I don't have a good story but one time whilst driving on the freeway I sneezed and a hummus-like paste filled my shorts

>>675397819
The suprise ones are cataclysmic

bump
Shit stories are best stories.

>>675398121
I know, and the worst part is I was driving to pick up my mom from her shift at the hospital in HER car. Would you be happy about a shit filled Nissan Sentra after a 12 shift in the ER? She wasn't.

>>675397405
Fucking hilarious

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>be me, around 12
>coming home from disney
>on flight
>feels a shit coming on
>go to bathroom
>shit comes out like waterfall
>wipe and head back to my seat
>feels something squishy in my underwear but ignore it
>gets home and showers
>puts underwear and old clothes in hamper
>an hour passes by
>my dad barges in with my underwear in his hand
>fucking destroyed with unwipped shit
>dads pissed, staring me down
>'all those people could fucking smell you'
>mfw

>>675397405
kek

>>675398805
Holy shit

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>few years ago
>was 19
>at buddy's place
>he's lactose intolerant
>says he gets the shits from milk
>offer him 10 bucks to chug a glass of milk
>on the first sip, the milk "goes down the wrong pipe"
>he chokes and spits milk across the room
>was about to laugh untill I saw the shit sundae covering the back of his legs
>he was wearing loose shorts
>mfw

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>>675399524

>>675399524
l m a o

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>>675398805

>>675399524
>they could smell you!

Op here I've got another
>be me 7th grade
>drink some weird homemade smoothie shake thing
>40 minutes later sitting in social studies
>I feel a disturbance
>kinda just get up and sprint/walk to the door and point at it when the teacher looks at me
>he knew I either needed to puke or shit bad
>thank you based teacher
>go to bathroom
>almost get mistaken for a terrorist attack
>bad gas and plastering shit in the bowl and all
>cleanup the best I can and awkwardly shuffle to class
>based teacher sees this and understands
>writes me a nurse pass without question
>it's not over yet
>go to the nurse
>"i had diarrhea "
>stupid school policy says you can only get sent home if it happens 3 times
>bitch watch me
>feel a second bombing comming out
>go into nurse bathroom
>even worse than before, it's so fucking loud
>I'm in there for a solid 10 minutes
>half way through hear giggling
>Ohpleasefuckno
>eventually get out
>it's two fucking girls I had crushes on
>for fuck sakes

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>>675400681
what

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>be me
>about 12
>About to go trick-or-treating w/ sis
>Get past a few houses with minor disturbances
>feelitcoming.jpeg
>shit all down my legs
>luckily I was wearing pants
>waddle home
>embarrassed for the rest of the night

>>675397405
You're an animal.

Another
>be me
>around sophomore year
>gets stomach virus
>basically whenever I eat, I shit waterfalls 30-40 minutes later
>based mom keeps me home from school for a few days
>stops after 3 days, go into school
>devours cheese fries like there's no tomorrow
>in 4th period
>stomach makes a noise
>ohshit.jpg
>i shit myself
>i act like nothing's wrong the rest of the day
>6th period
>i shit myself again
>7th period gym
>i spend my time cleaning my underwear
>i feel another shit coming on and quickly sit on the toilet
>barely get there but shit on the floor
>i get the fuck out of there
>someone in 8th period sees the shit on the bathroom
>no one knows it was me

>on vacation in spain
>been sick for the whole week i was there
>using the bathroom before checking out
>sudden urge to shit out of nowhere
>took 2 steps before my anus explodes
>leave it there for some spic cleaner lul

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>wake up for work like every other day
>same morning routine every time
>turn on shower, get naked, piss in toilet, get in shower
>i start to piss and feel a fart coming on
>this one doesn't want to come out
>spread asscheek with hand and give a little push
>ahh there we go
>finish pissing and turn to get into shower
>it feels like i step in something wet
>i fucking shit on the floor while i was pissing
>wipe foot and sit on toilet and have some gnarly diarrhea
>call work to tell them i'll be late because i sharted

>>675403722
Why the fuck did you think it was a good idea to shit standing up

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>be me a year and a half ago
>walking with my gf since we both don't have cars
>feel shit storm brewing because of chili I ate earlier
>tell my gf I had to go home early that night so I can shit
>as we say goodbye we kiss
>exactly as we kiss it comes out like there's no tomorrow
>quickly say bye and I love you to her and start walking/sprinting the other way
>quickly turn to the wing stop that's right there and go to the restroom
>pool down pants and shit goes everywhere
>it's a shit apocalypse in there
>clean the bowl and side of wall I hit as much as possible
>toilet paper runs out
>have to use paper I had in pocket to finish up and clean leftover in my ass cheeks
>mfw someone goes in right after me as I walk out of there as fast as possible
Luckily my gf never found out since left so fast.

