megan neglected to tell them that I was coming over on a weekly basis
>I knew this wasn’t the best situation, but I didn’t care
>they were HER parents, not mine, we were both legal adults, and frankly, I could have given two shits
>I was having weekly sex with a girl I loved who played video games, surfed /b/, and preferred to spend the night getting high playing Mario Kart over going to some shitty college party
>literal perfection

>>679260237
The feels....i have this on my phone and listen from time to time.

>>679260522
This is where things go wrong

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>>679260522
Reading this while listening to Mad World

>>679259584
I know. The worst thing is the fact that that doesn't help. No matter how much you let them know you're there for them and willing to help with anything, it's never enough. And it eats away at even the most sane individual

>>679260671
Love always goes wrong until it goes right. A Jew told me that.

>>679260522
>this continues for the rest of my sophomore year
>the end of the year rolls around and I’m about to go back to the previous job I had before
>but one day her mom calls me out of the blue
>starts telling me how Megan failed all of her classes and that apparently she hasn’t been going to class for the last 2 months
>in this time frame I actually DROVE her to class one of those days
>I immediately drive over there to find out what the hell is going on
>she’s at work (at a video game store, like are you fucking kidding me), and when I get there I can’t find her because according to her coworker, she’s in the backroom “sorting stuff”
>I go to the backroom door and knock several times and then I just get this text, “just go to my place, I’ll be there later”
>so I drive to her place and chill for a bit until she gets home
>she opens up the door to her room while I’m sitting there watching Breaking Bad and just bursts into tears
>says she’s horribly depressed and that’s why she hasn’t gone to any classes and how every night driving home from work she has fantasies of just driving off the road into a guard rail at 70mph
>don’t even know how to respond, just try to comfort her
>so much for the “perfect” relationship

>>679260522
Fuck

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>>679260606
It's a pretty good song.
How was ur day anon?

>>679260868
>summer goes by like nothing
>I continue to go and see her and everything seems like it’s normal, usual activities resume, but I know deep down it’s fucked up, something’s coming
>in the beginning of August she calls me and has a long talk about how she went home and saw a psychiatrist and that she’s been put on anti-depressants and will be moving back in with her parents
>of course, I do nothing but support her, tell her I’ll always be there for her, the usual stuff
>and thus begins the decay

>>679260768

Tears for Fears or Gary Jules?

>>679261072
Still reading this story anon, pls continue

>>679261072
I've been having similar issues with my long-distance relationship. She's depressed, hasn't talked to me in 2 weeks now, and I'm starting to freak out. At least it's could be worse, you know? I could be in your shoes.

>>679260791
So true I'm a full time student and I work full time. Add her in the mix and I started to stop going to my morning classes. Weird thing is I did love her but when she ended it I wasn't really sad. I shed a tear and my best friend gave my a hug and his vape. But without her constantly making me a paranoid wreck my life is getting back to normal. Only thing that sucks is that I need to find another girl thats good to me.

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>>679261194
Gary, more depressing version really goes with the story.

>>679260228
Good for you making the best of a bad situation. Best of luck to you as well.

>>679261072
>I continue to see Megan every weekend but the dynamic has changed considerably
>Now she’s always at her parents’ house, and they seem to very strict about any intimate contact
>I always have to sleep on the couch, noticing that her mom seems to get up frequently making sure I’m still there, as if I’m always under suspicion
>On top of that, she works most of the time I’m there anyway so I’m usually stuck awkwardly waiting at her house
>her dad doesn’t’ seem to care as much as the mom, but that could also be because he’s usually drunk every night I’m there (not that I’m complaining considering he was always offering me beer)
>and there’s something about the rest of the family too
>I constantly get the strange vibe that I’m not welcome there, like I’ve done something horribly wrong, but I don’t know what it is
>this goes on for several months
>and then one night, shit hits the fan
>Megan, her dad, and I are all out drinking by the fire
>eventually, everybody’s pretty wasted and we decide to call it quits

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A must in any feels thread. Incredibly heavy feels.

