>>676197288
k and c are on the other sides of the keyboard, in a non english speaking country or just dumb?

>>676197288
The ability to teleport only 3ft in front of you.

non english speaking country
what did i write wrong?

>>676197992
with this you can gain an infinite amount of momentum if its like the movie jumper

The ability to start intelligent threads in b, but they will 404 in 5 seconds without anyone reading them.

>>676197288
Incredibly useful for checking sterile enviroments

>>676199143
> intelligent
> /b/

Pick one

>>676198056
bacteria

>>676199143
Hurr durr, the ability to run super fast but you have no legs.
Hurr durr, you are superman, but you are also dead.
>genious

>>676197288
the ability to take away small amounts of cobwebs in someones home

>>676197288
the ability to kick yourself in the balls

The power to cum 10cm ahead and 3cm to the left

>>676199512
Most can already do that with their heel, you fat fuck.

the ability to smell farts and only farts from a mile away.

>>676197288
You would be super rich... we spend a lot of money trying to detect bacteria in milk, you could just sit there and tell

>>676199327
He ate a bomb and saved countless lives, matter eating lad is a boss

>>676199336
OP asked for superpowers. New stupid thread seen 1000 times before, all fags participate as crazy, that's pretty normal.

My usless supper power is terrebal speling. Just liek op.

>>676199747
You could easily use that to track down terrorist nests or something in deserted hill regions.
People fart all day without even noticing.
It basically translates to the power of being able to sense the presence of anyone who's a mile away from you.

>>676199327
Seriously, never gonna go to jail, just eat the surrounding matter in a prison, go to the bank eat the matter of the security cage take the money.... better superpower ever

>>676197992
are you fucking retarded you faggot? you could get into any house just by standing next to a door and teleporting to the other side

>>676197617
>>676198056
>>676199354
It's ok if the bakteria is from mortal kombat

>>676197288
Turn invisible when nobody is looking
Run at the speed of light but die due the sheer air pressure
Flame on! but get burned

>>676199744
No they can't you dumb twiggy alien faggot

the power to make your hair and nails grow at twice the normal speed

>>676200363
>hurr durr i say a superpower and then immediately negate it
>so creative

>>676199206
but you will never be sterile... so you will never know if the surroundings are.

Being able to tell the age of a male cat

>>676200515
nigga thats the point of the whole thread. I dont see you posting something more creative

>>676197288
The ability to become black or jewish

>>676200083
Gotta have a good fortitute I guess, basicaly turns the person wielding the power into some kind of very odd bloodhound. Maybe train him/her to sniff out what's been digested and stuff as well.

>>676200694
Are you able to return to being white afterwards? If so, turn jew, make react channel, sue other react channels for stealing your format, make millions, switch back to white.

Profit

>>676200363
What about cameras?
Could you run into a building thus killing yourself but also destroying it?
Could you choose to only burn your finger tip? If so you could not only easily put it out, but you would never need a lighter.

the power of infinitely telescopic vision but you can't zoom out

>>676200658
No, YOU missed the point.
These threads are about posting superpowers that just end not not being really useful.
Not about saying 'so you have this superpower, but then you actually don't have it'.
If you can't even comprehend the difference, you're just a retard.

>>676200476
What if you don't like a certain hair cut?

>>676200845
Once you switch, you can only switch to the other

>>676200694
>walk into ghetto
>become black
>don't get shanked

>walk into germany
>become jew
>tell them how your grandparents were holocasted
>get money

>>676200643
You could impress cat owners.

>>676197288
The ability to freeze anything I touch when the temperature is already -200

>>676200759
Yeah, that's fucking rad that I think about it.
'So we know the killer ate burritos, get Sniffy on the case!'

>>676197288
The abailty to selectively turn on and off taste buds in your ass. (Your ass and your ass alone)
>inB4 scat fetish

>>676200968
could pull this off if you wouldnt mind living as a nigger. although there's a chance you'll be gunned down by police or fellow niggers

>>676201013
>black people dont kill each other
>Hitler is dead

>>676200893
What the fuck is "infinitely telescopic vision"?

