>>673467417
you're a gross individual, try showering more often

>>673467417
This is not okay...

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Does no one on this site know how to wipe their ass?

>>673467417
>"oopsie my bad haha"

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>>673467997

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>>673467997

> be 18
> drunk, walking home
> neighbor and I (qt grill, my age), talked all the time
> get home
> she's over on her porch, asks if I have a cig
> say yes
> she comes over to my porch, and we chill for like 20 min, she has beer, and we drink for awhile
> somehow we ended up on the side of my house
> she said "i'll do anything"
> she lies down on grass
> stick it in
> cum instantly
> she's clueless
> "I came"
> "u-um ... ok"
> she goes home
> never talk again

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>>673467417
If this goes on r/4chan include me faggot p

>>673470622
Called it

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Not as cringe as others, but significant in my development as an educational fiend
>be me
>faggot sophomore in High school
>chemistry teacher is more boring than french theater
>everyday kids would fuck with him
>dude looks depressed everyday, his dream was to be a teacher and now liberal art students shit on him
>whatever, I am sorta nice to him
Anyway
>my broa are in this class
>always telling me to dumb shit for giggles
>always come through
>one day my bro Josh comes up to me
>"you gotta ask him this question anon"
>ok
>" say, 'if science is real, then explain the flash?' "
>wtf? I guess
>so i ask him
>class is dead silent at the amount of extra chromosomes in that question
>teacher looks at me
>he's never looked more depressed in his life.
>just sits back down quietly at his desk
>puts face in his palms
>crawlinginmyskin.mp3
>i feel bad for 2 seconds
>friends laughing their asses off
>mfw I've probably significantly contributed to this man's inevitable suicide
>mfw that's probably the stupidest question he's ever heard

>>673470912
Thats just depressing. Kinda funny though.

>be 16
>tall
>on road trip with fam
>we pull over for bathroom break at gas station
>there's a line
>socially awkward so I don't even look at other people in the line
>stand with little bro
>bro was manlet even at his age
>get bored
>start teasing bro for fun
>eventually we're up
>single toilet bathrooms cuz gas station
>I let bro go first
>before he leaves I go for one last jab
>"hey shorty pants, don't you need my help to reach the sink?!"
>was really excited about how sick my burn was so I ended up saying it really loudly
>bro just looks at me horrified and immediately closes bathroom door
>I look behind me
>mfw there was a family of four foot Asians in line directly behind us

>from their expressions it looked like they spoke English
>I face forward and pretend I can't see them

>>673467417
I have seen this greentext before. Why u copying?

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>>673472798
C o p y p a s t a? Not in my swamp

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>>673470622
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
GET OFFFFFFF MY /b/ YOU FUCKING FAGOOTTTTT REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>oopsie
>23
you really should kill yourself

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>>673470912
>if science is real, then explain the flash?
This is one of the best greentext out there lmao

>>673470622
>>673473218
I was hoping this was just bait really. I dont think anyones that retarded.

>>673472798
Lies. I've never posted it before

>>673474234
No, but the original OP did...

>>673474364
The OOP

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I'm a newfag and I'm too lazy to google how to green text

I was an avid cocaine user at parties along with my friends, started dating a girl, she didn't do it very often but always did Molly, which I was inexperienced with.

Freshly dating, took her to a fancy Hollywood themed hotel room out of town. Had a light up stripper pole and stage in the room, and flashing lights over a hot tub

Downside to fancy room, shower is seperate from the rest of room by glass see through wall, shower is a standup stall, also see through, behind shower? Is the toilet. Behind the toilet is a mirror the entire length of the bathroom.

Get really high on Molly and get in hot tub, core body temp sky rockets, almost pass out, get extreme case of the shits

While high as fuck and melting I open the glass box of a shower and line hotel towels through the entire door and into the hinge to block my new girlfriend from watching me shit my brains out while high as fuck

Pic related, my pooping privacy wall.

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>>673474451
I went full retarded

>>673474520
had sex doesnt matter
>also use ">" before each line you want green

>>673474520
You fucking disgust me.
>new fag
>too lazy to learn how to green text
Nigger lurk Moar so you don't pull shit like this

>>673474996
to be fair he gave us a pretty good story he didnt come here and try to be edgy or do some regular newfag shit

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>>673473800
Checked so must be true. Thanks.

>>673474520
Seriously?, you just put an arrow... how hard can it be to figure that out you wrote a story but couldnt be bothered to put a couple of fucking arrows.

>>673475171
Doesn't really matter. Horrible opening. Should've just jumped into story without explaining newfaggotry.
I will give you this, his story was amusing

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>>673474747
Its ok my man.. happens to the best of us.

