>>676751042

poaching
i like to bowhunt here in germany

>>676751042
>>own my own house now, good full time job, etc.

You got away with a crime which is pretty cool. On the other hand you're 37 and posting on /b/

Life doesn't always smell of roses.

>>676752057
if you even knew how many oldfags there are on /b/

>>676752057
We're not all highschool faggots.

Lurk more Junior.

>>676752235
How many million people a week tune in to watch shite about the Kardashians or retards who live on Jersey?

Quantity does not = correct.

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>be me, 19
>freshman in community college
> class starts 15 minutes
>hungry as fuck
>tries to buy cereal bar and poptarts
>cafe doesnt open till until 15 minutes later
> puts back pop tart
>steals cereal bar
tfw dumb fucks never caught me

>>676752671
mastermind right here.

>>676752671
Damn dude. Cold blooded

>sigh
Well, here goes.
I fucked a black chick.

>>676751747
what do you kill?

>>676753121
maybe not a crime against the law but certainly a crime against humanity

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>>676751042
Keked

>>676753266
Depends he could have raped and killed the chimp

>>676753152
roe (yummy), hogs one fricking big red deer

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>i stole a lighter from my trip to greece

>>676753772
they pay you to hunt wild hogs in the US. huge overpopulation problem.

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>My first attempted rape

At a party my junior year of high school a cute-ish 6/10 senior girl was drunk as fuck and all over me. She gets too drunk like really early, around 11:30 pm and I knew she'd pass out soon and I'd leave with a dry dick. So, when she inevitably goes to vomit, I follow her, and start to comfort her as she throws up. She stops and we're sitting behind a ton of parked cars. I put my rm around her to consoler her and shes sort of just sitting upright, half-conscious, eyes closed and mumbling. I take this opportunity to put my hands up her shirt and grope her tits. they were average sized, nice and soft, She doesnt contest and lets it happen.

Everytime I walk in the Quick-Chek I steal about ten dollars of food/snacks. I've been doing this since '10. I probably stole about $700 worth of food/snacks.

>>676754050
That's not rape you dumb fuck.

>>676754115
Post pics of yourself fat fuck

I paid for sex a lot when I was younger. Strippers. Escorts. Street Walkers.

One time I robbed a drug dealer at gun point for a QP of weed, $190 and his Nextel phone. I got jumped and beat up about a week later but no big deal plus I got a cool scar from the beat down.

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>>676754050
i like where this is going

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>>676754252

>>676754050
more to the story?

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i buy weed

>>676754244
Don't let an sjw or feminist hear you say that, you'll be in prison before you can scratch your nuts.

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>>676751042
>be me
>about 6 hours ago
>don't mean to brag, but I was just at the Vatican in the Sistine chapel
>guards all like 'No photo! Silencio! No photo!'
>..But I took a photo or 2. >actually about 30, looking thru my camera
>taking one of said photos when pious old hag lady (I swear) purposefully bumps into me
>calmly ask 'what the shit you fucking cunt'
>notice sweet baby Jesus is starring at me from at least 12 different angles
>am going to hell..

>>676754553
What are they gonna do, call me a mysogynyst?

>>676754244
Well it's sometthing that's not okay

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>>676751042
i make my gf take videos of her friend showering, watch them, fap then delete everything

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>>676754577
kek

>>676754642
Worse, they'll ask you to check your patriarchy.

>>676754276
Bs

>>676754050

>My first attempted rape, pt.2

She doesn't contest. She allows me to grope her tits and kiss her neck for a while and says she wants to go to her car. I follow her to a row of cars parked out on the street, which is in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. She stumbles and falls and i help her up and set her on the hood of her car, bent over it. I reach around her and unbutton her pants and felt around her pussy for a couple moments. She's silent and just laying there, eyes closed and breathing fast. At this point, my dick is adamantium diamonds. There's enough precum in my drawers that it's soaking through to my jeans. I have to enter this bitch. I pull her pants down and reveal her bare naked ass and whip my cock out. I am suddenly super aware that I'm slightly buzzed and about to penetrate a drunk girl who is absolutely incapacitated. I stop what im doing and pull hr pants back up and reach around unde rher shirt and grope her tits and start to masturbate. I cum all over the hood of her car. After I spent my nut I quickly fixed her blouse up, got her keys from her pocket and get her into the drivers seat of her car. I get in the passengers side and wait with her for a few minutes. Shes unable to stand, form coherent words, etc. Drunk as fuck. I ask her if she wants me to leave and she says yes.

>>676754050
I was accused of rape done in similar circumstances, but - PLOT TWIST - hadn't done anything of the sort.

Eventually I was cleared, but it was the worst 4 months of my life.

>Stole about 200 dollars worth of novelty lighters from random gas stations
>Sold copious amounts of hard drugs and Cannabis to both adults and children
>Held a guy at knife point over 50 dollars in drug money
I currently lead a healthy life and have an excellent salary job.

>>676754679
how do you make her do it?
>take videos of yoru friend so i can fap or i'll leave you?

why wouldn't she just be like.. ew you fucking creep gtfo

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>>676754740
MUH PATRIARCHY

>>676754276
>Nextel phone

Remember when walkie talkie on a fucking cellphone was the coolest most hip thing out there

>>676754852
well done good sir.