>>676197288
Power to put any amount of dicks in ass
drawback you post threads on 4chan

>>676197288
Being good at posting at /b/

>>676201067
What does it mean to freeze something that is already frozen?

>>676197288
The power to get dubs.

>>676201078
You can't inb4 your own post in this thread, you fucking idiot. If you're able to inb4 then you know that the superpower isn't useless.

The power to shit out undigested food

>>676201076
But this does mean that getting a cold for the person who has said powers would render em incapacitated. I'd imagine whomsoever they work under would spend a fortune to get them to recover asap.

Also, what about some cases where like say a few dozen rippers at one go, gotta train real hard to be able to isolate and tell which is which.

>>676197288
the power to travel through the multiverse but each jump to the next one brings you closer to the worst possible existence and you have no idea how many jumps away you are.

>>676201521
Just another person who doesn't get these threads.

The ability to morph into any animal but only while you are riding it

The ability to know the last time a persons dad pooped

>>676201205
You're not even funny. What are you trying to do with that post? It has no real logic, nor humour. What is its purpose? Are you stupid or is there a hidden purpose?

>>676201622
He is a hero!

The ability to become incredibly beautiful, but only in Polaroid pictures.

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>>676201622
HOLY SHIT YOU ALREADY HAVE IT

>>676201718
In the right hands and with the right training, this ability could end up being extremely useful.
I'd take it.

The power to finish Hitler's work but you will only live in the utopia you created for 1 year before dying.
Also your legacy is tarnished because they find a massive collection of illegal porn in your house after you die.

>>676201775
You're a retard. Don't talk to, or about me.

The ability to whiteknight

>>676197288

The ability to pee extra hard

The ability to get super rich once everybody on the earth is dead besides you of course

>>676201834
You could know if their dad is dead or not with this.

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>>676201834
Can tell if missing fathers are still alive.

Mine:
The ability to water down or add sugar to coffee

>>676202110
I was talking about the guy you commented on, you fucking sperglord.

>>676199398
ability to run but no legs kinda reminds me of the blonde in heroes...

The power to make any woman fall in love with you but they snap out of it completely the second they see or touch your penis.

>>676202068
What the fuck are you talking about, you fucking gook

>>676201711

i'd smuggle drugs with this. this is a really useful power if you had the option of not digesting cocaine and ODing

>>676202297
Make them wear a blindfold, wear a condom.
Have sex with any chick on the planet.

>>676202267
Most humans already have the ability to add sugar to coffee, or water it down.

The ability to swap your head with your dick

>>676202067
So you shall now be known as Flatulence Tracking Wonder.

>>676202297
That might actually work
>use it to like 5-20 bitches
>become cuck
>profit????

Super strength, but not super bone density

>>676202274
LOOOL ok

The power to travel through time and space in a box with a blond cockney girl.
Drawback everyone who is a fan of you is a cancerous fucktard.

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>>676197288

>day 63, they are still distracted by the arms

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The ability to unrape anyone

The ability to split the atom.
One atom.

>>676197288
The ability to change anyone's dick size, but only when they're fully clothed.

>>676202639
Does this make the rapist innocent?

>>676202522
That'd be pretty useful. You don't need a high bone density to workout your muscles, and so if you have the strength, you could probably bench a lot of fucking weight etc

>>676202660
Giving people random boners at the most awkward moments. I can already see a few devious uses for it.

super strength but you can only use while in an uncontrollable rage

>>676202547
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU YOU FUCKING GOOK

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>>676200175
He isnt compressed concrete eating lad

>>676202660
Are you fucking stupid? That would basically enable to to commit genocide on any group of people that wears clothes.
Just make their dicks impossible small and control the world through the sheer terror of having their lineage die out.