>>679261335
>once we’re inside, I lay down on the couch and close my eyes to prep for sleep
>almost asleep and then Megan and her dad start arguing
>her dad starts saying stuff about how he knows I went over to see her without them knowing and he calls her a “fucking whore”
>she screams back “Yeah? Why don’t you beat me like you beat your wife?!”
>holyfuck.wma
>I hear the sound of two solid punches land, and Megan screams
>still lie there like a pussy pretending to sleep because I don’t know what to do and I’m afraid if I get up her dad will fight me (he used to be in the army and weighs 250lbs)
>mom comes out and starts yelling at the dad that he’s going to wake me up
>pissed off dad stumbles into his room and passes out, mom follows suit shortly
>I get up off the couch and try to console Megan who is crying in her room
>”This is fucked up, this is ABSOLUTELY NOT OKAY, you need to get out of here”
>Megan turns towards me and viciously says, “why didn’t you try to stop him??!!”
>don’t even know what to say
>eventually drunkenness overcomes us and we pass out
>the next day I say goodbye to her parents (who think I was asleep the entire time) and go home

>>679261328

Good choice, my man.

>>679261072
The anti depressants always start destroying the relationships in my experience.

>>679261042
Was alright for most of the day.... Let me get a greentext started. May take a minute I'm on phone and not pre typed.

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>>679261517
Now I'm listening to Black Hole Sun

>>679261410
Holy shit, need more of this story. I swear to god, if there's any dinosaur walking...

I hate being here for people saying "it gets better" when I know it never will. But I hate not being able to help others. I just wanna die, not kill myself just die.

>>679261717

Same

>>679261851
How do you know it won't get better for the person? If you make an effort for them it will get better, they may not be able to see it but it does get better

>>679261851
Same. I still have something keeping me from pulling that trigger, but I wouldn't try to stop someone else pulling it, you know?

>>679261410
>barely sleep for the next week, the event of her dad hitting her playing over and over in my head just like when her brother off’d himself
>go home for winter break again, my parents know nothing
>the day after Christmas, Megan tells me she can’t stand being with her parents anymore and asks to move in
>without thinking, I say yes
>later that night as I’m about to go to bed, I get a call from her mom’s cell phone
>I answer and it’s her dad, I can hear Megan crying the background
>”So I hear from Megan that she’s gonna come live with you.”
>I begin to reply but then he says, “Nah don’t give me any of that bullshit. You’ve been going over to see her every weekend, haven’t you? Yeah you have. You think you’re a man? You’re not a man, you’re a spineless piece of shit. So please, come pick her up. But don’t you dare take on step on my property because if you do I will fucking shoot you dead. And even if you aren’t, I still might”
>I’m practically shitting myself at this point, but try to respond, and he cuts me off once again, “And you better take damn good care of her, because if I EVER find out that you did her wrong in ANY way, I swear to god it will be the end of you. I know more than a few people in Austin who would do some time in prison for me.”
>he then insists that I go wake up my parents so he can tell them “what a little shit I am” and after I refuse, he hangs up
>literally quivering in my bed all night

>>679261717
Isn't that pic a song from joji Miller?
I think its called "medicine"

>>679261851
I think the saying should be "It gets better or worse." If you kill yourself now, you'll never know, if it actually would have gotten better. If it would have gotten worse, you could still kys.

>>679253610
This is where I'm at right now.

>>679253688
Anon how long have you isolated yourself from society if at all? Sounds like psychosis if you was me. Get help.

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>>679262148
Not really sure, picked it up earlier on a thread.

>>679262093
This is fucked

>>679262093
What a fucking prick of a dad. He hits her and has the nerve to say that shit? I'd fucking... do what you did... Fuck. There goes my nerve... and my confidence... and my everything.