>>675403882
right? I was so fucking startled. i figured some water splashed out or the shower or something, but then I looked down and was like, "oh, nope, i just shit myself."

I was even more disturbed by the fact that I thought the fart was totally OK. Not once was I worried about it until after it happened. Kind of makes me worry that I could potentially do it any time and not notice until it's too late.

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>be at mall
>just filled up on chinese food from the food court
>stomach starts to feel like someones stabbing me
>hold it and think maybe itll pass or its just gas
>next time it hurts i push out a little to check
>feel the hot liquid shit on the tip of my asshole
>clench my butthole and run to the restroom
>run inside a stall and struggle to get my belt loose and pants down
>sit on toilet and let loose
>just as i open the gates my ass slides off the seat from some nigger who didnt lift the seat when he peed
>fall facefirst on the floor with my ass under the stall next to me
>cant stop, unload at full blast my hot liquid shit hurricane
>hear a blood curdling scream
>stall door next to me slams open and hear someone run out
>get up and wipe my ass and pull up pants
>leave stall and see the stall next to me has shit all over the wall
>theres an outline of a person sitting on the toilet like something out of a cartoon
>leave the scene of the crime before someone else walks in

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>>675404643

>be me
>deep in the woods hiking
>bad_trail_mix.jpg
>gotta shit, reall bad
>squat on tree, pull down pants
>sweet explosion release
>shit light brown custard all over back of pants
>walk with rest of friends home, all shitty and gagging the whole hike back
>cant sit in friends car with shitty pants
>walk 3 more miles home, covered in shit
>gag again and throw up

Since we're on the topic of shit, does anyone shit in public bathrooms? I can't fucking do it. I once kept shit in for an entire week because I was at a hotel and couldn't do it.

>>675405218
you are a little bitch, I would shit on you in public instantly...

>going to geology field trip
>have anxiety driven ibs really bad
>when no toilet is around body freaks out and i have to go
>go on multiple hikes in rural mountains all day
>can feel shits brewing all day but dont want to shit in open where everyone can smell
>finally we head to the camp site
>knowing the toilet is going to be there settles me down
>get to camp site
>two porta pottys for about 20 people
>wait a bit since i know toilet is there and get camp set up
>finally go to restroom
>scared of sitting on porta potty toilet seat at night in middle of nowhere
>hover over and launch diarrhea straight out of my ass all over toilet seat and sides going down
>wipe myself and run out of toilet
>kid goes in there like 30 mins later and screams
>everyone looking at shit covered toilet
>teacher shaking his head closes door and puts up small paper sign not to go in
>never confess
>one toilet for whole group
>slept like a baby

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>Be 17.
>Playing vidja while I have a stomach virus.
>Gamble on a fart.
>Bust.

>>675405218
You count the bathroom in a hotel room as a public restroom? What the fuck?

But yeah, I do prefer privacy. I don't understand the dudes in public restrooms that just come in, sit down, have the noisiest shit, and then leave. If I'm trying to shit, and they come in, I usually hold it until they leave. I wish I could just not give a fuck like everyone else.

>>675405834
that drawing is fucking brilliant

>>675400442
wrong post faggot

>be 8 yrs old
>grandpa is here to visit
>he and I home alone
>had something wrong with me
>he gets the bright idea to fix our toilet even though it wasn't broken
>end up splootin all inside my shorts and undies
>throw them out the window and change
>uh oh I'm not done
>fuck you grandpa I'm using the shitter
>start firing out the Golden Coral chocolate fountain
>suddenly feel like throwing up
>decision time
>decide to puke in the can instead of on the floor
>shit another pair of shorts
>put them in a trash bag and hide them under the heater
>mom finds them like 3 days later
>she wasn't happy

>>675405902
I just can't. Like I only shit in two places. My house and the house my family uses for vacation

>>675405902
I'm exactly like this

>>675407075
Exactly like me, or exactly like the guy that comes in and lets loose?

>>675407290
Exactly like you

>be inside an abandoned factory
>suddenly feel the urge
>tell girl I'm with we have to go NOW
>we leave get in car
>driving around but fucking nothing is open because its like 2am
>cant hold it anymore
>tell her stop the car NOW
>she keeps fucking driving
>STOPPULLOVERIHAVETOGETOUT
>she finally stops like a mile later
>make it all of 10 feet
>pull my pants down start shitting on sidewalk
>turn and spew all over someone's bushes
>guy comes out of his house
>pull up pants
>guy somehow doesn't notice
>get back in car
>go get food and wipe my ass

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>>675407413
kek

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>>675407413
wewlad

>>675407370
I'm always worried I will encounter my equal when public shitting. Like the bathroom will be empty and I'll be about to relax and let it out and then someone will come in and go into the stall next to me. He'll sit down and I'll think, "just hang tight buddy, he'll be done soon." Little do I know that he's thinking the exact same thing - patiently waiting for me to leave. Poop stalemate.

