>>677169179
depends on how much time you have

>>677169179
Have you tried not doing drugs?

What are you being tested for?

Don't do drugs in the first place lol

>>677169179
Highly unlikely dude depends on how much time you have and what exactly you're being tested for different substances stay in your body for different periods of time

Drink a jar if pickle juice and a gallon of water. Worked for my friend every time

>>677169179
Get piss from a clean dude.
And don't do drugs when your job depends on you not being high you actual fucking nigger.

>>677169751
this

>>677169179
Not doing drugs usually helps.

>>677169179
Study, you donut.

>>677169179
just drink alot of water the day you have to take the test. You can buy test strips to test yourself for like 30 cents off the net if you want to test yourself to put your mind at ease. It is the same test the labs use.

*I know what I'm talking about unlike the tards in this thread.

Quit being a degenerate retard and grow up. Works every time

You try drinking a lot of water and nothing but water in an attempt to dilute the blood.

When I was in the pen the boys used to drink bleach when a test was coming. Seemed to work for them.

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>>677169179
Jazz Detox

Is it a lab test or a quick cup?

I've just been smoking some weed

If it isn't a lab test and and u get the results right from the cup u can flush out with water till it's clear take a vitamin b complex pill make it yellow and ur good..if it's a lab test Thoe..no ur fucked

Fake pee has worked for me.
Just mix ammonia and bleach for a quick homemade urine.

>>677169179
Don't do drugs

>>677173154
This

>>677173154
That'll do it

>>677173230
Faggot, if your going to fail a piss test the only way to beat it is to do so much of that drug you're being tested for it throws the test off & won't be able to read it.

Do drugs just a few

>>677173406
>>677173421
If you use this method you deserve to fail

>>677169804
not sure what jobs these include, but that's kind of retarded.
You can use drugs in your off time, and it doesn't have to effect your job at all.

drink a lot of water to dilute the piss. Only give the mid stream piss.

>>677169179
Do an oil change.
Stick a pipe up your pisshole and drain the piss
Then syring water back in

>>677169179
buddy just passed his - he passed by my shop with some packet of yellow liquid, store bought at head shop, he used my microwave to heat it to 98 degrees then put it in his pants and went to his work's piss test...passed it despite smoking daily before bed...

>>677171787

All you can do is start drinking a shit ton of water ASAP, and of course, stop smoking weed.
If you haven't smoked more than a few days or weeks, you'll probably be cleam overnight unless you're a landwhale.
Even still. I knew someone, a landwhale, that smoked the night before a piss test and she came up clean somehow.
There's really no way of knowing.

Ultimately, the best way to avoid stress about piss tests is to fucking not do drugs when your career depends on it. Holy shit.

>>677173742
In America anything above fast food (generally) comes with a drug test. Land of the free and all that

>>677169179
If you microwave the pee it should get rid of any insoluble things in your bladder and just come right out. The night before, you have to get rid of the glass on the door of your microwave. Then, just stand with your bladder right up against it and turn it on, 30 seconds should do fine but you might need a minute. Depends on how many drugs you've been doing

>>677174241
is it law, or are people just retarded for no reason?

>>677174241
Find someone with clean piss, tape that shit under your crotch, and use it in lieu of your own.

>>677174702

The law does not force companies to administer drug tests. However, for whatever fucking reason, the culture in the USA is to have drug free environments and therefore many places will do so.
Usually its not commonplace and employees only get piss tested when people in charge suspect their employees of using.

Luckily, this being America, you're free to go to some quack doctor and get a prescription for crazy addicting and harmful drugs instead! Then you never have to worry about piss tests!

Damn, I love America.

>>677174241

>land of the free and all that shit
>taking this saying literally and not understanding it has everything to do with the constitution

>carry small container of Clorox powdered bleach
>in car before you go in, lick index finger and stick into bleach
>PisS across finger into container

Nothing shows up

>>677174702
No it's not law, people are just ass backwards faggots who like to invade on other privacy & try to control them & tell them what to do in their free time.

Not doing drugs, faggot

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>>677169179

Fill this full of bleach
Stuff into dick hole
You're welcome

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If you aren't being watched, tape a condom full of clean piss to your thigh and bring a pin with. Make sure to keep it warm.
Hey, it's uncomfortable as fuck but I love my ganja so I make sacrifices.

>>677169179
Use the toilet water. Works for me

>>677169179
Yeah you pass by taking a piss

>>677173742
I had to take a piss test to stock shelves at night at a local grocery store.
Shit is fucking ridiculous.

>>677175097
It's insurance purposes. Easy way to get out of liability

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>>677176250

What the fuck? That's hilarious

Exercise and drink water.
I'd think fasting would work pretty well too if you're trying to get rid of pot since then you'd have no carbs blockading your fat metabolism. I'm not sure if anyone has ever tried it. You'd think reducing your carbohydrate intake to promote fat metabolism would work as well, but again, never tried it myself. It makes sense to me though since your body always metabolizes carbs first, then fats, then protein last.