>>676754913
well actually she's kind of my slave, she's with me since she was 14-15 yo i'm a bit older and smarter than her and she knows it so she complies to every demand I make

>>676753266
Nah I"d still consider it bestiality. That's against the law. Still waiting for the day SJW's give up on thinking all races of humanity are exactly the same. Look at dogs and cats and hell, different species of fish. There's like 20 different known species of catfish for christ sakes.

Pût somme terrorists on prison. M'y faut....

>>676755181
>post story about fapping in a "confess to crimes thread"
>neglects to mention the statutory rape and sex slavery

>>676755319
>There's like 20 different known species of catfish for christ sakes.
and all of them are deep fried before consumption by the blacks

Living in overpriced college town rental (like 1k a month for each person).
Dicking around with backtrack live distro. Apartment was within wifi range of the rental office. Unsecured printer on their network that leads to actual PC access. Able to change their accounting records to paid in full for the school year wiping about $7k off of what I still owed.

>>676755319
Good thing being edgy as fuck isn't against the law, huh?

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>>676751042
>stole over $300 in manga
>Fucked over 30 prostitutes
>stole parents jewelry to get money to buy Pokemon games
etc

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>>676754825
>My first attempted rape, pt.3

So, she tells me she wants me to leave her int he car. It's been about an hour of molestation and rockhard diamond boner. I just came on her car from groping her tits and wanking. But, not long after we were in her car I was hard again. I decided I had to do it. We were in her car and out of the street, well out of view of the party. She's sitting upright in her drivers seat, head to the side, eyes closed. I reach over and touch her neck, no reaction. I grab he rby her chin and face her to me, Her eyes are still closed, unresponsive. I am trembling with fear, excitement and the prospect of sex. I reach over and undo the fornt of her jeans again. I feel her pussy a bit more, enter it with my middle finger. Its dry as fuck. I pull her tits out, start sucking on them. All the while Im doing this im looking out for any cars, people walking back to their cars, etc. I molest her for a solid 20 minutes. Its approaching 112:30-1am around this time. I expect her friends to come looking for her soon. I kick it into high gear. I get my dick out and maneuver myself on top of her, with her seat back.

>>676755354
no rape, she just loves me so much that she puts my happiness and wishes before her own life

I did 9/11

>>676751042
You loaned money from a drug dealer? You really must have shit for brains.

>>676755617
How is that edgy mate? Different species, we're all animals. Thus, bestiality. Shit's the truth but no one will admit it. Hell even the atheist's lord and master Charles Darwin saw the difference and no one bats an eye to it.

>>676755793
15 is rape even if she wants it. even if she initiates it.

>>676756014
So fucking white people is beastiality too then yeah?

One time I stole like 500.00 from a fast food joint I worked at and blamed it on the bearded retard girl who worked there. Fuck that tard cooze, always fucking up orders. They tried to fire her for it but she was screaming she would sue for "decrimnation". Swear on my soul, her very words.

>>676751042
I tried to download a girls gone wild video through Limewire and got a virus that installed a bunch of fake porn programs, a desktop stripper, and changed the background to two girls having sex. The virus continuously ran so every time you tried deleting or changing shit, it just redid everything.

My older brother got the blame.

>>676756108
dude I'm italian, not an amerifatfuck, here, everything is better on that aspect

>>676755649
That's all acceptable but stealing valuables from your parents and selling them is kinda fucked up

>>676756238
God forbid disabled people work for money to eat

>>676755742
Moar

>>676756396
>everything in italy is better
>raping children is legal

agree to disagree.

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>>676756108
>15 is rape

I wish you could have had sex as a teenager,

Then you would know how cock hungry 15 year old girls are, and how many have hit on older guys like me.

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>>676755804
George! This is your ma Barbara gtfo 4Chan!

>>676756295
So the crime was that you downloaded a pirated video? How very edgy of you.

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>>676756510
That's what they get for fucking me up and not preparing me for adulthood. Not proud of it, but whatever. It was all going to be mine when they die anyway.

>>676755742

>rapey wapey pt.4

Im over top of her in her drivers seat, dicks is out and her pants undone and pulled down just below her ass. I get to the side ofer and we're both facing her drivers side window. Theres like no fucking room in this sedan and im not having much room to enter her. I decide i cant fuck her in this car without more-less stripping her and that would mean im caught redhanded if someone were to walk by. I decide to just jack off onto her. I jerk off and cum on her belly/lap, get some on her jeans. I panic. I hurry up and dress her back best I can and bail the fuck out. I return to the party and chainsmoke and drink until I feel better. An hour maybe more later she returns to the party and I nearly shit myself. She was slobberknockered DRUNK and somehow gets up and out of her car and back to the party. I decided to convince a friend to take me home like immediately. We say our goodbyes and i avoid her until we leave. never heard anything about it since then. Was about 7 years ago.

>>676756201
not if its another white person fucking them. Same for asians, hispanic, indo-asians. Reason why people like the interracial shit so much is deep down inside, their genes tell them its taboo. Taboo gets people off man.

>>676756621
Because you know better than nature, right moralfag?

One time when I was drunk I made a dozen Molotov cocktails and firebombed two churches and a random building. I just used gasoline so the fires didn't catch, they just scorched the buildings. The next day after I sobered up I destroyed the remaining molotovs.
I moved out of the state a month later. It's been 3 years I think I made it. I wouldn't do it again. I've got things to lose now.

>>676756622
So the only upside to having sex with a 15 year old is 'they want it bad lel'?

As if no girls older are the same. They are all mostly cockhungry retards until about 24-25 when they realize they can be picky little shit heads and gold diggers

>>676756891
What should I use instead of gasoline?

