>>672176236
>stolen a bunch of materials pertaining to the cure for cancer while working on T-Cell therapy

>>672176236
reversed a truck, while drunk from the night before

Got an elderly mexican woman to rub her vag on the buns of a burger my ex gf ordered.

>>672176709

this didn't happen

>>672176236
Contacted a 17yo patient and got nudes

Fucked a fifteen year old in the girls bathroom while everyone else was closing the store

I steal about $800-900 a month from my job.
Been doing it since July of last year.
No idea how I'm not caught

>>672177222
Trips of truth post em

goldbricked a whole shift

Beat the shit out of a homeless dude with a maglight

>>672177505
Watch out man. If you lose your job you're fucked if they mention it on your file.

>>672177328
Story behind this?

ate my boss' pussy under her desk in her office while she was on a conference call with our VP... she's real good at cumming quietly

>>672176236
I shit my pants at work once, that was hard to get out of without people realizing i shit my pants.

>>672177511
Trips of truth proves it. I don't have to...or want to. Redhead with a decent body, but ya know... Cp and all

>>672177505
You will get fired

My manager just got fired for this.

Things will soon add up and you will be exposed as a common theif.

>>672176422

did this as well

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>>672177908
1. this didn't happen
2. she didn't cum

>cumming quietly
>no such thing
>female orgasms are accompanied by violent spasms
>if you don't know this, you have never given a girl an orgasm

>>672177505
What kind of place do you work at?

>>672178055
I'm pretty sure he's lying
Why would he brag about that on the internet
Except if he's a complete moron

>>672178085
What if they cover their mouth?

You are an idiot ive seen at least two girls be silent while they clearly had spasms

>>672176236

had sex with the bosses wife. she wasnt pretty or anything. i was just 17 and horny. id have taken anything.

>>672178085
HAHA, whatever faggot, you've apparently never touched a girl (they're pretty complicated, they can do lots of stuff that your virgin ass has never seen)

>>672178133
Dragon dildo factory?

>>672177505
You should quit while you are ahead. Move somewhere else and get a new job. They are probably just waiting until they can collect enough evidence to prosecute you and send you to jail

>>672178075
>>672176422
>lies detected

>>672176236

> Was driving a car, scratched another car that was parked and drove away. Never said a word.
> Stole a shitload of office material
> Faked statistics that were detrimental for the survival of my workplace without knowledge of my superiors or colleagues
> Gave a colleague bad advice that got him fired while he thought i was his only friend at the workplace (He was a pain for everybody though and bossy although he was in no way capable of leading anybody and close to illiteracy, just the biggest fucking asshole you can imagine, thought everybody hated him because they were jealous)

>>672178250
Neat

>>672176236
stoled printer ink every weeks and nobody found me

>>672178250
You hiring?

>>672178389
>i dont even have a printer, i just steal them and throw them away

Smoked weed in the store and then i had sex with the assistant manager while her boyfriend was waiting to pick her up outside.

>>672176236
Released the T virus. Well accidentally of course.

>>672178406
Yes but only in the testing department.

>>672176236
>Work properly for the sole purpose of earning a livable wage

>>672176709
That's dumb as fuck

>>672178484
This didnt happen

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>>672178236
But could they hold a conversation with their boss during the process?

>>672178249
>they're pretty complicated
>kek
what if I told you that I was married. You wouldn't believe me, but I don't care what faggots think

>>672176236
I hope you work in a morgue/funeral home.

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>>672178497
Hon hon my area of expertise

>>672178085
Actually....it is possible.

>>672178540
Like 99% of the shit that is posted here.

>be me
>18
>2009ish
>work on pumpkin farm during summers
>nice family owns farm
>me other 18 yr old 20 yr old n 5 Mexicans
>tend to pumpkins, pick weeds, spray shit, tend to farm
>milf farm woman and her hot daughter live there
>farm owner the dad and two sons work farm also
>fine and dandy
>bring meals n water bottles out to workshop everynow and then
>plan days tasks from workshop, hq, hang out there what not

>harvest time comes, mid October ish
>people come pick pumpkins, buy them, w.e
>farm family is involved, farm milf works till, looks sexy all day. tight shirt, plaid button up, tight jeans, dat ass was fat
>farm daughter looks sexy as hell as well. totez bangin, ez 9/10 but not outgoing kinda shy n nice, jeans n hoodie
>daughter helps pick pumpkins, hangs out with us all day, talk to her, hit on her a bit
>shes 19 taking farm management in the local college
>wants cock, can tell.

later that evening
>others have left. Mexicans moving pumpkins from the fields to the driveway area for people who don't want to pick them
>me and farm daughter in the workshop, drove the golf cart with a trailer full of shit to put away
>backed it in to unload
>hanging out with her, putting away spades and wood pallets n shit
>make some moves on her and start making out
>she drops to her knees and sucks me off in the workshop
>confidence, check
>unload the trailer, and go home for the night

cont.
3 more encounters in total, will type, going out for a smoke

Cussed out a customer for insulting my coworker non-stop.