The ability to expand your nipples and shrink them when scared

>>676202998
>the hulk

You understand and can speak every language in the world, here's the twist:
You can only ever say or write down "insert pinecones in my ass repeatedly"

>>676202660
>>676202639
Leave this thread, idiots.

>>676202660
How is that shit? Just make someone who pissed you off's dick tiny

>>676200923
>'so you have this superpower, but then you actually don't have it'
Spontaneously setting self on fire without any aid (like gasoline and lighter) is a superpower.

Not being imune to fire doesn't mean you don't have the ability to set self on fire without any aid (like gasoline and lighter)

A case of "I say a superpower and then immediately negate it" would be something like...
>You can run at almost speed of light, but you can't because you're a fat fuck who can't get out of his electric wheelchair

On a unrelated note
>cntrl+f "ability to stop time"
>0 results

The power to shoot a boy and arrow really good but all of your coworkers have way better powers.

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>>676199336

The power to teleport to anywhere in the world but you only have a window to do so within 0.001 seconds after an atom bomb is hitting the ground near the area you are teleported to.
The ability has a cooldown of 10 minutes

>>676202919
FUCKING HELL WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID!? LEAVE THIS THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>676203338


>boy and arrow

>>676203252
lol, fuck off back to >>>/leddit/ bitch niggah

The power to shitpost

You are invisible but only when no cameras or people have their field of view pointed at you

>>676202545
retarded edgelord

>>676203338
Hawk eye?
Green arrow?

>>676197288
the ability to teleport and move through time and space
not relative to earth

>>676203338
LOL I can already shoot a boy and an arrow

>>676203698
So kind of like Simon from Misfits

the power of invisibility but only works in front of blind people and broken cameras

>>676203273
Your original suggestions are only marginally different from the negative example you just listed.

The ability to run at lightspeed but only in straight lines.
The ability to always be there the second after they need you.
The ability to block the 2nd bullet to your head.

the power to sing perfectly only 7 words but immediatly after you forget how to count to 7 or higher for 2 hours

You shit a half digested 1c coin for every fart you eat from another person

you can breath in water but you're paralyzed when in it

The Ability to be immune to every 10th bullet you get shot with

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>>676197992
>>676200282

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>>676203866
Nigga i already did that one

>>676197288
The power to take penny out of your ass every time you fart.

>>676200694
You'll commit crimes as a jew, turn into a black a guy and still get arrested.

The ability to leap over a trash can in a single bound

>>676202919
>>676203101
>>676203253
It would only stay changed when they're clothed. And it has to be within the range of 99% of the current population (1-12 inches for example)

>>676197288
pickle hider
http://www.streamboobs.com/sophia_jones/

>>676203807
trips science anon, go back in time to save Hitler. End up in vacuum of space cuz earth orbits sun

>>676203866
You would just need to have a blind person go whereever you wanted and go in front of his (non-functioning) cone of vision.
You could easily pull an ellaborate heist with that.
Nobody can see you and the blind guy is ruled out as a suspect.

the power to not be seen but only by people whose eyes don't work and by nonfunctional electronic video/photo recorders

>>676203866
thats a good superpower to detect if someone is following you or watching you while you fap

>>676204155
You could do it the other way around. They'll just arrest some random black teen.

>>676203952
Stinkin Lincoln s or gigantic king george coppers?

The ability to dance but it cant be to any music and noone can watch

>>676200396
I can.

>>676204510
The big ones

>>676204275
Oh, I guess that would be shit then

ability to be well informed and know truth but everyone disagrees with you

>>676204222
What if i build a 100 mile trash can that the other end is directly beside ISIStop security files

power to be an astrophysicist
but you have to be a black guy

Ability to sprout wings when jumping from tall distances only after you hit the ground

The ability to scratch your ass in public and no one will notice but you hands are stink from poo forever no matter how hard you wash them

The ability to vomit out of your asshole

the power to win any competition but you get found out for cheating 24 hours after the award.

