thats part of being a human you retard
the human mind autonomously reverts to a level state when not reacting to stimuli or when you're immune to certain stimuli
you cannot stay happy
you cannot stay sad
you cannot stay mad
do drugs to feel alive like the rest of us

I didn't even know anhedonia was a word

>>674816277
You sound like me 10 years ago. Eventually you'll learn that it doesn't get better, you may struggle with depression, and ultimately you'll just keep faking it because there's really no alternative.

How old are you OP? A few things here similar to me.

>>674816766
And how old are you now?

>>674816571
No shit you can't stay in a particular state. Understand that in my "default" state, the world is utter meaninglessness. Things just exist because they exist, and I exist only to eat food and go on living so I can eat more food and not die.

I don't enjoy anything anymore. I don't enjoy video games, movies or TV shows, sports, social interaction, anything.

I do use drugs sometimes but they don't seem to do much for me. Alcohol, coffee, tobacco, also tried Phenibut (does nothing), high dose Tianeptine, and numerous others.

I want to get into psychedelics more (I've done DMT once), psilocybin, mescaline, LSD, but I can't get my hands on them.

>>674816766
I've had some form of depression (dysthymia?) for over ten years, but it seems to be slowly getting worse.

>>674817243
24

>>674816277
I'm with you, OP

However i use psychedelics to regain my sense of emotion and living. Its quite useful if you can handle it. You actually become spiritual, which is something most people today are afraid of. They can't grasp the concept of different perceptions of reality. They are afraid that there is something more to reality than they can imagine.

You, OP, are one of these. Try magic mushrooms like your ancestors before you, try DMT like shamans in the jungle, or try LSD like an unknowing scientist.

>>674816277
Everyone is dead inside

We are just full of meaningless goals

Your life on earth doesn't have any sense

By admitting that you will, slowly, overcome

>>674816277
I think i get you.
I'm 21, been antisocial and drinking like alot the last 3 years. thats an understatement btw ^

so i have reached this point where i can feel anxious, shortly happy and sad and all that, but most of the time i am just passive. Dont feel sad nor do i feel any other emotions. most bored. I used to be a very sensitive person, not in the bad way, in the way that when i felt happy or angry it was like ten times more than most others feel it.

I think it has alot to do with not being social, only talking with myself, being in front of computer all day, laying in bed, not being outside feeling the cold air talking to people getting relationships, falling in love, having fun with friends you know.


are you social?

>>674817644
I've done DMT.

I've been wanting nothing more than to try psychedelics for a long time now. I've experienced ego death on DMT and I am not afraid of trying high dose psychedelics. But for the life of me, I don't know how to get my hands on them. My run in with DMT was a pure luck.

>>674817752
But why are so many people vibrant, full of life and energy, ambition, experiencing euphoria from the simplest moments? What's that about?

>>674818095
They just don't think about it.
It is the melancholy of philosophy.
In "Pensées" of Pascal (French philosopher, world-wide known) he describe why and how entertainment give the illusion of something meaningful in life

Fill your life with shit to do so that you'll forget that non-feeling of nothingness. It won't ever go away entirely. Make meaning in your own life, you don't need God for that. Meaning comes with experience, so go out and get some.

All of this is hard. Making life have meaning isn't easy.

>>674818815
French philosopher from the 17 century !!!
You are not the only that felt this way!!!

Don't worry

Everyone in his life had feel completely empty
It's normal for educated fox - I mean kek basic bitches are never empty

>>674817477
>Things just exist because they exist, and I exist only to eat food and go on living so I can eat more food and not die.
welcum 2 lyf - or chose the pathetic way

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****************************
Can the psychedelic users in this topic please tell me how and where they get them from? Did you just find a dealer from your social circle?
*******************************************
>>674817875
>are you social?

Not so much anymore. The extent of my social interactions are limited to small amounts of time with my friends, smaller amounts with my family, coworkers, and occasional date.

I had a pretty active social life a couple of years ago that was fueled almost entirely by alcohol, but alcohol does nothing for me anymore, so socializing has stopped being enjoyable.

I do have a somewhat productive life, college, work, and the gym, but otherwise I do spend far more time inside than I'd like. I should at least start camping or something.

>>674818095
I don't mean to imply that most other people aren't aware of that life is meaningless and purposeless. But you have a point.