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>>673476052
Not Bibleman
Fucking faggot

I've got a couple.
>Spring 2015
>Be film student
>helping with a shoot for a class ahead of mine
>the filmmakers are doing a behind the scenes mock-umentary along side the actual project for school
>acting like the director is an insufferable dick.
>decide I can contribute some humor
>completely unsolicited
>think it's a good idea since I'm quick witted and decent friends with one of the guys in the main group
>start saying, "I can smell the hormones from your period." To the Director
>lack of sleep the night before makes my deadpan game week as fuck
>I start cracking part way through the sentence
>choking back laughter like an autist
>he gives me this look
>he knows my power level
>moves on from the moment of retardation but is obviously off put.
>spend the rest of the day feeling like everyone wants me to leave

>>673476191
I'm a bit bothered Inknow whatbthe fuck this is.

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>>673476994
He's more relevant than Marijuana or gay spaghetti

>be in grade 8
>walking down steps in school behind class
>girl abruptly stops
>stab her in ass with pencil by accident
>she laughs so I awkwardly laugh
>go back to class and she gone
>get called to office
>you're being charged with sexual assault anon.

>>673476525
7/10 greentext
Potential was found, execution didn't flaunt it as much as it could.

>>673477449
9/11
Excellent and to the point. Holy fuck my side

>>673474747
>474747
Noice

>Grade 10
>first girlfriend
>dating for a week
>she says she might leave to go to vancouver
>plz don't go.jpeg
>start crying
>she decides not to go
>couple days later some guy keeps staying over at her house
>oh they're just friends I tell myself
>still getting laid because she's a year older than me so I dont even care
>tells me other guy messaged her asking for sex and she's considering
>wtf
>playing combat arms one night and I get a text from her saying she made out with another guy
>crying so hard
>mfw looking back relationship only lasted a month

>>673474888
Thank you

>>673474996
>>673475442
Seriously? Does a post lacking green text disturb you and your neck beard enough to wake up mommy upstairs? Go lay down and stop acting 4chan cool.

ive told this story here before and its a different type of cringe but fuck it
>be me 8th grade
>sitting in class text my gf of 2 weeks (yes it was that serious)
>feminazi teacher grabs phone for texting in class
>says ill get it back at the end of the day
>ok cool
>woman power whore looks through my phone and finds titty pictures of my underage grill
>takes it to the school police officer
>probably thinks i forced her to or some retard shit
>get called to office
>get arrested possesion and distrubition of cp cuz i sent the pics to my friends obviously
>go to police station
>mom arrives all pissed at me
>sitting in interrogation room with mom waiting for something we dont know what
>girlfriend shows up with her parents
i still cringe when i think about how the police officer was showing the pictures in front of everybody and showed the text messages i sent to my friends with the pictures. feel like hanging myself

>>673478774
newfag bringing bants goddamn

>My 16th birthday
>no friends
>just met some people
>text them up and set up a meeting
>grandma drops me off at their house
>gives me 20 bucks cause it's my birthday
>go into house
>everyone high on acid
>"lets buy weed who has money"
>I do
>they take my money and buy weed
>never offered me acid
>we all get high
>I go home a few hours later
>never told them it was my birthday.

>>673478774
First off, the proper term is neck hairm
Second off, it's proper 4chan customs to shit on newfags who let slip they're new fags. it wasn't lack of greentext, it was the intro.

>>673479088
dubs of cringe.
Sorry pal.

Posting another.
>Freshman year of college
>spending more and more time on the internet
>was akward to begin with but becoming full beta
>friends with a 8/10 senior qt
>she thinks of me like a little brother
>eating dinner with friends from dorm floor in cafeteria
>she asks why it's so hard to find nice guys
>I say, "because they're all in the friend zone."
>instantly see my mistake
>I can feel the neck bead and fedora growing out of my head
>the thought of buying a body pillow with my wifu on it sounds appealing
>the last traces of normie within me fight to survive
>I grab my stuff and get up from the table
>Say, "I'm sorry" and leave
>seriously contemplate suicide for the first time

>>673479354
sorry man holy shit

oh wow I just thought of this one

>Grade 10
>just started hanging out with a girl
>inloveman.jpeg
>in the same art class
>teacher tells us project is to draw from a picture
>decide to draw her
>find a cute pic of her
>draw like a madman all night
>come in with pic
>asshole teacher starts the class
>comes up to me and touches my art like its junk
>"You were told to draw from a picture this is clearly from life"
>start just crying my eyes out like a little bitch
>everyone patting me on the back
>itsgoodman.jpeg

>>673480118
that was smooth tho anon. the only cringe here is you apologizing and walking away akwardly you fucking autist

>>673477449
In this work of fiction were you actually charged and do you have to register as sex offender? More details

>>673477449
is your name charlie from tosa

>>673478774
A cringy post in a cringe thread... nice. And yes it does, I dont get how you cant figure out something so simple and even saying how retarded you are before your unnecesarily long post.

