>>676297765
Charles,

Did you get the memo to take the garlic bread out?

John.

Guys there's still shit everywhere when will Pablo stop whacking it in the closet and clean this?

>>676297765
CHARLES, MY ROBOT THAT THE ENGINEERS BUILT TO DO MY DUTIES WHILE I WAS IN MOSCOW MALFUNCTIONED AND DIDN'T CLEAN

PAUL THE JANITOR

>>676297765
HR ANNOUNCEMENT
My sister is coming over later today. Act accordingly.
-Lenny

>>676297835
Yes I did. I left a piece on your desk with some melted butter.
Charles, CEO

>>676297982
Paul, I appreciate the enthusiasm but this is no time for caps. Please clean the shit from all the desks.
Charles, CEO

>>676297936
PAUL THE JANITOR said he got back from his holiday in Moscow and he'll be taking over the robot's work.

>>676298027
Thanks babe, u dtf any time soon?
John, Head Hairdressing Consultant.

>>676298019
Lenny, bring your sister to work day was last week. Today is bring your sex slave to work day. Big Important Company will not be held responsible for any mishaps that may occur.
Charles, CEO

>>676298019
I will fuck her with the force of a thousand Sun's
-Jim CEO

I JUST CLEANED A FAMILY OF POSSUMS, SHIT FROM DESKS, AND SEVERAL GALLONS OF CUM FROM THE BASEMENT WATER COOLER, WHAT ELSE NEEDS CLEANING?

PAUL THE JANITOR

>>676298153
Re: Can I borrow the Robot?

Can I borrow the Robot?

Thanks,
Herbert

>>676298153
John, I told you to keep private matters PRIVATE. This will be your last warning.
Charles, CEO

>>676298269
Right. Sex slave day. Bringing my sister.
ANYONE GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT
-Lenny

>>676298305
Jim, I find it very inaproprate that you would add my title to your name. Any further behavior will result in your banishment from 4chan domain.
Charles, CEO

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It's about time you upgraded your computers, company!

>>676298331
Re: Re: Can I borrow the robot?
Cc: PAUL THE JANITOR, Charles

You'd have to ask PAUL THE JANITOR.

John.

>>676298373
Charles,

Sorry, I'll keep it more professional. Dear Charles, When will you be available for coitus? I have an opening for 7:30 on Sunday.

Faithfully, John.

>>676298373
DON'T YOU DARE TALK TO MY LOVER LIKE THAT!!!!
-Jim CEO

>>676298530
Talk to IT
-Lenny

Charles,
You get that thing I sent you?

Dan, The Fantasy Football Guy

>>676298604
Absolutely. Come to my office a bit early for prep-work before the meeting.
Charles, CEO

>>676298517
I'm sorry. I LOVE YOU
-Jim

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>>676298627
Nah you do that after I corrupt your hard drive.

Ivan from the armory back again

Some new things for the company armory-
All employees are issued a Mosin and a bottle of vodka
We have plenty of AK12/47 in stock
Plenty of RPGs
The tanks are back (T34s of course)
Interns only get BB and nerf guns

Can i come back?

Johnry

>>676298729
I accept the apology Jim. Now get those copies taken care of. Now that Juan has been gassed, we need someone in the butt picture department.
Charles, CEO

>>676298794
WHY WAS I ISSUED A TT-30 AND NOT A MOSIN?

PAUL THE JANITOR

>>676298665
Re: That thing
Charles, your obsession with your fake football team has lead you astray. You don't work for this company, We've asked you to stay out of the offices multiple times already. I will get the police involved if this continues.
John.

>>676298714
Charles,
Do you have the enema kit?
John.

>>676298794
Ivan,
I'll take an AK12 if that's not too much bother.
John.

>>676298794
Thanks Ivan. Keep up the good work. ISIS has a big order coming in so be sure that you're ready for the paper work.
Charles, CEO

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>>676298897
Sorry I'm late, sir. Anything you need from me today?