>>676756693
Man the fuck up and take some responsibility for your actions you pussy. Blaming your parents is the weakest thing you could possibly do.

>bought weed from a dealer
>download anything, fuck paying
>drove high (to pick up a pizza)
>always speeding

Barely anything crazy tbh.

>>676756694
If she didn't say anything afterwards, there's onñy two options:
>1- She wanted it to happen.
>2- She wasn't aware of anything.
And the second one is kind of hard to belive, as she even returned to the party by her own foot later.

>>676757145
THIS. SO THIS

>>676756690
No you dumb fucking shit. The crime was I was under 18 and watching porn. I didn't pirate anything cause I never got the video.

>>676756622
Sex as a teenager was insane. I got with my first girlfriend when i was 15 and she was 14. I didn't want to fuck it up so I tried to keep my sexual advances to a minimum but I think that just made her want it that much more. When we did start having sex it was like 2-3 times each time we saw each other. Shit was nuts never had so much sex in my life probably never will again.

>>676756891
>>676757131
Churches really?

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>>676751042
>Took a shit at a restaurant
>Didn't flush

I remain at large.

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>>676757145
>take some responsibility
Who says I'm not? Still, allowing your child to get C's throughout their academic careers, and then forcing your child to join the military after the graduate and expecting them to be able to function (without having taught them jack shit about the real world, like taxes or 401Ks) is bullshit parenting. They're lucky I didn't take more.

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>>676752057
>>
>>
>>
>>
>newfag

would love to tell, but i am under the risk of beinh watched by the cyber popo for things i could have done. if anyone can tell me for sure if cops MAY have access to what i say or not, i might share.

>>676757335
Wow, you really are a dangerous guy, huh?

>>676757131
You can't just use gasoline. It burns too fast. The trick is to dissolve styrofoam into the gasoline first so it becomes more like napalm.

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>>676757145
>>676757454
Also, consciously blocking any attempt they made at going to college *while they were in high school* is also poor parenting.

>>676757425
What should I use instead of gasoline?

>>676751042
Me and a friend broke into an elementary school at night. We blocked all the sewer drains and turned on two firehoses. This was during the weekend and it wasn't discovered until monday morning. By then the school was totally flooded and basically had to undergo total renovation. The story made it to the news. It's about 10 years ago now.

>be me, rich married guy
>start fucking girl
>She tells me she's pregnant
>at party with her
>get her drunk
>drive off a bridge into the ocean. leave her drunk pregnant ass in the car and i wander back to party
>change my clothes and party for the next 6 hours
>call the cops the next morning and tell them what happend
>oh by the way I'm a democrat US senator and got away with murder
>dead now, probably burning in hell

>>676757425
Drunk and angry at anti-lgbt folks

I sold and smoked marijuana. I stole alcohol and drank under aged. I've sold my prescription hydrocodeine I've broken and entered vacant houses. I've shoplifted small and cheap items from various stores

>>676757497
I'm sure the police don't monitor this look at all the posters that have admitted to everything from sexual assaults to fire bombing churches!

>>676757584
You are a fail of a person.
It's not your parent's fault, but yours.
Kill yourself.

>>676757497
>The stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood.
>Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

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>>676757527
That's fucking right. I would join the army but they kicked me out on account of stealing a pack of gum and getting caught.

>>676757698
Fag

>>676757454
>allowing your child to get C's
how about you study, asshole.

i mean, this has to be bait. this is bait, right?

>>676757888
That's fair

>>676757454
They didnt allow you to get c's you did that on your own faggot. Plenty of people got b's and a's without their parents forcing them to. Some non retards actually wanted to learn. You wanted to feel fuzzy in your head. No one fault but yours

>>676757610
Not a fire starter? Just weirded out by the fire bombing/arson deal!
>>676757698
Yea, I guess but I'm not sure I get how hate crimes are justified by the stupid hate churches hold. But yea, don't do shit like this again. Don't be dumb.

>>676752530
If you're an adult on /b, your life is missing something serious. What that is depends on the person, but you're fucked up. It's a message board where people jack off to Facebook pictures and go on racist rants.

Source: 30yr old guy.

>>676757740

not saying they monitor the 4chins itself, but my computer. for all i know my mobile is compromised right now, and confessing here could screw me royally. recently got subpinoaed to "explain" some things.

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>>676757810
Fuck you, and I don't mean that in a
>hehe teh lulz
way. Fuckass generation don't teach the younger ones shit, then get upset when they can barely function.

>>676757948
>forget studying, you have yard work today
>after school tutor? Nope, I need to be back at the house in time for my favorite show.
>summer math/science help? Nah, go to your bio-dad's side of the family and do chores for them all summer
No, it's not b8.

>>676757335
Wow, watching porn while you are under 18. What's the sentence on that..? 15 years? Sooo edgy.

Literally 95 % of every person in the world has done that you dumb shit. That's not even fucking illegal.

>>676758112
see>>676758142
bottom half

>>676757454
how did they force you?

>>676757843
it does make a difference if somehow they know who is posting, eh? more specifically, that it is me posting.

>>676758172
> taking the bait like this
go and be ashamed of yourself
> inb4 "I was only pretending to be retarded"

>>676757215
>1- She wanted it to happen.

Man you kids are fucking stupid. Christ.

A group of friends and I completely vandalized a local school campus with paint. I believe I remember reading in the paper that it was over 8k in damages... That's one of the hundreds of things we got away with.