>>679262093
>next day, Megan finally texts me back, “hey so I’m sorry about what happened last night”
>sorry??? Oh, you’re FUCKING SORRY?
>proceed to argue with her over the next few hours about how this is totally fucked up and there’s no way in hell I’m endangering my own life to pick her up
>she gets super pissy with me and says she was counting on me and now I’ve let her down
>notthistime.wav
>tell her it’s over, I’m not picking her up
>she says, “FINE, DON’T BOTHER CONTACTING ME AGAIN”
>2 days later I get a message, “anon , we have to talk”
>I’m about to go full rage mode when she says, “I think I’m pregnant”
>another sinking feelings hits me only slightly better than when we she told me her brother was dead
>out of all the situations to get a girl pregnant, this has gotta be one of the worst
>she tells me about how her period is a week late and that she’s been getting cramps and feeling all moody
>”but I thought you were on birth control, wtf???”
>”Yeah, but I forgot to take it for a few days”
>forgot to take it for a few days
>are you FUCKING kidding me
>says she’ll buy a pregnancy test tomorrow and let me know
>literally shit bricks (no I’m serious, I had massive diarrhea), for the next two days
>finally she sends the texts, “Well, happy ‘Your Not A Father’s Day’”
>I had never been so relieved in my entire life

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>>679262093
Jesus

>>679261646
>>679261042
Let me get some back story out of the way first
>Hot chick at work, really nice super sexy
>Don't think much of it other then she's hot
>I find I can't stop thinking about her
>Just wait it will go away, she's in a relationship as am I
>Talk to a coworker and 3 friends about it
>All tell to ignore it and let it pass, ok I will try
>Weeks go by nothing changes
>Not even sure why I can't get her off my mind

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>>679262426
Holy shit, dodged a fucking bullet

>>679262216
Everything happens for a reason. It's just most of the time you don't get the good reason. I got an old ex best friend who is with the first woman I've ever loved. He and her got something that never would have happened if she didn't get into a relationships then cheat on me like I was nothing to her.

>>679262558
That reply in that context with that pic - I kekd. :^)

>>679262043
I still say it to them I just don't believe it.

>>679262426
Conclusion:
>despite the relief of no kiddies on the way, I was still mortified
>I continued to remain in contact with her after that but it was clear from that point there was no future for us
>never talked to her parents again, haven’t seen her since, but I still hear from her every now and again (this was over two years ago)
>there was one night about half a year after this where I woke up and saw that I had a missed call from mom
>I asked her about it and she said she didn’t know anything about it, but I highly doubt that was the case
>she’s been a few fucked up relationships since then, although I think her parents’ and her got along a lot better after I was out of the picture. Guess they really fucking hated me

Probably will be emotionally scarred from this forever

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>>679262426

>>679262083
That's exactly what I feel. I actually hope for it to happen.

>>679262663
You're welcome. Figured we needed a little kek to balance the feels.

>>679262672
Idk man. Life just sucks sometimes.

>>679262732
thanks for the story anon.

>>679262796
I don't HOPE for it to happen, not actively at least, but it would be nice to not be alive anymore.

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>>679262504
Keep going.

>>679262594
I left my girlfriend, who I still love, a few months ago, because of the fact that I am suicidal and I didn't want her to know and shit.

She was sad, but she got over me finally.
I am happy, that she is happy but I am so scared of the day I see a pic of her and a new hot boyfriend on her Instagram.

Any advise on how to react when that happens?

>>679262732
Jesus, those feels. 10/10

>>679262732
Damn man. It's probably good you are out of that situation though. That's crazy fucked. Don't blame yourself for shit that happens. She doesnt exactly seem stable.

>>679262732
Christ, all I can say is that sucks.

>>679262732
I'm surprised you didn't pick her up. You two shared such a life together.

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>679262732

>>679262948
You let her go, /b/ro. You accepted that this would happen. I'd recommend just blocking her or something so you don't tear yourself up more.

