>>677333047

If the teaser is supposed to make me want to read it: this one doesn't. Use shorter sentences and get rid of most names.

Also, you misspelled the main character's name in the first sentence.

>>677333616
Thanks a ton!

>>677333980
Tfw 4chan actually helps someone

>>677333047
Central themes were censorship and revisionism.
So your teaser should somehow note that you're not allowed to speak about the story. But if you can work in a contradiction at the end, that would work pretty well.

Big Brother wasn't a person. It was an idea used by the government to keep to people inspired and to hate Goldstein (Whatever his name was). So far, pretty good, except like the other dude said, use shorter sentences, and also explain who Julia is and maybe more of what Winston does.

>>677335163
Remeber i have a shortage of senteces already

>>677335261Leave out the Oceania part because that's not significant until later on

>>677335261

I would also scrap the sentence "The world has been dividied into three countries that sums up the entire globe: Oceania, Eurasia, and East Asia". It's not that central to the main plot either.

In 1984, Winston Smith lives in London which is part of the newly founded world order. The world has been dividied into three countries that sums up the entire globe. The world is a totalitarian society led by the figureheadBig Brother, which censors everyones’ behavior, even their thoughts. Winston Smith is disgusted by his oppressed life and secretly longs to join the Brotherhood, a group of rebels with the intent on overthrowing the governmet, and freeing the world. Winston meets Julia, a secret lover with the same intention to start planning a way to avoid the surveillance to free themselves from Big Brothers grasp, or so they think.

Its a start

>>677336107
Looks a lot better!

>>677335065
Crap advice
Never let the story's theme interrupt your analysis of it for projects etc. Rule 1 of English academic writing

War and Gloom fill the horizon.
Winston Smith works in a linguistics academy, correcting vernacular.
He meets a young woman, and they fall in love.
But their romantic entanglements must be secret, to avoid investigation by a conservative society.
Will they be found out?
Can love conquer all?
Find out in this tale of Peace and Romance.

>>677336107

IIRC, Winston meets Julia first and then she convinces him to become a rebel.

Also:

dividied -> divided
figureheadBig Brother -> figurehead Big Brother
governmet -> government
Big Brothers grasp -> Big Brother's grasp

>>677336600
Crap advice? maybe. it has been 18 years since i graduated high school. i don't know what the requirements are any more.

But i feel like it's a contradiction to say that a story's themes have nothing to do with the analysis of a story's themes.

>>677333047
its a fuckin teaser, ya cunt. you're writing a goddamn summary. go watch 5 movie trailers and try again.

>>677336600
nigga are you retarded? its a teaser, this is more a goddamn advertising/marketing assignment than an english assignment.

It’s 1984, Winston Smith lives in London which is part of the newly founded world order, which war and glom fill the horizon. The world has been divided into three countries that sums up the entire globe. The world is a totalitarian society led by the figurehead Big Brother, which censors everyones’ behavior, even their thoughts. Winston Smith is disgusted by his oppressed life and secretly longs to join the Brotherhood, a group of rebels with the intent on overthrowing the government, and freeing the world. Winston meets a young girl named Julia, a secret lover with the same intention to start planning a way to avoid the surveillance to free themselves from Big Brother’ grasp, but their romantic entanglements must be kept a secret, to avoid investigation by a conservative society.
>>677337005
>>677336841

>>677337592
yea right like i want to try and sell this book.

>>677337687
are you sticking with this, because it's got a lot of serious issues with things like prepositional phrases, and subject-verb agreement.

do people not use microsoft word anymore? do people not learn grammar anymore?

>>677337687
I would drop the second sentence, it's superfluous.

>>677338017
I can stick with this and start with the grammar. This is a great foundation.

The year is 1984. The totalitarian government of the newly founded Oceania has taken complete control of its citizens and has restricted their rights of thought. Winston Smith is just another worker who mindlessly does his tasks in the Ministry. However, he is more than that and longs to join the Resistance of fighters to topple the Big Brother. Along with his lover Julia, can they manage to bring thought back into this bland and hopeless utopia?

In a perfect utopia ruled by the benevolent Big Brother, there is one traitor who refuses to fit in.
But there is one man who will not let that happen.
Read the story of the great hero O'Brien who brings the evil villain to justice and redeems him.

>>677338279
grammar as an afterthought. ok, good luck. At least you have something to work with.

