Johnry from the sub-basement reporting in

We need to get this startup off of the ground

hey i'm juan, the cleaner my amigos

>>676286655
Checked, also the urinals are filled with shit.

Johnry

Mr. Jacobson wants us in the boardroom NOW. I think someone's getting fired.

>>676286904
Watch out steve

Who the fuck took my coffee

Guys we need you all to sign this card for Karen's birthday

Hi, this is Dave from HR. Big Important Company was fail, am work here now. First order of business, all employees must remove clothing and lie on ground silently screaming at the sky.

Sincerely,
Dave from HR

IVAN FROM THE ARMORY REPORTING IN SIR!

>>676285444
has anyone seen my stapler?

- Tod from Accounting

some of you are cool... dont come to work tomorrow

HELLO THIS IS RAKESH FROM TECH SUPPORTING I WILL BE TECH SUPPORTING YOU TODAY WITH YOUR TECH SUPPORT NEEDS

Who want to jack off with me in the bathroom?

File: Darklord.jpg (44 KB, 1280x720) Image search: [Google]

44 KB, 1280x720

>>676285444
WHO TOOK MY FUCKING VALIUM!?!

WAS IT YOU FRANK?! YOU FUCKING NIGGER!

I swear I'll fuck your wife while you watch you fucking cuck

>>676287361
I'll file a report to get a new, need anymore vodka or Kalashnikovs?

I told you bastards before, STOP BREAKING THE CASE FOR THE GODDAMN THERMOSTAT!! I'm tired of fixing the fucking thing.

I think I got a virus.

>>676287283
you got stuck here too davey

- Tod from Accounting

File: businessman-late-to-work-8049682.jpg (77 KB, 1316x1300) Image search: [Google]

77 KB, 1316x1300

>>676285444
sorry everyone that I'm late I had to finish slashing tods tires

Dave from IT here, let me know if anyone needs their adobe updated

>>676287614
check
>>676287556

I am now taking over this company. From the basement with the asian children to HR to CEO. I am also renaming this company Big Important Company. Fuck all you fags.

>>676287739
I'M GETTING SO MANY VIRUS ERRORS HELP HELP HELP

>>676287206

If anyone should get fired it's him. Suck a dog fucker.

Im back from lunch, who died?

-Johnry

>>676287556
Hello, Pajeet, uhm, I have this big ass stinky virus and it's telling me about teamviewer

>>676287887
That dirty bastard Chang.

File: 1459137683681.png (19 KB, 400x350) Image search: [Google]

19 KB, 400x350

>>676287795
Lol forgot image and ending

Sincerely,
Dave, CEO

>>676287980
One of the Asian kids that was in the old company's basement right?

Know how Jen's been dragging her ass on the project? I heard from Pam that she walked in on her boyfriend...with another man. She's such a wreck.

Found gay porn on Tod's history.

i've been moved to IT

- Tod from IT

>>676287980
Oh shit, he had my stufff. Did anyone find a small plastic baggie with a certain crystal material inside?

Johnry

>>676288153
No, we took care of them years ago before the merger went through. You know, back when those German motherfuckers sold the company?

>>676288191
Really?
Fuck,
Tod has 3 kids man

>>676287993
Well we be il using Asians again in the basement? I need help with my inventory keeping

Sincerely, Ivan

>>676288208
u sneaky bastard

>>676288191

>>676288395
All of them adopted.....

Johnry.

>>676288191
And i also came in your coffee now keep your whore mouth shut


- Tod from IT

Sorry I'm late, I was trying to uncover secrets about our rival company, Nigger and Co.

-Mason Buckleberry, Lawfirm

>>676288395

My sister's husband works with his wife. She's gonna be devastated.

>>676288350
Fuck, then why did I have asian kids? Were those not company owned? Damn I can't go back to Bangkok now.....

Dave, CEO

>>676288395
2, his baby died from choking on my dick

>>676287586
yeah lets jerk each other off its more efficient this way to remind each other that we still have souls

>>676288623
Did you ever get my new hardware?

Johnry

>>676288615
TOD, HOW COULD YOU? YOU HAVE THREE FUCKING KIDS MAN
>>676288191

RECO

>>676288654
No, they were contracted from ChangChong LLC.

>>676288654
I'll talk to Stalin, he can probably get us some new ones from a gulag

Ivan

>>676288634
YOU'RE NOT GONNA SAY SHIT IF YOU LIKE YOUR TONER

- Tod from IT

The copier's broken again. Won't send faxes, only prints two-sided...where the hell is Rakesh?

