>>674598145
lurking

File: 08759c3340895d26434cdca6fb3bd21a.jpg (25 KB, 600x360) Image search: [Google]

25 KB, 600x360

>>674598145

>>674599705
kek

>>674598145
Here's a little story: a biologist, a chemist and a statistic all go deer hunting. Suddently a deer appears, so the biologist shoots but misses it a 1 meter on the right, then the chemist shoots but he misses 1 meter on the left, the deer runs away and the statistic yells "Yeah, we got it!".

Your mother is so fat the recursive function calculating her mass causes a stack overflow

Bumping because I need to figure out how to connect with these fucking dorks. I'm the only socially competent chemist in this entire goddamn company and it's infuriating.

File: images.jpg (13 KB, 223x226) Image search: [Google]

13 KB, 223x226

I fucking love this cat

2 chemists walk into a bar the first one said "I'll have some h2o" the second guy said " I'll have some h2o too". The second chemist died

>>674601675
Οld but Au
I'll kill myself later

>>674598145
kys

>>674601675
Took me a minute, but eventually kek'd.

>>674601675
This is good kek

Why did the cat fall off the roof?
Not enough Mu.

Hydrogen and Potassium went on a date
>It went OK

Q: Why did Cauchy stop walking his dog down the street?

A: He left a residue at every pole.

A countably infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first orders a glass of beer, the second orders a half glass, the third gets an eighth glass, and so on. After an hour of this the bartender gets fed up and pours two glasses of beer and says "Hey guys, know your limits."

>>674600555
trips Checked

A mathematician, an engineer, and a physicist check into a hotel. The night of their stay there is a fire. The engineer wakes up and puts out the fire in his section of the building with a fire extinguisher and then goes back to sleep. The physicist wakes up and calculates the exact amount of water needed to put out the fire and does so. The mathematician wakes up and starts creating a proof to put out the fire. Upon completing the proof he announces "A solution exists!", he then goes to sleep. The mathematician dies.

>>674603415
You had one job

"Knock knock"

>Who's there?

"A mathematician."

>A mathematician who?

The punchline is left as an exercise for the reader.

>>674604667
Also known as a plussy cat.

>>674605334
What? He KO'd her?

I don't have anything to contribute, but BUMP! This thread is gold. I've even stopped fapping.

Did you hear the one about the Statistician?

>Probably

I'll occasionally bump with a math joke, but many of the jokes I have heard before have been collected here: http://www.ams.org/notices/200501/fea-dundes.pdf

Those in the AMS have to have their fun too.

A neutron enters a bar.
>How much is the beer?
>No charge for you.

>>674605271
kek'd hard

>>674598145
Gabriel?

How do you get a Philosopher off your porch?

>Pay him for the pizza

What's the difference between a philosopher and an engineer?

>About $100,000 a year

>>674600555
That would be a statistician, I believe. Good joke, I keked heartily.

>>674605537
>plussy cat
My.
Nigga.

Two atoms leave a restaurant, one stops and says that he left one of his electrons behind.
"are you sure?" his buddy asks
"I'm positive" he replies

How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

>Two. One to hold the giraffe and one to fill the bathtub with brightly colored furniture

>>674598145
Do I know any jokes about sodium bromate?
NaBrO

Why didn't 4 like 5?

>Because he was odd

>>674598145
Which is the odd one out?
- a statistician
- a biologist
- a theoretical physicist
- a pepperoni pizza

> the physicist, because the others can feed a family of four

Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall,
Aleph-null bottles of beer,
You take one down, and pass it
around,
Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall.

>>674606966
It's funny because it's true

A mad psychologist kidnaps a physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician for an ethically questionable experiment. The psychologist locks each of his subjects in their own room with no way out and a can of beans and tells each that they will be in there for quite a bit of time, but if they can get the can open they will have enough food to survive the imprisonment.