>>675404934
Being so new that you don't know this old pasta. He didn't even write it out correctly either. Fucking newfags.

>>675408068
This so much. kek

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Alright fags.

>Be 11
>Socially retarded and want to pull prank
>Goes to a day care type shit (5th grade richfag)
>Decide that dropping a turd in the sink is funny
>Pulls down pants, goes to sink.
>Starts to shit
>Somalian_waterfall. jpg
>Ohshitohshit.flac
Panicked and ran out. Didn't wipe and everyone got yelled at until some other faggot kid got blamed for it.

>just now
>get done working out
>hear the brown Wild Hunt rushing up, left, and down towards my anus with all the gutteral roaring of 20 bullfrogs traveling at speed through old pipes
>defecate profusely
>like an anal Hammer of Dawn straight into the local plumbing
>feel my body withering to produce such a fecal spirit bomb, lips instantly chap from the dehydration and relocation of liters of fluid
>cat approaches very concerned
>shit spluttering out from in between seat and bowl onto floor
>we're both just appalled
>I stand, legs shaking like a newborn deer's, ass dripping water, buttpiss, and mucous
>three wipes and done
>go to wash hands, cat has gone in to stand against the toilet to smell bowl
>as I look at him he slowly looks at me with mouth agape, as if to say "what hath God wrought"
>now drunk forgetting the postbuttmatic stress

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>>675404643
i cant breathe

Plebs,
>be me
>break leg
>morphine.exe
>surgery
>be in recovery
>5 days no poop
>they gonna upmyass in Tminus
>Herculean effort
>sizeable chunk of masonry stuck half put me arse
>pain.com
>about to reach down and pull fecolith out
>last effort
>ass tearing pain
>turd comes out like a champagne cork
>weeks worth of hospital food shit follows
>blood in toilet
>have to pull alarm chain to help pants up and return to bed
>ass rekt for days
Get on my level guise.

I fell asleep during training at home depot and shit my pants. No idea why, its never happened to me ever in my entire life. I just walked out and never came back.

>>675409621
You had a stroke /b/ro.

>>675397405
>Be me
>Statistics class at college, Saturday 7AM
>Final Exam
>Sick as fuck
>the exam starts, im dying
>Afriad to fart since im totally sure whats coming out
>Everyone around can hear my stomach roaring and see me struggling in pain
>everyone is begging me to pass them the answers of the *fill this empty space* question
>I dont give a fuck since I barely can speak and Im holding my Stomach while Im totally covered in sweat
>"Te...teacher, may I go to the bathroom?"
>Everyone is wondering wtf is going on as I go out of the room on a slow penguin pace
>Its saturday, bathrooms are closed
>slowly walked to the backyard of the building
>took a massive shit there, it was a fucking massacre
>ok, now lets do that fucking exam
>Pretty much everyone saw what I did as they finished the exam and went home passing by that backyard
>literally everyone figured out that it was me

Whatever, I didnt had any chance of scoring college-mates anyway

>>675409919
Oh fuck am i ok? Its been 6 years

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>>675397405
>Be me, 17
>No parents home, sister's asleep
>Jacking off in my room
>Feel a good sized fart building up
>Disgonfeelgood.gif
>Squeeze out what I thought was a fart
>Area beneath me feels uncomfortably warm
>Stand up to view the carnage
>My god what have I done?
>Hormel chili consistency shit all over the seat of my computer chair.
>Oh god the smell
>Quick sprint naked to the bathroom to clean ass so I can put some pants on all the while trying not to wake up my sister
>Clean ass, silently sprint downstairs to get paper towels and cleaning supplies
>Try to clean up shit mess the best I could
>Actually couldn't tell that I shat there other than the big wet spot on the cushion from the chemicals
>Go back to bed, never told a soul

This one is a doozy
>be like 6 years old
>At daycare
>its play time so everybody is in one room
>playing with the sandtable in the back
>turtle starts poking it's head out
>Shit gigantic log in sand table
>it was huge
>best friend got blamed for it
Still laugh at him about it