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>>676757454
Your parents can't force you into the military, only the government can do that. if your in the military now they should've brainwashed you enough for you to know how much of a goddamn idiot you were and are for blaming your parents for your life problems.

>>676758337
Seems like you were the one pretending to be a retard tho.

>>676751042
Last time I went to my hometown an old friend and I split a fifth of tequila and broke into a school. The next morning we vowed to never do it again. We split a bottle of Smirnoff 100 proof a couple days later and broke into the school again. I had no recollection but the next day there was a huge stack of library books next to me. Also, he told me I tried to take a retard's desk back to his house

>>676758113
I was drunk and didn't think I was going anywhere in life. So I wanted to fuck up my life in a way I found meaningful. Drunk logic at its finest. I'm much more sober now (a beer a day instead of a bottle of liquor a day) and I realize my logic was flawed and all I really did was make a bunch of church goers who probably don't even hate gays pay for my angst. I probably also got a couple prayers sent my way. I'm out of that stage of my life.

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>>676751042
it's the fbi guys! dont trust in op!

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>>676758220
>>676758486
>be me, summer after 11th grade, but before 12th, 2006
>parents get frustrated one night
>"either you enlist in the military now (Delayed Entry Program) or you're going to go live with your (also military, but VERY religious) aunt and uncle in NC
>would have had to repeat 11th grade and still enlist anyway
Rock and a hard place. It was 'enlist now, or don't graduate.'

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>>676751042
>Get first job busing tables when I was 17 at a decent resturaunt
>Owner likes me, eventually offers me promotions
>Work my way up to lead line cook when I'm in my early 20's
>Head chef quits one day
>Fine by me, I did most of the work anyway. It's not like I didn't know how to make all the shit by heart at this point anyway.
>I'm now in charge of inventory
>Whatever I write down on my clip board is law. If I say we need X amount of some ingredient, it gets ordered the next day by our manager.
>Start stealing meats on regular, nothing huge at first but it gets to that point by the time I quit.
>Normally duck/chicken breasts mostly. The duck breast was great whenever I wanted to impress somebody at home.
>Work my way up to taking huge cuts of ribeye. Like not just steaks, the big logs we'd cut steaks out of.
>If I ate a steak every night it would take me a month to get through one of these cuts, and that's with fairly generous portions.

I quit once I finished college and was starting to look for career jobs. In the end it's really what got me into grilling, I'll bbq for life. Never got caught. Never gave a fuck.

>>676758142
>Nuh ma fault
>This generations fault
>My parents fault
>They dont want me to go to retard's extra classes
>Nuh was me, im perfect
Wow, you sure have had a hard life, anon.
>Please get out of the site and do something with your pathetic life.

>>676758127
Yea, I mean I just wouldn't sweat it. I just fail to have any crimes I've committed knowingly to admit. My conscious is clear. IF you have crimes on your mind then you might as well own up here feel better do what you have to do!Best of all this isn't court this isn't under oath you can confess as you please!! :D

>>676757660
HOW THE HELL DID TED KENNEDY NOT EVER GET CHARGED WITH MURDER WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK.

just thinking about this makes me rage.

>>676758240
here, there are some things i can share, since they happened before i turned 18. when i was a kid i sprayed around my neighbourhood's buildings and blamed some other kid. nothing happened to either. couple years ago i believe i raped a girl. not entirely sure if it counts as rape or not. greentext explaining the story on the cont

>>676757497
>people actually paranoid enough to think anyone of authority cares about /b/

Okay. That's been proving wrong so many fucking times it's not even funny.

>>676758114
I'm 38 and I been here since 12chan was a thing. I mostly lurk and laugh at all the autism. I wouldn't say I'm missing much except my soul but that's from being a ginger.

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alright confession time i guess.

whole bunch of shit i have done

>stolen for atleast 200-300 bucks in form of candy, drinks and magazines from stores.
>stolen over 10k in csgoskins and helped in carding a few k
>ratted about 500-600 people
>done amazon refunds for about 1k
>SEd coke into sending me coupons for over 100 bucks
>speeding

then some other shit that i cant remember.

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>>676758772
If adults are fucked up, it's likely they had fucked up parenting. Sure, you'll want to act as if the previous generations were perfect, without flaw, but the reasons we have so many fuckups today, is because they were 'raised' by older fuckups.

But I'm sure your parents, like their offspring, were perfect. Or, maybe you pulled some Clark Kent-type shit and had to work in a coal mine for years before you could even afford a computer. Because, you know, no one knows what 'struggle' feels like except you.

>>676758725
OP here. well done mate. Actually have a duck confit slow-cooking in the oven waiting for me when i get home from work. Bravo. (might want to get your cholesterol checked tho)

>>676758562
Cool, cool. Yea, just hoping if you were still there to convince you to give up the whole fire bombing thing again. No matter the hate they hold you can't let the return hate you have make you crime! :) Solid on the cutting back on drinking Anon. Best of luck. Alcoholism is a disease if you have it you didn't commit a crime of a sound mind you a victim of a disease!

>>676758713
You fucking idiot. If you are failing on your marks and repeating of course your parents are going to want your ass working somewhere.

Every post you make makes you look even more pathetic.

>>676758713
b-but.. im the victim here. its everyone's f-fault b-but mine...

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>>676752057

Go die in an aids fire you mongoloid nigger.

Tons of old farts on this site.