Emily, COO

>>676298767
Computers are so 21st century. I do everything by typewriter and pigeon carrier.
-Lenny

>>676299016
I don't even know what fantasy football is. Tell that imposter that we want none of his business with what ever thing he's talking about.
Charles, CEO

Ivan, how are you?

Johnry, hiding in the basement

>>676298994
I'll look into it for you, I've been trying to get some white phosphorus so you can clean the floors but apparently that "illegal" to the Geneva Convention

>>676298805
Sure. I hear they're looking for people in the mail room. I'll hit up chuckles to see if that position is still available.

Dan, The Guy Who just Started eating Quinoa and won't stop telling you about how good it is for you.

IVAN, DID YOU STORE NUCLEAR WARHEADS IN MY CLOSET?

PAUL THE JANITOR

>>676299077
Thanks for coming, Emily. No, I think we're good for now. I'm sure that soething will come up, though.
Charles, CEO
P.S. Whatever happened to Queen Samantha?

>>676299077
Can I suck your dick?
-Jim, COO

>>676299175
Charles. Do you need me to arrange an HR meeting with you and Jim? Because I dont know who is CEO and I need to know.

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>>676299326
She must have given up. Oh well, company is yours, now. I'm in my office if you need me.

>>676297765
Charles,

Prepare your anus.

~The I.R.S.

>>676299029
The suicide vests and goats right?

>>676299326
Kate her. You're welcome
-Jim

>>676299268
Dan, Johnry may work in the mail department. Be sure he's not allowed in the male department.
Charles, CEO

Subject: Sergei
To: All
Does anybody know what happened to Sergei (Sandwich)? He's still on the payroll but I haven't seen him in the offices lately.
John.

>>676299077
Emily.
Lateness is unacceptable. Next time drive faster.
-Lenny from HR

>>676299417
LEGALLY YOUR NOT ALLOWED IN THE OFFICE AS I HAVE DEEMED IT UNSAFE FOR MONEYGRUBBING JEWS

PAUL THE JANITOR

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>>676299077
Due to a technical issue your private emails with Charles has made it's way to the shared network storage and rumors have started to spread!

>>676299403
Let me suck your dick, you faggot
-Jim, COO

>>676299399
Jim was a bit lower hungry. Dont worry, we've gotten it settled.
Charles, CEO

Charles,
I totally shredded those documents you asked me to shred.

Dan, The guy who talks to you at the most inconvenient times

>>676299300
That was probably fucking Sergei, bring the to the armory please, and whatever you do don't drop them

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>>676299584
Of course, Lenny. I was just bringing my things from the last thread.

>>676299648
Yes sir. Thank you sir.

>>676299525
I absorbed him, and we have become one
-Jim, COO

>>676299600
Paul,

The officers outside think otherwise.

~The I.R.S.

>>676299525
I haven't seen him in awhile.
>>676299403
Will you please get on finding sandwich? Thank you.
Charles, CEO

>>676299690
I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW HE GOT THEM IN HERE. THE CLOSET IS A 5 FOOT BU 5 FOOT ROOM AND THE DOORWAY IS LIKE 2 FEET WIDE, THESE WARHEADS ARE LIKE 4 FEET WIDE AND THEIR STACKED UP

PAUL THE JANITOR

>>676299828
Yes, sir.

Yay, mail!

>>676299674
Dan,

May I have a word with you in private?

~The Not I.R.S.

>>676299712
Ill let it slide this time. But I swear to god if I see any unequal pay bullshit I will literally shit on your desk.
-Lenny from HR.

>>676299864
A little commie witchcraft

Ivan

>>676299786
Jim, you are not the COO. Emily is the COO. I will not be telling you again.
Charles, CEO

>>676299786
Jim,
If what you say is true I think HR will have some issues. Please contact Charles to tell him what happened.
John.