>>677338376
The year is1984, Winston Smith lives in London which is part of the newly founded world order, which war and glom fill the horizon. The world is a totalitarian society led by the figurehead Big Brother, which censors everyones’ behavior, and restricts their thoughts. Winston Smith is disgusted by his oppressed life and secretly longs to join the Brotherhood, a group of rebels with the intent on overthrowing the government, and freeing the world. Winston meets a young girl named Julia, a secret lover with the same intention to start planning a way to avoid the surveillance to free themselves from Big Brother’ grasp, but their romantic entanglements must be kept a secret, to avoid investigation by a conservative society.

took some parts of your comment

>>677338565
Thanks friendo

Here's mine
>im looking for a vehicle I'm looking for a ride I'm looking for a party I'm looking for a sign I'm looking for the treason that I new in 65 beware the savage call of 1984

>>677338376
>Winston Smith is just another worker who mindlessly does his tasks in the Ministry.
followed by:
>However, he is more than that
This does not work, rephrase the second part.

>>677339112
you were soooooo close to rhyming!

>>677339147
I'm not OP, this was a suggestion

>>677339147

check for OP >>677338794

>>677333047
If i read this i would ask if you've even read 1984 and then ask you to read the book again to understand it, because you clearly don't.

And if you have 7 sentences, why do you start two of them with "The world"?

And Oceania hasn't been "newly founded" when 1984 occurs. It's been existing for about 20-30ish years or so (don't think they ever say how long it's been around),

>>677339241
Don't forget the diamond dogs are poachers and they hide behind trees
>hunt you to the ground they will mannequins with kill appeal

>>677338017
No.

Lowkey question but has anyone read Animal Farm by George Orwell too? If so, what'd you think of it.

>>677339872
The year is 1984, Winston Smith lives in London which under rule of the Party, which war and glom fill the horizon. The world is a totalitarian society led by the (famous?) figurehead Big Brother, which censors everyones’ behavior, and restricts their thoughts. Winston Smith is disgusted by his oppressed life and secretly longs to join the Brotherhood, a group of rebels with the intent on overthrowing the government, and freeing the world. Winston meets a young girl named Julia, a secret lover with the same intention to start planning a way to avoid the surveillance to free themselves from Big Brother’ grasp, but their romantic entanglements must be kept a secret, to avoid investigation by a conservative society.

>>677340295
Zootopia is the movie equivalent of the book.

Hey any body know which book the diamond dogs come from I remember reading a bit of it but I forget the name

Whar does electroshock therapy, an additional finger, and government oversight have in common? Winston Smith is the average pleb during he day, but when the night comes, dark desires and secrets rule this twisted man's life. Read the book that started BDSM down a new path. Read 1984.

>>677340675
I want to know too now

>>677338794
How about this, op?

The year is1984. The world is a totalitarian society led by the figurehead Big Brother, which censors everyones’ behavior, and restricts their thoughts. Winston Smith, an unremarkable white collar worker, meets a young girl named Julia but their romantic entanglements must be kept a secret, to avoid investigation by a conservative society. Disgusted by his oppressed life, Winston longs to join the Brotherhood, a group of rebels with the intent on overthrowing the government, and freeing the world.

>>677340832
I swear to god there was a sci fi book that explainedthat after some great war the remaining humans were altered into the diamond dogs

>>677341235
Hold up, I'll look this up. Give me a sec

>>677341009
Lets build on the mold ill add some peices hold on

>>677341529
It's like supposed to be the book were David bowie got o the idea for the song diamond dogs

>>677333047
this is such fuckin shit garbage writing. You dont need to write his name, too specific also.
He only thinks about change after he meets the chick.
The brotherhood and goldstein arent real.
Did you even read the book?

>>677333047
My take on your assignment:

"2+2=4. Winston Smith is an ordinary man working with rewriting historical documents in the year 1984. He gets up every morning, does his routine exercises and does nothing to alert the vicious and omnipresent [b]thought poloce[/b]. But his thoughts are his own, noone can take that from him, and within he's starting to wonder; who is the mysterious O'Brian? Has the world always been like this? Why does the girl with the slim waist and deep brown eyes make him so angry? 2+2=5.

The legendary book from [b]George Orwell[/b] has is a classic which is more relevant today than it ever has been. A must read for anyone who consider themselves literate!"

Slightly more than 7 sentences, but alot of them are compact and kind of mushed in... and some could probably be stripped.

>>677341859

I know the brother hood nad goldstein arent read but the audience doesnt know until the bomshell hits them

>>677341009
The year is 1984, Winston Smith lives in a world which is under rule of the Party, which war and glom fill the horizon. The world is a totalitarian society led by the figurehead Big Brother, which censors everyones’ behavior, and restricts their thoughts. Winston meets a young girl named Julia, a secret lover with the same intention to start planning a way to avoid the surveillance to free themselves from Big Brother’ grasp, but their romantic entanglements must be kept a secret, to avoid investigation by a conservative society. Winston is disgusted by his oppressed life and secretly longs to join the Brotherhood, a group of rebels with the intent on overthrowing the government, and freeing the world.

>>677342007
this is perfect for someone that knows the book. but im trying to "sell" it.