>>674819153
Makes sense. It's very hard to get the ball rolling since nothing is enjoyable. I'll have to pick something and stick with it. I am somewhat limited by my income but there are plenty of nature-based activities I could certainly get into.

>>674819772
Meant to quote >>674818815

>>674819772
bump

>>674816277
Boo-Fucking-Hoo.

You have a roof over your head and food in your stomach. You have friends and family that care about you. You obviously have a computer of some sort because you're on /b/ being a whiny little bitch. Your life is better than most of the people on the planet.....but here you sit all sad.

Man the fuck up and get on with your privileged life. Join the fucking Peace Corp or feed people at a homeless shelter. Stop thinking about yourself for a change you pampered little prick. You have to put something into life to deserve to get something out. You're not entitled to happiness or meaning. You either create it or you don't.

Get off of /b/ and do something useful.

>>674819772
You can order either at the darknet or from clearnet shops

Its actually very easy, there are reddit threads for these kind of things

Also depends on what you want, i guess

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>>674819772
I may have a solution
Take a paper & a pencil
Put every electronics away
Remain calm & don't be distract

Write what you are what you have achieved in your life
Your goals in life
Your issues & always try to explain why you are writing it

It helped me a lot during a certain period

>>674820793
I don't think that it's not so simple for everyone
Everyone have feelings my dear

>>674820793
Why are you so mad?

Someone always has it worse. I'm grateful for everything I have, I think about my fortunes every day.

That doesn't change the fact that it's how I feel right now. I think you're missing my point. I'm NOT sad, I'm not anything. I feel like a purposeless robot with no direction. It's hard for me to work for something, hard for me to get out of bed.

I'd like to not think about myself, but everyone is the center of their own Universe. I am very empathetic of others. Things that are easy for others are hard for me, and things that are hard for others seem nearly impossible.

I've put in hard work for things I have thought important, but they left me feeling the exact same.

Fuck off with your hostility, do you understand what depression actually is? It's not sadness. I'm not pitying myself hoping the world will support me. I have to work for what I want and it's all on me. But I simply do not give a shit about anything.

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>>674819772
>not so much anymore etc

From what you say it sounds like you need to maybe take a break. Like a break from gym, from doing the things you feel like you have to do to live the good life. Slow down a bit and try to do something new like going for nightwalks. Maybe meditate 20 minuts a day or every second day, that helps alot if you got alot on your mind and if stress might be on its way.

we live two very different lives, but i can totally understand you in what you mean and I think the reason you arent the way you were before is because you have been doing the same things for too long. Maybe you need to get some new inputs. if you have beaches maybe think about taking some good close friends to a afternoon beachparty with a campfire, some beers and a good long talk. Do something new and take a break from working out (if its an everyday thing). Slow down, try something new. take cold showers.
I once did a thing i called "throw out new start", where i threw most of my belongings out. books old shit clothes so on. my apartment was almost empty, i felt more clear and then i started to get new things like a new kind of table, i started to get wallposters, i bourght new jeans and felt like i was another person when i was partying u know.

talk to a professional if u think u might be depressed and these changes doesnt work one bit

>>674817477
Thats what I found is that psychedelics is the only way. I never feel shit unless on them. Weed is the best!

>>674822189
This is great advice

I can't just quit work or school. Don't think it would be best to quit the gym either.

But I think I can benefit from completely switching my patterns. I hate routine, I hate consistency, I love and embrace change and challenge. There's a lot of things I'm not afraid of trying at all, but I suppose I just didn't expect them to do much. But after all the brain is neuroplastic and adapts to new experiences, that's how we grow. We can't grow if we do the same shit everyday.

Nightwalks isn't a bad idea. I love cold showers.

I don't want to keep milking information from you, but I have zero creativity in my life right now. Do you have any other suggestions or are you willing to share some of yours? Something *free* or cheap and practical/accessible

>>674817644
So much this its ridiculous.

>>674821837
cry me a river. you are in charge of your life. sitting here moaning about your life just resets the cycle of victim hood. you're a victim because that's what you want to be. life is not fulfilling your idea of what it's supposed to be so you just sit here and moan about how you don't "feel" anything.

guess what? no one cares if you give a shit. it's your choice to give a shit or not. keep not giving a shit if that makes you happy. it sounds like you prefer not giving a shit because it gets you off of the hook for your own life. failure is easy. you prove it every day.