Boss told me to next time just tell the customer to leave if they get that rude.

>>672177758
>your file
do you live in a prison?

Showed lemonparty to a sweet old lady while trying to close a deal on a laptop that my coworker had changed the background on without me knowing

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>>672178618

>>672176236
Well let's see:
- never not high at work
- stolen copious amounts of alcohol
- snorted lines of oxy in bathroom
- showed up suuuuper drunk twice
- banged a co worker on prep table
- scratched my asshole and used butt juice in the beverage I gave to shitty tippers that are regulars
- stolen money
- use stamp cards and coupons for personal cash gains
- taken items from the kitchen
- manipulate the system to black mail managers
- got people fired for being dumb

Bunch more shit actually

>>672178235
It's anonymous and it is unlikely they will see this,

>>672178814
Yes.

>>672178818
Kekked

>>672178868
Shit happens

I worked for best buy customer service/reward zone as a back office manager. Tons of people order appliances and and big ticket items but aren't regular best buy customers so they don't get a reward zone account and claim points. Enter me: change account numbers to look like its all one purchaser, then claim the points on one reward zone account. Got a new 360 bundle, desk top with accessories, laptop with same, home theater system, TV, few other misc things before it gets busted.. used a co-workers vacation home address for all deliveries (stole info from his RZ account) and gift cards for shipping charges to be untrackable. He gets interrogated but can't prove shit on him and I hand in resignation before anyone can do more snooping

>>672178820
>this much of a fuck up
>works in a restaurant

Not surprised.

>>672178545
aaaaAAAAAHHHHHHHH MY BALLS.

I feel sorry for those poor animals.

>>672178545
Come on dude you do care what these faggots think otherwise you wouldnt be typing that shit.

>>672178085
Sauce?

>>672178545
your wife may not have the ability to do this, but my boss is in her 40's (total MILF) and is really experienced, she's done shit to me that i didn't know could be done... we travel a lot together. Am i her boy toy, sure probably, does that bother me? FUCK NO... she's hot as hell

>>672177980
>17yo
>cp
When will amerifats learn?

>>672179001
>scamming best buy
Thanks anon, fuck best buy.

I embezzled about $200.00 a month for a little over two years.
The guy I worked for hid all the cash sales and just put the $ in his pocket so he had the staff hiding cash as well. One day I thought "he will have no idea if some of this just never makes it to him because none of it is recorded." so i started keeping one sell in ten. When the upper management noticed the assumed it was all him. That was three years ago and I still work there.

>>672179035
I actually don't work in a restaurant anymore. I actually filed for unemployment... Currently "f"unemployed. I know have my old job paying for my rent and my bills. Can collect for up to a year. Life is good.

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>In charge of putting chicken tenders in the fridge for the next shift
>Haven't eaten all day
>tactically move myself into the fridge with the case of chicken tenders
>take two
>put them in my pocket
>look around to make sure no one saw
>I'm in the clear
>head to the bathroom stalls and eat two near frozen chicken tenders
>sogood.jpeg
>mfw I get fired a week later

>>672179225
Bet you cant get away with taking the cash now though, at least not as easily

>>672179195
My thoughts exactly, hated working for them

>>672179289
You're some sort of boogyman.

>>672179001
good job anon, i had a buddy did this to Sears... he got busted though

>>672178389
I work in a family business and 3 of the owners kids work here. They have kids of their own, mostly college age. We supposedly go through printer ink like it's water. The girl who orders it can't understand why she will order a dozen and they're gone in a week. I had to explain to her that the family members just help themselves. I'm guessing we lose about $2k in ink every year.

>>672179408
Got any more stories from there that prove how shitty they are?

>>672179349
I don't steal at all now.
The old boss just made it too easy.
The new management is by the book and I enjoy that. But the old boss made everything so much harder than need be so fuck him.

>>672179495
I only got away with it because I worked for 3rd party company that handled their customer service calls, as a direct employee probably would have got fukt

>>672179110
cmon

Anyone wanna know how not to get fucked with in a restaurant by people handling your food??

>>672179689
My old boss is a sexist/racist/gambling addict. Had one of my pay checks bounce once becahse he gambled (and lost) all the money in the store's checking account. No idea how they're still in business.

>>672179818
Sure

>>672179541
I actually worked for 3rd party call center, so not a lot on them directly unfortunately, just new policies and shit all the time that was super inconvenient

>>672179287
I know the point of that comment was to make me mad, but I actually fully support giving drug addicts welfare!

The more free time you have is good for me in two ways:

1) I'll never have to encounter your worthless ass
and
2) the more free time you have, the more drugs you can do. The more drugs you can do, your chances of ODing rises.