WHY DOESN'T EMILY LOVE ME ANYMORE?!?!?!
-Jim, COO

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>>676299803
CAN THE OFFICERS THINK OF... POCKET SAND?!

>>676299674
Dan, tell the I.R.S. to fuck off. Thank you.
Charles, CEO

>>676299930
Of course. I love meeting new people.

Dan, that oblivious guy who is just kind of around

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The server crashes and lights on fire.

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>>676299977
Lenny,

I am your boss. I hired you. I make 100 times more than you. I don't complain, either.

Emily, COO

>>676300016
I'm sorry
-Jim, First Lord of the Admiralty

>>676298019
Is it ok if I eat your sister? Then make you eat a bunch of live kittens?

Also who put creampies in the copy machines again

-David Deblazio|Printing and copying

>>676300101
Dan,

Get in the black van.

~The Not I.R.S.

>>676300026
This is problematic. Please give this absorbtion form to Jim when you see him again. Thank you.
-Lenny from HR

>>676300113
Well said, Emily. By the way, I think Jim has started using COO after his name in his emails. You might want to talk to him about that.
Charles, CEO

>>676300172
IT WAS PROBABLY MY NEPHEW, SORRY I'LL CLEAN IT UP

PAUL THE JANITOR

Charles,

I know this is beneath you, but could you PLEASE tell people to stop with the fake Windows 10 installation screens?!

Everyone in IT is getting sick of it.

Dan, IT Supervising Manager

>>676299930
Wait I need to go to the bathroom real fast

>>676300097
I got you Fam. I told him i needed to poop.

Dan, The 30 something year old who never really moved up in the company, but hasn't done enough to reasonably get fired.

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>>676300279
I thought we fired him? Whatever, everyone here knows to ignore him anyways.

Emily

>>676300287
Thanks Paul, you've been doing a great job. I haven't gotten a complaint about shit being in desks for weeks.
Charles, CEO

>>676297765
Hey guys this is Terry down in maintenance. Has anyone been here like at all in the past 4 years? There's so much dust and I swear I heard something from d

>>676300048
Paul,

ARRRRGHHH!!!!!

~The I.R.S.

>>676300317
I'LL SAVE THE DAY
-Jim, First Lord of the Admiralty

>>676300287
Thank you PAUL I love you PAOL

-David

>>676300113
I am HR. Dont make me file a rape claim against you. You only think you own me. But in reality I OWN YOU. Please come to me with any complaints around the office.
-Lenny from HR

Excuse me miss emily it took me a while but i finished cleaning the desk's uhm i found a body near the bunker what do you want me to do with it
Andrew . janitor

>>676300172
You can go ahead and eat my sister.
-Lenny

>>676300317
Of course, thank you Dan. Is there any way we could revert all our systems back to Windows 7? Windows 8 is terrible.
Charles, CEO

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>>676300475
Lenny,

There is no need to get hostile. You do a good job running the department. Keep it up.

Emily, COO

>>676300475
Just owned that bitch
-Jim, First Lord of the Admiralty

>>676300587
Thanks bb.
-Lenny from HR

>>676300317
Dan,
PAUL THE JANITOR accidentally plugged both ends of the ethernet cable into a router and now the broadband is stuck in a loop. Please fix this soon, I have recipes to look at.
John.

>>676300435
I went down their. Terry's boddy is now controlled by homohphallic meat balls
-Andy/\ Traffic services

THERE IS AN EAGLES NEST IN THE FLORESCENT NAME LIGHTS OUTSIDE AND I CANT GET NEAR IT.

PAUL THE JANITOR

>>676300663
Lenny, please stop harassing Emily.
Charles, CEO

>>676299930
HI I'm Matt. Your tax lawyer?

That will be 2 million for
A hundred million filed in tax cuts.

>>676300546
Thanks. She tasted really good. She iss still alove inside my tummy. Wanna incest?
-David

>HR ANNOUNCEMENT
Tommorow is Jims Birthday. Get him something nice.