>>679263110
>>679262732

>>679262504
>GF and I had been fighting non stop at the time
>Fast forward a few weeks and we finally fix things for real (still going good)
>Tells me about guy at work she had crush on
>I let her explain it and it is the same situation I am in
>Tells me she is letting me know because she felt like shit
>Ask what she did to get over it
>Tells me she just told him she had a crush on him
>After getting it off her chest she feels better and gets over it

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sorry for tumblr, faggots

>>679262948
Don't do anything man. I left my ex who was the love of my life over being stupid and drunk. She accused me of cheating while I was on b late at night. I got mad because I was drunk. Drove drunk to base and made a big deal out of it. Now she is living the life and I'm just a lonely ass motherfucker who is still getting laid but I don't care about them like her. Just walk on by dude. Stop checking her shit.

>>679263128
I know, I let her go and that's fine by me. I am kind of over her too, but damn, I am so scared of that day. I don't want to block her though, but I might have to, thanks anon.

>>679263287
Thanks, dude. I'll try to stop checking her social media. I pretty much do that every 30 mins or so, shit's crazy.

>>679262948
Well that happened to me when I saw the pic of her and my best friend together on Facebook. I just picked the option to not see her posts and continue with my trip to the grocery store. It's a shame she did help you with your depression.

This one goes for a while, but It's worth the read.
Pretty crappy for my 21st birthday.

>Be me, 21
>Throwing the biggest party of my fucking life.
>Some retard who has supposed to bring drinks forgets.
>The duty is placed upon me, of all people.
>It's late, but I know stores that are probably open.
>Walking down an ugly street. Really dead gardens, houses with chipping paint.
>The orange glow of the streetlights throws rays of colour onto the hard grey surface of the asphalt.
>Getting really poetic.
>Walking along, not really minding the fact that i'm usually paranoid at night in public.
>Hear soft footsteps.
>ninjamode.exe
>Turn around to see nothing.
>Except a friend of mine, who wasn't at the party.
>"hey,(lets call him frank) why weren't you at the party?"
>"I don't drink" he replies.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YaG5SAw1n0c
>He walks off, leaving me alone.
>I'm lonely. At least I know where the footsteps are coming from.

Continue?

>>679262732
Anon, this sounds like what my >>679261307 relationship will most likely turn into if it goes on like this... I just hope that it doesn't. She's my first real love, the first person who meant those 3 words: "I love you." She's been faithful to me since the beginning, even though we've broken up at least 10 times in total now... God, I miss her rn... I hope she's ok...

>>679263077
I know. It will forever haunt me how the way things ended. But in the end, I couldn't handle with it. Maybe I'm alone now, but I' m better off as a result, as fucked up as that may seem

>>679253086
relax music is just expression and is alot of times what the musician is going through. also keep in mind it's what they think they can relate to you: the listener.

>>679263471
Ya man

>>679263423
I do the same thing but not that frequently. Look man you can't let that shit consume you. I know I'll never have another one like her. I just accept it. Chances are I may not even make it long with my drinking habit. I don't mind though. My dad said it best when my mom left he pretty much said if you leave me I'm going to drink myself to death. She knows it and so do i. I think deep down she doesn't like what I've become. I'm a bitter drunk soldier who just fucks pussy when the depression isn't so bad I can hardly move. It'll pass man. Keep your head up.

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>>679263471
Sure, but either you got raped, or a dinosaur is walking (guesses main)

>>679263243
>Well I could give that a try but there is a problem
>I have worked there for 5 years and have never spoken to really any of the girls
>Have a hard time talking to people in general that I have never spoken to
>My office mate is actually her friend and tells me not to because she won't take it well
>Few more weeks go by and finally say fuck it I'm going to do it
>Problem is she sits in a centralized location and I can never catch her walking alone
>Email her asking if she gets a minute if she can drop by
>No reply, never comes by so I wait a few days

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>>679263753

>>679263732
Damn, I wish you the best, bro.
After the breakup, I took a shit ton of different drugs, I did everything to fuck myself up and forget about reality. Now I am addicted to Morphine, but I try to stop, I really do.
Keep your head up