You OD = Country loses a parasite

>>672180002
Sounds like best buy, alright

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>>672178280

Didn't really get away with this but here goes:

>be 19 two years ago and starting to work again at music school after taking time off
>work same nights as mid-30s aged teacher
>wife material, gorgeous face, blonde and an ass to die for
>stay late some nights talking, sometimes at late as 3am
>told parents was just visiting friends after work
>goes on for whole year, eventually hook up and start dating/fucking
>still telling my parents that almost every night I'm hanging with buddies
>tfw when my mom is my boss and blonde lady is one of her best friends
>one day my mom gets suspicious and drives by her house after work once her and I have both left
>get text message "where are you tonight?"
>lie, say at friend's house
>"since when does derp live on derpina's street?"
>realize she drove by while I was there
>fires best friend of 10 years
>still work there
>still together
>mixed feels

>>672179225

That happened where I worked. Guys were doing cash sales and ripping up receipts. We actually had a guy come in for warranty work, had paid cash and no one could find his work slip so we wouldn't do the warranty work.

The boss, who actually didn't work there, would call in and ask what the deposit was and couldn't believe how busy the place was and the deposit was so shitty.

The guy who was in charge of accounting left and I took over for him and immediately realized what was happening (work orders missing but the carbon used in them were in the trash). Confronted the guy and told him to come back the next day to talk about it and he never came back. We let it go becasue we couldn't prove it.

>>672180132
Yea, sometimes. Maybe.

When I was 17 I worked in a supermarket part time. Fucking hated that shit. Began just clocking out early. Initially 15 minutes. Then when nobody noticed half an hour. By the time they fired me I hadn't worked a full shift in 5 months. Had left 2 hours early every time.

(Was on backshift which ended officially at 10 - manager went home well before that. I'd leave at 8.)

>be me
>2014
>Just finished masters degree in chemistry
>Working McDonalds, need to pay rent while looking for real job
>Store manager gets pissed with my Big Macs, buns are overtoasted
>Storms into kitchen, big red balloon face
>I try to joke about it, its a fucking Big Mac, they shit anyway
>Get him more and more wound up
>Whole kitchen team is laughing at him
>Get told that my McDonalds career is over
>I go quiet
>Get right up to his face
>Literally scream that he's a short fat cunt who hates life.
>Take his car keys from the office on my way off the shift
>Throw car keys into the grease barrel where they sink to the bottom. 4ft high barrel full of congealed dead cow sitting outside in the sunshine
>No CCTV covering that corner of office (delibrately! Its where they take people to give them a bollocking and get away with it) or in the trash area
>Turn up for the next shift, all apologetic for shouting at him. Say the pressure of the kitchen just really got to me
>Everyone talking about how the boss lost his car keys and had to walk to the train station
>See a lot less of the boss for the next two weeks while he sorts new keys out.
>3-4 months later, tell colleague it was me with the keys
>Colleague swipes keys from boss' jacket and repeats
>Boss hands his notice in to the area manager on the next inspection after seventeen years with the company

We used to get away with so much shit there, not the cum/spit in food or anything like that. That's just vile, you wouldn't have time anyway.
Figured out a bug in the till software one time, it would crash the entire drive thru system and require a head office reset. Could lose the company £2000-5000 each time if it was out for a few hours. Most of the grill team was high as fuck a lot of the time, and ciggy breaks tended to be spliff breaks.

I punched out a window in my bosses work truck. spent two hours pulling glass chunks out of my hand with a piece of duct tape while driving home. Next day boss wasn't even mad...

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I actually do my job well but there's this one nigger that i work with that gets away with a whole bunch of shit.
>we work third shift
>he literally buys blunts, goes to the bathroom and rolls up in the first 15 minutes of our shift
>he gets high as fuck
>starts doing weird shit like dancing around the store
>he does work im suppose to do
>after about 2 hours of this he goes to the back office and sleeps for 4 hours
>if he is out of weed he just stands near the cash register and asks everyone who buys a blunt if they have weed
>mfw this is my night every time i work with him

>>672176236
Killed a construction business owners dog, ran the wheel of my Mercedes right over it and then got out and stomped it once or twice to kill it, I chucked it in a skip and went and did the meeting with this business owner.

