>>660833885

Telepathically commanding up to 3 ants at a time

The ability to always lose at paper rock scissors

Ability to seduce hats.

The ability to communicate with Styrofoam cups

>>660833885
>walk halfway through walls

The ability to only laugh during inappropriate times

Bulletproof kneecaps.

>>660834931


I'd welcome that. Don't like someone? Fuck em. Bored as tits in a meeting? Fuck yeah.

The ability to smell farts from anywhere, and it's a random power you cannot turn off.

The ability to shrink your own penis

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>>660833885
The ability to shut down my kidneys. Only works once

The ability to turn into a woman once, and it's irreversible.

the ability to make a fedora tip itself

The ability to forget everything you ever learned including walking and bowel control

the ability to delete threads you dont like

The ability to become addicted to antifreeze

>>660834285
>be sniper in WWI
>in trench
>see stick with helmet being waved around across no mans land
>2/10 attempt to get me to show myself
>pull out my secret weapon of flying fireants
>send 3 of these scary fuckers across the no man's land
>set them for crotch-seeking mode
>wait
>see that faggot jump in in horror
>bullseye

>>660837146


This is good.

The ability to shit your pants around girls you like

>>660837584


Sounds like Saturday to me


The ability to be thirsty on command

>>660837473
if you were a sniper in WW!

i dont see any modern practical purpose for it though except for maybe sneak attacking unsuspecting girls at the park and filming it and putting it on youtube

the ability to lose bowel control any time you urinate and it turns on and off at random times

>>660837913


Upskirt video promotions would go through the roof

The ability to find a single penny once and only once

>>660834411
Bet anyone that no matter how much you play them in rock, paper, scissors, you will always lose. Prove it. Profit

The ability to breathe under chocolate milk

>>660835043
Bet money that you can shoot your kneecaps and be fine. Prove it. Profit.

>>660838996


Become Batman

The ability to understand, and immediately forget long formula math

the inability to profit from you're super power

>>660834914
/thread

>>660833885
Know the location of all U.S. pennies minted more than 30 years ago in a 10 meter sphere around you.

>>660840099
Dub dubs duuuude


The ability to taste through your asshole

The ability to dilate your pupils on command.

>>660834611
Only works in public

The ability to levitate used condoms one millimeter above the ground

>>660840099
you could reach thru and grab stuff on the other side

The ability to give yourself brainfreeze

The ability to know how many tampons a girl used

>>660840706
Ony works if your name is FN-2187

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>>660840404
instant youtube star

>>660840725
i imagine that you would only be able to pass any body part only half the distance through the wall

>>660833885
The ability to keep your fingernails from growing.

>>660835388
> enlist
> big war
> sent out with squad on recovery mission
> some ammo depot or some shit
> looks abandoned
> smells snipers fart

Coconut radar

>>660840901


Secret stash spot. Take a wad of money and push it halfway through a wall. Only you would know

The ability to have 20/20 vision
>only works if you already have better vision

>>660841076


But it's a random power. No control

>>660841200
>implying that object wouldnt be instantly fused inside on the wall

>>660836654
Anytime you do this you gain another 60 years to your lifespan and become 15

The ability to smell like a corpse

The ability I shitpost faster than a speeding banana

>>660837043
Antifreeze effectively replaces blood, allowing you to survive in colder climates

>>660834914
Do it twice.

>>660837882
Win drinking competitions

The ability to sound like Danni Filth

>>660840849
Nice after effects

>>660841622


But your addicted to it

The ability to look at your own eyes

>>660836138
possibly useful if you ever needed to change your identity

>>660833885
Any 15 seconds? You could watch anyone having sex, learn any secret, etc... would be a pretty awesome super power if you ask me

>>660836343
Just think of all the fair maidens across the land you could claim.

>>660841913
youtube eyebrow girl

its literally her shitty superpower

The ability to grow ingrown thumbnails on command

The ability to get an erection at will, but only during inappropriate situations

>>660836343
>bored
>get crank power generator
>attach fedora to generator axle
>tip fedora indefinitely
>infinite power
>make money
>spend money to make real waifu
>become lord of the neckbeards

>>660833885
The ability to suck as much cock as op

>>660841481
Zombies avoid you

>>660840706
>be drunk
>have sex
>throw condom because trashcans
>realize mistake and don't get floor condomed

>>660842081


But what can you learn from 15 seconds?