>>676300685
Do not question the basement. This goes for everyone.
Charles, CEO

>>676298019
Lenny,

It's Lily, your sister. I'm here now, and people are acting a little weird around me. I brought my resume like you asked. Will I really get an internship at the BIC?

~Lily the Potential-Intern

If you parked your car in the southern end of the parking lot it was probably destroyed, the armory just got in a 152mm gun and we decided to test fire it

Contact HR for information

Ivan

David, General Counsel reporting in. Come to me with all your legal concerns/bodies for disposal (literal and metaphorical).

>>676300829
Ill pass. Thanks though.
-Lenny from HR

>>676300674
How could you let this happen, John?
-Jim, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

>>676300759
Paul, I think there's another extendable ladder in the basement next to the Asian sweatshop.
Charles, CEO

>>676300835
I HAVE TAMED THE EAGLES ON THE LIGHTS OUTSIDE, WOULD HE LIKE A TAMED EAGLE?

PAUL THE JANITOR

Guys, we got a letter from mister A. Nellsecks, he wants his investment refunded.

Johnry, mailfag

>>676300770
Feel free to file a Harassment form out to HR.
-Lenny from HR

>>676300835
Hey guys. Send me one happy birthday card. And I will mass produce copies. Enough to give to everywone within a few miles.
-David

>>676300317
Dan
I didn't know there were two Dans in the office. Great to meet you.

The Other Dan, The guy who walks around the office on casual Friday wearing an I hate Mondays tee

>>676300785
Thank you, Matt.

Your services are no longer required.

~The Not I.R.S.

>>676300979
Tell mister A. Nellsecks that all sales are final.
Charles, CEO

>>676300851
Why? The basement is strange, Why? Why arent you foghting back?
-Andy

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>>676300990
Lenny,
Have you started on annual performance reviews? Let me know if you want to sit in on them.

Emily, COO

>>676300991
Good thinking David.
Charles, CEO

>>676300990
I would like to file a harassment report against Charles, CEO
-Jim, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

>>676300853
Maybe I dont know. Go talk to Charles. The CEO. He should set you up.
-Lenny from HR

>>676300835
Sorry sir the coolest thing i have is a couple of rats and a dead body that idk what to do with
Andrew . janitor

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>>676300865
Did the car look like this?
You didn' reck my wride did you!
-David

>>676301108
Andy, the basement is a place of secrecy, slavery and gas chambers. Please do not question it.
Charles, CEO

>>676300905
Oh ok. I just gave birth to her again. Want her back?
-David

>>676300581

I would LOVE to, but SOMEONE who will remain nameless (you know who you are) just loves the Metro interface so much they don't want to go ba

Damn it, now I'm getting served a warrant by the FBI!!

Dan, IT Supervising Manager

>>676301194
Yes I will start shortly.
-Lenny

>>676301222
What has he done?

>>676301222
What have I done, Jim? I am the CEO. Any harrassment form is sent to me anyways.
Charles, CEO

>>676301218
Thanks Liam

>>676301329
I will go Joseph Smith on your ass
-Jim, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

>>676301218
Mr CEO,

Hi, I'm Lily, Lenny's sister! I'm here for my internship interview?

~Lily the Potential Intern

>>676301280
Well we kinda turned the parking lot into a massive crater so I'm not sure

Ivan

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Charles,
We need to consider liquidating our assets, these are charts the finance team drew up.

>>676300923
Personally I think all of the hip-hop and rap that PAUL THE JANITOR listens to is having a bad effect on his personality.
John.

>>676301378
Dan,
You still haven't fixed the broadband loop. I really need to look at my recipes.
Priority: Highest
John.

