>>674346985
My uncle Ben used to fuck my tight little asshole when i was only 8.

My aunt used to make me fuck her when I was 8 yrs old. She would take me into the bathroom and one time when we slept in the same bed I woke up to me in top of her

I jerk off to this now and I don't feel bad about that. I have never told anyone about this because I don't want to ruin our family. She is my dad's step sister from another father

My grandfather used to make me blow him when I was 8

I lost my virginity to my cousin. Only her and me know about it. I feel a bit weird about it, but she was really into it. This happened about 3 years ago.

God fucking damn, what is it with eight year olds

>>674347806
greentext?

I have cross dressed fully and had a shot with 2 lesbians

When i was younger me and my mom would ride the dryer.

>>674348103
>ride the dryer
wtf does that mean

>>674348103
would u moan and stuff? anything else like that? Did she cum?

>>674348250
Are you retarded

>>674348250
Wtf fam. You stupid or something?

Ive stolen 5 bras

>>674348263
Nah sounds worse then when it is. Like if there was a lot of cloths in it it'd hop around. So had to keep it from jumping so much.

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Here's mine. I have a couple.

>>674348423
>"rides the dryer" with his own mom
>asks if other people are retarded

???

>>674348681
kek

>>674348681
Fam do you not understand?

>>674348423
Bro for all I know he and his mom brought this dryer to the top of a hill and rode it down
Unless the OP is a girl and they used the vibrating to get off or some shit

>>674347922
On phone so really don't feel like typing it out. But tl;dr is:
>shes a year older
>invited me over to watch LOTR since i told her i havent seen it yet
>she offers me some home made booze
>we both get a bit tipsy
>she starts getting handsy
>rubbing my shoulders and breathing on my neck
>i lead her hand on my junk and she quickly undoes my belt and zipper and starts giving me a handjob
>i lay back on the couch and she moves up on me
>puts a condom on me and mounts me
>shes taller and bigger than me so cowgirl is really uncomfterable
>i tell her to get off and go bend over the pool table in the living room
>we doggy until i say im close to cumming
>she pulls me out and puts it in she mouth
>she takes the condom off with her mouth and i jizz on her tanktop
>she then stuff the condom in her mouth and finishes herself off
>she then went to take a shower and i went back on the couch
>10 mins later she comes back in her pjs and we continue watching the movie

We hooked up a couple more times, basically whenever her parents were out I would come over.

Let pedo neighbor dress me in his daughters cloths and fuck me on her bed when I was 11. Would cum in my ass whispering his daughters name. Loved it also sucked his cock a lot and ate his ass. Ended up craving his cum weekly

>>674349374
got any pics? and how old were you guys when you did this?

>>674349374
>3 years ago
> haven't seen lotr

My cousin had a thing for being dominant with her feet, and would always dare me to smell them. Or lick the bottoms of her feet.

Over the last year I very carefully made my wife grow close to one of her professors. When she needed help on a topic i encouraged to text him, or go to office hours. They began texting every day, neither of them knowing that j knew. I then carefully watched his movements and learned his Friday ight and Saturday night hang out spots. I would take my wife there, get her drunk, and then have to leave on a "work emergency. I would offer to drive her home, but she knew her professor was there, and would just say "no. I'll find a taxi". After a few times of that, she didn't come home one night. The next morning she told me she got a hotel, she was too drunk to go anywhere. I have all of her iMessages sent to my phone. They have been fucking for months now, "behind my back" and they "love each other" next week I come forward with all the pics and messaging proof. She isn't financially stable to be on her own, and he is married. I'm going to blackmail him (he is loaded) and she is going to be my slave bitch until I grow tired of her.

I have a very good friend i used to fuck (he got a gf and i got a bf so of course we stopped) our "relationship" was very complex.. it was more like it was always the wrong time or that we didnt want to fuck up our friendship.

Well lately his girlfriend has been getting rather friendly with me on fb. I was vhattong with her about my bf when she told me she used to be so jealous of me because im so pretty and that she was worried about her bf hanging out with me. Its clear she doesnt know we actually HAD a history and i know my friend pretty well. I love him to death but i dont feel hes honest or faithful to her. Shes super sweet and many times im tempted to tell her what me and her bf had together but i fear my friend might get pissed at me.
Ive known him for years and shes been with him for 2 years and he was still fucking ke at the begining of those 2 years at that time.


So...basically im tempted to tell her what a scumbag i know her bf is but hes still my buddy and we have a long history behind us...im conflicted

I masturbated and came in the middle of class

I post banana pics in YLYL threads.

>>674350116
No pics, but when this started happening I just turned 15 and she was about a month away from 17.

>>674350891
Solid plan bro, let's us know how it goes

>>674351361
You monster!

I just realized that I have a little alien growing inside of me. I already dislike it for making me feel fat.

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>>674346985
I am the liquor

My mom knows exactly what they did and won't tell me. She's in lots of trouble.