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>>679263753
dumping from my greentext folder

>>679263666
Oh trust me I'm the king of fucking up great relationships haha. Me and her would still be together if I didn't fuck up the first time and had stopped her from flying away with another guy. Just learn from it and try to find another

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When I was young, younger than before
I never saw the truth hanging from the door
And now I'm older, see it face to face
And now I'm older, gotta get up clean the place
And I was green, greener than the hill
Where the flowers grew and the sun shone still
Now I'm darker than the deepest sea
Just hand me down, give me a place to be
And I was strong, strong in the sun
I thought I'd see when day was done
Now I'm weaker than the palest blue
Oh, so weak in this need for (you)

I'm living these lyrics right now.

>>679263543
I know how it feels anon. It's an absolutely terrible feeling, one beyond verbal expression. But honestly the best advice I can give you is to just let it go. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I swear to god it's the truth. There's nothing you can do in this situation. As much as we'd like to believe, people don't change. She will never be the idealized image you constructed of her in the beginning. It's a terrible but accurate fact

>>679262426
This story is screencap worthy. Anyone working on one?

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>>679264000

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>>679263753
>>679264000
>>679264105

>>679263471
Ok.
>keep walking.
>Hear footsteps again.
>"Frank? are you there?"
>Nothing.
>Feeling kinda tense.
>Feel like I've been walking for hours.
>Check my watch, It's already midnight, the store will be closed.
>Hell, I don't even know where I'm going.
>Completely lost.
>Start smelling sweat.
>I'm really stressed.
>It's so quiet.

Continue?

>>679263983
Get off that shit brother. I've been there done that. I'm 24 and enlisted late. The only reason I'll never fuck with hard drugs again is because I know what it does to my body and I love lifting too much. Depression is fucked up. Been battling it and substance abuse most my life. Just seems normal now but with her it was all gone.

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>>679263753
>>679264000
>>679264105
>>679264220

>>679264222
sure

>>679263809
>Finally drum up strength to go ask if she saw my email
>Says yes but thought it was our mutual friend on my email (again)
>Says she will come by in an hour or so
>Most nerve racking hour of my life
>Practicing what I will say in my head over and over
>then she walks out and I freeze
>I take a deep breath and then the beta comes out

>>679264090
Yeah, honestly, it's probably just going to get to the point where I stop trying and we just stop talking... and that's going to hurt... I'd honestly rather her send me long ranty texts and break up with me that way than have that happen. Sure, she'd hate me, but at least there'd be closure...

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>>679263753
>>679264000
>>679264105
>>679264105
>>679264220
>>679264372
Last one, and definitely the worst one. Goodnight /b/

>>679262732
Someone capped?

>>679264566
good night anon

>>679255828
>dat self-aware "kek"
>dat feeling of knowing exactly what that feeling is from experience

I wish I'd gone to prom
I wish I'd kept up with my friends
I wish I stayed fit
I wish I'd tried harder in school
I wish I'd at least tried to get a girlfriend
I wish I tried

Ya I just got dumped the other day by a woman I loved. Weird thing is I'm not crying because of her, I have been tearing up remembering a past relationship with this girl Alexis. Every time she came into my life she took something from me. The first time she flew away with my heart and destroyed my relationship with my dad. Second time she completely ruined my friendship with an old drinking buddy. And no matter how bodily I want to blame her I know we could have lived a happy life together if I didn't fuck up.

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>>679264566
Goodnight Anon

>>679264379
>Try to explain the reason I have a hard time talking to her and making eye contact
>Explain I have a crush on her through stuttering
>Looks and smiles and says "aww"
>Tell her I'm not trying to hit on her or get her number
>She quickly replies "yeah I have a bf"
>Explain how I'm telling hee to get it off my chest
>I'm hoping it will help me move past it and we can be friends
>Shakes hand and says yeah
>Apologize for my beta and possible creepiness.
>Says no it's fine and we are cool
I believed her....at first

>>679250589
I like this version more.