>>672178665
two weeks later
>milf farm woman and me are in the workshop
>shes kinda flirty
>never been in the workshop with her
>think she knows about the daughter
>tells me things to do today, and that she needs somethings brought to the house later
>ok

>work all day
>Mexicans smell and goof around all day as usual
>others and me have put pumpkins into large cardboard boxes on skids to sell to stores
>Mexican comes with forklift to load trucks
>24 skids per truck usually
>me and others sit down now and relax after having had loaded 24 boxes of pumpkins
>Mexican loads truck
>routine procedure
>farm milf comes around
>tells us to clean up everything and we'll be done for the day
>tells me to come get some shit from the house
>its 1000kg plastic totes full of tainted water lined up on skids to be moved by forklift to the driveway
>6 of them, never driven forklift before
>like a car, got the hang of it, go slow, move 4, goes great
>Mexican comes to "help"
>pisspoor advice, accidentally drive the right fork into the plastic tote, piercing the side of it
>spics..
>shitty contaminated water pours out into the yard
>farm milf freaks out, farm dad and sons come and indirectly call me a massive faggot
>farm daughter in her bedroom window, comes out and laughs at me, shes so sexy doe, dat head doe, bonerz4dayz
>farm dad and sons have plugged the leaking tote with a rubber plug, basically shaped like a butt plug, goes in and is bigger than the hole
>farm dad and sons have to go get some shit, a chemical spill kit, some other shit, and then go into town for something else
>they do that
>me and farm milf kind of talking, apologize, don't worry about it, rubs my shoulder n shit, boner
>goes inside.

10-15 mins later
>farm daughter comes out, we walk around the property, made our way back to the workshop
>she says she wants to suck my cock again
>nervous/excited instaboner
>she sucks my cock, slowly, feeling it with her mouth and tongue
> oh god
to be cont.

>>672180478
You're a psycho piece of shit

Did 3 grams of mushrooms, 2 points of MDMA, and banged a chick one night. I worked the nightshift alone at a small IP and everyone smoked weed so it was cool by 7am. Also rebooted a production server when I shouldn't of kek.

Sniff coke and beat off in the stock room

>>672180478
actually owns a shitty nissan micra

>>672180655
Checked

>>672180400
There is no way you got a masters, and if you did it must have been at a shit university.

>>672180478
Why?

>>672180650
*ISP
Also wanked in the bathroom frequently and browsed /g/ and /b/.

>>672180832
>university of Phoenix

told this story before

>work nights cleaning offices while in school
>owner and his son (little older than me) run the company
>son takes me to new location and is supposed to clean with me
>shows me around and tells me he's leaving "and make sure you lock all the office doors before you leave"
>clean the place by myself
>get ready to leave and lock all the office doors
>get a call next day from owner
>"why did you lock all the office doors last night???"
>apparently the son meant all the executive office doors. I locked anything with a lock on it
>the company had to get a locksmith in who spent all morning unlocking doors
>explained to owner what his son said
>son got reamed out. I kept my job, but wasn't allowed back in that office

I dont know what the worst would be because I dont have a boss for my night time shift so I can do whatever. But I've come in multiple times either tripping balls or just coming off of acid. Not on purpose usually, just bad planning. And I leave almost every night to go get weed or literally just to take a small drive and escape the 8 hours of nothingness that is my job.

>be 19 two years ago and starting to work again at music school after taking time off
>work same nights as mid-30s aged teacher
>wife material, gorgeous face, blonde and an ass to die for
>stay late some nights talking, sometimes at late as 3am
>told parents was just visiting friends after work
>goes on for whole year, eventually hook up and start dating/fucking
>still telling my parents that almost every night I'm hanging with buddies
>tfw when my mom is my boss and blonde lady is one of her best friends
>one day my mom gets suspicious and drives by her house after work once her and I have both left
>get text message "where are you tonight?"
>lie, say at friend's house
>"since when does derp live on derpina's street?"
>realize she drove by while I was there, saw my car in driveway
>fires best friend of 10 years
>I still work there
>still together
>mixed feels

>>672180832
I got it at ITT Tech

>>672180981
>exactly

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>>672180065
Bro I'm not even trying to make you mad. I use to do drugs. I smoke weed now. I did overdose and I died 3 times. So you got half your wish. They brought me back. And I did do shitty shit back in the day but it's cause i did drugs. On the real though this last job I had was opposite for me. I was the sober dude and my managers and rest of staff high as fuck all the time doing shady shit. But you cannot bullshit a bullshitter. So I kept a log for a year about all the shit that was going on... Waited for the perfect moment... Punked one of my managers and literally made him send me home. Use my powers of awesomeness to get health department involved... As well as receiving my unemployment and possibly considering a lawsuit for some things. I may own a restaurant soon. So be it as you may... Im a more honest person now that tries to be better.

>>672180856
Well, the construction owner is a worthless hick and irritates me, the dog wouldn't stop snarling and barking at me, so I just ran it over, the wheel went over the spine of it and it was on it's way out so I just stomped on it.

>>672180919
Ah, pretty good.

Had a married semi-MILF manager when I worked at McDonalds who would have me work late with her and she'd suck my cock every night. She was good at it, liked doing it and her husband never went near her (probably because she smelled like fries).

>>672181335
Hey I've been to a restaurant before!

>>672180832
You want some details?

>B.Sc in Chemistry
>M.Sc Atmospheric Chemistry
>Both University of York

You would like a link to my published masters thesis?

Currently working at UK Met Office.

>>672176422
For what? To cook drugs or something?

