Any Lurkers have something they feel like they need to talk about?

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OP here, posting my personal story (If planet anon is lurking tonight, thanks, you've helped me out a bit)

>>675399652
Yeah. I found someone who didn't use me or treat me like shit, she was good to me and showed me compassion I have never seen. I felt truly appreciated. I was only a rebound. I don't know what's real anymore.

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Make a wish all you sad bastards.

>>675400806
That fucking sucks Anon, giving your heart to someone just for them to toss it to ground just so they can feel better. I hope for nothing but the best for you Anon

>>675400806
Rebounds are shit especially if the other person doesn't let on that that's all you are. I'm sorry I have no words of comfort. Just feel the pain so you can learn to live with it because it'll be there for a long time.

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>>675401065
>Mfw

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>>675401918

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>be me
>entering college
>go to first math class
>meet 8/10 girl
>talk daily
>Lots of flirting
>she informes me that she had cancer 3 times in 18 years of life
>also tells me she has a condition and she keeps producing cancer
>but she hasent had cancer since she was 12, so they think the condition is going away slowly
>she reveals multiple scars to me
>1 on scalp
> under both breasts
> stomach
>I don't know how to take this information
>live life normally
>I wanted to go steady with her but the fact she might get cancer again scared me
>she wanted to be together at this point
>decide I can't do it
>slowly end relationship
>don't talk to her for 7 months
>she gets brain cancer
>died 2010 March 7th
>I feel like I caused the outbreak

Yesterday i made a lucid dream which made me cry after i woke up, because in that dream i was genuinely happy. I cried because i realized that in all this years i pretended to be happy.

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>>675399652
I can't find the motivation to do anything anymore. I used to love running and working out. Video games are even getting boring to play. I feel like I'm slowly becoming numb to anything that has ever given me joy in life and I don't know what to do.

>>675402946
When you actually find happiness it makes you realize that you weren't happy before. Then when it's taken away from you it's like you died without your bodily functions ceasing. I'm sorry anon. That shit is hell.

>>675403298
I feel like this too anon. Boxing, guitar, writing, I barely do any of it anymore.

>>675402946
I had a similar realization but mine came after someone laughed when i told them something personal. Shit sucked, it all drops on you at once.

>>675400936
I meant to wish I was happy but I accidentally said dead; oops.

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WWII feels
1/7

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>>675403568
2/7

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This is a habit of mine now, I suppose. I'm posting this image in every feels thread I see, so that hopefully I can help others. I'm here to listen to the tales of woe from all of you. After all, if I can still feel myself die a little inside, I know something's still there.

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>>675403620
3/7

>>675402345
I wouldn't use a .22 for a 6.5 creedmoor's job.

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>>675403691
4/7

>>675403751
Doesn't matter; It worked.

>>675403298
I'm in the same boat but i went back out there and just started walking, its one of the only things that helps get my mind away from the constant darkness.

>>675403564
Am I the only one who finds myself muttering songs that I like under my breath but replacing a lot of the lyrics with words like "I wish I was dead" or something similar? It's a habit I've slipped into.

>>675402264
nothing you did caused that.

>>675403781
Hurry the fuck up.

>>675403674
>acting like a fucking 4chan post will make me decide to not kill myself after the shit i've dealt with

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>>675403781
5/7

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>>675403927
6/7

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>>675403993
7/7

>>675401525
>>675401758
Thanks anons I luv u

>>675403883
I've done that before, but a lot of what I listen to is very mildly saddening with lyrics that don't apply to me anymore, but in my own delusion that I've created they all apply to me, and i'm waiting on some opportunity to die justified like maybe pushing a kid out of the way from a truck, or taking a bullet for someone. I used to freestyle, but it can only be about suicide now. otherwise the flow dies.

>>675404060
About fucking time

>>675403920
Not saying that at all. But if you want to talk, I'm here, as are a number of others. If you're in that state of mind, I won't try to talk you out of it, because I can't. But I will implore you to talk about it, if you can.