Be around 18, and I was being some kind of street gangster. Robbing tourists in Amsterdam by grabbing their suitcases on the trains from the airport to the central station and run away with it. Japanese and Americans always had tons of stuff and never did anything back.

>>676754852
>healthy life
>post on /b/

OK mate, keep telling yourself that lol

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>>676759175
I wasn't repeating, but at the same time, I wasn't making the grades I needed/wanted to. Any time I expressed needing extra help, they either ignored or directly declined it, opting instead to have me visit estranged family members, do yard work (at their house), or something else. I wasn't making money either, because they didn't want me to have a job while in school.

Think for a second. How well prepared do you think *you* would have been?

>>676759494
You mock because you don't know.

>>676751042
>be me 16
>discovered the joys of phreaking
>elementary school across the street has pine trees in from of their phone box
>nicely labeled
>start making 1900 calls from the principles phone line
>fapping every night.
>wake up in chain saws
>cutting down my trees

I buried all my phreaking stuff in the woods that night

>>676759068
My parent died when i was a child. My mother raised me alone.
I'm currently studying informatic engineering while working as a waiter to help pay the bills.

What the actual fuck are you saying. Just get your shit toghether, you autistic piece of shit.
You are a person with own conscience. You can lead your life almost wherever you want.
>But your parents not paying you classes for special kids and wanting you to stay at home at certain times are the reason you are a fucking NEET.
Yeah, sure. Kill yourself.

>>676759494
no i mock because i DO know. my dad was a badass marine and the threat always hung over me. I was a shithead when i was 14. I cleaned my act up when i was 16, started studying and did well. there is no substitute for hard work. life is hard and everyone is presented with problems. own your own and manage them and stop blaming everyone else for your own fuckups.

>be 18 walking home drunk
>decided to car hop on the way home
>get an iPod and some cash
>break into garage and take someone's bikes and tools (multi trips)
>wander around neighbourhood looking for more
>find unlocked van, it's full of stuff
>spend next half hour at 4am taking shit
>stash all in park to collect
>200 new zippo lighters, boxes of salvia, 500 in change
>sell zippos and give friends salvia
>meet the kid who's parents van it was
>has no idea
>he smokes the salvia and sees bugs on himself
>mfw friends never told the kid never got in trouble

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>>676759105
hey OP! thanks for a great thread. Welcome change from dubs, traps, wreck it ralph and roll to see who you won't ever get to fuck threads.

>>676754577
What are you doing in Italy? That country is full of narrow-minded people with a gay accent.

>>676759698

How long did this go on for? A month or two? More? That's funny.

>>676759625
OK, do you realise you don't need extra classes if you study hard enough and don't dick around, right?
Just stop.

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>be me, white, 20
>about a week ago now
>poor af because i cannot find a job
>decide to steal money from a ATM at some random news-agency in some small town about 20 minutes from where i live
>I ask my friend, he's in
>go to small town
>wear all black with sunglasses
>use my friends Ute with fake license plates and chain the ATM as fast as possible
>we yank it out, some money is spread over the area
>we rush to put it in the back of the Ute
>rush towards a random park
>destroy the majority of the outer casing, find the main money box
>keep the box to we can melt the protective sheeting later at home
>throw away the rest in the river near by
>saw it on my local news the following day
>police have no idea or any leads onto who it could be
>ez pez
>made about $10,000 in one night, planning on doing it again at a different old town next week for more easy cash.

on a side note, we are targeting these third party kind of ATM's that are a bit older and are used with a variety of banks... not so scared of the tracking because we destroy them pretty quickly if we plan it correctly. fun as fuck, the adrenaline really gets going, kinda addictive now. We've found that if we find a ATM that are stuck to glass panels instead of actual buildings we have an easier time of pulling them out.

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>>676759900
I'm in college now, you lying fuck. I know I can do what I want *now,* but I was justifying why I stole from them, and would have again had I the mind to.

God, people like you sicken me.
>my parent died when I was a kid, and so, I was raised by a single mom...
>I'm better than you because that only happens to me, and I became something because of it
Shit, my father wasn't in my life either, hence why I said Bio-dad's side of the family is estranged. Difference is, your mother didn't try to stop you from doing anything that didn't fit her 'perfect plan' for you being a soldier. She let you make your own decisions, rather than making them for you until you reached adulthood.

>>676760209
The better part of a summer

>>676753845
Fuck you , give it back , gotta pay debt

>>676752235
Not all oldfags are old. I'm in my 20s and I'm sure I've been here longer than your Activia eating ass

>>676758992
what's up gingerbro

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>>676760364
>didn't need*
>study hard enough
Kind of hard to study for tomorrow's test while laying bricks and cutting grass, Anon.

>>676758992
LMAO. You gingersnaps crack me up

>>676759011
How does the Amazon thing work?