"The legendary book from [b]George Orwell[/b] has is a classic which is more relevant today than it ever has been. A must read for anyone who consider themselves literate!" Ill use this if its ok for you in the end of the assigment?

>>677341805
So David Bowie got the inspiration for Diamond Dogs form 1984. The qupte from earlier in this thread was from the song. That's all I got.

>>677342129
I'd refrain from introducing Winston until the second part, like this anon did:>>677341009

keep it simple
War is Peace, Freedom is Slavery, Ignorance is Strength, Big Brother is watching you.

>>677342129
>>677341009
>>677340438
Spelling shit out like this is not good at all. Like... it's supposed to be tease, not a fucking condensed script.And most of what you write isn't even true.

Winston doesn't strive to join the Brotherhood, he strives to know the truth, and he gets the truth through the brotherhood. The brotherhood itself is not what he wants. He's not in love with Julia as much as he's in love with the idea of being in love, so that's also wrong.

1984 is not a fucking normal romantic book, it's far greater than that. Reread the book and put some thought into it.

>>677342007
gets it, at least slightly better

>>677342626
Yea this was me (OP) that wrote that

the stone is rolling

>>677342129
last two phrases both start with winston, it doesn't sound good.

>>677342307
It's good for someone who hasn't read the book as well. It raises questions, gives people the mystery they need to find out what's in the book. Asks questions which the reader wants answers to.

Read the back on some books, most of the mare structured in this manner. You don't want to know what kind of world they are in, what kind of society and what the name of the leader is and so on. Facts are boring. Noone cares. You want mystery!

>>677342776
The year is 1984, Winston Smith lives in a world which is under rule of the Party, which war and glom fill the horizon. The world is a totalitarian society led by the figurehead Big Brother, which censors everyones’ behavior, and restricts their thoughts. Winston meets a young girl named Julia, a secret lover with the same intention to start planning a way to avoid the surveillance to free themselves from Big Brother’ grasp, but their romantic entanglements must be kept a secret, to avoid investigation by a conservative society. Winston is disgusted by his oppressed life and secretly longs to learn the truth, which the Brotherhood has, a group of rebels with the intent on overthrowing the government, and freeing the world.

better?

thanks for your time.

ps. My teacher wanted something that would summarize and sell the book out

>>677342601
Yeah I know that but diamond dogs the song itself is not inspired by 1984 only big brother and the song 1984 are inspired by the book the song about the diamond dogs is from a different sci fi book

>>677343023
The year is 1984, Winston Smith lives in a world which is under rule of the Party, which war and glom fill the horizon. The world is a totalitarian society led by the figurehead Big Brother, which censors everyones’ behavior, and restricts their thoughts. Winston meets a young girl named Julia, a secret lover with the same intention to start planning a way to avoid the surveillance to free themselves from Big Brother’ grasp, but their romantic entanglements must be kept a secret, to avoid investigation by a conservative society. He is disgusted by his oppressed life and secretly longs to learn the truth, which the Brotherhood has, a group of rebels with the intent on overthrowing the government, and freeing the world.

there.

>>677342776
Word. These are summaries with the very ending left out.

What you want is a TEASER.

The future is what you make it. Some paths are darker then others. When all the power is accumulated by the few, and the few see all and know all, the atrocities they commit will only be overshadowed by the atrocities committed to overthrow them. Winston is a mild-mannered office worker, but he wants to be more. He wants to know the truth. But some paths are darker then others. And Winston's path is dark indeed.

When everyone acts the same, what can make you human?
Big Brother is watching you

>>677343452
OP said his teacher wants it to be a summary too.

>>677343452
The year is 1984, Winston Smith lives in a world which is under rule of the Party, which war and glom fill the horizon. The world is a totalitarian society led by the figurehead Big Brother, which censors everyones’ behavior, and restricts their thoughts. Winston meets a young girl named Julia, a secret lover with the same intention to start planning a way to avoid the surveillance to free themselves from Big Brother’ grasp, but their romantic entanglements must be kept a secret, to avoid investigation by a conservative society. He is disgusted by his oppressed life and longs to be free of his office job and, be something more and learn the truth, which the Brotherhood has, a group of rebels with the intent on overthrowing the government, and freeing the world.

a mix of your words

>>677333047

Big brother rules the world. One man must make the most important choice of his life. Will he surrender to the totalitarian regime, or break through his chains? Read George Orwell's master piece if you dare. Once your eyes are open, they can never be closed again.

>>677333047
>>677333616
Big brother rapes little brother that should make people want to read it

>>677344010
Your teacher is a lazy fuck that just wants to make sure the kids read the book.

She's also giving a bad lesson about what the hell writing is about if she's mixing up it's INTENT.

If you just want to make the teacher happy and pass by, sure, the original is good enough.