>>675398879
I just want to die to be honest. I feel like every time I struggle to the surface I just end up drowning again. What's the point? I try and try and try and nothing changes Nothing ever fucking changes. I end up coming back to this same apathy driven depression.
I want love, I want joy, I want a kid, I want a good job but I don't know how the fuck to get it. I work 6 days a week, get home when everyone asleep, struggle to go to class and simply start the same shit over again. I'm going nowhere, I have no friends no prospects nothing.
I mean really the only thing keeping me alive at this point is I dont want my family to blame themselves. I just fucking don't know anymore. Im so god damn tired.

Everyday activities start to seem pointless, also realizing how fucking small i am compared to the universe made me feel sad. The loneliness, everything gets to me, and it's getting worse... What can i do /b/ro's?

>>675404137
God dammit anon.

>>675403920
the post won't, but talking to another someone who gives a fuck about you will. always here for you anon

>>675404424
Take a break from school and find something that you have always wanted to get good at and get good it. Nothing feels better than mastering something no matter how small the task.

>>675404226
I actually wish all the time to be able to die to save someone else. Barring that, some terminal but relatively painless disease.

>I used to freestyle, but it can only be about suicide now. otherwise the flow dies.
...Fuck.

>>675404060
tumblr at the end ruined it

Feels Music? Here's my favorite.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8UeeIAJ0a0
>And i don't want the world to see me, 'cause I don't think that they'd understand

>>675404424
I feel a hell of a lot like this. Once you try for so long and it repeatedly explode in your face you wonder why you shouldn't find a dead end job that pays just enough to keep a roof over your head and cheap liquor in your stomach.

>>675404433
do you have anything that interests you? a hobby that you can lose yourself in, even for a few minutes?

if the answer is no, look , and dont stop looking til you find one

>>675405256
this 1000x

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

This is something I've used a few times when I've been feeling like I'm really going to go through with it this time. Hopefully it'll help some anons on here, because as time goes by I feel like it's not really helping me anymore.

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>>675405256
Not that anon, but I feel the same way and it's fucking hard. Trying to find something that peaks your interest only to get bored of it a few days later.

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>>675405453
Fuck that goddamn picture. God fucking damn it.

>>675404932
I don't wanna just kill myself. I couldn't do it anyway, too much fear of what comes after death. If it's just some other life I don't know where to go from there. Up or down or even purgatory, existance after you already tried to quit exisisting is hell. Even when it's heaven. That being said, I jsut can't bvring myself to do it knowing that other people still care about me. maybe I'll jsut ghost out like this.
>>675402642
I'm already on my way there anyway. I've been ignoring anyone who cares about me in real life, and i'm slowly shrinking away from any sort of online interaction.

>>675405096
Maybe it's weird to you, but I just want someone to fight this shit with. I just want someone like me who gets me to be with. Maybe I feel lonely more than anything, but I just get the feeling nobody would really give a shit about me if I wasn't related to them.

>>675405748
It's not weird to me. My ex dealt with it too and we fought it together. Then we left. Nobody else has ever understood where I'm coming from with all those feelings and I've looked for a hell of a long time. Fighting alone is impossible and I'm getting too tired to keep it up.

>>675405535
>all that
No, lol.

>>675405453
I know the feeling.
>>675405256 is me, and i am the master of distracting myself with petty activies. In 2 years I have picked up drawing, music, sculpture, competitive vidya, EMS work, started working out again, and much more.

None of these things really solve my problems, or help m to figure things out, but they distract me. I get bored of them easily and move on to something else a few weeks later, usually down 50 bucks on my new 'hobby'.

Doesn't solve the problem but it keeps me afloat for a little.

idk what else to say

>>675405256
Well, yes i do.

>>675398879
WAKE ME UP INSIDE
CANT WAKE UP
WAKE ME UP INSIDE

i started playing magic the gathering last year because i felt so fucking sad, i got my friends into it as well, for the first few months it was fun, we played and just had amazing times, but then we stop playing and started to grow apart from each other, we no longer play together, i go to FNM and just sitting there listing to all the people having fun talking to there friends. when i sit there alone no one to talk to i feel happy, i feel a part of the community no matter that no one talks to me. i am only truly happy when i set there.

>>675405748
>I just get the feeling nobody would really give a shit about me if I wasn't related to them.
The sad thing is thats true for most people, If it doesn't affect them directly they could care less.