>>676204705
but i dont care about the rest if i have the knowledge

>>676204275
You could still freak people the fuck out.
I guess people would immediately feel if the suddenly shrink to one inch.
When someone is getting all up in your face, just shrink their dick and watch them panic.

Power to smell any pictures of fecal matter you look at.

Can instantly shit a penny once every 33 years but can only do it on Wu-Dang mountain while 33 shaolin monks are meditating naked sitting on hot coals while Andy Sick blows you

>>676204890
>6 year old beauty pageant
>anon steroids are banned

>>676204890
Win, get price, go into hiding and change your identity.

The ability to spawn 1 dollar everytime you make a male cum in your mouth (a.k.a. the cheapest bj ever)

the power to do bait threads

>>676203805
see >>676203456

I know.

That's useless enough on its own.

The power to shitpost on /b/

the ability to never have to blink for your entire life

>>676204957
Very true. I guess it probably isn't all that useless. It would also fuck with someone's mind if their dick felt and looked huge in their pants but whenever they got naked it would look comparatively tiny.

>>676200323
Underrated post kek

>>676205151
I guess you could just admit to having that power and have scientists pay you millions to sutdy how and why 1 dollar bills are magically appearing in your mouth.
Kinda embarassing and humiliating, but hey, lots of cash.

>>676205342
you could win every staring competition ever and even bet on it

>>676205087
/thread

objectively most useless

>>676205043
You could determine if people didn't wipe by taking a picture of them and smelling your phone. It's something.

the power to rape yourself

The ability to resurrect and respawn back in time to the exact moment you were killed

The power to instantly ejaculate every time someone you don't know says the word "eggplant"

>>676205441
You would need to hurry before you go blind after a few weeks.

>>676203807
>Learn where the Earth will be exactly in the past/future before teleporting
>Get it wrong one time and die

>>676205479
nope, if the photo doesn't have shit visualized in it, you wouldn't be able to smell it

The ability to reverse the holocaust

Remembering pi.

>>676205656
>the exact moment
I guess that really would suck.

the power to rape anyone and get away with it

>>676205656
kek

the power to redo the holocaust

>>676205762
How is that bad in any way?

>>676205656
infinite retries until you become a master martial artist and be pretty much deemed unkillable.

>>676205441
fuck i'm too useful

>>676205900
found the nigger

>>676205912
the point is that you die the instant you respawn

>>676205685
use eye drops

>>676197288
>Useless superpower
France.

>>676205900
That's why reversing the holocaust is useless

you're able to see into the future once but you have to recollection of what you saw

>>676206022
medical science could formulate super gel eye drops or some shit

the ability to see 0.000001 sec into the future, but only once per day

>>676205912
but it's to the exact moment of death?

The ability to fall asleep on demand but there's 80% chance you fall into a coma

Can speak any language
it's unintelligible

The power of love.

The ability to see from the bottom of your foot, only when you have white socks on

>>676197288
the power to grow your nipples exactly 1cm, this can only be done once, and they wont return to normal size

The ability to see into the future but you can't remember any of it

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The power to travel forward in time in the speed of time

The power to occasionally see into the future, but you always end up seeing spoilers for a movie you're about to watch.

>>676199795
There's all sorts of bacteria, so you couldn't tell which one it is...

Ability to die come back eternally immortal but only after the universe ends.

>>676204364
pick up science anon, borrow his homemade spacesuit ask him to calculate the position of earth in space 01:00pm 30 April 1945 go back in time and end up in bunker with hitler bro realize you don't know how to get back
an hero with hitler

The ability to tell I'd a girl has fucked nigger dick if anything it will keep you aids free

the ability to turn your body inside out

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The ability to make America great again but hated by all Americans.