>>679264566
Night man

>>679264426
Indeed. Closure was never something I was able to experience. I wanted nothing more than just an explanation for why things had to be the way they were, but there never was. And it haunted me day in and day out

>>679253340
fuck me.... too goddamned true

>>679264566
Goodnight, anon. Stay random.
>>679253340
So fucking true

In like 5 minutes is my birthday
Yay

>>679264566
I had terrible parents, they only ever spoke or interacted with me if I had done something wrong or wanted me to do something.

>>679265163
Same man, doesn't help that the night before she told me she was falling in love with me.

>>679265302
Happy birthday anon.

/b/ro fist to you.

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>>679265302
Happy Birthday Anon.
Do something nice.

hey guys. I feel pretty alone and I don't know what to do about it.

>>679265302

Happy birthday man.

>>679265376
Yeah man, shit's hard. But look on the bright side, you won't make the same mistakes with your kid

I hate my body.

>>679265163
God, I feel like shit now. I've honestly spent the last month or so trying to piece it all back together, long story, short version:
>parents fuck it all up.
Anyway, I've just given up on trying to be happy. I don't know what I'm going to do in a few years from now, I'm just stuck in this painful moment.
>>679265376
Same for me, pretty much.

>>679265072
>Try to talk to her next day and she seems very short
>I haven't spoken to her much so think nothing of it
>Try again a few days later just asking how her weekend was
>One word answer
>after telling her I am suddenly more confident
> I ask her if she is sure everything is cool between us and she smiles and says yes.
>Fast forward to today (about 1-1.5 months later)
>Still very short with me and doesn't come by to talk to mutual friend any more
>On the plus side I have started talking to all the office girls
>I realized If i can talk to her I can talk to anyone.
>Finally start talking to her sister

>/b/ me 17
>just finished highschool
>parents want to move
>i have the option to stay or go with them
>i decide to go with them
>move to cali okay place right by pacific ocean
>better then old place
>first full day moved in
>me and parents get into fight
>i go for walk
>smiling happy.jpg
>beautiful day out
>sun feels good
>see nice pizza place
>go inside up to counter order regular slice
>3/10 girl at counter seems okay
>kind of annoying voice
>takes money sit an wait
>3/10 calls me over says its ready
>3/10 drops pizza on floor
>tells me she will warm up another one
>it will be free
>i say no that is okay
>she says are you sure
>i glare right at her
>as i have my hand on my glock
>under my shirt
>tempted to pull it
>calmly respond yes i am
for some reason when ever someone says are you sure i get frustrated no idea why always has been already shot someone in old place for saying it.does anyone ever realize how close they come to death on a daily basis just because you cant see it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.jpg

>>679265532
Use that loneliness to travel

>>679265614
I don't want kids because I don't trust myself not to make those mistakes.Even though last year the girl I was with miscarried, and even though I didn't want kids, I was just as devastated.

stop being a whiny faggot, do weed, get good grades, move on and do better. stop being emo

https://soundcloud.com/couchtruthing/justice4jamar

>>679265625
I feel like everything in my life would be fixed if I had a non-diseased/fit body.
Fucking. Everything.

>be me, now
>brother going to prison for child pornography
>my own life is a shitshow, early 20s but still living with parents
>they think I'm a fucking robot because I don't show emotions around them
>cry when I'm alone
>I'm their only hope for a brighter tomorrow
>wtf do I do

Seriously /b/, wtf do I do?

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>knowing the only time I've every really felt connected to someone was through drugs and I've come to realize it was most likely my own mental projections
>knowing if I met any of you irl I probably wouldn't look twice at you unless you purposefully engaged me. At which point I'd just be annoyed.
>still feeling like I can relate on this thread however.
>knowing I'm half way through life and I still can't figure out what the fuck I'm doing here.
>knowing I'll forever critize others about problems that are just things I hate about myself.
>knowing I will go through life lying to significant others about "how happy I am" with whatever I'm supposed to be happy about.
>misplacing my antidepressants and not caring enough to get a new bottle because I'm actually dreaming again after years of nothing. That and I don't believe they really did anything but numb me enough that I could sort out my problems.