>>660841929
But now it's good for you, may as well say addicted to water

>>660842329


>and people

the ability to call immigration on Jesus
I actually did this once

>>660842481


Who says it's good for you? You're just addicted to it

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gender bending

>>660842310
Become ultra tranny hooker

>>660842335
That would imply that the condom is one millimeter below the trash can

The ability to teleport into the sun. Yeah, you die.

>>660842798
Ranma 1/2

>>660842709
Is this thread about justifying bad powers or adding positive side effects?

>>660839994
Bet someone that it would be impossible in any way for you to receive money off your super power, prove it, kill them while they try to figure out if they give you money for it, steal their wallet, profit.

The god you worship is never the true god

Shoot uncooked spaghetti from the hair follicles on your testicles at 10 miles per hour.

>>660833885
being able to walk into a room and automatically know what was the last wallpaper/paint color it had was

>>660843095


Bad powers, but people are finding good where there really isn't one.

>>660843175
Never go hungry

>>660842398
PIN code

Be diagnosed with AIDS.
>the aids kill you at your wedding/ other signifigant event

>>660841732
3/4?
7/8?
15/16th?

Ability to look at the sun for less than 5 seconds without going blind

>>660836654
Silly, that already exists. It's called Alzheimers.

Detach your arm to best people with

Talking about 'Arm Fall Off Boy"

Being able to instantly tell whether a person whom is no less than 8 feet away from you, but no more than 12, has taken a shit within the last 36 hours and whether or not it was pleasant for them.

>>660833885
The ability to seduce family members at will

You have a massive heart attack whenever you orgasm

>>660841433
This is isnt a corrupt a wish you idiot.

Immunity to extinct diseases.

Ability to fly, but you have to adhere to air traffic control

>>660843743
Well the assumption was that it would be in reference to the wall, but I like this more. Bury all of the bodies inside of it then.

The ability to create one nail. If that nail gets destroyed, you may make another.

The ability to know the combination of broken safes

The Ability to spot traitors but when you attack them they get saved

Full muscular control of your dick, sort of like an elephant's trunk.

The ability to be an hero
Actually, I don't see a downside here...

>>660834914
Instant glory hole

You make hit marker sounds anytime you touch anything and this never stops

The ability to see Jesus.... In Mexico

You can print off money, but it's visibly counterfeit

>>660844578
Get rich off of IRL MLG montages

The ability to get a major staph infection on command

>>660833885
If I could see 15 seconds into the past maybe I could actually learn people's names

the ability to loose your boner on command

>>660833885
uncontrollable ultra potent super sperm 24/7. Cannot avoid making a girl pregnant no matter what birth control is used even if you don't cum.

>>660845089
Nope. Pretty useful IMO.

>>660840279
So, your superpower is being a Jew?

>>660845129
A niggers nightmare

The ability to read the internal label on any computer part regardless of language.

you can walk on water if it is no deeper than 1/2 inch

>>660844863
How is that a superpower i can fucking do that with an inkjet printer

>>660845330


Oh Jew....


The ability to die in a fire even when one isn't present

>>660845508
That's why it's useless

the ability to make the best nazi memes but only at a memorial for all the lives lost in WW2

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>>660843824

>>660839850

I could do with this

>>660845434


That's useful if you need a replacement part

The ability to become a hemophiliac cutter

>>660839850
Hmm already have this one

>>660833885
Eye laserbeams but they only shoot backwards

The ability to fly for roughly 1 second

>>660844863
How about we can "print" money, but only pennies

The ability to fully digest corn.

>>660833885
Ability to make gasoline disappear from the tank of your car

The ability to make Half Life 3 made but EA makes it

>>660846166
Only your car?

>>660846109


That's actually useful...


The ability to be raped by deer no matter where you are.

>>660846008
>Jump off building
>Activate power a foot off the ground
>Freefall anywhere

>>660838115
>the power of always having to sit down on the toilet when you use it
>try throwing up
>or cleaning it

having spectral purple thorns come out of your arm and you have to put the power of sunlight into it.