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>be me
>third grade
>had some school lunch that was horrible
>tummy roars loud
>holyshit.jpg
>tells teacher I gotta go potty
>the hands me 4 tiny sheets, says no more
>ran to the bathroom like never before
>unleashed havoc
>a strip of paper falls with shit to the floor
>tries to pick it up and my ass is leaking
>fucks up the whole bathroom
>ass badly wiped, head back to class.
>tells teacher bathroom was a mess and that I couldnt do it.
>they go and see the bathroom.
>classes got canceled cause they made everyone see the bathroom to find out who is guilty.
>last kid who went to the bathroom (2nd grader) before me cries and says no but no one believes him
>they make him clean while whole school watches.
>mfw

>>675405643
i'm fucking dead

>Another binge gaming night
>Eat large bag of Hot Cheetos
>Diarrhea the next morning

Do it all again the next day

>be me
>have a colostomy bag
>be lactose intolerant
>drink lots of milk cuz fuck you its delicious
>go to sleep
>wake up every morning with shit on me and my bed

>>675411382
brief cont.

>spent all that time with ass badly cleaned (4 sheets...)
>finally got home
>takes off pants
>WTF.gif
>gray dried up like stones pieces of shit materials falling off as I took down my pants.

>>675411284
Well... You are on /b/. Self diagnose /b/ro.

>>675409173
Dead

>>675411795
THATS THE SPIRIT!

1. Sitting at the computer wearing shorts. having to take a major dump and too lazy to go dump it out. Time goes by and i hard sneeze thinking i can block but i know i dumped half of it in my shorts. Too cut and paste to be real "oh no!" pull down pants and it's a whole serving of milk chocolate pudding. Luckily it was an easy flush and rinse. Later told the story so well to a friend he barfed.

>ass

>>675411314
Sides in orbit

>Be me in middle school
>Private school (we had uniforms)
>Playing basketball in gym after eating some curry
>After taking a big leap notice that i dribbled poop in my pants
>Sprint to bathroom with burning anus and see that its occupied
>Stand by urinal and silently let it leak
>hide behind lockers and remove pants
>Replace with classmates pants

Literally happened last weekend
>be me
>bunch of friends over playing xbox and shit drinking beer
>friend breaks out the shotglasses
>I have a drinking problem and do not know when to stop and my friends are assholes who think it's funny to see me shitfaced and passed out
>girlfriend comes home early from her night class
>only like 12:30am and been drinking since 6:00pm
>she drags me to bed with the help of my friends
>I don't remember to much about that night but I remember I had to shit really bad
>gf wakes me up at 5:00am telling me to get off the bed
>still drunk
>I roll onto the floor and feel my fucking shorts full diarrhea
>gf somehow loves me enough to take the sheets outside and throw them away
>I crawl into the shower and just lay there feeling highly embarrassed
>me and gf have still not said a word about it 3 days later

im new :v

haha there was this fat ass kid in my grade who smelt like complete asshole..... He used the toilets one day and i went in after him and fucking died in the stench

>>675412871
Kek. No shit involved in this story but a friend of mine passed out in the shower after a wedding on the upper floor of the brides parents house. His ass plugged the floor drain and he flooded the upper, main floor and basement (finished) before anyone found him.

>>675405902
Spend some time in the military, you will get over it real quick. Sitting so close to someone else dropping a duce you can play thumb-war.

>>675412286
DUBS CHEKED :^D

>>675412871
like fucking spud from Trainspotting

>>675413396
Newfag

>>675413396
topkek, my sides

2. Was purposely going to work last minute. Brushing and gambled on a fart. Felt the extra escape. Went from 0% awake to 120% intense terry crews. Yelling at 6:30 am in an apartment single word rage. "what!" .... "no!" jumped in the shower and washed pants halfway in shower. Slap on new pants and run my life out to get in a few minutes late to all equally tired uncaring coworkers. Tell mom with full seriousness to stay out of shower. She understood i probly had wet shit pants hanging for later. Also don't drink expired organic caffeinated juice.

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>be me
>sophomore in HS, like 15 years old
>in Spanish class, had taco party and bocci ball (??? Still confused, that's not Spanish)
>start to feel incoming butt blast
>nobueno.webm
>ask to go to bathroom
>"you can, but MAY you" bullshit because teacher was a douche
>"I'M GONNA SHIT MY PANTS"
>"jesus alright go ahead"
>make it about 4 steps before my asshole collapses
>river of intestinal chocolate stains the white tile hallway
>look back at class in horror
>spic senior goes "haha he shit himself"

I'll never forget the look on his face, like he made an intelligent observation.