>>676758861
cont

>be me
>17 or 18 or 20 can't really remember
>meet girl on facebook
>friend of friends
>we start talking on a daily basis
>eventually we exchange nudes
>shes chubby but def 6/10+
>doable
>doesn't live too far
>we decide to meet
>we meet at a park, kisses, i finger her and mr alexander awakes
>it gets too late and she has to leave anyway
>am left with me boners
>couple days later, she calls me on chat
>asks me if we can meet again
>one of my (and her) friends is throwing this kinda party thing in a couple days
>invite her
>fast forward to party thing date
>she just left work and she works by walking around
>shes chubby
>chubby + walking around for hours means she smells like fucking gouda
>politely ask if shes gonna take a shower
>she says ye
>sweet jesus maria jose thanks
>out of the shower she has the exact same smell
>what the actual fuck
>decide to let it go, smoke a lot of pot and drink vodka
>at least if i'm hammered i wont regret it as much
>shes pretty high too, we decide to go to our room
>she undresses
>jesus it's worse than i thought
>jumps from doable chubby to man the harpoons in a sec
>boner is absolutely kill
>she starts blowing me
>terrible bj she keeps biting
>ask (yes, ask) if she would like to be eaten out
>was really expecting she'd say no and it'd be all over
>she accepts
>forgive me padre
>the smell is unexplainable
>it's like rotten meat with dead animals and puke
>after like 15 seconds of tonguing dat puss i feel like i'm gonna throw up
>she asks if i'm fine
>i say ye i'm just getting some air
>tell her to go doggystyle

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>>676758713
They probably realized how much of a fuckup you were becoming and decided the military could fix you up to become a responsible and functioning member of society. They know best after all, I'm sure they knew the life of an adult who's doing shitty in school and gaining weight and living in home wasting time shot posting on 4chan wasn't proper for you, you needed more in your life. Your parents are good, your just a whiney bitch who doesn't want to work or take responsibility.

>>676753983
Yea if you go to texas. You can kill any boar with any weapon, no tags, maybe a hunting license its pretty neat.

>>676760604
If Hilter's eugenics program would have centered around us he would have won

>>676753080
lost

>>676760535
maybe you should find time, i doubt you are doing that shit at night. OR maybe you should gtfo 4chan and shit and actually study you useless fuck.

>>676754508
>oregano

>Be me 17 living with my only my mum
>mum dicided to go on a cruise and long holiday with my aunt
>home alone for 4 months
>I grew 12 cannabis plants in the spare room
>roughly 3.5 oz off each ,42 ounces total
> mum still none the wiser to this day

>>676760392
I only mentioned it because you said my parents sure were perfect.
And again, having you mother telling you what you should do is no excuse for your fails, no matter how you put it.

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>>676760728
If they had
>known best
they would have owned their own business(es) and not needed to rely on the military to make their decisions for them. More to the point, they'd have known that you can't live in 2007+ with the same mindset you had in the 1980s.

But I'm sure you figured that in your zest to criticize.

>>676760957
You realize I'm talking about things that happened about 10 years ago, right?

>>676760711
cont

>the smell formed a small cloud around my nose
>i can barely breath
>by now it's about 1am (we got there 10pm)
>dick wouldn't raise even if it was in court and judge was morgan freeman
>i tell her i'm tired from work
>she doesn't mind it much, lays down by my side and ends up falling asleep
>at about 1:40am my cock starts getting hard outta nowhere
>no nigga we done here
>dick is diamonds
>grab her hand and start jerking myself off with her hand
>feelsgood.jpg
>shes sleeping with her stomach down
>looks like a fucking hyppo
>shes wearing panties only
>i get behind the huge meat monster
>pull her panties to the side
>slap her ass to see how awake she is
>no response
>slap harder
>still no response
>smack it like a mad lumberjack
>no response still
>we are cleared to engage
>literally ram my dick inside her ass
>i cum in about 2 minutes
>never talked to her about it and she never asked

not sure if rape or not.

>>676751042
>>did see armed robbery in police blotter in paper, but the suspect was "black male"
I reported a crime at work (white guy) and the officers immediately brought over a black guy.
>wtfguys.jpg

>>676759521
I would have beat your ass you dirty little tramp

>>676761044
It is when she downplays the importance of a college degree in a rapidly changing work culture.

>>676761104
>>dick wouldn't raise even if it was in court and judge was morgan freeman
+1

>>676760535
>All the day laying bricks and cutting grass.
>Boy i sure dont go to 4chan, read 3 mangas and fap to japanese actress 8 times everyday.
>I DONT HAVE TIME TO STUDY :,( I WAN DIE

>>676761049
>>676760957
point still stands.

people are beyond fucking lazy, "i work all day, i don't have time to study" whilst they type furiously on their computers watching porn and anime or whatever the fuck people do. It's not an excuses in my eyes, if you don't have time to study, then why the fuck would you even bother enrolling in the first place.

>>676760373
holy shit wait do you live in aus anon? like when did you do this last week or whenever?

>>676761284
>she downplays the importance of a college degree in a rapidly changing work culture, so i fail my exams.
KEK.

>>676760703
its easy.

go buy whatever you want from amazon (i do not recommend consoles/phones)

use the slow delivery. when the item you ordered shows up contact amazon support stating that you got an empty box.

OR (safer way)

you order 2 items at the same time. 1 expensive one cheap. when both items arrive (usually in the same box) claim that only the cheap item was in the box.

in both cases they will ask if you want a refund or replacement. Try getting the female support since they are easier to convince.

dont use any story or anything just say that it wasnt in box

yw anon

>>676757131
at least you should add sugar, so it sticks to what it hits.

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>>676761334
>>
>>
>>triggered

>>676751042
>robbed kid with two friends for ounce of cocaine
>rebroke his already broken jaw
>it was supposed to be to help a friend pay his rent but some fat chick who was obsessed w him gave him the money later that night. We spent the next week doing so much blow.
>friend ended up OD'ING at a strip club in Vegas on his birthday like 6 days later. He survived but it was pretty holy shit.