>>676288521
If the company can legally obtain them, yes. If not, stay away from Bangkok, maybe try Kyoto? Maybe Laos. Yeah Laos. You gotta catch em yourself tho, some pokeballs are in the storage closet

Dave, CEO

>>676288956
FUCK YOU TOD
-Frank from IT

>>676288680
SO IT WAS YOU


- Tod from IT

>>676288956

I phoned my sister back and told her not to tell Jeff what I told her. No promises dude.

>>676287258
The woman who wears tight skirts showing off her panty lines?

>>676286655
Juan, it's your manager. I'm going to need to see a green card before I can give you that raise you've been wanting. At least I think that's what you're asking for, I don't speak Spanish.

I quit. I also got a 1 year severance package. Fuck you all.

Johnry Balbert, former sub-basement dweller.

I walk up to the boss and say "Today's so called "church" with FEW exceptions is a watered down satan led cesspool. Of course the world leader is obamaland, formerly America and formerly a shining beacon, now a dark, festering sewer hole! Pray this prayer sincerely to know your saved:'Jesus, I believe you came to earth, I believe you died on the Cross for my sins. I believe you rose again on the 3rd day and went back to Heaven to prepare a place for Your Children To live with You Forever . Please forgive me of my sins. Clean my heart, white as snow. Come live in my heart, make me a child of the King, a new creature in Christ, in your precious Name I ask this...amen.'
Do these things after praying the Salvation Prayer:
1) Get a King James Version Bible and read it daily, it will feed your spirit and soul, the way you feed your body with food and water. 　
2) Pray to Jesus Everyday. He is your NEW Best Friend and He Wants to Talk with you daily. 　
3) Make sure you find a christian church and get water Baptized, dunked under water, if you have been sprinkle baptized in the past it does NOT count. 　
4) Pray to be filled with the Holy Spirit, "Sanctified". You do this by praying, reading the Bible and living for Jesus. 　
5) take your King James Bible to church. When the preacher speaks, make sure what he says matches your Bible, it not, get up and walk out and find a new church. 　
6) ***VERY IMPORTANT*** Make SURE you REPENT of EVERY SIN you do now, ask Jesus to forgive you with an honest heart and He will.
***If you would like me to pray with you or for you for ANYTHING, please message me and I will add you to my daily prayer list. May God bless you."

Jimmy Johns is here. Who the fuck ordered food without asking me if I wanted anything!?

File: image.jpg (41 KB, 443x332) Image search: [Google]

41 KB, 443x332

Hey guys, do you want some snacks from the coffee shop?

>>676286655
Juan shitters clogged, I swear i think it's heather from HR bitch has it out for me, every time i go in she is there

>>676289130
Do you want top or bottom


- Tod from IT

Intercom buzzes-

BTW EVERYONE ... PIZZIA DAY IS CANCELLED

>>676287206
Guys just because of that one time I forgot to turn on the coffee machine isn't reason for you all to be so mean to me.
-Steve

>>676289253
I took one semester of Spanish in college. He also wants Mexican Mothers Day off.

>>676288799
No. I forgot what you wanted
Nice dubs tho

-Mason Buckleberry, Lawfirm

>>676287258
Karen is a fucking tease

Hey, I'm Jeff the new guy! I like ice cream soda pop and talking about my feelings. Anyone want to show me around the office?

>>676289259
Nope, I own your soul, as well as all your assets. Get back to work faggot

Dave, CEO

>>676289297
Vodka?

Ivan

>>676288996
Sir, just to check with you, are you sure you want to go all in with the bathroom surveillance project? I mean I have the equipment, and those Mexican guys you hired to help me are great. Just don't wanna get caught up in any red tape.

Jerry, Maintenance

>>676289431
Fuck you too then


- Tod from IT

>>676287463
... Don't tell Steve not to come.

>>676289539
Shit.

Johnry, kill me

>>676289136
THE FUCK YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT FAGGOT *throws stapler*

>>676289539
I hear Juan is here illegally and i would like to make an informal complaint. He smells of mexican and he needs to go.

-Anonymous

>>676289525
Yeah, over there is the exit

>>676289297
GET ME A CUP FULL OF FEELS, SEARGENT. YOU ARE PROMOTED TO GENERAL OF BIG IMPORTANT COMPANY'S NAVY

Dave, CEO

Hello me is ahmed me come from syria and did not have job but now me works here as cleaner ok? It is Good to meet you all

>>676287597
Da'quan you need to calm down. I got what you're looking for.

File: Smileyfave.jpg (20 KB, 220x250) Image search: [Google]

20 KB, 220x250

Hi guys, I'm the new manager hired from outside the company to replace the relaxed, well-liked previous manager.

Now, I'm gonna try to assert my authority and shake things up to show the boss I'm a go-getter getting him money.

We will no longer offer free coffee, but will install a paid machine in the coffee room.