>>675398879
Just woke up after dreaming about the last girl
Feelsbad cause we're in no contact so she can distance herself emotionally, by going back with her ex
Really sucks big time, looked promising right till the end when she turned 180

The only time I ever feel excited about something anymore is when I know I have a bottle of liquor waiting for me that night. It honestly does make me a little happier knowing I can get fucking wasted alone in my dark ass room and forget about shit for a while. That thought depresses me.

>>675406389
Ya
It's funny how someone can mean so much to you, so much that you'd even die for them, and you could be meaningless to them isn't it?
I'm not talking about girl problems, just in general.

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>>675406050
The problem is I don't just want to distract myself from all my problems. I want to actually try to fix what's wrong with me.

>>675406088
did they used to distract you?

do they still?

>>675406390
No contact is fucking shit. Sometimes it really can help but it still hurts, I'm barely a month into no contact with my ex. It'll make you feel like you're going crazy sometimes, and you'll dream about her every night.

>>675406389
Not the anon you're replying to, but I know my family cares, I just don't want them to care. My struggles are mine, and mine only. If I told them half the shit I feel like I should, I would get v& and sent to a padded room faster than you can say "Crazy".

>>675406367
where do you live? I play a lot and feel similarly...

>be me
>meet girl online
>start talking to her
>she doesnt seem interested but i keep talking
>we talk a lot more and we both got interested with each other
>she gives a different place to message each other "kik" or "fb"
>we become closer
>after a few months we both say i love you to each other
>be me year later
>planning on meeting her in 4 years
>be me
>scared about me dying or her being gone
>worry and worry everyday that my loml will not die
>still talk to her like normal
>still hope nothing bad happens to either of us
:')

>>675406877
>If I told them half the shit I feel like I should, I would get v& and sent to a padded room faster than you can say "Crazy".

My family thinks I'm nothing more than "mildly depressed". I put up a front every time I'm around any of them because they'd just make me feel like shit for it and pull the "Just stop being depressed!" card.

>>675406890
Brisbane, Australia

I don't know if this a good thing to say, but since I turned 20yo last year, I've been having this... these kind of feelings and thoughts about killing myself the day I turn 21yo...

Also, some feels music... (never played the game tho)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hx102NjYwqk

>>675406844
It sure is, i get it sure, but we're separated by 150 miles so why the hell shouldn't we atleast keep texting?
Yes i fell for her and she fell for me, we went on for nearly 6 months, but it's a real shame to just have nothing to do with that person because of feelings, feels weird saying it but that's how i feel.
All of my friends recommended me to just forget her, but there's nothing gonna come from it with still being in contact with her.

>>675406910
Be fucking careful with something online, please. Especially if you do end up meeting her. After you meet for the first time it becomes something ridiculously special, at least that's how it happened for me, and it wrecks you if it fucks up. I hope it works out anon I really do.

>>675406731
If you want to fix your problems you have to face your problems head on its an extremely hard thing to do, because you have to admit to yourself what you hate about you and then find the motivation to change that thing about you.

>>675406810
The moment i create something i feel acomplished, but that goes away quickly. Also during creation i mostly feel like shit, because i struggle with basic problems during it. Also listening to music makes me a little bit distracted and if i focus on music only i could say it maybe even makes me a little happy.

>>675407322
Not that anon, met a girl through 4chan anon and i can relate. We clicked from day and coincidentally fell in love.
Shame it didn't last, she wasn't as crazy as you'd imagine a girl who browses /fit/ and /gif/ would be

>>675407293
At first absolutely no contact, as painful as it is, is best for both of you, even if you're long distance. If the feelings were real then you'll both be hurting, and if she responds with anger or anything other than apathy, really, when you talk to her then it means she is hurting because she has feelings for you still. No contact helps the negative feelings subside.

Don't just try to forget her, it will not happen if you're putting effort into forgetting her because that's a paradox and in trying to forget her you're remembering her. Also, if you feel that there could still be a chance, hang on to it. Don't depend on it, but hang on to it.

>>675399652
I tried to give food to a homeless man once who was too tired to take it.