Another time

>friend stabbed homeless guy who grabbed him in the desert.
>Called me and I picked him up.
>We took the knife and dumped it in a bad of isopropyl alcohol put it in a grocery with gloves and threw it in a dumpster at jack in the box.
>I went by the spot the next day and saw a bunch of emergency vehicles at the spot he said it happened.

>went to the all black neighborhood up the street in Florida with a friend so he could rob a crack dealer at gunpoint for like 800 bucks. We blew all the money in one night on coke, roxys and liquor. Also ran a train on some chick w 2 friends.

>used to steal entire shopping carts filled with tons of expensive groceries. Would just run the cart out throw it right in back of my SUV. Did this probably like 8 times probably several thousand dollars in groceries.

I was 18 living on my own in Vegas and had just been fired from my job. I was giving zero fucks at this time smoking heroin and drinking like a fiend.

>we also stole thousands of dollars in liquor stealing two bottles at a time for lIke a year. They ended up changing the whole layout of the store to make it harder

I work as a bartender now and have my own house. Am much less of a nigger now and look back and cringe at how irresponsible I was and how lucky I am that I never caught a chrage.

>>676760535
Ayy lmao.
You sure were a hard worker, weren't you?
Being asked to cutt grass is an atrocity. Your parents are monsters.

>>676761391
Some people are just dumb shits. I did all my work and shit, studied a few hours every night, got all essays and shit in with good marks, still got mostly Bs because I'm just fucking shit at exams. Know a lot of places Bs are okay but I'm from one of those places full of smart asses and Bs meant absolute shit. Doesn't help most jobs see anything under an A as a fail. Shit I can't even get jobs at supermarkets and fast food places because I never got good enough grades. Not always about the study, it's about the man.

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>>676761650
Thanks bro

>>676751042
I stole a lizard from the petshop. I just reached in there and grabbed him and walked out.

>>676760466
Check'd.

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>>676756731
>>676756201

Should we tell him that genetics exists?

>>676762029
I've done The shopping cart thing at Wal Mart a couple times back when I was a broke nigger. It seemed almost too easy

>>676751042
I jaywalk several times a day. Never been charged.

>>676762248
If you can't get a job at a supermarket cuz of your grades that's bullshit. You probably came off as a creepy antisocial weirdo in the interview and they didn't want you weird in out customers

>>676755579
lol'd

>>676755599

and still got raped for $12K rent and lost money even after the $7K discount

>Raped my drunk friend while I thought they were asleep.

>They weren't asleep

>Blame drunkenness

>No charges pressed

>She becomes an angry man-hating feminist and leaves the state

>Oh well, she wasn't a good friend anyway

>>676762248
Never really had that problem, most of my employers only cared about if I can get the job done and the lengths I had to do to do it. My resume is about 3 pages long with 1 and a half pages covering the majority of my jobs from 4-6 years. I'm a Lawyer / criminologist so my work is carried over a large amount of areas but when i was younger i just did simple shit... was a brickie, applied to work in the mines and made mad cash out there. then i found time to study and yeah... worked my way up to where i am now. hard work gets you places.

>>676762960
any other washingtonDCfags here got busted for jaywalking by the Capitol Police office on the corner of 1st and C street by the Cannon building? dude probably gave me 15 jaywalking tickets.

>>676759589
Said healthy life not stable mentality.

>>676751042
>statutory rape
>embellishment
>cocaine
>car theft
>trademark infringement
>tax evasion
>bid rigging
>fraud
>ID theft
If I ever get caught I'm going to fed prison.

>>676760373
if you didn't use a VPN to post this you're retarded

>>676762971
I agree, what minimum wage pace gives a shit about grades

>>676763048
>Rapes friend
>She wasn't a good friend

What

>>676751042
I sucked my 4 years old brother penis. I was 9 tho so no pedo.

>>676763048
I'd assume getting raped would make anyone angry lol

>>676755919

getting fronted a half ounce from a dealer is hardly a big deal.

>>676761534
yeah i live in aus, in qld. did about wednesday morning at like 1-4am or so.

>>676762971
Never got an interview mate, only ever had one. Handed out hundreds and hundreds of CVs to all kinda shitstain stores and big shops, never got an interview

>Larceny
>grand theft auto
>breaking and entering,
->drug trafficking
>assault


... I was a bad kid

>>676763048
>Raped my drunk friend while I thought they were asleep.
>They weren't asleep

Yet she was quietly raped?

>>676763615
then you should do a better cv, a cv with mlp isn't gonna help much.

>>676763170
>implying the Australian police know how to track online

>>676762029

>smoking
>heroin

>>676762971
>creepy weirdo
This.
take a shower. wash your clothes. sell your samurai sword. think about every statement that comes out of your mouth before you make it and ask yourself if you should say it.

>>676763615
Damn you must suck. I don't think it was your grades though man. Is your name Daquan or some shit that would be a red flag? Also just handing in a app, sometimes you have to call back repeatedly and show them you're motivated and serious, or make sure you hand it in to the manager and ask them if you can have an interview.

>>676757698

lol what a faggot

"i hate my dad and my life im going to go burn down churches"

hope you get aids

>>676751042
THAT WAS YOU ?!?!?!!?!

>>676763894
Yeah its called black tar heroin and it's big on the west coast of the United States. You smoke it off of tin foil.

>be me
>hiv+
>gay sauna
>every weekend
>openly bareback anyone who lets me
>fake putting on a condom with those who don't let me

>>676751042
When I was in high school I stole a little slovenlier for a key chain from my trip to P.E.I and gave it to my dad. He still has it on his set of keys like 10 years later and I feel like shit every time I see it.