>>674820965
I want psilocybin and mescaline to start out. I'll check out the reddit posts. I'm just a little wary of getting caught

So much retarded human beings in this site

>>674816277
Kill someone, it'll help you.

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Stop crying little faggot
And tell me why tomorrow will be different because you decided to change

>>674823558
I know I'm in charge of my life, this isn't news.

I'm asking for advice because I need help getting the ball rolling, so all you're doing is preaching to the choir.

>it sounds like you prefer not giving a shit because it gets you off of the hook for your own life

Why do you think such a thing? Do you think I'm a NEET who just sits around waiting for happiness? I do what I can, and work.

The road to success is lined with failure. But by the context of your post, failure is inaction, and I would agree. Why do you think I'm not doing anything?

I can't concentrate on anything. I have constant brain fog. I'm always tired. I have voices in my head constantly telling me to kill myself.

Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to get out of bed every morning and get shit done? Go to work, go to class, make important phone calls, work on my to do list? I get shit done but the amount of effort involved is completely exhausting. I can't even hang out with friends for a long time because I start to lose focus, space out, and my stream of thoughts evaporate into nothing.

You clearly don't understand what depression is.

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>>674823218
you cool dude haha yes i can share some of my own ways that helped me alot

>sorry my english is rusty, i'm from denmark bare with me

When i was 15 to 18 i diddent live with my parrents. I lived on this kind of boarding school, but it was more down to earth. on an island. I lived there with alot of fucking awesome people. the teachers was like my new parrents you know, giving me life tips/advices and just being friends. apart from that i also had 40 student friends all 3 years. surrounded by people for 3 years and then suddently coming home again as 18 year old takes it torn on you. when i got home i went back to my old room in my parrents home. I got so depressed i chose to be homeless for a month instead of living at home. so homeless and mildly depressed on the streets sleeping in homes for junkies and drunks every night. Then some professionals gave me a little apartment and helped me because i was so young. Now I live in a bigger apartment in a quiet nice place close to centrum of the second biggest city in my country. I love it.

my point is: Because I chose to be homeless after feeling so bad, it changed my hole path. I'm not on my way on becoming the sexy adult travelling the world and all that, that i wanna become.
if i diddent choose to become homeless, i would probably be suicidal and i would still be stealing, lying and seling drugs for older guys that abused my naivity.

-I also made sure i got an hour every second week to talk to a professional about how my life is going and so on. sharing stuff with another professional stranger that isnt allowed to speak loudly about what u talk about is very nice. (btw she is doing it for free, how cool is that)

so when you feel like you need to do something, and i sounds and feels scary, i strongly recomment that you follow that gut-feeling. as preteens says: "YOLO". people will love you no matter if u make mistakes or call for help.

Also, make sure to turn off your laptop/iphone when u are sad,

>>674817875
Check out HSP and look for simularities

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>>674825826
>>674823218


also the thing about turning devises off when you are sad or frustrated are very fucking importent.

I am still in process of learning myself to quit grabbing that beer or my phone when i feel down.

your brain and body needs to feel all the sad and grey things before it can produce all the good chemicals. it needs to release before it can produce u know. I bet its not new info for you, but its just a reminder that cellphones and internet and shit is making us humans into nonfeeling passive consumerzombiess man lol. So remember that!

when u feel sad and wanna cry when u are driving home in your car, turn over, turn off, look outside your window in silence and wait for it to settle down. this will also tell your brain that you are able to relax and go thru it when u need to witch will help your feelings in every day situations.

Hella coke and hookers. Solves everything.

>>674826185
yeah i know HSP, also read alot about it.

>>674816766
Story of my life. It will always be exactly the same.

Kill yourself OP or come terms with it. Literally the only advice applicable. Your parents gambled by having a child and it looks like they/you lost the lottery. Such is life.

>>674823864
This society is a prison. This reality is a prison. Psychedelics are worth the risk. I got 10 convictions and never done time for psychedelics unless you count the 3 times I had to do time for weed. tfw Texas.

>>674816277
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ME ???? ARE YOU MY CLONE ?

>>674816277
Sounds like you got a pretty nice life.