>>673467997
There has never been a more truer statement on this site....

>>673480549
nonfiction

but I'll continue

>what?
>she said you did what I said happened in the story
>that was an accident
>well we're contacting both of your parents atm and conducting an investigation
>turns out teacher saw me laugh but not her
>looks like I purposely stabbed her ass and laughed like a madman
>police become involved
>tell me it's up to her parents whether or not charges are laid
>they decide not to pursue
>cops decide to fuck with me and tell me it's on my permanent record anyways.

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>13 year old me
>almost autistic
>huge crush on a redhead, obsessed.
>"anon, I've always wanted a gamecube"
>hand in 100 dlls I saved for one for myself
>3 hours FF
>Redhead's mom knocks my door
>"did you give my daughter 100 dlls? I need to speak to your parents".
>cringe
>fortunately my parents aren't home
>bitch.

>>673480714
What's that a video game?

>>673480405
The delivery was really bad.
>Because they're all
>...
>In the friend zone.
I made it sound like a dramatic reveal. Like I was vre6 purposefully droppimg this truth bomb. If it was just a casual, non-chalant sort of thing it wouldn't be so bad.

>>673467417
Well that sucks.

Never make that mistake again.

>>673480296
I don't really understand what happened in this story.

>grade 9
>chilling and walking down the hall
>see friends near payphone
>walk up
>hey friends whats up
>out of nowhere principle comes out of the office
>grabs us by the arm
>"sit down anons!"
>whats happening man
>"I didn't do anything! Tell them I didn't do anything!"
>"Anon didn't do anything"
>"Be quiet anons!"
>ohmyfuck.gif
>cops show up
>talks to all of us seperately
>oh good shit's going to be sorted out
>talks to me
>you are going to be suspended anon and it's going on your permanent record that you called 911 on that payphone
>but I just got there!
>interrupts me
>Okay you're suspended go gather your shit and gtfo anon.

>"okay.."

>>673480118
You should of just laughed like it was a joke, its not that bad except for the last part.

>be me
>summer after second semester
>college
>ask my cute classmate if she wants to see a movie with me
>notadate.jpg
>sure anon, can i girl2 come as well?
>fine.beta
Girl 2 was girl1 and my friend as well but she was an antisocial weeajew. Much later after graduation girl1 and i both admit girl2 was not a good friend
>girl2 brings her nerdbro
>movie is the star trek with khan
>sit with girl1, girl2 on otherside, nerdbro at other end
>hardmode try too keep from having my hands together
>dat dramatic scene handhold cringe fantasy
>movie over
>take girl1 to closest bus stop
>i drive, but im not driving 2 hours in the opposite direction
>nerdbro takes weeajew home
>girl1 thought it was a date
>cringe at memory
Weeajew was like, all up in the animu with her bird nose and homestuck fanfictions.
For those that are curious.

>>673481554
Basically cried because of critisism from art teacher like a big pussy because I was drawing a girl I loved who had a boyfriend and had no interest in me.

Probably my lowest moment. Happened 6 years ago.

>>673480948
interesting. I always feared being charged for sexually harassing a crush I had in 7th grade on a daily basis. Mfw saw other guys doing it to her first and thought fuck it why not can't date her anymore

>>673480118
yeah, you're only mistake was apologizing and leaving.

your best course of action would be to look at her right in the fact after saying it, then take a bite of food and carry on regular.

you probably would've been fucking her that night

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>>673470912
>whatever, I am sorta nice to him
Naah, you're a cunt.

>>673482221

Oh bro you have no idea! I've been in situations like this my entire life.

When I changed schools in grade 8 someone made a rumour that I made a rumour that the hottest girl in school blew me under the waterfountain while I was drinking from the waterfountain.

Really fucked up.

She threatened to get principle involved and shit.

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>freshman year highschool
>get short blonde qtgf
>fuck around constantly, horny as a motherfucker
>sexting her
>planning to fuck around in a mall changing room
>she stops texting for 20 minutes suddenly
>get a text
>it's her dad
>says he's going to meet me in the changing room instead of her
>mfw
not my most cringe but I will post more.

