Was it worth it? I'm about a year into sobriety, most of the time i don't even think about it but some days I just want to snort another line so fucking bad it's all I can think about

>>675602835
What are you drinking?

whatcha drinking?

>>675603363
Life is way too boring for me,popping some pills and drinking makes it go away,so yes,it's worth it,but not in the long run
>>675603424
>>675603432
Red wine,just one liter,my tolerance has dropped

>>675603534
I was on so many pills I couldn't get a high to last longer than 20 minutes. Felt like shit all the time.....but the parties man, I don't have a single good story of a time I was sober. I just had a kid so it's a little harder to fuck off with responsibilities, but sometimes I just want to leave to get some smokes and never come back

>>675603812
I know how you feel,but it just won't go away,i've been in a psychiatric clinic for a month and nothing has changed,what pills would you pop?

>>675603974
Mostly percs, but pretty much anything, vics morphine Xanax colonopine (sp?) I lost 2 weeks of memories cause of that one

>>675604129
Shit benzos are hell,ever tried deliriants like benadryl or something,most people dislike em,but i'm quite into them

>>675603534
How long do you have to quit before your tolerance drops, I'm making my way through 3/4 of a bottle of spirits a night and occasionally give up without much of a buzz.

>>675604242
I used to take about 10 benodryls at a time. I was always super into muscle relaxers.
One time I was going out bar hopping and didn't have money for drinks so I crushed up my last 10 xany bars and just scar faced the mound of powder....I don't remember much but I think I raped a bitch that night

>>675604362
Well it's different for everyone,but within two weeks i'm down and i can get drunk off of about 5-7 shots

You should deff take a break for a week or two,it'll go down

>>675604519
Never take dels in public,it's horrible,when im on dph i can barely look out my window cause i get terrified,i'm on 100mg right now btw,just to make the alcohol more potent

>>675602835
How long were you sober? Did you do meetings?

>>675604789
It's a convo with one psychologist,but it was in a group back when i was hospitalized

I was sober for two months,but everything i felt during those months i bottled up,so now i'm drinking to get it out

My current meetings with my psych i don't mention drugs,only aclohol,but i do meth sometimes as well as codeine

I'm a deadbeat and i'm so fucked,but i feel like it comes from my thoughts like i just found out how horrible life actually is,all of my expiriences aren't real and i don't feel like they should be that,but when high or drunk they become real

I was on antidepressants,but they cut em off because it's not a chemical disbalance it's just my though process

I hate myself everytime i do drugs,but only after or during comedown

>>675602835
Wanna party

>>675603812
Nigger detected

>>675605192
I generally dislike parties when sober,but surely now i want to

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>>675602835
How you feelin bro?

I hope you are feeling okay...

>>675605050
Jesus christ man, find a damn hobby you enjoy like fishing or hiking. Life is too wonderful to spend all your time being an edgelord because you can't stop taking drugs and drinking. Theyre the reason you don't feel happiness, theyve completely rewired your brain and your dopamine receptors, and its why you cant feel happy without them. Suck it up, quit the shit, and let your brain heal itself so you can find some semblance of normalcy.

>>675602835
why did you relapse faggot?

>>675602835

this is how bored people get from not getting laid.

>>675605496
Thanks for your empathy anon,i'm not used to this on /b/ i feel okay,i hope you are as well
>>675605564
The main reason i started all this shit is cause i felt horrible,it's just a sympthom


I've hit rock bottom,but i can't kill myself,i care too much for my family and friends.

My mom used to tell me back then every time i drink and i say something it's what i really feel,i really feel sad,but i ignore it

I hide emotions and bottle em up cause im afraid of getting hurt,I never cry unless drunk,which i am now :(

I feel for you OP

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>>675602835
would you like to see some titties?

>>675606211
I just want to be happy anon

>>675605765
I'm on the same boat, dude. How old are you?

>>675606324
happiness comes from having purpose. Thats something youve gotta find yourself though

>>675606356
Far too young to have suicidal thoughts,i'm 19,
the so called best part of life

>>675606452
My purpouse is happiness,but the only thing that causes is to be real is drugs and alcohol,i'm scared anon

>>675605300
The chances of us bein near eachother is so minimal but who cares right im drunk and alone im 765

>>675606512
Why were you sad in first place?