>keep running to bathroom to clean it off
>some poor substitute peeing loudly into the toilet bowl
>I burst into his stall (door is wide open, he's just pissing in the stall like a pleb)
>don't even say anything, just drop pants and start wiping my mess as he looks at me with unending disgust
>dinosaurs are waking or something like that
>the fin

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>>675397405
>Be me.
>8.
>Had a stepfather.
>Regularly, I had to hold my shit in my ass because I played too much videogames.
>This becomes an habit.
>After some months doing that, my ass starts to bleed, and left some blood in my underwear.
>One day, my mother see blood in my underwear and asks me.
>"I don't know, mom."
>I was scared as fuck, I didn't want to say what really happened.
>She thinks as an adult.
>Believes my stepfather raped me.
>Holy shit.jpg
>She show him my underwear, he denies it all, obviously.
>I try to tell my mother he didn't do anything.
>She stops me and tells me to fuck off.
>mfw she starts to punch him.
>mfw she makes him go out of my house.
>mfw he goes to jail.
>mfw it was all about my shit.

I started to go to the bathroom everytime I needed since then.
My mother still thinks I was a victim of rape, but I was a victim of shit.

>>675409173
Dude what

>>675404643
I truly laughed out loud. Thanks anon.

>>675397405
>after mma training
>go to house
>see black mojito flavour
>drink it at super speed
>wait 5min
>having fucking world war 3 in my stomach
>something coming think its a fart
>release it
>itsnotafart.mp4
>put a one blast in pants when i realised its too late
>try to close anus as soon as possible
>run upstairs
>attack bathroom
>shit for hour
>feel more exhausted than after training
>feel ashamed for week
>black mojito never again

Two things 1. I have diarrhea and am reading this from the toilet right now and 2. My personal "favorite" was one time I got sick but I had ate popcorn the day before I ate some of the kernels that hadn't popped the feeling of them coming out whole was rather fun.

>be me like 10 years ago.
>stop at liquor store for 12 pack, 8ce and smokes
>see mayo, remember there's tuna at home
>get high, make awesome tuna salad feast
>eat, drink relax, get more high realize I'm hungry again
>walk across the street to El Pollo Loco
>while sizing up menu hot blonde gets in line
>thought I could ease one out, was so wrong
>the slightestpush made a brown waterfall cascade from my shorts
>I look down and just go I guess not and left in shame

>>675402113
>shit himself repeatedly
>no one knows
you keep telling yourself that anon

>>675414811
Turns out mayo was 18 months past expiration and I don't eat mayo anymore

My friend regularly shits in the shower. He is just known for that.

Went to a knock shop once. Was in the shower before hand, did his business and clogged the drain.

Water and shit started building up, he realised there was no way he could mush it down before the white returned.

Just stated panicking that there was sewage coming back up from the drain. Madame came down and he got a full refund.

>>675407413
>Nothing is open
>Go get food

Leave

>two months ago
>live on campus doing laundry
>need to shit, live on third floor, laundry room on first floor
>restroom right across from laundry, go to it
>plant ass on toilet and let 'er rip
>shit so hard it splatters out of toilet onto my back and the wall behind me
>only a little on my lower back, most on the wall.
>wipe and flush, get up and see wall
>am surprised by what I see
>johncena.jpg
>leave it like that
>bitch goes in later after I did and runs out crying
>no one knows it's me

>be me
>with ex
>let him anal
>he pulls out
>says that he felt wet shit on the tip of his dick
>FML embarrassed
>he goes home after cleaning up
>goes to bathroom
>try to squeeze shit out to the best of my ability
>shit projectiles out of ass
>half the shit hits the water and half hits the dry surface of the bowl
>both ricochet back to my pussy
>shit with a chance of sperm all up in my pussy
>calls ex and tells him I might be pregnant

>>675406230
http://www.daftporn.com/extreme-videos/OMG-caught-by-little-brother.php

>>675403722
> Hey greg
> Yea gunna be a little late, shit on my floor

>>675415506
Tits or gtfo

>Be me in basic training
>Two week long field exercise
>Nothing new, almost done
>Performing patrol through the tree's
>Stabbing pain in my gut, instantly drop
>Wtf over?
>DS comes by "what the fuck private?"
>No idea, stomach hurts like hell
>"It's nothing, you just need to shit"
>Get back to base, run to porto-john
>Only three, for one hundred dudes. They are full to capacity
>UnleashtheKracken!
>The king of shit - bricks slams to the bottom of the depths
>Literally shakes the entire hut with the force of impact
>God damn MRE's

>>675402113
You sat in your own shit for half a day of school?

>>675414353
I know this story is bullshit but on the off chance it isn't, that dude, like him or not, is sitting in jail right now because you haven't confessed the reality of your situation?

>>675399483
kek