You will now be required to sign out while on breaks, toilet visits and personal phone calls and then sign back in afterward.
Which can only be done from by the fingerprint scanner by the front office.
If you're caught using our time without having done this, you wont be paid for the last hour, as we have no way of telling how long you haven't been working.

Also, once a week you'll all have to come in an hour early unpaid for my motivational meetings where we will discuss ways to optimise synergy.

Have a good one.

File: fa342c004af8bced147571a2fb3de055_71834_fp.jpg (114 KB, 710x708) Image search: [Google]

114 KB, 710x708

>>676285444
Almost lunch time.

Hey, can someone get the bird out of the oven in the break room?

File: 029KKue.jpg (123 KB, 1200x711) Image search: [Google]

123 KB, 1200x711

i'm sleeping under my desk in my cubicle in the basement

you guys think i'm roleplaying that's what actually happens in my life

Hey! Anyone seen Ami?? She hasn't been at her desk for an hour and I'm worried cause she has a learning disability.

-Floor Manager
Thomas Smith

>>676287258
*signs* Tod, meant to say this earlier, but sorry for the aids. Hope you didnt fuck anyone else

- Tod from IT

>>676287735
Hahaha fucking Tod. What an asshole.

I'm greping your emails, rewriting bits here and there, and resending them.

Also siphoning funds to an offshore account but none of you will be able to prove it. Gonna retire as a king in South America when I have enough.

-Simon the sysadmin

>>676289608
The bathroom surveillance project is a go, just make sure the cameras are very big and have a nice big red dot on them when recording
>>676289751
You may use the gassing chamber but ONLY if you remove the jew corpses, and clean up Juan and his mexicanness.

Dave, CEO

>>676289816
fuck that noise, I'm just the Mexican gardener

ALRIGHT WHO THE FUCK SLASHED MY TIRES, WAS IT JOSE OR RAKESH?

>>676287735
>>676290009
MY FUCKING BMW?

- Tod from IT

I lost one of my asians, i need to file for a replacement.

Johnry

Who the hell is using the copy Machine??

>>676287795
Mr.Dave,
I would like to formally request a raise in my daily salaries. I am currently making less than Juan the janitor, and he doesn't even speak English. I am a vital member of Big Important Company, and as in sure you know, my web design is what got us into the running in the first place.
Sincerely,
Charles

>>676289816
Already hacked you'd stupid scanner and increased my own salary and reduced yours dumb faggot.

-Simon the sysadmin

File: 1458502242719.jpg (89 KB, 600x717) Image search: [Google]

89 KB, 600x717

Hi everyone, I'm new here my name is dubscheckem and I would like to say one thing. Although this is work, I encourage all of you to come talk to me about anything, this is a professional setting but that doesn't mean we can't grab a beer after. Also one last thing, ALAHU ACKBAR!!!!!

>>676289942
Ami has been stuck in a closet because a mop "triggered" her "PTSD." Just leave her there, Paul Asshole should be by any minute with the new janitor.

Dave, CEO

>>676290253
IDK who you are buddy, but you're not tod

- Tod from IT

File: swat4.jpg (1 MB, 2133x1200) Image search: [Google]

1 MB, 2133x1200

ALRIGHT EVERYONE, STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND STEP AWAY FROM YOUR COMPUTERS, GET ON YOUR KNEES, HANDS BEHIND HEAD, FINGERS INTERLOCKED!!!! NOW!!!!!!

File: photocopied-butt1.jpg (7 KB, 400x282) Image search: [Google]

7 KB, 400x282

>>676290431
fucking jose

>>676290253
Sorry sir me wanted clean but knife not good for cleaning
Ahmed

>>676290387
I'm ordering some, it will be awhile for a replacement. Was he an accounting Asian or engineering Asian?

Ivan from the armory

>>676290236
Ah yes, Pablo, isn't it?

Listen, Im going to have to get you to park your van outside the company car park, sorry to say, its just bringing this company's image down.

Comprende? gracias frendo.

>>676290566
Hey, thats a nicely made bomb ya got there

Johnry

Hey, Sam from Human Resources.

You all are going to have to take a test which I made which will judge your work output in the company. I myself will proctor the test.

Have a nice day and don't worry about it. Sure, the scores are sent to the higher ups but it'll be no problem.

Oh, and has anyone seen Pam?

>>676290566
checked and keked a little

Who put my stapler in the jelly again?

Hi

>>676290609
Fuck it, my wife is gonna divorce me after the gay porn anyways

*runs at you with scissors*


Tod from IT

>>676290659
Accounting. Thanks Ivan.

Johnry

>>676290459
Charles, as Juan is currently being baked in our Easy Bake Jew Oven, you have been promoted to dubs checker. You have a raise of $4433.00 per week

Dave, CEO

>>676287739
Do you have a minute? When you updated Adobe it made my internet stop working can you fix it. I need the internet or I can't work.