>>674351746
Oh I know it's gonna go great.
His wife is a feminist cunt, and he has two kids, both of which go to the best catholic school in the region. If doesn't comply his life is over.

As for her, she had a year long affair while I was in Afghanistan, and I decided divorce was too easy and good for her. Even better, since she cares about this dick bag, she will do anything to keep me from ruining his life, so she will
Have to listen to what I say. Honestly I don't see how this could go wrong. Famous last words, I know.

>>674352060

You should abort it.

>>674352240
do you think it's bad if I don't tell my BF and just get rid of it?

>>674352585
Whatever. Fuck him. If you don't want his kid, that's your prerogative.

>>674352585

Maybe you'll get lucky and die in a car crash.

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>>674351100
>fuck over long time friend/fuckboy/someone you possibly trust
>don't fuck the over

Pick one

mfw who asked you to be the messenger

>>674352585
Practice safe bonergaragingitup next time so you don't have to murder a kid so you still feel pretty.

>>674352765
lol
Thanks!
I hope that too

>>674352585
Abort it. Don't tell him.
Let time pass, then when he's balls deep and about to cum blurt out that you aborted his child and laugh. Then leave him.

>>674350419
Underrated post

My mom caught me masturbating in the middle of the night because she heard "strange noises".

>>674352164
I am impressed my friend. I wish you the best. Make sure all the proof you have is solid.

>>674352837
Well i remember how hurt i was at the time i was into him and his gf seems really nice and so clueless. I just feel like she doesnt deserve it

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>>674350891
Wait a second, are you sure this professor is rich? He is only a teacher.
Also I'm going to need to see your wife

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>>674346985
Fuck off jim

>>674348250
Virgin beta

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>>674354111
His house is a three story Victorian. i won't say his area of study, but he does consultation work once a week for 5 figures each job. The teaching is just while he works on his dissertation and raises his kids because his feminist wife refuses to help.

Only pic I'll give. I won't risk a year of setup being ruined by some asshole on here because they think it's funny

>>674350014
moar details

>>674353939
Thank you. And it is. No only is it screens of texts, I have save phone records. A few videos of them doing the deed. Exchanged pictures. I'm set

>>674354693
Godspeed sir
>Dat ass

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>>674355206
It's ok. She has kinda let herself go

3 weeks ago i had a fight with my gf for tecnically nothing and we "broke up"
Fine... 2 weeks ago i got her back.
When we "broke up" she asked her female friend about what to do (By the time, i wasn't able to communicate with her propperly because she didn't had internet access) And guess what she told her... She told her that she made the right choice and that she should befriend his ex again to see if something "comes up" and left me like a pretentious fucker (looks like i'm not "good for her" in her mind).
Because of that fucking bitch she began to speak with him again... AND I REALLY FUCKING HATE HIM. SHE KNOWS IT. And she always tell me that i shouldn't worry about that because he's just a friend now and i'm everything she wants.
Sadly... i can't believe that the way i did before we had that problem (but i do)
I also looked for my ex when that happened and
For what i now (My girlfriend always tells me everything... she told me about the thing her friend said and now she kind of hate her) and for what happened with my ex and i, i can tell that we're fine.
Why? Because it's almost obvious that we did the same thing.
We searched for them, we spoke with them, we tried to see if something could come up and then we realized that they are and always should be just friends...
My secret? I made her hate her... i kind of brainwashed her for my benefit since we began our relationship and here are the results...

I'm currently editing out names and other sensitive info from some of their texts if anyone wants to see some of the stuff I've gathered

>>674355902
I do

>>674355998
Ok on it. Gimme 5 minutes

>Male here. As a kid I was super fucking gay.
>Would wear my moms bra and panties when she showered
>she'd always be like "why is my underwear stretched out"
>Would do gay shit like play a game with my cousin. Would kiss each other's butts and look at each others butts.
>Played games that involved pulling our pants down.
>Got older, only looked at straight shit. Other than anime still watched a lil hentai with dicks, but for the most part no real dicks.
>Get a girlfriend. Lose my virginity at 16. Pretty fuckin rad.
>Am 19 in community college.
>Feel like a failure. Start looking at more trap, crossdressing, cuck porn.
>Move away from girlfriend.
>Put ad on craigslist. Invites guy over, to suck his dick.
>Totally comes over.
>Suck dick in parents bed cus I dont wana remember my bed as the bed I sucked cock in.
>Suck his dick, he keeps trying to finger my ass but I don't want it.
>Continue?

>>674356480
Continue.