>>672180706
Well I am in private equity, so that would be rather economic to say the least.

>>672181470
I would actually, yes. Whats it about?

>>672180610
Why? I did the owner a favor, or at least the neighbors.

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>>672181470
Yes, please post your personal work on /b/.

>>672176236
I worked at Walmart as one of the cart collecters when I was a teenager and I would be either drunk or on opiates every day. Constantly stole shit (nothing too big or easily seen, obviously) by walking out through the spot where the carts get pushed up into the store. Hid between vending machines outside to smoke a cigarette when I wasn't on break. Sold and bought various drugs in the parking lot while working. Smoked weed in my car, snorted coke/oxy/various other drugs in my car or in the bathroom. Probably a bunch more that I can't remember because I was always drunk or on drugs in that point of my life.

I'm honestly surprised I was never caught doing any of that shit, I was a damn retard.

>>672180400
>>672181470
>>672180919
>>672180981

Original post shows I'm clearly from UK, anons post US universitys......

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>>672176236
i drank my bosses beers and vodka in the kitchen during the week because he was being such a sperglord about everything. fucking mature faggots who pretend that they can only talk to other mature faggots.

>hock a loogie into cheesecake mix at work
>it was a large mix so it was enough cheesecake to last a week or two
Hy-Vee, where there's a helpful smile in every aisle :^)

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I used to work at an ice rink in my town and I have a ton of good stories. I'll break it down into short stuff though.
>we used to blatantly eat stuff out of the snack bar, like we'd take entire pizzas and shit.
>one time after working a late shift the entire staff went out onto the ice and we played hockey with some burgers we found in the back of the freezer.
>Once our boss retired the entire place was being run by college kids, so we just started fucking around constantly
>all of us used to steal hockey laces and tape all the time
>we had a pro-shop in the facility and people stole everything from hockey sticks to pairs of skates
>someone stole a huge bag of pucks once
>we used to host kids birthday parties there, and one time we ate all of the party's pizza without realizing it. We felt bad about that one
>when the ice monitors were watching the public skate sessions they were constantly texting
>one person even used to play a game where he scared kids by making long and creepy eye contact with them.

I don't work there anymore (found a higher paying and easier gig) but godamn working there was fun

>>672181621
Its super easy to shoplift from walmart

>>672178085
This is the sickest shit I've ever seen here.

>>672181662
HEY. University of Phoenix is a RESPECTED online college you show it respect you twat

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>>672180065
Also proof those fags are paying my bills.

>>672181682
What are you like 17?

I killed a man, with this thumb.

Power went out once at menards so I took a cashier up to the roof and fucked her up there

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>>672181770
???????????????

>have herpes on inner-right side of middle finger, but it's subtle enough that no one notices
>dishwasher
>don't wear gloves
You can figure it out from there

>>672181906
like 22 and i dont feel the need to behave in a work place if im not fucking getting paid for my time. fuck wheelchair logistics boring ass shit with trophy indians and everything is so technical and lame

Fucked my bosses daughter in his bed

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9/11

>>672182224
Kek surprised it took this long

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>>672179949
- First and foremost don't ever use the
Salt and pepper at restaurants. They literally get washed once a week. Little kids spit on and handle those things all the time. Same with the sugar packets. They are touched all over the place by little kids and then rearranged and put out for the next guest.

- if you ever drop a fork or spoon on the ground... Ask for a another fork or spoon but hold on to the one you dropped... Otherwise the sever will literally take the fork or spoon walk away and come back with the same fork or spoon

- ALWAYS wrap up your own food. I've seen people pick at food with dirty hands way too many times.

- tell your server you've worked in a restaurant before... They will be more friendly with you and not fuck you over.

There's a few good tips there guys.

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>>672180495
Where the fucks the rest nigga.

working a job where we had to deliver some post install test results to clients, wrote a program to fake them all but make them look statistically believable. This was at my company's direction.

>>672180065
Also it's not welfare. The restaurant pays my bills. Not tax payers. Lol.

Worked in a bar. Was good for some reasons and fucking shit for others. Used to do the following:

>Give friends (fellow bar staff) free drinks when they were in. (This was strictly verboten)
>Ate nachos and other foods from the kitchen after it had closed.
>Used to go up to store room and steal and down a bottle or two of beer every shift with a mate who worked there.
>Rude customers would get virtually no alcohol in their drinks (unless they ordered beer/cider obviously)
>Students would get zero alcohol in drinks.
>Would take off automatic discounts and charge customers I didn't like extra.
>Would add extra drinks onto people's bills when it was a large party. Boss used to do this as well. Basically double up on everything they ordered. Place was expensive anyway and nobody ever noticed.
>Fapped several times at work.

Not that impressive actually.

>>672182544
Checked
But what if i want salt or pepper?

sold people shitty insurance contracts while masturbating under the table in front of them
>>672178085
virgin detected
it's hard but possible to keep your mouth shut

>>672176236
That happens all the time old fucks have weak bones worse comes to worse you glue that shit back on.

