WHO ATE MY SANDWICH?

>>676557870
Mornin'

Hey Barbara, you better tell HR that that sexual-harrasment-complaint is completely made up or I'll have you fired, bitch!

>>676558010
Nobody ate your sandwich. It went bad so I threw it out. You can't leave that stuff in the fridge so long, man.

I'm hitting random keys on my keyboard.

File: bread.jpg (71 KB, 1023x1023) Image search: [Google]

71 KB, 1023x1023

Alright fellas, I'm alright with the occasional office prank but this is going too far.

Who keeps putting bread in the fucking toilet?

I am, actually, at work now

Boss walking by so I'm typing this extra sentence so he thinks I'm working

File: 200w.gif (349 KB, 200x143) Image search: [Google]

349 KB, 200x143

HEY GUYS!!!
FLYIN' MY JET TO WORK TODAY!!!

>>676557870
>>676558010
>>676558037
>>676558055

You're all a bunch of cunts and I hate you all. I quit. An you can tell Pedro, when he's back from hiss 'sick leave' that I fucked hiss wife and killed his dog. And also, Barbara, I have masturbated into your coffee at least a dozen times.
GOOD BYE!

Why the fuck are there dirty dishes in the sink? Why the fuck is there a fork here, it's 8am, we've only had coffee, who the fuck is using a fork for coffee?

Sick of this shit guys, if you use it, wash it.

>>676558317

Nice jet, Ca-

File: tumblr_l08bdh6hNc1qb2izko1_500.jpg (73 KB, 500x383) Image search: [Google]

73 KB, 500x383

>>676558122

upsell the products to the competitive advantage that uplifts the quota to deaso whas to engaoaa[ s, fmapsd a;.;as d/adas;dl230o-230i430 9kp23od

>>676558345
>hiss
Guys why is there a snake at my desk

Sharon please stop leaving your paperwork on my desk, it's annoying and I'm not DATING YOU

Hey, did you hear what happened to Clara from accounting?

you guys stop that now and do something productive.

I am at work

Ok, I've finished those TPS reports, but I want you to know that this is a living document.

>SOULSSSSSSS

Also, I'm not sure if there actually is a difference, but doesn't our unpaid intern look a little vacant?

>>676558572
No, please enlighten us!

>walk in
>say nothing
>sit down and start working

This is how aspies do it

*masterbates in bathroom*

>>676557870
Walks by saying nothing, does everyone elses work for them

File: 1459211016507.gif (2 MB, 250x188) Image search: [Google]

2 MB, 250x188

I'm so fucking sick of this place.

Somebody tie a plastic bag around my head.

>>676557870
Fuckin white collar punks

>>676558531
Fucking Sharon right? Right?

>>676557870
GUYS SOMEONE FROM CORPORATE IS SUPPOSE TO BE HERE TODAY BUT WE DONT KNOW WHO IT IS!

Hey hector Let's do a few lines when the boss ain't looking

>>676558648
Supposedly she's having an affair with the boss's WIFE!

>>676558501
Aw, shucks! Karen, fetch the IT-guy, will ya? I spilled pepsi max all over the keyboard, again!

Is anybody talking to the boss about us hiring jews since January? I'm not ok with that

>>676558931
Phew, I thought she might have told someone about the rape, lol!

>>676559008
you are edgy even when you pretend to be at work

File: images.jpg (13 KB, 259x194) Image search: [Google]

13 KB, 259x194

How the fuck should i bake pies on internet?!

>>676558834
I hate these god damn audits. I hope their flight gets delayed.

>>676559037
Oh, please tell me about that

File: AD5ByVP.jpg (434 KB, 2448x1836) Image search: [Google]

434 KB, 2448x1836

hey look what I just did in the copy room while everyone was at lunch..

>>676559176
I cummed deep in her butt she got mad and accused me of rape

IT guy I need your help. Something on the computer is warning me about something called Cookies. I don't see any cookies anywhere.