>>676300853
Lily, today is bring your sex slave to work day. I apologise for the misunderstanding.
Charles, CEO

>>676301194
Hey Emily... What's the ... I... uh

The Other Dan, Not the I.T. Guy but you mistake him for the I.T. guy because you're still not really sure what he does here

>>676301329
Oh I get it. Can I help the basement then?
-Andy the traffic cone

>HR ANNOUNCEMENT
performance reveiws soon. Prepare your anus.

Excuse me miss emily ,COO i found a dead body near the bunker it has a nametag that says corey should get rid of it or can i keep him?
Andrew . janitor

>>676301378
Dan, I'll talk to my good friend Trump about that for you. Sorry for all this trouble.
Charles, CEO

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>>676301329
Sir, one of the intern applicants is here. Do you want to interview her, or shall I?

Emily, COO

>>676301447
He said Joseph Smith was a con-artist
-Jim, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

>>676301541
Oh wait, I parked that in my copy room next to my PayR-15's and SprayKay-47's
Nevermind
-David

>>676301534
In which department would you like to work?
Charles, CEO

Sorry I'm late today, middle management cocksuckers.. needed to murder a tremendous fatniggerFUCK in traffic today in the daylight, which is normal. Just a little longer today to clean the blood

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>>676301578
Er, are you one of the IT guys? What can I help you with?
>>676301687
You can keep him, so long as you keep him out of the hallways or where people can see.

Emily, COO

>>676301544
Don't worry about those. I had them make those to help cover up the involvement with ISIS.
Charles, CEO

HEY GUYS, DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHY I WAS ORDERED TO BUILD A DRY-DOCK?
ARE WE GETTING A NAVY?

PAUL THE JANITOR

>>676301534
Hey lilly. Rember the good times in me. If you ever wantnto go througj a moddle intestin. Just let me know
-David

>>676301750
Alright. Thanks for filling out the forms. Ill be sure to send it to the board for evaluation.

>>676301883
K thank you miss
Andrew . janitor

>>676301731
As President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I will do it
-Jim, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

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>>676301575
Charles (can I call you Charles?),

Sorry sir, Lenny told me to come find you. Now I have no idea where I am in this giant building, and the janitor is looking at me funny...

~Lily the Unemployed Student

>>676301731
I've got it covered Emily. Lily has yet to tell me which department she wants to work in.

>>676301943
Paul its time for your performance reveiw. Come with me please.

>>676301943
PAUL THE JANITOR,
The Navy subpoenaed all of our documents but need a place to dock.
John.

>>676302031
You're fired
-Jim Trump, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

>>676301546

John,

There's going to be a little bit of a delay on that. APPARENTLY someone has been using our servers to host a barely legal asian ladyboy porn site.

Dan, IT Supervising Manager

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>>676302051
Alright. If she's interested, I could always use a secretary. Might be good to keep the only two females in the company together.

Emily

FUCK WHO KEEPS PUTTING sharpies IN THE DAMN PRINTERS. STOP PLEASE. IT FUCKS IT ALL UP. And who stole my lunch trailer, am I expected to starve?
-David

>>676302031
Yes you may call me Charles. And don't worry about him, he's on a LOT of acid right now. How would you feel about being the manager of the basement? I need more reports on what is going on down there.
Charles, CEO

>>676302160
I already fired her
-Jim, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

>>676302150
Dan,
No wonder the Navy subpoenaed all of our documents, I think you should stop hosting child porn sites on work servers.
John.

>>676301819
Charles,

Thank you for getting back to me! I'm an Arts major at school so I'm like good at painting, and photography, and wearing nice clothes and stuff. I think I'd make a great VP of Marketing (maybe someday!)

~Lily the Intern-Hopeful

>>676302209
David. If you want to fill out a complaint with HR fill out the forms and I totally wont put them through the shredder.

