wet sleeves

You spawn infinate food whenever you're hungry, but it can only be fermented fish

Yo flying for one second would be sick. Could jump from roof to roof. Stealing shit

>>674313485
you could also freak people out by jumping of skyscrapers and then stopping just at the bottom

can only fly under water

you can afford pizza
but you have no friends to enjoy it with

the ability to smell really nice, but only when you're alone

the ability to have a functioning body
but you don't want to live

the ability to love unconditionally
but you can never feel equally returned love

You have the ability to have any information at your fingertips, but you mostly use it to find porn

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you can teleport but only to Rosie O'Donnel's bathroom

Snap fingers each time to give a black child a fully funded college education

because they'd never fucking use it

shoes are moderately comfortable

>>674315302
bet it smells like vagisil mixed with a fish market

>>674314615
i think youre missing the point of useless... that would be amazing.

you can turn white paper beige

>>674315298
How I'd use it anyways. Hells yeah

Being invisible when youre alone.

>>674315672
Winner

You are the best etch-a-sketch artist in the world

But your gallery exists only in an earthquake zone

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Your dick is huge. But it also is covered with sores.
>true story

Sitting on the ground naked will activate asshair-locomotion.
Like a snail

>>674313485
Stopping in the space of 1 second would kill you, ever heard of a car crash?

>>674313485
Stopping in the space of 1 second would kill you, ever heard of a car crash? K

Being able to roll trips/quads/quints whenever you want... Only on feminist threads though

You can locate every chocolate bar in the world mentally

You can cum on queue, but it burns every time.

>>674313485
Stopping in the space of 1 second would kill you, ever heard of a car crash?

>>674312442
farts that smell like movie popcorn

The ability to form a bubble gun. However the gun never comes with soap and vanshes after 30 seconds..

>>674315557
More like the inside of a bread proofer

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You can kill every hamster through sheer willpower

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You can look into the future, but whenever you stop you instantly teleport to that time and cant change anything you've seen.

>>674315298
According to you, I'm a superhero..

You can flintstone every vehicle in existence

>>674316082
>>674316316
>>674316406
a car crash in the space of 1 second would kill you, ever heard of stopping?

You can sit anywhere, but only with your bare ass

diabetes

You can summon loli sex slaves, but only traps

>>674316068
WAT

>>674312442

You have to the metabolism to eat anything you want and will never get fat.

You were born in a poor tribe in africa though.

>>674316870
That's not useless in the slightest, as long as they are passable.

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>>674316943
Fuck

>>674312442
with that "useless" super power you could jump from any hight and survive mate, would be awesome. you just slow down for that second and hop down 1 feet from the ground

You can summon any metal gear you want
As long as huey is commanding it

>>674316482
That would actually be awesome. No more taking a gamble in a crowded room.

>>674312442
power to trigger a timeloop while having a heavy onset of alzheimers

>>674316859
go go diabeto

You've got an big cock.
For various reasons, it will not be used for sex

>>674317108
EXCACTLY

You can morph into a woman for a day with a 1 day cooldown
Cursed with asshair

You can turn in to a pile of meat at any time, but cannot undo

>>674316337
Track the chocolate bar shipment when you switch them with gold bars but suprise they are poison hersheys airey delights

You can shitpost everywhere without being banned.

You can get any girl in the world......
to be your friend

You're the richest person on earth
You can only spend your money on newspapers from a week ago, and children's clothes.

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>>674316544
hue

>>674317810
Return the childrens clothes for infinite gift card money

Summon Endless monis
In zimbabwean currency

>>674316717

A stop crash in the second of one car would kill you, ever heard of space?

>>674317965
Id start a nigger holocaust with my unlimited zimbabwe money

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once per day, you can willingly choose to faintly taste cornflakes for 3 minutes

You can xray through washing machines

>>674312442
You can levitate plumed whistling ducks.

>>674316574
Since when is sleeping a super power anon?

You can heal any injury
As long as its covered by american health insurance.

>>674318010
the terminal velocity in out atmosphere for a human body falling is like what 250kmh tops? u can survive a slow down in 1 sec with little to no injury barring nothing hits you.

check this out

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4tuvOer_GI

Every thrust while fuggin releases a burp.

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You can turn anything into gold, but you're also the last person on earth

The power to be invisible when no one is looking at you.

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if you think really hard about giraffes, you can smell plastic burning

Everywhere you go, a spurdo grafitti appears every mile

your immune to sunburn, but only at night.

>>674318517
Whatever. More horse vagina for me

to be able to burb or sneeze whiles farting without shitting my pants.