>>673482221

Also this girl wore fucking jean skirts that went down to her ankles bro.

This was 2008.

Phat farm was still popular.

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>>673481866
>be a younger me
>ride the bus home from high. School
>erryone jokes at. Back of bus
>mentally unstable jock guy always the life of the party
>he has to be, lest he reflect on his inner turmoils
Moron that later
>its coming to my stop
>think im gonna. Be funny
>go up to him and fart on him
>im 16 for. Fuck sakes
>bus is silent
>"oh look its my stop... Gotta go!"
>go back to being quiet loner who has gay daydream (gaydreams TM) about fucking cute boy classmate

>be me
>20 years old
>at gym
>doing cardio on the bike machine
>simultaneously drinking protein so I don't lose muh gainz
>the lady next to me gets off the bike and moves to another
>"bitch just intimidated by my gainz"
>less than 30 seconds later, I see everyone around me moving away
>get approached by gym staff
>point beneath me
>mfw I was drinking really shitty poor people protein
>mfw my ass was super sweaty from the bike machine
>mfw I didn't feel the shit slip out of my asshole and crawl down my leg on to the floor

>be me
>10th grade gym class
>head down to the weight room
>coach tells me to grab mat and lay down on floor for stretches n shit
>wearing loose fitting basketball shorts
>awkward boner
>goaway.jpg
>other kids start showing up
>not enough mats for everyone
>have to share mat with girl i've been crushing on
>side note: i'm autistic as fuck
>splutter out casual greeting
>fucking mount everest in my pants
>dontlook.gif
>first stretch is sit-ups
>she looks over at me and smiles
>smile back too
>outofmyleaguebutchancemaybe.png
>0.0001% chance causes tent to be pitched more
>feels lucky as fuck she didn't see it
>push ups
>ohfuck.dsf
>go down
>dick bends wrong way
>hurts like fuck
>screams in pain
>coach asks me whats wrong
>brain.exe not responding
>"she broke my dick"

>be me 10th grade
>had gf of over 6 months by now, met at church
>go to same school, she's incoming freshman (my first year at that school cause just moved)
>go to visit her at her gym period
>look through gym window and see guy laying between her legs. not fucking, but like she's sitting with legs open, he's sitting between them
>wait til after school
>confront her about it
>she got mad at me for not trusting her
>sat down and cried until the bus came
>still stayed with her

the whore eventually fucked a friend of mine (also from same church) while i was away at college.

>>673482221
Really? In 6th grade i feared getting suspended for kicking a girl in the stomach.
She told me i had no friends, so she got a blow where the food go.
Why fear suspension? Mom was gonna take away my pokemon games D:

>>673480296
Holy fuck how beta are/were you.

> Me
> 4 years ago
> Im walking down the hallways at school
> Girl I like passes by with friend
> Stare at her
> Hey anon I never seen you outside of class before
> Haha y-yeah
> Girl teases friend telling her she should ask me out
> Friend says no
> She says well id like that
> Too nervous to saying anything
> Awkward silence
> Well anon you can follow me on instagram and facebook
> HAHAHA
> They start to walk away awkwardly
> I keep laughing
> They leave.
I dont wanna die alone I wish i wasnt such a spaz

>>673483108
>so she got a blow where the food go.

If thats not cringy as fuck I don't know what is lol.

>>673482835

Oh you're gay!

>>673483053
>>673483053
TOP KEKEK

>>673483416
Im gonna put my pee pee where the food come out.

>>673483243
Yeah I was so beta bro.

Had an awakening in grade 11/12 and became alpha in my own right.

>>673483439
Im bi*

>>673483777
Trips of truth

>>673483777
And got some heavenly trips

>>673483843
what does that mean?

>>673482221
Off by 1. Fml

>>673482448
Yea all the guys that harassed her knew who else did it so I afraid 1 of them would squeal. Still feel like shit 10 years later I think she or her friend (she was by her side every time it happened) told a teacher and their only solution was let girls leave first then boys. i stopped after she left a pencil and I tapped her shoulder to stop and she froze with pure fear thinking it'd be worse now. Then moments later one of the other dicks sprayed her ass with shit ton of water and made her cry

>>673483777
Nice trips my man.
And that never happened for me.

>>673479088
You're honestly a fucking moron, why the fuck would you share them you humongous cunty nigger?