>>660834411
sounds like a personal problem
>>660834611
what
>>660834745
what
>>660834931
sounds like a personal problem

>>660846194


Ouch

The ability to break a bone anytime anybody says your name

>>660846302
>implying going from terminal velocity to zero in one second wouldn't wreck your shit

>>660841481
But anon, don't you already smell like a corpse?
>you fucking nek beerd

the ability to know an areas zip code just by being there

>>660846499
No you're flying not doing science

The ability to turn a random body part irreversibly into concrete

>>660833885
Isn't that just called Alzheimer's

The ability to tell the funniest joke ever, but anybody who hears it, including yourself, dies when they hear it

>>660836138
>take job as hitman
>blatantly kill motherfuckers, get $$$
>switch genders and retire when you're in over your head

>>660834745
You could sit one E in a room as a spy. Too easy. I'd love that, actually. You could put them all over and who'd second guess

>>660846829
sounds like a personal problem?

the ability to get a negative boost when jumping in a trampoline.

>>660839653
kek

You can control really small rocks, but you can only control one at a time.

The ability to consistently have mediocre relations with everyone you meet.

>>660846876


Hey yeah...

The ability to make yourself look like a total jackass when you really shouldn't, like on a date or at a wedding

The ability to turn into a pair of flip flops.

>>660838996
Best one I've read so far.

>>660846829
>go to mexico for deafening surgery
>become a comedic hitman
>become insanely rich with black market cash
>get reversal surgery/implants

>>660840358
I used to take MXE through my ass and you could taste it after a couple minutes

The ability to control some brown dogs.

>>660847176
>>660847207
...mom?

The ability to bleed out on command

>>660847115
>pocket rock
>instant bullet

thats a pretty great power

>>660847277
its so random LOL!!

The ability to know who anybody is behind any disguise. The catch is they also now who you are, where you live, and who your family is.

>>660841902
fuck you

Imortatilty, if someone tries to kill you while you're while you're awake, it gets canceled out via some kind of devine intervention, and if someone tries to kill you while you're asleep, all the effects of that the attempted killing are also canceled out by the time you wake up. (If someone stabs/shoots you in your sleep, the injuries are healed by the time you wake up)

The ability to piss out of any hole on your body you want.

>>660846875
Imagine how funny it'd be if none of your features changed. Just same manish face, with tits

The ability to grow the world's largest penis, but conversely becoming the world's ugliest person.

The ability to live in your moms basement and do nothing but sit on the computer and eat Doritos until you're old and alone

shit your pants evreatime you say a word with A or E.

>>660846318
That's retarded, you're retarded.

>>660839850
Already have that one. Minus the first bit of course.

>>660846829
If you dont listen to yourself when you say it, do you still die?

>>660848122
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

>>660833885
Join poker table. See what hands are being dealt.
Profit.

>>660847941
plenty of slags who will jump on an outstanding dick regardless. you could also get some mild fame doing interview circuits like howard stern and all that shit.

>>660847872


So... Rocky Horror?

being able to change the taste of dodo bird

The amazing ability to grow your own body hair .0005 of a centimeter twice a day

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>>660840404
easy

The ability to make anyone who touches you want to fuck you.
Not blatantly obvious why this power sucks, but still.

the ability to play TF2 as Pyro at competitive level

Potato fingers. Its everything that you think it is and more.

>>660846443
One of my bones or someone else's?

>>660834411
Dub dubs we all do this anywayz

>>660848686
This one would get out of hand fast.

>>660848686
also forgot to mention that it's permanently enabled. you cant touch anyone without them wanting your dick.

>>660848730
I would say that hurts but I haven't played tf:go in a long time

>>660846008
instant track&field star, you say? Add an extra second of airtime to your long/high jump and you can break records easy.

>>660848737
One of your own bones

The ability to become invisible. Except any food or drink that you have injested are still visible, so are any clothes/jewelery/piercings/tattoos/any shit that may be in your colon or surgical implants... so if you've broken a bone and had a plate or screws implanted, those would be visible.