>>676203867
I'm a different guy, so my first suggestion is actually the ability to stop time.
I was just pointing out that the suggestions aren't exactly
>i say a superpower and then immediately negate it
Immediately negating the power in a way the power is for all intents and purposes non-existant would be something along the lines of
>you can levitate stuff, but it can't weight more than you could lift manualy
>the moment you try to levitate something it inexplicably gains some additional 1000kg
>so you actually can't levitate anything, because you can't lift up a metric ton

the power of being a private detective who is also a magical wizard.
The drawback is you are a smart ass who can't keep your mouth shut and gets beat to hell at least once during every case you work.

The ability to turn your fingers into dogshit for 3 seconds at a time and can be used only 1 a day

>>676201067
so you could freeze helium? that's pretty damn impressive

Can instantly be one a starving African from the children's charity commercials but once power is activated all food on earth becomes extinct

>>676206713
that's what tattoos are for

being able to fly under water

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keketheclown
The ability to fuck dead chickens

The power to seduce any feminist

>>676201782
I like this one
>>676202614
lost

>>676201622
topkek

>>676207662
you'll need the power of a pickup truck to haul her.

The ability to not rot when dead.

>>676203483
... leave

you can kill someone with the force of your cum

The ability to turn into the living fully functional body part of the animal you've eaten. example: Liver, Chicken leg

>>676203483
ISIS would die to have that super power

Can instantly become Donald Trump wearing a KKK robe and holding a sign that says " Fuck all cholo wetbacks spics" and once power is activated you instantly in Mexico while in the presence of the cartel

>>676203483
you can do better than that m90

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>>676201622

>>676207662
Fuck Emma Waston.
Fuck Anita Sarkeesian.
Fuck that stupid bitch on youtube.
Say what you want, I'm absolutely down with that.

the power to not get dubs

>>676208235
English is hard isn't it, fucking spic

>>676208548
holy fuck!

>>676208514
what if they aren't real feminists?

>>676204135
bruh I'd be rich

>>676208235
god damn taco-niggers

The power to go back in time to any time period but only for the sole reason of killing your one of your ancestors. Ending your existence

>>676208548
the power to not get trips

>>676208514
>Fuck that stupid bitch on youtube.
Laci Green. That bitch induces hate fuck fantasies, and good ones.

>>676208882
I love that you immediately knew who I was talking about.

the power to kill anyone by writing their name in a notebook while thinking of them.

>>676208668
If the power doesn't work on self-proclaimed feminists, you would have to specifiy on who it would work exactly.

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>>676201622
Again

>>676208601
Your Granny gets me hard...thank God your mother's there to make me soft so it all works out

The ability to freeze yourself in time; but if you ever use it you cannot unuse it because you are frozen.

>>676197288
The power to put in a USB drive into a port correctly the first time every time, but only if the USB drive is broken.

>>676209091
a power that only affects X
Y claims to be X
power doesn't affect Y because it is not an X

>>676202485
>>676201718

Read comic Chew. Same concept except whatever the guy eats he knows everything that happened to his food. People use that shit to fuck with him hard

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>>676209156

>>676203870
>run at the speed of light
>create infinite energy
>the universe explodes
>???
>profit


also getting somewhere just one second after they need you is an excelent response time

Can instantly turn into a used tampon inside of Kris Jenner

The power to make anyone you rape orgasm multiple times

>>676209393
Then who is an objective authority on who's a feminist and who isn't?
In any case, I bet you would be able to find at least one genuinely attractive feminist.
So just fuck that one.

Power to not get quads

>>676209635
kris jenner gathers used tampons to insert

The Ability to reconstruct your body from obliteration but you cant reassemble it the way it was originally. jigsaw-man

power to not get GETS

The ability to fly only inside an airplane. Exiting the airplane while flying would deactivate my powers and cause me to fall back to earth

>>676201739
damn

>>676208987
Probably due to patriarchy.

>>676201622
damn

the power of autism

>>676201739
That's basically Russian roulette buth with an extreme upside.
Just kill yourself once you've arrived at the worst point.

>>676201739
just like ''The butterfly effect'' movie? or like ''Bee'' movie?

A lot of fags already have the power to cry like little bitches while I ass fuck their granny