>>673482996
>allofmywuts.rar

>me
>17
>Meets scene girl...
>Everyone's in some wing off the church
>Alone together sitting on the alter
>Start talking about dirty shit
>start making out
>She leans down and unzips my pants
>Sucks my dick under a giant cross in front of a picture of Jesus
>I cum...she smiles
>start to return favor
>Little girl runs in and beelines towards me
>Scramble to not be naked
>Jumps in lap
>Contemplating suicide because I know I'm all ready going to hell
>true story

>mfw I really want to hatefuck all of the girls that were mean to me in grade 7/8

>>673482835
The guy i farted on, his mom was one of those failure parents that try to live through their children. Always had tutors for him, not allowed to drink pop, etc. Well, he grew up to be a pedophile, so if it was her life long dream to fuck kids. Hes doin it.
Not an exclusive pedophile, he tried to rape me when i was 18

>>673484020
He's too much of an indecisive fuck to comit to just dick or pussy

>>673479088
> Shared pictures with my friends.
I was feeling bad for you but now I just think youre a retard.

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>>673484020
>be me
>be now
>tell cringe stories
>anon calls me gay
>correct him
>anon asks why
>le cringe

>>673484267

I can't respect a man who can't make up his mind, nor a woman.

Also this sounds like something Trump would not support.

So I'm going to have to say things I don't like for 400

>>673484267
> Being able to enjoy both without being a complete faggot
Anon pls.

>>673483416
I was trying to think up a witty one liner like a kick to the dick or a puncher to the muncher yi know.

>>673480296
>this is clearly from life

Art Teacher Complex should be a thing at this point.

>>673484520

What?

What's wrong with gay people? Seriously nothing wrong with the gays. But there's sometihng wrong with a man who can't make up his mind.

You can't half your cake and heat it too. As the old saying goes.

Because the icing would melt.

this didn't happen to me, but it's still cringy nonetheless
>playing handball
>nasty collision causes leg to be popped out
>in hosptial
>right testicle falls into place where hip and leg should be joined
>doctor: "Alright, I'm just going to pop your leg back in. It might hurt a bit"
>from what I know, it hurt more than a bit
>1 ball remains

>>673484646

Haha this teacher was a dick. He failed me 3 years in a row and I was in the advanced placement art class.

Honestly it was terrible. But I kept taking the class.

>>673484676
Full kek

>be in high school
>really like this girl
>pathetic attempts at flirting
>valentines day coming up
>"oh shit ill buy her flowers"
>go to florist and order flowers with card and have them arranged to be delivered to school
>2 days later see her making out with bf
>go to florist right after school and have to have order cancelled and explain why
>pretty sure florist was trying not to laugh

>>673484676
Old sayings are a diamond dozen just watch out for gramma not seas

>>673484819

And anons leg gave birth to two beautiful legs 9 months later.

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>>673484881
NONONONONONO

>>673484130
>"true story"

uh huh

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>>673484676

>>673484881

haha heres my valentines cringe

>dating a girl first serious gf
>poor but parents well off
>valentines day
>what do you have planned for today anon?
>uhhhh nothing?
>she ditches me and goes out with her friends
>I gotta think of something
>see a girl walking by with flowers in the hall
>can I have like one of those flowers for my gf?
>yeah sure anon
>go up to gf with the rose
>here you go I got you a rose
>where did you get this?
>uhhhhhh......nevermind
>just throw the rose out
>we broke up incase you're wondering

I have a few worthy stories from my life as a sperglord, so depending on how this one goes, I'll keep them coming.

> be me in middle school
> love Dave Chappelle
> watch Chappelle's Show on the daily
> constantly quoting "Black White Supremacist" skit
> "White power," "Woogy-boogy, nigger," etc.
> Walking to class one day with less spergy friend
> Goofed off during passing period so MAXIMIMOVERDRIVE.jpg
> Shout, "Woogy-boogy, nigger!" Just as black kid turns the corner
> We all stop and stare at eachother
> I start laughing maniacally because how to I handle stress
> Run to class
> Fast-forward ten minutes
> Called into office for calling kid a nigger
> I desperately try to explain myself to him and principal
> Neither believe me
> "He called me a nigger, then ran off, laughing."
No punishment, but everyone thought I was racist

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>>673479354
Sorry bro

>be me
>grade 1
>think kicking people in the dick is a fun game
>kick friend in the dick
>teacher tells me i have to make up for it
>take friend to washroom
>help him put his dick under cold water
>its not gay, its science
>his family moves away 2 grades later
>i learned nothing from kicking him in the dick
>went on to kick more people in the dick

>outside one day
>prodominanttly black school
>playing basketball
>okay fuckers line up we're going inside
>we all get in a line
>michael, a big black kid walks up to me, basketball in hand
>bounces ball off my head
>ow wtf
>does it again
>"man what's your problem with me? Are you racist or something?" I say
>he looks completely shocked
>starts yelling like a madman
>"ANON JUST CALLED ME THE N WORD, ANON JUST CALLED ME THE N WORD."