>>675399652
I have been lonely for countless years now. I feel like it's just not my place to be happy.

>>675407322
i hope she stays truthful to what she says. ik im being too fucking faithful but i think shes the one even tho i might be delusional

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>>675407326
I've tried, I've gone to therapy and that failed miserably. I used to have absolutely no self confidence, but having a girlfriend for a least a little bit changed the way I look at myself a little. But it's just getting harder knowing that there's no one that can go through it with me anymore.

>>675407495
Why dont you enjoy the proccess of creation? What activity are you actually doing?

>>675407968
lonely=/=unhappy. sometimes being alone is the best thing

>>675407778
>If the feelings were real then you'll both be hurting,
They were, but she got over ot quickly by, well, getting back with her ex who is "the guy she wants to be for her whole life". Sounded insecure as hell when she told me that, so might've dodged a bullet there.

Only chance i see is still talking to her, she's into weightlifting and has offered me, when we were dating, to help me with diet and stuff, so that's something we could be talking about.

>>675407981
Who gives a fuck if you think you're delusional, if you feel it then go for it even if there's a 99% you'll be fucked over. Shying away from it because you're scared will make you forever wonder.

I really hope you don't get fucked, anon. I don't want anyone else to feel like I do right now.

>>675399401
Interesting way to look at it...

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>>675407944
I'm glad you tried anon. That's something I sometimes want to do. When I'm walking home, I see homeless people all the time. One day, I want to find one that's asleep ,and just leave a bottle of water tucked under their arm. Just to remind them that someone cares.

>>675408322
thanks anon she seems like shes the best and im going to live my years for now looking foward tomeeting her

>>675408297
If you really want to keep her in your life then let her know. Just be prepared to tell her that you only want to be friends even if you don't mean it.

Also bear in mind that just because she said she got over it, doesn't mean she did. Obviously I dunno the situation but a lot of times people will bullshit because they want to be over feelings they're not over. (That hope is what's keeping me going right now, anyway)

>>675407891
>>675405646
>>675400936
>>675399831
Right inna feels

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I asked this yesterday, but I'm going to ask again:
Why do I keep talking to that Big Faggot in the sky, when I know he's never going to answer?

>>675408597
>Also bear in mind that just because she said she got over it, doesn't mean she did
I presume that she's in that state yeah. Trying to get over "us" with her ex or some bullshit, but eh, if she thinks that's what she needs so be it.

Last time we spoke was by the end of january, told me she'd text me something on omy birthday which is in 2 days. I might just wait for that, if she doesn't text me, i just might and re-initiate contact then.

My uncle commuted suicide last year, I know little to nothing about his story and being the lurker I am I truly wish he had left a green text or something behind so I could share, and other Anons could learn from his possible mistakes.

>>675408472
Thank you

>>675399401
Damn, never seen it like that before. I guess shit makes kinda sense.

>>675408039
I'm programming, overcoming problems is a fullfiling process, and the process of creation is also kinda good. But everything else feels like nothing. I sit and watch fucking anime romances, to identify myself with the male protagonist and for that moment to feel the happiness those characters feel.

>>675408770
becasue you still have hope that one day that big faggot might just say something back. Never lose hope in whatever big faggot you put you faith into

>>675408770
Because you want someone to tell you why everything keeps going to shit.

>>675408910
If she doesn't text you on your birthday, text her. Don't remind her that it's your birthday because she remembers. Just say "Hey" or something.

Happy early birthday anon.

>>675409480
Yeah, sounds like a plan.
Thanks a bunch for listening man! How long have you been together with your ex and why did it break?

Thanks!
>Turning 25 and still got no idea where my life should go

>>675408770
we all need a friend

>>675408934
I'm sorry for your loss anon.

>>675408036
How long did you go to therapy? I don't have much self confidence either but im hoping when i shed this weight that will change.

>>675409179
>I sit and watch fucking anime romances, to identify myself with the male protagonist and for that moment to feel the happiness those characters feel.

I will sit there, usually drunk, and demand to the protag that he never let go of his girlfriend.