>>676302160
That's a great idea. Of she's not up for being the basement manager, I'll have her talk to you.
Charles, CEO

>>676302269
Charlie I gotta go potty, but the beastie wont leave!!!!
-Andy

>>676302365
The ahredder is my department. I'll do it my self
-David

>>676302354
My COO Emily has requested you to be her assistant. Its either that or the basement manager. They both pay the same, so it's up to you.
Charles, CEO

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>>676302370
Very good, sir. I also just had the profits come in from the boys in accounting. We managed to cut employee pay by over 15%, and we executives will be taking home bonuses of over 25 million this year.

Emily

>HR ANNOUNCEMENT
whoever moved the shredder from HR owes me one jelly doughnut
-Lenny from HR

>ANNOUNCEMENT
I HAVE TO SHUT DOWN BUILDING POWER BECAUSE MOHAMMAD BLEW UP THE RELAYS OR SOME SHIT

PAUL THE JANITOR

>>676302370
CAN I BE THE BASEMENT MANAGER?!?!
-Jim, President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

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>>676301968
David,

Umm... what a creep?

>>676302136

Jim,

Ohhhh nooooo :'( :'( :'( >.< what will I tell my dad?

>>676302269

A manager? So soon? I accept! I'll do my best, sir!

~Lily the Basement Manager

>>676302603
Great work Emily. By the way, I heard about your sister getting married. Tell her I said congratulations.
Charles, CEO

>>676302680
Uhhh It was,
I think,
IT WASNT ME
But it was,
Jane Adams

Muhaosod this is my doughnut and not yours
-David

>>676302687
Paul. You performance reveiw needs to be done. Just tell me when you are ready.

PAUL one of your trained eagles ate one of my rats wtf man if i catch another one of your eagles doing that again he's gonna be my diner
Andrew . janitor

>>676302703
If Lily prefers to be Emily's assistant, then I'd be happy to offer you that position, Jim.
Charles, CEO

>>676302343

John,

Maybe if I was given competent employees and not bunch of Romanian hackers and Chicom sleeper agents I would be able to get things done.

Dan, IT Supervising Manager

>>676302843
NO NO NO. NEVER READY. THE POO. THE PRECIOUS POOO. I WOLLT
-PAUL

>>676302843
I'M READY NOW

PAUL THE JANITOR

>>676302713
Hey lilly. Can you cut apart my ballsack in the basement. That is like totslly my fettish
-David

>>676302922
Don't worry about it Paul. Just make shit up on your performance report and I'll sign it for you. You are a great asset to this company.
Charles, CEO

>>676302922
So I have gathered all of your complaints. It loojs like you havent been doing your job much. And also letting your eagles loose around the office?

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>>676302751
Guess what, Charles? I HAVE THIS!!! It gives my sect of Judaism more rites than yours, and it was approved by the Czar himself
-Jim

To: Ralph, Head of Development
From: Tom, Accounting

Finally back from my procedure, the vagoplasty and breast augmenyation were very successful. Want to have drink at my place?

[Accidentaly company-wide email]

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>>676302751
Much obliged sir, I'll let her know. Do you want to make the announcement that only the executives will be taking home bonuses this year, or shall I? Also, HR is in the midst of performance reviews, I will have them sent to you when they are done.

Emily, COO

>>676302958
Paul,

Please stop posting in all caps. I'm already getting my ass bit off from the top brass about bandwidth conservation.

Dan, IT Supervising Manager.

>>676302922
Your dubs have earned you a raise. Good job, Paul. Keep it up.
Charles, CEO

>>676303106
CYKA BLYAT
-Andy

>>676302680
Lenny,

Sorry it was me. I gave it to Accounting because apparently they need to shred a LOT of things very quickly because of the Toy'R'Us? I don't know what that is.

Anyway, in return, the CFO gave me his title. Come visit me sometime!

~Lily the CFO and Basement Manager

P.S. I'm going to hire my friend Sandy to be my assistant. Is that okay?

TO THE FUCKER PRETENDING TO BE ME

STOP IT.

PAUL THE JANITOR

>>676302958
Here is the deal paul. I could het you fired from this buisness. But I like you. So give me say... one and a half jelly doughnut and we're good.