I kept breaking off eyelids

>>672182753
Why give students zero alcohol? Isn'tit better if you gave them one with alcohol so they're nkre inclined to buy more? THEN not give them alcohol?

Killed a construction business owners dog, ran the wheel of my Mercedes right over it and then got out and stomped it once or twice to kill it, I chucked it in a skip and went and did the meeting with this business owner.

>>672182793
Bring in your own packets bro. I've worked in the biz for almost 10 years. I literally do not go out and eat. The only restaurants I go to are fine dining. They actually are strict on these things cause they get food critics that come in randomly. So they get inspected. But I've worked at Chilis and Applebee's and macaroni grill and Buca di Beppo and a bunch of other chain restaurants and you have managers that are the biggest fuck ups trying to manage drug abusers. Not even lying. No one cares about anything in these places. All they wanna do is make money so they can pay rent and party. No joke. There are no standards at these places. I do not eat at restaurants because I have worked in to many. Think about that.

>>672182927
>breaking off eyelids
whointhewhatnow?

>>672176236

>Broke a morticians finger when he was embalming a woman

>>672183193
Dont ruin chilis for me, its my favorite and i am blissfully ignorant right now

>>672182998
This "bartender" is lying. Sounds like a bar back. There's literally no reason why you wouldn't serve alcohol to people. It doesn't effect him at all. I can see up charging or trying to make some scratch on the side but this kid isn't a bartender. He knows it, I know it, and now you do too.

>>672182998
Students were such entitled, rude, obnoxious little cunts with discount cards that gave them money off cocktails. So they'd order a huge load of ludicrously complex cocktails. I'd just make sure they wouldn't have as fun a night as they thought they would.

I was a student once and I was never such a little cunt. Plus this was a university town inferior to my alma mater so fuck them twice.

I'm a conductor on rail road one day saw some homeless dude trying to drag his bike under one of the freight cars since we where stopped so I radio to the engineer to move forward 1 car. The homeless guy end up losing his arm lol

>>672183351
Chilis was one of the worst places. All those tables being cleaned by the same blue towel in the same dirty ass water. The tortilla holders for the fajitas are cleaned with dirty rags. Lol. Shall I continue? The chips and salsa thing is a mess. Big time.

>>672183362
Kek. This was a long time ago. Not giving people alcohol was purely out of spite towards that person. And we'd all get a small bonus if we saved on stock. Charging someone for a shot of vodka in their coke and giving them nothing makes money and saves stock.

Why would I lie about this?

>>672183400
You sound like a cunt.

>>672183265
Yeah you have to put this piece of plastic under the eyelids so eyes seem less sunk in and eyelids break off easily when dead

>>672183527

Because you are a dick

>>672183527
Cause you're boring.

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>>672178085
>all the replies by ppl who cant get their gfs to cum
>they don't know she's faking it yet

you're in the right here, sport, no good cum leaves a girl quiet or able to hold conversation

>>672183439
Savage but deserving. Related story sort of:
>cleveland, ohio
>walls in front of all house mail boxes
>so kids dont take bats to them
>one house didnt have a wall
>kids kept taking a bat to it
>guy at the house got fed up
>put mailbox back up
>filled it with concrete
>kid tried to take a bat to it full-force
>completely shattered his hands
>arms were broken in 6 places
>no one swings at that mailbox anymore

>>672183527
And if you were a real bartender there's no way you have time to jack off. You're such a faggot it hurts me.

>>672183514
Plz no let me have my ignorance i dont mind

>>672183527
It's the internet.

>>672183612
Today I learned something thanks

>>672183400
I never get fajitas anyway

>>672183796
Kek. Was a busy bar. Could easily slope off for 15 minutes and knock one out. A lot of fit birds about.

>>672183848
Well good luck with that. I've worked at Chilis and since I quit have literally never eaten there ever again. You are getting a viral load to the mouth when you eat there. Lol gross as fuck. Ps all the sides... Mash, corn, slaw, black beans... Don't eat those for sure. Burgers are probably the only thing that's decent to eat there. DECENT.

>>672183794
I was hoping to just mangle his bike but he wouldn't let go of the fucking thing

>>672184114
Ok barback.

>>672183796
Also my original post says 'Worked in a bar'. So you overreacted like the utter gimp you are in the first place.

What a tragic person you must be. I'd love to see what you actually look like.

>>672176236
Does buying heroin on the clock then injecting it in the bathroom count?

>>672184152
I ate there yesterday even, anon why. Good news is i never get a chance to go really so i only ever get what i usually get which is the chicken crispers and fries. I dont like corn anyway so i dont eat it

>>672184307
Or selling dope at work, because I've done both.

>>672184297
Probably like you but more successful.

Destroyed a gun some guy stole in exchange for $300

It was a nice gun.