>>675606720
Europe here,but it's okay anon,i feel you from here :(

>>675606743
I wish i knew,my life seems alright,i've got friends,have had gfs,family and everything is okay
It's just how i accept it

But i suppose i started bottling up emotions when my parents divorced at 11,i was so sad

>>675602835
have you ever butt chugged a fith of jack

>>675606864
Sorry to hear that, man. Smoking a joint for you.

>>675607168
Not really,i don't butt chug i hate taking anything through butt

But i've drank a lot of 40% liqour at once,i was in the hospital twice for alcohol and benzo overdose

>>675607216
Thank you bro i appriciate it

>>675607337
Klonopin or xanax?

>>675606467
It's not the best part of your life, don't let anyone tell you that. Virtually no-one feels secure in themselves and knows what they want to do with themselves at your age. One thing I can guarantee you is: you are setting the tone for your adulthood right now, and you need to start doing things that you enjoy. Nature is fucking awesome.. hike, swim, fish, whatever you like, but exercise is a natural antidepressant (it sounds fucking cliche, but its true), and doing it in nature is doubly good.

>>675604626
Cocaine was always my first love. Hardest habit to kick and it's why I started pills, I missed snorting things.

>>675607577
Never actually had clonazepam
But i've had xanax,ativan and bromazepam mixed

>>675607740
I've never tried coke,it's too expensive here,only amphetamines

>>675607709
I have hiked and fished and swam but i don't feel it,i'm afraid anon

The human conciousness can take you much farther in feeling than any other drug.

>>675607889
I was paying about 160 a ball, but mostly I would charge yuppies 200 for one and cut half of it with baby lax and snort the rest then use their money to buy mine

>>675602835

Honestly. Why do you keep this up? You're a burden on all of their lives and while they might be sad a bit they are better off without you. Stop being the dead weight holding people you claim to love from their happiness.

>>675602835
Tomorrow it ends and everyone moves toward something better.

>>675608219
>>675608299
It doesn't end,i'm afraid,i feel like i've uncovered how reality really is and there's no going back

This is it


Finishing my last glass of wine,then poping 6 pills of dph

>>675608434
Wine and allergy pills. Such a brave faggot.

I've fallen off the wagon too many times to list. I am an older man. I used to do a lot of drugs and drank a lot in the disco era. I did blow. I did acid and nearly ruined my brain until my first gal was pregnant with our child.

I sobered up off everything cold turkey back then. I had seen certain good friends die and I couldn't risk that. What would I have said to my infant kid? "Now it's time for daddy to throw up on you for a change".

For 20 years I was sober. And I did a lot. I married someone else, had more kids. Worked, worked, worked. And then one lonely day in the last decade I fell off the wagon. I was working in Alaska and away from my family. So I started drinking. Going home did not help. I hid it for a long time. Vodka etc. but the alcohol smell did come when I sweated.

I was caught. I did some fucked up shit. My wife divorced me and took all my money with her, after all those years. I put myself through rehabilitation and I did come clean again, but I needed folks around me. Fell in love and married yet again a lady I thought loved me, but turned out to be a shallow bitch.

When I was diagnosed with a neurological condition in early 2014, I was fed meds that made me feel drunk and stoned. I thought what the fuck? I was very close to losing my sobriety yet again. The missus wanted to throw me into a facility. So I disappeared.

Most everybody thinks I am dead. But I am not. I now reside in the most isolated city on the planet. No meds. No crap. Yes in my travels I did slip a few times but now I can finally have a glass of wine and leave it at one glass.

Sorry for the long post, but basically what I am trying to say is that there is hope out there. Even if you do have to fake your own death and get away.

R.

>>675605765

It will never go away.

>>675608798
Tldr. Kill yourself on cam faggot.

>>675608798
thank you, R

>>675608673
I'm expirienced with both anon

I'm not scared of death,i'm scared of a shitty life

>>675608798
I know how you feel to an extent, i know there's hope

>>675608911
I know anon

>>675608990
I couln't i care too much for the poeple that love me

>>675608990

Oh, but according to the likes of you, I already did.

The likes of you sent around a pic of a guy that had hanged himself and said it was me taken via hotel security cams despite the fact I was at my house when it all went down.

The like of you sent that picture in droves to my daughter on Twitter.

There, lots of clues. Are you really still so clueless as to who I am?

R.

30 days or so, just relapsed... sometimes i think im just a drunk... not an alcoholic since I go to parties not meetings...