My life is one big ongoing lie to myself to keep me from losing my shit.

>>679265832
>asumming everyone is as edgy as you

>>679265907
That's all life is, in the end, I'm afraid.

>>679265876
go to college bail brother out with pedo cash

Meds have stifled my creativity and I almost have to force a manic state for hyper-connectivity, otherwise I'm just an obnoxious drone that nobody wants to tolerate and I'm completely incapable of altering.
Expression of my ailments also seems futile since I lack the capacity to naturalize my language since I enjoy spitting in other people's faces, which is in direct violation of some of my core tenets.
Really piecing together my mind and personality is proving to be an arduous task since both shift faster than I'm capable of recognizing either, so I'm caught in a merciless though trap where the only satisfactory outlet is angry writing.

>>679256590
yeesh...underage /b/

>>679265876
I'm in the same position, people think I have no emotions. I don't cry at funerals, I laugh at horrible things, but no one is made of stone. Everyone has their cracks. Some people only show their cracks in private.

>>679265828
You don't trust yourself? what the fuck man. Once you've experienced this shit you won't put others through it. And i think that's why the last one hit's so hard.

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How do I find another girl without comparing her to my first best love?
No one is up to her standards.
I don't wanna' make comparisons but she's the best thing that ever happened to me.
It gets better right?

>>679265429
>>679265577
>>679265485
Thank you guys, my girlfriend broke with me on Sunday, it was more than a relationship, it was that "her". And she just told me she was going to disappear and so I have to. I couldn't cry or feel bad that moment, she made me "strong"

I Want my feelings back

>>679265302
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANON BEST OF WISHES!!!

>>679265424
Definitely doesn't help. I'm sorry bro. I hope you're able to avoid the paid and misery I endured by understanding this is simply a natural consequence of human nature. There's nothing you can do but accept it. It's a cruel and unusual fate

>>679266064
Already went and dropped out. Not because I wasn't smart, but because of personal issues. Dissociation, paranoia, apathy, and a sense of nihilism that I didn't fully understand at the time. I'm currently in a make it or break it situation.

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>>679265677
Watch that edge.
Pic related, it's you

>>679266175
Im just not a great person, I get that, I don't blame my shitty parents for it, or past events, even though i'm sure they all factor into how I am. I just don't trust myself not to fuck up like my parents did

>>679265876
My older brother has had a long series of fuckups, mainly due to his bipolar.
I know how you feel bro.
I'm pretty sure this isn't a solution, but I've just tried to detach as much as possible.
I've tried to convince myself that the family around are just meatbags that feed me and make sure I get through college, that if I fuckup it's no big deal, they aren't really feeling it.
Though, for my own sake, I'm making a real effort to succeed.

>>679265676
Conclusion
>Says I am alot more talkative now and she's glad to see it
>We talk about it and the fact of how shy I was
>Finally tell her I have her sister to thank
>She looks confused and I explain
>She says yeah she told her
>I asked how she actually took it
Her response has been eating at me all day
>She stops and bites her lip and does a awkward smile
>Only replies "not good"
>She wouldn't go into any more detail
>Just tell her yeah I give her space now but I will always have her to thank.
Well it's been a long and boring story guys but her reply is just killing me.

>>679266171
Thank you. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a sociopath because I think other people must think I'm a sociopath. I do feel, I'm just really good at tucking those emotions away until I literally can't anymore.

>>679266256
Thanks man! And everyone, it feels good... Wish you all were here

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So in public i'm a pretty easy going person, I laugh with friends, have a good time and all. However, do you ever have those moments when someone wants to talk to you and you just get mad because they're talking to you? I have sudden bursts of rage for no apparent reason. Maybe I just need help...