>>674356480
>Continue?
Please don't

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These aren't in any particular order

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More of the slut

>>674355341
MOAR

>>674356916
hoooooly shit dude your wife sounds like an autist

>>674356480
>>674356627
>I suck him off and he cums in my mouth.
>Get bummed out his load is so fucking small.
>Smoke some weed. Proceed to spend the rest of the weekend crying thinking i've got aids.
>Look up every symptom of aids. Become aids expert.
>Call expert hotline for people with aids but it turns out that line is meant for doctors.
>Don't jerk off.
>Start overdosing on anti anxiety medicine.
>Watch Piercy Jackson air endlessly on cartoon network.
>Literally watched that fucking movie like 20 times.
>Keep crying. Parents think it's weird.
>Can't watch anything but Victorious and ICARLY for the next four months.
>Lose like 30 pounds.

>>674346985
I blew my big bro more than once

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>>674357108
A what lol

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>>674357166
?

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>>674357078

>>674356916
I'm not sure who is more cringe, but anon why does your wife talk like a fedorafag and why does this professor talk like a chad?

>>674357444
Because he is a fucking chose and my wife is trying to impress him.

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>>674347108
Did he make you rice dinner after that?

>>674357113
>Go to a special eye doctor which apparently "Cured" my cousin of cancer.
>Get better. Grow hair super long. Grow kinda effeminate.
>still see gf every once and a while.
>She freaks when i tell her.
>We still keep dating but our relationship strained.
>Rebuild relationship while rebuilding my mental state after crazy year depression.
>Everything gets better.
>Uh oh want to suck off another guy again.
>It's been two years since the incident.
>Ask girlfriend for permission because I can't not do it.
>She dresses me up in panties and her make up all the time so she not surprised.

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sometimes when I'm jerking off, i rub ice cubes in my butthole

I had sex with my sister when we were very young. Would you lot like the story?

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>>674346985
I banged this girl, knowing she had a husband, because she was a dirty slut who modded my twitch channel. My girlfriend was down with it, so I fucked her until she couldn't walk properly.

>>674357786
oui sno4

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One of the photos she sent him

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>>674357949

>>674350419
Kek

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>>674357949
Here's tits of said girl

>>674358126
I can see why you dont care for her, I would get pissed about roast beef every night too

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>>674358465
Lolol
Another one

>>674355902
Si

>>674357305
:)

I post my ex's nudes on this site consistently in hopes they will reach her and she'll lose her job

>>674358811
Then please elaborate

>>674355341
So are you some kind of psychopath? Fucking kill yourself you worthless piece of shit

>>674357996
>She was about seven and I was about nine.
>It started when we made a den together in the garden and she asked if we could show each other our bits.
>We did.
>felt kinda of heat hot inside. Difficult feelings.didn't understand. Bonered.
>She ran her hand along my little boner. Had shaking feeling, felt like orgasm with no cum cos of age.
>fast forward a couple of days.
>"Can we camp in den Mum?"

contd?

My mom's friend tried to finger me in the back of my mom's car.

>>674358956
That's an extreme reaction. And unjustified, if I do say so myself

>>674352164
Post her nudes bro

>>674359176
Already have

>>674356916
Lady issue?
Fret not? The fuck.

>>674350891
>professor
>rich

I'll enjoy the moment when you find out how academia works

>>674359112
But I mean you try this shit, your wife may just kill you in your sleep. I would want nothing to do with her, extort the money out of the professor, and try and find a better woman. While yes you may have money and a human slave, you will quickly find that there is something lacking in your life and come to regret it as you grow older. In short
>Go on take the money and run

>>674359112
It's not. You don't treat people like toys. People have feelings like you and don't deserve to be manipulated so you can feel like you finally have control over something.

>>674357444
My thoughts exactly.

>>674359389
Read my other posts dumdum

>>674359464
You're boring

I once unwrapped my Christmas presents... Early

>>674359735
kys

>>674359450
That a good point, and something I've thought about. It might be best to get what I can and cut ties

>>674359039
Contd.
>"Yeah, no probs little anons"
>Joke around, tell stories etc in den.
>Starts to get dark and parents are in bed.
>Sister says shes cold
>"Can we cuddle up Anon?"
>"Ok"
>Cuddle for a bit then......
>"Anon can you touch my pussy? It wants you to touch it, I can feel it, it's telling me."

>>674359843
kys lol xD

>>674358947
we didnt have much money as kids so our house was small and we had to share a room.
He used to 'get bored' I guess and just jack off while I was trying to sleep and one night he begged me to help him out
I wasnt going to lose my virginity to my brother but I was curious so I offered to give him head instead and he said itd do
It was kinda fun in a naughty way so I kept it up every now and then but put a stop to it when he came in my mouth one time, that was gross
He would sometimes touch me while I was going down on him, that was fine

>>674360071
continue..

>>674359989
I've been through this situation anon. Fuck that bitch. Move on. She's a selfish cunt.

>>674360200
le edge xDDDDD

only with my long term gf because we're currently renovating the house and it'd be too much hassle to break up with her during.