>>674827082
>schizo detected

>>674826815
Good. I don't think enough people know about HSP. Even some of the HSPers themselves don't know what and who they are and that can lead to very difficult situations (personal exp)

>>674825662
oh jesus christ

my aren't you pathetic. so...you're so depressed all you can do is log onto /b/ and ask basement dwelling neck beards for advice?

seriously?


this seems like a great course of action to you?

go to a god damned doctor. find a shrink and pour your depressed guts out until you feel all fulfilled and ready to take on the world with your new found ambition. hell get a nice prescription for Paxil and the big bad world won't seem so unfeeling.

fact is, you don't want help. you want sympathy. you crave sympathy because it's easier than taking responsibility for your own mental health. you prefer sitting in your own mental waste seeking approval for your own lack of character.

either get better or don't. but no one but you actually gives a fuck what you do.

>>674817875
Sounds like you might have a mild case of bipolar

>>674817644
I've had the same issue as OP for a decade. I've tried all kinds of psychedelics in varying dosages. I've never felt a spiritual thing in my life even with those. I'm just acutely aware of the fact that my thought processes are off the entire time and that I'm just on drugs. I've seen it cause weird spiritual delusions in so many people it's fucking absurd. But nothing for me. At least I can enjoy the visual hallucinations, if nothing else.

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>>674817752
This. No one has real meaning. The lives of everything on this earth are less than the blink of an eye cosmically speaking.

This is why religion is so popular. If people had to face reality every day with no hope of something more, an afterlife, then many people would lose hope.

Enjoy crawling on this turd ball for the precious few self aware moments you have, and die alone like everyone else. You aren't different or special... No one is. Self awareness will make you able to enjoy some of life.

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>>674827200
yeah i agree, none of my friends are aware of HSP, i only found out when i was about 17-18.
I also believe its possible to learn to control all those inputs and feelings more. with acceptance and watching yourself from birdview and watching others so on.

being HSP can be dangerous in a sociaty like these. but also it can be like heropowers. HSP is the best leaders after my oppinion.

are u HSP?

cheers

>>674827501
first time someone tells me this.
Pretty sure i'm not bipolar. I know that from the past experiences and how i have lived the last 3 years its more about how i live and not about things like that.

>>674825826
>>674826632
Wow anon thank you so much for this post. You're English is fine, I got the jist of everything you're describing.

>so when you feel like you need to do something, and i sounds and feels scary, i strongly recomment that you follow that gut-feeling

>Also, make sure to turn off your laptop/iphone when u are sad,

This is especially great advice.

I keep putting off finding a therapist (one that is free/will be covered with my insurance), so that's one thing I should definitely start too.

Thanks again

>>674826868
That makes me feel a lot better. Not sarcastic, it genuinely does.
>>674827200
I've suspected I am too, though not so much lately. I've had overwhelming situations in public after smoking fat blunts where I felt like the depth and range of my information processing was several times stronger than normal.

>>674827849
those spirtual delusions might make life more fun, as long as you hold them very lightly you can do it without becoming irrational

>>674817875
I think the numbness is a response to the oversensitivity. I was the same way as a child but had a middle school experience that sort of broke me I think. Developing this apathy was the only way to protect myself. But it became quite the burden further down the line. I never understood what people meant when they said dead inside but I think I have a pretty good grasp these days. Oh well.

I became pretty social in college because I thought that might help. Nothing changed. I also drank really heavily and did lots of drugs. Everything was still exactly the same. Everything everywhere is exactly the same and always will be no matter what changes. So I guess I'll move in some direction until I stop moving.

>>674816277
bump for same conditions

Stop masturbating to porn on the internet
you will regain everything you think you have lost

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>>674816277
look at those dubs op it makes a man tear up

>>674829043
sounds very legit, yeah it may be the nubness. a response to the oversensitivity, but i still know that with my life and how i have acted and my experiences and how i have come out from it and all that, i know it's also just normal human response to what happened to me and how i am living. I still believe 100+ procent that i can get over this and start feeling all the great feelings again AND have more control over it because of what i've learned from my mistakes.

you sound like u have kind of give up bro, how come? ever thought about a professional person to speak to? (theres a reason they are professional, i bet if u get a good one they can help u good)

>>674829676
I'm familiar with the effects that porn has on the brain, the addiction and desensitization of dopamine receptors.

I usually only look at porn a few times a month, it's been 3 weeks since i've masturbated to any. i once went 3 months but that was a real challenge

have you quit it for good?

>>674825662
Listen to this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1An2pjS4mKE

>>674827209
you say all this but it's evening on St Pattys day and you're on 4chan too. what's your problem?