>>676303106
Jim, we all know that Russian isn't a real language. Nice try though, it have me a laugh.
Charles, CEO

>>676303232
Maybe you didn't turn off your robot clone
Andrew janitor

>>676303232
MY NAME IS PAUL. I HAVE HERPIES. MY MOMMIE CHEWED ON MY PENIS WHEN I WAS 43

>>676303232
DON'T LISTEN TO HIM. I'M PAUL

PAUL THE JANITOR (Jim)

>>676303157
You go ahead and do that. I have an appointment with one of my escorts right now.
Charles, CEO

>>676303221
Lilly, thats fine. Have my jelly doughnut brought to my office whenever. Also how is managing the basement? What even is down there.
-Lenny from HR

So it turns out I cant use caps anymore.

Paul the Janitor

>>676303056
David,

NO. I'm calling security. And by that I mean my bff Sandy.

~Lily the CFO and Basement Manager

>>676303180
Dan, it is a necessary part of his communication. (he has turettes) See if you can't rob more bandwidth from the McDonald's next door.
Charles, CEO

Who put a baguette in the toilet?
Andrew, janitor

>>676303390
My office
-Jim

>>676303390
Guys. A little help here. I was trying to turn on my deep frier. And now my laptop is stuck to the floor. I am prepred to sue
-David

Fuck! Sorry I'm late guys. I had to-...

>>676303232

Paul! You fucking nigger, did you clean that shit up in the breakroom yet!?

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Attention everyone:

Due to company wide budget cuts, I unfortunately have to make the announcement, only the company executives will be taking home bonuses this year. I understand that this may come as a disappointment to you, but know that Charles and I appreciate all the hard work you do. Please come to me if you have any questions.

Emily, COO

>>676303514
Thats my toilet baguette. Leave it be.
-Lenny from HR

ALLAHU AKBAR!!!!.
Ahem.
Is my order for bulk of AK's ready?

- Ali ISIS CEO

>>676303250
No you most certainly can not.
Charles, CEO

>>676303559
Its been cleaned up for weeks now, where have you been?

Paul the Janitor

>>676303600
Emily, I have a question.

>>676303678
Go ahead.

Emily, COO

>>676303600
What? You guys used go give bonuses!?
Andrew , janitor

>>676303619
Talk to our head of weapons, Sandwich.
Charles, CEO

>>676303600
I'll kill you myself, YOU FUCKING WHORE
-Jim, Emperor of the Romans

>>676303619
NO YOU CAMEL. THEY GOT MOVED TO THE BASEMENT SINCE LENNY KEPT TRYING TO FUCK THEM. I'm PAUL. I HAVE HERPIES AND HAIDS

PAUL THE JANITORIAL

>>676303600
I only make 20 bucks a year and I've been working here for 15 years, I say this is an outrage.

Paul the Janitor

>HR ANNOUNCEMENT
Due to executives only getting bonuses. I remind you to direct all complaints to HR. And wont throw them away at all no sir.
- Lenny from HR

>>676303617
Oh sorry it already became my diner
Andrew janitor

>>676303600
Excellent dubs Emily.
Charles, CEO

>>676303782
Would IT please come and collect this defective robot?

Paul the Janitor

>>676303726
WHY DO YOU ENJOY FUCKING ME OVER EVERY GOD DAMN FUCKING YEAR! ATLEAST TAKE ME TO DINNER BEFORE YOU FUCK ME!!!

>>676303795
Paul, I am so sorry. I was unaware of your payment situation. Emily, will you please make sure that Paul gets an adequate wage increase?
Charles, CEO

>>676303815
Shove it up your ass, Lenny. I never trusted you
-Jim

>>676303642
Charles do you want me to send these 18 rape claims to the board or do you want to give me a jelly doughnut.