Last week I made out with a friend and fingered her on her couch, we're both in other relationships

>>674360319
How long ago was this? How old were you

>>674360381
Yeah but I want her to hurt :(

>>674360619
I was 14, he was 16, so 7 years ago I guess. He's passed away now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8eYJU3Zu1M

i'm the guy in the video and i got laid by two hot asian girls after this

>>674360772
Sorry to hear. Did he ever repay the favor? We will need pics of you

>>674346985
> ones that give me a boner

I used to babysit 2 autistic kids, a boy (5) and girl (7). No interest in boys, so I left him alone, but I jacked off on the girl's face while she was sleeping.

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>>674360893
>sorry your brother died
>post nudes
this fucking website

>>674360071
>>674360071
>"What do you want me to do little sis?"
>"it aches can you rub it for me?"
>okay
>massage pussy for a bit. No idea what I'm doing.
>her hand goes down my tracksuit bottoms.
>"make it go big for me anon"
>little peen now hard as nails
>she starts squeezing it and wriggling
>"are you enjoying that"
>"mmm feels good anon."

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>>674356480
> suck dick in parents bed cus I dont wanna do it in my bed

>>674361102
this is the fakest shit ever
also you're a pedo

>>674361044
In all fairness, she literally just said she only stopped blowing her brother because she doesn't like cum in her mouth, so this convo was already fucked

this is assuming you're an old pedo and you like boys.

>be me in 6-7th grade spanish
>sitting in desk all the way to the left of rows
>wedge binder to the right of me and stick my left hand in pants
>start jerking
>spit on my hand every now and then while teacher is in front of whole class, lights on, 20+ kids in there
>start getting close
>cum quietly into my school shorts
>i did this probably 5-6 times within 2 months.

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This website has taught me to never have children.

>>674351361
Fuck you faggot

>>674361102
>Sis says "Can you put your willy up my pussy hole?"
>"Why?"
>"I think it will feel good. I want to feel it up there."
>Pull down her pink leggings to reveal a little puffy mound.
>not sure where it goes
>"hole looks a bit small sis. Not sure this will work".

>>674360723
If you want her to hurt, just say fuck the money and send all the shit to the man's wife and dump her. If you want to make money, blackmail him and dump her. If you try to do both, it might go on for a while, but it will probably lead you to a place that you really dont want to go. Whether that be prison for blackmail, or hell when one of them kills you.
Or you can just cut your losses and dump her without seeking revenge or greed. I'm not going to tell you whether its a good thing or not to try and get money or hurt the person that hurt you. Coming from a guy studying risk analysis, you should consider what you are willing to lose in your pursuit of revenge, and what you are willing to risk. Whether that be your freedom, your life, your conscious, or any combination of the three.

>>674352585
Earth is overpopulated.
>Save the planet; have an abortion.
inb4 "That's not how you greentext fag"
>I thought it would look nice.

>>674361723
>Asks me to open the sides apart.
>Can see the open hole now.
>push peen in.
>feels amazing, really warm and muscle grip on
>both wriggle around a lot not knowing what doing just feels good.

Contd

>>674347108
are you spiderman? if so was the relationship consenstual? as Peter Parker's grief for Uncle B seemed pretty genuine.

>>674362085
I'm mostly fine with that.
The last two years (since her first affair) I've found little to no pleasure in anything. Maybe it's because I'm obsessed with revenge. Maybe it that while she was cheating, my platoon sgt was raping me one or twice a week (he's in jail now). Either way, I don't think jail or feeling guilty forever with make me feel worse

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>>674357444
Trips checked!
Rolling for dubs!

>>674350891
masterplan.

my mom's friend tried to finger me in the back of her car.

>>674362932
Go on

>>674363018

its a meme you faggot.

Quads

>>674363132
Rude

>>674362269
>After a few minutes of wriggling about Anons sister comes in with a shocker.
>"Anon, I want to feel it up my poo hole. Can you put it up my bum, I promise I won't poop."
>"isn't that abit yukky sis?"
>"i want to feel the big willy up there"
>"okay but don't poop"
>take wet peen out of pussy and it makes a pop sound.
>push on anal opening. Cock slips up as wet from pussy. Found the pushing in motion felt real good. Start to push dick in and out of her butt hole. She is absolutely loving it telling me to "push it right in.

Contd

This is one I haven't ever told anyone....One time I accidentally fed my girlfriends hymen to my dog

>>674360878
Top kek

>>674355341
dis your wife?

>>674346985
>Preferably ones that will give me a boner

I posted a lot of those "post girls you want to see in a gangbang with niggers" threads. In fact I pretty much invented those threads.

>>674363313
Yeah
Well, that's her ass

>be 10
>have huge shit fetish
>take a massive shit
>pick up the log
>take a bite out of it
>dont have a shit fetish anymore

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>>674363514

>>674359245
One more then? I've been party to blackmail myself. I'm seriously interested in how this goes and to see if I could pull off a similar plan?

Kik maybe?

>>674357113
last 4-5 lines were hysterical, your not so bad for a raging faggot.