Cook 5 minute soup in 4 minutes

>>674314972
I got a sensible Chuckle from that one.
The ability to allways have the best comebacks.
But only a week later.

The power to seduce hats
Only works on fedoras

>>674312442
Are you fucking kidding me. That's just jumping.

Extend your nipples at will

you can gas all the jews but you have to pay the bills first

Every nig you kill spawns 2 new ones

Making ratatata noises will shoot pellets from your fingertips

>>674319015
Can you pay the bill with Jew gold?

Walking halfway through walls.

You can beam yourself into every elderly couples bedroom

>>674316943
how do you know there isn't someone with this super power now there?

Spawn cockmongler when in danger

>>674312442
>>674318952
Not really useless, like other annon pointed out you can survive any fall as long as you are conscious to "fly" at the last second (no pun intended)

>>674319357
That might be good, you didn't specify they had to be home, so could steal their old people jewelry and nick naks just by beaming in and out.

>>674315062
holy shit i have this power

You can turn into a computer...once

>>674315287
holy shit i have this power too... dafuq

>>674319644
>robbing elders
Are you this nigger?

>>674315062
Sounds like day to day life

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>>674319310
super ninja hiding?

>>674318973
you would make sick money from fetish people.

You are the best there's ever been at a super complex tabletop game wich nobody cares about.

Get every women you want over 100lbs

>>674318357

Oh I remember this video, I saw it a while back when I was in school, shit was really cool.

Uncontrollable ability for hair and nails to grow

>>674317654
That's probably the best superpower

>>674312442
Couldn't you use that to survive any fall once every minute? That sounds like a good power.

>>674313485
In the space of one second, stopping would kill you. Have you heard of a car crash?

>>674319928
How the hell is this useless?
Maybe replace with 400lb?

>>674319990
fckin Nailwerin !! or Hairwerin?

You can breathe underwater, but doesn't work with water contact

to learn the reason for living and then dying.. well maybe we all have that one, but we will never know

Airplane mode will morph your phone into a paperplane

>>674320076
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4tuvOer_GI

from 632 mph to 0 in 1 second. no long term effects or mortal injury

>>674318569
>be home alone
>turn invisible
>be invisible for as long as you want because no one will look at you

You can shape shift but when you did you have the brain capacity of what you changed into

Right arm always being able to regenerate fully but every time it weakens the health of a person you know/love

Your lungs are directly connected with your asshole.
>scuba dive duck-style

>>674314615
This isn't a superpower. It's everyday God damn life!!!

The ability not to think about you breathing. Too bad that you are now doing that

>>674318569
That means you are invisible to cameras when nobody is present.

At night, you could rob a lot of things even small banks like that. You could also push people onto rail tracks for lols.

>>674319990
You could make mad bux by selling that hair, to hair salons

>>674312442
ability to have anyone you want put their ass on you, but youre a toilet.

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>>674320484
turn into a buddist monk

Use your nosehair to slide on the ground at 1mph

>>674316708
This. I would love to have this power

>>674312701
Kek

>>674312442
So basically you are an American attempting jumping?

>>674315062
deep.

You can braid your asshair by farting.

>>674320633
Or even better: when skynet happens you will become the savior of humanity because robots can't see you.

>>674312442
thats actually useful because you can fall from any difference and fly at the last second and you'll take... no fall damage.

wipe your own ass endlesly and still have shit on it, like wiping a fckin marker.

Relocate sweat glands to your nuts for convenience

You can get any person you can think of real, such as from TV
But only you can see them, you cant touch them, they only know what you know, and are not interested in you sexually at all

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>>674320970
cna's daily job bro

>>674314128
>water bottle
>place above head
>....
>Profit

>>674313485
stip stap stoppityin when you be poppying would be kill, ever heard?

>>674320633
>>674319644
we found the niggers

The ability to go to any 5 star restaurant with enough money to afford any plate

You only appear 10 minutes before closing, with a limited amount of food choices due to their cooking time, and they'll probably spit in your food

>>674316574
You could actually use that power to get rich before the word gets around and you end up banned from every casino

>>674320970
>combine with >>674316068
>be shitsnailman

the ability to grow tastebutts on and in your rectum :DD

>>674321195
tip really well and theyll spit shine your shoes instead

>>674313485
Stopping breathing in outer space makes perfect sense, ever hear of a vaccum?