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>>676751042
> be me
> 3am
> up since day before because manic
> flying down highway at 180 km/h
> see transport truck cut a guy off just ahead
> have glass bottle in cup holder
> slow down and throw as passing the truck
> nail it in the cab
> hear loud shattering glass
> floor it
> leave highway
> go through back roads to my area
> get on gmod
> rdm some australian squeekers in ttt as the sun comes up
> never caught for automotive shenanigans
> banned for gmod lulz
> tfw got in more trouble for trolling ausfag kids than reckless driving and vandalism

>>676763816
Pfft, yeah, mlp CV isn't exactly my speed. But because I never had a job as a teen I'm unemployable because no previous employer as a reference. Friend once told me you always get your first job from a mate but even then mates that owned shops and stuff wouldn't employ me. It's my fault though, I should have studied like 24/7 and shit if I wanted to be anything but a drain.

>>676763894

in a lot of countries you can't get snortable heroin, so you have to smoke or slam

>>676764183
sorry man. think of it as a contribution to help a fellow human get his shit together. come visit me and ill give you 300 plus interest.

>>676764347

you are doing gods work. anyone that would go to a gay sauna and let people bareback them minutes after meeting them deserves hiv

>>676764046
Names Jack, probably the most generic name in the world.

>>676764387
Dude don't be afraid to lie either. Say you worked for a friend's landscaping company or something and then just have them bullshit for you. It isn't hard to fake a work history

>>676764347
eh im okay with this. I don't mind if homos die of aids, but it sucks that my taxpayers have to pay for it.

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>>676760134
Free trip. Sure some of the people are dicks, but some are nice, and plenty of the views are gotdang amazing

>>676764387

dude just fucking write down some bullshit work history and give them your friends number and say he is a manager at your last job

its pretty fucking simple shit

>>676764046
But yeah, I've tried it all. Must be something I'm doing wrong. I mean there's Bad Luck and then there's this, it's too bad to blame on luck

>be me, sophomore in college
>roommates and I go to Baskin Robbins on campus
>while roommate is making his order, I'm up next to the counter and grab a large peppermint pattie from the ingredients bowl
>stare at the cashier while doing so
>still not caught to this day

>>676764840

no one is going to hire someone with no work history. just fake it and give your friends numbers as managers (they probably wont even call them for the type of shit you are applying for)

>>676754508
You are what's wrong with America.

>>676764708
Also tried that, no shit works and it makes me seriously consider an heroing. Don't wanna be a drain on the economy and stuff any more.

>>676763158
>>embellishment
?

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>>676751042
>be me, child 10y old
>school ends, walking home
>visit candy shop at the corner
>candies cost 10cents mininum
>i have 5cents
>take 1 candy that cost 10cents
>walk out
>run to the paper dumpster at the corner
>eat that fucking candy
>powder candy stick, tastes great
>walk home, smirk

I didn't choose thug life, thug life chose me

was ~7ish. Stole a cushball from a friends house b4. only cuz my dad said he was missing money from his wallet after they came over to my place.
still hate that fukin cunt

>>676754050
>>676754825
>>676755742
>>676756694
In college I did this one thing that wasn't really sex but it was fun.

>In college
>Best friend is a girl
>Her boyfriend is a major douche
>She sleeps over at my room all the time or I stay at hers
>Heavy sleeper like cray
>I have huge crush on her, got friendzoned when I gave her a choice between me and her bf
>Don't feel too bad because I spend all this time with her while she is away at college.
>People think we're a couple
>So eventually I start touching her tits and shit while she is sleeping
>then I start using her hands to jerk me off
>I tried to finger her a few times. Only worked like twice
>She moves away
>Never heard about it, so she probably didn't know.

>be me 10 years later
>KEK all the time when I see her name on FB

>>676757215
>3- she knows she just got molested and is too drunk to be alone and stumbles for help

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>>676751042
15, playing soccer in a school gym with my team. The school forgot to lock the door to the maintenance room right next to it, and it had a FULL fridge of milk and chocolate milk cartons, and it was the best time I have ever had in school. Picture is similar, but actually good chocolate milk.

>>676765736
>got friendzoned when I gave her a choice between me and her bf
its fucktwats like you that make girls think all guys are creepy possessive weirdos.

The fact that people like you exist make it harder for people like me to get laid. i hate you dipshit.

>>676765169

go to a staffing agency and tell them you are literally looking for any job at all.

go to grocery stores and apply for third shift stocking. you can be the most antisocial deviant felon ever and get a job.

apply in person, follow up in person, shake their hand and look them in the eye.

you can get a job faggot. try harder.

>>676756759
Nature doesn't give a fuck if being sexually mature before being mentally mature could cause societal repercussions. All it gives a fuck about is passing on genes

>>676751042

I'm highly skeptical.

ATMs have security cameras built into them to see not only who's withdrawing money but who's behind them. Your image would have been gathered while you were standing in line before you got the bright idea of pulling your snow-hat down. Even walking past it or standing within a 40 degree radius of the face of the ATM means you've been recorded.

Source: Engineerfag who repairs boring shit including ATMs for a living.

>>676765736
>>676766102

you both are fucking losers

platonic relationships are bullshit he did the right thing to force her hand but when she picked the other guy he should have cut ties instead of hanging around like a little beta cuck

>>676766526

not him but

in 1998? dunno how long those cameras have been around. definitely know some of the shitty older ones didn't have that shit