>>674351100

not this shit again. Fuck off.

>>674346985
I started the shockwaves buzzword that sometimes appears in dark souls threads. One of my most greatest achievements to date on this shithole site.

>>674363683
There are about 10 in this thread I've posted. And I won't post any personal info here, but you can post yours and I'll contact yoi

I am question guy.

>>674362559
But I sincerely doubt that you will be able to achieve high levels of revenge and high levels of money at the same time. If that guy is rich, he can afford to have you silenced. Whether that be through a hitman or hiring someone to plant illegal content on your computer and have you get raped every day for the rest of your life in prison. Maximum revenge is sending that to his wife and then posting all of the juicy things onto facebook and tagging your wife, him, and the school or something in the post. It will let her be shown as the whore she is as well as him being shown as a terrible man and an insult to the school.

Or you could just dump the bitch and blackmail him, not as revenge fueled as the other, but then you can get your life together with the added cash. Or probably waste it on liquor and whores due to the pent up emotional/psychological problems that you probably have.

I ended up showing a picture of me with my friend's penis in my mouth to a class full of my peers, if there is interest I will green text it

lost my virginity to my father.

>>674363215
>so there we are face to face
>having anal sex and not even realising what we where doing.
>she grabbed me and pulled me deep in as far as I could go and screwed her face up and let out a funny little noise.
>thought I'd hurt her
>are you okay sis"??
>"yeah just had a super feeling in my body"
We continued to do this for about a year or so. I guess looking back she might have known more about what she was doing than I did.

>>674364009
YES!!!!

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Pretty sure I post pic related more than anyone else on the site for the past few years.

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>>674351100
Damn. Choosing between morality and friendship. Maybe get your friend to tell her.

>>674363944
I do like the idea of public humiliation. I don't really need his money, I'm pretty well off by myself. Thanks for the insight man

On /r9k/ I often claim to be like them but the truth is that I have had sex a few times. Just not as much as I would like :(

>>674363841
splooshytoo = kik name

>>674363944

Revenge can be really cheap sometimes, like sending that to his wife and putting his stuff on Facebook.

>>674364092
Alright here goes
>Be a total faggot
>Kept an album of pictures I took of me fucking with my friend at a sleep over
>Like when I put some cat feces on his face and made it looks like a mustache ect
>So plan a next level prank
>Something that will make him look really gay and may get me a few points
>I thought what else is gayer than having your penis in someone's mouth
>So I waited until he was out (he slept like a rock)
>I took out my camera
>Pulled down his pants
>Put his penis in my mouth
>Gave a thumbs up
>Pulled out the camera and took the picture
He slept through all of it.
Cont?

>>674364282
Anytime. Thanks for your service, if you go for public humiliation, you should make a thread or something when you do it. If you play your cards right, you might also be able to sue for alienation of affection if its still a thing in your state. Only Hawaii, North Carolina, Mississippi, New Mexico, South Dakota, and Utah still have it, but if one of those states is where you live, go for it after the humiliation.

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Last one of her

I'm 22, my dad lives with his girlfriend and I see him a few times a week because he lives close, his gf has a 15 year old daughter that's an annoying shit but she has a friend the same age that comes over all the time because of after school sports. She's hot as fuck, over the past 6 months I've been talking to them more and dropping very subtle things to get her attention. About 2 months ago I started using snapchat around them a lot and she asked me to add her on snapchat so I did. Snapped her periodically and she sent me one with her number and said text me with a wink emoji so I did. We texted a lot and I slowly steered the convo to more personal matters. I forgot to add I have an 18 yo gf myself who has no idea about this at all. Well about 3 weeks after we started texting it was her 16th birthday and she was having a party at her house and her parents weren't going to be there so my dad asked me if I would take my "step sister" and kind of keep an eye on the bday party as the responsible adult I am, I gladly obliged. So I drive there with her at around 8:45 and we get there and do all the lame shit kids do for a while until the girls wanted to watch a movie outside on the projector thing they had set up so I went out and laid down on the grass behind all of the girls. Cont?

>>674364757
lolololol, thats so funny and original. Maybe they should put that in an episode of southpark or something.

>>674364757
gtfo cartman

>>674364778
Well we were married in Hawaii. But that's about it. I'll definantly make a thread. I'll want to share every moment

>>674364319

Better to have loved and lost, amirite?

>>674364282
>>674363944

>hitman or CP
technically a risk, but more as a last-ditch effort on his part. He'll want to get out in other ways. Set up a dead mans switch so that if something happens to you all the incriminating evidence is released. Prove to him that you have it in place. He wont take the risk, since it'd make him the prime suspect in anything.

I'd personally take it out on the wife and leave him guessing. let him know you're not done with him and then just dont make contact for a while. Let him broil a bit in the fear and regret of it all.

I'd focus on either revenge or profit, and anything you achieve of the other is an added bonus.