>>675609479
Your daughter needed to know the truth

>>675609579
I mean i'm not either physically addicted

But may be psychologically

>>675609706

ya me too. lets hang out in a pub :D

>>675609778
If pub is skype i'd be glad

I have many regrets where alcohol was at the root of my actions, including domestic violence. When my partner left me, I fell deeper into alcoholism. I could sink a 2lt bottle of JD in one sitting, no problem. At parties, alcohol turned me into a complete clown, so often I would belittle my ex in front of her friends, or flirt with other girls, or just say embarrassing stupid shit. 7 years she put up with it, I'll never know love like that again. She adored me, I could see it in her eyes during our intimate moments.

Eventually when people invited her to parties, they would ask that she didn't bring me. I used to read her txts.

It's been five years since she left me, I gave up booze during that time but found I still needed a crutch, so I turned to pot and smoked up everyday. 6 months I had a breakdown, ended up in a facility. I'm out now and recovering, but I'm on a lot of valium and seroqual as I continue treatment. One day I'm going to be completely clean, see what it's like to walk without a crutch. The wagon sucks, but being on it is better than being dragged behind it by the feet.

>>675609847

glad you found a way out.. its still dragging me along... not sure what else I can do.

>>675610023
Me as well,especially since i don't get into romantic relationships

My glass of wine is almost finished,off to pop some

What do withdrawals from alcohol feel like?

>>675610140

ya i just got out of a psych ward, self harm and alcohol was involved... im not normal so i have a bit more to deal with than the average person. trying to figure my life out to no avail

>>675610223
Pretty horrible,shaking hands,depressed,fast hearbeat

But if i compare it to benzos it's barely bad


Benzos are the worst,don't get addicted to that shit


>>675610306
Do you struggle with like trying to get your life all ont he paper figured out so youc an move on,that's me

>>675610360

ya im not even sure what im doing at the moment. i just bought a mickey of rum... downing it wotj coke...

>>675610360

i have a bunch of ativans, the guy in the rehab place warned me about them

>>675610223

i have the shakes, plus an unreality feeling... hard time sleeping, feels like you cant breathe... generally unpleasant

Are opiates fun?

>>675610559
Please don't take them a lot,if you get addicted you'll regret it

>>675610497
Cheers

>>675610559
>ativans

Not even once. That shit is hard.

>>675610674
Only had codeine that is morphine

It only makes me feel nausea it's still euphoric tho


But big chance of addiction,avoid

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Stop being a faggot we all know how this ends

>>675610742
>>675610693
>>675610674


to be honest they dont do much for me... cept when my mom is on my case... then ill take 2

>>675610742
Yeah try above 3,5 mg and tell me about it

>>675608798
dude... what city... i want in

>>675610883
I have had enough with my addiction to xanax and lyrica, tbh

>>675610674
Coming from a recovering opiate addict. DO NOT FUCK WITH OPIATES.

>>675611059
second

Is there anything I can do to cheer you up OP?

>>675611238
>ere anything I can do to chee
Not really,i gotta cheer myself up

But thank you a lot

I'm gonna fap,on dph orgasm is awesome

>>675611238
>>675611228
>>675611177

OP, we need to hang out... want to pick ur brains

>>675611329
What do you like to fap to?

>>675611349
Sure,we can hang out

>>675611378
When high i don't ebren care

Your Journey is not over!
You will be addicted your hole life, when you dont find the answer.

Don't leave yet, we love talking to you.

>>675611449
t. someone who has not lived their whole life

>>675611438
Sweet lets hang out.

>>675611449
There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Did heroin for 4 years and pills for many years before that. I'm generally happy now. Still a pessimist, but I'm not depressed.

>>675611438

dude. i went to mexico last year... was in a brothel, and they took me for $2500 cause i was smashed... course i fucked some prime pussy... thats a plus hahahah

>>675611565
Dang, good job dude. I've seen people get on that crap ruin their lives.

>>675602835
you know AA doesn't work op. Alcohol dependence is a symptom of some other underlying mental condition.

>>675611771
exactly, and taking drugs is a way to deal with those underlyring mental problems.

>>675605564
True to that. I got drunk last week st. Patricks day and got a DUI. It's been a week and I'm about to drink again as it's my day off work. The past week I played video games all night every night, keeps my mind occupied when I'm lonely. Or I watch a bunch of anime.

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>>675606134

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>>675606864
>my parents divorced at 11

I know that feel, /b/ro

>>675602835
What is a "relapse"?

>sounds like something you made up

>work 70-80 hrs a week at a job that is either 100% stress or 100% calm, no in-between
>drink heavily every day I have 24 hrs or more off work (rare)
At least the money is good.