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>>674828202
>>674828202
I agree. This society doesnt allow sensitivity nor empathy. And yes, I'm a HSP aswell and I also found out at the age of 18. It's possible to train it and use in your adventage although this is much easier said then done (I still struggle alot). In the far east HSP is much more common and accepted. A long time ago in China they made a difference between 'normal' people and HSPers. The kings would select normal people to become warriors, and the HSPers as their advisors. We can't be that 'cold' all the time, but we see things others can't. Keep that in mind.

>>674825662
Ignore that guy. I know exactly what you're talking about and the only thing of use he's said is that you have to take responsibility and work. But you already know that and do that. You'll be better off listening to the people that have dealt with this for longer. Why does it bother you that you don't feel as much? Is it how tiring going through the paces everyday that is bothering you? Why is it tiring?

Seeing a therapist problem won't solve your problems but a good one will give you some tools to make your introspection more useful.

>>674827209
This is actually a form of psychology to make OP open up.

>>674829710
this

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>>674816277
i died after my girl left my life.
she'd come over sometimes while her boyfriend was away after school.

once the door would close she'd almost instantly get naked. most times she'd put on her favorite song and start sucking. then she would cry. her tears and makeup would drip down her face onto my dick. its surprising how cold tears are. eventually i finally asked her what was wrong. in between licks she told me that her favorite song was also her bfs favorite song. so even though she loved hearing it and it totally got her pussy wet, it also made her think about the fact that she was cheating on her boyfriend. i dont think i ever came harder down somebodies throat then right after she told me that. she was beautiful. we dont hang out anymore. wanna get lunch?


this was the song:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tgwFpMA61c

>>674816277
>>674816277
how soon is now?

>>674830109
cool i diddent know that. should be like that today also, maybe it will.

but watching how Trump is doing in USA gives me the chills lol.

>>674830021
>you say all this but it's evening on St Pattys day and you're on 4chan too. what's your problem?


Its st Paddys and it was 3 days ago

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>>674816277
solution is easy

>>674830218
>Why does it bother you that you don't feel as much? Is it how tiring going through the paces everyday that is bothering you? Why is it tiring?

It all feels like a funny joke at this point. I do actually find humor in very dark moments sometimes. We're basically just stardust that has become self aware, pretending we're not a part of the Universe, complaining that life has no meaning. Everything just feels like a chore.

Any good way to know if a therapist is good from the start? I saw a lot in my teen years, and I distinctly remember that most of them did not seem to say anything. I'm not looking for someone to vent to, but someone who understands this and can offer insight.

I'll keep looking for someone.

>>674831098
Yeah I've seen bad things about Trump in the media. I'm no American so I can't relate much.

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>>674830851
>i died after my girl left my life.
>i died
2spoopy4me

>>674831389
St Pattys weekend lol. Most people are either at festivals at the bars.

>>674829937

I have not managed to completely break free from porn
I did research it in different ways and experimented with stopping for longer periods of time.
After 3 weeks it gets extremely hard- because Im too horny to be able to pick up girls.

I guess the sweet spot is trying not to come for 2 weeks and try to get laid. And if that doesnt happen within the 2 weeks, just masturbate without porn.

Porn is very addictive though.

I have found that after 2 or 3 weeks of not masturbating at all, I feel like a beast, energised , not giving a fuck, being more social.
sure there are still up and down days, but they become more manageable and smoothed out.

Exercise, good diet enough rest, getting love and working towards meaningful goals are part of the recipe of a healthy and fulfilling life i guess.

>>674831926
Paddys*

>>674816277
I can help you real fast. Buy a stun gun and use it every time you feel nothing. You will feel something. I promise.

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If U can listen to this w/o bumming...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvo1ZE3_aMs

>>674823558
he is not crying for support, he asks on /b/ about a problem he has.

motivational speeches do nothing to depressed ones btw

>>674817752
>Everyone is dead inside
>We are just full of meaningless goals
>Your life on earth doesn't have any sense
>By admitting that you will, slowly, overcome

God damn. You are seriously fucked up. Try to seek help before you hurt somebody.

>>674818815
>melancholy of philosophy
What?

>>674831929
i didn't make this clear but the extent of my anhedonia includes my libido. i have always struggled to get hard when having sex, even if i take 30mg of cialis.

i will occasionally experience a higher-than-normal libido if i go a minimum of 6-7 weeks without fapping or looking at porn. but that lasts for a day at the most.