When the experiment is over the mad psychologist opens all their cells. The engineer had violently thrown the can at the wall to open it and he has survived. The physicist had written on his cell well in blood the equations necessary to throw the can at the wall with the minimal amount of force required to break it. The mathematician had died, and written on the wall in blood was the following: "I need to open this can of beans to survive. Proof: Suppose not."

>>674608060

cell wall*

Three men are in a hot air balloon. They find themselves lost in a canyon. One of the men says, "I've got an idea. If we call for help in this canyon, the echo will carry our voices. Hopefully somebody will hear our cries for help."

The men agree it's the best chance they have , so they all shout out together, "HELLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOOO! WHERE ARE WE?"

Twenty minutes later, they hear an echoing voice say, "Hellloooooo! You're lost!!"

One of the men says, "That must have been a mathematician."

"How do you know that?" one of the other men asked.

"Because he took a long time to answer, he was absolutely correct, and his answer was thoroughly useless."

>>674606658
Top kek

>>674608389
I love this one.

Proof that all dogs have 9 legs:

>No dog has 5 legs.

>A dog has 4 more legs than no dog.

>All dogs have 9 legs.

A proof concerning Swiss cheese:

>Swiss cheese has holes.

>The more Swiss cheese you have, the more holes you have.

>The more holes you have, the less cheese you have.

>The more cheese you have, the less cheese you have.

What happens when three potassium atoms meet ?
>they start killing niggers

Q: What is the contour integral around Western Europe?

A: 0, all the Poles are in Eastern Europe.

File: Anime acids.jpg (32 KB, 399x401) Image search: [Google]

32 KB, 399x401

>>674606691
It's supposed to be a sodium hypobromite joke.

NaBrO3 is sodium bromate.

>>674603415
this is why we cant have nice things

>>674609118
max kek

Hitler learns topology: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SyD4p8_y8Kw

The names open and closed are quite enfuriating, but you learn to get over it. On that note...


Q: What do you call a set that is neither open or closed?

A: Ajar.

>>674609918
mfw no kawai phenylalanine waifu

What does the "B" in Benoit B. Mandelbrot stand for?

>Benoit B. Mandelbrot

>>674609918
Anime-acid?

>>674610701
Anime acids are superior to other waifus cuz they can literally bond with you

>>674611084
but once they get hot their bonds start breaking
>no sexy time

>>674609918
I will never think of phenylalanine the same way again.

>>674611419
Me too

>>674611419
That awkward moment when you have Phenyl Ketone Urea and can't eat her out

>>674612191
Such a sad life.

File: Dank molecule.png (82 KB, 394x455) Image search: [Google]

82 KB, 394x455

Someone once posted a gargantuesque molecule name that was supposed to be a dank meme.
For shits and giggles I went on drawing it on a 3D
molecule modeling software but I unfortunately lost the name. It ended with "octamethylcyclotetrasiloxane", if anyone can find it.

File: 1443511383416.jpg (121 KB, 486x309) Image search: [Google]

121 KB, 486x309

>>674605477
every fucking time

>>674612622
Don't know what you're talking about, but have this molecule. It's very stable and safe, I promise.

File: Pentazenium.png (12 KB, 692x264) Image search: [Google]

12 KB, 692x264

>>674613089
Fuck.

>>674613089
Not stable at all, even the name was wrong, I had to cheat a little to make this. I take requests too.

>>674613146
My penis only grows in presence of azides.

>>674613438
I was talking about this (>>674613146). I forgot to reattach the image after reCAPTCHA glitched out and I had to reload the thread.

But yeah, both of them are unstable.

>>674606358
TAKE ALL MY KEKS

Q: What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito?

A: You can't cross a vector and a scalar.

>>674614148
kek

Q. What is the name of 007's eskimo cousin ?

A. Polar Bond

How can math be real if our ln(-1)/π's aren't real?

File: maxresdefault.jpg (79 KB, 1252x1080) Image search: [Google]

79 KB, 1252x1080

>>674614714