>>674362417
There was actually an issue in the Spiderman series that implied Uncle Ben molested Peter Parker.

Which seems like a weird plot twist considering everything else about Spiderman. But whatever. At least they never mentioned it again.

>>674346985
I'm pretty close friends with someone famous but she doesn't know that I know she's famous

I'm guessing she misses doing normie shit, today we went for a long ass walk and hung out at a mom and pop bookstore.

>>674364901
>Cont?
of fucking course

>>674364952
You could go full freaky with this and blackmail him anonymously using for. Show him the evidence and tell him it will be released unless he pays you in bitcoin.

>get bitcoin
>have that secret stash of money if you ever need it
>release the proof anyways

>>674365045
Revenge first. He was just a tool in all this. Driving her to suicide or a mental break down has top priority. I'm writing all this while she lays next to me in our bed. It'd be so easy to fucking choke her. Claim I had a ptsd dream. A bad episode. I didn't realize until I woke up in the morning. Sigh.

>>674365042
Nah I don't really care for love. I'm pretty much just a stereotypical pervert. I wish I got better quality women. I want to fuck hotties. Not average at bests.

had sex with my youngest sister. im incest fiend now.

>>674364901
Yes

>>674364901
We watched that stupid identity thief movie and I hated it but they thought all the profanity was hilarious. Idiots. Her parents left money for pizza so I said I would go get it and the bday girl wanted to go with me to make sure I didn't keep the money because they wanted change, obliged happily once again. We get in my car and start driving to dominos for pitza and we're just talking and whatever. She told me she wanted to come to ask me if I would buy them boones farms wine cooler shit for the party and I said no because I knew someone would get caught and I didn't want to risk with all the other kids, I had Smirnoff watermelon in my car from a party months earlier that I didn't want to drink because it's nasty so I said she could have some of that but had to drink it before we got back. We got the pizza and soda and shit and got back in my car. She pounded down a good amount of it and chased t with soda. We got closer to the house and I was smoking a cig and she asked if she could try it so I let her and she hated it and coughed a lot and said she was dizzy and rested her head on my shoulder. I drank a bit of it too because fuck this kid party shit I'm drinking. Took the long way and by the time we got back she was basically clinging to me and laughing and talking a lot like a lightweight kid. I was about to open my door and she said wait and looked at me and asked if I was going to leave after pizza, I leaned in and kissed her and she like backed up and acted startled, hen gave me a kiss right back and smiled and we went back to the party. Night was normal from then on. Cont.

>>674365604
Keep er going cunt

When I was 16ish I took the v of 3 of my sisters 11-12yo friends, then was also fuck buddies with them, 1 more so than the other 2. Already had given them oral quite a few times before.

>>674365404
yeah, you want a dead mans switch. Always good to have insurance.

encrypt files with secure key, upload to multiple public locations. Provide the key to the professor and your wife so they can verify that it's there.

Set up the switch so that links to all sources are emailed out along with the key to a huge pile of relevant people if you don't check in every week or so.

Make sure you only reset the timer on the switch from a secure computer. The last thing you need is to be taken down by a keylogger.

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>>674350891
if that's true you have my respect *claps*.

>>674365790
I'm writing all of this down lol

>>674353168
Nigga you got issues.

>>674365102
If she's famous why wouldn't you know she's famous?

>>674365910
also handy if you ever feel like becoming a political dissident or running wikileaks

>>674365821
I provided text proof

>>674365604
2 days later she texted me all sad and asked me to pick her up from her friends house and said they were fighting and she had no way home, it was almost midnight. I said ok and drove to the place she gave me directions to. I pull up and she's sitting on the curb crying and she runs to my car and jumps in. She like jumped on me and hugged me and cried for a bit and I tried calming her down. She stopped crying and just was resting on me like before and I started driving to her house but she asked if we could go on a drive for a bit so she could calm down and make sure her parents were asleep for sure so she could sneak in. Drove around for a bit and parked at a cool place I used to go as a teenager down by the river. She asked if I had the vodka still and I gave it to her and she drank a lot of it over the next hour of us sitting and talking. She was pretty drunk at this point and acting stupid but started talking about sex, she asked me about my experience and I shared. She then told me she had tried with a guy but he couldn't get a condom on and lost his boner before he could stick it in. I laughed and she said it was disappointing. She then asked if I ever had that problem and I said no of course not, I know what I want and I know how to get it. She asked if I would ever be interested in her and I said yea I think you're cute and fun, I was a bit tipsy too.
Cont

>>674365102
ooo please tell.

>>674366062
How do you know all of this just curious

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am dog :3

popularized those threads that go
>post girls and other anons say what kind of porn they should do

been pushing that meme a ton in random threads about girls until it finally caught on into becoming recurring threads/posts from others.