>>676301534
Re:
I liked those pictures you sent me. ;)

Sincerely,
Bob from Management

>>676303600
Emily,

But I worked so hard giving Accounting that paper shredder, and throwing out all of Jim's stuff from his office (which is now mine)! I think me and my bff Sandy deserves a bonus too.

~Lily the Basement CFO

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>>676303919
This was not my decision to make, the partners all took a vote, and this was the outcome. I apologize again, this was not an outcome that we could have predicted.

Emily, COO

>>676303964
Please feel free to fill out a "shove it up your ass" form to HR.
-Lenny from HR

>>676303600

Emily,

I'm going to be straight with you, either I get the bonus I was promised or I send Charles a copy of all the files from the keylogger on your laptop.

Dan, IT Supervising Manager

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>>676304006
Lily, as you have just started at the company, and the money for bonuses has already been allocated, we are unfortunately unable to offer you one. Maybe next year.

Emily, COO

>>676303976
Bob,

Those were NOT meant for you! Delete them please, they were for my bff Sandy.

~Lily the Embarrassed Basement CFO

>>676303967
I am the board. And here's a jelly doughnut for the threat, I appreciate your taking initiative in promoting scare tactics.
Charles, CEO

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I would like to turn this in
-Jim

>>676304101
SIr that is not allowed!
I have herlies haids and jesus disease

Paul the Janitor

>>676304193
Yeah they were meant for me you sick ffuck!!
~Sandy Hook

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>>676304160
Dan,

I would take this concern up with Charles. I am merely reporting the results of a vote from the partners. I am again sorry for this.

Emily, COO

>>676304201
Thank you. I accept this jelly doughnut

>>676304040
BUT ITS FUCKING YEAR EMILY! EVERY FUCKING YEAR!! DO YOU KNOW HOW I LIVE?! I LIVE IN A ONE BEDROOM APARTMENT IN NIGGERVILLE! AND TO ADD TO IT, MY WIFE JUST LEFT ME FOR A FUCKING GOOK!! IM SERIOUSLY CONTEMPLATING KILLING MYSELF EMILY, YOU FUCKING WHORE!!

>>676304193
Re:
I've already put them up in the break room.

Love,
Bob from Management

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someone left their shit in the copy machine again. Come take it. I dont want it.

-David

Everyone, I have important news. I will be taking leave for awhile as I have discovered that there's a kick ass island with water slides and everything. I will most likely be back in exactly 20 hours real time to create another thread. Thanks for the good work, keep it up. If you have any questions, please direct them to Emily, the new CEO.
Charles, former CEO of Big Important Company

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Here's my form, Lily
-Jim

Excuse me miss emily can i ask you a question?
Andrew janitor

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>>676304431
I would talk to Charles, he has demanded personal oversight on giving raises. Have a good day.

Emily, COO

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Hello everyone,

How are things? Charles come to the conference room.

Donald Trump
-Chairman of the board

>>676304369
Emily,

It has come to my attention that BIC is looking to liquidate their assets. Should I sell my fifty percent or hold?

Nathan II, 50% Shareholder of BIC

>>676304501
Thats not filled out. Plus that goes through HR first.
-Lenny

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Hello everyone,

As you may have heard, I am taking over as CEO. I am also taking applications to replace me as COO. Keep up the good work!

Emily, CEO

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>>676304501
Get the updated one you fuck

-Nameless plumber-

>>676304468
>>676304501

>>676304101
Lenny,

What's the procedure to file for harassment, and where is the form to get rid of THIS GIANT RAT IN THE BASEMENT???

~Lily the Basement CFO

I've worker here 20 years, but what do we do again?

-John

>>676304582
Get the fuck out, you fake
-Jim

>>676304582
Mr.Trump, I am currently on my island with the water slides. Would you meet me there?
Charles, former CEO of Big Important Company

>>676304594
Any such reports are completely unfounded.

Emily, CEO

>>676304477
POOP CHUTE
-Andy