>>675399652
I feel like I'm getting stupider by the day.
I used to be able to read a novel in two hours, I used to be able to do calculus effortlessly.
Now I'm struggling not to fail every class I'm in.
Fuck my life.
I could live with a setback, but it feels like bits of my soul are flaking off.

>>675409640
>>675400048
I am this anon. That's my story about her. Way, way shorter than it actually could be but that's the gist of it, anyway. We were together almost 2 and a half years, also long distance.

>>675399844
i remember that

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>>675409732
I went for 2 or 3 years, it really didn't do much. And working out definitely boosted my self confidence, i hope it does the same for you.

>>675409826
You're just as smart as ever Anon, you need to find something that you want to apply yourself too and not let yourself give up on that task.

>be me
>other day
>find bunch of nostalgic shit
>90s as fuck
>find cassett tapes and my old Walkman
>still works
>legit bawling after listening to music that reminds me of childhood
>start watching old movies from 90s even ones I've never seen.

Makes me cry everytime. Is somthing wrong with me /b/? Or am I just a nostalgic faggot?

>>675409824
Well. That sounds like future me. WEEEEEE!

>>675410378
Nothing wrong with being a nostalgic faggot, anon.

>>675410033
Mh sounds she really had issues man, sounds like she's also the kind of "don't know what i want" woman.
Throwing away all her stuff was good anon, did the same thing.
Blocking you from everything is a childish way of letting you know that she's really insecure and not mature at all, don't hang yourself up on the thought anon, shit will get better i promise you that and that's coming from me haha.
Hang in there man, chin up!

I miss her.

>>675410491
Somtimes I just sit in despair over the fact that I want to go back but it's impossible

>>675410686
who doesnt?

i tried to text "her" after 2 years of no contact, she didn't even respond despite me being her first bf for over 2 years, real shame

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What's her name anons?

>>675410800
Paige

>>675410686
It wasn't meant to be. She probably misses you too.

>>675410265
Thanks Anon. Do you still work out?

>>675410770
I spoke to her today. She's with someone else. She's happy.

>>675410634
Thanks anon. As hard as it is I'm not gonna give up on her mostly because, apart from being crazy in love with her, I'm the only person in her life that's known how to handle her issues and not judged her for them. She opened herself up to me like she never had for anyone else and I guess that's why it was so easy for my insecurities to hurt her.

I hope your shit works out too, hell I hope everyone here has a massive, positive 180 in their life tomorrow.

>>675411043
she left me for someone else, she's not together with him anymore, last year i heard she's out with someone else again, she must've thought "oh i might miss out on something"

>>675410938
I'm trying to get back into it, but it's pretty bad, I stopped for a good 6-7 months. But I'm slowly getting back into what I was doing before.

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>>675410800
Im happy i dont think of her name anymore

>>675411052
>I hope your shit works out too, hell I hope everyone here has a massive, positive 180 in their life tomorrow.
Sure as hell will my man. Gonna go to work now, have a fucking nice day and buy something nice solely for you today.

>>675411313
Took me seven or so years, how about you?

>>675411272
Sorry man.

>>675411523
no worries, she was a cunt for not being honest with me when she broke up, her loss.

>>675410316
I think part of me knows this.
But whenever I reach for something I need, a memory, a creative idea, or just something to say, it's never there when I need it.
I study but I can't remember a thing.

Still, I don't want to go quietly.
There's always this image I think of when it seems I'm getting nowhere.
I'm punching a wall, so hard my knuckles split, the bones underneath crack, and I end up just pulverizing my whole arm.
And then I keep going at with the rest of my body until I'm nothing.
It's how things are beginning to feel.
Like my persistence is killing me.

You guys need some happiness.
Enjoy this song.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSUmUA1qrlI

>>675411502
Not that anon, but the fact that people have gone seven years with the same pain over the same person scares the fucking shit out of me.

>>675411281
Good shit Anon you should start to feel a little better in no time when you get back into it Anon I believe in you.

>>675411808
Questions?

>>675411281
i'm doing SL for a month now, still need to get over my anxiety and go 3x a week and not maybe 2 times

>>675400007
Holy fuck, this made me feel.
Also, QQUUUUAAAADDDDSSSS! Nice get.