>>674366127
Yes

Okay you guys hated my first story, how about the time I got my teacher Ms.Ellen labeled as an Iraqi criminal and she accidentally killed one of my friends

>>674366163
Hannah Montana is the only one I can think of that fits this

>>674366174
security is a hobby of mine. It never hurts to have insurance.

>>674366055
So you know every single famous person? That's an insane expectation.

>>674366314
lol

>>674366127
moresally more.

How about the time I discovered what Tourettes syndrome is and faked it to get away with swearing

somebody in my school signed a student up to al qaeda or some kind of jihadi movement with all of his details and the U.S government genuinely got in contact with our school, bearing in mind we are britbongs.

>>674346985
I killed my niece when I let her drown

>>674366393
Nah, but I definitely feel like you're in your twenties or early 30s right? and so is your friend, I suspect. So it's really hard to sort of keep your fame hidden these days, unless she's like an author or some shit

>>674366626

damn dude what happened to both of them i'd kill someone for doing that to me

>>674366127
This time she leaned in for a kiss and started doing that teenage girl awful making out shit and I stopped her and kind of showed her how to do it better. We made out for a bit and my Pepe was like a hotdog you microwaved for too long and was splitting at the seams. She asked if I wanted to go farther with her and I hesitated and thought about it for a minute while she just looked at me. I said yes and told her to take her shirt off and she said she only would if I took my shirt and shorts off. I happily obliged again. As soon as I did she could see my dick rock hard in my briefs. I wear them tight, she started rubbing it through my underwear and I told her to take her shirt off so she did, left the bra on. I told her to take it off too and she said if she could see my dick. Pulled down my briefs and she took her bra off and started doing that dry jerk thing that just hurts. I have a truck with the canopy on and a bed in the back for camping and I led her to the back and we laid down. She got completely naked and so did I. Turned on my camping light and she was shy and covering up. I laid her down and started touching her all over. Basically at this point I was in primal mode and thinking only with my dick and her perfect body that hadn't been ruined yet. I did my usual shit, licking her nipples and biting her ear while rubbing her clit, worked up to blasting it while she freaked out. Then she asked if I had condoms and I said yes so I grabbed it out of my glove box and ran back to the back. Cont

See my quints and weep faggots

>>674366666

>>674366604
And then you realized that what you did was Hollywoos portrayal or Tourettes and not the real thing. LOL Apparently everyone around you was just as stupid.

>>674366163
uhh not much to tell honestly. We met at a bar, I was pretty tipsy and complimented her on her coat. She complimented me on my style also. I asked her where is her accent from because she didnt sound like she was around here. She sat beside me at the bar and we just kinda became pretty cool with eachother. We started talking about music and later she took me to these random peoples houses that are vinyl collectors and have 10's of thousands of records for sale.

We exchanged phone numbers and text all the time. About a week ago she started venting saying that someone she thought she was getting close to actually just wanted to use her as a source for their dissertation and she felt betrayed. I googled her name when I got home and was blown away.

>>674366777
the kid who got signed up didn't get in any trouble because he had no knowledge of it, but i think it was a couple of guys 1-2 years older than me who got suspended for a week or so. I think the whoever got in touch with the school from the U.S calmed down when they realised it was just a prank, but i'd imagine they'd take it quite seriously because there is a lot of homegrown terrorism in the U.K.

>>674366793
Y

>>674366793
yes ofc

Sometimes when me and my ex would take naps I would finger her so when she wakes up she'd be honey and we'd fuck every time

>>674366732
I'm in my late 20's shes in her 30s (how you guessed that is kinda crazy) but I guess you are right, she used to be famous and has been out of the limelight for awhile so I guess saying she IS famous was kinda misleading.

>>674366924
my friend did call me on it, and he got sent to some group therapy and had to apologize to the group then me for being disrespectful.

Fucker phoned in the apology so I called him on it, and made him say it again, pretending to have a tick I talked about pissing onto his mother's face

>>674366998
So she's in music, Give us an ethnicity or country of origin to work with at least. It's a pretty cool story though, thank's for sharing.

i pooped blood this morning.

>>674367249
It's fuckin' Shakira. If right plz plz confirm, im pretty sure i can feel it though.