>>672184396
Kek. What do you do mate?

Sniffed panties of japanese chicks when I worked in a hotel

>>672184464
I think we have a winner!

Stole about $5,000 worth of items from my companies warehouse. No one ever found out or knew items were missing. That's what my boss/owner gets for running a shitty business and not having inventory. Plus I made $18.00 an hour + commission... he was over paying me about $20,000 per year for 2 years. What an idiot.

Lied about a family mergency to go home early. fellsbad.jpeg

>>672184333
Crossers and fries is ok. They are both cooked and sold. The bacteria is killed. Sorry to fuck with ur head but I just know waaaaaaay to much. will never eat at Chilis again or most restaurants honestly. Plus u need to remember the staff is usually on drugs. I sold enough drugs to fellow employees and managers. So I know everyone is at least high at the very least. The kitchen staff is usually coked up. So just be careful.

>>672184457
Fuck with losers on 4chan. And you?

>>672184824
Same, buddy.

Let's be friends

>>672184747
*Tenders

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>>672184307
i buy weed all the time at work, i know drug dealers that come in almost daily to buy shit and i just cop a g or two and roll up in the bathroom.

>>672184930
tendies

>>672178254

Severely underrated post

>>672184908
Nah. I'm friends with bartenders not barbacks. Sorry.

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>>672183612
their called eyecaps, mortpleb
also, mort-valedictorian here.

I stole the hole puncher from work once..

>>672185010
A distinction that matters only to you.

What a fucking loser this dude is.

I'm not even the anon you're arguing with.

>>672176236
Got a dude fired for threatening to kill a coworker

> minding my own business at my desk
> heard a conversation get loud
> look over and see one dude furious with his hand in the other guy's face and he shouts "I will fucking kill you!" And some other shit about how he pulled cats out of engines that were in pieces but we're still alive
> kinda weirded out and alarmed
> I didn't know either of them that well
> I report it
> this was a while ago when I was way more aspie than I am now and I thought rules were way more important
> rules say to report incidents
> report it
> get called to HR
> they ask what happened
> describe what I saw
> they ask what was said exactly
> I actually got to say "I will fucking kill you!" to HR
> dude gets fired
> lots of drama over it
> dude he was yelling at gets blamed
> later I find out that he was showing pictures of a jap in heels stepping on kittens to the guy who got fired

>>672185320
you're an ass

>>672185218
Found another barback here. Lol. Ha ha ha. One day anon you can smell my muddler. Ha ha ha

>>672185107
I am not a mortican or anything my wife is, shitty ass job it seems, shit pay shit hours and she's only 5'5 trying to lift more and more fat asses everyday killing her back

>>672180065
Parasites like these are all over the US and they blame illegal immigrants for their problems.

>>672185533
Are you actually some tragic bartender who thinks it's a job others aspire to? Fuck me what a loser.

I stole the only stapler in the office

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>worked at a pizza place
>every night had to work like a fucker, everyone in town lived on a pizza basis
>old fucker that never tips always asked for "no oregano"
>saturday night overloaded with work
>old fucker calls and asks for his no oregano pizza
>we decide to put a ton of oregano under the cheese so the fucker eats it anyways
>send the pizza
>an hour later the fucker's son comes to the pizzeria to complain
>old fucker was allergic to oregano, had to call an ambulance
>mfw

>>672185673
ya i found that out while in school, now i just use my credibility to get simpler jobs a little easier.

>>672185679
Ha ha just go to work so your taxes pay for my weed and jack off sessions. I'm enjoying some blue dream and a glass of Jameson whisky. Thank u tax payers. Mmmmmmm mmmm mmm. Gf coming over later to fuck and drink and smoke and watch tv which u paid for on my Netflix account which u paid for in my apt which you paid the rent for in my new bed which u paid for. Lol. Hell ya I'm a parasite.

>>672185741
No I'm unemployed.

While I managed a skate shop, had sex with a girl in the dressing room while newbie covered the floor.

Got fired later for getting drunk and smashing beer bottles on the counter

>>672185933
>allergic to oregano
>eats italian food
playing with fire. fuck that guy

Smoked a joint and huffed nitrous with my boss one day after work in the old lab I used to work at.

oregano allergy doesnt exist you lying cockgoblin

>browsed 4chan all day instead of working

>>672186267
>smashing beer bottles on the counter

but why?

>>672179287
>>672178820
I hope you OD soon

>>672177505
>owner brags about how good a business owner he is
>meanwhile you watch the real shit go down
>take advantage of the real shit going down
>never look back because your EDUCATED boss thinks he is so boss
this is literall story of my life take like 50-100 bucks a NIGHT. no cameras, no audio, kid is literal duncecap his parents bought him the business so he could move back in from out of state cuz he was a loser stoner lol! kudos to you my friend. some people deserve this.