>>676289490
El día de las madres is a made up holiday. Fire him and let his 24 kids starve...
On second thoight, get his children to work in the basement.

>>676289253
i can give you some quesadillas and tacos instead? My retard son Pedro Alvaro del Santo Sousa de Gracia ate all my papers

>>676290609
No pls no i have wife and kid pls no take me life me just cleaner

Ahmed

Fuck this, lunch hour

>>676291044
Not my basement. Also, checked.

File: 1287431212618.jpg (103 KB, 311x311) Image search: [Google]

103 KB, 311x311

>>676290566
Good fucking lord

Jeff here
I am feeling so important in my first day at the big company. Several of my Co workers showed me how to the copy machine. Making copies through my lunch break was so much fun.

>>676290544
Ah Simon,
My friend who works for Apple says he can get us a great deal on ex-lease Macintosh computers,

So I'm going to need you to go ahead and clear all that linux tech stuff out of the server room by thursday, we've got to Think Different, starting with our IT department.

Thanks, Buddy.

>>676289279
Who the fuck let the missionaries in here? Somebody get the basement wranglers in here.

>>676291197
Would you rather use asians you racist cuntweasel?

Dave, CEO

>>676290989
*stops running with scissors*
Have you tried restarting your computer?

-Tod from IT

>>676285444
Cubicle 69 floor 96 reporting in

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MR DAVE IT HAPPENED AGAIN, SOMEONE TAPED A DILDO TO MY CHAIR AND I SAT ON IT AGAIN. I WOULD LIKE TO REQUEST THAT YOU TAKE A BUMP OF COKE WITH ME AS YOU COME PRY MY IRON CLAD ASS OFF THIS DAMN THING.

With love,
Chad thundercock

For a mere $5000 lll get anyone you want fired by putting cp on their workstation and make it look like they downloaded it from behind seven proxies.

-Simon the sysadmin

>>676291344
Well said sir, and may I say those are some fine doubles.

>>676291344
They are nicer.

Johnry

Hey, Sam from Human Resources here again.

Why are you guys not responding to my emails? I'm pretty sure I said that there was a test today with some pretty explicit precautions about them?

And what is going on with all this ruckus? I should probably fire some people.

File: 1458969799587.gif (314 KB, 248x200) Image search: [Google]

314 KB, 248x200

Who put CP on the database?!

>>676289525
This door here leads to the baseme- I mean break lounge. Why don't you check it out?

>>676291269
Hi, Jeff. Would you like to be our official copy machine tester? You don't get a raise but you get to yell at people that you're out of ink.

Also, check'd them trips. You get a raise after all
>>676291495
Thank you, sir
>>676291574
Fine, replacing them with asians will take some time, though

Dave, CEO

>>676285444
This is Chris, how may I help you?

>>676291197
For the last time, there is nothing, NOTHING shady going on in the basement. Yes, we in the maintenance department have our shop down there and we have card games after work from time to time. What happened to Hector was an accident. Okay? An accident. He stuck his hand in the boiler. No one forced him to do it. No one knows why he did it. Again...an accident.

Jerry, Maintenance

>>676291759
WHY DONT YOU TAKE A SEAT OVER HERE?!

with love,
Chad Thundercock

>>676291735
lol tf nigger he aint got trips

Fuck this job.

>chucks monitor across the room and leaves.

>>676291476
Simon you accidentally put it in the database, not just the computer

>>676291273
All the upper management just got emails from the board telling them to fire you for such stupid ideas.

You can't win against me. Don't even try.

-Simon the sysadmin

FUCK THIS I'M TIRED OF WORKING HERE FUCK YOU ALL FUCK YOU TOD FROM IT FUCK YOU DAVE AND SPECIALLY FUCK YOU JHONRY I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I BEEN SPRAYIN BODYSPRAY IN YOUR LUNCH FOR THE PAST 2 MONTHS!!

ay ay hol up ahm a rez pec tuh ble nee groe mentlegen, we wuz kangs, yo whitey you got that spreadsheet out??

This is Sam again.

You are all a bunch of shitlords. Check Ahmed's privileged and let him do what he needs, you cis scum. He's a poor man who needs some help.

Also, where is the cake? I heard there was cake somewhere.

File: 21507641476_b6803df054_o.jpg (1 MB, 1537x2048) Image search: [Google]

1 MB, 1537x2048

>>676291735
Hey Dave, it's me, Emily, the COO. Anything you need done?

>>676287804
Daniel, please don't tell me that you're that autistic.
Run an antivirus scan on your work PC and get back to work queer.
-Josh

>>676290321
You mean the one you got on craigslist? Go back to your desk and play with you little figurines, ass wipe.
Charles, from web design

>>676291735
Thank you sir. And may I say, nice tie.