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you guys need to stop wallowing in self-pity and get a job

>>675411921
I wouldn't even know what to ask. I think I stand a good chance of getting back with my ex eventually but if I'm wrong and I'm still ruined and unable to feel anything for anyone else seven years from now I might just roll out of bed and throw a bag over my head.

>>675412047 (You)

>>675411683
Maybe you need a break from what you're doing, it sounds like you're working yourself to exhaustion

>>675411861
Yeah, it's just hard to find any motivation, I used to go with my friend, but now he's too busy with school. But thanks, definitely made me feel better.

>>675411959
Good luck anon

>>675412047
Ever considered that some of us have a job, but we need some place where it's okay to break?

>>675412336
well then maybe you should kill yourself and take a nice permanent break

>>675412336
Ignore the faggot, he's just shitposting everywhere

>>675412248
Maybe.
I haven't been sleeping well for the past 2 years, so that might be a contributing factor.
But this feels deeper than that, like part of me is rotting.
I'll think I'll see a therapist tomorrow.

>>675412109
Life's a journey. The best parts are in the travels, not the destinations.

>>675410800
I've had many gf's. Sex with so many women I lost track of the number. I have never felt what you made me feel. Meysarah Goffi... I miss you...

>>675412676
don't talk to me like you know me

feels like shit when your own best friend never trust you since the beginning she know you

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>>675413059

>>675410800

Lily. Known here for 29 years, loved her for 16, circumstance always got in the way. There's that idea that if you want something or someone enough, nothing can stand between you and them. Not true, at all. Even for the best of us.

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Well guys, I'm out. I'll probably start another thread sometime tomorrow simply because I like talking/feeling with you all. I hope everyone's shit works out, and remember that even if you don't have any friends, every faggot in every feels thread is your friend. Night guys.

>>675410800
Vanessa

She was (and still is) a friend. It was a one night stand kind of thing, but the thing that still bothers me is that we never went out on an actual date or something. For now, she has a boyfriend and is sleeping with a friend who knew her long before I did. Sorry for the story, needed to rant.

>>675413194
Do you mind if i save this image?

Story time of how i once tried to kill myself !
so i was in high school and i had a huge crush on this girl. Now i'm not the most attractive anon so when a girl starts a conversation i think its a joke on me. i completely avoid her in an attempt to not be hurt but as a result one of my friends gets the girl
after this i feel furious and i take my anger out on some random car. this however costed $2,000 and high schoolers don't have that much so my parents are disappointed in me. thats when it happens.
>be me
>be suicidle
>steal dads old gun
>search up best ways to kill myself
>put gun behind ear
>pull trigger
>jammed
as i'm searching up how to clean a 1911, i think that this is a sign to continue in life. i'm now in medical school training to be an ER doctor so for those of you who want to kill yourselves know that all of use have an reason to continue.

>>675412233
>>675413344

Based /b/

https://youtu.be/l9JiebyECQo

File: john10.jpg (20 KB, 300x350) Image search: [Google]

20 KB, 300x350

>>675413344

>>675412816
Lemme know if any of you look her up onFB. I try sometimes, but can never bring myself to see how she is

>>675410800
Victoria.
My old partner in crime. I loved her as much as one could ever do so. In the end, we knew that we just wouldn't be able to work things out and mutually left one another.

>>675413696
I still have an unspent rifle round struck square in the primer. Hunting rifle, never misfired before or since. Godspeed.

Sure I have my dream job, I am a pilot. I am surrounded by people that are simply just good people in general. I should be happy and that's how everyone sees me, A happy go lucky guy who Is cool to be around. Although when I am alone and can really be myself I know that I am on the edge of suicide everyday. I always put up a front which I am pretty good at doing, To make other people happy. Inside I am empty alone and long for true happiness in this world. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep because of how alone I feel everyday, I HAVE met no one that truly connects with me yet and I always have to put up my usual front to make them happy since I can't stand being negative towards someone else yet it makes me empty. I look forward to that bottle of beer every day, I am only ever happy when I am high or drunk. What the fuck is wrong with me dammit, I have had such adventures, I have been a sailor, I have been a paintball manager and now I pilot. WHY AM I NOT HAPPY DAMMIT.