>>674367029
>someone tries to get someone sent to prison for decades
>prank

you have a weird definition of prank

>>674350891

post on /b/ again if you're done dude

>>674367478
yup, you nailed it

>>674366793
I climbed back in and she dimmed the light quite a bit because she was shy, I had been giggling at her faces she was making while I was rubbing her clit but only because I knew she had never experienced something like that. So she said she wanted me to be her real first time and asked if I wanted to do that and asked if I was worried about the age difference. Mind told me not to but I shut my brain off. I put the condom on and got on top of her and started rubbing her pussy with my tip and she was telling me to go slow because I have a pretty decent sized dick, nothing massive but I've never disappointed anyone, I'm 6'6 265 pretty cut, was a linebacker and continue to excersize regularly. I was kissing her neck and nibbling her ear and she was breathing really heavy and said to just go ahead. I started sticking it in but it was a tight squeeze, finally got in a few inches and she was kind of wincing but said keep going. I pulled out for a second and just ripped the condom off with one hand but didn't say anything about it. She asked why I stopped and I said I was shifting my position to a better angle, lie. Stuck it in raw dog and after a few minutes of slowly pumping she was moaning a bit so I started going faster. After about 15 minutes I started slamming like I usually do and she was clinging to me like a face hugger. I still remember it as if it happened last night. I told her I was going to cum and she said yes, I came inside her because I was blinded by pleasure. She asked what happened and I acted all freaked out like the condom broke, blamed it on my large wiener. She said it was ok she had plan b pills from a friend. We slept there together for the night naked and just talked. Here's where shit gets kind of weird. Cont

>>674367249
There are certain speech (written or spoken) patterns that millennials are more likely to use, also it's unlikely you'd be a large age difference if you've become friends recently, which would have to be the case if she doesn't know you're aware of her fame.

>out of the limelight
Ahh alright, that does make more sense. Well it still must be pretty cool knowing a famous chick, you should fuck her!

I have a dress shoe fetish

I'm a girl and I jack off to catchy anime music and bubblegum pop

i killed a cat when i was kid for no reason.

still haunts me to this day.

>>674367617
What lol? You mean when I do it?

>>674350891
What a champion

>>674367593
just kids messin' about though, the minute they got a look at the kid and learnt a bit about him or spoke with him, they'd realise he wasn't going off to a training camp anytime soon.

>>674367669
Cont

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I fap to my sister
>pic related

I fingered my friend whilst she slept... She still doesn't know

once I was listening to this cheesy song about sexy time in class at full blast

Sounded weird

Realized that my earphones weren't plugged in and the whole entire class was staring at me -_-

>>674367645
Yeeeeeeeah boiiii, i genuinely could feel a strong sense of certainty it was Shakira. That must have been amazing, she is amazing.

>>674367335
Sorry to blueball you anon but she is one of the nicest people I've ever met and I can't risk being trolled and her being sent pizzas or some shit.

I brought the story up because I have to tell someone anonymously because I can't tell anyone in real life if that makes sense.

>>674367917
Do you have cuck fantasies about her?

>>674346985
>tinfoil: bp oil spill in the gulf was on purpoise

>>674368046
That wouldn't really be cuck since they aren't a couple

>>674367669
>
yes

I once drank a drink at a club I knew was roofied. Woke up on the other side of town.

gg

i kill people for fun
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AuOoYMSTRY

>>674367881

this is ten times worse than a false rape claim tho

>>674368127
Well on 4chan cuck meme doesn't really mean the exact definition.

>>674368175
>i kill people for fun

try to go for people who actually deserve it faggot.

people like you.

>>674368016
that makes sense i also offered Shakira and someone replied "nailed it" i was hoping that was you, but obviously not.... day ruined.

>>674367685
I want to but I have a girlfriend. Of which I haven't told that I've been hanging out with another chick every other day but whatever.

We do hit on each other all the time though but its pretty innocent flirting.

>>674367250
CARTMAN FUCKING LEAVE

Fuck you all

Its 5 am and I'm pleasuring myself

>>674367917
Post more faggot.

>>674367669
The next morning I woke up and she was still sleeping so I snuck out of the back of my truck and stood by the tailgate and smoked a cig, it was getting hot out so I opened the cab window to the back and turned my truck on for ac. God damn Cummins turbo diesel, loud as fuck, but works great for my job. She wakes up and I turn the truck off because of the noise. She says Coke back in here and I look back and she's wearing my shirt. I go back to the bed of my truck and she like latches on to me while I smoked with my back against the tailgate. All I said was morning. She asked if I could take her home after noon so her parents wouldn't suspect anything because they'd be at work, sure. I drop her off and she invites me in for a minute so I go in to piss and wash my hands and face. She walks in the bathroom as I'm staring at myself in the mirror, sober, torn between oh shit what'd I just do and fuck yes smashed some fine ass jb. Walks past me naked and kisses me on the cheek. I tell her I have to head out and go shower and stuff and I'd see her later. About 2 miles of driving and I get a huge long text from her saying she wants to see me again that night, told her I couldn't I had plans with my friends. She sent just a crying face emoji and I didn't respond. Later that night I'm at he bar with my friends and we get pretty drunk, the bar is right down the street from my apt so I walk back and I check my phone. 4 missed calls and like 5 texts. Brush it off as stupid girl got good dick and she's a young dummy. Get home and gf is gone with all her shit, try to call her and she's just pissed at me for working so much and drinking with my friends too much, oh well young dummy also. So I sit and play some vista for a bit and 16yo lets call her trouble, calls me. I answer.
Cont

i rage quit on fighting games.

>>674368347
I am to but 4chan gets too fucking slow at this time so I'm going to have to watch porn instead.