>>660848575


The ability to grow wings once you fallen from a great height and after you've hit the ground.

The ability to be unable to have abilities.

>>660836945
>useless

>>660847826
You won't wake up if someone puts two in your head when you're sleeping.

>>660849071


Bet on your inability, win monies...


...profit

You can instantly kill anyone, but only if they were born before 1500

The ability to imagine something and have it come true, but only if it involves a school shooting and/or terrorist attack

>>660846166
>friend you hate
>let borrow car
>empty tank in middle of high way while they are in far left lane
>cause crash
>gets hurts
>they have to pay for damages

>>660849186
The holes will close up. The problem will heal itself. Not that he'll have to wake up for it to be fine, but the wounds will seal themselves, and he will wake up unscathed.

The ability to become morbidly obese, and never lose the weight

>>660849258
>imagine an unsuccessful school shooting that somehow ends with me getting a bmw

the ability to kill yourself on accident with anything

>>660847861
>kissing girl
>piss in her mouth through your mouth
>instant boner

Being able to fly but only 5 inches above the ground

>before 1500?

nignog that's 3pm. sweet power bro.

>>660849186
All injuries are healed. If someone shoots you in the head, the injures are healed by the time you wake up. If someone cuts off your penis, and steals it. Your penis will regenerate and the stolen penis will disappear.

>>660849582
That's still pretty useful. Also, how does it fair with water? 5 inches from surface of water, or floor of the water?

>>660849500


Turns out it's the terrorist/shooters car.


Ur under arrest anon for being culprit

you can teleport to Detroit
you can't teleport out of it though

The ability to become irreversibly deaf

>>660849826
sorry bro, I imagined saving the school from the shooting myself and the police giving me the car as a reward for my bravery ;D

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>>660845330

>>660847326
Daschaunds would be even uselesser

>>660846770
underrated post

once per day, take a shit someone else had to take

>>660849826
Imagine being broken out of a prison due to a terrorist attack. Prisoners escape, and are presumed dead from the attack. Jihadi jon just so happens to find locked in an impound lot the keys to a bmw that belonged to his pal. Tosses it your way. You get the car back.

>>660849725


So... Deadpool

>>660850089
But you set it up
It's a conspiracy man

every single bullet being shot is automatically aimed at your dick

>>660847581
An hero

once a day, take a shit someone else had to take

>>660850353
Like, every bullet? Or just bullets shot at you?

The ability to trip over your own feet

>>660850465
every bullet fired in history

>>660835043
mother fucking kek dude

>>660850472
Well shit, i have a superpower

You can speak any language, but the only word you can say is niggerfaggot

The ability of hearing talking rocks

>>660833885
So remembering?

>>660850403


Your such a pal! I don't have toeave this super important meeting!

The ability to fly, but only in certain parts of Denmark

>>660850064
>walk into bank
>"all the money, please"
>stuff pockets
>teleport to getaway vehicle on outskirts of Detroit, Maine

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>>660835043

>USA

>>660850730
oh no, the teleport isn't specific
>try to escape to vehicle
>teleported to a nigger

>>660850688
do us both a favor and stop eating taco bell...

>>660844277
>creates nail
>nail falls into smelter
>create another
>repeat
>infinite resource of metal certain metal
>huge profit

>>660850953
too late motherfucker no take-backsies, I can teleport to any detroit I want.

>>660850403
sell literal, DNA-verifiable celebrity shits on the black market. How much you think some niggerfaggot would pay to own a Beyonce shit?

>>660851028


I do it because you fucked my sister


The ability to know every orgasm your mom had, and you experience them knowing that they're from your mom

You become gay 1 night each month, and you have to suck 12 dicks before the night ends

the ability to turn into a black person on command

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>>660851111
quads and you're still wrong

>>660851262
...or?

indestructible shins but you still feel the pain

>>660851444
Trips and you're still right

>>660851444


Trips... nice
The ability to speak in eighties slang only in church during service

>>660851465
Or you suck less than 12 I dunno

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>>660851444
Nice trips

The ability to become invisible but only after you've taken a bloody shit

The ability to get dubs in trips posts, trips in quads post, etc.