I want to be noticed, but I know they won't understand.

>>679265677
edgy

>>679262148
Yeah

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>>679264376
This is about where it ends. Sorry I took a while writing it up.

>I start removing the chains. Then I hear thudding footsteps from in the house.
>I speed up, in hope of escaping with the dog.
>But the door opens, and a cloud of cheeto dust smell and sweat explodes from the house.
>When I stop coughing, I look up.
> A furry.
> An obese furry, with a red dog suit, with spaghetti and Jizz stains.
>I don't want to know what he did with the dog.
>The furfag barks wildly, and howls as well. I get up and start running. Too late.
>He tackles me, and gleefully barks in my face.
>I can't move at all, and His paw covers my mouth as I try to cry for help.
>He repositions him self.
>I hear an unzipping noise, and brace myself for the unthinkable.
>Doggy style.
>I'm crying my eyes out in fear.
>He pulls my pants down, and makes "furry noises".
>He Penetrates me.
>I try to scream.
>He starts thrusting with the power of ten billion suns.
>I'm being raped.
>by a furry.
>He howls while blowing a giant load up my ass.
>He runs off, leaving me dripping with furry jizz.
>I cry for a solid 20 minutes lying on his driveway.
>I pull up my pants and go home. Everyone left the party.

Worst day of my life.
At least the dog escaped.

Good night everyone, wish you the best.

>>679266855
Oh shit. forgot the whole thing.

>I'm tearing up. What a faggot.
>This was supposed to be the best party of my life.
>I don't even know where I am.
>This is an even uglier street than before.
>I hear a dog barking. I also hear chains, so I know It won't attack me.
>I make it to the house where I hear the dog barking.
>Really, really fucked up house.
>Cluttered yard, dead lawn with dirt patches.
>Paint is absent, and you can barely tell anyone lives there.
>I look around to see a dog chained to a pole.
>A beautiful golden labrador.
>Chained up, and bruised in the face.
>I can see the sadness in his eyes.
>I begin to walk away, but it whimpers and struggles to get near me.
>Being the fuckwit I am, I become:
>"fuckwit vigilante"
>I approach the dog, and stroke it a little. He's visually happy.
>I start removing the chains. Then I hear thudding footsteps from in the house.
>I speed up, in hope of escaping with the dog.
>But the door opens, and a cloud of cheeto dust smell and sweat explodes from the house.
>When I stop coughing, I look up.
> A furry.
> An obese furry, with a red dog suit, with spaghetti and Jizz stains.
>I don't want to know what he did with the dog.
>The furfag barks wildly, and howls as well. I get up and start running. Too late.
>He tackles me, and gleefully barks in my face.
>I can't move at all, and His paw covers my mouth as I try to cry for help.
>He repositions him self.
>I hear an unzipping noise, and brace myself for the unthinkable.
>Doggy style.
>I'm crying my eyes out in fear.
>He pulls my pants down, and makes "furry noises".
>He Penetrates me.

>>679266566
I wish so too anon. I have no reason to wish so, I have plenty of friends, but you seem like a good guy and life is hard on everyone. You are a part of this community irrelevant of what other people say.

I try to interact with people as if they were trees but their tendrils tend to burrow through a transparent display that renders me an awkward wreck.
Virtually nobody can relate to the degree of alienation I experience daily and having to humanize my life for other people's benefit corrodes my spirit even further.
I'm becoming furious because I feel as if I've hit an insoluble rut and the only way out is to scream, but even then my vocal chords will rupture because I'm such an abnormally repressed, autistic manchild.

>>679266531
>>679266701
Exactly, I tuck emotions away. I just know one day i'm going to explode. I just don't know who going to be in the radius when I do. Suppressing everything all the time is what I learned to do as a kid, even if it's not good. Eventually it'll all build up, until these walls I built fall.

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Posted by an anon on yesterday's feels thread