File: postit-office.jpg (46 KB, 410x270) Image search: [Google]

46 KB, 410x270

I was only gone 2 days guys, really?

Synergy guys..teamwork...quotas

Hello, welcome to Subway

>>676557870
oh and by the way..The last person who tested my patience was my ex gf..she complained for 7 days to conceal an affair and try to make me break up with her. on the eighth day. i gave her one chance. she took the opportunity to go for blood. i responded with 6 words with enough impact destroy her COMPLETLY. she died two months later and i still don't give a #@%^. trust me. when you've got my full and complete attention i will hurt you. because it's like your asking for it.
don't make me a bad guy kiddo. i'd rather we be cool. so be cool. otherwise.There is an answer for that too. oh and one more thing. it's obvious i have age on you. i've read responses by women who complained of the size of my tool was too much to either bother reading cause she was either lazy and can't read which most women are. or she her pimp came in her ass and gave her diarrhea and so she was in a @#$%^& up mood and wanted to fire off a shot

>>676559349
In gonna report you to Human resources. You made a half nigger baby...

Hey g-guys i am uuhm i am new here and uuhh well i uuhhh hope we all uuuhh get along fine huh? H-h-haha... hahaha yeah...
>Stands around looking and playing with my pen

>>676557870
God damn it I got the promotion but there is no pay increase so I have more work

>>676559563
Oh no Ill lose my 401k!

>>676558665
Lol. That's me.

> by myself doing some shit in the corner whilst talking to myself.

"man I'm so fucking done with this place. You say that every time. I know I do but this time I mean it, I can't keep going at this FUCKING SHIT PLACE. I HATE BEING SURROUNDED BY THIS DEGENERATE RACISTS. I'm just not happy at all in any way and I need a fucking O.U.T but there isn't one, I've been here for 7 years now and it's literally killing me. Look at the hate filled person I've become because of this. I guess I'll just keep doing this shit until I die like a WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT FUUUUUUUUUUUCK"

Pretty much me every day at work. I have issues.

>>676557870

but I am at work.

>>676558037
fuck off, Darryl

>>676559731
Sandy from HR wants to talk to you now.

File: ice cream maker.jpg (69 KB, 480x360) Image search: [Google]

69 KB, 480x360

Closes office door and locks it..

Puts paper towels on desk..

Thinks of secretary

PROFIT

>>676560006
Maybe if I'm lucky she likes cum in her butt and let's me off

>>676559108
that's because I'm 14

>>676559108
>spot the big-honker

>>676559517
Jerry just copy these papers holy shit, every time I ask you to copy something you go off about your EX

>>676560543
She's a lesbo. All the HRs are lesbos

File: CaT5Z48UMAEGEsh.png (369 KB, 600x427) Image search: [Google]

369 KB, 600x427

>>676557870
Sees one of you reach in your desk

>>676557870
and that's how I meet my goaaaaaals

File: 1458608250903.jpg (33 KB, 419x419) Image search: [Google]

33 KB, 419x419

>>676560714
You done fucked up. Mods

Hello I am Stanley and I just came from corporate to audit you. Why the fuck do I see dildos on that man's desk?

>>676561052
It's a stapler.

>>676561262
He's the office gay guy

File: image.jpg (29 KB, 480x360) Image search: [Google]

29 KB, 480x360

>>676561262

File: 1459216809574.jpg (43 KB, 400x399) Image search: [Google]

43 KB, 400x399

>>676561310
I don't trust you

>>676561555
God?

Posting in a "pretend to be at work" thread from the computer at work.

no-images-to-post.jpg

>>676561246
I got banned, thanks a lot idiot!

>>676561555
I'm head of purchases. I can fire you in 1 second. Don't be a wise guy faggot or I'll fire your ass so hard.

I am at work though

>>676558502
I don't know man, I would talk to Deborah about that.