>Be me, elementary kid
>Get off bus every day
>Only a slight walk down the street to house
>Always pee on my house's fence.
>Think it's on a street out of view
>The street is actually a small neighborhood in plain view of me.
>Parents tell me to stop after they get complaints from neighbors about seeing my dick every day for months straight.

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>>673485744
>Be an older me but younger than this me>>673482835
>motherfucking dance class
>class pair up an design your own dance
>god why me
>pair up with early onset puberty kid
>still kids so autism isnt autistic yet
>do a dance/play/abomination where we are cats
>what the fuck was i doing
>teacher gives me a 70
>never speak of again

>school decides we need to learn about black history (canadian school)
>tell us to write fictional story from perspective of a black person
>my black mans name was toby and he was a cotton picker who was killed for stealing breads from his slave master.

>>673470912
I did something similar but the teacher was old and so clueless I didnt feel bad

>be 16 in AP chemestry
>teacher is somewhat of a former relevant scientist
Asked her the following from Da Ali G show:
>Do you think the man will ever walk in the sun?
>Of course not, it's too hot and it's not solid
>Ok, *initiate Ali G accent* wha if we go on winta, when da sun is colder?

just stared blankly at me life if all the missing chromosomes humans have missed at that time were added to me

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>be me
>grade 6
>we got this swell chipstore
>its run by chad
>chad looks like a faggot as opposed to a chad
>in line behind only black kid in school
>faster slave
>

>>673486489
kek

>>673486489

I pictured a toothless child spitting corn out his mouth with slightly closed eyes.

Wish I had a pic to show you.

>>673485744
I used to punch kids in the dick in first grade. We are kindred spirits.

>be at co workers house drinking
>just met the guy like a week ago
>go to use his bathroom to piss
>be super drunk and stumble forward hitting the toilet
>something broke because water started leaking out the back
>try to use his bath towel to clean it up
>didn't fix it
>had to tell guy i broke his toilet and tried to clean up pee water with his shower towel
>hated me ever since

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>>673487298
Reminds me of the biblewiper greentext

>>673484819
Did he sue for malpractice or something? I would be furious if I lost a nut thanks to some dumbass doctor not paying attention

>>673487595
1 less testicle your ex can accuse of getting her pregnant.

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>be me
>16
>going out with freshman girl
>shes my first girlfriend and we love eachother
>dont have sex but i know its coming
>one day in my basement we're hanging out
>making out some, shes teasing me and i think tonight is the night
>start to strip naked except for my socks
>she says hold on and sends a text to her friend
>hear my doorbell ring, think nothing of it, probably my mother's friends
>hear footsteps descending to my basement room
>ohfuck.jpg
>see friend peek through the door, sees me ass naked, their face turns from normal to confusion and disugst
>tells the other guys there not to come in
>they do it anyway and see me spread eagle naked with a flaccid
>girlfriend sitting there texting like nothing happened and also fully clothed
>try to explain myself but there is no redemption
>a year later one of those guys who walked in cucked me and stole her from me and i never got laid

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>>673467417
kek'd

>be me
>9th grade
>in gym class
>in locker room changing
>briefly glance up
>see friends dick peaking out of boxers
>get half chub
>fml

>>673487735
1 less testicle your ex can take in the divorce

>>673485432
cringe? that story only shows her as a cunt, no fault on you anon

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>>673488359
>be me
>grade 8
>teachers name is mr. Toole
>topkek
>okay class lets tell scary stories in the gym
>gym without lights is dark as fuck
>me and friend sit away from group
>i only wore trackpants at this time, no underwear
>force friend beside me to touch my dick abd give me a handjob
>mfw i forced my male friend to give me a handjob in the middle of class.

>>673488911
nice gets and you're probably right.

>>673488145
Real travesty is that you dated for a year and didn't fuck.

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>be me recntly
>pokemon blue re release on 3ds
>aw yiss
>nickname all my pokemon
>all my motherfucking pokemon
>cant navigate pc box cuz idfk who is who.

>>673489045
*slow clap of respect*

>Be me earlier today
>Take cock pic
>intend on sending to my Mexican qt3.14 gf
>do everything was backwards so I take pick then choose who to send it to
>call my girlfriend by her last name 'Gonzalez'
>Not really paying attention to what I'm doing, send the picture along the text 'how's this look you dirty spic?'
>actually send it to her father who is a giga-Cholo

So /b/, on a scale of 1-10, how many hours do I have left to live?