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>>674316068
>Asshair-locomotion
>Snail

>>674316943
>eat grass
>get respected by fellow savages for your survival skills
>become tribal chief
>go to war with othe rtribes
>behind enemy lines
>what r we gun 2 eat bruttah?
>fuckin grass
>destroy enemy tribes
>be king of africa

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>>674316870
Not useless at all. Sell them. Or use them for food.

>>674315769
Kekd

>>674312442
You can make your immune system disappear just by having sex with a man but it doesn't come back and then you die.

>>674321573
im diabetic jokes on you nigger

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1q925lmJPVs
thred

>>674320748
Wtf would you do that

>>674312442
>you can run extremely fast
>permanent cramp

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>>674312442
Not having to reCaptcha

>"Select all images with Waffles"
>How about go FUCK yourself

Touchimg a book will give you a mental audiobook narrated by sarah silverman

Your poop is powerfully magnetic no matter what you eat.

Anal-hamsterpockets for easy access storage

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>>674321681
hell yea enlightenment

The ability to kill yourself, but only once.

fi sh

The ability to become a M00t at anytime

>>674321913
then everything changed when the fire nation attacked...

The ability to read your own mind

>>674322070
>mortar tanks in iraq per shit torpedo

Dirty hair all the time

>>674315302
this isnt useless and could save your life in countless situations

>>674319550
nah bra... any change in direction at high speeds is going to eff your shit up. don't listen to the super hero movies. It's basically a double jump though!

Turn your own toenails into Salt.

>>674312442
>You can fly but only when nobody is watching

Ability to use bones as spears, bones don't grow back.

>>674315769
Able to be invisible in pitch darkness.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1q925lmJPVs
hot hotr hot hot

>>674322443
if i could fly id go where noone is anyway

Anita saarkesian sucks you off when you snap your fingers once a day

you can turn into a nigger

you stay forever a nigger

>>674322438
Since u need salt to live this could save your life in a survival situation, not useless

You gain the ability to last as long as you want when having sex, but you need to keep in mind a mental image of Morgan Freeman to do so.

>>674322420
625 mph to 0 in under a second, what the fuck are you talking about mate. educate your self

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s4tuvOer_GI

A

>>674312442
Basically a double jump at that point

You can explode, only once because you die.

You never have to wipe.

room temperature elbows

>>674312442
This is pretty useful though.

Allows you to practically force jump if you go upwards and manage to grab onto something.

You can perfectly imitate revolver ocelots voice

>>674316574
>You can look into the future, but whenever you stop you instantly teleport to that time and cant change anything you've seen.
So sell all your things, invest money and look at when your investment matures. Live far into the future and never work again. Or go somewhere and teleport into a future where you can walk out a locked place with money or goods. Pretty easy to use or abuse that power.

mind reader but only for fleas

>>674322483
Invisibility around blind people only.

>>674322483
not useless, could save your life if being hunted by a nocturnal predator

Able to withstand extremely high temperatures for an extremely low amount of time.

fastest internet connection anywhere but the only files to download : the twiligt saga

Instantly heal wounds with black skin

>>674322739
not useless i do this anyway

>>674312442
I can do that now, it's called jumping.

>>674323176
instant tattoos

>>674312442
hey, you can double jump, or avoid taking fall damage

>>674322793
how is that useless?

to have a dick so long it reaches the ground, but having no legs

>>674318322
winner

>>674312442
Indestructible hair. Just one

Ability to have 1-wipe poops but only when you're out of toilet paper

>>674322420
astronauts endurance tests have higher Gs than a terminal velocity fall stop

Besides depending of the flying mechanism, your flying could absorb/dissipate all the enrgy from the fall

>>674312442
Not useless depending on your flight speed. 1 second at speed of light will get you far from danger immediately.

being able to fart in ultrasound frequenzy

>>674313023
New power source. Not useless.

>>674312442
You have the power to make any woman on Earth to have sex with you, but you're gay that has no sex drive and can't get a boner.

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>>674323337
a second is longer than you think. when you jump you are only travelling up for a fraction of a second before you get pulled back. if you could fly at say 60 mph you could travel 1/60th of a mile in one second which is 88 feet. can you jump 88 feet?

Aquaman

Ability to have Anita Sarkeesian shit in my mouth on demand.

Melody Hensley watches.

You can travel through time but only forward at regular speed.

>>674324125
the math doesnt work out mate, when doing 60mph you will do 1/3600 of a mile in one second
but we get the drift

>>674324387
if you can travel back it is still very much profitable to do so, for a plethora of uses

Ability to jump really high , yet you still take fall damage.

>>674323962
eat chipotle and then go to a dog show

>>674324741
>only forward

>>674322634
She's pretty hot though