>>677169179
You need to go to whole foods and buy three bottles of the 100% cranberry juice and do a cranberry flush. Drink one bottle two days before and after shit ton of water. Do the same the day before. The day of the test, wake up early and drink the third bottle and a lot of water but eat a really hardy meal like steak and potatoes with a multi vitamin afterwards to make your pee seem like you were not trying to flush your system. Worked for me.

>>677169179
fill apple juice into the cup. if they ask you to pass it over, drink everything in front of them. this worked for my friend.

dont pee

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>>677176489
I shit you not. Luckily I hadn't smoked in weeks but yeah. It blew me away.
Fuck you Hyvee I hate this goddamn job.

give them a semen sample instead of urine

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I have passed many of them - from in the military to job piss tests- just drink lots and lots of water for a few hours before hand- make sure you piss at least 5 or 6 times. Your kidneys will begin to pass water only to avoid losing salt and vitamins. You can also take a few vitamin B12 pills to turn it yellow and they will mark it as having accurate appearance.

>>677177005
kek you're not wrong

Sure, don't be stupid and do drugs.

If your doing drugs, you don't deserve to have a good job. Hell, you don't even deserve a job bagging groceries.

Enjoy you life being scrubbing bathrooms and getting high.

>>677169179
Use clean piss, or fake piss. Its the only way to be sure.

slow method: detox. it's stored in fat cells, therefore depends on how often you've smoked and how fat you are. if you are overweight and smoke daily it could take up to 4 months. if you are fit and only smoked once it could be 2 weeks.

emergency method: you wont pass normally, you'll have to either substitute with real piss that is clean... and within a few degrees of body temperature... or try to fake pass.

using somebodies clean piss, the sample jar has a temperature gauge you cant fake, it's gotta be within a few degrees of body temperature, putting it under your balls might be enough, internally in your ass would keep it perfect, they check your pockets so a batter heat source is usually noticable.

to try and fake the test, you have to dilute. keep in mind if you just chug water, more than you ever normally do... you'll be pissing water, full bladder every 10 minutes, you'll "pass" in that you wont fail, but it will be a pass with "diluted" that requires a retake usually within a few days (shorter than a detox).

so to pass without the diluted you have to chug water as before (full bladder every 10 minutes) but take the pills/drink you can buy from a nutrition/supplement store. i dont recall exactly what is in them, but it makes your pee yellow again even pissing clear every 10 minutes. the idea being you are pissing 100% water and cannot "fail", but you will get "diluted", the pill adds "gravity" and 10 minutes after taking the pill/drink your piss is yellow again with normal trace amounts of the normal impurities. say your test is at 10am... wake up at 5am, begin drinking water keep drinking it (dont kill yourself with hydro toxicity), test your self untill you pass the home test kit (keep drinking because it will wear off), keep drinking, take the drink pill at say 9am and drive to test location, bring a piss container along to test location, go in and fill out forms, go wait in car and piss again, retest yourself. if pass go inside and take.

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>>677177996
>Trying to bait this hard

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Had to pass for drug court
take niacin until you get flush and drink lots of water and cranberry juice try to excercise and sweat make sure you dont take your first piss of the day in your drug test make sure you take something like>>677177459 that guy said dark soda works too.
or you could just get a wizzinator and fake piss that has worked for lots of ppl i know and its easier..same with the condom method

Jizz till the drug's out of your system.
Try mentioning the drug being talked about retard.

>>677169179
Piss clean.

Easy pass.

Handful of non flushing niacin. Lots of water

Hi

you just have to press a little hard inside your tummy, like when you poop, but not as hard, and then you will get yellow water coming out of your peepee

>>677179481
also use these with the condom or wizzi

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>>677179228
>4 months
>mfw reading this shit
I'm 6' and 225 definitely not all muscle, and I passed after stopping my daily habit 5 days before the test.

Just drink water and try to get your sweat going, even if you're a fat fuck you should be fine after that.

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>>677179947
fuck im high
forgot pic

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>>677169179
What you need is the freedom flask OP.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1XXPupPEMyk

>>677180051

not in the realm of believability. 5 days from any weight from any small indulgence. 5 days i would believe for some of the stronger powdery drugs which arent stored in fat cells.

>>677180261

the nurse will be like "why is your piss 80degrees". she will take your temperature by hand and mark your test as invalid/cheat

>>677180261
http://www.freedomflask.com/

>>677180976
why wouldnt piss be 80 degrees

>dont do drugs

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>>677169179
1st of April
>put cling film over the toilet seat.
>Wait for Unsuspecting victim to piss, then run in with a cup and shout A HAHA APRIL FOOLS BITCH.
> Collect the piss take it to the test.
> Be told unfortunately you have aids.
> Don't tell the person who pissed, collect welfare for the rest of your life and free drugs.
>Result.