>Working part time at GameStop for extra money
>pay is shit, customers are shit, boss is shit
>we kept lots of stock in bathroom
>pissed all over PS4 during Black Friday
>never got caught but had a store wide meeting about not fucking with the stock in the bathroom

>>672186723
I was drunk and it was a slow day.

>>672186786
Don't do drugs anymore. Ha ha. Unless u can die from weed. I'm trying. You're paying for it too!!

I fucked a double quarter pounder between the meet and served it out the window

>>672176422
i did as well ya, working on the cure for everyone right now, no more bum bleeds!!!!!

Fucked the "quinceañera" in her quinceañera party when her parents hired my band.

Shit was cash

>>672176236

spilt like 50 pounds of brisket on the floor in the walk in cooler

we sold every last pound of it

>>672176236
Became an Alcohol

Smoked pot at work regularly
Had a girl blow me in the warehouse while we waited to clock out every morning

>>672176236
>broke a dead old woman's finger during an embalming procedure
You already pumped her full of chemicals, wired her jaw in place and glued her eyes shut, so a broken finger is hardly anything.

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>>672187276

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>>672187276
>>672187276

last known pic of Anon

>>672176236
Stole 100's of hours of double time at $70/hour cause we filled our own time sheets out..fuck em they deserved it

>>672180926
what do you do

>>672176236
Raped the owners underage daughter

>>672177667
Chicago Police Department?

>>672180211
Never happened

>>672182544
HEY you have posted before! i think you gave the same advise on the spoon almost a year ago!

I had sex with a student when working as a substitute teacher a while back. She was 17.

>>672176236
>Be 14 year old be in summer door-to-door job
>Pushing heavy machine.
>Walk up to door, knock and ring doorbell
>Noone'shome.jpg
>Notice a bike lock in the mailbox
>Look around
>Noone'sthere.png
>Take lock, hide under shirt
>Put in bookbag
>Leave to next house.

Yeah...

>>672180400
Never happened

Had sex with my current girlfriend in the walk-in refrigerator of our place of employment.

>>672188009
gnar gnar brah

>>672186574
this. probably once or twice a month on average i will show up incredibly hung over or still drunk from the previous night and do absolutely nothing but shitpost on 4chan all day. this is in contrast to my normal 2-3 hours of shitposting on a normal work day.

>>672188474
mcdonalds?

>>672176236
>job

stole a package of nicotine gum just for fun

>>672188560
No, it was a pizza place, don't want to be too specific. I told a close friend I worked with there about it, and he told another kid we worked with about it, etc. The manager that I worked under for three years heard about it two years after it happened, but only weeks after I quit and found a better job.

>>672178545
HAHHHHHHHAHAHAHAH

its like some farmers were sitting around one day and thought

>what's the sickest, most hilariously ridiculous way we can castrate this animal?

>>672188888
Waste of quints

I stole over $1000 worth of merch over several years. I'd just box up what i wanted off of the shelves, ship it to my home, and alter the FedEx logs. I haven't worked there for 6 years and I still have about a dozen wrapped DVDs I have yet to watch. I also frequently took cash from the safe and registers.

>>672188888
BASK IN IT'S GLORY, PEASANTS

>>672188888
FUCK. I was waiting for 88888 for 30 minutes, and it's this garbage.

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Whats with all you normies having sex at your job how the hell do i do that. hell even my gay manager was caught giving a bj to my black coworker one day. every bodys getting some except me.

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>>672189005
>>672188953

>>672189052
Don't be a pussy-ass faggot

>>672189005
>when you're this much of a loser waiting for gets
You spend too much time on /b/

>>672189131
ok how do i do that

>>672189005
>waiting for 30 minutes

Lol. Bro. You need a real fucking life. Pull up ur pants and go outside.

>>672186086
Bad bait kiddo
And if it's not, eventually unemployment runs out

>>672184579
18/hr is 34,000+ a year shit tard, maybe he knew you were stealing but was okay with it bc he was stealing 14k a year from you

>>672189052
Ur gay cartoon explains why ur not getting any.

I work in dead peoples homes. Ive stolen thousands in jewelry,silver, and gold

>>672176236

I stole a metric shitton of stuff when I worked at Wal-Mart when I was 19. I bought a case, motherboard, and CPU online and stole everything else (memory, hard drive, video card, and sound card) from work. Stole tons of SNES and Genesis games, PC games, even a nice Minolta SLR camera.

>>672189283
Ya in a year bro. And when that runs out I'll have something else cooking. Fuck working for shit at shitty places for shitty people. No bait. I posted my unemployment checks earlier. :)

>>672176236
drugs, everyday.

Also had my way with 4 of the girl's at ticketmaster in the stairwell.

>>672189489
Yeah, you don't understand how unemployment or benefits work. Have mom and dad buy you some better bait

>>672180211
Why fire, if it wasn't interferring with work?

>>672180495
come back, I need to fap