>>673486267
Similar
>be 13
>history class makes us write a paper about some social injustice
>military duty of 1 year minimum is required in my country for some people, you get chosen in a lottery
>write a 2 page, single space, 12 font paper of why kids from good schools (like mine) shouldnt be forced to even participate in lottery and just send kids "with no future" like cab driver and cleaning ladies kids to the military instead

im still amazed that:
A. Teacher didnt give me an F (or any grade)
B. Told me to shut the fuck up
C. Show the principal and call my parents

>>673467417
Psych here. To be honest, that is pretty fucked up man. Take a look a other girls. Get out of your city

>>673489648
he will be there in 10 min

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>>673470912
pretty goddamn good if you ask me

>>673488359
So young.

>>673474520
>poop

>>673474520
>first time on molly
>not prepared for the shits it brings

Happened to me the first time too. Destroyed my friends bathroom for about 20 min. His GF was with us, and he had no spray for after you take a shit. Very embarrassing experience.

>>673484130
god isnt real dumb fuck if he was would good people die and children die for no reason why the fuck would he care if u got sucked off and a lil girl sat on ur lab after it

>>673476191
i literally collect this on vhs i have 7 episodes so far
funniest shit in the world
found it on mushrooms

>>673489676
Hi Trump

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>faganon
>use dating website
>many people tell anon that dating is bad
>just do the casual. Sex
>maybe not yet
>looking for friends with benefits
>check profile later
>been viewed by pic related
>absolute fucking terror
>what if it tries to talk to me
>what do i do?
>thankfully it moved on to other prey

>>673489861
it was like 4 years ago

>>673490025
They made seven episodes of this?

>>673490092
You were spared.
Another day goes by in the Casual Sex Savannah.

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>>673485501
LMFAO KEKLE MY FUCKING ASS KOKUJIN CRINGY AF FAM@!

>>673490213
http://www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=82375148

>>673490030
Dunno if this makes me more 'Trump-er' but when 9/11 happened I was like 6 and a year after the school made an ALL SCHOOL memorial assembly(around 1500 people in the auditorium)

>be 7
>sitting next to my highly inappropriate bf at the time (he was jewish so I like to think it makes the event a little less bad)
>minute of silence begins
>he starts saying curse words and fart jokes
the usual funny stuff at that age
>I try to contain myself, fucking minute turned into hours
>give into the joy and burst out laughing
>teacher grabs me by my shoulder and kicks me out for the rest of the ceremony

>>673467417
Topkek. Laughed my ass off!

>>673486267
I Dont get it how is it cringe were u not allowed to write about that?

>>673490576
hahaha lmfao your school fucking sucks man where in canada are u in?

>>673490915
not canadian

>>673490726

I got really into detail and being one of the only white kids I often look back on the memory in pure cringe. I am a white attractive upper class male. I've never had to worry or struggle (I mean I've lived on my own and stuff of course) At the age of 13 there's no way I had any right to write a story like I did from the perspective of a black man.

I have a lot of respect for the black community and feel that these types of situations are close to poking fun at or fictionalizing a very serious issue within our past.

So yeah whenever I think about it I cringe.

>be me in 9th grade
>first gf that I ask out
>8/10, one of the best asses in my class
>go to the movies, not too awkward
>I'm beta as fuck, don't make a move but she kisses me on the cheek
>hyped.jpg
>take her to Homecoming
>making out on the dancefloor
>no fucks about how we look
> whispers in my ear: "we'll be doing more than this later on anon"
>autisticstutter.gif
>about 3 weeks after Homecoming
>her friend tells me that she's not into me much anymore
>I'm an autistic freshman
>believe her, and stop talking to 8/10
>gf sad but doesn't show it
>now senior year of high school
>she's taking the starting football qb to prom
>im going stag
>fml

>>673480118
>"they're all in the friend zone"
>whole cafeteria goes silent and stares at me
>violently slam head onto cafeteria table

>>673491309
yep that's me.

>>673489648
Are you dead yet faggot?

>>673479467
>proper 4chan customs
kill yourself

>>673491309
I score 265 on that scale by the way.

In high school my first gf
>be me 17
>she was 16
>had big tits
>kinda slow, didnt care.
>no action just made out
>had ex 24yo
>one day gets call from mom
>starts screaming that her daughter is 16
>tired of her, was weird
>used as an excuse to break up
>ex somehow knew my name
>wtfman.jpeg

I know its not anything special but she kinda freaked me out. her ex would stare at me. the whole situation was weird. I kinda felt bad because I think that guy was 24, illegal spic who fucks 16yo girls.