I have only once experienced a beast-like level of libido/social confidence, and that was when I took a whopping 2.5mg of adderall (was also drunk). i'd give an arm and a limb to feel like that every day.

but i will continue to avoid porn. i think it will get easier over time. but it should still be in moderation, even if that's a few times a year lol

>>674824504
>So much retarded
Yeah.

>>674826632
>turning devises off
What?

>>674827082
Oh jesus, here we go.

>>674833153

If you read more about porn addiction.
People that started watching streaming porn when they were young sometimes have so much damage done to their brains. It takes them literally months to recover and regain their libido. I think some cases will take 6 months.

It will definately change your life for the better to quit.

Well good luck brother, for sure you can get better.

>>674832679
I could listen to stuff like that for hours, it would help me fall asleep like white noise

>>674827849
Exactly what "issue" are we talking about?

>>674829043
>the numbness is a response to the oversensitivity
Fucking WHAT?

>>674833823
I'd assume he meant what I described, utter meaninglessness, little to no creativity or spirtual existentialism, that sort of thing. basically feeling like a self aware robot that has been programmed to do something that serves no purpose

>>674829937
>desensitization of dopamine receptors
Really? From porn? Really? You need to show me where you found this shit out. damn!

>>674833753
I started watching when I was 11, got high speed internet at 13, developed strange fetishes until I was about 20 then I put at a stop to it before the ball started rolling too quickly

I'd estimate i'd need to go cold turkey for 2-3 years to return to something resembling normal, and that includes my use of supplements/drugs that increase neuroplasticity and/or increase dopamine receptor densities

Good luck to you too man

>>674834226
Google "your brain on porn" and go to the first link. Last I checked that website was banned from 4chan (probably because /b/s traffic is mostly porn)

Some speculation, but backed up with hard science. There is an abundance of scholarly sources to back up the claims

>>674834226
Not him but I lurk for porn most of the day, I do it on mobile so I can do other shit during the day but I'd say I'm desensitized, I feel kinda lifeless after a long porn binge

Option 1: Become an alcoholic like Watts did & keep enjoying Maya.

Option 2: Follow the path to become a self realised being like Maharshi & Nisaragadatta.

>>674834972
Watts saw it as a game too, but I think he just got lost in it. But I respect his choices because he was aware of what he was getting himself into.

He told a story about a friend of his who wrote him something like this: "For me, I have now abandoned Satori altogether and try to get as attached to as many things as possible."

I'm not sure which one is right. For now I'm playing it safe and taking the latter of your two options. But that's not very enjoyable.

I feel this same way. I just turned 18 a few months ago and I feel like I am just going through the motions on a daily basis. I live my life(work at school, preparing for college) because thats what i'm supposed to do. I don't particularly enjoy it and as much as I try and motivate myself I find myself resorting back to this mindset.

The only things I have a reason to get excited/feel happy for is american football and video games, and both of those are quickly losing their enjoyment to me. I just started reading this thread but can someone offer advice to me please? I just don't want to feel this way anymore.

>>674836437
OP here

seriously skim through the posts, there is exceptional advice throughought this topic

also watch this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxId3acyzbc

one of the few people i've seen talk about this who actually seems to understand what it is like

>>674833031
kek

was thinking the same thing

>>674834820
Sheeeit. Porn does NOT have anything to do with dopamine receptors.

>>674833984
cmon you can find dictionaries online

>>674837723
rofl. what do you think sexual desire is mediated by? did you go to the website I mentioned?

>>674837762
I didn't write it, I quoted it.

>>674837810
Good luck with your problem.

>>674816277
you need psychedelic drugs in your life. shrooms, acid, or maybe dmt should fix you right up

>>674838841
Can't tell if you're being sarcastic. But thanks if you're not.

If you don't believe me, at the very least by quitting porn I will build iron willpower. I'm already unable to get addicted to anything (well...except technology/internet)

>>674839127
I've done DMT! It was an amazing experience, I experienced real ego death and saw impossible fractal patterns of immense complexity that were made of love.

I want to do psychedelics, my lack of emotions (and fear) means I can take heroic doses. BUT I don't know how to get my hands on them. People ITT have suggested darknets, I'll have to learn how. But I'm honestly scared of getting thrown in prison.