Karma was a bitch when his car got rekt. and his van was tagged up.

>>673467417
Feel pretty bad for you, op. Try wet wipes.

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you niggers and your insta-cum I have the complete opposite can't cum at all majority of the time.


>Be me at club
>Drunken buffoon x50
>Club lets out about 2am
>Stumbling to my car
>Realize I have to sober up don't want to wreck my Mustang or get DUI
>Go to local 7/11 nearby
>Start drinking water forcing myself to piss
>After about 20 minutes of pissing and inducing vomit and purchasing mouth rinse
>Managed to get myself to borderline drunk and typsy stage
>Ok I'm good to drive
>Random slut from inside latches onto me
>"Friends left me can you take me home?"
>Sure
>MFW I see how people get kidnapped but go figure
>As I'm driving her she keeps fondling me
>This goes on for a mile
>Can't take it anymore
>Pull over to side of the road in a deserted lot
>Brush panstu to the side and insert myself
>DUMB nigger you dun fucked up you gets the HIV
>Too horny can't take it anymore
>What felt like 5 minutes turns into 2 hours
>Shes sober and I'm sober
>Says she came already and have I came yet
>I can't?
>Says her vag is starting to hurt
>Wait let me try
>Moans turn into pain moans
>"Stop.. it hurts now"
>Still can't come
>De-sert myself
>Try to fap
>Still can't come
>She tells me to give it up
>No somethings wrong with him
>So concerned I drive to the emergency room with this skank
>Doctors say I'm fine
>Sunrise hits
>"Can I go home now?"
>MFW while at hospital she posted a picture of me on Instagram labeled "The broken dick man" story of how she tagged along with me to figure why I couldn't come and made up stories of me fapping in traffic
>MFW Over 5000 people saw it
>She only deleted it because I paid her 2000$
>MFW Had to move and change names and undergo facial reconstruction

>>673489648
Id say start your will and name your dependents anon

>>673470912
Someone cap this

>be me
>18 year old beta fag
>work with a 8/10 that wants the d
>she has a bf so i make no moves and avoid the shit out of her
>beta x2
>1 week before Valentine's Day she breaks up with bf
>both work on Valentine's Day
>tells me she's home alone
>wants me to take her home
>tells me I can come in and "hang" for a bit
>get off 30 minutes before her
>"haha I get to go home b4 you"
>go home
>still virgin

>>673492842
Your story wasn't that good.

>>673482996
Oh sweet baby jesus

>skype call
>two of my friends
>friend 1 says he wants my ass
>friend 2 says "wut?"
>friend 1 starts saying sorry a mile a minute
>5 minutes later i join call
>blasted with sorry's
>wtf.pdf
>get informed on situation
>sphincter muscles spasm
>shiver
>constantly call him gay form then on

>>673492954
>"haha I get to go home b4 you"
i keked

>>673491152
Eat shit you dirty niggerlover

>>673470912
Hate to be this guy but what is "the flash"

>inb4 newfag
>2007

>>673493382

Haha alright.

Let me guess, you're the type with the confederate flag pinned up in the back of his chevvy?

Fucks his cousins?

Yeah fuck you, nobody wants to be like you brother.

Know what, I can't even call you that.

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>>673467417
You're disgusting, op. Thanks for the pepe, though.

>>673493660

The flash is a superhero tv show from the 80's I believe.

Just google the flash.

>>673479088
>get arrested possesion and distrubition of cp cuz i sent the pics to my friends obviously
>obviously
That's not an obvious thing to do, dumbfuck

>>673480118
You did ok anon. Painful maybe, but not really cringe

>>673479088
It's probably illegal for a teacher to look through a confiscated phone. Should've brought that shit to court for illegally obtained evidence

>>673481062
samefag here. I take it back, that's cringe. Sorry /b/ro

>>673494064

As long as she wasn't acting as an agent of the police or on behalf of the police it is completely legal for the teacher to do this.

For instance, a garbage man/ neighbour can look through your trash and confiscate evidence and present it to the police, as long as the police did not tell them to do so.

>>673492963
Not my story bro

>>673493895
Got it. That was my only guess but I thought maybe there was more to it.

>>673494504

Yeah I think the sentance in itself is supposed to be just pure retard. I'm actually pretty sure the prank is on anon.

"If science is real, then explain the flash"

>>673492538
This better be a fucking joke, link insta

>grade 10
>date girl for like 8 months
>we're both pretty broke
>valentines day time
>make her pay for the movies and food afterwards

>hahahahaha got that bitch
>after we broke up she fucked all my friends and I got depressed